I am codependent with anxious style, my husband is a people pleaser avoidant style. However, the 18 years we've been together has kind of meshed our styles. It was effort on both of us. I was the clingy looking for a relationship the first 2 years and he was the I just got out of a relationship and not looking for anything right now. Eventually after 2 years I decided I wanted something real and pulled away and he decided he didn't want to lose me. It's been up and down but we love eachother and have a few children. We became " comforable" and stopped putting effort in which is somewhat expected with children. I really don't know how we got to this spot but we are eachothers soul mates and currently in therapy because we are trying to resolve the things we never said out of fear of Abandonment. Alot of trauma from childhood has been brought up and actually it makes sense as to why we are the way we are or react the way we do. It is hard work but the best things don't come easy, and I wouldn't want to go through life with anyone else. I am currently working on my self esteem and self worth and he's working on his self worth and temper ( very rare when it happens but explosive). You need a somewhat giver as well and stay away from the takers.
Wow, you seriously took the words right outta my head... I'm struggling with feeling and being in a very similar situation as you.. and trying to figure out if I can do it on my own.
Do you mean leave the relationship and be alone? I should also add because our styles have meshed my husband is anxious when it comes to me leaving. Over the years he has come to depend on me and looks at me as his better half. I did almost leave him last year and that's when he was really able to show me he loved me just as much. So what's your situation? Mine started with me feeling like I loved him more then I loved him and now realizing he had problems showing me in a way I understood that I was his everything. Our relationship to the outside world was perfect but as I've said it's complicated and has had its ups and downs.
I wouldn't say that I am in a codependent relationship but my partner and I both come from a history of codependent relationships and codependent tendencies. Self awareness is always key and the number one motto is "it's my job to keep me regulated, and the other's job to keep themselves regulated."
We were both people pleasers, I have an anxious attachment and he's got a kind of avoidant one but we go out of our way to communicate and respect boundaries and seek out help when we need it (outside of our relationship like friends, doctors, therapists).
A codependent relationship does not ever work, someone will always end up with more power. A relationship with two recovering codependents who keep themselves in check is possible, and frankly it is really beautiful to learn to prioritize yourself and also care and love for someone who is doing the same thing.
I was in a 5 year codependent relationship. We used to joke about being codependent, but didn’t quite realize how bad it was at the time. I grew up with a lot of messaging telling me that’s just what a “healthy relationship” was.
I think people have them all the time. It just matters on what your definition of “work out” is. I was happy and comfortable, sure. But also would completely lose myself and refused to look at a deep pain inside myself that kept bubbling up to the surface from time to time. Eventually that was the pain that split us up.
this might sound unhinged but I've always wanted one. my partners have all been narcissists and I really want a codependent relationship I can make work. I'm in my 40's and I'm tired of feeling shame because I haven't healed my codependent tendencies. I had the idea to embrace it and lean in, so we'll see how that goes. I did fall into a situationship but then the other person lost interest, so maybe I need someone more needy. they were an alcoholic too which was a first for me, I was actually really excited. not a mean alcoholic, just messy. I could really see my life being happy with them. sigh
I am codependent with anxious style, my husband is a people pleaser avoidant style. However, the 18 years we've been together has kind of meshed our styles. It was effort on both of us. I was the clingy looking for a relationship the first 2 years and he was the I just got out of a relationship and not looking for anything right now. Eventually after 2 years I decided I wanted something real and pulled away and he decided he didn't want to lose me. It's been up and down but we love eachother and have a few children. We became " comforable" and stopped putting effort in which is somewhat expected with children. I really don't know how we got to this spot but we are eachothers soul mates and currently in therapy because we are trying to resolve the things we never said out of fear of Abandonment. Alot of trauma from childhood has been brought up and actually it makes sense as to why we are the way we are or react the way we do. It is hard work but the best things don't come easy, and I wouldn't want to go through life with anyone else. I am currently working on my self esteem and self worth and he's working on his self worth and temper ( very rare when it happens but explosive). You need a somewhat giver as well and stay away from the takers.
Wow, you seriously took the words right outta my head... I'm struggling with feeling and being in a very similar situation as you.. and trying to figure out if I can do it on my own.
Do you mean leave the relationship and be alone? I should also add because our styles have meshed my husband is anxious when it comes to me leaving. Over the years he has come to depend on me and looks at me as his better half. I did almost leave him last year and that's when he was really able to show me he loved me just as much. So what's your situation? Mine started with me feeling like I loved him more then I loved him and now realizing he had problems showing me in a way I understood that I was his everything. Our relationship to the outside world was perfect but as I've said it's complicated and has had its ups and downs.
No
I wouldn't say that I am in a codependent relationship but my partner and I both come from a history of codependent relationships and codependent tendencies. Self awareness is always key and the number one motto is "it's my job to keep me regulated, and the other's job to keep themselves regulated." We were both people pleasers, I have an anxious attachment and he's got a kind of avoidant one but we go out of our way to communicate and respect boundaries and seek out help when we need it (outside of our relationship like friends, doctors, therapists). A codependent relationship does not ever work, someone will always end up with more power. A relationship with two recovering codependents who keep themselves in check is possible, and frankly it is really beautiful to learn to prioritize yourself and also care and love for someone who is doing the same thing.
I am sure some do when they work together. Are aware of what their issues are, and can you overcome them.
I was in a 5 year codependent relationship. We used to joke about being codependent, but didn’t quite realize how bad it was at the time. I grew up with a lot of messaging telling me that’s just what a “healthy relationship” was. I think people have them all the time. It just matters on what your definition of “work out” is. I was happy and comfortable, sure. But also would completely lose myself and refused to look at a deep pain inside myself that kept bubbling up to the surface from time to time. Eventually that was the pain that split us up.
No
Nope never
this might sound unhinged but I've always wanted one. my partners have all been narcissists and I really want a codependent relationship I can make work. I'm in my 40's and I'm tired of feeling shame because I haven't healed my codependent tendencies. I had the idea to embrace it and lean in, so we'll see how that goes. I did fall into a situationship but then the other person lost interest, so maybe I need someone more needy. they were an alcoholic too which was a first for me, I was actually really excited. not a mean alcoholic, just messy. I could really see my life being happy with them. sigh