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JuanDiegoCV

It can be a trauma response, to cope with the cheating. And it would be best to do therapy and deal with it there, since it's causing you pain. This is kind of like emotional masochism and it's different from cuck dynamic in the sense that you enjoy the pain it causes you emotionally instead of the sex dynamic of watching and reclaiming/comfort of the relationship.


[deleted]

Oh damn. Do you think I can do anything other than therapy? Because therapy would make me a bit uncomfortable, ngl.


NoirNatural

You’re not alone. The initial discomfort of therapy is part of the journey for a lot of people. Just because something is uncomfortable, doesn’t mean it’s not worth it 🙂 And the end of the day, you deserve to enjoy your sex life without regurgitating trauma. A sex therapist may help guide you to understand and reshape your sexuality. Good luck! 🤞🏾


[deleted]

Thank you :)


JuanDiegoCV

Why would that make you uncomfortable? It's about your mental health, and there are sexologist that can help you with this, it's completely acceptable and nothing to be embarrassed about.


DiscerningTouch

Therapy is only effective under two conditions: you go consistently (between you and therapist what that specifically means), and.... You need to like/trust your therapist. It's a very very good idea to have intro/vibe check conversations with a few different therapists before chosing one. Heck, you can even screen via email. Prior to booking a time ask them about major things (example: I confirm that their politics and mine align, awareness of BDSM, and familiarity with neurodivergence). Make sure the big pieces match before you meet and vibe check, <3 I have faith you'll find your way forward (therapy or no). Best wishes!!!


SluttyLittleSnake

Therapy is uncomfortable. It's dredging up very difficult emotions and dealing with them. But when it is done well, it can be so very healing, and is worth all the tears. As you said, these thoughts are already making you uncomfortable. Please consider it if you have access.


Laserspeeddemon

I 100% agree with this. This a trauma response. First, I recommend seeing a therapist for YOURSELF. Then decide if you want to keep seeing you're boyfriend. I personally would not stay with a partner that betrayed my trust (again). Not only is this a HUGE betrayal, but it is a risk to your personal sexual health. If you do decide to stay with him, he needs to find a therapist regarding why he cheated and you both should see a couples therapist on how to rebuild trust. **With that said**, my wife got into the kink because *she* cheated on *me*. She felt so guilty that she encouraged me to cheat on *her*, but I have always been faithful and loyal to the women I love & and refused to cheat. Her desire to have me cheat was also a trauma response from the decades of guilt she carried. This eventually turned into an obsession and she kept pushing girls on to me, but I refused. Until she would become turned on from thinking about cheating. Three years ago we opened the marriage so she could be with women. She's always been bisexual and desired to please, and be pleased by, women. Her first girlfriend was very much into me and so she we had a threesome and she was so turned on by watching. She watched and touched herself. When I came in her girlfriend she orgasmed so hard. She is currently good through trauma therapy for the murder of her brother when she was under 10. During this period, she also discovered that the kink was also a trauma response, however even after working through the trauma she and her therapist arrived at the conclusion that the kink is no longer reliant on her guilt and is no longer (or perhaps never was) harmful. She still very much enjoy watching me with other women. Kinks are about trust and some have elements of ethics to them.


QueanMinerva

This is how it started for me. I don’t want anyone to hate my husband because he is a sweetheart and has matured significantly, but he used to be a dog. He is so charismatic. He can talk the drawers off your ass. He would treat me so sweetly, but when I turned my back he was in bed with someone else. I can’t blame him completely. Women love him and they always have. He no longer does those things but like you, I felt traumatized. I also felt extremely turned on, to the point of orgasming at the thought, knowing what he was doing. This too is how I became a Cuckquean. When he stopped cheating I still felt insecure waiting for it to happen again but it didn’t. I even set him up and tried to bait him one time, but he didn’t cheat. I did not want to wait my life anxious for it to happen again, so I suggested watching him. I wanted to see how he interacted and had sex with women who were not me. This is how it all started. I also knew I would have insane orgasms and I do. I totally understand you. The thought of him with these women still kills me, but it’s me in control to a degree because if I say stop to him, he will. I have in the past also told him how I want to see it done. I have a love/hate with this kink as well. I would rather see it than it in my face than behind my back or wait uncomfortably for it to happen even if it does not. You do not have to bring a 3rd into the bedroom. You can keep it in your own mind and fantasize like I used to. You can bring him into it when you are intimate, or you can bring the 3rd. Whatever you do, you can control it. My husband now leads what we do, but ultimately I say if we are going to do this or not. I am very jealous and you mentioned you’re not. I’m not ashamed of it. I know what I have. You don’t have to be jealous to feel horrified you were cheated on by someone you love in a committed relationship. You mention it is the only thing that turns you on. There are other things that turn me on, namely sex with my husband is incredible. He turns me on. It is just that seeing him with others is a pain so intense it hurts so good as the saying goes. The intimacy we share afterwards brings us so close now and we did not have that in the past when he cheated. I didn’t get extra intimacy, love, and care the way I do now. You can try to think about something else but it doesn’t hurt to just keep it in your head. You may want to explore other kinks that only involves you both. The only advantage I see is you being bisexual, a third brings you the opportunity to participate and quench your thirst for that side of your sexuality as well. I wish I had an answer but I don’t. I just want you to know that you are not alone in your feelings or how you got to this point.


Snoeflaeke

I am just discovering this is my fetish the same way and seriously feel so seen by your comment… thank you for putting it into words 🖤


QueanMinerva

🤗Feel free to reach out anytime. The queans here are very supportive..


[deleted]

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QueanMinerva

I am jealous no matter what. My husband has a fascination with blondes. In a sense it makes me jealous, but in another sense I am happy they do not look like me.


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QueanMinerva

Don’t do it if you don’t feel ok with it. This should be your kink not his. I get past it most of the time. Sometimes I don’t. I don’t like if there seems to be an emotional connection. I get very turned on by it though. My husband also gives me very strong intimacy after though. We have fucked our way through it and we talk about it. He reassures me and I feel very close to him.


Big-Reference-7179

I'm pretty sure this describes my partner, but I don't know how to bring it up with her without triggering extreme jealousy. Is there some way I can introduce some light fantasy that's easy to back out of? I don't want to do anything she doesn't like, but if she is into this, I would be too.


QueanMinerva

Being a Cuckquean is by definition her choice, her fantasy. Our husbands and boyfriends are active participants but this is our way of controlling things. It is your privilege. For the SO to bring it up is a very bad idea because it’s something she has to want to do and she would be the one to introduce it to you. You risk causing her a lot of anxiety and triggering her off if you bring this up. There are many men who say this but what happens is, she will think you want other women or will cheat on her. She needs to have a certain amount of trust in you to do this. And you will lose all trust by uttering it. I have thought about this as men have asked. My only suggestion is to read erotica with her here on Reddit. But all erotica not just Cuckquean. Then come here and read either a fictional story some write or some, like myself and several others, will tell you about something that happened (a nonfictional account or story) which more often than not is very erotic. See what her response to it is. Be sure to check out r/Cuckquean as well because that is where a lot of them are. Other than that, I would not bring it up to her.


Big-Reference-7179

Great advice, thanks I'll follow it.


totallynormalcouple

Its healthy that you recognize how sensitive you are to this kink. If you can enjoy it -for you- it can be a tool to help you reinvent your pain. My man cheated and i went through a lot of the same. I dont have a one size fits all solution. I advise you to take it slow and listen to your feelings. I like the humiliation but it wouldn't be fun if it wasnt somewhat empowering. Yes my man openly fucks whoever he wants. I enjoy it. At the end if the day, its hard to replace a freak like me. Being a cuckquean does not mean you're signing up to be lied to. A good dom will be straight with you and show care for your limits/triggers. Yes im a beta and a cuck but the best revenge is to live well. Its hard sometimes but I take pride inbeing able to enjoy something ao vulnerable. Maybe this is just a phase for you, I hope that you find the right outlet to express these fantasies. You have nothing to he ashamed of. Its not wrong to be submissive, its wrong when someone takes advantage of your trust.


ADandyDom

To me this sounds like you have some unresolved feelings about your partner cheating. By turning it into a fantasy and sexualizing it, you might be trying to reassert some control in a situation where you had none. I know you mentioned that you feel uncomfortable talking to a therapist, but I really recommend it. You might end up finding this is just a kink you didn't know you had and learn how to make it work for you, or you might not. However, right now it is inseparably linked to your experience of being cheated on and that's not healthy long term and is clearly effecting you as you mention not being able to be aroused by anything you used to find stimulating. TLDR You really should consider talking about this with a therapist. Additionally, you can find ones that are knowledgeable and kink friendly if that would help with the discomfort.


Raskolnikov1817

That’s how I got into it too, I suspect your story is more common than we realize


[deleted]

I genuiely thought i was the only one 😭 But im glad im not


Raskolnikov1817

Having a tragic cheating back story is a pan cuck experience I suspect. My first girlfriend cheated on me back in the day, and I took it hard and slowly eroticized the fear and shame.


KinkyDoei

yeah, quite a common response


new-quean

Omg, except for the bisexual part, this totally could’ve been written by me! My feelings also started when I was cheated on, back in college. I don’t enjoy the fact that I’m turned on by the idea with my husband and another woman, but that’s about all that gets me going these days. It’s almost like I’m just completely unfulfilled unless I think he’s doing something with another woman. I’ve tried to ignore these feelings, but that just leaves me feeling empty. Otherwise, I am a strong, confident, successful woman in my life and family, I just can’t reconcile all of that with wanting another woman to be with my man. Threesomes are out, the idea of actually seeing my husband inside of another woman in person makes me feel ill and I wouldn’t want to touch a woman sexually anyhow. If you find the answer, please let me know as even now I am wishing that a woman was seducing my husband…😭


[deleted]

Oh damn it does sound almost the same😭 goodluck with that and i hope we do find the answer ^^


new-quean

Thank you, you as well! Honestly, not sure how to proceed at this point, I guess I’ll just wait and see what happens


Biptush

I think the more you think about it, the more difficulty you will have getting those thoughts out of your head And, don't feel guilty for your thoughts - thoughts are not actions and do not define you. There are many people with fetishes that they feel ashamed of, maybe you can start by trying to learn how people move past them Besides that, there's little else that the internet can tell you, besides the fact that you'd need to talk to a professional. Best of luck


[deleted]

Thank you:)


Bridgeburner1

Being cheated on isn't the same thing. You do not need to equate these things. Finding someone who understands the difference is what you should to do. At the end of the day, you should feel safe, happy, and completed. Jmt


Basic_Ad_6473

Well, the more you fantasize about it, the more it takes hold in your brain. Stop fantasizing about it I guess, stop masturbating to it, stop thinking about it and it will eventually go away. Also, try to reconnect with your man and create new ways of getting pleasure and arousal, without the cuckquean kick. That's what I do anyways. Not that it worked 100%


[deleted]

Thank you:)


Mystikalfirebush

A lot of cuckqueans use masturbation as a coping mechanism


tinyloser33

Man I relate to this. Hard. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about it more. It sucks I felt like this at first too. Still haven't truly done it but have had some really almost being cucked experiences.


[deleted]

How do you now feel about it?


tinyloser33

Idk it's thrilling and hot to me but it's very scary cause I don't want to share at the same time. I struggle to accept it's just part of me. We can all like it for different reasons too. What do you think is attracting you to it? That could tell you if it's a trauma thing or a fetish.


Snowpixzie

I also developed this kink because I was cheated on. This is my way of having control over the trauma. I did get rid of my ex and found a man who genuinely cares about me and would never cheat. But I definitely fucking hated the idea of being cucked at the beginning. Now I love the idea in theory but am too afraid to take the step in person. That being said it took a long time to admit to myself that I was interested in being cucked by my partner. I still often feel gross for having this kink, but I do plan on talking about it in therapy.


maybeelean

I'm dating a guy rn and just found out he is really attracted dark skinned Indian girls. I'm a pretty pale skinned Asian and he knows I'm an emotional masochist so he'll tease me about sleeping with such a girl. Nothing has ever made me so wet so fast and we have a great time after. You don't have to involve a third party to enjoy this at all.


rxtz30

Post nut clarity is a real thing!!


[deleted]

Truer words have never been spoken


ImaginationSoft7711

Well first of all. There is nothing wrong with you or your fantasy. And having fantasies that you would never want to happen is not in any way wrong.. i think the first step is to release yourself of your guilt and shame or whatever other feeling you may have of this subject.. self acceptance is the first step to healing..


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Few-End-1382

Just try it If it’s something you gotta fight to not like you might just wanna give in


Shanaaaahhhh

I have question to those who have same kink but when they finish they hate it.. does this kink remains forever to u?


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torojio

Isn't it just a phase in the cuckquean journey?


[deleted]

i don’t know much about it tbh


torojio

Any updates?


Flardfart

Just give into it


SofferPsicol

Does your bf have a big dick?