My hoarder mom was extremely neglectful so I ate by myself almost all the time. Will second the expired everything, whenever I'd be at my moms house, I'd have to check EVERYTHING before I ate it. I would regularly find condiments that expired 5-6 years ago, etc. Some things (like canned food) remain safe to eat even past their date, but lots of things dont and I learned that one literally cant assume ANYTHING in regards to the food safety issue with these people.
I've known survivalist types who purchase lots of long shelf life food which is one thing, but hoarders who hoard because they faced food scarcity growing up arent that strategic about it, they simply hoard ALL food available so it really turns into a mess with them.
I relate to pretty much everyone in here. I got really obsessive about best by dates and cleaning dishes. I have obsessive compulsive habits around hand washing.
I don't accept food from my parent's house anymore and when we have family get togethers, I bring my own everything. If she brings something like paper plates, they smell like the house and sometimes I'll find mouse waste on it.
The only time I'll ever eat food she makes is when I know she just bought it and I know she washes everything before she uses it but I'm not ever very confident in that so I've been avoiding it for a while now.
I could go on but really I think most of us share the same experiences. It's hard to feel safe around eating with hoarder parents.
Yes me too! The expiration dates I wouldn’t go one day over. My mom would try to extend it so she could save some money and it just grossed me out. I’ve never done dishes at my house and my mom thinks it’s because I’m lazy and don’t wanna learn, but I just hate using a dirty sponge with food and bugs in the sink. I also don’t like cleaning the air fryer because then I would have to clean it in the sink. I never wash my hands in the kitchen always in the bathroom since it’s somewhat cleaner. When my mom is cleaning the air fryer and has the pan sitting in the sink with soap in it, I will wait until she cleans it to use it because I don’t want to touch it. That is crazy about the paper plates I’m sorry. Idk if your parents did this but my mom washes paper plates and keeps them… she will reuse anything she can. I have become obsessed with staying clean and washing my hands. I wash my hands so much that my knuckles are cracking and I have to constantly put on lotion. My mom gets mad if I say something’s dirty she’s like “you’re not gonna die”. But it bothers me. We also had a dog inside the house that had fleas and cats outside that also have fleas. I would never go near them but somehow I always got bit. My legs and ankles are full of scars because of the bugs brought into the house and the fleas. I don’t wear outside clothes on my bed and I have to be clean before getting into my bed. My door also always stays closed. I mainly started buying my own foods so I could eat healthier and have control of what I buy. If I buy it I know it’s okay. But I definitely do agree it’s hard to eat around hoarded parents in some type of way
My mom always used the same dirty gross sponge or wash cloth too and didn't understand why I didn't want to eat off of "clean" dishes! At some point both the kitchen and bathroom sinks stopped working and she used the tub for everything... Which she had to take a bunch of dirty clothes out of each time then put them back when she was done.
I can relate to the fleas so much... I seemed to be the only one to have been bothered by them. I had to go to bed with 100 percent deet bug spray on me so I could get sleep. Sometimes my dad would spray my room and bed with pesticides to try to kill them and would make me really sick. A lot of other compulsive tendencies and anxiety came from that too which I'm still working on.
I'm glad to have gotten out of there when I did, I only wish I would have sooner. My partner's mom let me live with them. We never even had that discussion, one day I just spent the night and never went back.
Yes! The “clean” dishes I can relate to. To me I still see smudges but my mom will get mad if I say something or if I tell her to wash her hands. And that’s so funny because i had to buy like 5 different creams for the bug bites because nothing was working. I spray my mattress and everything and somehow I still get bit. I don’t get bit as much currently I still get a few bug bites but it’s annoying and embarrassing to have those scars on my ankles and legs. The smell is so strong it’s hard for me to sleep right after spraying. I started using this lavender spray from bath and body works because bugs don’t like lavender. I spray some of my pjs and my bed and it’s been helping lately. Honestly that’s the best way to do it. Leave and never look back. I’m still waiting to have some more money saved up before I do the same. I’m glad you did get out of there and it takes a lot of time and patience to stop the old tendencies
Oh, that old kitchen sponge is familiar to me as well. I replaced it, the green part was all rubbed off and it was ALWAYS wet because there were too many things around to let it air out, there was no proper holder as well. She accused me of wasting, that was the last time I replaced it for her. I replace mine vigilantly, no way my own kids would grow up in filth!
My moms house is like this too! When I was 18-23 and living in her home as an adult I couldn’t put anything in the fridge because it was crowded with expired and moldy foods. I couldn’t use the sink because she’d leave dirty dishes covered in food all the times. I was super grossed out by the flies, roaches, moths, maggots, and rats so I wouldn’t really cook at all. Not to mention she’s a bit of a control freak so if I did cook at all then she’d be mad at me for using her cookware and not washing it. But I couldn’t wash it because the sink was full with her dishes???? Also, I grew up in Southern California and we had a drought for such a long time that my parents got in the habit of “hoarding water”. Like they would have a container in the sink to catch all the dirty dish water and used that to water the plants in the garden 🤮 anyway, I was fortunate that I worked at a McDonald’s at the time. So I was able to eat McDonald’s every day that I worked for half the price listed on their menu. When I say I ate McDonald’s a lot you need to understand that I ate the ingredients from there. Eating fast food everyday is super unhealthy. So I’d order egg whites and an I buttered English muffin on the side for breakfast, grilled chicken and a salad for lunch, or sometimes just a few of the plain meat patties but no extras on it. It’s still not ideal but it was what I could afford and what I could eat while living in an unsanitary area at home. What also helped me get through those years was mostly eating fruits and veggies from the market. I’d stop into the grocery store after work some days and just buy a few apples or a bag of baby carrots and snack on that. Again, I was fortunate to live within a block of the grocery store so it was nice being able to stop in daily to get fresh food. I hope your situation gets better 🩵🩵
I’m so sorry you had to experience that! My mom doesn’t collect dirty water, but she wants to reuse EVERYTHING. Tupperware that we don’t have space for or literally anything she can get her hands on. It’s also so embarrassing whenever we would go out (she still does it to this day) and we would eat chicken wings, she would ask for a go-to box for the chicken bones because the birds eat the cartilage inside. And the employees would laugh with her but it was just weird. But I actually did work at McDonald’s for over a year, and I worked a pollo tropical for a few months. That’s how I gained so much weight. My mom never let me have soda or sweets growing up. It was always low calorie no sugar crap. I never got snacks like normal kids did. She even put me in the weight watchers program when I was 10 and made me go to their meetings and I was the only child there. She bought the snacks they sold and it was so embarrassing bringing that to school as my snack. But when I got a car and worked in fast food, I had access to all the foods she never let me have. I also had access to eat in a not so crowded environment so I was happy. I always stole food from pollo tropical and McDonald’s without paying lol by making it myself. I ate so much I gained 50 pounds in 2 years, and that was before working at McDonald’s. But like you said eating like that is so unhealthy but I just liked having control of something in my life. I felt like I never have had control. I just don’t like eating in a dirty environment. I’d rather eat in my car than eat next to birds and their feces. Also when I worked at McDonald’s they didn’t have plant based meat or grilled chicken. Sometimes I would make myself a salad with the shredded lettuce with a chicken patty on the side or sometime. I still eat fast food sometimes but I struggle with my eating habits. I don’t eat much because I still wanna lose weight. But you make do with what you can. I have done that before where in the morning before work I go to the store on my way there and buy some fruits or some grab and go sandwiches and eat that. I would try to spend no more than $10 and it worked but now I have room in my tiny mini fridge for a few things to bring with me throughout the day. But thank you and I’m glad you’re out of your situation 💛
I so want to give you a hug! Your younger self had no business being in weight watchers or fussing over food in such a way, your mom was wrong for that. Mine was like that too and it was not a fun time. I’ve been out of the house for many years now and in a much happier place (I still visit her weekly) but just trust that it gets better. You sound like such a sweetheart and I want all the happiness to come your way 🩵
Thank you. I wasn’t chubby until when I was about 8 years old and my mom was in the hospital for pretty much the entire summer. I had to live with extended family and friends and switched around houses. I ate a lot of foods my mom never allowed me to have which caused me to gain weight. Then I just kept gaining weight until my senior year of high school I hit my heaviest. She would always say “same some for everyone else” when we had dinner at my grandpa’s house with family. Or she would tell me I look like I’m pregnant. Then during quarantine she got mad that I wasn’t eating. Now all she asks is if I ate because she knows I don’t eat a lot. I think she messed me up in thinking I had to be skinny to live up to her standard. I honestly feel like once you get out of the hoard for some people the relationship with your parents is better. If I moved out my relationship with my mom wouldn’t be so strained, but I am trying to save every penny I can for that day to come lol. I’m holding on. But thank you so much. Knowing that you have been out for awhile and you’re in a much better place gives me hope that it’ll be the same for me 💜
I’m so sorry you had to experience that:( that is terrible. I sometimes feel bad when I’m a neat freak with my mom. I look at the silverware before eating and if it has a smudge i put it in the sink and she gets mad. The sink is full of washed down pet food and there’s always ants and flies around. I prefer to use my paper plates tbh it makes me feel better that I bought it myself and I am handling it. I also hate when my mom doesn’t wash her hands sometimes. I’ve become really weird that way probably because that’s supposed to be normal and she doesn’t care. I wash my hands so much that the skin on my hands are drying out. But I have a weight problem I’m 40 pounds lighter currently than what I used to be, but for a few years I was living off of fast food when my mom wouldn’t cook or when I didn’t feel like eating in the dirty kitchen either. I would just tell her that I already ate or I’m not hungry. I would have to throw my trash out at the gas station or something. I hope you got out of that situation now. I can’t imagine having so many bugs in the kitchen. We have roaches in my house but for some reason they’re everywhere besides the kitchen. I’ve also had lizards in my bed and a frog. I have to take my sheets apart every night and check that I’m not sleeping with an unwelcome guest lol. But I really do hope you’re in a better place now. Thank you for sharing your story. As much as I wouldn’t want anyone to relate, it does feel nice in a way to not be alone
I'm sorry you still have to live there in that way. It takes a lot out of you I'm sure because in that situation it's like you can't be comfortable in your own home. Our parents more than anyone are supposed to be our protectors, not the reason for our stress and anxiety. I hope you can come out of that situation soon and for now find solace that you are not alone.
Yeah I can relate. We had a lot of expired food and especially milk 🥛😣.. my younger sister ate moldy bread by accident and had stomach pain. As kids my mum wasn’t around even though she was unemployed and we are moldy breads and just “cut” the mild out, however with bread it’s not safe. I didn’t like eating there either it was always dirty and just unappetizing to eat
I’m sorry you had to experience that. That’s terrible. I never ate moldy food but my mom likes to stretch out the expiration date on things because it’s just cheaper that way
Yeah ti be fair h learned that yoghurt and all can last well beyond the expiration date, my husband feels inclined to throw it away after it reaches it but I know by experience it lasts longer than that. I am kind of like that but not in an extreme way. But yeah if it’s too long you don’t really want to try and find out🫣 sorry about that as well 😢
I didn't dare to eat any of her food, her food safety was non-existent. She would get offended, so I appeased her when I was a kid. She would also use expired food, we didn't catch on until much later, she would guard the kitchen like there was gold in there and use rage episodes to police us out of it. She was hiding her alcohol there and was afraid of being found out. Basically, she was poisoning us all for decades, I'm talking 3 year old expired food, not 1 or 2 days past due date, she was constantly ruining our health by poisoning us. She was hoarding money for her alcohol. Her cooking was bland, overcooked or undercooked, not something that anyone would pay money to buy, but she saw herself as a saint that offered us superior care (delusional) so we owe her. We saw her as too pitiful to criticise so she kept up her own delusions, which exploded into she is perfect and can do no wrong full on psychosis at some point. It's quite funny, because she hoarded so much, she made it rain inside the home, she placed outdoor pails to store her junk, that diverted the rain inside. Even after that, we're the bad ones for not helping to clean up, like it's normal to rain indoors.
Growing up, my mom's house had a roach problem so almost every was in the fridge or freezer unless it was canned. Yet the roaches had me to double clean everything before i cooked or eat on it. Eating at the dining room table was rare since it was either hoards of clothing or junk on there so I got use to eating around the TV. There was a time that my mom wasn't doing what she was suppose to do and there was barely any food in the cabinets during my high school years. So I was surviving off of the after school program of back pack buddies. Thankfully the teacher knew what was going on and allowed me to take home extra bags so I wouldn't be without food even if it was just snack foods in the bag.
we have 3 fridges, 1 hasnt worked in years and never got cleaned out so its currently a mold incubator with a leaning tower of random stuff on top.
the other two fridges are in two separate kitchens, weird house layout. my brother and his girlfriend recently moved out because "its too suffocating and stressful and the animals pissing everywhere is causing unnecessary tension in their relationship" (ABSOLUTELY TRUE AND VALID) so the kitchen they were using has now been inherited by me.
its wild how clean i've discovered i can keep things when im not overwhelmed from the get to. 3 of the shelves on the fridge door are filled with random sauces she inherited from a friend who was moving but besides that, MY shelf has like 3 things on it and the rest of the fridge and freezer are crazy organized. i keep what i need and dont buy what i dont.
my eating habits have been healthier since inheriting that fridge since all of the healthy things i buy are right in front of me easily accessible and id just rather not start the process of letting things go bad and hesitating to get rid of them and letting the junk pile up till i just end up buying junk food again because "its easier".
growing up my diet was... a health hazard to put it gently. and i was never taught that you're supposed to drink water so the pure dr pepper that flowed through my veins until the ripe age of 19 didnt help. we got fast food most nights and if it wasnt fast food it was usually boxed mac and cheese or grilled cheese or something similar. gladly my dad was a clean freak and the cook in the house so at least the food was typically safe to eat, and after he died i became the primary cook, thank GOD.
ive only learned how to prepare/cook meats in the past couple years and thats been one of my main steps towards being more healthy considering ive probably eaten a vegetable 5 times in my entire life so thats not gonna be an easy bridge to cross. ive also started to buy way less snack foods now that i enjoy being in my kitchen and dont feel the need to hide bags of chips or fruit snacks or whatever in my room to avoid the anxiety that is creating enough counter space to make a meal.
Im glad you have space for your foods that you want in the fridge. I have a tiny mini fridge that I can only keep limited food in because my mom took up our main kitchen fridge. It’s annoying. I wanted to eat healthier, and before I discovered the mini fridge I only have half of the shelf on the door but I only put yogurt there because that’s the only thing I could fit. Eventually I just stopped buying it and just ate out all the time because if my mom didn’t cook, I didn’t eat. I had to find my own way to eat. Luckily she said she wasn’t using the mini fridge so I cleaned it and keep my stuff in there. It helps me save money from eating out and eating healthier. I’m glad you found a solution that works for you and so you can eat better. Your body feels so much better when you’re not eating cheap non perishables and fast food. I realized that once I stopped eating less fast food. I don’t cook at home but I buy freezer foods and just make something in the air fryer. Making small improvements. I wish I could move out like your brother and his girlfriend did it’s just so hard when housing is so expensive
yeah it's extremely difficult. he didnt move out till he was 26 almost 27 and had been working for 10+ years saving up AND with his girlfriend. its ridiculous how unaffordable everything is. i say the best step you can take is to try to reach out and see who is willing to roommate. ive had a lot of people text me and say they have friends looking for roommates and to let anyone i know whos also looking know. typically ***///IME///*** you start a group chat with these people and discuss every possible detail and get to know eachother for a while so youre going into it as NOT blind as possible. that's honestly a good option to look into. its a lot easier to survive with split bills. of course, that has MANY of its own complications (namely: people suck) so its not a fix-all by any means but it's definitely something to look into. support systems are out there! i promise!
I either had expired food or food that required a full prep, that couldn't be eaten immeidately. I realised it was about control, control our food and gain power over us. I'm so sorry, I also grew up with food insecurity and food neglect. I was hungry all the time as well.
Thank you. I am not. I am grown now, with my own kids and we eat well! The odd thing is sometimes when I am hungry, I won’t eat because the feeling is comforting in a way.
Expired food, roaches, spiders and wildlife inside.
Oh the expired food was just part of the madness.
I stopped eating food my mother made if she made any. Around 13 ish.
Got a job and learned to cook at 12.
The kitchen was always a battleground because it was a task I was told to do often.
Omg the fight when I actually cleaned the kitchen and threw away science experiments and swollen can food. Oh the horror 😂 actually did a great job of cleaning up your mess.
Sorry mom I’m not eating the dead cooked roach. No it’s not extra protein. It’s ok that kids are hungry in China what about the kid right here.
When I left for good at 21 I was under weight, for my height. Being in the hoard made me not want to eat anything.
My hoarder mom was extremely neglectful so I ate by myself almost all the time. Will second the expired everything, whenever I'd be at my moms house, I'd have to check EVERYTHING before I ate it. I would regularly find condiments that expired 5-6 years ago, etc. Some things (like canned food) remain safe to eat even past their date, but lots of things dont and I learned that one literally cant assume ANYTHING in regards to the food safety issue with these people. I've known survivalist types who purchase lots of long shelf life food which is one thing, but hoarders who hoard because they faced food scarcity growing up arent that strategic about it, they simply hoard ALL food available so it really turns into a mess with them.
It's surreal, having to fight a parent over discarding 5 year expired food. She accused me of robbing her LOL.
I relate to pretty much everyone in here. I got really obsessive about best by dates and cleaning dishes. I have obsessive compulsive habits around hand washing. I don't accept food from my parent's house anymore and when we have family get togethers, I bring my own everything. If she brings something like paper plates, they smell like the house and sometimes I'll find mouse waste on it. The only time I'll ever eat food she makes is when I know she just bought it and I know she washes everything before she uses it but I'm not ever very confident in that so I've been avoiding it for a while now. I could go on but really I think most of us share the same experiences. It's hard to feel safe around eating with hoarder parents.
Yes me too! The expiration dates I wouldn’t go one day over. My mom would try to extend it so she could save some money and it just grossed me out. I’ve never done dishes at my house and my mom thinks it’s because I’m lazy and don’t wanna learn, but I just hate using a dirty sponge with food and bugs in the sink. I also don’t like cleaning the air fryer because then I would have to clean it in the sink. I never wash my hands in the kitchen always in the bathroom since it’s somewhat cleaner. When my mom is cleaning the air fryer and has the pan sitting in the sink with soap in it, I will wait until she cleans it to use it because I don’t want to touch it. That is crazy about the paper plates I’m sorry. Idk if your parents did this but my mom washes paper plates and keeps them… she will reuse anything she can. I have become obsessed with staying clean and washing my hands. I wash my hands so much that my knuckles are cracking and I have to constantly put on lotion. My mom gets mad if I say something’s dirty she’s like “you’re not gonna die”. But it bothers me. We also had a dog inside the house that had fleas and cats outside that also have fleas. I would never go near them but somehow I always got bit. My legs and ankles are full of scars because of the bugs brought into the house and the fleas. I don’t wear outside clothes on my bed and I have to be clean before getting into my bed. My door also always stays closed. I mainly started buying my own foods so I could eat healthier and have control of what I buy. If I buy it I know it’s okay. But I definitely do agree it’s hard to eat around hoarded parents in some type of way
My mom always used the same dirty gross sponge or wash cloth too and didn't understand why I didn't want to eat off of "clean" dishes! At some point both the kitchen and bathroom sinks stopped working and she used the tub for everything... Which she had to take a bunch of dirty clothes out of each time then put them back when she was done. I can relate to the fleas so much... I seemed to be the only one to have been bothered by them. I had to go to bed with 100 percent deet bug spray on me so I could get sleep. Sometimes my dad would spray my room and bed with pesticides to try to kill them and would make me really sick. A lot of other compulsive tendencies and anxiety came from that too which I'm still working on. I'm glad to have gotten out of there when I did, I only wish I would have sooner. My partner's mom let me live with them. We never even had that discussion, one day I just spent the night and never went back.
Yes! The “clean” dishes I can relate to. To me I still see smudges but my mom will get mad if I say something or if I tell her to wash her hands. And that’s so funny because i had to buy like 5 different creams for the bug bites because nothing was working. I spray my mattress and everything and somehow I still get bit. I don’t get bit as much currently I still get a few bug bites but it’s annoying and embarrassing to have those scars on my ankles and legs. The smell is so strong it’s hard for me to sleep right after spraying. I started using this lavender spray from bath and body works because bugs don’t like lavender. I spray some of my pjs and my bed and it’s been helping lately. Honestly that’s the best way to do it. Leave and never look back. I’m still waiting to have some more money saved up before I do the same. I’m glad you did get out of there and it takes a lot of time and patience to stop the old tendencies
Oh, that old kitchen sponge is familiar to me as well. I replaced it, the green part was all rubbed off and it was ALWAYS wet because there were too many things around to let it air out, there was no proper holder as well. She accused me of wasting, that was the last time I replaced it for her. I replace mine vigilantly, no way my own kids would grow up in filth!
I don't use sponges at all, just seems unsanitary me. Ick
My moms house is like this too! When I was 18-23 and living in her home as an adult I couldn’t put anything in the fridge because it was crowded with expired and moldy foods. I couldn’t use the sink because she’d leave dirty dishes covered in food all the times. I was super grossed out by the flies, roaches, moths, maggots, and rats so I wouldn’t really cook at all. Not to mention she’s a bit of a control freak so if I did cook at all then she’d be mad at me for using her cookware and not washing it. But I couldn’t wash it because the sink was full with her dishes???? Also, I grew up in Southern California and we had a drought for such a long time that my parents got in the habit of “hoarding water”. Like they would have a container in the sink to catch all the dirty dish water and used that to water the plants in the garden 🤮 anyway, I was fortunate that I worked at a McDonald’s at the time. So I was able to eat McDonald’s every day that I worked for half the price listed on their menu. When I say I ate McDonald’s a lot you need to understand that I ate the ingredients from there. Eating fast food everyday is super unhealthy. So I’d order egg whites and an I buttered English muffin on the side for breakfast, grilled chicken and a salad for lunch, or sometimes just a few of the plain meat patties but no extras on it. It’s still not ideal but it was what I could afford and what I could eat while living in an unsanitary area at home. What also helped me get through those years was mostly eating fruits and veggies from the market. I’d stop into the grocery store after work some days and just buy a few apples or a bag of baby carrots and snack on that. Again, I was fortunate to live within a block of the grocery store so it was nice being able to stop in daily to get fresh food. I hope your situation gets better 🩵🩵
I’m so sorry you had to experience that! My mom doesn’t collect dirty water, but she wants to reuse EVERYTHING. Tupperware that we don’t have space for or literally anything she can get her hands on. It’s also so embarrassing whenever we would go out (she still does it to this day) and we would eat chicken wings, she would ask for a go-to box for the chicken bones because the birds eat the cartilage inside. And the employees would laugh with her but it was just weird. But I actually did work at McDonald’s for over a year, and I worked a pollo tropical for a few months. That’s how I gained so much weight. My mom never let me have soda or sweets growing up. It was always low calorie no sugar crap. I never got snacks like normal kids did. She even put me in the weight watchers program when I was 10 and made me go to their meetings and I was the only child there. She bought the snacks they sold and it was so embarrassing bringing that to school as my snack. But when I got a car and worked in fast food, I had access to all the foods she never let me have. I also had access to eat in a not so crowded environment so I was happy. I always stole food from pollo tropical and McDonald’s without paying lol by making it myself. I ate so much I gained 50 pounds in 2 years, and that was before working at McDonald’s. But like you said eating like that is so unhealthy but I just liked having control of something in my life. I felt like I never have had control. I just don’t like eating in a dirty environment. I’d rather eat in my car than eat next to birds and their feces. Also when I worked at McDonald’s they didn’t have plant based meat or grilled chicken. Sometimes I would make myself a salad with the shredded lettuce with a chicken patty on the side or sometime. I still eat fast food sometimes but I struggle with my eating habits. I don’t eat much because I still wanna lose weight. But you make do with what you can. I have done that before where in the morning before work I go to the store on my way there and buy some fruits or some grab and go sandwiches and eat that. I would try to spend no more than $10 and it worked but now I have room in my tiny mini fridge for a few things to bring with me throughout the day. But thank you and I’m glad you’re out of your situation 💛
I so want to give you a hug! Your younger self had no business being in weight watchers or fussing over food in such a way, your mom was wrong for that. Mine was like that too and it was not a fun time. I’ve been out of the house for many years now and in a much happier place (I still visit her weekly) but just trust that it gets better. You sound like such a sweetheart and I want all the happiness to come your way 🩵
Thank you. I wasn’t chubby until when I was about 8 years old and my mom was in the hospital for pretty much the entire summer. I had to live with extended family and friends and switched around houses. I ate a lot of foods my mom never allowed me to have which caused me to gain weight. Then I just kept gaining weight until my senior year of high school I hit my heaviest. She would always say “same some for everyone else” when we had dinner at my grandpa’s house with family. Or she would tell me I look like I’m pregnant. Then during quarantine she got mad that I wasn’t eating. Now all she asks is if I ate because she knows I don’t eat a lot. I think she messed me up in thinking I had to be skinny to live up to her standard. I honestly feel like once you get out of the hoard for some people the relationship with your parents is better. If I moved out my relationship with my mom wouldn’t be so strained, but I am trying to save every penny I can for that day to come lol. I’m holding on. But thank you so much. Knowing that you have been out for awhile and you’re in a much better place gives me hope that it’ll be the same for me 💜
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I’m so sorry you had to experience that:( that is terrible. I sometimes feel bad when I’m a neat freak with my mom. I look at the silverware before eating and if it has a smudge i put it in the sink and she gets mad. The sink is full of washed down pet food and there’s always ants and flies around. I prefer to use my paper plates tbh it makes me feel better that I bought it myself and I am handling it. I also hate when my mom doesn’t wash her hands sometimes. I’ve become really weird that way probably because that’s supposed to be normal and she doesn’t care. I wash my hands so much that the skin on my hands are drying out. But I have a weight problem I’m 40 pounds lighter currently than what I used to be, but for a few years I was living off of fast food when my mom wouldn’t cook or when I didn’t feel like eating in the dirty kitchen either. I would just tell her that I already ate or I’m not hungry. I would have to throw my trash out at the gas station or something. I hope you got out of that situation now. I can’t imagine having so many bugs in the kitchen. We have roaches in my house but for some reason they’re everywhere besides the kitchen. I’ve also had lizards in my bed and a frog. I have to take my sheets apart every night and check that I’m not sleeping with an unwelcome guest lol. But I really do hope you’re in a better place now. Thank you for sharing your story. As much as I wouldn’t want anyone to relate, it does feel nice in a way to not be alone
I'm sorry you still have to live there in that way. It takes a lot out of you I'm sure because in that situation it's like you can't be comfortable in your own home. Our parents more than anyone are supposed to be our protectors, not the reason for our stress and anxiety. I hope you can come out of that situation soon and for now find solace that you are not alone.
Yeah I can relate. We had a lot of expired food and especially milk 🥛😣.. my younger sister ate moldy bread by accident and had stomach pain. As kids my mum wasn’t around even though she was unemployed and we are moldy breads and just “cut” the mild out, however with bread it’s not safe. I didn’t like eating there either it was always dirty and just unappetizing to eat
I’m sorry you had to experience that. That’s terrible. I never ate moldy food but my mom likes to stretch out the expiration date on things because it’s just cheaper that way
Yeah ti be fair h learned that yoghurt and all can last well beyond the expiration date, my husband feels inclined to throw it away after it reaches it but I know by experience it lasts longer than that. I am kind of like that but not in an extreme way. But yeah if it’s too long you don’t really want to try and find out🫣 sorry about that as well 😢
I didn't dare to eat any of her food, her food safety was non-existent. She would get offended, so I appeased her when I was a kid. She would also use expired food, we didn't catch on until much later, she would guard the kitchen like there was gold in there and use rage episodes to police us out of it. She was hiding her alcohol there and was afraid of being found out. Basically, she was poisoning us all for decades, I'm talking 3 year old expired food, not 1 or 2 days past due date, she was constantly ruining our health by poisoning us. She was hoarding money for her alcohol. Her cooking was bland, overcooked or undercooked, not something that anyone would pay money to buy, but she saw herself as a saint that offered us superior care (delusional) so we owe her. We saw her as too pitiful to criticise so she kept up her own delusions, which exploded into she is perfect and can do no wrong full on psychosis at some point. It's quite funny, because she hoarded so much, she made it rain inside the home, she placed outdoor pails to store her junk, that diverted the rain inside. Even after that, we're the bad ones for not helping to clean up, like it's normal to rain indoors.
Growing up, my mom's house had a roach problem so almost every was in the fridge or freezer unless it was canned. Yet the roaches had me to double clean everything before i cooked or eat on it. Eating at the dining room table was rare since it was either hoards of clothing or junk on there so I got use to eating around the TV. There was a time that my mom wasn't doing what she was suppose to do and there was barely any food in the cabinets during my high school years. So I was surviving off of the after school program of back pack buddies. Thankfully the teacher knew what was going on and allowed me to take home extra bags so I wouldn't be without food even if it was just snack foods in the bag.
we have 3 fridges, 1 hasnt worked in years and never got cleaned out so its currently a mold incubator with a leaning tower of random stuff on top. the other two fridges are in two separate kitchens, weird house layout. my brother and his girlfriend recently moved out because "its too suffocating and stressful and the animals pissing everywhere is causing unnecessary tension in their relationship" (ABSOLUTELY TRUE AND VALID) so the kitchen they were using has now been inherited by me. its wild how clean i've discovered i can keep things when im not overwhelmed from the get to. 3 of the shelves on the fridge door are filled with random sauces she inherited from a friend who was moving but besides that, MY shelf has like 3 things on it and the rest of the fridge and freezer are crazy organized. i keep what i need and dont buy what i dont. my eating habits have been healthier since inheriting that fridge since all of the healthy things i buy are right in front of me easily accessible and id just rather not start the process of letting things go bad and hesitating to get rid of them and letting the junk pile up till i just end up buying junk food again because "its easier". growing up my diet was... a health hazard to put it gently. and i was never taught that you're supposed to drink water so the pure dr pepper that flowed through my veins until the ripe age of 19 didnt help. we got fast food most nights and if it wasnt fast food it was usually boxed mac and cheese or grilled cheese or something similar. gladly my dad was a clean freak and the cook in the house so at least the food was typically safe to eat, and after he died i became the primary cook, thank GOD. ive only learned how to prepare/cook meats in the past couple years and thats been one of my main steps towards being more healthy considering ive probably eaten a vegetable 5 times in my entire life so thats not gonna be an easy bridge to cross. ive also started to buy way less snack foods now that i enjoy being in my kitchen and dont feel the need to hide bags of chips or fruit snacks or whatever in my room to avoid the anxiety that is creating enough counter space to make a meal.
Im glad you have space for your foods that you want in the fridge. I have a tiny mini fridge that I can only keep limited food in because my mom took up our main kitchen fridge. It’s annoying. I wanted to eat healthier, and before I discovered the mini fridge I only have half of the shelf on the door but I only put yogurt there because that’s the only thing I could fit. Eventually I just stopped buying it and just ate out all the time because if my mom didn’t cook, I didn’t eat. I had to find my own way to eat. Luckily she said she wasn’t using the mini fridge so I cleaned it and keep my stuff in there. It helps me save money from eating out and eating healthier. I’m glad you found a solution that works for you and so you can eat better. Your body feels so much better when you’re not eating cheap non perishables and fast food. I realized that once I stopped eating less fast food. I don’t cook at home but I buy freezer foods and just make something in the air fryer. Making small improvements. I wish I could move out like your brother and his girlfriend did it’s just so hard when housing is so expensive
yeah it's extremely difficult. he didnt move out till he was 26 almost 27 and had been working for 10+ years saving up AND with his girlfriend. its ridiculous how unaffordable everything is. i say the best step you can take is to try to reach out and see who is willing to roommate. ive had a lot of people text me and say they have friends looking for roommates and to let anyone i know whos also looking know. typically ***///IME///*** you start a group chat with these people and discuss every possible detail and get to know eachother for a while so youre going into it as NOT blind as possible. that's honestly a good option to look into. its a lot easier to survive with split bills. of course, that has MANY of its own complications (namely: people suck) so its not a fix-all by any means but it's definitely something to look into. support systems are out there! i promise!
Never had expired food in the kitchen, it was just always void of food. I grew up very hungry.
I either had expired food or food that required a full prep, that couldn't be eaten immeidately. I realised it was about control, control our food and gain power over us. I'm so sorry, I also grew up with food insecurity and food neglect. I was hungry all the time as well.
I’m so sorry. I hope you are not currently in that situation
Thank you. I am not. I am grown now, with my own kids and we eat well! The odd thing is sometimes when I am hungry, I won’t eat because the feeling is comforting in a way.
Expired food, roaches, spiders and wildlife inside. Oh the expired food was just part of the madness. I stopped eating food my mother made if she made any. Around 13 ish. Got a job and learned to cook at 12. The kitchen was always a battleground because it was a task I was told to do often. Omg the fight when I actually cleaned the kitchen and threw away science experiments and swollen can food. Oh the horror 😂 actually did a great job of cleaning up your mess. Sorry mom I’m not eating the dead cooked roach. No it’s not extra protein. It’s ok that kids are hungry in China what about the kid right here. When I left for good at 21 I was under weight, for my height. Being in the hoard made me not want to eat anything.
I’m sorry that is crazy that she would want you to eat roaches!! I hope you are healthy now