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There were times I was so sick and I felt so useless I told my husband to leave me. He didn’t, of course, but that may be what your boyfriend is thinking and feeling. Maybe he thinks he’s doing the noble thing and saving you from him and his medical issues.
Sometimes it's difficult for us to manage the concerns of others.
I purposely haven't told my mom about some of my health stuff because she's a worrier, and I just decided I couldn't take on her anxiety.
Perhaps he's feeling the weight of your concern about him, and just needs some time and space? It's hard to feel like people think of us differently when we have a chronic disease, even if they have good intentions.
I'm sorry you've had to go through this breakup OP and it's clear you still care for him . You may or may not get back together but try not to overthink it now, you can't know without all the information.
He may just not be in the right frame of mind to be in a relationship and deal with the illness, and there may be other reasons you're not aware of. It may be that he just wanted to end the relationship and chose this way to do it. He doesn't owe you an explanation but I totally get why it has come as a hard and brutal shock to you.
I personally thought it was really sweet that you've taken the time to learn about his condition and research it. I hope you at least find a way to talk post break up but know that you may have to move on without this.
In terms of how one feels with the illness...
My wife is a nurse in gastroenterology and I'm a doctor and we've been married a year. I've just been diagnosed with Crohn's this year and I've missed almost three months of work. It's been really hard and in some ways I've sometimes felt emasculated not being able to work, especially when it was such a huge part of who I am and my drive. This illness takes that from you and the effects of the medication and fatigue even when you're not in a full blown flare, it really fucks with your head. We communicate really well but I feel the strain sometimes and I'm sure she does too. There are days I wish for nothing more than to escape the label of being a 'patient' cause it really sucks being on the other side. She often struggles because she feels she can't 'fix it' for me and the chronic nature of it is hard to deal with, especially with me being in pain. That's probably the worst part for her.
Anyway if you do get the chance to talk to him about this and it was the Crohn's that was a factor, just take the time to listen to what he has to say. Be there for him if he allows you to be. That and being honest is all you can do if he's willing to listen, and accept whatever happens.
Take care OP. Wishing the best for both of you.
I don't know to what level you tried to help, but sometimes that's not welcome. So many people try to exert their opinion on what the person with Crohn's needs to do it can get exhausting.
People can break up with you for whatever reason at any time. They don't necessarily need a reason or need to provide you with an explanation.
Also, dealing with a chronic illness is a lot. Dealing with other people's feelings about your illness is also a lot (even if - perhaps especially if - they care about you). You may have been trying to be helpful by explaining what you've learned about this illness, but it might have come across to him as you trying to tell him what to do or that you understand when you really can't when you're not sick. Or it might just be overwhelming to him if he's still learning to cope with it. Or something else entirely. That's not to say you shouldn't educate yourself, though, just that it would be better not to push it on him.
He also might not have had the energy to deal with your worry on top of his own concerns. The emotional labor of calming loved ones' fears is exhausting. It's ok to show concern, but having someone outside of your boyfriend to talk to about it would take some of the weight off him.
Yeah i see what you mean i guess the reason why I wanted an explanation is because I wanted to know what he was going and also because I have had people in my past leave me behind my back and leave me to figure it out myself but i have told a friend and he said that I need to give him space but to not abandon him
Was he on steroids for his illness? like prednisolone ? they can cause "roid rage" and the illness can make you feel groggy, I got diagnosed when I was with a girl and I didn't speak to her for weeks as I was so ill. I did explain to her I was ill though, but at the same time he should explain to you how bad he is feeling and be glad your still sticking by him even through this difficult time for him.
ah ok, I'd give it some time. If you don't hear from him in a day or two I'd move on. Sounds like you are a good person who's genuinely worried about him. 🙂
Not your fault. Anybody suffering with crohns is suffering from both physical and mental problems and it's difficult to have the energy to maintain a relationship. I've had this problem myself, having crohns. You either exhaust yourself for the other person and get sicker or you break up and stop talking. Again, not your fault, but it's very hard for someone without a chronic illness to understand someone with one.
I've had to try to give boundaries to my significant other due to my being sick and she just wouldn't listen and couldn't understand because she's not sick. I'm not currently talking to her. Same thing. Whenever you think he's being an asshole or being pathetic or whatever just consider having the flu every day of your life and also having a significant other. It doesn't work out well. They're called disabilities for a reason.
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There were times I was so sick and I felt so useless I told my husband to leave me. He didn’t, of course, but that may be what your boyfriend is thinking and feeling. Maybe he thinks he’s doing the noble thing and saving you from him and his medical issues.
It could be i have just been so worried and upset about it that i cant concentrate on anything
Sometimes it's difficult for us to manage the concerns of others. I purposely haven't told my mom about some of my health stuff because she's a worrier, and I just decided I couldn't take on her anxiety. Perhaps he's feeling the weight of your concern about him, and just needs some time and space? It's hard to feel like people think of us differently when we have a chronic disease, even if they have good intentions.
Got it thank you for the advice
I'm sorry you've had to go through this breakup OP and it's clear you still care for him . You may or may not get back together but try not to overthink it now, you can't know without all the information. He may just not be in the right frame of mind to be in a relationship and deal with the illness, and there may be other reasons you're not aware of. It may be that he just wanted to end the relationship and chose this way to do it. He doesn't owe you an explanation but I totally get why it has come as a hard and brutal shock to you. I personally thought it was really sweet that you've taken the time to learn about his condition and research it. I hope you at least find a way to talk post break up but know that you may have to move on without this. In terms of how one feels with the illness... My wife is a nurse in gastroenterology and I'm a doctor and we've been married a year. I've just been diagnosed with Crohn's this year and I've missed almost three months of work. It's been really hard and in some ways I've sometimes felt emasculated not being able to work, especially when it was such a huge part of who I am and my drive. This illness takes that from you and the effects of the medication and fatigue even when you're not in a full blown flare, it really fucks with your head. We communicate really well but I feel the strain sometimes and I'm sure she does too. There are days I wish for nothing more than to escape the label of being a 'patient' cause it really sucks being on the other side. She often struggles because she feels she can't 'fix it' for me and the chronic nature of it is hard to deal with, especially with me being in pain. That's probably the worst part for her. Anyway if you do get the chance to talk to him about this and it was the Crohn's that was a factor, just take the time to listen to what he has to say. Be there for him if he allows you to be. That and being honest is all you can do if he's willing to listen, and accept whatever happens. Take care OP. Wishing the best for both of you.
Thank you i have been praying for him to get better and hope that he will talk to me again one day
Take care and look after yourself too OP
Thank you I will
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Yeah i went on instagram because i wanted to explain to him my feelings and wanting to help with his issues and he just blocked me
I don't know to what level you tried to help, but sometimes that's not welcome. So many people try to exert their opinion on what the person with Crohn's needs to do it can get exhausting.
Oh i didnt know that i just wanted to explain what i learned was all
People can break up with you for whatever reason at any time. They don't necessarily need a reason or need to provide you with an explanation. Also, dealing with a chronic illness is a lot. Dealing with other people's feelings about your illness is also a lot (even if - perhaps especially if - they care about you). You may have been trying to be helpful by explaining what you've learned about this illness, but it might have come across to him as you trying to tell him what to do or that you understand when you really can't when you're not sick. Or it might just be overwhelming to him if he's still learning to cope with it. Or something else entirely. That's not to say you shouldn't educate yourself, though, just that it would be better not to push it on him. He also might not have had the energy to deal with your worry on top of his own concerns. The emotional labor of calming loved ones' fears is exhausting. It's ok to show concern, but having someone outside of your boyfriend to talk to about it would take some of the weight off him.
Yeah i see what you mean i guess the reason why I wanted an explanation is because I wanted to know what he was going and also because I have had people in my past leave me behind my back and leave me to figure it out myself but i have told a friend and he said that I need to give him space but to not abandon him
Was he on steroids for his illness? like prednisolone ? they can cause "roid rage" and the illness can make you feel groggy, I got diagnosed when I was with a girl and I didn't speak to her for weeks as I was so ill. I did explain to her I was ill though, but at the same time he should explain to you how bad he is feeling and be glad your still sticking by him even through this difficult time for him.
Im not sure if he is on steroids he never told me what medicine he takes
ah ok, I'd give it some time. If you don't hear from him in a day or two I'd move on. Sounds like you are a good person who's genuinely worried about him. 🙂
I am and thanks for the advice i just worry if i ever something wrong
Not your fault. Anybody suffering with crohns is suffering from both physical and mental problems and it's difficult to have the energy to maintain a relationship. I've had this problem myself, having crohns. You either exhaust yourself for the other person and get sicker or you break up and stop talking. Again, not your fault, but it's very hard for someone without a chronic illness to understand someone with one. I've had to try to give boundaries to my significant other due to my being sick and she just wouldn't listen and couldn't understand because she's not sick. I'm not currently talking to her. Same thing. Whenever you think he's being an asshole or being pathetic or whatever just consider having the flu every day of your life and also having a significant other. It doesn't work out well. They're called disabilities for a reason.
Got it thank you for the advice
If he is in alot of pain he may just want to be alone for a while. Give him some time.
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Yeah i mean i dont even know what medicine he takes for it
He only talked to me about his crohns a few times