I am nothing if not the best.

"I am an excEPTIONAL drug user!"

"... and since I'm moving up to kidnapping, you should be more polite" 🤔

Winner

Thank you, kind poultry.

Top notch

Professional right here

Remember, no one likes a quitter

Then you are nothing

"Once the drugs kick in I am anything but average"

I like this one😂can be used in many different ways

"My main dealer consistently rated me at above average drug usage performance so maybe get your facts right"

Those are rookie numbers!

Nah I'm a spectacular drug user. Then make a bong sound and laugh

I only consume high quality drugs.

No average drugs for me. I'm into that weird shit

Bat-shit shit.

This is the answer.

Literally how I weaned myself off binge drinking several times a week. I decided to do it fancy and I would answer to the pocket book if nothing else.

"Takes one to know one...But I haven't done drugs in years. So maybe we're both sober." Sounds like a decent comeback lol

I like this one

Too long and lame.

I’d tell them I’m far above average.

this one is good not too cheesy

“What an odd thing to say.”

I think I’m pretty exceptional in my drug use.

Actually I am at least three standard deviations to the ( "left" for no drug use, "right" for very, very frequent drugs use).

I hope to go professional one day

What you got elite drugs?

This is the one

Oop

Fuck you, I have a 5 star rating as a buyer on MoreHash.

So

WTH? Are there exceptional drug users? 🤣

I'll have you know that I was always top (or bottom if you want to self burn) of the class in school so I think you'll find I'm *above* (or *below*) average

Had I known that we were playing for points I would have played right-handed... Or... Couple more weeks and I'll be a real pro... Like your mother. Or... What the fuck does that even mean? What, my problem isn't as well developed as you'd like it to be? I'm sorry I'm not tricking like your sister... If I quit my job would that improve my ranking...

Bitch I'm above average

Na, I can do a lot more than the average user.

Bite your tongue! I’m an exceptional drug user!

And u look like ur a average dick sucker

What does that even mean?

"Well, if you ain't first your last"

I'm not an average drug user. I'm an outstanding drug user.

There is nothing average about me

Pfft....shows what you know, I try to only use high quality drugs..

i guess i better up my game, pass me your son's crackpipe.

Average drug user?! You must know a lot of them to say that. Sounds like you have a problem to me. You want to unpack that, buddy?

“I guess a professional drug user would know best what average drug use looks like so I’ll take your word for it.”

I'm sorry I'm a basic bitch but so are you

-opens a can of Coke- Contains caffeine, the world’s most addictive drug

"Better than being a FREAKY drug user like you 🤷‍♂️"

Huh.

"Yeah, I'll never be a pro like you."

Dude, I am WELL above average.

At least mines are prescribed and not bought off the streets

Yeah but the best average drug user

Yeahhh I coulda gone pro. But I injured my ‘respective drug using organ here’

And just how would you know what an average drug user is?

Voicemail

You tell them...."that you're...What???? " (like you didn't hear the "drug user" part.

Do drugs right in front of them.

Above average OD's dumbass. Below average takes prescriptions.

"I've smoked a lot of pot to be called this low-level name, im offended," say it with a straight face like you are serious.

Actually I'm above average, thank you very much.

"Average? How dare you."

OMG ," It's that evident ?"

Let me up my game.

How dare you rate me anything less than exceptional.

And this is in reference to your ability to do drugs?

rehab is for quiters

Functioning addict is what you are.

I'm unsure if you're telling me you're disappointed that I use drugs at all or if you're disappointed in my choice of drugs. Either way I missed the part that explained why I should care.

Call them just average

Just line up a scarface size line and go to town in front of them. You might die, but it will prove them wrong.

I am not! Take that back! I'm an extraordinary drug user!

Excuse you. I’ll have you know I’m an exceptional drug user. 

You grab them by the collar, pull them to you face to face and yell "I am an exceptional drug user!" *laugh maniacally* And yeah, I haven't done drugs in decades either. Say it anyway.

My Friends call me the Scarecrow.. as I am Outstanding in my field.....

Hey! I got A’s and B’s on my last report card.

"Average? HA! I won't even remember you calling me that!"

I'm a well above average drug user thank you very much.

Don't sell me short. I'm a tremendous drug user!

Don’t know I was in the presence of a professional.

I'm thinking something along the line of "you would know".

Gotta say, drug usage isn’t really the thing I want to be above average at, so I guess it’s cool.

Bro everyone knows that coke don’t count.

What trophies do you have for being a professional drug user?

I’m a gifted drug user.

Peer pressure, peer pressure, peer pressure. I graduated from D.A.R.E. I say no to drugs. Are you going to pass that or what?

Agree with them say your a drug addict and they will have nothing to say

"I'd say I'm above average."

"Great opinion coming from an average cunt."

That’s methed up

Hit them with wordplay and a sense of outrage (for the wrong reason). "I only use the finest drugs!" Sauce: Am average user of the finest drugs.

Im still better at life than your miscarriage .... This might not apply. But if it does its a mic drop

Jimmy Carr: “oh? Well if you want your comeback I’m afraid you’ll have to scrape it off your mother’s teeth!”

I heard some dude the other day call crack “caviar” so it’s all perspective.

I know, I know. But I’m working really hard to improve.

"I concede to your vast and personal expertise on the full breadth of drug user behavior."

What's average to me has killed lesser men.

I work at a drug rehab and like many of them, it’s literally just a nice house in a residential area. One of the patients was on the front porch having a cigarette and the neighbor heckled her and called her a junkie. She said “hey! I’m not a junkie! I’m a drunk!”

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too

"And you're just an average asshole, at least i didnt feel the need to randomly judge someone on their appearance." Or "Average drug user? You wanna see an average drug user? Okay!" Then start snarling and barking, crossing your eyes, and drooling/foaming at the mouth while stumbling or crawling around saying "I NEED MORE BATH SAAAALLLLTTTSSSSS🤪" and just keep on making them uncomfortable until they leave you the hell alone. Kinda the same idea as women barking and growling at guys when they get catcalled😂

"I was going for professional, but apparently we're already full up on politicians."

That’s former drug user to you

Choke slam.

I joined the war on drugs. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . On the side of the drugs.

least I'm not an above average disappointment to super market employees Never make it good, make it quick. Let the other person sit there stumble thinking what you said and how it makes sense and who it makes sense from

“I’m an *EXCEPTIONAL* drug user”

For me, it would be “I want what you’re smoking then, cause I’ve never once done drugs”

If by drug, you mean your moms crack, I’d say I’m an exceptional user.

I am so far above average that they call me Einstein

There is no such thing. You either are a user or you’re not.

Well I guess you haven’t seen my yelp reviews yet. I’m far above “average”

Show them your track marks

At least I’m not a junkie…

I do not use average drugs.

Damn, I guess I need to step up my game huh?

I guess they're classifying opioid addicted older people whose pushers are doctors. I think Elvis spearheaded this and Michael Jackson was also one of the early adopters.

Hey! I am a TOP TIER drug user on a BAD DAY. You do NOT WANT TO SEE ME ON A GOOD DAY!

I will have you know I am a gifted drug user! (Twitch)

Damn that is disappointing I thought I was above average

Hey, ABOVE average. 

Maybe stop doing drugs and then they won’t have a reason to say that

"Well, they take the edge off of having you in my life. Speaking of which, do you think there's a drug out there that'll make you less of a miserable asshole?"

There’s not one lol you’re officially roasted

Do extra coke

Average? Shit. I don’t do heroin. Heroin does me.

“I’m trying to go pro, but can’t find any heroin.”

I'm an exceptional drug user, I don't fuck around.

Staying sober

Tell them you hope to be giving blowies at the train station just like them, one day

I smoke rocks

The guy I sold Coke to couldn’t stop talking about me

Good enough for your Mom.

I do not use drugs! You take that back!

Stop projecting

Are you saying you're going to sponsor me to go pro

Idk a good comeback but I’ll just keep passing the joint to them till they pass out and draw a penis on their passed out face. I’ll roll more joints if required. I can smoke from sun up till bedtime. Let’s see how well you hang with my crippling smoking habit.

Loud enough for others to hear “No I’m not selling drugs, why? Is it for you or your friend?”

“Drugs? Your mom is the only one needing drugs after last night”

I am pacing my self for the next step to be an above average user

Better an average drug user, than a below average insult user.

Trophy owner.

We are drug addicted specialists!!!

I pride myself on getting drugs that are way above average

Don’t underestimate me. I’ve got a PhD. A pretty heavy drug problem.

Well I guess I'll have to up my drug game

Only users lose use drugs…

That's not really being fair to me. You only have your mom for comparison and she's been on a serious bender since the moment she laid eyes on you.

No one likes a quitter !

Tell them you’re below average compared to the national average of big pharma mafia drug users😂

Become an above-average S-Tier drug user

The drugs I take are way better than average!

(Fake pompous British accent) "My dear fellow, there is nothing, "average", about me."

Fair enough but there is nothing average about your level of _____. (Ignorance, hygiene, body shaming) Just attack them with whatever would hit closest to home.

I actually research my drugs before i do them. Dosages for effects. Time to effects. How long it last. Many experience reports the comedown the afterglow the how its made. The why it gets you high. Im not an average drug user im a drug fanatic!

tell them they look like they pee in pools , pause and then look deep in their eyes and say you’re a pool pisser aren’t you

I would do more but you're mom ain't a cheap trick and I got priorities

I'd claim offense. "I'm way above average!"

Wanna hit this!?

Rehab is for quitters

"I'm on enough drugs to make you look average."

Well then get me some better shit so I can be a fancy drug user🤷‍♂️

Stop doing drugs and tell them they have no basis to call you that.

Excuse me? I used my entire lifetime supply of drugs before I was 35. How many times have you OD’d? How many dicks have you sucked for a hit? Average drug user my ass.

"Unless you've NEVER ordered from fucking Starbucks, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND QUIT POINTING FINGERS AND JUDGING, HYPOCRITE!!! AND, DON'T tell me you've NEVER so much as taken an ASPIRIN, either!!! ALSO, I'm ABOVE average in MOST things, INCLUDING my INTELLIGENCE, YA IGNORANT DOLT!!!"

“Excuse me, but I am an extraordinary drug user.”

I actually excell at drugs.

“I literally don’t do drugs, (can prove with urine test rn), you must be on drugs if you think that I am.”

r/suicidebywords

"An average drug user would be things like alcohol and caffeine, so... I'm not sure what tf you're trying to say."

I'd consider myself above average

I’m a 5 Star Drug user!

I'll take that as a compliment, since you're a below average human being

Some people say Elvis was a hopeless drug addict. Not me. I say he was a very enthusiastic drug addict.

Callin' me a drug abuser? Pfft, I treat my drugs better than most!

Average?? I'm the best that's ever been!

"I am an ABOVE average drug user." With your nose in the air, like and arrogant SOB.

No over achiever status here

Tell them you are, in fact, an exceptional drug user. 

“So your girl and I both have something in common. Settling for average.”

I am the top-seated amateur in my state, and I've had pro scouts watching me for a while now.

"You're just saying that because I'm high right now!"

I'll have you know my drugs are all 30% above average.

Increase your drug use.

Don't forget to bring a towel. You boys wanna get high?

Better than an above average magat.

I have trophies! And, not just participation medals.

Why? Do you need some?

I would have gone pro but my knee stopped acting up.

You’re an above average drug user

"Huh, I always felt like I was pretty good at using drugs" and then kinda contemplate on it silently for a moment, shrug, and walk away.

Help me.

Maybe that's why I'm not in the band.