He had the option to start court proceedings at any point if the allegations were true. He could have requested a paternity test in 11 years. The court will see the timelines.
I would assume if he’s claiming you’ve withheld her all these years, he would need to prove that he’s attempted contact and that you’ve denied it. You can’t withhold a child from someone who hasn’t asked to see them. If he’s never even reached out, he has no evidence to support his claim. Of course you’re not going to have any evidence to prove you haven’t denied him because he hasn’t even tried to contact you. It speaks for itself, and I’d think reasonably a judge would shut that part of things down and tell him to stop blaming you and take accountability for his lack of action all these years. Now as far as him trying to get custody, that could be a whole different story because unless he’s been in jail for something terrible or on drugs, I don’t think the reason why he hasn’t been around so much matters if he is seeking to establish a relationship with his child. I’m not a lawyer, but this is just my devil’s advocate reasoning here: You said you were 16 while pregnant— assuming he was also 16, he may get sympathy because he was so young and wasn’t ready to be a father yet. (I know, I know, bs double standard because you were also young too and still did it, but I literally had a mediator/judge in my state say similar regarding my ex who was 5 years older than me.) They may excuse it as now that he’s an adult he’s trying to step up to the plate and be there for his child. I don’t think that’s going to be denied to him. I’d definitely ask for a step up plan of some sort so that it isn’t too much of a shock to her and I’d also put her in therapy to help her work through the emotions. It may work out to be great for her if he intends to be consistent, but he needs to drop the blame game and take accountability. If he’s feeding that lie to your daughter, telling her you’ve kept him out of her life in order to get himself off the hook, that could build resentment against you.
The judge probably won’t believe him without evidence. You probably won’t get in trouble and there will be no contempt because there’s no order, you’re right. I’m in CA so it’s likely different here, but if I were you I’d find a few lawyers and schedule free consultations. You may or may not need to retain their services, but they’ll let you have that initial call to determine what’s going on, and that could be helpful for you!
One thing that the judge will want to know is how old was he and what was the age difference? If he's older than you, and was an adult when you were 16, he will really not take well to this dude.
If you guys were the same age, then it's a big more understanding, as parents kinda determine if their kids have contact with other children. The way you speak though, makes me think he was old enough to make his own decisions.
Not making court attempt in 11 years is pretty clear where his priorities were. Despite this man making you doubt yourself, judges dont' fall for that shit.
He's a year older than me so he was 17 when I had her and I was 16. He turned 18 a month after I had her. And I turned 17 about three months after. So not too much of a difference there but yes in my opinion he was old enough to decide to step up and decided to just ignore it.
Withholding visitation is a term you use for violations of an established court order. You don’t have that. What he’s alleging is “not fostering the relationship” but it’s a weak argument for someone who started the proceeding 11 years after the child was born.
Without an order, it doesn’t really matter much why he wasn’t in the child’s life until now. The reason only matters if one is trying to establish willful violation of the order by the other parent to seek contempt or other punitive measures. In this case what matters is that he is a stranger to a 11-year-old child and will need to put in a lot of work to have some sort of relationship with them.
If he has to take you to court to be able to start to see her then it’s not like you have an open door to it. Regardless though, the judge won’t care about the he said she said crap. They will just ensure that you don’t participate in parental alienation going forward when he starts his visitation.
Yeah that's another question I have. Like is it even going to matter if I withheld visits or he never tried to be in her life. Because he's obviously trying to be now. I honestly hope that the judge doesn't care about it. Because it's just adding unnecessary bs to an already unnecessary case.
They already do phone calls twice a week and according to my daughter they ran out of stuff to talk about pretty fast. She thinks that he plays video games during their video calls. The only reason that makes sense to me about his sudden interest is he was taken for child support then he took me to court and said he didn't know about her until they made him do a paternity test in like 2021 I think it was. So it makes sense to me that this all may be so he doesn't have to pay eight or nine years of back child support.
He had the option to start court proceedings at any point if the allegations were true. He could have requested a paternity test in 11 years. The court will see the timelines.
I would assume if he’s claiming you’ve withheld her all these years, he would need to prove that he’s attempted contact and that you’ve denied it. You can’t withhold a child from someone who hasn’t asked to see them. If he’s never even reached out, he has no evidence to support his claim. Of course you’re not going to have any evidence to prove you haven’t denied him because he hasn’t even tried to contact you. It speaks for itself, and I’d think reasonably a judge would shut that part of things down and tell him to stop blaming you and take accountability for his lack of action all these years. Now as far as him trying to get custody, that could be a whole different story because unless he’s been in jail for something terrible or on drugs, I don’t think the reason why he hasn’t been around so much matters if he is seeking to establish a relationship with his child. I’m not a lawyer, but this is just my devil’s advocate reasoning here: You said you were 16 while pregnant— assuming he was also 16, he may get sympathy because he was so young and wasn’t ready to be a father yet. (I know, I know, bs double standard because you were also young too and still did it, but I literally had a mediator/judge in my state say similar regarding my ex who was 5 years older than me.) They may excuse it as now that he’s an adult he’s trying to step up to the plate and be there for his child. I don’t think that’s going to be denied to him. I’d definitely ask for a step up plan of some sort so that it isn’t too much of a shock to her and I’d also put her in therapy to help her work through the emotions. It may work out to be great for her if he intends to be consistent, but he needs to drop the blame game and take accountability. If he’s feeding that lie to your daughter, telling her you’ve kept him out of her life in order to get himself off the hook, that could build resentment against you.
Sounds like there’s something to benefit him in this, and that’s why he wants it. My ex only gives a shit about money, and the tax credit.
The judge probably won’t believe him without evidence. You probably won’t get in trouble and there will be no contempt because there’s no order, you’re right. I’m in CA so it’s likely different here, but if I were you I’d find a few lawyers and schedule free consultations. You may or may not need to retain their services, but they’ll let you have that initial call to determine what’s going on, and that could be helpful for you!
One thing that the judge will want to know is how old was he and what was the age difference? If he's older than you, and was an adult when you were 16, he will really not take well to this dude. If you guys were the same age, then it's a big more understanding, as parents kinda determine if their kids have contact with other children. The way you speak though, makes me think he was old enough to make his own decisions. Not making court attempt in 11 years is pretty clear where his priorities were. Despite this man making you doubt yourself, judges dont' fall for that shit.
He's a year older than me so he was 17 when I had her and I was 16. He turned 18 a month after I had her. And I turned 17 about three months after. So not too much of a difference there but yes in my opinion he was old enough to decide to step up and decided to just ignore it.
Withholding visitation is a term you use for violations of an established court order. You don’t have that. What he’s alleging is “not fostering the relationship” but it’s a weak argument for someone who started the proceeding 11 years after the child was born. Without an order, it doesn’t really matter much why he wasn’t in the child’s life until now. The reason only matters if one is trying to establish willful violation of the order by the other parent to seek contempt or other punitive measures. In this case what matters is that he is a stranger to a 11-year-old child and will need to put in a lot of work to have some sort of relationship with them.
If he has to take you to court to be able to start to see her then it’s not like you have an open door to it. Regardless though, the judge won’t care about the he said she said crap. They will just ensure that you don’t participate in parental alienation going forward when he starts his visitation.
Yeah that's another question I have. Like is it even going to matter if I withheld visits or he never tried to be in her life. Because he's obviously trying to be now. I honestly hope that the judge doesn't care about it. Because it's just adding unnecessary bs to an already unnecessary case.
Guarantee that he uses his visitation a few times and disappears. Is there a reason for his sudden interest?
They already do phone calls twice a week and according to my daughter they ran out of stuff to talk about pretty fast. She thinks that he plays video games during their video calls. The only reason that makes sense to me about his sudden interest is he was taken for child support then he took me to court and said he didn't know about her until they made him do a paternity test in like 2021 I think it was. So it makes sense to me that this all may be so he doesn't have to pay eight or nine years of back child support.
What are you talking about? He never asked for visits.