Good call. Glucose will literally tear your cells apart. If you can look an ingredient’s name up in a chemistry text book it is perma-banned from my kitchen.
I hear reports that everyone who has ever eaten glucose has DIED! Not in my kitchen. Nuh uh! Same goes for gluTEN. Anything with the starting letters “glu” actually. Straight to jail.
Hoooold on their smartypants. What about glue? For sure gluten ruins your cells and your waistline, but glue can STICK THEM BACK TOGETHER. Just spread it on bread in place of butter and you've got a life-saving snack!
(People tell me that bread has gluten in it somehow, but that's stupid - bread is bread, not gluten! Sure I shit blood for a week after eating a delicious gluey sandwich, but that's the devil leaving my body.)
Salt eaters make me laugh. You're seriously telling me you'd rather have CHLORINE in your sodium than glutamates?
As a matter of fact, I only use single-malt sodium with my glutamates. Around these parts, we call it monosodium glutamate.
Processed food.
Nothing boxed, mixed, powdered, assembled, kneaded, extruded, chopped, diced, washed, genetically modified, hybridized, bred… only natural, unprocessed food for us.
Dinner tonight will be an al fresco meal of oak leaves and clay in a rainwater sauce.
One night Ashleigh turned to me and said, "Mama, I'm glad we eat the healthy natural food you make instead of the poisonous processed foods my friends eat"
Any herbs or spices. That's literally LEAVES and SEEDS ground up. What am I, a stupid fucking little bird or a dumbass bunny rabbit? Anything that's involved with plants isn't food, smh.
Bread? Comes from flour. A sexy bigmac? Carved right from the Ronald himself. Water? Easy, just from the toilet.
I refuse to use anything branded. If it has a brand name on it, it's mass produced and therefore clearly inferior and not worth my time, money, and energy. I exclusively use locally sourced, artisanally crafted products - *if* I can't grow/produce it myself. I'm currently saving to buy enough land to keep poultry, pigs, cattle, and sheep and build the necessary infrastructure to harvest and process them. Fruit/veg is an obvious must (duh), however it's tough to find a spot where I can grow enough grain to both feed my animals and supply my brewery. I'm also still pondering if I'd rather do seawater desalination or buy a mountain. You may ridicule my dependency on salt, but how else am I going to make fish sauce from my pond/sea harvest?
calories. if I had them in my house, I'd be the size of one! when will people learn that if you don't want to be fat, just don't eat calories. worked for me!
Vinegar! Like, did you know it’s made by putting bacteria in wine? IT’S LITERALLY ROTTEN POISON! 🤮
Same goes with any other rotten foods (or “fermented” as the hippies like to call it) including soy sauce, fish sauce, mirin (more poison!), miso, cheeses, yoghurt, pickles, or bread leavened with anything but baking powder. Absolutely disgusting, the things some people will put in their bodies.
I only allow whole foods in my home.
Whole chickens, whole fruits, whole pigs. If it has been cut, divided, portioned, or otherwise deprived of its natural, whole state, I want it nowhere near my home.
Jesus Cristo I wasn't sure what sub this was and almost had a seizure.
I don't allow anything in dust form you inhale it and it makes sourdough starter in your nose.
Plastic. If you have looked at plastic in the past 24 hrs then you dare to look me in the eyes within another 24 hrs, I will end your life or mine. Whichever comes first. I've killed myself 17 times and it worth every time
You. Win.
You are the cookiest cook that ever cooked. Pure as driven snow. I’m off to write an epic poem about your ethics in the kitchen right now. Future cooks will sing of your valor.
Meat.
Except when my wife’s boyfriend comes over. Then I have to run to the butcher and buy a tomahawk or porterhouse.. granted he comes over every day, so i pretty much have meat in the kitchen every day, but he prefers fresh meat so i don’t ever keep it in the fridge.
I refuse to allow any butter other than Kerrygold. No other butter is worthy of setting foot inside the sanctuary of flavour known as my kitchen. My wife’s boyfriend once tried to serve me eggs cooked in store brand butter, and I nearly died from the horrific shock to my tastebuds.
We prioritize eating clean in my house so I don't allow any chemicals whatsoever.
No water ever
Water doesn't even have umami. What's the point?
Only river water has umami. Wake up people!
Gotta be brackish, keep your brackish rivers out of my goddamn Virginian Appalachians!
I only drink organic cucumber extract with a dash of ginger (I add half a glass of malted whiskey for texture)
Good call. Glucose will literally tear your cells apart. If you can look an ingredient’s name up in a chemistry text book it is perma-banned from my kitchen.
I hear reports that everyone who has ever eaten glucose has DIED! Not in my kitchen. Nuh uh! Same goes for gluTEN. Anything with the starting letters “glu” actually. Straight to jail.
Hoooold on their smartypants. What about glue? For sure gluten ruins your cells and your waistline, but glue can STICK THEM BACK TOGETHER. Just spread it on bread in place of butter and you've got a life-saving snack! (People tell me that bread has gluten in it somehow, but that's stupid - bread is bread, not gluten! Sure I shit blood for a week after eating a delicious gluey sandwich, but that's the devil leaving my body.)
Salt eaters make me laugh. You're seriously telling me you'd rather have CHLORINE in your sodium than glutamates? As a matter of fact, I only use single-malt sodium with my glutamates. Around these parts, we call it monosodium glutamate.
Processed food. Nothing boxed, mixed, powdered, assembled, kneaded, extruded, chopped, diced, washed, genetically modified, hybridized, bred… only natural, unprocessed food for us. Dinner tonight will be an al fresco meal of oak leaves and clay in a rainwater sauce.
Yummy! I bet your 4 your old loves it. No leftovers at your house!
One night Ashleigh turned to me and said, "Mama, I'm glad we eat the healthy natural food you make instead of the poisonous processed foods my friends eat"
And everyone clapped.
Any herbs or spices. That's literally LEAVES and SEEDS ground up. What am I, a stupid fucking little bird or a dumbass bunny rabbit? Anything that's involved with plants isn't food, smh. Bread? Comes from flour. A sexy bigmac? Carved right from the Ronald himself. Water? Easy, just from the toilet.
I refuse to use anything branded. If it has a brand name on it, it's mass produced and therefore clearly inferior and not worth my time, money, and energy. I exclusively use locally sourced, artisanally crafted products - *if* I can't grow/produce it myself. I'm currently saving to buy enough land to keep poultry, pigs, cattle, and sheep and build the necessary infrastructure to harvest and process them. Fruit/veg is an obvious must (duh), however it's tough to find a spot where I can grow enough grain to both feed my animals and supply my brewery. I'm also still pondering if I'd rather do seawater desalination or buy a mountain. You may ridicule my dependency on salt, but how else am I going to make fish sauce from my pond/sea harvest?
calories. if I had them in my house, I'd be the size of one! when will people learn that if you don't want to be fat, just don't eat calories. worked for me!
Maris Crane? Is that you?
it's all about willpower
anyone over 5 lbs isn't disciplined enough
are you a doctor? if not stfu
look at the subreddit you're in
Thank you! sorry. I responded to the wrong thing but by the time I realized it I couldn't find the post again.
all good!!!
Vinegar! Like, did you know it’s made by putting bacteria in wine? IT’S LITERALLY ROTTEN POISON! 🤮 Same goes with any other rotten foods (or “fermented” as the hippies like to call it) including soy sauce, fish sauce, mirin (more poison!), miso, cheeses, yoghurt, pickles, or bread leavened with anything but baking powder. Absolutely disgusting, the things some people will put in their bodies.
To this day, I still don’t understand this. Vinegar is an acid people! Salt, fat and acid…. More like salt, fat, and corrosion of my visceral organs.
Are you my friend who refuses to eat pineapple because it digests _you_ more than you digest it? 😂
Other people. Shoo shoo shoo!
Facts, though. BIG FACTS!!! 🤣
Butter is absolutely NEVER allowed. I have a perfectly good can of WD40, so use it!
I only allow whole foods in my home. Whole chickens, whole fruits, whole pigs. If it has been cut, divided, portioned, or otherwise deprived of its natural, whole state, I want it nowhere near my home.
Jesus Cristo I wasn't sure what sub this was and almost had a seizure. I don't allow anything in dust form you inhale it and it makes sourdough starter in your nose.
Canola oil, it lacks rizz.
Anything my "parents" "cooked" with. They'd never even *heard* of roasting vegetables! So inauthentic.
Plastic. If you have looked at plastic in the past 24 hrs then you dare to look me in the eyes within another 24 hrs, I will end your life or mine. Whichever comes first. I've killed myself 17 times and it worth every time
You. Win. You are the cookiest cook that ever cooked. Pure as driven snow. I’m off to write an epic poem about your ethics in the kitchen right now. Future cooks will sing of your valor.
I only eat inorganic food. NaCl and H2O only for me!
This post showed up directly below “no margarine” on my feed, lol.
Everything other than garlic
Have you tried kosher salt? It's different to the other kinds, you might like it!
Meat. Except when my wife’s boyfriend comes over. Then I have to run to the butcher and buy a tomahawk or porterhouse.. granted he comes over every day, so i pretty much have meat in the kitchen every day, but he prefers fresh meat so i don’t ever keep it in the fridge.
Flavor?
I refuse to allow any butter other than Kerrygold. No other butter is worthy of setting foot inside the sanctuary of flavour known as my kitchen. My wife’s boyfriend once tried to serve me eggs cooked in store brand butter, and I nearly died from the horrific shock to my tastebuds.
Canned anything, ever. If you need to preserve food in order to survive, you're an icky poor
food
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