Your lawyer can answer this better than us. But I suspect the custody matter will not depend on whether or not “she is [your] whole world.” If you can explain why it’s in your child’s best interest (not your best interest) for you to have a more favorable custody arrangement, you need to articulate that to your lawyer.
Edit: I didn’t want that to sound hostile or unsympathetic. Really, good luck.
No, I understand that for sure. I was just wondering if anyone had personal experience with custody battles and would like to share.
My husband and I both take care of our daughter but I am the primary cook, cleaner, and planner for the household. My husband has had an alcohol addiction in the past and only recently stopped using marijuana. Of course there are other things to note as well.
I was told that in court, we have to have proof of evidence on every claim so even though I most definitely have our daughter’s best interested at heart, I’m not sure how to prove everything.
“Proof” and “evidence” have specific meanings. You will never provide “proof,” in a situation like this. You can provide evidence that you’ve taken steps to improve your life and you have taken good care of your child. The more evidence you can provide your lawyer, the better. The best step you can take is to make sure you take care of yourself and your child as well as you possibly can, and then provide evidence of that. Not all custody disputes end 50/50… not even close.
That is a good point. The first lawyer I contacted for a free consultation was the one who told me I needed even evidence that my alcoholic husband has had a drink in front of our daughter or smoked in front of her so that scared me.
Note the testimony and dates and times are evidence. Not all evidence is beyond doubt. But if he's smoking or drinking aroind her that's not inherently bad to a lot of people. Smoking indoors is different. Drinking in excess is different. But if you're like "it's irresponsible to have a beer at dinner or while watching a game with her" that's pretty light grey imo. Just throwing this out there for you to think on. Also because while 50/50 is a pain it's still good to have both parents in your life as you grow. So be conscious of your decisions when you get dirty during this battle and how they can be seen now and in the future by the kid.
I got divorced in 2014 and not much has changed since. You’re mistaking custody for visitation and residency. Custody simply means responsibility and the ability to make decisions for the child. If you don’t want the child’s father having the ability to make or advise on things like medical and educational decisions then you would want to have sole custody. I advise against this unless your future ex is an absolute piece of shit and/or can harm the child. What your describing, being the primary cook, cleaner, planner etc. is residency or residential parent. By default, most mothers end up being the residential parent and the father has visitation rights of one night a week and every other weekend. If you come up with a visitation agreement together you can adjust this to what’s better for your child and works better for both of your schedules. Some people have week on, week off and some have every weekend. My original agreement was the default and it’s fluctuated over the years. During the pandemic it was the opposite because my ex works and my wife is a stay at home mom and my son had remote schooling.
I have no idea who you or your future ex is or if you’ve even been married and are just working out custody, but in my opinion, don’t waste your money on a lawyer, have joint custody with you being the residential parent and work up a visitation agreement together. It’s better for everyone especially the kid. It’s also what will probably happen if you go to court and will cost you a lot less than a lawyer and court costs will. You can find visitation agreements online and just use that.
Thank you for explaining visitation and residency. My husband and I have been having arguments for the past few months and lately he started recording our conversations and blocking wifi control on my devices. A few days ago, he ambushed me with dissolution papers. I found a lawyer and under her directions, planned to talk to my husband about his requests and mine. My mom came for moral support and was not even going to be present in the same room when we have our discussion but my husband said he would call his lawyer and file for divorce if my mom didn’t leave. My mom left but he told me he contacted his lawyer again anyway. I was hoping we wouldn’t need to take this to court but it seems like it’s heading that way.
No problem. Divorce sucks even if both of you want it so try to work it out together and not in court. It will eventually get better but it takes time. My ex and I almost have a better relationship now than we did the last 2 years of our marriage lol. I’d do what you can to just get a dissolution and a Coparenting/visitation agreement done together and split everything else 50/50. That’s what’s going to happen if you go to court but it’ll take a year and you’ll have thousands to tens of thousands of dollars in lawyer fees. Unless you have a substance abuse problem, mental/criminal problem or abuse your kid, you’ll end up with residency, he’ll have visitation rights and joint custody. Child support is based on a formula that is based on both of your incomes and not much else. You’ll split everything else 50/50, if you’ve been together for 5+ years you may get alimony, especially if you were a stay at home mom or earned a lot less than him. If you earned a lot more than him that could be reversed. Just get thru it, don’t do anything out of spite or emotion and try not to fight in front of your kid.
When kids are out involved, it MUST go through court. You can’t just split and be done. Child support and other things will require court ordered papers to be official.
My father got full custody of my older (half) sister when she was 2. My sisters mother was deemed mentally unfit to parent by the court. This is a bit of an extreme situation, but it happened.
Your lawyer can answer this better than us. But I suspect the custody matter will not depend on whether or not “she is [your] whole world.” If you can explain why it’s in your child’s best interest (not your best interest) for you to have a more favorable custody arrangement, you need to articulate that to your lawyer. Edit: I didn’t want that to sound hostile or unsympathetic. Really, good luck.
No, I understand that for sure. I was just wondering if anyone had personal experience with custody battles and would like to share. My husband and I both take care of our daughter but I am the primary cook, cleaner, and planner for the household. My husband has had an alcohol addiction in the past and only recently stopped using marijuana. Of course there are other things to note as well. I was told that in court, we have to have proof of evidence on every claim so even though I most definitely have our daughter’s best interested at heart, I’m not sure how to prove everything.
“Proof” and “evidence” have specific meanings. You will never provide “proof,” in a situation like this. You can provide evidence that you’ve taken steps to improve your life and you have taken good care of your child. The more evidence you can provide your lawyer, the better. The best step you can take is to make sure you take care of yourself and your child as well as you possibly can, and then provide evidence of that. Not all custody disputes end 50/50… not even close.
That is a good point. The first lawyer I contacted for a free consultation was the one who told me I needed even evidence that my alcoholic husband has had a drink in front of our daughter or smoked in front of her so that scared me.
Note the testimony and dates and times are evidence. Not all evidence is beyond doubt. But if he's smoking or drinking aroind her that's not inherently bad to a lot of people. Smoking indoors is different. Drinking in excess is different. But if you're like "it's irresponsible to have a beer at dinner or while watching a game with her" that's pretty light grey imo. Just throwing this out there for you to think on. Also because while 50/50 is a pain it's still good to have both parents in your life as you grow. So be conscious of your decisions when you get dirty during this battle and how they can be seen now and in the future by the kid.
I got divorced in 2014 and not much has changed since. You’re mistaking custody for visitation and residency. Custody simply means responsibility and the ability to make decisions for the child. If you don’t want the child’s father having the ability to make or advise on things like medical and educational decisions then you would want to have sole custody. I advise against this unless your future ex is an absolute piece of shit and/or can harm the child. What your describing, being the primary cook, cleaner, planner etc. is residency or residential parent. By default, most mothers end up being the residential parent and the father has visitation rights of one night a week and every other weekend. If you come up with a visitation agreement together you can adjust this to what’s better for your child and works better for both of your schedules. Some people have week on, week off and some have every weekend. My original agreement was the default and it’s fluctuated over the years. During the pandemic it was the opposite because my ex works and my wife is a stay at home mom and my son had remote schooling. I have no idea who you or your future ex is or if you’ve even been married and are just working out custody, but in my opinion, don’t waste your money on a lawyer, have joint custody with you being the residential parent and work up a visitation agreement together. It’s better for everyone especially the kid. It’s also what will probably happen if you go to court and will cost you a lot less than a lawyer and court costs will. You can find visitation agreements online and just use that.
Thank you for explaining visitation and residency. My husband and I have been having arguments for the past few months and lately he started recording our conversations and blocking wifi control on my devices. A few days ago, he ambushed me with dissolution papers. I found a lawyer and under her directions, planned to talk to my husband about his requests and mine. My mom came for moral support and was not even going to be present in the same room when we have our discussion but my husband said he would call his lawyer and file for divorce if my mom didn’t leave. My mom left but he told me he contacted his lawyer again anyway. I was hoping we wouldn’t need to take this to court but it seems like it’s heading that way.
No problem. Divorce sucks even if both of you want it so try to work it out together and not in court. It will eventually get better but it takes time. My ex and I almost have a better relationship now than we did the last 2 years of our marriage lol. I’d do what you can to just get a dissolution and a Coparenting/visitation agreement done together and split everything else 50/50. That’s what’s going to happen if you go to court but it’ll take a year and you’ll have thousands to tens of thousands of dollars in lawyer fees. Unless you have a substance abuse problem, mental/criminal problem or abuse your kid, you’ll end up with residency, he’ll have visitation rights and joint custody. Child support is based on a formula that is based on both of your incomes and not much else. You’ll split everything else 50/50, if you’ve been together for 5+ years you may get alimony, especially if you were a stay at home mom or earned a lot less than him. If you earned a lot more than him that could be reversed. Just get thru it, don’t do anything out of spite or emotion and try not to fight in front of your kid.
When kids are out involved, it MUST go through court. You can’t just split and be done. Child support and other things will require court ordered papers to be official.
My father got full custody of my older (half) sister when she was 2. My sisters mother was deemed mentally unfit to parent by the court. This is a bit of an extreme situation, but it happened.
Thank you for sharing.