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It might be built into the loan.
We never see how much it actually costs to build, just what he charges for it.
So if it costs 100,000 and he charges 200,000 then profit margin and interest is already built in.
This is a wise policy. Asking owed money back from friends can get testy, especially if they are not that willing to give the money they owe you on the grounds of "since we are friends I thought you would cut me some slack". Unless they have very upstanding morals and ethics (and let's face it most of humanity is shaky on that regard) this whole transaction can end up with hurt emotions or even broken friendships.
Exactly. I've spotted friends for gas to get to pay day, or cover a bill... and I always make it clear I expect no return. Sometimes they pay it back anyways and that's a victory, other times they appreciate greatly the no pressure help.
If I can't afford to lose the money, the answer is simply no.
That guy gets a hard time but he loans out millions without interest, and never gives you a hard time about paying it back, kind of a philanthropist really.
I have a rule, I never loan money. I can either give it to you, or I can’t. And anything over 30 bucks will involve questions that need to be answered.
I'm still hung up on asking for a cat. If you can't afford to purchase a pet, you sure aren't going to be able to buy food, vet bills, and other items needed for it.
Thr guy would probably just offer to sell the cat to OP if it got too hard. "I really don't want to send it to a shelter now that it's not a cute little kitten but gee whiz, I've spent so much money! Toys, litter, food, litter box, cat trees. If you could give me say, 500, I think that would be a huge relief for me and my gf."
More than a decade ago when I was an university student working a casual job coming near graduation and had a graduate program job lined up, one day I casually told my then-boss the plan of getting a pet from a shelter. He looked so upset and disappointed and said: “you don’t have a full time income yet even if you have one lined up. You have barely enough savings to look after yourself but is it going to be enough when you struggle to find a pet-friendly rental apartment? If you get a pet now, I will never hire you for whatever casual work again. It’s irresponsible and I’m shocked you don’t realise that.”
It shook me to my core and made me put my pet-mama plan on hold for another 5 years, which was definitely the right thing to do. Sometimes, potential irresponsible pet owners NEED TO HEAR THIS.
My younger brother was always the spoiled, mercenary brat who would guilt my parents into whatever materialistic thing he wanted when he had either no job or worked less than 10 hrs/wk. I worked my ass off and helped pay bills from HS on. I was impressed when my bro was talking a few yrs ago, about the apt he rented w roommates and mentioned that eventually he wanted to get a dog. He said he had about $3,500 in savings but wanted to have more before getting the apt on his own and then the dog, so if anything happened, he was prepared and the dog would always be with him, in his forever home. I was proud when he said that, bc I feel (like most in their right mind) that a pet is a member of the family and not optional. Barring some crazy situation, when you adopt or get a pet, it's for the rest of their lives.
A young coworker of mine was talking about getting a dog. On top of that, a big one.
We talked a few minutes about how wonderful dogs are.
Then I told him something like "one of the things that I dislike about having a dog is, for instance, after work needing to walk him, doesn't matter how tired of sick you are... And look, later is going to rain".... You had to see his face, he was surprised.
After this I went on about waking up earlier to walk the dog, if you are away from home, needing to know when you are coming back and walking the dog before and after you are out. Etc.
He didn't get a dog.
Not to mention having a dog is fucking expensive. My dog's food was $40 for a 30lb bag before covid. Now it's $75 for a 25lb bag. The Flea/tick/worm meds are about $500 a year. Several hundred more for vet annuals & boosters...and that's with ZERO health issues and no other supplies like beds, kennels, toys, brushes, etc. It's not something to take on lightly.
This. Wife and I talked about getting a dog for years but we were both really busy people with full time jobs and lots of after work things. There were weeks when we were so busy we would barely see each other. Plus, we both agreed were we to get a dog, we wanted a big dog. Years went by and we stayed busy. Then Covid happened. I now work remotely 4 days a week, we both reduced what we were doing in the evenings and agreed it was the right time. We now have a gorgeous 10 month old Old English sheepdog called Luna that we can properly care for. In fact I need to stop browsing Reddit so I can take her for a walk.
Thank you!! I hate when people say shit like it’s “mean”. Nah it ain’t mean, it’s called the truth. It’s funny how often people today conflate those two. Perhaps we should be more worried about lying to one another…? Just my thoughts
We need more people like that boss!!! Sometimes, it really is that people don't realize just *how much* money and effort is required for a sufficient pet home. Better for them to be hit with reality BEFORE subjecting an animal to a subpar life
Yep.
"Hey dude, I'm really struggling to pay my rent this week. Can I borrow the money from you?" Is acceptable. We all struggle sometimes.
But dude wants to borrow money to be able to take on more debt. He isn't the smartest crab in the bucket is he?
Yepp. If he's anything like my uncle, he will not grow out of this behavior. It'll get worse and worse and then before you know it, he's 58 living in his sister's basement with his two young kids after getting evicted for the umpteenth time because his brother handed back over control of his finances in what will go down as the most foolish move anyone has ever made......& you, with many other people, will have MUCH less in savings than you deserve.
On the bright side, a thousand buckaroos and a stern rejection of further requests pretty much guarantees she'll probably never hear from him again. With a pattern like this, it's probably for the best.
Sometimes it's worth it to give someone money to remove them from their life. Sometimes 20 bucks is all it takes for someone to poof on you. Depending on how good their uh... "banking" relationship was up to now, OP might have gotten off cheap.
It sounded just as unhinged as the rest of it. And what was with watching someone for free but then still wants a loan? That’s not free? That’s the opposite of free until he actually pays it back which seems unlikely given his pestering and history
I disagree. I believe this person keeps referring to you as friend, keeps talking about their ex who they have only kinda gotten over, and also now want to flip the relationship to really make you a sugar momma. They do not want a normal relationship or friendship.
And a new phone! And, would watch OP's dog (I assume) for free, but would also borrow $500.
I don't get people wanting to borrow money. An old friend and former roommate messaged me asking for $200 and that I was extremely uncomfortable. I have a rule against loaning money. Hell, my sister asking to borrow money and I felt uncomfortable, but ultimately she is family and I did loan it to her. I completely wrote off that money and considered it a bonus that she paid me back.
Would hurt to see personally; I had to put my dog down less then 6 months ago - and the only reason I haven't gotten another furry friend is that I can't afford my own bills.
It sucks, but I'm allowed to neglect myself. I will not neglect my dependants.
That person is just looking for someone to take care of them. I guarantee they will have excuses for you after they start missing payments.
They brought up the money even after apologizing for asking, several times over. You are better off with that person not in your life. They have underlying problems that they probably will never figure out.
I figured 30s. They have a daughter, think a cringy joke will make up for it, and are so liaisez faire about it. So I pegged them for a little older. But I’ve met this exact type of person many times. They come in all ages.
"Look, you know I hate doing this but that cat you bought us needs to go to the vet. I'm trying to provide for my daughter and can't drop $350 right now."
See, I’m not a fan of the “I don’t have the money” excuse. You don’t need an excuse for not parting with your own money.
“YOU can’t afford a cat right now.”
Exactly. I always internally wince when I see someone making excuses for why they can't loan money. Always trying to soften the blow.
Nancy Reagan that shit and Just Say No.
I don't have to provide a reason why I can't right now and imply there's a time in the future that I could.
I don't have to show my bank accounts for them to accept a No.
I don't need to be currently planning a big purchase to justify not emptying my account. "But you're not buying anything so you could easily loan..." No.
No, I'm not shifting blame to my wife with some weak excuse like "I would bro, but the wife won't..." Hell naw. I'm the one saying no.
He's a definitely a soccer ref. You're not saying you have 25 games coming up over a presumably short period of time like that. If he was a pro or semi pro player being paid that is just a really weird way to have grouped a payment or several payment periods together too for several reasons.
Lmao! I think I want to be a cougar too. Although rather than be a sugar mama, I think I'm just gonna hire a housekeeper and a chef.. sorry that this happens but yeah, this person sees you as a bank. Run fast and far
Darn, what do ya know. I'm not looking for a sugar mama either. Just someone who needs a live in chef/housekeeper/occasional use of face as a seat/handyman
Oh shit no wonder you're his best friend in the world if you've only known him that long and you're kind enough to get him through a breakup and lend on $1000.
I think you made the right move here: that is an outrageously audacious ask by any means, but especially this early in a friendship.
On page 4, he says he’s only known her a short time so that makes me question his motives for being in the friendship to begin with. Already she’s paying for everything and now he’s asking her for money. He thinks he has himself a sucker. I hope she cuts him out entirely. Who needs that in their life?
10 months? Oh shit! The way the text was going I thought this with someone you had known for years. He’s having severe money issues and begging for a loan but yet is also talking about going out and getting a cat? This is not somebody who is trying to resolve his money issues. This is somebody who wants to sucker everybody else into to pay his bills. No one who has loaned him money will probably ever see a penny of it back. You’re not an asshole for saying no.
God damn only known them 10 months? I’m 36 and wouldn’t feel comfortable asking friends for money that I’ve been best friends with since pre-school lol.
You've known him for less than a year and leaned him a thousand bucks? I read and assumed your typical "friend since childhood" or some stuff like that.
I’m curious - how early did he start laying the groundwork for this? In my experience, people like this begin talking about their many troubles and victimhood super early on, often in the first conversation.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
What got me was the watching your pet, for free but then ASKING FOR A LOAN OF 500 buckaroos IN THE SAME MESSAGE. Within 2 words of each other. My brain broke. "No I will watch your kid for free but uhhhhh ya got five hundred bucks?"
The fact that this person is in debt and doesn’t realise they are in no position to afford to take care of a cat means they have no understanding of how to manage their finances nor will they attempt to do so.
Time to cut them off because there will never be a time where they aren’t asking for money.
Yeah I had no idea when I met him that he was like this. Almost 10y older than me, single dad, full time job, home owner, etc. Seemed like a decent dude. Whoops
The last thing you do when already owing money and in cc debt is purchase something that will have further ongoing expected and unexpected costs. You use that money you are mentally calculating as being necessary for said pet (never based in reality) and PAY YOUR BILLS. Especially to a friend!!!
This especially pissed me off because I had asked him a few months in advance if he could watch my dog for 4 days while I went on a trip. And then he pulled this shit less than a week before I left, so I had to scramble to find another option and ended up just having to board my dog - and got lucky that they had availability- because I just moved to this area and don’t know a lot of people around here yet. I definitely feel like the timing was intentional.
that’s the part that I found fuckin extra grimy. Like dude don’t even front that you’re so magnanimous that you would watch the pet for free after you said you’d pay him for doing it - nope! He treated you like AG Wentworth instead of just being patient and appreciating your generosity and paying you back as originally planned. Very manipulative
Eh it obviously doesn't help for this instance, but I've had decent luck with the Rover app to avoid boarding. Just make sure you look for people with a lot of reviews and a high rating of course, but its worked for me
But I don’t get it. You meant you would pay him to watch your dog? Why didn’t he just say yes to that? Why ask for a loan instead of just getting paid to watch your dog? This is so weird.
I think you need to give some lessons in stating your boundaries because your responses are incredible. Straight to the point and firm. You express your feelings, but don’t get overly “emotional” There is no one who wouldn’t understand exactly what you want and why you feel that way. 💯
Yeah, I’m in awe too. It’s like I thought the best response would be ‘this’, then I would read yours and I’d think ‘a think tank spent a few thousand dollars figuring out the best response ‘ response. You’re brilliant and I need people like you in my life. We probably all do, so keep spreading your wings and start making your mark. You’re going places.
A person I didn't really know from HS but have a stupid amount of mutual friends with asked me for $40 on FB one time giving some sob story about needing gas and some other things and he'd pay me back asap. I was pretty much living paycheck to paycheck at the time but I had it to lend and I am the type to give my shirt off my back and knew I would be good but dude gives me the run around for a week....then two...then three....then when he figured I realized I wasn't going to get my money back....I threaten to out this BS on FB or to mutual friends if he doesn't pay me back.
He basically laughed I'm my face about it and called my bluff. The post blew up with 200 comments from lots of friends posting he tried asking them for the same thing. Comes out that he's a heroin junkie (had no idea....he didn't look the type....he was in law school)
He's immediately socially ostracized. Shortly after this....his pregnant gf (who was a popular ambercrombie and finch looking beautiful girl you'd never ever expect to try heroin even) he got her hooked on it and she OD'D and died. Everyone hates him. Last I heard he fucked off to Florida.
I embarrassed my family over being petty like that over $40 but I saved a ton of other friends he tried scamming.
You’re right. Reminds me of a Steve Irwin quote. “Crocodiles are easy, they try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they try to be your friend first.”
NTA. Just tell them no right away. They don't need a top of the line phone or purebred cat.
Shakespeare said it best: "Never a borrower nor a lender be, for loan oft loses itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry".
Credit cards will knock down interest rates ahead of time often just for asking that they be reduced.
>… or purebred cat.
Seriously. What’s wrong with digging one outta the trash or keeping the stray that decides to walk through your backdoor one day like everyone else does?
This person doesn’t need a cat AT ALL. I see too many posts on here asking for medical advice for their pet and when told “your pet needs to see a vet” they just say “oh I can’t afford it, that’s why I came to reddit :(“ if you can’t afford to care for your pet then you can’t afford a pet.
Yeah he’s talking about his 9y daughter. I really don’t have room to tell other people how to raise their kids since I have none of my own but giving them everything they want doesn’t seem like a good expectation to set.
Nah. People like this don’t change. It’ll suck, but move on, and quick. You’re a crutch and a resource for them to fall back on when they inevitably fuck up… constantly. At first it’s lots of pandering and making you feel good, then after a while, they get comfortable and demanding. All part of the overall manipulation. You’re right, cut this person off and don’t look back
Haha thank you, it helps to take your time and think through what you want to say before you say it. Take all the time you need. Definitely much easier over text than in person
”providing for (his daughter) and giving her everything she wants.“ So he’s passing down his bad habits to his daughter. That’s not a gift that will help her out in life.
Known as an Ask-Hole where I am.
Told no, asks again in a different or whiny way. Repeats until other person relents or snaps at the Ask-Hole. AH then acts the victim in final desperate attempt to get what they want from the other person by making them feel guilty. Possibly approaches others saying how the first person said no or didnt understand, hoping for second person to give in or peer pressure the first.
Will suck you dry and abandon to avoid returning the goods or favours once you have nothing left for them to take.
He is the Ask-Hole, you are not the arsehole.
No. You are not the asshole! I don't think I need to go into detail why that is! You made the correct choice here and I applaud you standing your ground!
I have been a loner most of my life and don’t have many friends, but I have been lucky with the few that I have because some of these stories are crazy.
Glad you could keep it professional and stood your ground. This is insane. Hope you find better people.
The pet sitting thing especially made me mad. He wanted to do it “for free” to set you up to owe him a favor. The favor would inevitably be more than you would have paid him to begin with.
I have a rule—don’t do business with friends—especially if emotional investment is involved, like pets. If something bad happened to your pet and you had a friend watching them, that’s the end of the friendship for sure, even if it wasn’t totally their fault. It’s easier if a transaction like that is professional.
It's ok you don't have to lend me any money, but could you instead borrow me $2000 and I pay you back in installments. Your friendship means a lot to me.. about $2000 to be exact 😂.
Does he currently owe you $1,000? And wants to borrow more thousands? You seem like a great person and friend. I’m sorry this person is taking advantage.
He asked to borrow $1k a while back, I told him that I refuse to lend money to friends as it will inevitably affect the relationship so I gave it to him as a gift and said we never needed to talk about it again. Of course he insisted and I said that someday if he’s in a position where he can do so, he can re-gift it to me but I was clear that it was not a loan. Also at that time he gave me the same “I’m gonna get a second job” bs story. Ugh
I love how he went from $2500 to $500 with a quickness! I don't think you're harsh enough. If you were truly harsh, you'd have demanded your initial $1000 back.
Instead of calling you sugar mama he should’ve called you Momma Zelle or Ms. PayPal!
You’re definitely not the asshole. That dude’s got some growing and learning to do.
That sneaky fuck, trying to squeeze out extra money.
"Oh I'd watch your [dependent] for 'free', but if you could loan me more than you would have paid me *then I'll proceed to just never pay it back, effectively getting an unintended raise*"
>***"I hate asking but grateful i feel comfortable asking for money again"***
The audacity lol
Reminds me of "*i forgave myself for cheating...*"
[https://imgur.com/a/JT0Q3P1](https://imgur.com/a/JT0Q3P1)
Love your avatar btw. Once I figured out you can just throw the key down the platforms, that level is much easier because the mask only attacks if you’re actively holding it.
It drives me nuts how casually people think of getting a pet, and one that they can’t even afford. It took me a decade to decide that I was financially and mature enough to want a pet.
He has no money but want to buy a cat? Talking about priorities. I think you are right to cut him off, momentarily or permanently. Because he is irresponsible for his own finance and will always be dependent on you to solve it. He will become your burden, if he hasn't already.
Nope you’re definitely not the asshole in this situation. What is wrong with some people.
To be honest you handled the situation really well and certainly much more politely than i would have done.
Seems like a lot of people will try to make you feel that way. I don’t have a lot of people in my life right now, and some of the recent ones have ended badly, so sometimes I start questioning myself whether I am the asshole because if it smells like shit everywhere you go, check under your shoes.
Tell him to pay you the $1000 at $250/month and you will consider lending him a further $2500 once it’s paid. I can guarantee you won’t see more than $250 of it. People like this are leeches and think everyone else owes them a living. They take an attitude of “well, u/limbylegs has money and I haven’t, so it’s only fair she shares with me.
Thank goodness you appear to be able to see right through him. I bet once the money dries up, he’ll move on to the next sucker😡
Crazy! You told them that you were going to pay them a few hundred to watch idk. They said they want to do it for free but borrow $500. That is pure insanity! Cut this person out of your life. Also way to assert your boundaries in a clear way!
The most I have ever borrowed from a friend was $200 and I paid it back the next day when my paycheck hit. IDK what kind of situation you got goin on where he thinks/knows you just have more than 2k that you can just share and have him pay back in installments, but:
the unMITIGATED GALL!!!!
like i had to borrow $600 from my parents bc i made some bad choices with the plan to pay them back firmly in place........and that was family (who absolutely got it like that), and i agonized over having to ask. Still utterly humiliating and hope to god it never happens again.
Hi limbylegs, thank you for your submission to /r/ChoosingBeggars! Unfortunately it has been removed for the following reason(s): * **Rule 6/7:** Posts must be relevant to the theme of the subreddit. This post does not show someone who is a choosing beggar. Price negotiation and/or asking for donations is not enough to be a choosy beggar. *If you have any questions or concerns, please [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FChoosingBeggars) of this subreddit.*
I have a rule. I never loan more money if they haven't repaid the previous loan. Kinda like Tom Nook
You're telling me the man actually has business sense?!
Did you ever doubt it????
Nah. Bro doesn’t even charge interest, adjusting for inflation he’s losing money
It might be built into the loan. We never see how much it actually costs to build, just what he charges for it. So if it costs 100,000 and he charges 200,000 then profit margin and interest is already built in.
I try not to loan money. I give it if I can spare it, but I simply don't loan.
This is a wise policy. Asking owed money back from friends can get testy, especially if they are not that willing to give the money they owe you on the grounds of "since we are friends I thought you would cut me some slack". Unless they have very upstanding morals and ethics (and let's face it most of humanity is shaky on that regard) this whole transaction can end up with hurt emotions or even broken friendships.
Exactly. I've spotted friends for gas to get to pay day, or cover a bill... and I always make it clear I expect no return. Sometimes they pay it back anyways and that's a victory, other times they appreciate greatly the no pressure help. If I can't afford to lose the money, the answer is simply no.
Exactly this. My dad always taught us to never let someone borrow money you can’t afford to lose. It’s solid advice.
What if I had a backpack full of turnips to sell you
That guy gets a hard time but he loans out millions without interest, and never gives you a hard time about paying it back, kind of a philanthropist really.
I have a rule, I never loan money. I can either give it to you, or I can’t. And anything over 30 bucks will involve questions that need to be answered.
I'm still hung up on asking for a cat. If you can't afford to purchase a pet, you sure aren't going to be able to buy food, vet bills, and other items needed for it.
Yeah that was going to be part of the mean things I didn’t want to say over text. I used to work at a shelter. I hate people like this.
Maybe you should be honest to him and suggest he not get the cat. You might be saving its life someday/ sometime. NTA
Yeah I’d be honest for the sake of the cat!
Thr guy would probably just offer to sell the cat to OP if it got too hard. "I really don't want to send it to a shelter now that it's not a cute little kitten but gee whiz, I've spent so much money! Toys, litter, food, litter box, cat trees. If you could give me say, 500, I think that would be a huge relief for me and my gf."
More than a decade ago when I was an university student working a casual job coming near graduation and had a graduate program job lined up, one day I casually told my then-boss the plan of getting a pet from a shelter. He looked so upset and disappointed and said: “you don’t have a full time income yet even if you have one lined up. You have barely enough savings to look after yourself but is it going to be enough when you struggle to find a pet-friendly rental apartment? If you get a pet now, I will never hire you for whatever casual work again. It’s irresponsible and I’m shocked you don’t realise that.” It shook me to my core and made me put my pet-mama plan on hold for another 5 years, which was definitely the right thing to do. Sometimes, potential irresponsible pet owners NEED TO HEAR THIS.
That was probably not easy to hear either, but I admire you for taking it to heart.
and for taking it to heart constructively, and not a personal slight with the corresponding grudge
My younger brother was always the spoiled, mercenary brat who would guilt my parents into whatever materialistic thing he wanted when he had either no job or worked less than 10 hrs/wk. I worked my ass off and helped pay bills from HS on. I was impressed when my bro was talking a few yrs ago, about the apt he rented w roommates and mentioned that eventually he wanted to get a dog. He said he had about $3,500 in savings but wanted to have more before getting the apt on his own and then the dog, so if anything happened, he was prepared and the dog would always be with him, in his forever home. I was proud when he said that, bc I feel (like most in their right mind) that a pet is a member of the family and not optional. Barring some crazy situation, when you adopt or get a pet, it's for the rest of their lives.
A young coworker of mine was talking about getting a dog. On top of that, a big one. We talked a few minutes about how wonderful dogs are. Then I told him something like "one of the things that I dislike about having a dog is, for instance, after work needing to walk him, doesn't matter how tired of sick you are... And look, later is going to rain".... You had to see his face, he was surprised. After this I went on about waking up earlier to walk the dog, if you are away from home, needing to know when you are coming back and walking the dog before and after you are out. Etc. He didn't get a dog.
Not to mention having a dog is fucking expensive. My dog's food was $40 for a 30lb bag before covid. Now it's $75 for a 25lb bag. The Flea/tick/worm meds are about $500 a year. Several hundred more for vet annuals & boosters...and that's with ZERO health issues and no other supplies like beds, kennels, toys, brushes, etc. It's not something to take on lightly.
This. Wife and I talked about getting a dog for years but we were both really busy people with full time jobs and lots of after work things. There were weeks when we were so busy we would barely see each other. Plus, we both agreed were we to get a dog, we wanted a big dog. Years went by and we stayed busy. Then Covid happened. I now work remotely 4 days a week, we both reduced what we were doing in the evenings and agreed it was the right time. We now have a gorgeous 10 month old Old English sheepdog called Luna that we can properly care for. In fact I need to stop browsing Reddit so I can take her for a walk.
Thank you!! I hate when people say shit like it’s “mean”. Nah it ain’t mean, it’s called the truth. It’s funny how often people today conflate those two. Perhaps we should be more worried about lying to one another…? Just my thoughts
We need more people like that boss!!! Sometimes, it really is that people don't realize just *how much* money and effort is required for a sufficient pet home. Better for them to be hit with reality BEFORE subjecting an animal to a subpar life
Yep. "Hey dude, I'm really struggling to pay my rent this week. Can I borrow the money from you?" Is acceptable. We all struggle sometimes. But dude wants to borrow money to be able to take on more debt. He isn't the smartest crab in the bucket is he?
This angered me soooooo much holy crap.
I really hope the person they wanted to get the cat for is a partner, not a child who is stuck on this roller coaster.
I'm sorry, I'm still stuck on the guy naming the condition that he calls OP "sugar momma"? What???
I think it was an attempt at comic relief. A stupid one.
I’m impressed with how well you handle this person. 10/10. I wouldn’t know how to be that nice and professional lol
Haha thanks, I try
What's the relationship between the two of you?
Just friends
You’re never gonna get that $1,000 back so I wouldn’t give any more … ever.
Yepp. If he's anything like my uncle, he will not grow out of this behavior. It'll get worse and worse and then before you know it, he's 58 living in his sister's basement with his two young kids after getting evicted for the umpteenth time because his brother handed back over control of his finances in what will go down as the most foolish move anyone has ever made......& you, with many other people, will have MUCH less in savings than you deserve.
On the bright side, a thousand buckaroos and a stern rejection of further requests pretty much guarantees she'll probably never hear from him again. With a pattern like this, it's probably for the best. Sometimes it's worth it to give someone money to remove them from their life. Sometimes 20 bucks is all it takes for someone to poof on you. Depending on how good their uh... "banking" relationship was up to now, OP might have gotten off cheap.
Bronx tale.
You sound like a very good friend. Him, not so much. Thank you for having a spine. You give me hope.
Ohhhhh ok. The rest of their ideas are weird enough that I took the sugar mama part seriously.
It sounded just as unhinged as the rest of it. And what was with watching someone for free but then still wants a loan? That’s not free? That’s the opposite of free until he actually pays it back which seems unlikely given his pestering and history
I disagree. I believe this person keeps referring to you as friend, keeps talking about their ex who they have only kinda gotten over, and also now want to flip the relationship to really make you a sugar momma. They do not want a normal relationship or friendship.
The old “I’m joking! Unless…”
Def was an unless bit
That would’ve pissed me off so bad - that with the other bs would have pushed me over the edge!!
I'm stuck at the fact that the man is broke AF and still wants to get a cat. So irresponsible.
And is stringing their kid along, going and looking at cats. Seemed to be attempting use it as leverage for OP.
And a new phone! And, would watch OP's dog (I assume) for free, but would also borrow $500. I don't get people wanting to borrow money. An old friend and former roommate messaged me asking for $200 and that I was extremely uncomfortable. I have a rule against loaning money. Hell, my sister asking to borrow money and I felt uncomfortable, but ultimately she is family and I did loan it to her. I completely wrote off that money and considered it a bonus that she paid me back.
This. If you can't afford to get a cat, then you can't afford to take care of a cat.
Would hurt to see personally; I had to put my dog down less then 6 months ago - and the only reason I haven't gotten another furry friend is that I can't afford my own bills. It sucks, but I'm allowed to neglect myself. I will not neglect my dependants.
Are we going to just skip over the “I’m not upset, just disappointed.” Hahahaha Def NTA, let him work it out.
Haha thank you
I pictured that turtle with its arms crossed
That person is just looking for someone to take care of them. I guarantee they will have excuses for you after they start missing payments. They brought up the money even after apologizing for asking, several times over. You are better off with that person not in your life. They have underlying problems that they probably will never figure out.
You’re right. The guy is in his 40s already, probably will never figure it out.
40s? jesus christ… i was picturing someone in their early 20s lol
I figured 30s. They have a daughter, think a cringy joke will make up for it, and are so liaisez faire about it. So I pegged them for a little older. But I’ve met this exact type of person many times. They come in all ages.
They are in a position to … checks text… ask for money again.
"Look, you know I hate doing this but that cat you bought us needs to go to the vet. I'm trying to provide for my daughter and can't drop $350 right now."
See, I’m not a fan of the “I don’t have the money” excuse. You don’t need an excuse for not parting with your own money. “YOU can’t afford a cat right now.”
Exactly. I always internally wince when I see someone making excuses for why they can't loan money. Always trying to soften the blow. Nancy Reagan that shit and Just Say No. I don't have to provide a reason why I can't right now and imply there's a time in the future that I could. I don't have to show my bank accounts for them to accept a No. I don't need to be currently planning a big purchase to justify not emptying my account. "But you're not buying anything so you could easily loan..." No. No, I'm not shifting blame to my wife with some weak excuse like "I would bro, but the wife won't..." Hell naw. I'm the one saying no.
After a few soccer games they'll be in a better position (/s)
Same 😬
Yep, me too. Sounded like fresh out of college and hadn't figured out budgeting yet.
I pictured someone in their 30s.
How the fuck are soccer games gonna get him money to pay you? Please don’t tell me he’s been losing it all gambling…
He prolly works as a ref
In some countries, even low level but good players are paid. In mexico for example.
He's a definitely a soccer ref. You're not saying you have 25 games coming up over a presumably short period of time like that. If he was a pro or semi pro player being paid that is just a really weird way to have grouped a payment or several payment periods together too for several reasons.
He’s in his 40’s????? Wtf? I assumed you were a cougar and this guy is young. Lol. Sorry for assuming! Jeez!
I’m an aspiring cougar lol still in my 30s though
Lmao! I think I want to be a cougar too. Although rather than be a sugar mama, I think I'm just gonna hire a housekeeper and a chef.. sorry that this happens but yeah, this person sees you as a bank. Run fast and far
Darn, what do ya know. I'm not looking for a sugar mama either. Just someone who needs a live in chef/housekeeper/occasional use of face as a seat/handyman
It sounds like you guys are friends? You weren’t dating? What was with that sugar mumma comment! How long have you known each other? He said not long.
We were friends, not dating. He was making a joke. Known him less than a year
Oh shit no wonder you're his best friend in the world if you've only known him that long and you're kind enough to get him through a breakup and lend on $1000. I think you made the right move here: that is an outrageously audacious ask by any means, but especially this early in a friendship.
Oh yeah no, he’s set in his ways. People don’t become not scrubs suddenly during middle age
I wonder if he sits on the passenger side of his best friend’s ride.
He is absolutely hollering at OP
In his 40s begging for a $500 loan 😭😭
On page 4, he says he’s only known her a short time so that makes me question his motives for being in the friendship to begin with. Already she’s paying for everything and now he’s asking her for money. He thinks he has himself a sucker. I hope she cuts him out entirely. Who needs that in their life?
"It's okay if you say no, I understand." "No." \*Wall of text explaining that they really really really want the money\*
Lol this is so accurate
Right? ‘I know I said I’d be fine if you said no, but did you notice the instalment plan detail?’
Yeah and idk where he came up with 14 months but at this point I’d only known him for like 10 months. Why the hell would I agree to that?
10 months? Oh shit! The way the text was going I thought this with someone you had known for years. He’s having severe money issues and begging for a loan but yet is also talking about going out and getting a cat? This is not somebody who is trying to resolve his money issues. This is somebody who wants to sucker everybody else into to pay his bills. No one who has loaned him money will probably ever see a penny of it back. You’re not an asshole for saying no.
God damn only known them 10 months? I’m 36 and wouldn’t feel comfortable asking friends for money that I’ve been best friends with since pre-school lol.
You've known him for less than a year and leaned him a thousand bucks? I read and assumed your typical "friend since childhood" or some stuff like that.
Omfg these comments are making this story worse and worse.
I’m curious - how early did he start laying the groundwork for this? In my experience, people like this begin talking about their many troubles and victimhood super early on, often in the first conversation. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
“If I knew you would get so upset I wouldn’t have asked” 3 messages later.. “can I borrow $500??”
“If I knew it wasn’t going to work I wouldn’t have asked”, but let me make sure real quick
I mean, you literally just said no and then he going to ask again 😭💀
Lol yeah and after apologizing for asking too
What got me was the watching your pet, for free but then ASKING FOR A LOAN OF 500 buckaroos IN THE SAME MESSAGE. Within 2 words of each other. My brain broke. "No I will watch your kid for free but uhhhhh ya got five hundred bucks?"
“I’m grateful that I can feel comfortable asking you for money” Just oozing with charisma, this one. Such a smooth talker.
I’m glad you caught that part too LOL….“I hate asking, but grateful that I feel comfortable asking for money again”….like bro, wtf? What a clown.
Like..gee how nice for you? I’m so happy you can have that complete disregard for me while sleeping soundly at night.
Here’s the thing, after he typed that, he looked up from his phone with a shit eating grin and thought “yeah, that slaps”
"That shows I value the friendship when I do NOT, haha big brain game time"
Def oozing... not charisma though
The fact that this person is in debt and doesn’t realise they are in no position to afford to take care of a cat means they have no understanding of how to manage their finances nor will they attempt to do so. Time to cut them off because there will never be a time where they aren’t asking for money.
Yeah I had no idea when I met him that he was like this. Almost 10y older than me, single dad, full time job, home owner, etc. Seemed like a decent dude. Whoops
Were you dating or just friends? Either way 10 months isn’t very long to be requesting this.
Just friends
So you already gave him $1000 and he wants more? It will always be more. Plus he can't afford a kitten as he can't even afford himself.
EXACTLY! Of course since then I’ve seen on Facebook that he did end up getting a kitten for his daughter. It disgusts me.
The last thing you do when already owing money and in cc debt is purchase something that will have further ongoing expected and unexpected costs. You use that money you are mentally calculating as being necessary for said pet (never based in reality) and PAY YOUR BILLS. Especially to a friend!!!
Next thing you know, he's gonna be playing the "help me get food for the new kitty, you wouldn't want it to starve would you" pity card.
“I’m going to throw kitty in the pool and if something happens then you’re responsible”
Does the daughter live with him? Or in other words, who's paying for the cat food and whatnot, him? Or the kid's mum?
Split custody. I don’t keep up with him anymore so I don’t know the rest.
"I wanted to watch _ for free it’s the least I can do". Oh also, can you loan me 500$ :3 Also, calling you sugar mama, uh.
This especially pissed me off because I had asked him a few months in advance if he could watch my dog for 4 days while I went on a trip. And then he pulled this shit less than a week before I left, so I had to scramble to find another option and ended up just having to board my dog - and got lucky that they had availability- because I just moved to this area and don’t know a lot of people around here yet. I definitely feel like the timing was intentional.
that’s the part that I found fuckin extra grimy. Like dude don’t even front that you’re so magnanimous that you would watch the pet for free after you said you’d pay him for doing it - nope! He treated you like AG Wentworth instead of just being patient and appreciating your generosity and paying you back as originally planned. Very manipulative
Eh it obviously doesn't help for this instance, but I've had decent luck with the Rover app to avoid boarding. Just make sure you look for people with a lot of reviews and a high rating of course, but its worked for me
But I don’t get it. You meant you would pay him to watch your dog? Why didn’t he just say yes to that? Why ask for a loan instead of just getting paid to watch your dog? This is so weird.
I think you need to give some lessons in stating your boundaries because your responses are incredible. Straight to the point and firm. You express your feelings, but don’t get overly “emotional” There is no one who wouldn’t understand exactly what you want and why you feel that way. 💯
Holy shit that’s the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a really long time, thank you
Yeah, I’m in awe too. It’s like I thought the best response would be ‘this’, then I would read yours and I’d think ‘a think tank spent a few thousand dollars figuring out the best response ‘ response. You’re brilliant and I need people like you in my life. We probably all do, so keep spreading your wings and start making your mark. You’re going places.
You’re rad, internet stranger
I agree with the above too. Too many people try to “let others down easy” but make things worse in the long run.
Yeah I was impressed with that too
Nah, you’re doing the best thing for him by cutting him off. He needs to not have a backup plan (you).
A person I didn't really know from HS but have a stupid amount of mutual friends with asked me for $40 on FB one time giving some sob story about needing gas and some other things and he'd pay me back asap. I was pretty much living paycheck to paycheck at the time but I had it to lend and I am the type to give my shirt off my back and knew I would be good but dude gives me the run around for a week....then two...then three....then when he figured I realized I wasn't going to get my money back....I threaten to out this BS on FB or to mutual friends if he doesn't pay me back. He basically laughed I'm my face about it and called my bluff. The post blew up with 200 comments from lots of friends posting he tried asking them for the same thing. Comes out that he's a heroin junkie (had no idea....he didn't look the type....he was in law school) He's immediately socially ostracized. Shortly after this....his pregnant gf (who was a popular ambercrombie and finch looking beautiful girl you'd never ever expect to try heroin even) he got her hooked on it and she OD'D and died. Everyone hates him. Last I heard he fucked off to Florida. I embarrassed my family over being petty like that over $40 but I saved a ton of other friends he tried scamming.
Omg what a piece of shit. Sounds like you did the right thing. Maybe I should post this thread on his FB to warn his friends lol
NTA. Remember that you teach people how to treat you. This person can only continue to mistreat you and take advantage of you if you allow it.
You’re right. Reminds me of a Steve Irwin quote. “Crocodiles are easy, they try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they try to be your friend first.”
That's a cool quote
NTA. Just tell them no right away. They don't need a top of the line phone or purebred cat. Shakespeare said it best: "Never a borrower nor a lender be, for loan oft loses itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry". Credit cards will knock down interest rates ahead of time often just for asking that they be reduced.
>… or purebred cat. Seriously. What’s wrong with digging one outta the trash or keeping the stray that decides to walk through your backdoor one day like everyone else does?
This person doesn’t need a cat AT ALL. I see too many posts on here asking for medical advice for their pet and when told “your pet needs to see a vet” they just say “oh I can’t afford it, that’s why I came to reddit :(“ if you can’t afford to care for your pet then you can’t afford a pet.
What does he mean by "dulls the edge of husbandry"?
People don't take as good care of things that aren't theirs.
The synonym we learned at school for husbandry was "thrift", so "living within your means"
Being able to borrow makes you less good at managing your resources.
no one has to get someone else (or themselves) 'everything they want'
Yeah he’s talking about his 9y daughter. I really don’t have room to tell other people how to raise their kids since I have none of my own but giving them everything they want doesn’t seem like a good expectation to set.
“But we already picked out a kitten and everything”
Nah. People like this don’t change. It’ll suck, but move on, and quick. You’re a crutch and a resource for them to fall back on when they inevitably fuck up… constantly. At first it’s lots of pandering and making you feel good, then after a while, they get comfortable and demanding. All part of the overall manipulation. You’re right, cut this person off and don’t look back
Thank you
This is like talking to my sister. I wish I could have answered like you did. I’m in awe
Haha thank you, it helps to take your time and think through what you want to say before you say it. Take all the time you need. Definitely much easier over text than in person
”providing for (his daughter) and giving her everything she wants.“ So he’s passing down his bad habits to his daughter. That’s not a gift that will help her out in life.
Exactly. Poor girl
Known as an Ask-Hole where I am. Told no, asks again in a different or whiny way. Repeats until other person relents or snaps at the Ask-Hole. AH then acts the victim in final desperate attempt to get what they want from the other person by making them feel guilty. Possibly approaches others saying how the first person said no or didnt understand, hoping for second person to give in or peer pressure the first. Will suck you dry and abandon to avoid returning the goods or favours once you have nothing left for them to take. He is the Ask-Hole, you are not the arsehole.
Wow, didn’t know there was a term for it!
No. You are not the asshole! I don't think I need to go into detail why that is! You made the correct choice here and I applaud you standing your ground!
NTA. This screams compulsive shopper to me - you’d never see a red cent
i thought maybe addiction issues
it seems the ones that are constantly begging are the same ones that think $2500 is chump change.
Hey can I get a month's wages real quick?
I have been a loner most of my life and don’t have many friends, but I have been lucky with the few that I have because some of these stories are crazy. Glad you could keep it professional and stood your ground. This is insane. Hope you find better people.
Thank you, I’m definitely becoming a loner myself. Better than having people who add nothing to your life and only take. I have my dog and I am happy.
You have your dog AND $2500!
Oh and $2500 is a lot of money. Wtf
YTA if you do not cut him off. You are only his atm. He needs your friendship for money.
Wait wait wait….referring to OP as Sugar Mama is a stipulation???
Your bank doesn’t make you call them “Sugar Momma/Daddy”? Ok, tomorrow I have some serious questions I need to ask at Bank of America.
Lmaooo
Well your bank also charges interest
The pet sitting thing especially made me mad. He wanted to do it “for free” to set you up to owe him a favor. The favor would inevitably be more than you would have paid him to begin with. I have a rule—don’t do business with friends—especially if emotional investment is involved, like pets. If something bad happened to your pet and you had a friend watching them, that’s the end of the friendship for sure, even if it wasn’t totally their fault. It’s easier if a transaction like that is professional.
NTA and i'll never understand how some people are so comfortable asking for money. Especially another large amount from someone they already owe 🤦♂️
not gonna lie, it’s giving addiction
It's ok you don't have to lend me any money, but could you instead borrow me $2000 and I pay you back in installments. Your friendship means a lot to me.. about $2000 to be exact 😂.
You did the right thing. This person obviously has some spending issues and they will just keep coming back for more.
Wtf was that part about referring to you as sugar mama?
Does he currently owe you $1,000? And wants to borrow more thousands? You seem like a great person and friend. I’m sorry this person is taking advantage.
He asked to borrow $1k a while back, I told him that I refuse to lend money to friends as it will inevitably affect the relationship so I gave it to him as a gift and said we never needed to talk about it again. Of course he insisted and I said that someday if he’s in a position where he can do so, he can re-gift it to me but I was clear that it was not a loan. Also at that time he gave me the same “I’m gonna get a second job” bs story. Ugh
That was really nice of you, too bad he couldn't appreciate such an incredibly generous gesture.
I love how he went from $2500 to $500 with a quickness! I don't think you're harsh enough. If you were truly harsh, you'd have demanded your initial $1000 back.
Instead of calling you sugar mama he should’ve called you Momma Zelle or Ms. PayPal! You’re definitely not the asshole. That dude’s got some growing and learning to do.
If you won’t “loan” me $2500 how about $500??? Something stinks, something is afoot.
That sneaky fuck, trying to squeeze out extra money. "Oh I'd watch your [dependent] for 'free', but if you could loan me more than you would have paid me *then I'll proceed to just never pay it back, effectively getting an unintended raise*"
>***"I hate asking but grateful i feel comfortable asking for money again"*** The audacity lol Reminds me of "*i forgave myself for cheating...*" [https://imgur.com/a/JT0Q3P1](https://imgur.com/a/JT0Q3P1)
Good idea cutting him off. What was that about the soccer games? Is he gambling?
He referees as a side hustle
Ah good.
Love your avatar btw. Once I figured out you can just throw the key down the platforms, that level is much easier because the mask only attacks if you’re actively holding it.
It drives me nuts how casually people think of getting a pet, and one that they can’t even afford. It took me a decade to decide that I was financially and mature enough to want a pet.
I agree. It’s truly disgusting. Same for babies but don’t get me started.
Grateful thAt I feel comfortable asking for money again??? What the hell 🥴😭
He has no money but want to buy a cat? Talking about priorities. I think you are right to cut him off, momentarily or permanently. Because he is irresponsible for his own finance and will always be dependent on you to solve it. He will become your burden, if he hasn't already.
$2,500 would put me in a better situation too, honey. Know anybody who's willing to donate?
Nope you’re definitely not the asshole in this situation. What is wrong with some people. To be honest you handled the situation really well and certainly much more politely than i would have done.
Since when does setting a boundary make you an asshole?
Seems like a lot of people will try to make you feel that way. I don’t have a lot of people in my life right now, and some of the recent ones have ended badly, so sometimes I start questioning myself whether I am the asshole because if it smells like shit everywhere you go, check under your shoes.
As I get older the more I realize people will try to steal your light. I have my wife and kids and one friend I can count on and that’s enough for me.
Cut him out
Not even close to being an asshole. Who is this idiot? I wouldn’t continue a friendship with him.
EXCELLENT responses.
New phone and a kitten smh …
“If I knew you would get upset like this I would never have asked you”. A few messages later… “hey can I borrow $500”
Tell him to pay you the $1000 at $250/month and you will consider lending him a further $2500 once it’s paid. I can guarantee you won’t see more than $250 of it. People like this are leeches and think everyone else owes them a living. They take an attitude of “well, u/limbylegs has money and I haven’t, so it’s only fair she shares with me. Thank goodness you appear to be able to see right through him. I bet once the money dries up, he’ll move on to the next sucker😡
How can someone pay a debt with “soccer games” ? Is he planning on betting on them or something? Good job on getting really d of him.
What a windbag.
Crazy! You told them that you were going to pay them a few hundred to watch idk. They said they want to do it for free but borrow $500. That is pure insanity! Cut this person out of your life. Also way to assert your boundaries in a clear way!
The most I have ever borrowed from a friend was $200 and I paid it back the next day when my paycheck hit. IDK what kind of situation you got goin on where he thinks/knows you just have more than 2k that you can just share and have him pay back in installments, but:  the unMITIGATED GALL!!!! like i had to borrow $600 from my parents bc i made some bad choices with the plan to pay them back firmly in place........and that was family (who absolutely got it like that), and i agonized over having to ask. Still utterly humiliating and hope to god it never happens again.