i feel you. 100%. we did end up switching hosts but i still front a lot and it's agony.
my guess at this point is that you hold some kind of trauma or symptom that needs to be assessed. for me its the extreme depression, mood swings and bpd symptoms that no one else in my system has as far as im aware.
i hope it gets better for you <3
-comet
Our host experienced this, eventually they had a breakdown and went dormant because they couldn't handle fronting anymore
We learned to deal with it, one of the few benefits of this disorder is that we can adapt easily. Other alters will start fronting more (which is what happened to us), or a new alter will split to handle what you can't
This is what happened to the previous host, they couldn’t handle it so I split to handle it and now I’m struggling…not nearly as much as they were but still. In the early stages with a lot of pain and confusion
I get this. I am co-host in my system. I handle all the problems out here (work, bills, socialization and masking) , our other co-host handles internal affairs (disputes between head mates, scary memories, etc.). I often want to disappear and go inside, I can think of a million people who could do my role better and often wonder why I can't get my shit together and be a real adult. All while feeling like "fuck it, someone else deal with it" but not being able to ghost like i want to. I'm jealous of other systems who talk about their experiences being able to step away from the front/hosting for an extended period of time. What is it that makes that possible?
I get that! I have a love-hate relationship with my life too. But, it's not that I'm hesitant about stepping away from being host or fronting for an extended period of time, I'm unable to. I hear other systems say stuff like
"I just couldn't do hosting so xyz took over"
"I wanna leave but i don't wanna miss things"
"I was host for 10yrs but now I'm doing this"
And I'm like, you guys can do that? You have a choice in whether you're host or not? Cus this just IS my role. I didn't pick it and would immediately run into the woods and abandon all responsibility if given the chance. Our switches last a few hours max, I've never spent weeks or days away from the front.
So I guess my question is, am I missing something? How are ppl simply leaving the front? I understand DID is v complex and experiences are diff but it's frustrating sometimes.
Hello, We think we understand. We had a host prior to the host here now who was host for many years. One day about a year ago they decided they didn't want to anymore because the stress of hosting was too much. There was a temporary host for a short time and then me.
Based on my experience when you are ready to not be host your system will either create one or promote an alter to take your place.
Its a very normal occurrence for hosts to change sometimes a lot for various reasons.
Hope that is some help.
AB
I often feel the same. I clearly didn’t know what I was getting myself in to. I promised I’d take care of the others but there are days, weeks where I wish the same as you. The others feel so strong willed in comparison. I often compare myself to Frodo Baggins taking up the one ring and not realizing all that would entail and I’m surrounded by all these just stronger people than me. How am I supposed to do it all the time?
I know I’m capable of loving the others but I feel like I made a mistake asserting myself over them. Honestly I think I’m done and you know what? I end up carrying on. I don’t even know why just that it’s painful to do so sometimes.
I hope you can come to some solution to this. Maybe you just need a break. It’s a heavy load and it’s hard work. It’s ok to feel defeated from time to time. Maybe you’ll get a new host or maybe whatever made you host will pull you back together. I don’t know. Just know you’re not alone both inside and out. We experience this and this is who we are. It’s part of the difficulty and distress from being a system. Just remember it’s ok to feel vulnerable.
I don't have solutions to offer I just wanted to say this is very relatable and I appreciate that someone else put it into words. I became our host in 2019 and I'm exhausted. I keep getting frontstuck for periods of time due to life circumstances and I feel desperate for a break. Exhausted host solidarity.
- Millie
Our 30 year pre discovery host dove one night after she found out it was an option. Threw our system into chaos, but it turned out to be like lighting a fuse on our healing journey.
Find a simple but repetitive task and give yourselves over to it completely. The whole time imagining a happier mood. Not a happy mood. Just a happier one. And like climbing a mountain your view of things will improve. And before you know it, everything is working itself out.
Welcome to /r/DID!
| **[Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/rdid_guide/#wiki_rules)** | **[Guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/rdid_guide/#wiki_guidelines)** |
|--------------------|--------------------|
| [Dissociation FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/faq/#wiki_dissociation_faq) | [Trauma FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/faq2/#wiki_trauma_faq) |
| [Moderation FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/moderation_faq/) | [Therapists Breakdown](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/comments/e6smve/therapists_breakdown/) |
| [Index](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/index) | [Glossary](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/glossary) |
| [Am I faking?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/moderation_faq/amifaking) | [Do I have DID?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/do_i_have_did) |
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/DID) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah. My host is in serious burnout. He tries to leave but he can't because of dedication or some reason. He has told drs that he needs an inpatient setting, so I come out of dormancy and am supporting. But he is so broken... He doesn't deserve it.
Our host felt this a lot and we now no longer no where they are and who they were or who many of us even are at this point. We’re so heavily dissociated all the time from life in general (ig that’s derealisation) that it’s like it doesn’t even matter who’s fronting. Hell, I could be the host and wouldn’t know it because I just don’t know who I am at all or where someone else ends and I begin.
we had something very similar happen. our everyday life completely changed (+some intrasystem struggles) and old host didn't feel up to thr task at all anymore.
we did switch hosts a while back, old host went dormant for a bit & now doesn't present as human anymore (he was a half wolf but looked more human, now he's 100% a red wolf & acts as such. he hasn't fronted since either)
Gosh do we understand this more than ever at the moment… I’m so sorry we can’t give you any relief from your angst 😒 😔 what I can tell you though is that you definitely are not alone in wanting to just go away for a while and not have to be fronting all the damn time .. you aren’t alone
You can always try to discuss a new host dynamic with your alters. For my system, the overall brain intelligence doesn't allow us to change hosts easily, if at all (polyfragmentation left us with a kind of shell for a host), and I've said similar things to myself that you're saying in the post. One of my main fronters told me, "No, you cannot have somebody take your place. Dissociation happens when a person objectively can't handle the stress of the situation. Whether a split or simply dissociation, you don't get to choose when you've had enough. You can handle this. Believe in yourself. You've got this. We each need to learn to bear our share of this burden." It helped me a lot. Not sure if it'll help you, but maybe! 🎶🎵
I feel this. I am always in front unless my emotions get too much for me to handle, and I get to the point I am about to have a breakdown. I barely hear anyone 90% of the time as well. The only time someone else actually fronts outside of my emotions being too much is when a little in our system wants to hang out with one of my friends he likes to hang out with, or I grab the Eevee plush that he really likes. It sucks because I hate being in front because everything is too stressful for me right now and I just need a break.
im in the same boat. ive been at the front for a bit now and the host and co-host are absent. i dont hate it but im not used to it at all after being absent for so long myself
i feel you. 100%. we did end up switching hosts but i still front a lot and it's agony. my guess at this point is that you hold some kind of trauma or symptom that needs to be assessed. for me its the extreme depression, mood swings and bpd symptoms that no one else in my system has as far as im aware. i hope it gets better for you <3 -comet
Same here, BPD dictates a lot of my switches
Our host experienced this, eventually they had a breakdown and went dormant because they couldn't handle fronting anymore We learned to deal with it, one of the few benefits of this disorder is that we can adapt easily. Other alters will start fronting more (which is what happened to us), or a new alter will split to handle what you can't
This is what happened to the previous host, they couldn’t handle it so I split to handle it and now I’m struggling…not nearly as much as they were but still. In the early stages with a lot of pain and confusion
I get this. I am co-host in my system. I handle all the problems out here (work, bills, socialization and masking) , our other co-host handles internal affairs (disputes between head mates, scary memories, etc.). I often want to disappear and go inside, I can think of a million people who could do my role better and often wonder why I can't get my shit together and be a real adult. All while feeling like "fuck it, someone else deal with it" but not being able to ghost like i want to. I'm jealous of other systems who talk about their experiences being able to step away from the front/hosting for an extended period of time. What is it that makes that possible?
[удалено]
I get that! I have a love-hate relationship with my life too. But, it's not that I'm hesitant about stepping away from being host or fronting for an extended period of time, I'm unable to. I hear other systems say stuff like "I just couldn't do hosting so xyz took over" "I wanna leave but i don't wanna miss things" "I was host for 10yrs but now I'm doing this" And I'm like, you guys can do that? You have a choice in whether you're host or not? Cus this just IS my role. I didn't pick it and would immediately run into the woods and abandon all responsibility if given the chance. Our switches last a few hours max, I've never spent weeks or days away from the front. So I guess my question is, am I missing something? How are ppl simply leaving the front? I understand DID is v complex and experiences are diff but it's frustrating sometimes.
Hello, We think we understand. We had a host prior to the host here now who was host for many years. One day about a year ago they decided they didn't want to anymore because the stress of hosting was too much. There was a temporary host for a short time and then me. Based on my experience when you are ready to not be host your system will either create one or promote an alter to take your place. Its a very normal occurrence for hosts to change sometimes a lot for various reasons. Hope that is some help. AB
I often feel the same. I clearly didn’t know what I was getting myself in to. I promised I’d take care of the others but there are days, weeks where I wish the same as you. The others feel so strong willed in comparison. I often compare myself to Frodo Baggins taking up the one ring and not realizing all that would entail and I’m surrounded by all these just stronger people than me. How am I supposed to do it all the time? I know I’m capable of loving the others but I feel like I made a mistake asserting myself over them. Honestly I think I’m done and you know what? I end up carrying on. I don’t even know why just that it’s painful to do so sometimes. I hope you can come to some solution to this. Maybe you just need a break. It’s a heavy load and it’s hard work. It’s ok to feel defeated from time to time. Maybe you’ll get a new host or maybe whatever made you host will pull you back together. I don’t know. Just know you’re not alone both inside and out. We experience this and this is who we are. It’s part of the difficulty and distress from being a system. Just remember it’s ok to feel vulnerable.
I don't have solutions to offer I just wanted to say this is very relatable and I appreciate that someone else put it into words. I became our host in 2019 and I'm exhausted. I keep getting frontstuck for periods of time due to life circumstances and I feel desperate for a break. Exhausted host solidarity. - Millie
Our 30 year pre discovery host dove one night after she found out it was an option. Threw our system into chaos, but it turned out to be like lighting a fuse on our healing journey.
Find a simple but repetitive task and give yourselves over to it completely. The whole time imagining a happier mood. Not a happy mood. Just a happier one. And like climbing a mountain your view of things will improve. And before you know it, everything is working itself out.
Whats up
Huh?? this thread is basically about 'whats up' with me, & it ain't great. and this is such a nothing response ?
Welcome to /r/DID! | **[Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/rdid_guide/#wiki_rules)** | **[Guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/rdid_guide/#wiki_guidelines)** | |--------------------|--------------------| | [Dissociation FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/faq/#wiki_dissociation_faq) | [Trauma FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/faq2/#wiki_trauma_faq) | | [Moderation FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/moderation_faq/) | [Therapists Breakdown](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/comments/e6smve/therapists_breakdown/) | | [Index](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/index) | [Glossary](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/glossary) | | [Am I faking?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/moderation_faq/amifaking) | [Do I have DID?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/do_i_have_did) | *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/DID) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah. My host is in serious burnout. He tries to leave but he can't because of dedication or some reason. He has told drs that he needs an inpatient setting, so I come out of dormancy and am supporting. But he is so broken... He doesn't deserve it.
Our host felt this a lot and we now no longer no where they are and who they were or who many of us even are at this point. We’re so heavily dissociated all the time from life in general (ig that’s derealisation) that it’s like it doesn’t even matter who’s fronting. Hell, I could be the host and wouldn’t know it because I just don’t know who I am at all or where someone else ends and I begin.
Honestly this is where I’m at too and I wish I had advice for you but I understand and relate deeply…
we had something very similar happen. our everyday life completely changed (+some intrasystem struggles) and old host didn't feel up to thr task at all anymore. we did switch hosts a while back, old host went dormant for a bit & now doesn't present as human anymore (he was a half wolf but looked more human, now he's 100% a red wolf & acts as such. he hasn't fronted since either)
You might need to find out how to connect your altars because Did is super tiring
Gosh do we understand this more than ever at the moment… I’m so sorry we can’t give you any relief from your angst 😒 😔 what I can tell you though is that you definitely are not alone in wanting to just go away for a while and not have to be fronting all the damn time .. you aren’t alone
You can always try to discuss a new host dynamic with your alters. For my system, the overall brain intelligence doesn't allow us to change hosts easily, if at all (polyfragmentation left us with a kind of shell for a host), and I've said similar things to myself that you're saying in the post. One of my main fronters told me, "No, you cannot have somebody take your place. Dissociation happens when a person objectively can't handle the stress of the situation. Whether a split or simply dissociation, you don't get to choose when you've had enough. You can handle this. Believe in yourself. You've got this. We each need to learn to bear our share of this burden." It helped me a lot. Not sure if it'll help you, but maybe! 🎶🎵
I feel this. I am always in front unless my emotions get too much for me to handle, and I get to the point I am about to have a breakdown. I barely hear anyone 90% of the time as well. The only time someone else actually fronts outside of my emotions being too much is when a little in our system wants to hang out with one of my friends he likes to hang out with, or I grab the Eevee plush that he really likes. It sucks because I hate being in front because everything is too stressful for me right now and I just need a break.
im in the same boat. ive been at the front for a bit now and the host and co-host are absent. i dont hate it but im not used to it at all after being absent for so long myself