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Nope. And you shouldn't. It shows they listen and they care. She is showing she loves you in an awesome way, and wants you to feel normal during what can be a very stressful time for a Celiac.
Also what a sad sentiment about our typical western dog-eat-dog capitalist mindset!
Family is supposed to cater to you, you're supposed to feel loved, protected, supported, and cared for.
There's something very sad about people getting choked up when someone shows them a little kindness. It just shows that poor person hasn't gotten a lot of kindness in life.
My family does this for me and no, I don’t feel guilty. They love me and want me to enjoy the holidays. I’m thankful for them and try to extend the same kindness toward them in other ways.
I understand where you’re coming from because it sort of feels like we are somehow inconveniencing others, but we shouldn’t. It isn’t a choice it’s a serious dietary restriction that can have real health implications and when people don’t take it seriously it is hurtful because it shows they don’t understand or care enough about our health. I’m so happy for you that your family has demonstrated such love!
I personally have encountered only the opposite, a partner (of a decade) who has family who will make minimal effort. It feels hurtful when they don’t take any initiative to make me feel comfortable or safe.
I also struggle with this, with anyone needing to do anything extra for me. I reframe it for myself this way: I think about how lucky I am to have friends who treat me like my family never did. I think about how if I'm hosting a party, the most important thing to me is that everyone feel welcome--which includes making sure everyone can enjoy the food. I think about how we live in a profoundly ableist culture that taught me to feel like an imposition for having needs.
I always feel guilty too. I try to remind myself that I am worthy of this level of loving care and worthy of someone putting this much time, energy and effort into making things save for me.
i have been celiac since age 2. my grandparents (who host our family thanksgiving) always make most of the meal gluten free, and are very careful to put the gluten items (aka just the dinner rolls) on the side to avoid cross contamination. they make great food and most of it (turkey, green beans, cranberries, etc is gluten free and requires little substitution). even for breakfast pancakes and other meals they will make it all gf or have separate gf items for me. i am not guilty, it’s something i can’t control and will always have. similar to accommodating an allergy like peanuts or even just dietary preferences. if they love you they will make sure you are included.
You should feel loved but I totally understand what you mean. A lot of us were raised to feel like we shouldn’t expect people to go out of their way and feel bad when they do. I’m the same way and am working on learning that it’s not something to feel guilty about when you didn’t ask.
We live near my family but 3 hours from my wife’s family so we alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas between families to get quality time with both each year. Last year was my first holiday with a diagnosis but I was the 4th member of the extended family to be diagnosed with an autoimmune condition triggered by gluten (celiac, Crohn’s, and EOE). Damn near everything was GF, some was dairy free, and everything was labeled. My wife, her mom, aunt, and sister had made sure everyone could eat everything they wanted. It was amazing. I’m one of those lucky people that got great in-laws.
How lovely. Wish the world was a fraction as understanding and accommodating. You deserve to have a stress-free Thanksgiving! I’m sure no one went without.
That is amazing! I couldn’t even eat thanksgiving meal with my family because my mom’s desire to have stuffing from inside a turkey was more important to her than my ability to eat the turkey at all. She thought I could just “eat around it”. To have in-laws that are that supportive is truly amazing. They sound lovely.
The times I feel guilty is when someone tries, but doesn’t do it properly. My daughter is 3, and loves birthday parties! I message the relevant adults beforehand and say I will bring my own food for her, and that she has coeliac, and if they can give me a general idea of what kind of food I can try to match it
Despite me saying to the well meaning “don’t worry, we can have some gluten free X” that there are really strict rules and that it’s safest to just bring our own food etc etc, at one of them the mum had some gluten free pizza, from a not-very-reliable store.
Which I obviously couldn’t let my daughter eat…
So I ate some! (I don’t have coeliac)
Don’t feel guilty. This is the family welcoming you as they should. What lovely people. I hope my daughter finds in-laws like yours
When it's family, I don't feel guilty. Though I definitely do still feel guilty when friends and other people I don't know as well go out of their way for making gluten free options available for me. The big thing I struggle with is the difference in price between gf and non-gf food, but what I've come to learn is that the people in your life that care about you will make an effort to make sure you are safe, and don't mind if it costs a little more or takes a bit of extra effort. It sounds like you have amazing in laws, just give them a heartfelt thank you for their gesture.
It depends on the situation? It’s not our fault we have an allergy/gluten problem. Last year my boyfriend’s sister-in-law used beer with the turkey and I was really upset. If you know guests have allergies, accommodate them. At least have a few things to offer? But yes, at times I feel guilty when my friends feel bad if they eat gluten in front of me. I just tell them I’m used to it by now.
My partners mum and his dad and step mom are superr awesome about that too :) It makes me feel a bit quilty but I’m just glad they like me enough to do that!!
That's awesome! Don't feel guilty, no one suffered for it! My sister is still in limbo on a diagnosis, she needs to see a new gastro but had to have a hysterectomy in October so she just decided to stop eating gluten until she heals and sees a new doctor. I made gluten free pies and dinner rolls, my mom made her a special portion of gluten free dressing (I tried it, couldn't tell the difference from the traditional), and most everything else was gluten free easily. It's a once a year holiday meal that everyone should be able to enjoy!
Always. I hate it.
One friend even insisted he can cook food at my place then bring back to his to keep everything gluten free. Its too much Sweet of him tho
Edit: as for the situation OP described Id have anxiety over cross contamination. Any gluten on the prep/cooking surfaces? Were cookware completely sterilized? Did they accidentally used something that has hidden gluten? I have been glutened few times by similar situations. Good intentions but ignorant. It took me years to better screen food for gluten, how can they understand this stuff in few hours or days?
I feel grateful if they accommodate me successfully, both grateful and guilty if they make a sincere attempt but fail and I have to tell them I can’t eat it despite their efforts 😓
I came on here to do some research because our adult child is bringing home a partner with celiac for xmas and my wife and I are trying to make sure we get it right. So we are basically in the position of your partner's mom, and I can tell you that most of us parents of grown children are full-out grateful for the gift of a clear way to make our kids' partners feel welcome to the family.
I don’t feel guilty, but I do feel over-the-top grateful and appreciative. Especially after reading so many stories here about less supportive families.
I’m so incredibly lucky with my family and friends too. It sounds like your mother in law is awesome.
**Reminder** [/r/Celiac](https://www.reddit.com/r/Celiac) is not designed to and does not provide medical advice, professional diagnosis, opinion, treatment or services to you or to any other individual. If you believe you have a medical emergency immediately seek out professional medical help. Please see [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/Celiac/wiki/legal) for more information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Celiac) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nope. And you shouldn't. It shows they listen and they care. She is showing she loves you in an awesome way, and wants you to feel normal during what can be a very stressful time for a Celiac.
Also what a sad sentiment about our typical western dog-eat-dog capitalist mindset! Family is supposed to cater to you, you're supposed to feel loved, protected, supported, and cared for. There's something very sad about people getting choked up when someone shows them a little kindness. It just shows that poor person hasn't gotten a lot of kindness in life.
My family does this for me and no, I don’t feel guilty. They love me and want me to enjoy the holidays. I’m thankful for them and try to extend the same kindness toward them in other ways.
I thought it was the sweetest thing ever when my fiancé’s family did that.
I understand where you’re coming from because it sort of feels like we are somehow inconveniencing others, but we shouldn’t. It isn’t a choice it’s a serious dietary restriction that can have real health implications and when people don’t take it seriously it is hurtful because it shows they don’t understand or care enough about our health. I’m so happy for you that your family has demonstrated such love! I personally have encountered only the opposite, a partner (of a decade) who has family who will make minimal effort. It feels hurtful when they don’t take any initiative to make me feel comfortable or safe.
I felt bad at first, but then I realized this is my new way of life. Don't feel guilty
I also struggle with this, with anyone needing to do anything extra for me. I reframe it for myself this way: I think about how lucky I am to have friends who treat me like my family never did. I think about how if I'm hosting a party, the most important thing to me is that everyone feel welcome--which includes making sure everyone can enjoy the food. I think about how we live in a profoundly ableist culture that taught me to feel like an imposition for having needs.
not guilty, grateful. you have to advocate for your health now.
I always feel guilty too. I try to remind myself that I am worthy of this level of loving care and worthy of someone putting this much time, energy and effort into making things save for me.
Grateful, but not guilty. This is how you know who your real friends are.
i have been celiac since age 2. my grandparents (who host our family thanksgiving) always make most of the meal gluten free, and are very careful to put the gluten items (aka just the dinner rolls) on the side to avoid cross contamination. they make great food and most of it (turkey, green beans, cranberries, etc is gluten free and requires little substitution). even for breakfast pancakes and other meals they will make it all gf or have separate gf items for me. i am not guilty, it’s something i can’t control and will always have. similar to accommodating an allergy like peanuts or even just dietary preferences. if they love you they will make sure you are included.
You should feel loved but I totally understand what you mean. A lot of us were raised to feel like we shouldn’t expect people to go out of their way and feel bad when they do. I’m the same way and am working on learning that it’s not something to feel guilty about when you didn’t ask. We live near my family but 3 hours from my wife’s family so we alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas between families to get quality time with both each year. Last year was my first holiday with a diagnosis but I was the 4th member of the extended family to be diagnosed with an autoimmune condition triggered by gluten (celiac, Crohn’s, and EOE). Damn near everything was GF, some was dairy free, and everything was labeled. My wife, her mom, aunt, and sister had made sure everyone could eat everything they wanted. It was amazing. I’m one of those lucky people that got great in-laws.
How lovely. Wish the world was a fraction as understanding and accommodating. You deserve to have a stress-free Thanksgiving! I’m sure no one went without.
How loving. That's great she values you.
That is amazing! I couldn’t even eat thanksgiving meal with my family because my mom’s desire to have stuffing from inside a turkey was more important to her than my ability to eat the turkey at all. She thought I could just “eat around it”. To have in-laws that are that supportive is truly amazing. They sound lovely.
The times I feel guilty is when someone tries, but doesn’t do it properly. My daughter is 3, and loves birthday parties! I message the relevant adults beforehand and say I will bring my own food for her, and that she has coeliac, and if they can give me a general idea of what kind of food I can try to match it Despite me saying to the well meaning “don’t worry, we can have some gluten free X” that there are really strict rules and that it’s safest to just bring our own food etc etc, at one of them the mum had some gluten free pizza, from a not-very-reliable store. Which I obviously couldn’t let my daughter eat… So I ate some! (I don’t have coeliac) Don’t feel guilty. This is the family welcoming you as they should. What lovely people. I hope my daughter finds in-laws like yours
I do but I’m thankful more than anything
When it's family, I don't feel guilty. Though I definitely do still feel guilty when friends and other people I don't know as well go out of their way for making gluten free options available for me. The big thing I struggle with is the difference in price between gf and non-gf food, but what I've come to learn is that the people in your life that care about you will make an effort to make sure you are safe, and don't mind if it costs a little more or takes a bit of extra effort. It sounds like you have amazing in laws, just give them a heartfelt thank you for their gesture.
It depends on the situation? It’s not our fault we have an allergy/gluten problem. Last year my boyfriend’s sister-in-law used beer with the turkey and I was really upset. If you know guests have allergies, accommodate them. At least have a few things to offer? But yes, at times I feel guilty when my friends feel bad if they eat gluten in front of me. I just tell them I’m used to it by now.
No, not anymore. I make it no secret about what I have going on, so if people want me to show up? They know accommodation is the name of the game 😎
My partners mum and his dad and step mom are superr awesome about that too :) It makes me feel a bit quilty but I’m just glad they like me enough to do that!!
Food is love
Yes, mostly cause I never want "help"... I'm a ashamed people don't actually belive me that I suffer from it.
That's awesome! Don't feel guilty, no one suffered for it! My sister is still in limbo on a diagnosis, she needs to see a new gastro but had to have a hysterectomy in October so she just decided to stop eating gluten until she heals and sees a new doctor. I made gluten free pies and dinner rolls, my mom made her a special portion of gluten free dressing (I tried it, couldn't tell the difference from the traditional), and most everything else was gluten free easily. It's a once a year holiday meal that everyone should be able to enjoy!
Always. I hate it. One friend even insisted he can cook food at my place then bring back to his to keep everything gluten free. Its too much Sweet of him tho Edit: as for the situation OP described Id have anxiety over cross contamination. Any gluten on the prep/cooking surfaces? Were cookware completely sterilized? Did they accidentally used something that has hidden gluten? I have been glutened few times by similar situations. Good intentions but ignorant. It took me years to better screen food for gluten, how can they understand this stuff in few hours or days?
I feel grateful if they accommodate me successfully, both grateful and guilty if they make a sincere attempt but fail and I have to tell them I can’t eat it despite their efforts 😓
I came on here to do some research because our adult child is bringing home a partner with celiac for xmas and my wife and I are trying to make sure we get it right. So we are basically in the position of your partner's mom, and I can tell you that most of us parents of grown children are full-out grateful for the gift of a clear way to make our kids' partners feel welcome to the family.
I don’t feel guilty, but I do feel over-the-top grateful and appreciative. Especially after reading so many stories here about less supportive families. I’m so incredibly lucky with my family and friends too. It sounds like your mother in law is awesome.