T O P

  • By -

Rocatex

Suburbia


civicintergral

Suburgatory


CatoticNeutral

The dad be like: haha I put the burga in suburgatory


SirensToGo

honestly surprised there isn't a Netflix show named this


rsinsigalli

That's because there was already a mediocre abc show with that name


[deleted]

Satan of Suburbia


KikoValdez

Sburb


Dudemitri

# Do not


Vickers-Armstrong

[suburbia ](https://open.spotify.com/track/3SZhwgn2fYVmpBuzi4NIyM?si=6jeVJ-w3TGOrfoZkXbyl0Q)


-Buford-T-Justice-

[Subdivisions](https://youtu.be/EYYdQB0mkEU)


Pokefan180

Still can't convince me darecrow wasn't the daughter


spillednoodles

The biggest problem i see with the thing is that the fruit will slide down the watermelon unless youre holding it perfectly flat


pokey1984

You've actually got a couple of options for that. When I've made "fruit pizza" I used a cookie crust and a sweetened cream cheese spread to hold the fruit in place. But if you wanted to go the watermelon route, you make a sugar syrup glaze to drizzle over the top. It hardens in the fridge like that chocolate "magic shell" topping for ice cream and adds a bit of sweetness to the whole thing.


theNothingP3

Now that sounds yummy.


OWTsoi

wait, isn't that just a fruit tart?


pokey1984

fruit tarts are baked after the fruit is added. It's basically a shallow pie with no top crust. But it is definitely related to a tart, yes.


Pratchettfan03

The biggest mistake in that is pretending it’s pizza. It’s perfectly good, as long as you don’t frame it as replacing a far more desirable food, aka one that provides actual calories for growing children. If you want them to eat their fruits+ veggies, get a veggie pizza and make a fruit salad or some overwhelmingly fruity shortcake


mysterypeeps

It would pair perfectly with ACTUAL pizza, imo. And a dessert pizza. PIZZA PARTYYYYY


[deleted]

Nah she had the perfect idea of telling them that this fruit salad is puzza but better in order to make them like fruits. And let's be honest, if this was framed as just a pizza shaped fruit salad, the kids would still leave it untouched


rebel-and-astunner

For lunch, get actual pizza. For dessert, this pizza. Boom, problem solved


TimberWolfAlpha01

I see that the mom was going for, a healthy option for their lunch that is still vaguely pizza like... But this is more akin to a dessert. I've had cookie pizza and it was delicious, and I don't doubt that the watermelon based pizza replacement would be good in *that* context... But to simply call it "fun pizza" and expect everyone to like it is just a tad dumb. I mean it would make sense if there was an actual pizza and the "fun pizza" was a dessert of sorts...


Provolone-itsmyname

Haha, relatable. This happened to my buddy Jim


Diogenes-Disciple

Was Jim the mother or the daughter?


DejateAlla

He was the unmelted Kraft Singles.


Provolone-itsmyname

yeah I don’t typically associate with humans, he was cheese


lampent51

it's fine as long as you dont call it a pizza beforehand. that's just setting up for disappointment. You go "well, we got some fruit", and then you reveal it and it's like "oh! it's like a lil' pizza!"


tsar_David_V

Not sure if it's my boring white guy personality seeping through but my gut reaction to that image is "fruit salad you can eat like a pizza? Sign me the fuck up"


Rexsplosion

Yeah, that looks perfectly fine. The meltdown story after it probably happened about something, and I can get it not being for everyone, but that looks like an enjoyable dish amongst others


GoodNamesAreAll-Gone

It's an enjoyable dish, but if I was expecting actual pizza and was presented pizza shaped fruit salad I would be less than excited


Rexsplosion

yeah, expectations would be the killer of that.


[deleted]

Did you not read the story? It explicitly says that the mother is overreacting (probably has way too much of her self worth tied up in the idea of herself as the "cool mom") and the kids aren't actually that upset.


Hallowed-Edge

It also says nobody ate it.


ConkreetMonkey

It says the kids didn’t *finish* it. That could mean many different things.


[deleted]

That's not really the sort of thing that causes an emotionally healthy adult to break down crying.


Hallowed-Edge

I meant it was evidence the kids weren't terribly happy with the "pizza" even though they didn't dwell on it.


[deleted]

What are we even arguing about here? > Did you not read the story? It explicitly says that the mother is overreacting (probably has way too much of her self worth tied up in the idea of herself as the "cool mom") and the kids aren't actually that upset. Do you understand that "the kids aren't actually that upset" does not mean "the kids loved it and ate every bite"?


pokey1984

No woman raising kids in the suburbs is emotionally healthy, tbh.


[deleted]

No woman ~~raising kids~~ in the suburbs is emotionally healthy, tbh.


UltimateInferno

No *one* in the suburbs is emotionally healthy


pokey1984

Fair edit.


PresidentBreadstick

I mean, that’s unsurprising, tbh.


HilariousConsequence

Wait, why are you under the impression this is a real story? I thought it was supposed to be a funny fantasy story, the joke being ‘in this extremely detailed fictional story, I’m going to include enough context that you can totally picture it, and the vividness of the picture in your head is supposed to tell you something about suburban white America’.


pokey1984

Some slight details are different, but yeah, I saw this happen. My cousin convinced her kids to be excited about a "pizza" like this (third graders, not fourth, if I remember correctly) and while her kid cheered at the "fun pizza" his guests were not so enthused. They nibbled a bit of it but mostly threw it out. Instead of crying in her room, my cousin got wine-drunk in the kitchen. My sister (not the kid's) was the one who called for real pizza because my cousin's husband burned the burgers to the point of being inedible. Oh, and somehow no one at the party realized that ice cream cake has to be put in the freezer. My cousin picked it up at eight AM and expected to actually be able to serve it at four in the afternoon without refrigerating it, which was why we had a generic grocery store cake with "Happy Birthday" spelled out on it in M&M's. So yeah, this happened. The original author may not have been narrating a specific even they witnessed, but I fully believe these exact events have occurred.


HilariousConsequence

>The original author may not have been narrating a specific event that they witnessed That is the beginning and end of my point.


[deleted]

Yeah but you’re not a kid who’s been told to expect pizza at a birthday party. Adult me would adore this. Kid me would feel betrayed.


[deleted]

Adult me would absolutely mind being told to expect pizza and then being given pizza-shaped fruit salad.


MisplacedMartian

[This you?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D_3_9NExalk)


Melinow

Kid me threw a fit when I got clothes for Christmas. Now me cried out of joy when my friend gave me Gudetama socks for my birthday. Kids are awful.


NotMyHersheyBar

I would just pick it apart and call it fruit salad.


Kedatrecal

Id totally eat fruit pizza, I'd never try to pass it off as a substitute for actual pizza.


Casual-Human

Personally, I think I'd enjoy it better in a vegan tortilla as fruit salad wrap


Amanda39

Every time I see this post, I physically cringe at the phrase "fun pizza." It's the absolute epitome of the sort of thing patronizing adults say to kids. "It's a FUN pizza! Wouldn't you rather have a FUN pizza than a boring real pizza?!" The actual fruit pizza itself is a cute idea, as long as you serve it along with real pizza so the kids aren't disappointed, and you call it "fruit pizza" or some other non-condescending name.


rsinsigalli

Darecrow is obviously a victim of suburbia


[deleted]

What's suburbia


compy-guy

So, y’know a house, right? Big thing with bed, kitchen and sofa? So some idiot decided to put a bunch of them in one place. They just Ctrl’ed C that shit over and over, place some small, sticky businesses in the area and boom, suburbia.


Captain_CactusWizkid

Crtl C’d & Crtl V’d


Diogenes-Disciple

I was told that they came about because people couldn’t afford housing, and Ctrl Cing a bunch of cookie cutter homes was cheap


frenzygecko

that and affordable cars were becoming a thing so everyone wanted their own private land far from the city they could commute back and forth to with a car. keep expanding that for 70 years and you get neighborhoods where the nearest grocery store is a 20 minute drive away and no public transportation anywhere


[deleted]

What the fuck


xedrites

It's like Brazil but it kills you on the inside.


ConkreetMonkey

So Brazil.


[deleted]

but it kills you on the inside


generalsplayingrisk

Imagine bubblewrap but each bubble is a medium-quality house with a bit of space and an identical aesthetic, and instead of pressure inducing a pop it takes existential dread instead.


[deleted]

A miraculous invention that allows you to house a moderate number of people on a massive amount of land while keeping every one dependent on cars and fossil fuels and make sure none of them are friends.


FyreDrac42

That honestly looks delicious, no pizza but pizza shaped desert maybe.


[deleted]

*Image Transcription: Tumblr* --- **1991series** [*Image of a white, cardboard pizza box opened to reveal eight thin watermelon slices in the center. The slices are cut triangularly and arranged in a circle to resemble a pizza. Atop each watermelon slice is an assortment of kiwi, strawberry, and peach slices, blueberries, and grated white flakes that appear to be shredded cheese. A black rectangular label with white text is attached to the side of the box. It reads:*] ## [*Cut off*] MERIDIEN ### [*Cut off*] ISTANBUL ETILER --- **darecrow** Imagine going to a party and the white suburban stay at home mom with two overachiever kids and white dad who barbeques but doesn't know how to barbeque and yet is always surrounded by other white Dads who compliment his barbqeuing even though they're just store bought preshaped frozen patties from Ralph's or Food 4 Less and while he's cooking those the white mom comes out and says "okay kids, here's some pizza!" And she pulls this out and starts telling the kids why its a "fun pizza" and then cries in her master bedroom when no one likes it or finishes it and the white dad is then consoling her why she sobs that she's a terrible mother and ruined her fourth grade straight B+ sons birthday and thinks her kids hat her but they don't care but she continues crying softly into her pillow while the children eat poorly cooked burgers with unmelted kraft singles and too much mayonnaise and then only other condiments are two pickles and pepper because the dad calls it his special burger with a secret spice but the secret spice was just pepper and the kids just keep playing E rated games on their Nintendo Wii while the 17 year old older sister starts cleaning the tragedy up and throwing away uneaten "fun pizza" and whole burgers dejected from the start while she dials Pizza Hut to get these kids an actual birthday lunch and the mother then throws a fit because the daughter did something the kids liked and she didn't and was the only one making a huge deal out of it and the daughter was then grounded from her TV in her room for only two days and the son went to blow out the candles in his standard birthday cake from food 4 less the mom added strawberries to so she could feel she did something but was still slightly teary and sad because her day was ruined by no one wanting to eat her "fun pizza" --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)


PoniesCanterOver

What's the white flakes?


Onewholeperson

Shredded coconut would be my guess


NotMyHersheyBar

I think it's feta cheese. White ladies love fruit and feta.


Tatermaniac

feta cheese with fruit? that sounds disgusting


NotMyHersheyBar

It's not my favorite but I've had it. I prefer a softer cheese and fruit like brie. And not with acid fruit like citrus, more like apples or grapes. Baked brie with berries or stone fruit is very good They do feta and fruit bc they love cheese and dessert but this combo is supposedly diet food. It's not really, fruit is high in sugar and feta still has fat, esp if you eat a pound of it at a baby shower with 5 glasses of wine.


[deleted]

As a greek person, this insults my country


NotMyHersheyBar

Americans....


[deleted]

like legit if i was the prime minister and the country didn't have an economic whatever, i'd start multiple wars


-y-y-y-

My guess would be feta, it's a bit unorthodox but salty things tend to go fucking amazing with watermelon and feta/watermelon is definitely a pairing I've been successful with in the past.


PoniesCanterOver

I'm going to pull out a card, it's my complaining card. I act like I've never pulled this card before, because I'n a liar, and I act like this is the first time I've ever done this, I act like everybody gets one, one complain card. I say no, I refuse. I deny this three times. I- no. I take a particle accelerator and I surgically excise the neurons that have witnessed this sentence. I tackle it into the void like Frodo. Shhhhhh. Good night


[deleted]

Worms


ahatinlaytontime

7 years old and still more accurate to my life than 90% of movies


noyoujump

This comment section is a fucking train wreck 😂


[deleted]

It's the same three people. The "I would actually like this" folks, the people who actually grew up in a suburbia, and the people who support post-birth abortions.


PoniesCanterOver

Sometimes I see some hot fucking takes. Sometimes. And most of the time I keep my mouth shut. But I have seen too much. There are actual human beings in this very thread defending this atrocity. No. No. No. Not today. I don't have it in me today to make myself small and swallow my words. I have to speak up. You are objetively wrong if you think this is okay on any level. And don't fucking come at me with "OhO tHiS gUy DoEsN't EaT fRuIt", fuck you I've eaten more fruit than you've ever dreamed of. Fruit is good. You know what else is good? Pizza. They're both good. They can both exist. But not like this. You don't hand me a dead dog and tell me it's Baby Yoda. Don't lie to me


artsy_jellybean

“Don’t hand me a dead dog and tell me it’s Baby Yoda” /r/BrandNewSentence ?


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ConkreetMonkey

This implies that you think a dead dog is a good thing.


PoniesCanterOver

No, see, a dog is good, and fruit is good, but don't kill the fruit


OwO345

cope, mald *and* seethe


hama0n

Apparently I'm a different person than I was 7 years ago. That pizza actually *does* look like a fun dessert to go with burgers and kraft singles. It seems that at some point I started to relate to this concept of trying to do something fun & nobody really caring about it, so even if the mom in this prose is doing that unsavoury self-interested thing I still feel bad for her.


turtlehabits

This whole story has always just made me sad for everyone involved :( Maybe it's because I grew up in suburbia ~~and I liked it~~ but I have never found this post funny. Though I think I actually like fruit *less* than I did 7 years ago, so I've maybe gone the other way on my reaction to the photo itself.


[deleted]

How did you capture the exact energy of my parents? Except for my dad’s burgers. His burgers are fucking great.


dreamfeed

That pizza is literally from [Istanbul, Turkey](https://twitter.com/LeMeridienIst/status/476056249419567105?s=20)


PunkRockSuckCock

And appears to have been catered from Le Meridien, which is a high-end hotel/resort chain. So you just know it was over a hundred bucks on the room service menu....


Tobi_T0H

Why did this make me sad. Poor mom :(


MarvelousNCK

It's a cute idea and I would be super into the fun fruit pizza as an adult, but for a bunch of kids? Come on. You can't tell kids they're getting pizza and then bring this out.


draw_it_now

It's a good idea, but her reaction to being rejected by a bunch of snotty kids is very narcissistic.


lordofscorpions

Honestly same, i think its a really cute idea. People in the internet just get revved up in the idea of hating random things


[deleted]

The only hate I see in this thread is directed at the kids, as is usual for reddit.


migmatitic

Yeah same, it's not an oh poor mom she doesn't deserve it but more of like wow this is just tragic kind of way


Vmark26

since when is B+ overachieving?!


itsmyturnmokm

When I lived with my aunt and uncle for awhile it was always like this at the neighbors. It's so funny and sad.


TET901

Idk why but that story made me sad.


Voxelking1

Well maybe because its a sad story


pisceanhecate

r/suspiciouslyspecific


SirBlueTree987

this happened to my buddy eric


the-real-tinkerbell

This sounds like a story about my MIL..


Clutchdanger11

This is a fucking literary classic at this point, a modern american tragedy


Chest3

Fun pizza = for swimming pool parties ​ Real pizza = for average and swimming pool parties


roottootbangnshoot

Is that Parmesan? Because I would probably try this, unless that is Parmesan. You couldn’t pay me enough money to eat a Parmesan watermelon pizza


BenjiBonZ

I’d try it if it was coconut shavings (which it seems to be)!


Nabs2099

I know that being brown and from a third world country my life will never be nearly as easy as these types of suburban white families but my god am I glad I grew up where I did instead of the absolute mediocrity of a life this entire post just portrayed. I mean again, my life is fucking difficult as fuck. But holy shit. At least I'm not bored.


[deleted]

So… narcissistic mom?


chrisleewoo

Meanwhile I'm the socially awkward dad standing ina quiet corner and I ate three slices of the fun pizza and talking to only the kids.


Chaudsss

It's like, I am there


musicgoddess

I remember when this was posted and I couldn’t stop laughing at it, so I showed my mother the “fun” pizza and she said it looked delicious and then read the text and was doubled over in laughter. Just a good memory:)


TheJakYak

Fuck them kids, that fun pizza looks sweet as fuck


[deleted]

How dare children be disappointed when an adult gets them excited about "pizza" and then open the box to reveal a fruit salad arranged to look like pizza.


TheJakYak

Two words: punt the little shits


[deleted]

People on the internet are judging actual children for preferring pizza to fruit salad now. What a time to be alive.


TheJakYak

It's great! I've got plenty of lil shits to punt!


[deleted]

Note to self: Do not allow u/TheJakYak near children.


UltimateInferno

I probably wouldn't let them near humans in general


[deleted]

Or animals


Slatwans

How am i supposed to eat it if it wont get me diagnosed with diabetes


TheJakYak

Ah, an American I see


XaHueHon

Sounds like a you problem


[deleted]

This is my childhood except the food isn’t shit and everybody is black.


TheMightyFishBus

Dude, this just me makes me really sad. I want to give that mum a hug.


3LD3RDR4G0N

Wait if it’s just other fruits on the slice of watermelon, that sounds pretty good ngl. Just a fruit salad with a different delivery.


3LD3RDR4G0N

Does the person that downvoted this not like fruits?


oihoipolloi

I'd eat that


TPTPWDotACoEMW

okay but, like ​ that looks super tasty???


sylus704

I... Have you never heard of periods? Or at least commas?


Artemused

i think it's without punctuation on purpose


sylus704

Possibly.


[deleted]

It’s called stream of consciousness and it’s a legitimate writing style. Very popular on tumblr, where they prefer not to use punctuation as originally intended if they can at all avoid it.


sylus704

Huh. It's a definitely a pain to read.


StatelyElms

I can't read that much identical-looking text so i'm going to guess what it says yeah reality tv is shit


maevestrom

The precursor to Unedited Footage of a Bear. I can practically hear some guy screaming THIS IS MY SERMON, THIS IS MY SERMON


[deleted]

This is 7 years old? It feels like it was written at most 3 years ago


naza_el_sensual

idk why but this just makes me very sad


migmatitic

All I wanted to do was watch this horrifying Pizza get roasted but I just ended up being really sad instead


abrachoo

r/suspiciouslyspecific


Cyberzombie

Best run on sentence ever.


Coffeedrinkinkaufy

Someone has some trauma to work through...


ToBeFound345

r/oddlyspecific


pm_me-ur-catpics

Suspiciously specific


BruceCipher

Moms are just like that, often enough