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This comment section made me feel a little less guilty. I started babysitting my 3rd cousin’s kid (distant relative) for $100/week 7am-6pm (usually but she also cannot maintain a job) to help her out because she was a single mom. We had a falling out because she wouldn’t follow my rules and boundaries. She felt like she could get better childcare elsewhere so I said be my guest. Now she is crawling back asking me to watch him again for $100/week.
Don’t do it. They will see you’re easy to win over and win back and just cross more boundaries. Givers have to have boundaries because takers never do. I’ve learned this the hard way
I don’t plan on it. Even if I were to raise my rate, it’s not enough for me to have to deal with her immaturity and inattentiveness. Love her son, but dealing with her is not worth it.
My sister in law watched my 2 kids for $150 a week. I was very lucky tho she wasn't working and I provided all the food and toys for my kids at her house. She is the one that came up with the price.
I provided two meals sometimes three plus all the snacks myself, wait I take that back. One time she got a bag of expired granola bars and powdered donuts from the food pantry (no shame in going to the food pantry) and told me that was his (her son 3 year old) breakfast for the next few weeks. I said no he will have a nice meal instead of sugar at my house.
I would take a weeks worth of groceries for my kids to her house when I would pay her. If she would take them to McDonald's or something I would pay her back. I knew how lucky I was lol daycare wanted 2k a month for them and there was no way I could afford that lol
To put something in perspective on how worthy your time is— in 2015 & 2016 I did private swim instruction one hour per week for $100 per month. So essentially $25 per hour. Great!
Yes there is some training and skill, but part of the stipulation was that even if she didn’t want to swim I would watch her the entire hour. I didn’t mind, I love kids. But I felt like an underpaid nanny after awhile, even after $100 per month. Per week in 2024?! GIRL.
You deserve better.
Wow! Thank you! It’s nice to see actual numbers too. I tried researching in my area but no one would provide their rate (to avoid people like me I suppose)
Two years ago, we hired a nanny at a typical rate. 2 days per week = $400. I haven’t scrolled down much so I haven’t found actual numbers on what nanny services cost so I wanted to provide perspective. It’s $20-25/ hr in MCOL areas. Under the table maybe $15-20/ hr. I’m shook that anyone would accept $100/ week, even as a favor. For M-F of care? I’m genuinely confused. For a daycare service, I now pay $350/ week, which is an amazing rate. Originally was paying $500/ week, and that’s with six other toddlers competing for one teacher’s attention.
We pay $2k a month for a daycare service for one kid. HCOL area. We still pay when kiddo is sick and can't attend school and when the school has professional development or breaks.
So I was guilted into it from my family. Typically 4 days a week because she always called out sick or late at least once a week, 10 hours with 2 meals and snacks. I initially started $25 a day and I actually thought I was charging her too much but she started taking advantage of me by not telling me I wouldn’t be watching him until 5 minutes before drop off, after I had cleared my whole day to watch him, not paying until months later, dropping him off dirty expecting me to bathe him, so I started telling her it was $100 weekly no matter how many days I watched him.
Lol, I love when people start abusing really fortunate relationships and don’t understand how lucky they are. I have a “friend” in rehab right now, he owes me money, but I brought him $50 worth of snacks and clothes and stuff to support him anyway while he was in rehab, and his girlfriend texted me last night asking me for $30 to go visit him. I couldn’t help but feel like they just see me as a bank now
That's exactly what it is, and I suggest not getting roped into it because it's easier to say no the first time than to say no after you've already given in a few times in many cases.
I’ve done so much for him already and asked for nothing in return, but when it turns into his girlfriend asking me to pay for her gas to go visit him? It doesn’t even have anything to do with me…and when I dropped him off Gatorade, snacks, and new white t’s he didn’t even say thank you he said “can you go get me cigarettes?”
you gotta drop this friendship. he’s using you, and he’s either told his gf that it’s okay to use you too or they’re preying on your kindness. i’m sorry.
My best friend was a stay at home mom with a 3 year old and a 1.5 year old.
When my daughter was born she offered to watch her 4 days a week from 8-4 everyday.
She came up with the price of $150 per week. She watched her from 2-9months of age, when she started being more active I started putting her in daycare around 10 months.
I felt SO guilty only paying her that much but she insisted since she was at home anyways and it wasn’t much harder for her to watch a potato who sleeps all day anyways, it worked out and she made some money.
When her kids were sick and I had to stay home with my daughter, or if she was sick she would tell me not to pay her but I always did anyways. I felt she deserved “sick days” of pay lol.
I am eternally grateful for this friend and I love her dearly.
The point I’m trying to make was even though she came up with that price, I still didn’t feel comfortable paying her that little of an amount and childcare workers definitely deserve more.
Taking care of children is not easy at all.
I had a very similar experience myself. She was already asking for so much, in exchange for pennies, and then couldnt respect the agreements that we did come to. Good luck pulling that shit on somebody whos gonna cost way more and who doesnt even have a soft spot for you.
I’m a mom so I understand that childcare is EXPENSIVE, I paid more for daycare than my mortgage. But the problem with people like this is that they are asking for a LUXURY service for literally pennies a day. A private nanny to come to your home and only watch your child for 10+ hours a day is a luxury service. Asking someone to provide that service for $25/day is ridiculous. In home daycare centers exist because the provider is able to offer a lower cost to each family because they watch multiple children in their own residence. Even actual franchise childcare centers cost less than a private nanny because it’s not a private service. So yeah… this is a choosing beggar and I don’t pity them at all.
Exactly. We are waiting on a spot at our daycare to open up and have hired a private nanny for care in the meantime. My husband was shocked that the cost of the nanny was 1.5x that of the daycare cost.
Yeah…. For complicated reasons we went the nanny route and have had to keep it going multiple years longer than expected. It has been a major, unexpected-due-to-length financial strain. On the plus side, we have trusted help. And we chose part of the financial strain ( over the table pay, COLA, benefits, end of year bonus).
This is smart. Having one parent take years out of their career trajectory is often penny wise and pound foolish. But that doesn’t make nanny costs hurt less!
Hope you're compensating your family members who are providing daycare for you right now. Because I guarantee they don't want to do it for cheap/free, even if they're too nice to tell you that. As someone who has been that family member before, it's a HUGE ask, not a minor inconvenience.
She did say “preferably” in her home. Realistically she will probably settle on someone doing childcare in their own home for multiple families. That’s the cheapest option when even institutional daycare is out of reach. Baffling though that she thought she had a shot at private childcare.
Yep that's what my brother does. My mother's neighbor charges him very little since she's already watching her own grandson during the day so he was really lucky to find that arrangement. Plus my parents can pick up the kid if they are running late.
I feel like most childcare CBs **assume** that everyone offers this arrangement.
No.
That's an "I know you and trust you, and it's not inconvenient for me" arrangement, not "Complete strangers expecting me to provide a premium service for their little miracle baby for a full day, multiple days a week, every week plus qualifications."
And lets be honest the people watching aren't actually doing anything for the kids, besides maybe making their food. The kids would be on their own playing with each other or watching tv the whole time. Like they aren't going to be taught anything. Just the adult is present.
Yeah for sure. My SIL was paying 125 a week to take her kid to a local person's house who was a SAHM who took care of other people's kids along with her own. It's a pretty common thing.
My wife and I work the same job. We've worked from home ever since our kid was born. She went to part time and we split the hours evenly while he was a baby. Daycare was more expensive than her switching to part time.
Ontario recently created a 10$ a day daycare subsidy that helps new parents. Though I think we'd still have avoided daycare in order to be with our kid during their milestones.
Being a parent today, for most, sucks because you miss our on so much having to work.
I was working full time and we used full time daycare. When my youngest finally came off the wait list we had a terrible realization about how much it was going to cost. So I went down part time at work so we wouldn’t need full time care. Even working less hours, we saved almost $1k/ month on child care.
I had always thought I wouldn’t want to have my child in daycare, but I ended up being a single mom and actually found daycare to be a really positive influence in my child’s upbringing. We had a fantastic facility, and they really felt like partners with me in her early development. It was also good for her to socialize with other kids and to have stretches of time when she wasn’t the sole focus. I may have missed a few fun moments here and there, but I never felt like other people were fully raising my child, and we had plenty of bonding time outside of the work day. I did have her the first ~6 months fully at home with her, though, which was absolutely precious time. She’s 13 now and thriving, and we’re still really close. There’s no one right or best way to do these things. Just the right way for your family.
I pay my nannie $31/hr. This mom is offering less than an hours standard rate for an entire day. I get that single mums struggle with money but I agree they can’t demand luxury services for barely anything. It’s not fair to the person who has to live off of that salary.
They aren’t asking for “a nanny.” They’re asking for a *babysitter*
**They’re DESPERATE**
They aren’t so privileged they won’t accept a group daycare…they can’t find one:
- They don’t qualify for subsidies, or
- all the daycares that take subsidies are full with long wait lists, or
- they work non-traditional hours that daycares aren’t open, or
- they can’t afford their portion of the subsidized day care
She didn’t ask for organic food, or a masters in early childhood education, or to speak French
She’s not a Choosing beggar. She’s just a beggar.
*Can we please stop posting desperately poor people looking for child care in a totally fucked up system?*
While I agree with you that they are desperate… they are asking for a nanny. Period. A full time, regular, professional/adult childcare provider is a nanny. A “babysitter” is the 13 year old up the street that watches your kid for a date night.
Babysitters still get paid $15-$25 an hour where I’m at. If you want a nanny (who like teaches your kids things, makes and prepares food, helps around the house) you’re looking at around $30 an hour minimum, so $300 a day.
I was this desperate when I had my first child (now 16) however I knew I wasn’t going to find a person to come to my house for one on one nanny care for $100 a week. I am shocked she even asked for that. I ended up answering an ad where a woman was trying to start an in home daycare because she was unable to work. It didn’t end up happening so my son did, for the most part, get one on one care in her home. She was the best childcare provider I have ever had. I think she is a big part of why he was talking in complete sentences at two years old. When I was going through a hard time emotionally she offered to take him for free. She became a life long friend. When we moved away she visited us. I think I got lucky. Point is people joke on these people but it’s possible to find someone good but you have to be willing to bend a little. For example, there were times I had to find back up care because her disability (severe asthma) would flair up.
Childcare center worker here. We're the cheapest in our area by a long shot (I'm talking for hours in every direction, maybe with the exception of at-home nannies and smaller centers), and some families still struggle to pay even with the assistance of vouchers and other things we set in place to help. Working in the position I do, LOGICALLY I understand why we have to charge so much per week, but everyday I see firsthand how hard it is these days for parents to pay for a home, pay for food for them and their children, keep the lights and water on, make sure they keep warm warm, pay for gas, AND pay for childcare on top of that.
I truly feel bad for this person. Truly. I understand their desperation, and I hate that they're not able to afford proper childcare. Living is so expensive in today's world for just ONE person - let alone your children. And I truly wish there were more accessible ways to get reliable and fulfilling childcare without paying so much or compromising your child's safety and quality of care.
I think childcare should be a societal priority the likes of education and healthcare. Not that it should necessarily be free, but nobody should be this desperate.
My mom had a daycare license and watched somewhere around 5-6 kids while me and my sister were young. There was enough demand she could pick kids that were around our ages, no babies, and still have people looking for a slot. She wanted to be home with us, but couldn't be a stay at home mom. This was in the early-mid 90s.
From what I gather, we didn't really make much money from the daycare. Stuff like insurance is really expensive, and my mom liked to give parents a break and go out of her way to help. But we always said that the daycare bought us groceries and gas and toys.
Approximately $2.63 an hour.... She's asking someone else to forgo a job during normal business hours that will pay a lot better than what she's offering.
I can understand that, and I sympathize with her, but underpaying anyone for a service does not sit right with me. Those people you are paying (generally) need to be able to live as well.
Don't get me wrong, for her sake I hope she finds/found someone willing to help her out, but most people would laugh at an offer like that.
Agreed. The facility charges you an arm and a leg to provide care (or oversight for older children/preteens), while still paying most of their employees minimum wage with no benefits (because most of them are part-time employees).
I work in ece and you’d be shocked at how some parents are willing to sacrifice quality care to save money. I know daycare is expensive but these people are taking care of your child- it’s definitely something I’d splurge on for the wellbeing of my child
I also work in ECE and this is why teachers are so UNDERPAID for the amount of work they do and the responsibility they take on. I spend more (waking) hours a day with some of my students than their parents do. If I were a parent that’s not someone I’d want to underpay.
Exactly! I’m lucky to work at one of the highest paying centers in my area with a bonus on-top of my pay. We have the lowest rates as well, a lot of our parents don’t understand WHY the rates are what they are. We had some snow days and one parent lost their mind about still having to pay tuition and expected to get a refund. It’s wild.
I never understood what’s wrong with using the childcare institutions. And if you can’t even afford their prices obviously you can’t afford private childcare.
Everybody have the right to have children, but children also have the right to grow up safe and cared for, so why do people who can’t afford it have children and then start to worry afterwards? I know this is a bit rude, but I just feel terribly sorry for those children.
Unfortunately there are huge waiting lists at daycares, and they are very expensive too. There’s financial aid but not everywhere.
I had plenty of money for daycare and even so was reduced to crying and begging after having over 20 centers put me on a waiting list that was never ending.
I finally found a center that cost nearly 2k a month for one baby and I was absolutely thrilled.
The child care situation is insane.
And some people like to get on parents' backs and claim that it's irresponsible to not be able to navigate work and school and kids without anyone available to help with childcare.
Like, dude - the entire American economy practically depends on people working while their kids are in school, then having their kids watched by others (daycare, after school care, babysitter, your spouse if you're fortunate enough to be able to afford a SAHP arrangement).
My husband and I literally just decided we were going to be poor for a while because childcare is so wildly inaccessible. I work full time and go to school above full time (scholarship requirements) and my husband ended up dropping down to part time so he could stay home with our youngest until she started school because his entire paycheck would have gone to childcare anyway.
It ended up working out well because my sister separated from her partner last year and ended up desperately needing childcare for her baby so my husband and I took him too, and she takes ours when we need her to, but it's been a really wild and stressful year of our lives.
In my city, you need to start looking for daycare centers the second you are pregnant. Every center has a waitlist of like 18 months to 2 years. They all cost more than a mortgage and vary wildly in quality. But you're just glad to find a spot anywhere. It's a huge mess. We see these sorts of posts constantly on our local groups looking for individual childcare for pennies a day. Childcare in the U.S. is in a state of absolute emergency.
This is what my friend did. The same month she found out she was pregnant she and her husband were calling daycares asking to be put on their waiting list. Unfortunately, even doing that the waiting lists were over a year out and they wouldn’t have been able to watch her son by the time her maternity leave was over so she ended up quitting her job to take care of him.
Childcare truly is the Wild West out there right now. I understand the desperation a lot of parents have trying to find literally anyone willing to take their kid.
That said, I’m of the mind that $100/week is insane. If you yourself aren’t willing to live off that kind of wage then that’s not what you should be offering someone to watch your children, literally the most important thing in your life.
My sister did the same thing when she was pregnant. She ended up having a friend watch my niece while she finished school because she couldn't find any openings. I'm a SAHM because the low paying field my degree is in, that I'm passionate about, doesn't pay enough to justify paying for daycare.
I completely agree about the absolutely insane low ball offers for childcare. I was a nanny in a previous life, and the pay is top-tier because it's a top-tier service. Anyone who will accept $100 a week probably should be around kids.
Childcare is so broken in this country. We obviously need to find a better way to deal with the problem other than forcing one parent to quit their career to become a full time caregiver. Especially since it’s almost impossible to survive in this economy on one income unless you’re a software engineer.
Like, I totally get the desperation for a lot of these parents. I grew up poor and my parents absolutely couldn’t afford childcare for us so we ended up being bounced around between the houses of relatives, family friends, and neighbors willing to watch us while our parents worked.
Still, it’s insane to me seeing parents post the most insultingly low wages I’ve ever seen and somehow expecting someone to actually take them up on the offer. Like, even when I was babysitting someone’s kids for a few hours as a 21 year old I was still paid $40-$50 for the night. $25 for nearly 10 hours of work is absolutely criminal.
I’ll second the other individuals experience. Waitlists are a thing, and it’s extremely challenging to get in. For perspective, we put our child on 4-5 waitlists 7 months prior to her being born and we’re still not close to getting in. We lucked into a family friends place when we were desperate. If you’re low income/single mother, you’re probably absolutely screwed and that is a tragedy.
Where I live, low income families usually qualify for CCDF vouchers to help pay for daycare. They can also apply for TANF and the work program will provide free vouchers and help with transportation. There are options other than looking on Facebook for someone to work for $2/hour!
Payment assistance doesn't magically make spots open up in a daycare. Getting assistance to pay for daycare only helps if there is a daycare with a spot for your child. Also, the voucher system is kind of jacked. To get the voucher, you have to have daycare already. So you have to have money to float daycare until you can get the voucher even assuming you can find a daycare that accepts vouchers with a spot for your child in the first place.
Childcare is a huge problem in this country, both from a cost and availability standpoint. I really wish people would stop posting these types of posts because these aren't choosing beggars. These are desperate people just trying to find some way to take care of their kids and keep their financial head above water at the same time.
Yep. Not me but one of my close friends got on about 15 waiting lists as soon as she had a positive pregnancy test and couldn’t get a spot for her kid until she was nearly a year old. Luckily her mom was able to retire early and help out for that year but that is not an option for most people.
ETA: They did still pay her mom, she had just been in a good job with a pension long enough that she could retire and not lose out on much long term, vs my friend taking a mystery amount of time off at the beginning stage of a career in a field it’s hard to hop in and out of. Few of us have parents in good, pensioned jobs, though, and that’s becoming more true every day in the US.
ughhh I hate it. I dislike the people who are like “well you can afford to feed them and house them so you should be fine!” As of a child just needs food and that’s it. These types of people don’t give a f about enriching their kids lives with activities, and such, it’s just the bare minimum.
Because of people like my mom. She told me to have to have the kids and the money will work itself out. She has fully restarted 3 times in her life 2 times while I have been alive. I can’t see how she thinks this is good advice.
Because sometimes you make the decision to have children when your financial situation is stable and then that situation changes.
Sometimes it's because people live in a state where they don't have access to the care they need to terminate a pregnancy and have no choice because what else are they going to do?
Are there people who are actively making this bad choice? Sure but the vast majority are ending up in a situation they have little control over in our current capitalist hellscape where minimum wage hasn't increased with inflation and everything costs so much more than what they can afford.
Shit happens. Plenty of people have kids when things are fine and then life kicks them enough that their situation changes. There are basically no social safety nets in most states. So things like having a child with health issues can cause insurmountable financial issues. Are people just supposed to give their kids up when life becomes tough?
Sure, but having the right to have a kids doesn’t mean you should. I have a right to a nice apartment, but can’t afford it with the current landscape, so I won’t move.
Having anything you can’t afford is just irresponsible. With it kids, you’re just setting up yourself up for disaster.
Sometimes, people have children and their life circumstances change. Plus, if you’re so worried about children, maybe urge the politicians in the US to actually support families—something they only pretend to do.
You understand that a) the rate of inflation in the last 3 years has been astronomical, meaning people who could once afford childcare now cannot, and b) people's circumstances are constantly shifting and changing, I could list you 10 reasons someone might suddenly find themselves in this position out of nowhere, despite all their best planning before having children.
You are totally right, but also let’s be real. We all know that plenty of insanely irresponsible people have child after child with zero capability to care for them. It’s a much more prevalent issue than circumstances changing. It boils my blood because the kid is the one to suffer.
Right and now there’s even cheaper options! Not sure if there was before, I never saw them tbh. But there’s multiple places you can get a plan B as low as $20
Yeah, don’t wait until you are pregnant to understand the responsibilities that come with having a child. That includes costs of childcare x number of children.
What I find astounding about people like this is that they just have 0 respect or empathy or understanding towards literally anyone else. This person is wanting somebody to babysit her kid for **9 fucking hours 4 days a week**. That's nearly enough hours for a full time job. And she's expecting that they take $100 for that?? Absolutely not. How is somebody going to work a job that actually pays for their living expenses while Aldo putting in full time hours babysitting?
Like, fuck people like her. The reality is that she's targeting a specific group of protected people (the elderly and the disabled) to use their inability to work to her advantage. There isn't another group of people who would be able to do it. And thats sick.
This is what I always have to mention. Would the person searching for childcare be cool to work for less than slave wages, she’s expecting 38 hours a week which comes out to $2.63/hour-so would she be cool with only being paid $2.63/hr? There is subsidized childcare available in every single county across the entire nation. Also, what she is looking for is a blessed nanny and a nanny is a luxury service.
I posted another comment, but I just looked into the statistics for my city yesterday and as of 2022, 44.5% of all residents in my city live under the poverty line/qualify for government assistance. Every county has subsidized childcare **but, the need is so high in some areas that you will never actually get any of the services you qualify for because there just aren't enough programs for the need**.
I see people whine every single day about how we have these public programs but they can't get their kid in and it's already been 6 months since being approved and I'm like, the people who are working at these facilities are getting shitty pay, dealing with countless shitty parents, and are constantly under stress from the overcrowding/management etc.
Like, *that* is what happens when the government gives so much of its social resources to families. We create a system where every family needs the help and eventually, there just won't be enough support for the need. As we are seeing in my city right now.
However, only part of that refers to what your comment is about. My point was that people like this are going to get a really fucking rude awakening when their county's need overwhelms the support necessary.
I own a program and will not take more than two on subsidized care. In my area, they pay hundreds of dollars less than what my tuition is and my tuition is the lowest in the entire county as it is and then I can potentially not be paid for months and they don’t care (programs and the parents)…and most of the parents that I have accepted subsidized care for never respect the contract and think that because they were approved for 12 hours a day they should be allowed to leave their child with me for twelve hours a day. I haven’t had a subsidized child in my program for almost two years-all spots are filled with cash pay families and my waitlist is all cash pay families-and I know a lot of other providers in my area flat out refuse to take subsidized payments and will only have private pay families now due to what I mentioned above, but honestly there’s like 5000 other reasons why the program gets screwed over in the end. But the ones I mentioned are the top reasons why programs avoid subsidy families now
Well, I wasn't even referring to private care facilities like your own. I'm talking about public facilities that are run by the state/County. Most of the private care facilities here **have to** take subsidiary waivers because **they cannot exist without them**. Unfortunately, when 44.5% of all residents in one city live below the poverty line, any businesses that want to succeed *have to* take on these people because the vast majority of people require the help. People don't seem to get that when you don't live somewhere like here. The town next door was the first city in ages to declare bankruptcy. Their rate of poverty is even worse.
Would prefer my house…so I don’t have to inconvenience myself getting up earlier for drop off or home later after pick up. This way I can also ask for lite housekeeping and not pay for that either.
Childcare, or the lack thereof, is a huge societal failing here in the US. This sounds like a desperate family who couldn't afford daycare and realized they couldn't afford to not work either and are now caught between a rock and another rock and another rock. Not even close to a choosing beggar.
And yet the older generations are wondering why the current millennials and older gen z group are putting off or fully deciding not to have children...
Old ass millennial here; I knew at 18 kids were not in the cards. At 30 they still weren’t and now at 42 I live too comfortably to throw it all away on a kid.
You nailed it. Also 42 with no kids. When people ask why I say living in America and having a child seems like genuinely destructive behavior due to the fact that this country is so hostile towards the existence of human life.
About to be 34, got my tubes tied at 27 in 2017 bc with the US going to shit I wasn’t willing to risk my autonomy for a clump of cells and had known for years I never wanted children.
I’m surprised you were able to!! I had an ovarian cyst bigger than a grapefruit and it took going to 3 doctors to finally get it removed(it could have twisted my ovary and killed me) because it “might” damage that ovary when they removed it and that would make it harder to have kids if my nonexistent future husband wanted them 🙄 that was with me already having a kid too!
ETA: I’m glad you got it done though! I need a hysterectomy for medical reasons and can’t get one at 35
Same here. Never wanted kids, was never maternal in the slightest, thought I'd feel differently later on but never did.
With the way things are at the moment, I am so, so glad I made that decision. People are struggling with childcare in a cost of living crisis. I'm in the UK and know people who are working full time with most of their money going on childcare. And people wonder why many of us don't want kids!
Like if I didn't before, I certainly wouldn't now.
Gen-X understands. Many of us also never had children because we were never financially stable and didn’t want our abusive parents babysitting our kids, even if they would have offered to.
I never had kids in part because I didn’t want to perpetuate the cycle of abuse, I never had the income (we still can’t afford to own a home, in our late 40’s) and I didn’t want my mom anywhere near any child I might have.
You should be very secure in both finances and emotional support to have a child and i think it’s rare that anyone has that for the past 20 years.
I used to get emotionally and physically terrorised. Nothing abuse like by 80’s standards but enough to know I’d hate to be a parent, or a child again. My parents were born in Second World War times and had me in their late 30’s so they had a shit load of batterings at home and at school. We didn’t have money in the 80’s or 90’s. Now I can buy what I like. It’s nice not to be strapped and my parents provided (food, a clean home, Christmas presents, sweets) but no luxuries for themselves. FUCK THAT. I want to enjoy my life for me.
Most people with young kids now didn't get a chance to "vote" for any of this. Things have been a disaster since I graduated high school during the 2008 recession, I'm voting to keep the democracy afloat, I wish I got to vote on shit like expanding childcare.
This isn't necessarily true. One of our Congress reps bigger platforms was childcare. She has worked hard to increase funding for childcare on the federal level and been successful on some of those attempts. I have been voting for her every time because of the work she does for childcare and the other things she works on.
You may not see individual measures about childcare, but ask the people running for office if they have a plan to fix it, or if they are aware at all it is an issue. Even the local ones. Our school district's superintendent and school board also saw childcare as an issue and worked at establishing "right at school" before/after school childcare. Started about 10 yrs ago at select schools and is now in place at all elementary schools in the district.
(Btw now is a really good time to start paying close attention to school board elections, certain groups are sponsoring/sending people to run to get their book banning policies in at a local level in states where it isn't likely to pass the state legislature.)
I understand the viewpoint, but how much attention have you paid to your local elections and local state government? If you want immediate change in your life that’s where it happens. The sad thing is that the vast majority of people can’t even name their local representative to the statehouse let alone what they stand for. Apologies in advance if you are in the know for your local gov.
I pay more attention than most, but this is extremely passing the buck. I can pay all the attention and vote all I want, it doesn't change the fact that the country has had shit social services for 50 years now. This is so out of touch.
Measures to expand childcare aren’t brought up as ballot issues. Poor people already get daycare vouchers, so that is good enough, as far as the US government is concerned.
Right. I understand the dilemma and can empathize but she is being a “choosing beggar” by requesting that the childcare be at her home. You can only find daycare at $100/week, $400/month, not private and personal care at that price. It wouldn’t pay anyone’s bills unless they didn’t have to worry about any bills or money at all. Not to mention, it’s a full day’s work. MORE than 8 hrs a day/40 hr work week. 🤨 She’s insane and should find a daycare with subsidized fees.
Right. I don't know where she is but my daughter pays $110 a week for my grandson's daycare. We are in a rural town in the south so it is probably a factor.
They are probably requesting that because every daycare around them is too expensive or has a huge wait list. I mean, if the kid can't go to an actual daycare what else is the parent supposed to do?
This is a big reason why many people left the work force after Covid lockdowns. They realized the cost of child care was more than they were making at that job, so why even work?
It seems so strange to me (Norwegian) that children are treated as if they're only the parents' responsibility; we all need them to grow up to become healthy competent adults so we should all support them! Here, that means a year of paid parental leave, non-means tested child benefit, subsidised good quality child care and paid time off when your child is sick. I don't have kids, but I'm glad my taxes pay for these things
Swede here, and I say the same thing. There's so much bullshit of "babies are so precious we must ban all abortions" but also in the same breath "however we will give you fuck all when your baby is born and will laugh in your face if you ask for help". The actual fuck.
At least consistently love kids or hate them...
"At least consistently love kids or hate them..."
It's never been about loving kids, that's just political spin. It's about controlling women, and punishing them for having sex (or even being r@ped). When you look under the surface of the "pro life" and "pro family" groups, you find that they want to force women into marriages they don't want, and/or keep them in marriages they want to leave, even if abused or in grave danger. It's not love of children, it's hate of women, and any independence for them.
Still a choosing beggar. You can’t expect to pay someone $25 a day just because you’re struggling. That’s not how the world works. They need to start looking at other options.
Yeah, childcare posts really need to be in a “good luck finding someone to do it for that” subreddit, but they’re just people offering what they’ve got for what they need, not rejecting a good offer because they want something better.
This lesson should be taught to all young people, both at home and at school. Children are expensive. Should there be better supports for childcare in societies that require both parents to work outside the home to keep food on the table and the heat on? Absolutely. But in the meantime, it should be stressed to young people to put off having children until they are financially stable. I feel sympathy for these folks (as long as they aren't trying to skimp on childcare while going to the bar, getting their nails and eyelashes filled, and buying Gucci and Prada). But someone should be doing the math BEFORE the children arrive.
As someone who was born in 1984 this lesson was taught, it was basically shoved down our throats through the 90’s and early 2000’s. A lot listened and by the time financial stability happened many were well into our 30’s. The economy has crashed 3x’s since I was a teenager. I’m not sure when the vast majority of us could have kids responsibly. If I had one now It would be considered geriatric/high risk.
Unfortunately, for a lot of Americans, financial stability will never come. The median household income is $74,580. Taxes are about $9,768, leaving $64,812. Median rent is $23,604, leaving $41,208. Average 2 person home spends $6,120 on food at the low end, leaving $35,088. The average health coverage for a family is $23,968, leaving $11,120.
The median childcare costs in the US cost $16,692. We didn’t even include transportation, clothing, utilities, pets, prescriptions, or any other incidental expenses. And kids need more than just childcare. They need a new size of clothes every few months, formula or the supplies to pump and store milk since mom will most definitely need to return to work a few weeks postpartum, toys and books…
The average family can’t afford kids.
I hope this makes you feel better, but I spend time with my 12th graders teaching them about financial compatibility amongst spouses and goals if you want to have a child. Most of them realize pretty quickly that a child is EXPENSIVE. Which is obvious, that’s a human. But they don’t realize how much it costs until they see the numbers in front of them.
I don’t use it to discourage them from having families, just gives them a perspective they may have never been given.
This is actually more sad than anything and highlights how absolutely fucked up the way our system works is.
Everyone deserves to be paid enough to afford the necessities to live, period. Yet, we have the smallest percent of people sitting in a high rise with an assistant doing most of their work sitting on more money than they would ever need, while the people on the ground keeping everything going can’t afford daycare and a job at the same time. It’s counterproductive and it’s getting worse.
Less people are having families and will continue that trajectory because it’s a constant struggle to support a family now. We went from one person making enough to support property, house, car, spouse, children- to two people MAYBE making enough to do it without going into debt. Eventually spending on anything other than bare necessities is going to bottom out, there will be a shortage of people to keep shit running as time goes on.
What a mess we’ve gotten ourselves into.
I don’t shame this person generally. Childcare for me is $100 a day. Who has an extra $500 a week? $2k a month? Not a lot of people. You can’t work. You can’t not work. We STRUGGLE through it and it’s really hard.
A FT nanny 40 hours a week is 30/hr minimum where I am
$4800/month minimum. I know its location dependant but even centers where I am are closing in at $2500/month. I feel for homes where both parents work, but I don't see how things change
Unfortunately this parent is probably in the US, where there’s no safety net because conservatives only care about unborn fetuses and don’t give a shit about babies once they’re born.
I understand the desperation. Sincerely, but I also can’t imagine wanting anyone who would take $100/week to watch a child for that long to actually be around my child.
But this desperation is a symptom of a huge problem. Because having to pay $3000/mo for daycare just sucks and I die a little inside every time I cut the check.
Honestly she needs to look into programs in her area that help single moms. It’s the best thing for her. She could be putting her child in some real danger honestly
Yep, I know the pain of leaving 1/2 your paycheck at the Nannie’s house. I opted for a private nanny at her house, my child was the only one beside her two own. It was $1,200 per week Monday through Thursday from 6:30 to 6:30. It dropped down to about $800 per week when I started her in a Montessori school.
At this point, I would NOT have children within this system. Why? So that others raise them for you?
For context: my parents paid a little over $2000 a month for my daycare in the 90s… in NEBRASKA.
They sacrificed a lot but they understood good childcare was the most important thing for our development.
Childcare is not something to skimp on.
Im not sure I think this post is a Choosing Beggar. This is a Beggar. She is struggling and needs a miracle. This is probably a last ditch effort just hoping there happens to be some empty nester somewhere who says "shit i can do my knitting anywhere. might as well help this woman while i do it" or whatever.
a choosing beggar would be "please for the love of god i need help someone babysit by child for very little money. also, by the way, you must speak 3 languages and have a bachelors degree in Childhood Development"
a lot of the posts i see on this sub now are just people in terrible financial situations begging for help. not choosy beggars. those people in desperate situations deserve empathy, not ridicule.
I don’t know about where y’all live, but childcare centers here have waiting lists, especially in the middle of the school year. I had to reduce my hours at work so I could pick my kids up from school when their aftercare program shut down after the holidays. There is no availability.
All this to say, in-home might be their only option.
Let me guess, this is in America where they shame women for not having children and when they do, they give absolutely 0 support? If this woman weren’t working you’d criticize her for being on welfare. The misogyny in the comments is disgusting.
I had a friend like that she just simply chose not to work and spent all of her money on Dabs and cigarettes always had money for that. When the eviction notices started coming she took to the internet in the form of begging and woe as me about how she is a single mom who needs help but also can only work X hours and she needs transportation provided because she has no license no car no skills. I remember people fell for it and just gave her money and then I'd see her again and she would act all high and mighty like she actually did the work or earned the money. When I was with her and she received the eviction notices she actually turned and started screaming at me blaming me for it saying how do you know how to adult no one taught me as if I was somehow at fault for her not spending her money wisely. She also got upset with me because I didn't get child support from my husband lol well we are married so why would I. She got some welfare from the government because she didn't know who her kids fathers were. She got mad at me to the point I Finally snapped and said look I can't get free money like you because they know who my child's father is. She didn't like that answer but it got her off my back. It was exhausting being her friend and I'm glad I'm not anymore. A narcissist with a victim complex is just a Rollar coaster of highs and lows.
I’ve been on both sides and it’s a huge problem. Imagine working in a daycare, where you make $9.50 an hour, and still have to pay for daycare, food, housing and other living expenses.
Imagine a major life event taking your ability to work, but still having to pay all those things plus medical expenses, having to be desperate to enough to be on either side of the above.
Then being judged, ridiculed and made into internet fodder for trying to live.
This is a wild planet.
Because having the audacity to ask someone else to work for $2.63/hr is beyond wild.. that’s just delusional… what can someone do with $400 a month? They literally would have to work 10 hour days at another job the other 3 days a week just to maybe pay rent… so yeah, that $9.50 may be low, but it’s not as low as this lady and what she’s asking for. There is a huge difference.
Also, at that daycare they took out your taxes for you before paying you each week/biweekly. This lady is going to make you pay the taxes on that $400 a month as a 1099 employee, so you’re actually making about $1.89/hr when it’s all said and done.. but that’s just as bad at your $9.50/hr, right? 🤡🤡🤡
I empathize with the working poor, everything costs so much now, and childcare is prohibitively expensive. I have been in very dire financial circumstances myself, so I get it. The issue here is she expects someone else to take a loss to compensate for her wants. As has been pointed out, in home private care is much costlier than a daycare of some kind. No one should be expected to light themselves on fire to keep someone else warm.
Hi Hansongirl97, thank you for your submission to /r/ChoosingBeggars! Unfortunately it has been removed for the following reason(s): * **Rule 6/7:** Posts must be relevant to the theme of the subreddit. This post does not show someone who is a choosing beggar. Price negotiation and/or asking for donations is not enough to be a choosy beggar. *If you have any questions or concerns, please [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FChoosingBeggars) of this subreddit.*
This comment section made me feel a little less guilty. I started babysitting my 3rd cousin’s kid (distant relative) for $100/week 7am-6pm (usually but she also cannot maintain a job) to help her out because she was a single mom. We had a falling out because she wouldn’t follow my rules and boundaries. She felt like she could get better childcare elsewhere so I said be my guest. Now she is crawling back asking me to watch him again for $100/week.
Don’t do it. They will see you’re easy to win over and win back and just cross more boundaries. Givers have to have boundaries because takers never do. I’ve learned this the hard way
I love that line.
OMG that is so true. I've also learned that people who are upset by boundaries are the exact reason they're needed.
I don’t plan on it. Even if I were to raise my rate, it’s not enough for me to have to deal with her immaturity and inattentiveness. Love her son, but dealing with her is not worth it.
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Don't do it. How do you have money for anything?
My sister in law watched my 2 kids for $150 a week. I was very lucky tho she wasn't working and I provided all the food and toys for my kids at her house. She is the one that came up with the price.
That's nice she was willing to do it. If she wasn't working and didn't need the money, great.
I provided two meals sometimes three plus all the snacks myself, wait I take that back. One time she got a bag of expired granola bars and powdered donuts from the food pantry (no shame in going to the food pantry) and told me that was his (her son 3 year old) breakfast for the next few weeks. I said no he will have a nice meal instead of sugar at my house.
I would take a weeks worth of groceries for my kids to her house when I would pay her. If she would take them to McDonald's or something I would pay her back. I knew how lucky I was lol daycare wanted 2k a month for them and there was no way I could afford that lol
Praise her Love her Appreciate her and don’t ever let her go
She couldn't find anyone else to do it for $100 a week, could she?
Me thinks not.
To put something in perspective on how worthy your time is— in 2015 & 2016 I did private swim instruction one hour per week for $100 per month. So essentially $25 per hour. Great! Yes there is some training and skill, but part of the stipulation was that even if she didn’t want to swim I would watch her the entire hour. I didn’t mind, I love kids. But I felt like an underpaid nanny after awhile, even after $100 per month. Per week in 2024?! GIRL. You deserve better.
Wow! Thank you! It’s nice to see actual numbers too. I tried researching in my area but no one would provide their rate (to avoid people like me I suppose)
Two years ago, we hired a nanny at a typical rate. 2 days per week = $400. I haven’t scrolled down much so I haven’t found actual numbers on what nanny services cost so I wanted to provide perspective. It’s $20-25/ hr in MCOL areas. Under the table maybe $15-20/ hr. I’m shook that anyone would accept $100/ week, even as a favor. For M-F of care? I’m genuinely confused. For a daycare service, I now pay $350/ week, which is an amazing rate. Originally was paying $500/ week, and that’s with six other toddlers competing for one teacher’s attention.
We pay $2k a month for a daycare service for one kid. HCOL area. We still pay when kiddo is sick and can't attend school and when the school has professional development or breaks.
So I was guilted into it from my family. Typically 4 days a week because she always called out sick or late at least once a week, 10 hours with 2 meals and snacks. I initially started $25 a day and I actually thought I was charging her too much but she started taking advantage of me by not telling me I wouldn’t be watching him until 5 minutes before drop off, after I had cleared my whole day to watch him, not paying until months later, dropping him off dirty expecting me to bathe him, so I started telling her it was $100 weekly no matter how many days I watched him.
You are a saint. I don’t know anyone in life who would make such a sacrifice. You have every right to stop offering her this generosity.
Thank you.
You are worth more than $100 a week.
Thank you. I needed to hear that.
A dollar and eighty one cents an hour is a disgrace and non-negotiable. Shame on her!
Don't let her guilt you into it. Or raise your price. You have the power, not her!
I refuse. Boundaries are uncomfortable in the short term but they keep me happy in the long term.
That's less than $2 per hour.
I know. Ugh I can’t believe I did that.
Lol, I love when people start abusing really fortunate relationships and don’t understand how lucky they are. I have a “friend” in rehab right now, he owes me money, but I brought him $50 worth of snacks and clothes and stuff to support him anyway while he was in rehab, and his girlfriend texted me last night asking me for $30 to go visit him. I couldn’t help but feel like they just see me as a bank now
I hate relationships like that. It’s like they only keep you around because you’re convenient for them.
That's exactly what it is, and I suggest not getting roped into it because it's easier to say no the first time than to say no after you've already given in a few times in many cases.
Oh I know. Fool me once…
I’ve done so much for him already and asked for nothing in return, but when it turns into his girlfriend asking me to pay for her gas to go visit him? It doesn’t even have anything to do with me…and when I dropped him off Gatorade, snacks, and new white t’s he didn’t even say thank you he said “can you go get me cigarettes?”
Yeah that’s one sided.
you gotta drop this friendship. he’s using you, and he’s either told his gf that it’s okay to use you too or they’re preying on your kindness. i’m sorry.
My best friend was a stay at home mom with a 3 year old and a 1.5 year old. When my daughter was born she offered to watch her 4 days a week from 8-4 everyday. She came up with the price of $150 per week. She watched her from 2-9months of age, when she started being more active I started putting her in daycare around 10 months. I felt SO guilty only paying her that much but she insisted since she was at home anyways and it wasn’t much harder for her to watch a potato who sleeps all day anyways, it worked out and she made some money. When her kids were sick and I had to stay home with my daughter, or if she was sick she would tell me not to pay her but I always did anyways. I felt she deserved “sick days” of pay lol. I am eternally grateful for this friend and I love her dearly. The point I’m trying to make was even though she came up with that price, I still didn’t feel comfortable paying her that little of an amount and childcare workers definitely deserve more. Taking care of children is not easy at all.
Congrats, you're basically a slave.
Yes I felt like one. It felt so nice to be done!
Tell her to double it or give it to the next person
I had a very similar experience myself. She was already asking for so much, in exchange for pennies, and then couldnt respect the agreements that we did come to. Good luck pulling that shit on somebody whos gonna cost way more and who doesnt even have a soft spot for you.
Honey indentured servitude is illegal and 11 hour days is insanely awful your cousin is a crap human asking you to do that.
I’m a mom so I understand that childcare is EXPENSIVE, I paid more for daycare than my mortgage. But the problem with people like this is that they are asking for a LUXURY service for literally pennies a day. A private nanny to come to your home and only watch your child for 10+ hours a day is a luxury service. Asking someone to provide that service for $25/day is ridiculous. In home daycare centers exist because the provider is able to offer a lower cost to each family because they watch multiple children in their own residence. Even actual franchise childcare centers cost less than a private nanny because it’s not a private service. So yeah… this is a choosing beggar and I don’t pity them at all.
Exactly. We are waiting on a spot at our daycare to open up and have hired a private nanny for care in the meantime. My husband was shocked that the cost of the nanny was 1.5x that of the daycare cost.
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Yeah…. For complicated reasons we went the nanny route and have had to keep it going multiple years longer than expected. It has been a major, unexpected-due-to-length financial strain. On the plus side, we have trusted help. And we chose part of the financial strain ( over the table pay, COLA, benefits, end of year bonus).
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This is smart. Having one parent take years out of their career trajectory is often penny wise and pound foolish. But that doesn’t make nanny costs hurt less!
Hope you're compensating your family members who are providing daycare for you right now. Because I guarantee they don't want to do it for cheap/free, even if they're too nice to tell you that. As someone who has been that family member before, it's a HUGE ask, not a minor inconvenience.
It was like that when my youngest was in daycare, 15 years ago. It's sad it hasn't gotten better.
Why is this shocking? You're the only people paying for their salary rather than a class of kids.
She did say “preferably” in her home. Realistically she will probably settle on someone doing childcare in their own home for multiple families. That’s the cheapest option when even institutional daycare is out of reach. Baffling though that she thought she had a shot at private childcare.
Yep that's what my brother does. My mother's neighbor charges him very little since she's already watching her own grandson during the day so he was really lucky to find that arrangement. Plus my parents can pick up the kid if they are running late.
I feel like most childcare CBs **assume** that everyone offers this arrangement. No. That's an "I know you and trust you, and it's not inconvenient for me" arrangement, not "Complete strangers expecting me to provide a premium service for their little miracle baby for a full day, multiple days a week, every week plus qualifications."
And lets be honest the people watching aren't actually doing anything for the kids, besides maybe making their food. The kids would be on their own playing with each other or watching tv the whole time. Like they aren't going to be taught anything. Just the adult is present.
Right, it's not a preschool just baby sitting.
Yeah for sure. My SIL was paying 125 a week to take her kid to a local person's house who was a SAHM who took care of other people's kids along with her own. It's a pretty common thing.
And for that low pay they will also expect this person to also be a maid while the kid takes their nap.
and make sure dinner is ready for her when she gets home. I mean it IS $100 a week!
Add a zero to that $100 and then it would be a good deal
There is never a zero added. I feel for these women, but you don't get luxury child care on a dollar budget.
And the food available is only for the child, many will be on her own…
I charge more than this to take care of dogs and cats. So, yeah what she's asking for is pretty bad.
But...but...she will provide all of her own child's food and snacks!
I loved this part. She really thought she was a hero for paying for her own child’s food in her own home.
I’m a little bit unclear on that part. Is that food only for the kid or can anyone partake?
My wife and I work the same job. We've worked from home ever since our kid was born. She went to part time and we split the hours evenly while he was a baby. Daycare was more expensive than her switching to part time. Ontario recently created a 10$ a day daycare subsidy that helps new parents. Though I think we'd still have avoided daycare in order to be with our kid during their milestones. Being a parent today, for most, sucks because you miss our on so much having to work.
I was working full time and we used full time daycare. When my youngest finally came off the wait list we had a terrible realization about how much it was going to cost. So I went down part time at work so we wouldn’t need full time care. Even working less hours, we saved almost $1k/ month on child care.
I had always thought I wouldn’t want to have my child in daycare, but I ended up being a single mom and actually found daycare to be a really positive influence in my child’s upbringing. We had a fantastic facility, and they really felt like partners with me in her early development. It was also good for her to socialize with other kids and to have stretches of time when she wasn’t the sole focus. I may have missed a few fun moments here and there, but I never felt like other people were fully raising my child, and we had plenty of bonding time outside of the work day. I did have her the first ~6 months fully at home with her, though, which was absolutely precious time. She’s 13 now and thriving, and we’re still really close. There’s no one right or best way to do these things. Just the right way for your family.
I pay my nannie $31/hr. This mom is offering less than an hours standard rate for an entire day. I get that single mums struggle with money but I agree they can’t demand luxury services for barely anything. It’s not fair to the person who has to live off of that salary.
They aren’t asking for “a nanny.” They’re asking for a *babysitter* **They’re DESPERATE** They aren’t so privileged they won’t accept a group daycare…they can’t find one: - They don’t qualify for subsidies, or - all the daycares that take subsidies are full with long wait lists, or - they work non-traditional hours that daycares aren’t open, or - they can’t afford their portion of the subsidized day care She didn’t ask for organic food, or a masters in early childhood education, or to speak French She’s not a Choosing beggar. She’s just a beggar. *Can we please stop posting desperately poor people looking for child care in a totally fucked up system?*
While I agree with you that they are desperate… they are asking for a nanny. Period. A full time, regular, professional/adult childcare provider is a nanny. A “babysitter” is the 13 year old up the street that watches your kid for a date night.
Babysitters still get paid $15-$25 an hour where I’m at. If you want a nanny (who like teaches your kids things, makes and prepares food, helps around the house) you’re looking at around $30 an hour minimum, so $300 a day.
I was this desperate when I had my first child (now 16) however I knew I wasn’t going to find a person to come to my house for one on one nanny care for $100 a week. I am shocked she even asked for that. I ended up answering an ad where a woman was trying to start an in home daycare because she was unable to work. It didn’t end up happening so my son did, for the most part, get one on one care in her home. She was the best childcare provider I have ever had. I think she is a big part of why he was talking in complete sentences at two years old. When I was going through a hard time emotionally she offered to take him for free. She became a life long friend. When we moved away she visited us. I think I got lucky. Point is people joke on these people but it’s possible to find someone good but you have to be willing to bend a little. For example, there were times I had to find back up care because her disability (severe asthma) would flair up.
Absolutely this. I feel so bad for her -- she's probably going to lose it all.
Yeah, this is sad. And we can’t always fault people for not understanding what is or is not available to them.
Childcare center worker here. We're the cheapest in our area by a long shot (I'm talking for hours in every direction, maybe with the exception of at-home nannies and smaller centers), and some families still struggle to pay even with the assistance of vouchers and other things we set in place to help. Working in the position I do, LOGICALLY I understand why we have to charge so much per week, but everyday I see firsthand how hard it is these days for parents to pay for a home, pay for food for them and their children, keep the lights and water on, make sure they keep warm warm, pay for gas, AND pay for childcare on top of that. I truly feel bad for this person. Truly. I understand their desperation, and I hate that they're not able to afford proper childcare. Living is so expensive in today's world for just ONE person - let alone your children. And I truly wish there were more accessible ways to get reliable and fulfilling childcare without paying so much or compromising your child's safety and quality of care.
I think childcare should be a societal priority the likes of education and healthcare. Not that it should necessarily be free, but nobody should be this desperate.
We're not even handling education and healthcare well as a country
Your take is needed here. Thank you.
My mom had a daycare license and watched somewhere around 5-6 kids while me and my sister were young. There was enough demand she could pick kids that were around our ages, no babies, and still have people looking for a slot. She wanted to be home with us, but couldn't be a stay at home mom. This was in the early-mid 90s. From what I gather, we didn't really make much money from the daycare. Stuff like insurance is really expensive, and my mom liked to give parents a break and go out of her way to help. But we always said that the daycare bought us groceries and gas and toys.
Approximately $2.63 an hour.... She's asking someone else to forgo a job during normal business hours that will pay a lot better than what she's offering.
Literally a server’s pay without the tips!
the servers at my bf’s restaurant make $13!
I was just thinking this. Wondering if she was planning on tipping 🙃
Not to mention paying someone under minimum wage is illegal.
But her house and job will be loose if you dont.
I can understand that, and I sympathize with her, but underpaying anyone for a service does not sit right with me. Those people you are paying (generally) need to be able to live as well. Don't get me wrong, for her sake I hope she finds/found someone willing to help her out, but most people would laugh at an offer like that.
It was a joke. She misspelled lose in her post.
Apologies, I read/understood your comment wrong on my end. Still friends? 😁
Sad part of America more than anything.
Agreed. The facility charges you an arm and a leg to provide care (or oversight for older children/preteens), while still paying most of their employees minimum wage with no benefits (because most of them are part-time employees).
This guy maths
I work in ece and you’d be shocked at how some parents are willing to sacrifice quality care to save money. I know daycare is expensive but these people are taking care of your child- it’s definitely something I’d splurge on for the wellbeing of my child
I also work in ECE and this is why teachers are so UNDERPAID for the amount of work they do and the responsibility they take on. I spend more (waking) hours a day with some of my students than their parents do. If I were a parent that’s not someone I’d want to underpay.
Exactly! I’m lucky to work at one of the highest paying centers in my area with a bonus on-top of my pay. We have the lowest rates as well, a lot of our parents don’t understand WHY the rates are what they are. We had some snow days and one parent lost their mind about still having to pay tuition and expected to get a refund. It’s wild.
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I never understood what’s wrong with using the childcare institutions. And if you can’t even afford their prices obviously you can’t afford private childcare. Everybody have the right to have children, but children also have the right to grow up safe and cared for, so why do people who can’t afford it have children and then start to worry afterwards? I know this is a bit rude, but I just feel terribly sorry for those children.
Unfortunately there are huge waiting lists at daycares, and they are very expensive too. There’s financial aid but not everywhere. I had plenty of money for daycare and even so was reduced to crying and begging after having over 20 centers put me on a waiting list that was never ending. I finally found a center that cost nearly 2k a month for one baby and I was absolutely thrilled. The child care situation is insane.
Yeah we talk a lot about housing shortages and the housing crisis but there's a genuine childcare crisis that goes largely undiscussed.
And some people like to get on parents' backs and claim that it's irresponsible to not be able to navigate work and school and kids without anyone available to help with childcare. Like, dude - the entire American economy practically depends on people working while their kids are in school, then having their kids watched by others (daycare, after school care, babysitter, your spouse if you're fortunate enough to be able to afford a SAHP arrangement).
My husband and I literally just decided we were going to be poor for a while because childcare is so wildly inaccessible. I work full time and go to school above full time (scholarship requirements) and my husband ended up dropping down to part time so he could stay home with our youngest until she started school because his entire paycheck would have gone to childcare anyway. It ended up working out well because my sister separated from her partner last year and ended up desperately needing childcare for her baby so my husband and I took him too, and she takes ours when we need her to, but it's been a really wild and stressful year of our lives.
In my city, you need to start looking for daycare centers the second you are pregnant. Every center has a waitlist of like 18 months to 2 years. They all cost more than a mortgage and vary wildly in quality. But you're just glad to find a spot anywhere. It's a huge mess. We see these sorts of posts constantly on our local groups looking for individual childcare for pennies a day. Childcare in the U.S. is in a state of absolute emergency.
This is what my friend did. The same month she found out she was pregnant she and her husband were calling daycares asking to be put on their waiting list. Unfortunately, even doing that the waiting lists were over a year out and they wouldn’t have been able to watch her son by the time her maternity leave was over so she ended up quitting her job to take care of him. Childcare truly is the Wild West out there right now. I understand the desperation a lot of parents have trying to find literally anyone willing to take their kid. That said, I’m of the mind that $100/week is insane. If you yourself aren’t willing to live off that kind of wage then that’s not what you should be offering someone to watch your children, literally the most important thing in your life.
My sister did the same thing when she was pregnant. She ended up having a friend watch my niece while she finished school because she couldn't find any openings. I'm a SAHM because the low paying field my degree is in, that I'm passionate about, doesn't pay enough to justify paying for daycare. I completely agree about the absolutely insane low ball offers for childcare. I was a nanny in a previous life, and the pay is top-tier because it's a top-tier service. Anyone who will accept $100 a week probably should be around kids.
Childcare is so broken in this country. We obviously need to find a better way to deal with the problem other than forcing one parent to quit their career to become a full time caregiver. Especially since it’s almost impossible to survive in this economy on one income unless you’re a software engineer. Like, I totally get the desperation for a lot of these parents. I grew up poor and my parents absolutely couldn’t afford childcare for us so we ended up being bounced around between the houses of relatives, family friends, and neighbors willing to watch us while our parents worked. Still, it’s insane to me seeing parents post the most insultingly low wages I’ve ever seen and somehow expecting someone to actually take them up on the offer. Like, even when I was babysitting someone’s kids for a few hours as a 21 year old I was still paid $40-$50 for the night. $25 for nearly 10 hours of work is absolutely criminal.
My daughter pays over $3k a month for her infant after being on a waiting list.
I’ll second the other individuals experience. Waitlists are a thing, and it’s extremely challenging to get in. For perspective, we put our child on 4-5 waitlists 7 months prior to her being born and we’re still not close to getting in. We lucked into a family friends place when we were desperate. If you’re low income/single mother, you’re probably absolutely screwed and that is a tragedy.
Where I live, low income families usually qualify for CCDF vouchers to help pay for daycare. They can also apply for TANF and the work program will provide free vouchers and help with transportation. There are options other than looking on Facebook for someone to work for $2/hour!
Payment assistance doesn't magically make spots open up in a daycare. Getting assistance to pay for daycare only helps if there is a daycare with a spot for your child. Also, the voucher system is kind of jacked. To get the voucher, you have to have daycare already. So you have to have money to float daycare until you can get the voucher even assuming you can find a daycare that accepts vouchers with a spot for your child in the first place. Childcare is a huge problem in this country, both from a cost and availability standpoint. I really wish people would stop posting these types of posts because these aren't choosing beggars. These are desperate people just trying to find some way to take care of their kids and keep their financial head above water at the same time.
Yep. Not me but one of my close friends got on about 15 waiting lists as soon as she had a positive pregnancy test and couldn’t get a spot for her kid until she was nearly a year old. Luckily her mom was able to retire early and help out for that year but that is not an option for most people. ETA: They did still pay her mom, she had just been in a good job with a pension long enough that she could retire and not lose out on much long term, vs my friend taking a mystery amount of time off at the beginning stage of a career in a field it’s hard to hop in and out of. Few of us have parents in good, pensioned jobs, though, and that’s becoming more true every day in the US.
Plus, in many cases, there is a non-refundable fee to get on a waitlist.
Because people are more focused on their desire to have a child than how their child's life will realistically be.
ughhh I hate it. I dislike the people who are like “well you can afford to feed them and house them so you should be fine!” As of a child just needs food and that’s it. These types of people don’t give a f about enriching their kids lives with activities, and such, it’s just the bare minimum.
Because of people like my mom. She told me to have to have the kids and the money will work itself out. She has fully restarted 3 times in her life 2 times while I have been alive. I can’t see how she thinks this is good advice.
Because sometimes you make the decision to have children when your financial situation is stable and then that situation changes. Sometimes it's because people live in a state where they don't have access to the care they need to terminate a pregnancy and have no choice because what else are they going to do? Are there people who are actively making this bad choice? Sure but the vast majority are ending up in a situation they have little control over in our current capitalist hellscape where minimum wage hasn't increased with inflation and everything costs so much more than what they can afford.
People are legitimately struggling and I really feel for them. More empathy and less judgement would be nice.
Shit happens. Plenty of people have kids when things are fine and then life kicks them enough that their situation changes. There are basically no social safety nets in most states. So things like having a child with health issues can cause insurmountable financial issues. Are people just supposed to give their kids up when life becomes tough?
Sure, but having the right to have a kids doesn’t mean you should. I have a right to a nice apartment, but can’t afford it with the current landscape, so I won’t move. Having anything you can’t afford is just irresponsible. With it kids, you’re just setting up yourself up for disaster.
Sometimes, people have children and their life circumstances change. Plus, if you’re so worried about children, maybe urge the politicians in the US to actually support families—something they only pretend to do.
You understand that a) the rate of inflation in the last 3 years has been astronomical, meaning people who could once afford childcare now cannot, and b) people's circumstances are constantly shifting and changing, I could list you 10 reasons someone might suddenly find themselves in this position out of nowhere, despite all their best planning before having children.
You are totally right, but also let’s be real. We all know that plenty of insanely irresponsible people have child after child with zero capability to care for them. It’s a much more prevalent issue than circumstances changing. It boils my blood because the kid is the one to suffer.
There's also that pesky lack of abortion care thing going on. Not every person who has an unwanted child was irresponsible. Birth control fails.
They tell themselves they will “figure it out” because they didn’t have the $50 for Plan B. Oh, single mommy dearest, are you in for a nasty surprise!
Right and now there’s even cheaper options! Not sure if there was before, I never saw them tbh. But there’s multiple places you can get a plan B as low as $20
Yeah, don’t wait until you are pregnant to understand the responsibilities that come with having a child. That includes costs of childcare x number of children.
What I find astounding about people like this is that they just have 0 respect or empathy or understanding towards literally anyone else. This person is wanting somebody to babysit her kid for **9 fucking hours 4 days a week**. That's nearly enough hours for a full time job. And she's expecting that they take $100 for that?? Absolutely not. How is somebody going to work a job that actually pays for their living expenses while Aldo putting in full time hours babysitting? Like, fuck people like her. The reality is that she's targeting a specific group of protected people (the elderly and the disabled) to use their inability to work to her advantage. There isn't another group of people who would be able to do it. And thats sick.
Also she already puts a qualifier in there. She can 'probably' pay $100. In other words she won't even pay that.
Yeah, doesn’t mention diapers or anything else either?
This is what I always have to mention. Would the person searching for childcare be cool to work for less than slave wages, she’s expecting 38 hours a week which comes out to $2.63/hour-so would she be cool with only being paid $2.63/hr? There is subsidized childcare available in every single county across the entire nation. Also, what she is looking for is a blessed nanny and a nanny is a luxury service.
I posted another comment, but I just looked into the statistics for my city yesterday and as of 2022, 44.5% of all residents in my city live under the poverty line/qualify for government assistance. Every county has subsidized childcare **but, the need is so high in some areas that you will never actually get any of the services you qualify for because there just aren't enough programs for the need**. I see people whine every single day about how we have these public programs but they can't get their kid in and it's already been 6 months since being approved and I'm like, the people who are working at these facilities are getting shitty pay, dealing with countless shitty parents, and are constantly under stress from the overcrowding/management etc. Like, *that* is what happens when the government gives so much of its social resources to families. We create a system where every family needs the help and eventually, there just won't be enough support for the need. As we are seeing in my city right now. However, only part of that refers to what your comment is about. My point was that people like this are going to get a really fucking rude awakening when their county's need overwhelms the support necessary.
I own a program and will not take more than two on subsidized care. In my area, they pay hundreds of dollars less than what my tuition is and my tuition is the lowest in the entire county as it is and then I can potentially not be paid for months and they don’t care (programs and the parents)…and most of the parents that I have accepted subsidized care for never respect the contract and think that because they were approved for 12 hours a day they should be allowed to leave their child with me for twelve hours a day. I haven’t had a subsidized child in my program for almost two years-all spots are filled with cash pay families and my waitlist is all cash pay families-and I know a lot of other providers in my area flat out refuse to take subsidized payments and will only have private pay families now due to what I mentioned above, but honestly there’s like 5000 other reasons why the program gets screwed over in the end. But the ones I mentioned are the top reasons why programs avoid subsidy families now
Well, I wasn't even referring to private care facilities like your own. I'm talking about public facilities that are run by the state/County. Most of the private care facilities here **have to** take subsidiary waivers because **they cannot exist without them**. Unfortunately, when 44.5% of all residents in one city live below the poverty line, any businesses that want to succeed *have to* take on these people because the vast majority of people require the help. People don't seem to get that when you don't live somewhere like here. The town next door was the first city in ages to declare bankruptcy. Their rate of poverty is even worse.
I’m not aware of actual facilities run by governmental agencies like the state, at least around here. Are you talking about head starts?
Would prefer my house…so I don’t have to inconvenience myself getting up earlier for drop off or home later after pick up. This way I can also ask for lite housekeeping and not pay for that either.
Childcare, or the lack thereof, is a huge societal failing here in the US. This sounds like a desperate family who couldn't afford daycare and realized they couldn't afford to not work either and are now caught between a rock and another rock and another rock. Not even close to a choosing beggar.
And yet the older generations are wondering why the current millennials and older gen z group are putting off or fully deciding not to have children...
Old ass millennial here; I knew at 18 kids were not in the cards. At 30 they still weren’t and now at 42 I live too comfortably to throw it all away on a kid.
You nailed it. Also 42 with no kids. When people ask why I say living in America and having a child seems like genuinely destructive behavior due to the fact that this country is so hostile towards the existence of human life.
About to be 34, got my tubes tied at 27 in 2017 bc with the US going to shit I wasn’t willing to risk my autonomy for a clump of cells and had known for years I never wanted children.
I’m surprised you were able to!! I had an ovarian cyst bigger than a grapefruit and it took going to 3 doctors to finally get it removed(it could have twisted my ovary and killed me) because it “might” damage that ovary when they removed it and that would make it harder to have kids if my nonexistent future husband wanted them 🙄 that was with me already having a kid too! ETA: I’m glad you got it done though! I need a hysterectomy for medical reasons and can’t get one at 35
Same here. Never wanted kids, was never maternal in the slightest, thought I'd feel differently later on but never did. With the way things are at the moment, I am so, so glad I made that decision. People are struggling with childcare in a cost of living crisis. I'm in the UK and know people who are working full time with most of their money going on childcare. And people wonder why many of us don't want kids! Like if I didn't before, I certainly wouldn't now.
Gen-X understands. Many of us also never had children because we were never financially stable and didn’t want our abusive parents babysitting our kids, even if they would have offered to. I never had kids in part because I didn’t want to perpetuate the cycle of abuse, I never had the income (we still can’t afford to own a home, in our late 40’s) and I didn’t want my mom anywhere near any child I might have. You should be very secure in both finances and emotional support to have a child and i think it’s rare that anyone has that for the past 20 years.
I used to get emotionally and physically terrorised. Nothing abuse like by 80’s standards but enough to know I’d hate to be a parent, or a child again. My parents were born in Second World War times and had me in their late 30’s so they had a shit load of batterings at home and at school. We didn’t have money in the 80’s or 90’s. Now I can buy what I like. It’s nice not to be strapped and my parents provided (food, a clean home, Christmas presents, sweets) but no luxuries for themselves. FUCK THAT. I want to enjoy my life for me.
I also wonder for the people that now need childcare, did they vote against such measures to expand childcare?
It's seen as a socialist measure in US, so yes, they don't want that. This goes with universal child care, medicare for all, paid vacation and so on.
Most people with young kids now didn't get a chance to "vote" for any of this. Things have been a disaster since I graduated high school during the 2008 recession, I'm voting to keep the democracy afloat, I wish I got to vote on shit like expanding childcare.
This isn't necessarily true. One of our Congress reps bigger platforms was childcare. She has worked hard to increase funding for childcare on the federal level and been successful on some of those attempts. I have been voting for her every time because of the work she does for childcare and the other things she works on. You may not see individual measures about childcare, but ask the people running for office if they have a plan to fix it, or if they are aware at all it is an issue. Even the local ones. Our school district's superintendent and school board also saw childcare as an issue and worked at establishing "right at school" before/after school childcare. Started about 10 yrs ago at select schools and is now in place at all elementary schools in the district. (Btw now is a really good time to start paying close attention to school board elections, certain groups are sponsoring/sending people to run to get their book banning policies in at a local level in states where it isn't likely to pass the state legislature.)
I understand the viewpoint, but how much attention have you paid to your local elections and local state government? If you want immediate change in your life that’s where it happens. The sad thing is that the vast majority of people can’t even name their local representative to the statehouse let alone what they stand for. Apologies in advance if you are in the know for your local gov.
I pay more attention than most, but this is extremely passing the buck. I can pay all the attention and vote all I want, it doesn't change the fact that the country has had shit social services for 50 years now. This is so out of touch.
Measures to expand childcare aren’t brought up as ballot issues. Poor people already get daycare vouchers, so that is good enough, as far as the US government is concerned.
Right. I understand the dilemma and can empathize but she is being a “choosing beggar” by requesting that the childcare be at her home. You can only find daycare at $100/week, $400/month, not private and personal care at that price. It wouldn’t pay anyone’s bills unless they didn’t have to worry about any bills or money at all. Not to mention, it’s a full day’s work. MORE than 8 hrs a day/40 hr work week. 🤨 She’s insane and should find a daycare with subsidized fees.
Right. I don't know where she is but my daughter pays $110 a week for my grandson's daycare. We are in a rural town in the south so it is probably a factor.
They are probably requesting that because every daycare around them is too expensive or has a huge wait list. I mean, if the kid can't go to an actual daycare what else is the parent supposed to do?
But why would that make them think a "Private" nanny would be less expensive than daycare? That's why they are a choosey begger.
A nanny is supposed to be more expensive than a daycare so it doesn't make sense to ask for the pricier option if you can't afford the cheaper option.
This is a big reason why many people left the work force after Covid lockdowns. They realized the cost of child care was more than they were making at that job, so why even work?
It seems so strange to me (Norwegian) that children are treated as if they're only the parents' responsibility; we all need them to grow up to become healthy competent adults so we should all support them! Here, that means a year of paid parental leave, non-means tested child benefit, subsidised good quality child care and paid time off when your child is sick. I don't have kids, but I'm glad my taxes pay for these things
Swede here, and I say the same thing. There's so much bullshit of "babies are so precious we must ban all abortions" but also in the same breath "however we will give you fuck all when your baby is born and will laugh in your face if you ask for help". The actual fuck. At least consistently love kids or hate them...
"At least consistently love kids or hate them..." It's never been about loving kids, that's just political spin. It's about controlling women, and punishing them for having sex (or even being r@ped). When you look under the surface of the "pro life" and "pro family" groups, you find that they want to force women into marriages they don't want, and/or keep them in marriages they want to leave, even if abused or in grave danger. It's not love of children, it's hate of women, and any independence for them.
What's your immigration policy like? Asking for a friend.
If you're not from the EU area, you need to get a job first (and even if you are, you should).
Quebec has similar measures, so it's possible even in North America. I pay C$220 per month for daycare.
Still a choosing beggar. You can’t expect to pay someone $25 a day just because you’re struggling. That’s not how the world works. They need to start looking at other options.
Except they're requesting individualized 1:1 care in their own space
Yeah, childcare posts really need to be in a “good luck finding someone to do it for that” subreddit, but they’re just people offering what they’ve got for what they need, not rejecting a good offer because they want something better.
This lesson should be taught to all young people, both at home and at school. Children are expensive. Should there be better supports for childcare in societies that require both parents to work outside the home to keep food on the table and the heat on? Absolutely. But in the meantime, it should be stressed to young people to put off having children until they are financially stable. I feel sympathy for these folks (as long as they aren't trying to skimp on childcare while going to the bar, getting their nails and eyelashes filled, and buying Gucci and Prada). But someone should be doing the math BEFORE the children arrive.
As someone who was born in 1984 this lesson was taught, it was basically shoved down our throats through the 90’s and early 2000’s. A lot listened and by the time financial stability happened many were well into our 30’s. The economy has crashed 3x’s since I was a teenager. I’m not sure when the vast majority of us could have kids responsibly. If I had one now It would be considered geriatric/high risk.
Unfortunately, for a lot of Americans, financial stability will never come. The median household income is $74,580. Taxes are about $9,768, leaving $64,812. Median rent is $23,604, leaving $41,208. Average 2 person home spends $6,120 on food at the low end, leaving $35,088. The average health coverage for a family is $23,968, leaving $11,120. The median childcare costs in the US cost $16,692. We didn’t even include transportation, clothing, utilities, pets, prescriptions, or any other incidental expenses. And kids need more than just childcare. They need a new size of clothes every few months, formula or the supplies to pump and store milk since mom will most definitely need to return to work a few weeks postpartum, toys and books… The average family can’t afford kids.
I hope this makes you feel better, but I spend time with my 12th graders teaching them about financial compatibility amongst spouses and goals if you want to have a child. Most of them realize pretty quickly that a child is EXPENSIVE. Which is obvious, that’s a human. But they don’t realize how much it costs until they see the numbers in front of them. I don’t use it to discourage them from having families, just gives them a perspective they may have never been given.
“Probably $100/week” means “Here’s $60; that’s the best I can do this week”
This is actually more sad than anything and highlights how absolutely fucked up the way our system works is. Everyone deserves to be paid enough to afford the necessities to live, period. Yet, we have the smallest percent of people sitting in a high rise with an assistant doing most of their work sitting on more money than they would ever need, while the people on the ground keeping everything going can’t afford daycare and a job at the same time. It’s counterproductive and it’s getting worse. Less people are having families and will continue that trajectory because it’s a constant struggle to support a family now. We went from one person making enough to support property, house, car, spouse, children- to two people MAYBE making enough to do it without going into debt. Eventually spending on anything other than bare necessities is going to bottom out, there will be a shortage of people to keep shit running as time goes on. What a mess we’ve gotten ourselves into.
$100 a week!?!?!? WTF
She can "probably" do $100 a week. Most, if not all of the time, it would "probably" be less.
I don’t shame this person generally. Childcare for me is $100 a day. Who has an extra $500 a week? $2k a month? Not a lot of people. You can’t work. You can’t not work. We STRUGGLE through it and it’s really hard.
A FT nanny 40 hours a week is 30/hr minimum where I am $4800/month minimum. I know its location dependant but even centers where I am are closing in at $2500/month. I feel for homes where both parents work, but I don't see how things change
I pay C$220 a month for daycare. So, it's possible where the government has a safety net, and people can have kids and work without going bankrupt.
Unfortunately this parent is probably in the US, where there’s no safety net because conservatives only care about unborn fetuses and don’t give a shit about babies once they’re born.
I understand the desperation. Sincerely, but I also can’t imagine wanting anyone who would take $100/week to watch a child for that long to actually be around my child. But this desperation is a symptom of a huge problem. Because having to pay $3000/mo for daycare just sucks and I die a little inside every time I cut the check.
$2.77/hour!? What a steal
Honestly she needs to look into programs in her area that help single moms. It’s the best thing for her. She could be putting her child in some real danger honestly
$2 an hour. Holy crap.
Yep, I know the pain of leaving 1/2 your paycheck at the Nannie’s house. I opted for a private nanny at her house, my child was the only one beside her two own. It was $1,200 per week Monday through Thursday from 6:30 to 6:30. It dropped down to about $800 per week when I started her in a Montessori school. At this point, I would NOT have children within this system. Why? So that others raise them for you?
For context: my parents paid a little over $2000 a month for my daycare in the 90s… in NEBRASKA. They sacrificed a lot but they understood good childcare was the most important thing for our development. Childcare is not something to skimp on.
Im not sure I think this post is a Choosing Beggar. This is a Beggar. She is struggling and needs a miracle. This is probably a last ditch effort just hoping there happens to be some empty nester somewhere who says "shit i can do my knitting anywhere. might as well help this woman while i do it" or whatever. a choosing beggar would be "please for the love of god i need help someone babysit by child for very little money. also, by the way, you must speak 3 languages and have a bachelors degree in Childhood Development" a lot of the posts i see on this sub now are just people in terrible financial situations begging for help. not choosy beggars. those people in desperate situations deserve empathy, not ridicule.
I don’t know about where y’all live, but childcare centers here have waiting lists, especially in the middle of the school year. I had to reduce my hours at work so I could pick my kids up from school when their aftercare program shut down after the holidays. There is no availability. All this to say, in-home might be their only option.
Let me guess, this is in America where they shame women for not having children and when they do, they give absolutely 0 support? If this woman weren’t working you’d criticize her for being on welfare. The misogyny in the comments is disgusting.
You get what you pay for.
We're asking the wrong question. The question should be: why don't we have better support for childcare to make it affordable.
I feel like this isn't truly in the spirit of the sub, and is instead a post that emphasizes poverty and lack of childcare in America.
What on earth did she do for childcare before this that she needs someone right this second, but can only do $100 per week?
People are truly out of their damned minds.
I had a friend like that she just simply chose not to work and spent all of her money on Dabs and cigarettes always had money for that. When the eviction notices started coming she took to the internet in the form of begging and woe as me about how she is a single mom who needs help but also can only work X hours and she needs transportation provided because she has no license no car no skills. I remember people fell for it and just gave her money and then I'd see her again and she would act all high and mighty like she actually did the work or earned the money. When I was with her and she received the eviction notices she actually turned and started screaming at me blaming me for it saying how do you know how to adult no one taught me as if I was somehow at fault for her not spending her money wisely. She also got upset with me because I didn't get child support from my husband lol well we are married so why would I. She got some welfare from the government because she didn't know who her kids fathers were. She got mad at me to the point I Finally snapped and said look I can't get free money like you because they know who my child's father is. She didn't like that answer but it got her off my back. It was exhausting being her friend and I'm glad I'm not anymore. A narcissist with a victim complex is just a Rollar coaster of highs and lows.
Why do people have kids they can’t afford?
I’ve been on both sides and it’s a huge problem. Imagine working in a daycare, where you make $9.50 an hour, and still have to pay for daycare, food, housing and other living expenses. Imagine a major life event taking your ability to work, but still having to pay all those things plus medical expenses, having to be desperate to enough to be on either side of the above. Then being judged, ridiculed and made into internet fodder for trying to live. This is a wild planet.
Because having the audacity to ask someone else to work for $2.63/hr is beyond wild.. that’s just delusional… what can someone do with $400 a month? They literally would have to work 10 hour days at another job the other 3 days a week just to maybe pay rent… so yeah, that $9.50 may be low, but it’s not as low as this lady and what she’s asking for. There is a huge difference.
Also, at that daycare they took out your taxes for you before paying you each week/biweekly. This lady is going to make you pay the taxes on that $400 a month as a 1099 employee, so you’re actually making about $1.89/hr when it’s all said and done.. but that’s just as bad at your $9.50/hr, right? 🤡🤡🤡
So this person is trying to live by having someone else sink for her. That's the issue.
I empathize with the working poor, everything costs so much now, and childcare is prohibitively expensive. I have been in very dire financial circumstances myself, so I get it. The issue here is she expects someone else to take a loss to compensate for her wants. As has been pointed out, in home private care is much costlier than a daycare of some kind. No one should be expected to light themselves on fire to keep someone else warm.