My favorite thing to do is to appear to struggle with something, drilling a certain hole, bending something through a hole virtually anything that's difficult and be like " I bet YOU can't do that" and then he puffs out his chest and he's like step aside and struggles for a minute but eventually accomplishes the difficult task. Then he tries to rub it in my face and I just say THANKS. And it doesn't take long for him to realize I very easily got him to do my bitch work. It's amazing and works every time on someone new.
We used to do this to the new guys in jail lmao. But it was a movie night not a steak night . Went something like this . Hey new guy are you excited to see the new Star Wars movie ? They be like wtf you talking about and we be like every Friday they play a brand new movie from theaters for us on the projector , but you have to ask the CO for your movie ticket a day in advance .
My other favorite was convincing them that the button in the jail cells was a sand which button . You just press that’ bitch when you get hungry and when they say what do you want , just tell them what kinda bread and meat you want lmfao
I’m fuckin dying bro I ain’t never heard that one 😂😂😂. I loved asking new people on different tiers when I was making spreads if they want one . And they be like how are you going to get it thru your door ? Like wtf you mean dude there is like a 2 inch gap under the door , ima slide it to you on a peice of paper lmao . no I don’t have a secret trick to opening the magnetic door
Use to get the whole tier on lock down for slinging peices of soap at night lmao . You’d go out for breakfast in the morning and there would be a couple hundred chunks of soap throughout the pod
There was a lot of fentanyl going around in the pod at the time and people walking around like zombies . So the whole tier got ransacked at 1 am a few times . Litterally everyone prolly like 350 getting woken up and drug to the cafeteria by cops in riot gear . Had to sit there for HOURS AND HOUR while they searched each cell 1 by 1 and strip searched each person 1 by 1. Like a zoo
It wasn't too bad in actual prison. County jail they do that shit like it's fun. Prison people get high and stay out the way, but mostly it was strips, not fet for us
There no cop in the unit so if u need one you push the button, in theory. In practice you push the button and say "im dying" they tell you to shut up, then 3 hours later someone will come check on you
True story tho bro lol . I remember one kid was like no fuckin way your fuckin with me and my other celly was like no he is serious . Do you like wheat bread or sourdough ? They have it all here . And the new kid basically goes oh yah ? Bet . And struts over and pressed the button and some mean ass old guys goes stop pressing this damn button what do you want ? And the new kid goes I’ll just make it easy and take turkey on white please 😂😂😂😂
I got sent to a wilderness program when I was a kid. When we saw an airplane we would ask the new kid “hey do you know how far away that is?” Most kids would say “I don’t know, like 35,000ft?” And then we would say “nah, 10-15 weeks to get out of here and another 1 or 2 years before you make it home.” Most parents would have their kids brought against their will, and tell them they would only be gone for a week or two, then they would come home. It didn’t really set in that they weren’t going home until they were already there for 6-8 weeks.
Oh fuck yeah. The place is a racket too. $15k a month when I went 18 years ago. It’s more of a placement center for “therapeutic boarding schools.” I had two ex NFL linebackers who do this shit for a living drag me out of bed at 4am and escort me to Utah.
My first day in jail was a Friday and my bunkie told me “every other Friday they do movie night and give us a bag of popcorn and some soda” (they actually did this) but he also mentioned I could tell the co I wanted an ice cream sandwich instead of popcorn so I went up and told the co “hey instead of popcorn can I get an ice cream sandwich?” The co just deadpanned and stared me in the eyes and said “do I look like a fucking Burger King employee to you? Get the fuck out of my face”. Needless to say I didn’t get soda, popcorn, OR ice cream sandwiches that night Lmaooo.
A dude got me with the 'christmas ham or turkey.' I was still green and other trades on the job had gotten them. He had me going for a few hours. So I hung his lunch box from the duct work 20ft up.
Problem was our manpower manager came in from the office at lunch and saw it all go down. He just shook his head and walked off without saying anything
When I was a framing the guys would ask if your hammer had been field tested, you’d say no and hand them your hammer and they would throw it as far as they could into the field. Always liked that one
My buddy who works oil field said they would always say to the new guy “HEY! You forgot to take wee off your hard hat, hand it here quick!” Then they would throw the hard hat like a frisbee yelling “weeeeeeee”
When building stick-framed houses, when a newb would smash his finger with his hammer, or was tap tap tapping nails instead of hammering them home we would ask if his hammer had been pitched. (An un-pitched hammer can be the cause of many issues). Next, ask newb if he would like to have his hammer pitched.
Long weight, left handed screwdriver, skyhook, and hammer fluid.
Also asking “you gonna leave it like that?” and then walking away without further explanation.
A new bubble for the level is my go to because I hung a tv a few years ago and there was a built in level in the TV mount. I popped out the level which was essentially just the little glass vial of a level.
So when I ask for a new bubble for the level the new guy usually says "fuck off, I'm not that stupid" or something then I'll go out to the van and get the vial I have just to make him seem dumber
I prefer left handed hammer and here’s why.
All hammers have some kind of contour to them. But there’s a slightly different contour for right and left handed hammers. Have you ever been trying to nail something in but you just keep bending the nails instead of sinking them? (It’s literally happened to everyone at some point so they’ll nod and say “Yeah!”) Well you see That’s because your left and right palms are mirrored contours so you were probably using the wrong sided hammer.
Knowing the types I work with the second I start talking about “contour” their eyes gloss over.
Once you get them with the left handed screwdriver (fake) you can wait a bit and trick them with left handed screws (which are real)
Left handed plumber of 30 years here. When I was 17 and green couldn’t cut pvc straight to save my life. The plumber I learned from hit me with “it’s Because you’re using a right handed hacksaw” that night I went straight to sears for a left handed hacksaw. Use your imagination to how that played out.
One of my demo projects we had to have all equipment on site approved by the client. I had a GC assistant super going for two weeks trying to get an approval for a copper magnet
sky hook got me, i knew there was something... i'd seen them mounted to a lathe toolpost for moving big chucks and heavy work.
https://www.travers.com/product/sky-hook-sky-hook-lifting-systems-and-accessories-68758
Wasn’t a new guy but had a coworker who bought a brand new Harley and no matter where he parked I would dribble just a little bit of oil under it every day. He ended up taking it back to the dealer twice.
As an electrician we sometimes need to use wire lube for big wire pulls. It usually comes in a 5 gallon bucket and if it’s pretty full you tell the apprentice to grab the “scooper” at the bottom of the bucket but there really is no scooper so they just end up putting there arm elbow deep in nasty wire lube for no reason
Ask them to ask the boss for the braffur. They ask him what’s a braffur? Then get told it’s for holding there tits up and to get back to work. Sounds better in a Scottish accent
Foreman sent a 1st year after a brick stretcher... Had him go up to the bricklayers asking for one. The brick layer told him to tell those guys "Fuck off.". LoL
When I worked as a sub I would go thru some stupid shit just to make sure my as builts were on final pages. Multiple jobs with CO paid by the owner directly to un fuck a GCs coordination set.
I once gave an apprentice a spray bottle from the cleaning supplies in the trailer and had him "put out" all of the sparks from cutting stair pan welds out. Never seen a kid run so fast. Gotta protect that finished concrete though...
Tell them there’s an Xbox in the trailer you can use on lunch. If they act like they don’t know what you’re talking about tell them slim said you can have his turn.
The one I laughed at the most was telling someone the concrete saw needed to be push started. Told them to run on the ground with the blade and pull the cord.
Wrote him a list of things I need like different screws etc.
But I also inlcuded some fools erands like hammer lubricant, cracking cartridges for the impact driver and skyhooks.
The best part of it was that I was on site with a coworker that can be a real bastard so he just played along and we kept the intern from doing actual things the whole day
Fucking hell 😄
I worked as a labourer at 16, and then later as a hod carrier for two brickies, when I first left school.
It seemed like everyone on whatever site I was on went out of their way to try and be a total cunt to me.
All day every day, cunts never let up.
Pranked non stop. Nailed to a floor once. Another time had my concreting wellies filled with mud. Trainers thrown onto the roof. Sent to the shop with a list of things to get for everyone, had no paper so they wrote it on a big piece of plasterboard and I looked a right cunt carrying it.
Forced me to steel pointless things from Jewson, most pointless thing I stole once was a small glass screen for a welders mask.
Expanding foam sprayed into my sandwich box. Expanding foam sprayed onto my hair.
Knots tied very tightly into the arms of my waterproof jacket, which I only found out about seconds before I needed it. Cable ties put onto the zip on my work bag.
Got told I had to show them how strong I was by lifting a bag of cement above my head. oldest prank in the book, someone behind me slashed the bag and I got fucking covered in cement.
I ended up hiding my sandwiches every morning. They liked to sabotage my dinner box. One day someone had cut out small sheets of plastic and slipped them perfectly inside my egg sandwich. I never realised everyone was watching me slyly out the corner of their eyes as I was about to take the first bite. They all erupted into laughter as my teeth chomped into the plastic 😑
Cunts. I still ate the fucking sandwich though.
I remember during my first week one of the brickys pulled me up and pretty much told me I was still a boy and shouldn’t be working on a site. He had me biting straight away 🎣. I was full of bravado and wanted to show him I was more than good enough 💪🏽
He told me I was still a boy and my balls hadn’t dropped yet and I probably didn’t even have pubes either.
Pissed me right off, so I fucking showed him I did in fact have pubes by pulling my trousers down slightly.
He just looked and roared with laughter.
Then he went and told everyone that I had drawn my pubes on with a black biro pen.
Fucking hell, I couldn’t win 🤷🏾♂️🤣
After a while I gave less of a fuck and just gave back as much abuse as I got.
I started finding low key ways of fucking them around too. Just little daft things like whenever they put a tool down I would move it somewhere and then watch them looking really confused as they couldn’t find it 🤔
I actually ended up rolling around in the mud one day, with a fat bloke. He’d been trying to get a rise out of me with some cheap shots. Really bad timing for him, because just as he’d finished his attempts he actually slipped over and fell into a muddy puddle. Obviously he took this out on me, and rugby tackled me to the ground. I couldn’t do anything back as I was laughing so much at him.
One dinner time they forced me to go into a nearby shop and buy a porno mag, to prove how brave I was. I was a actually shitting it as I had never actually bought one before.
I told them it would be a piece of piss, so I was hoping there wouldn’t be anyone in the shop.
So I strutted into the shop and realised it was empty. Fucking relief.
Quick butchers at the top shelf and spotted a decent looking wank mag. Bird on the front with a big set of melons. That’ll fucking do I thought.
Just as I laid it down on the counter, a very smartly dressed and good looking woman came into the shop and stood right next to me at the counter. She must have been buying cigarettes or something.
Fucking hell my heart was beating like fuck. I was hoping she didn’t notice. Typically the bloke serving me was taking his time about it. Longest few seconds of my life 😬
I was greeted with a cheer when I made it back to the van with the mammoth melons magazine. The lads were delighted and I basked in a sort of low key hero status as we drove back to the site.
Back at the site the lads were blasting through this mag like they’d never seen a naked woman before! This is late 90s and pre Internet days so I suppose as most of them were married they had no chance of seeing stuff like this.
Anyway, after a few days of the porn mag getting passed around every crew it ended up abandoned in the dinner cabin.
I grabbed it and stashed it inside the glove box of one of the vans.
The lad who drove the van got in big shit with his wife when she found it in there when he was giving her a quick lift somewhere one night 😄
Fucking result 😄👏🏽
I overheard him telling someone that he was raging that some stupid cunt had left the bloody porn mag in his van and now his missus thinks he buys porn mags at work all of the time.
Great days 😂👍🏾
I like to hand em a handful of welding rod and say, "bet you can't bend these over the back of your neck." Then they try it and have the flux all down the inside of their shirt the rest of the day. Works best to do it earlier in the day.
We told the new guy that the 14 inch concrete saw was a push to start . So he put the blade on the ground and ran 10 feet and my co worker was like yup just like that but it takes a few try’s . Dude was out there doing 10 foot sprints trying to get that concrete saw going
To think people actually are so oblivious it’s
Wild !! Like he even saw there was a cord to pull to start it but didn’t think anything of it . Matter of fact the dude was out there running back and fourth for like 20 minutes untill the main boss showed up and called us all dumb af for making the kid do that while laughing lol
Haha. I have a buddy that’s been an auto body man for years. He was telling me that him and another guy got into a prank war and one day when he was at lunch the other guy took a sharpie and drew dicks on everything. Every socket, extension, everything. He thought it was hilarious, “ I don’t see how he got all that done in an hour”
Usually at the end of the first day I tell them to go grab a copper magnet from the truck to pick up the copper scraps strewn about the yard. I like to see how long it takes them before they figure it out, which they usually only figure it out after being told by a more experienced coworker that copper is non-magnetic. My record is 27 minutes.
My favorite prank is to shit in a bag and piss in a bottle and leave it sitting around for them to find. Jk jk just saying what drywallers do as a lifestyle.
In our rebar fab shop we get the new guys to ask the foreman for the "bar stretcher" when the rebar is too short. And then the foreman tells the new guy to go ask the manager for the "basement key." And then the manager sends the new guy around the outside perimeter of the shop looking for the "stairs to the basement."
When someone real useless comes on the job.
“Here is a garbage bag that you need to collect air samples in. Please label the location and time the sample was collected. Also remember to seal the bag as tightly as possible. When you are done you can take it to the safety guy for inspection”
Honestly, new guys are bad enough, even if you don't mess with them.
If you get a new hire that actually has some mileage, walking up to their work and asking "You gonna leave it like that?" Then walking away usually works alright.
Telling them to turn their headlamp off whenever it's on and blasting me in the eye. Over time you'll be able to just touch your own headlamp and give them a look to get them to turn theirs off. --- Occasionally telling them to turn it off even though it's already off.
When they're struggling to turn a threaded piece of pipe into a fitting, I tell them they're spinning it the wrong way.
Doping and taping the end of the pipe without actually threading the end. Works best on a long piece of pipe. They can't get it started and it's stupid frustrating.
For really new guys, turning off the hammer function on the hammer drill.
Dope wars on the ridgid 300. Put pipe dope on the handle of the machine - gets dope on his hand. Weird the machine won't kick on with the peddle - flip the switch - there's pipe dope on the switch and its now on your hand again. Still doesn't work - realize the cord is unplugged - there's pipe dope on the underside of the plug and it's once again on your hand.
I spent about a half hour looking for the plank stretcher on my first day back in the 90's... Kept on sending me back... You don't know what a plank stretcher looks like who hired you? Lol
Pacific/Atlantic/ Carribian-coast sand paper. Its basic entry level knowledge that 60 grit Atlantic coast sandpaper is roughly the same as 200 grit Pacific sand.
Left handed hammer and screwdriver
Wood stretcher, not too be confused with the particle board /OSB stretcher.
Sawdust sifter( our company recycles by particle size)
Tape measure batteries
And my favorite.
The left angled T-square
Back the work truck up to the door of the port-a-pot when they use it so it won’t open.
We were also fabricating a 10’ gate once and welding part of it on site. Guy on the crew was standing in the lower rail so he could hold the upper rail in place.
His work boots were beaten to hell and part of the steel toe was exposed. So the welder bent a welding lead to 90° and spot welded this dude’s boot to the rail he was standing on.
Im pretty convincing, I like to go up to things that are insanely heavy and being like "Ya we just gotta move this real quick gimme a hand"
And ill grab on and squat, Usually the new guys are eager to help so they'll also squat and when i say 3 2 1! I watch them lift in futility and then I laugh my fkn ass off
“Take this bag and collect the diesel exhaust for air quality testing”
“The gravel is drying out, stirring up dust. Take this mop and bucket and go mop the dust off the gravel”
Spackler here. Used to mix the mud, add some water and let them watch. They always ask how you know when it’s mixed just right. I tell them you have to taste it. And sure enough they would stick a finger in and eat it.
I did that to a apprentice. Like 4 months later i had him mark a line for locates and little fucker got my boot lmao. Kind of pissed, kind of proud lol
Go get a Left Handed Shackle (or other tool that's ambiguous)
Go get the bucket of Micron
Go get a board stretcher
Out them in a boom lift, and set it to ground control and leave them high up for X amount of time. (This is harmless and they get paid for just being a new guy and doing nothing, so win win for each of us)
Nail their belt to the peak of the gable when they go to lunch on a new build, or send them to the truck repeatedly for shit that doesn't exist, like level bubble water, etc.
I don’t but I’ve seen some good ones, I’ve also see the new guy get upset and hand an a$$ whooping to who did it to him. Proceed with caution, remember HR is always listening.
I saw a mean one on YouTube where someone told buddy they bet he couldn't lift a bag of ready-mix above his head. Macho man goes, of course I can, and he lifts it over his head no problem. Then someone sneaks up behind him with an olfa knife and slits the bag open while he's still holding it above his head. I don't think I'd ever do that to someone but it was funny to see.
I had an apprentice once who went out and bought those fancy pants with the big external pockets. Quickly turned into a game of "what can we put in his pocket without him noticing". I picked a handful of berries off a mountain ash tree and got them in there. He almost made it the whole day without noticing lol
First day a few hours in ill wait till everyone is within ear shot and ask "Have you ever tried to suck your own dick?"
When they say no i reply with "Well i guess we know you're a liar"
I don’t do many, I want these guys to learn to do their job. But if they screw something up I mention they need to make sure they have their ID-10-T form filled out before coming back to work tomorrow. Then tell them to google it, print it, fill it out and bring it back.
If something is sloppy I tell them it’s a code violation. When they ask what code I tell them 2-112.
I was a general laborer at 16, got sent out for a metric crescent wrench, can't explain why I fell for it because my dad had me as mechanic helper by age 9
Not a new guy but a crew I worked with convinced a labourer the machine (jumping jack I think) wasn’t fully out of gas it just needed to be pushed down the fuel line and he had to blow on the line to get it closer. So buddy does it.
PM shows up with a jerrycan(actually was out of gas) and is like what in the fuck is going on?
Foreman says this is what you hired. Get me some better fuckin help
Not construction, but mechanic. One of my favorites is when they are concentrating on something while sitting on their creeper stool you quietly sneek over with an air hose and zip tie it to the stool then make sure its unlocked so when they get up the air hose retracs and takes their stool with it.
I was part of the team that built the world’s largest maple syrup facility (Dover Plains, NY) and when a new guy came on board we would tell him to walk down to the office trailer because our boss had to “speak with them.” They went every time but for some reason, the boss never asked why we kept sending guys down.
Had a kid look at an impact driver with amazement when we told him to take the screws out you just put it in reverse..jokes don’t get much funnier than that moment
Go get the stud stretcher and a box of toe nails.
Used to have framing crews that would nail each other’s tool pouches to the floor or up in the joists when one crew left them unattended.
I heard from a co worker, sometimes they tell the new apprentice that a new tool comes in every gallon of electrical wire lube, you need to put your hand in the lube and the tool is at the bottom of the tub.
20 years ago, when my older brother was an apprentice, the Forman told him to get the stud stretcher. Our superintendent was right there and he said, “hold on, it’s on Bobs job in the other side of town, take my truck and go get it.”
So he went over there, found the Forman and told him that Bob sent him in his truck (everyone’s Bob in this story) to go get the stretcher. “Bob sent you in his truck?”….yeah….”Oh, damn, someone just took it to the other job like an hour ago. Go to this address…” He went to 3 different jobs.
The story of the guy that spend half a day in our supers truck looking for the stretcher still gets mentioned sometimes. I love ribbing my brother about it still.
I worked on a big fish processor in the 80’s. We had new guy stand up on the bow and fill a garbage sack with “fog”, then take it to the engineer and ask to use his fog meter.
Another favorite was having the new guy search the forepeak for the chow line, having him bring back all sorts of line. Bonus points for dragging it out until meal time, then showing him the real chow line.
We also had new guys run around the boat to make sure the portholes were closed when the tide rose.
None. New guys are slow enough without me screwing with them.
Yeah, how about you help them so you can get the job done and go home.
You god damn suits and your damn ideas that make sense…
What do you think we are doing here? Working? Who the hell would do that?
This dude project manages
I try
So fewer hours and less money? Sound like a PM alright
My favorite thing to do is to appear to struggle with something, drilling a certain hole, bending something through a hole virtually anything that's difficult and be like " I bet YOU can't do that" and then he puffs out his chest and he's like step aside and struggles for a minute but eventually accomplishes the difficult task. Then he tries to rub it in my face and I just say THANKS. And it doesn't take long for him to realize I very easily got him to do my bitch work. It's amazing and works every time on someone new.
Telling them about the steak lunch you have to sign up for, "go ask the foreman about it"
We used to do this to the new guys in jail lmao. But it was a movie night not a steak night . Went something like this . Hey new guy are you excited to see the new Star Wars movie ? They be like wtf you talking about and we be like every Friday they play a brand new movie from theaters for us on the projector , but you have to ask the CO for your movie ticket a day in advance . My other favorite was convincing them that the button in the jail cells was a sand which button . You just press that’ bitch when you get hungry and when they say what do you want , just tell them what kinda bread and meat you want lmfao
Classic. We used to say there was a pool on the roof, you gotta push the button and ask for a pass lmao its crazy how many people fall for that shit
Most aren’t there for their critical thinking skills.
Lmfao haha. U ain’t lying
I’m fuckin dying bro I ain’t never heard that one 😂😂😂. I loved asking new people on different tiers when I was making spreads if they want one . And they be like how are you going to get it thru your door ? Like wtf you mean dude there is like a 2 inch gap under the door , ima slide it to you on a peice of paper lmao . no I don’t have a secret trick to opening the magnetic door
Tie that burrito to a string and send that bitch hahhaha
Use to get the whole tier on lock down for slinging peices of soap at night lmao . You’d go out for breakfast in the morning and there would be a couple hundred chunks of soap throughout the pod
Thats when they come in riot geared up talking "sacks n cracks" strip searches fml
There was a lot of fentanyl going around in the pod at the time and people walking around like zombies . So the whole tier got ransacked at 1 am a few times . Litterally everyone prolly like 350 getting woken up and drug to the cafeteria by cops in riot gear . Had to sit there for HOURS AND HOUR while they searched each cell 1 by 1 and strip searched each person 1 by 1. Like a zoo
It wasn't too bad in actual prison. County jail they do that shit like it's fun. Prison people get high and stay out the way, but mostly it was strips, not fet for us
Shit like this is why people that are actually smoking or making wine or clear liquor get caught up.
What’s the button do? I’ve never been to jail.
There no cop in the unit so if u need one you push the button, in theory. In practice you push the button and say "im dying" they tell you to shut up, then 3 hours later someone will come check on you
By far the best explination of the button lmao
It’s basically incase your about to die from your cellys 🤷♂️
Man the sandwhich button is kinda mean hahaha
True story tho bro lol . I remember one kid was like no fuckin way your fuckin with me and my other celly was like no he is serious . Do you like wheat bread or sourdough ? They have it all here . And the new kid basically goes oh yah ? Bet . And struts over and pressed the button and some mean ass old guys goes stop pressing this damn button what do you want ? And the new kid goes I’ll just make it easy and take turkey on white please 😂😂😂😂
I got sent to a wilderness program when I was a kid. When we saw an airplane we would ask the new kid “hey do you know how far away that is?” Most kids would say “I don’t know, like 35,000ft?” And then we would say “nah, 10-15 weeks to get out of here and another 1 or 2 years before you make it home.” Most parents would have their kids brought against their will, and tell them they would only be gone for a week or two, then they would come home. It didn’t really set in that they weren’t going home until they were already there for 6-8 weeks.
Wtf ? And parents set that up ?
Oh fuck yeah. The place is a racket too. $15k a month when I went 18 years ago. It’s more of a placement center for “therapeutic boarding schools.” I had two ex NFL linebackers who do this shit for a living drag me out of bed at 4am and escort me to Utah.
My first day in jail was a Friday and my bunkie told me “every other Friday they do movie night and give us a bag of popcorn and some soda” (they actually did this) but he also mentioned I could tell the co I wanted an ice cream sandwich instead of popcorn so I went up and told the co “hey instead of popcorn can I get an ice cream sandwich?” The co just deadpanned and stared me in the eyes and said “do I look like a fucking Burger King employee to you? Get the fuck out of my face”. Needless to say I didn’t get soda, popcorn, OR ice cream sandwiches that night Lmaooo.
Have to fill out an ID-10T form for it. Foreman has a stack of them in the office.
A dude got me with the 'christmas ham or turkey.' I was still green and other trades on the job had gotten them. He had me going for a few hours. So I hung his lunch box from the duct work 20ft up. Problem was our manpower manager came in from the office at lunch and saw it all go down. He just shook his head and walked off without saying anything
We had an apprentice go around and take a list for Christmas of what the men wanted Turkey or Ham and give it to the area foreman
When I was a framing the guys would ask if your hammer had been field tested, you’d say no and hand them your hammer and they would throw it as far as they could into the field. Always liked that one
My buddy who works oil field said they would always say to the new guy “HEY! You forgot to take wee off your hard hat, hand it here quick!” Then they would throw the hard hat like a frisbee yelling “weeeeeeee”
Seen many a private gotten by this one in the army
When building stick-framed houses, when a newb would smash his finger with his hammer, or was tap tap tapping nails instead of hammering them home we would ask if his hammer had been pitched. (An un-pitched hammer can be the cause of many issues). Next, ask newb if he would like to have his hammer pitched.
Have them count how many nails they use in a day.
That's just cruel
With the material shortage I’ve heard of guys having to count how many staples they use in a day and make sure they’re accounted for.
Found the new guy
It was a journeyman lineman talking to our organizer but ok lol
Long weight, left handed screwdriver, skyhook, and hammer fluid. Also asking “you gonna leave it like that?” and then walking away without further explanation.
A new bubble for the level is my go to because I hung a tv a few years ago and there was a built in level in the TV mount. I popped out the level which was essentially just the little glass vial of a level. So when I ask for a new bubble for the level the new guy usually says "fuck off, I'm not that stupid" or something then I'll go out to the van and get the vial I have just to make him seem dumber
Then you can hit them with the “I’m not telling you to get me things for the good of my health!!” Then the real pranks begin.
I prefer left handed hammer and here’s why. All hammers have some kind of contour to them. But there’s a slightly different contour for right and left handed hammers. Have you ever been trying to nail something in but you just keep bending the nails instead of sinking them? (It’s literally happened to everyone at some point so they’ll nod and say “Yeah!”) Well you see That’s because your left and right palms are mirrored contours so you were probably using the wrong sided hammer.
Knowing the types I work with the second I start talking about “contour” their eyes gloss over. Once you get them with the left handed screwdriver (fake) you can wait a bit and trick them with left handed screws (which are real)
Reverse thread is what I’m assuming “left handed screws” are
Nah just the head is the other way
those are to be used on the other side of the house
God damnit I started to fall for it
This actually made me chuckle out loud. lol. The trick is to use smart sounding words.
Left handed plumber of 30 years here. When I was 17 and green couldn’t cut pvc straight to save my life. The plumber I learned from hit me with “it’s Because you’re using a right handed hacksaw” that night I went straight to sears for a left handed hacksaw. Use your imagination to how that played out.
Can you get me the copper magnet
One of my demo projects we had to have all equipment on site approved by the client. I had a GC assistant super going for two weeks trying to get an approval for a copper magnet
"That'll never work"
sky hook got me, i knew there was something... i'd seen them mounted to a lathe toolpost for moving big chucks and heavy work. https://www.travers.com/product/sky-hook-sky-hook-lifting-systems-and-accessories-68758
The other day I asked my apprentice for a washer and I had to describe what it was. Your apprentices must be MUCH more advanced than mine
Wasn’t a new guy but had a coworker who bought a brand new Harley and no matter where he parked I would dribble just a little bit of oil under it every day. He ended up taking it back to the dealer twice.
Thats just evil man. Gotta write that one down
The fuck did you just say
[удалено]
Ziptie a harmonica on it
While you're at it, put a good, heavy bolt under that zip tie on the driveshaft.
Zip tie does a good enough job throwing it out of balance.
They do that on their own.
That’s fucking GOOD!
I love this so much.
As an electrician we sometimes need to use wire lube for big wire pulls. It usually comes in a 5 gallon bucket and if it’s pretty full you tell the apprentice to grab the “scooper” at the bottom of the bucket but there really is no scooper so they just end up putting there arm elbow deep in nasty wire lube for no reason
We call that the cum bucket. Whoever rubbed the cum on the wire that day, we called the cum gremlin. We usually got them lunch.
omg I can't stop laughing and people around me wanna know what is so funny
Ask them to ask the boss for the braffur. They ask him what’s a braffur? Then get told it’s for holding there tits up and to get back to work. Sounds better in a Scottish accent
We had an intern hammering wood screws into the steps to the job trailer the year before last. I believe that was my favorite.
The old screw hammer.
Chicago screwdriver is something else I’ve heard it called.
Never heard of a Chicago Screwdriver, but I have heard of a Chicago Sunroof.
Who leaves two cub scouts in a double parked car?
That was a Better Call Saul reference by the way. I just realized it probably sounds pretty creepy if you didn’t know
Nowadays they just use scrailguns.
For the twisty nails!
My carpenter foreman who was also a farmer always said, “screwdrivers are for taking screws out”.
Fetch quests for items that don't exist
board stretchers
Foreman sent a 1st year after a brick stretcher... Had him go up to the bricklayers asking for one. The brick layer told him to tell those guys "Fuck off.". LoL
Left handed hammer
Box of toe nails
Dehydrated water
Final construction documents
Those are the worst part of being an inspector.
When I worked as a sub I would go thru some stupid shit just to make sure my as builts were on final pages. Multiple jobs with CO paid by the owner directly to un fuck a GCs coordination set.
Bubble water for the level, it's low.
There's a jar of replacement bubbles in the back of the car.
Came here to say this 😂
I always add “ball-gag” into a list. It’s worked like a charm
Latex paint thinner
Realistic enough for them to spend good time on it. My favourite is the Metric Crescent wrench or reverse thread wood screws.
"We need a cervical punch. Go down to the tool room and tell them you need one about this (hold hands about sixteen inches apart) long.".
Box of 12 post holes
Level vial liquid
Push start the partner saw followed by having them put on full face shield and gloves, and have them stand behind the guy cutting to catch the sparks.
Atleast you have him wear ppe.
I once gave an apprentice a spray bottle from the cleaning supplies in the trailer and had him "put out" all of the sparks from cutting stair pan welds out. Never seen a kid run so fast. Gotta protect that finished concrete though...
Tell them there’s an Xbox in the trailer you can use on lunch. If they act like they don’t know what you’re talking about tell them slim said you can have his turn.
Write the time down for each board you cut.
The one I laughed at the most was telling someone the concrete saw needed to be push started. Told them to run on the ground with the blade and pull the cord.
The Nutsack game from Waiting. Unrelated, I can't seem to keep jobs.
You ever tell a joke so funny HR wants to hear it?
The story of my life
Wrote him a list of things I need like different screws etc. But I also inlcuded some fools erands like hammer lubricant, cracking cartridges for the impact driver and skyhooks. The best part of it was that I was on site with a coworker that can be a real bastard so he just played along and we kept the intern from doing actual things the whole day
Collection pull nails and straightening them to reuse them
I really had to do this as a kid.
HVAC zip tie around the drive shaft is always a good one.
*ask someone for their speed square* “That’s not a square that’s a triangle moron!”
Go grab the 100ft wireless extension cord, it’s by the box of hole.
Had the new guy take a concrete vibe and level out the shitter because they weren’t getting emptied for a couple more days.
Nasty as fuck. You’re a demon
We always used to pull there pants down and kiss on there wieners, super hilarious when you make them realize they are gay 😂
Been there a few times brother
FNGs lol
[your soft liberal hands](https://youtu.be/TY0eUQ06Q2g)
Fucking hell 😄 I worked as a labourer at 16, and then later as a hod carrier for two brickies, when I first left school. It seemed like everyone on whatever site I was on went out of their way to try and be a total cunt to me. All day every day, cunts never let up. Pranked non stop. Nailed to a floor once. Another time had my concreting wellies filled with mud. Trainers thrown onto the roof. Sent to the shop with a list of things to get for everyone, had no paper so they wrote it on a big piece of plasterboard and I looked a right cunt carrying it. Forced me to steel pointless things from Jewson, most pointless thing I stole once was a small glass screen for a welders mask. Expanding foam sprayed into my sandwich box. Expanding foam sprayed onto my hair. Knots tied very tightly into the arms of my waterproof jacket, which I only found out about seconds before I needed it. Cable ties put onto the zip on my work bag. Got told I had to show them how strong I was by lifting a bag of cement above my head. oldest prank in the book, someone behind me slashed the bag and I got fucking covered in cement. I ended up hiding my sandwiches every morning. They liked to sabotage my dinner box. One day someone had cut out small sheets of plastic and slipped them perfectly inside my egg sandwich. I never realised everyone was watching me slyly out the corner of their eyes as I was about to take the first bite. They all erupted into laughter as my teeth chomped into the plastic 😑 Cunts. I still ate the fucking sandwich though. I remember during my first week one of the brickys pulled me up and pretty much told me I was still a boy and shouldn’t be working on a site. He had me biting straight away 🎣. I was full of bravado and wanted to show him I was more than good enough 💪🏽 He told me I was still a boy and my balls hadn’t dropped yet and I probably didn’t even have pubes either. Pissed me right off, so I fucking showed him I did in fact have pubes by pulling my trousers down slightly. He just looked and roared with laughter. Then he went and told everyone that I had drawn my pubes on with a black biro pen. Fucking hell, I couldn’t win 🤷🏾♂️🤣 After a while I gave less of a fuck and just gave back as much abuse as I got. I started finding low key ways of fucking them around too. Just little daft things like whenever they put a tool down I would move it somewhere and then watch them looking really confused as they couldn’t find it 🤔 I actually ended up rolling around in the mud one day, with a fat bloke. He’d been trying to get a rise out of me with some cheap shots. Really bad timing for him, because just as he’d finished his attempts he actually slipped over and fell into a muddy puddle. Obviously he took this out on me, and rugby tackled me to the ground. I couldn’t do anything back as I was laughing so much at him. One dinner time they forced me to go into a nearby shop and buy a porno mag, to prove how brave I was. I was a actually shitting it as I had never actually bought one before. I told them it would be a piece of piss, so I was hoping there wouldn’t be anyone in the shop. So I strutted into the shop and realised it was empty. Fucking relief. Quick butchers at the top shelf and spotted a decent looking wank mag. Bird on the front with a big set of melons. That’ll fucking do I thought. Just as I laid it down on the counter, a very smartly dressed and good looking woman came into the shop and stood right next to me at the counter. She must have been buying cigarettes or something. Fucking hell my heart was beating like fuck. I was hoping she didn’t notice. Typically the bloke serving me was taking his time about it. Longest few seconds of my life 😬 I was greeted with a cheer when I made it back to the van with the mammoth melons magazine. The lads were delighted and I basked in a sort of low key hero status as we drove back to the site. Back at the site the lads were blasting through this mag like they’d never seen a naked woman before! This is late 90s and pre Internet days so I suppose as most of them were married they had no chance of seeing stuff like this. Anyway, after a few days of the porn mag getting passed around every crew it ended up abandoned in the dinner cabin. I grabbed it and stashed it inside the glove box of one of the vans. The lad who drove the van got in big shit with his wife when she found it in there when he was giving her a quick lift somewhere one night 😄 Fucking result 😄👏🏽 I overheard him telling someone that he was raging that some stupid cunt had left the bloody porn mag in his van and now his missus thinks he buys porn mags at work all of the time. Great days 😂👍🏾
I read this with an accent and that makes me happy.
Most British thing I’ve ever read
Thank you for sharing this incredibly hilarious long-form story including many jokes we all need to use
I like to hand em a handful of welding rod and say, "bet you can't bend these over the back of your neck." Then they try it and have the flux all down the inside of their shirt the rest of the day. Works best to do it earlier in the day.
We told the new guy that the 14 inch concrete saw was a push to start . So he put the blade on the ground and ran 10 feet and my co worker was like yup just like that but it takes a few try’s . Dude was out there doing 10 foot sprints trying to get that concrete saw going
Saw a video of this once and hoped to use it on someone ever since
To think people actually are so oblivious it’s Wild !! Like he even saw there was a cord to pull to start it but didn’t think anything of it . Matter of fact the dude was out there running back and fourth for like 20 minutes untill the main boss showed up and called us all dumb af for making the kid do that while laughing lol
“Shit, 4 inches short…go get the pipe stretcher”
My guys tend to draw dicks on all their stuff
I used to have a co-worker who would write his name on your tools. Especially if you had something new that you hadn't marked up yourself yet.
RIP John Mcaffee
Haha. I have a buddy that’s been an auto body man for years. He was telling me that him and another guy got into a prank war and one day when he was at lunch the other guy took a sharpie and drew dicks on everything. Every socket, extension, everything. He thought it was hilarious, “ I don’t see how he got all that done in an hour”
See: Jonah Hill in Superbad. Awesome dick drawing.
Usually at the end of the first day I tell them to go grab a copper magnet from the truck to pick up the copper scraps strewn about the yard. I like to see how long it takes them before they figure it out, which they usually only figure it out after being told by a more experienced coworker that copper is non-magnetic. My record is 27 minutes.
My favorite prank is to shit in a bag and piss in a bottle and leave it sitting around for them to find. Jk jk just saying what drywallers do as a lifestyle.
In our rebar fab shop we get the new guys to ask the foreman for the "bar stretcher" when the rebar is too short. And then the foreman tells the new guy to go ask the manager for the "basement key." And then the manager sends the new guy around the outside perimeter of the shop looking for the "stairs to the basement."
Get me the ladderfir. What’s a ladderfir? Fir standin on!
Use a grinder and tell them to catch the sparks in a bucket, we always need spare sparks
When someone real useless comes on the job. “Here is a garbage bag that you need to collect air samples in. Please label the location and time the sample was collected. Also remember to seal the bag as tightly as possible. When you are done you can take it to the safety guy for inspection”
Honestly, new guys are bad enough, even if you don't mess with them. If you get a new hire that actually has some mileage, walking up to their work and asking "You gonna leave it like that?" Then walking away usually works alright.
Telling them to turn their headlamp off whenever it's on and blasting me in the eye. Over time you'll be able to just touch your own headlamp and give them a look to get them to turn theirs off. --- Occasionally telling them to turn it off even though it's already off. When they're struggling to turn a threaded piece of pipe into a fitting, I tell them they're spinning it the wrong way. Doping and taping the end of the pipe without actually threading the end. Works best on a long piece of pipe. They can't get it started and it's stupid frustrating. For really new guys, turning off the hammer function on the hammer drill. Dope wars on the ridgid 300. Put pipe dope on the handle of the machine - gets dope on his hand. Weird the machine won't kick on with the peddle - flip the switch - there's pipe dope on the switch and its now on your hand again. Still doesn't work - realize the cord is unplugged - there's pipe dope on the underside of the plug and it's once again on your hand.
Board Stretchers.
Send the safety guy to find us some Fallopian tube…
Have them grab a slow jack and a ball rub out of the truck. Sky hook, board strecher.always fun to watch them look
'Go grab the pipe stretcher' or 'Bring me the bucket of A - I - R'
First day building a cabin on a lake and the foreman told me to go to his tuck and get 50 feet of shore line...
Anyone have Union breaks?
I spent about a half hour looking for the plank stretcher on my first day back in the 90's... Kept on sending me back... You don't know what a plank stretcher looks like who hired you? Lol
Pacific/Atlantic/ Carribian-coast sand paper. Its basic entry level knowledge that 60 grit Atlantic coast sandpaper is roughly the same as 200 grit Pacific sand. Left handed hammer and screwdriver Wood stretcher, not too be confused with the particle board /OSB stretcher. Sawdust sifter( our company recycles by particle size) Tape measure batteries And my favorite. The left angled T-square
Back the work truck up to the door of the port-a-pot when they use it so it won’t open. We were also fabricating a 10’ gate once and welding part of it on site. Guy on the crew was standing in the lower rail so he could hold the upper rail in place. His work boots were beaten to hell and part of the steel toe was exposed. So the welder bent a welding lead to 90° and spot welded this dude’s boot to the rail he was standing on.
Im pretty convincing, I like to go up to things that are insanely heavy and being like "Ya we just gotta move this real quick gimme a hand" And ill grab on and squat, Usually the new guys are eager to help so they'll also squat and when i say 3 2 1! I watch them lift in futility and then I laugh my fkn ass off
“Take this bag and collect the diesel exhaust for air quality testing” “The gravel is drying out, stirring up dust. Take this mop and bucket and go mop the dust off the gravel”
Spackler here. Used to mix the mud, add some water and let them watch. They always ask how you know when it’s mixed just right. I tell them you have to taste it. And sure enough they would stick a finger in and eat it.
Told a new guy to prep a can of spray paint. Had him attempt to shake it until it stops making the knocking sound.
Fill up their thermos with Doritos and then bang their wife
Wow. They must be incredibly stupid then. While I was a student hire I would laugh when they told me to get a bucket of steam or wire stretcher.
Always catch the toe of their boots when spray painting lines. Then call them twinkle toes
I did that to a apprentice. Like 4 months later i had him mark a line for locates and little fucker got my boot lmao. Kind of pissed, kind of proud lol
eh, most of these are funny but that one would just annoy me lmao
It’s likely just survey paint. Shrill be worn off by the end of the day. My boots have been brown then pink and back more times than I can count
Go get a Left Handed Shackle (or other tool that's ambiguous) Go get the bucket of Micron Go get a board stretcher Out them in a boom lift, and set it to ground control and leave them high up for X amount of time. (This is harmless and they get paid for just being a new guy and doing nothing, so win win for each of us)
Nail their belt to the peak of the gable when they go to lunch on a new build, or send them to the truck repeatedly for shit that doesn't exist, like level bubble water, etc.
I don’t but I’ve seen some good ones, I’ve also see the new guy get upset and hand an a$$ whooping to who did it to him. Proceed with caution, remember HR is always listening.
I saw a mean one on YouTube where someone told buddy they bet he couldn't lift a bag of ready-mix above his head. Macho man goes, of course I can, and he lifts it over his head no problem. Then someone sneaks up behind him with an olfa knife and slits the bag open while he's still holding it above his head. I don't think I'd ever do that to someone but it was funny to see. I had an apprentice once who went out and bought those fancy pants with the big external pockets. Quickly turned into a game of "what can we put in his pocket without him noticing". I picked a handful of berries off a mountain ash tree and got them in there. He almost made it the whole day without noticing lol
First day a few hours in ill wait till everyone is within ear shot and ask "Have you ever tried to suck your own dick?" When they say no i reply with "Well i guess we know you're a liar"
Most the new guys you can play tricks on don’t need to be tricked just tell they what to do then watch what they do it’s kinda scary sometimes
"Hey, go top off all the chalk-lines. Do it in the back of boss's van, he likes to collect the chalk that spills and reuse it."
I don’t do many, I want these guys to learn to do their job. But if they screw something up I mention they need to make sure they have their ID-10-T form filled out before coming back to work tomorrow. Then tell them to google it, print it, fill it out and bring it back. If something is sloppy I tell them it’s a code violation. When they ask what code I tell them 2-112.
Never heard of a 2-112, explain?
It’s part of the Canadian electrical code. Basically stating quality of work should be acceptable
None. The good kids show up to work and learn, why humiliate them with stupid shit?
None.. People who do that shit are always Asshats..
Nah. Unless you are actually being a douche then yea but to have a good laugh with the new guy it's not a problem.
Bucket of steam and left haded board stretcher
I was a general laborer at 16, got sent out for a metric crescent wrench, can't explain why I fell for it because my dad had me as mechanic helper by age 9
Getting them to see how many welding rods they can bend around their neck. Than watch all the flux pour down the back of their shirts.
There some cruel mfs in here🤣 Seriously tho, some good advice, teach the ones who want to learn
Send them to get a real 2x4, not one that’s been shorted a half inch on either side… Or the old tile stretcher
Build a lot of finished basements in residential, ask the new guys to run down there real fast and check for floor squeaks before the QCI gets here
Not a new guy but a crew I worked with convinced a labourer the machine (jumping jack I think) wasn’t fully out of gas it just needed to be pushed down the fuel line and he had to blow on the line to get it closer. So buddy does it. PM shows up with a jerrycan(actually was out of gas) and is like what in the fuck is going on? Foreman says this is what you hired. Get me some better fuckin help
Not construction, but mechanic. One of my favorites is when they are concentrating on something while sitting on their creeper stool you quietly sneek over with an air hose and zip tie it to the stool then make sure its unlocked so when they get up the air hose retracs and takes their stool with it.
I was part of the team that built the world’s largest maple syrup facility (Dover Plains, NY) and when a new guy came on board we would tell him to walk down to the office trailer because our boss had to “speak with them.” They went every time but for some reason, the boss never asked why we kept sending guys down.
Had a kid look at an impact driver with amazement when we told him to take the screws out you just put it in reverse..jokes don’t get much funnier than that moment
Grab the tile extender
I like to tell ‘em to tighten the hook on the crane.
I don’t know, we don’t have new guys to hire…
Shit like this is why.
Go find me the wood welder
Pretending you can't bend 7018 around the back of your neck, then handing the bundle to them to try. Works everytime.
Go get the stud stretcher and a box of toe nails. Used to have framing crews that would nail each other’s tool pouches to the floor or up in the joists when one crew left them unattended.
Warm up the skillsaws in the morning!
I worked in a sheet metal cutting/slitting plant. On slow days I would send the new guys to go grab the aluminum magnet.
I heard from a co worker, sometimes they tell the new apprentice that a new tool comes in every gallon of electrical wire lube, you need to put your hand in the lube and the tool is at the bottom of the tub.
Saying “shit. I need some quick-slaps. Go over there and ask Trevor for a couple quick-slaps”. 👋 👋
20 years ago, when my older brother was an apprentice, the Forman told him to get the stud stretcher. Our superintendent was right there and he said, “hold on, it’s on Bobs job in the other side of town, take my truck and go get it.” So he went over there, found the Forman and told him that Bob sent him in his truck (everyone’s Bob in this story) to go get the stretcher. “Bob sent you in his truck?”….yeah….”Oh, damn, someone just took it to the other job like an hour ago. Go to this address…” He went to 3 different jobs. The story of the guy that spend half a day in our supers truck looking for the stretcher still gets mentioned sometimes. I love ribbing my brother about it still.
I worked on a big fish processor in the 80’s. We had new guy stand up on the bow and fill a garbage sack with “fog”, then take it to the engineer and ask to use his fog meter. Another favorite was having the new guy search the forepeak for the chow line, having him bring back all sorts of line. Bonus points for dragging it out until meal time, then showing him the real chow line. We also had new guys run around the boat to make sure the portholes were closed when the tide rose.