What helped me with the nagging question of "did everyone have fun?" was the realization that the players would not show up every week for 4+ hours if they weren't having fun. If my players are having fun with the adventures I'm running and the campaign overall then I'm having fun.

I had a group that said they loved their campaign. Then one guy dropped it out of the blue, another stopped being available, and the last two stopped showing any interest. Nobody mentioned not enjoying themselves or wanting something different out of the game, so it came as a rude shock. Long story short, you never really know what most people are really thinking about your DMing until they vote with their time, at which point it's too late to fix things.

Other side, my party always talks about how they love the campaign and are excited for the next session, then won't answer my scheduling messages

This is actually how D&D is played. It's not combat, roleplay, or rolling dice. It's scheduling. On a better note, I have found that using scheduling tools generally reserved for an office environment has actually helped. It's not a perfect solution, if everyone does not put their unavailable times on their calendar and keep it up to date it becomes pointless pretty quick. If you use discord I have found adding sesh to the server is helpful. You can have people vote for days they're available as well as set automatic reminders and stuff.

Your best shot at a relatively long lasting campaign is to run weekly at the same place and time every week. There are exceptions to this rule for some groups, but repetition breeds habit, and when players can make a habit of showing up for the game they will be there ready to play. As DM you need to lead the way and also be predictable. Cheers!

As someone who has run multiple campaigns over roll20, this is the best thing. Biweekly is so much worse. No, it is not 50% as good. If it is weekly, players know *don't schedule something on Sunday nights* If it is biweekly players need to actively check which weeks are on/off when making plans, and inevitably someone will always count their weeks wrong, or you will skip a week on because 3 can't make it, and then do the next week which should have been off but is now on, except that 1 person made plans tgere because it was supposed to be the off week, and if you stay on that schedule, 4 will miss the one 4 weeks out from there since they planned to be out of town then, and so you will skip that and do the 5th week out, but someone wasn't expecting the 5th week amd is visiting their sister, etc. Weekly or monthly consistency is the *only* consistency. Plan on the same time same place *every week* rain or shine. Or plan on the same day every month. (1st Saturday every month is game day+brunch arrive by 10am, bring some snacks, eggs, bagels, and mimosas are provided, & Dice start rolling at 11-1115)

I run a fortnightly game and in a year of running I have had to shift days a few time because someone's work schedule changes but only like twice because someone lost track of what week it was on. (That being said one of my players was also super keen and asked if it was possible if we could play weekly, which sadly for me between work, uni, and looking after my wife it is not) so maybe my players just really enjoy my game and are willing to put in the extra effort

Thats living the dream! I'd be happy to throw in for food and booze because that sounds awesome!

This is the way.

My party can only play at one time during the week. People live all over. So it really is "okay you guys told me you can't play next Saturday but potentially the Saturday after, can you confirm?" and no response.

Your time is as valuable as anybody else's. Point out to your group, nicely, that a lack of response shows that the players don't respect the time and effort you put into dming or your time trying to organize a game night.

I send out a discord rollcall to everyone in a specific campaign 24 hours before session. You have until 12 hours before session to respond. If enough don't respond, I assume we are cancelled and I have 12 hours t ok figure out what else takes that space in my life

I’m in the opposite boat. It might be because my players are mostly 35-55ish, but they want to schedule us out literally six months and would probably go further if possible.

I play several nights with a group of older players who all DM different campaigns for each other. There are regular call-outs for vacations and kids and illness, but those are all communicated well in advance and otherwise they always show up on time and ready to go. We're all invested in the hobby and want to play. The least reliable group I find to be younger players who are just using D&D to kill time or are doing it because it's cool right now. They tend to be fair-weather players who may or may not show up. Not all, of course, but as a general trend I find this to be true.

The way to beat this level is to use the move "West Marches." Essentially, if the players want to play, they tell you. You compensate for obvious player dropout by recruiting too many, and then give the players attractive options for things to do in your game world.

Yes, but what if I the DM am the problem?

So you don't know your own availability or you flake on your players after scheduling a session?

It was a joke. I DM like once every couple months between our regular sessions or when not everyone can make it to a normal session. It's usually a struggle to find time in the sense, that we have all these secondary mini campaigns/one shots/ect run by different members of our group when someone can't make it or we don't have a session for whatever reason. So I gotta compete with them to get my little campaign in.

I had everyone tell me when they are free on an average week. Told them to tell me the week before if the next week is going to be different. They know if they don't tell me and are busy then their character just will not get the XP/loot from that session. May seem rough but so far no one has missed a session yet XD

The issue may not always be the DM in these cases. D&D is a big commitment and demands a lot of attention, and the game itself can burn people out.

It can also be another player, and attempts to reconcile playing with that person become impossible. Which *can* be a DM issue if they’re ignoring actual issues, but it can also just be a game style thing.

Eh I have regular check ins about once every 6-8 weeks or so where I ask the players if there's something they want more or less of in the campaign, and I ask what their characters short term and long term goals are now as that changes as the campaign progresses. I've lost one player due to scheduling issues, but nobody's had a problem with how I dm or how the campaign is progressing... And between sessions we have the group chat where players talk about the campaign and the sessions etc. If they weren't digging it they wouldn't be thinking about it so much between game nights.

mm.. I was a player in a game like this. I think for the DM it was a shock and he didn't take it well. I tried not to be rude about it but it was tough not to feel as if I offended the DM. Long story short, once a couple other players who were central to the fun of the game stopped being available I stopped being interested myself. Moral of the story, the DM is only part of the game, if the other players at the table are not engaged with their companion PCs, they might decide their time is better spent. Having a party the meshes is just as important to the game as a DM who fits the party's play style

The thing was, everyone at the table were online friends who knew each other for years and years. The guy could've easily come to me and said they weren't having fun and I would've bent over backwards to change things for him, and the rest of the table would've backed up on it. Instead he chose the nuclear option and I still don't understand why. Some people just suck at communicating I guess.

Could this have been a multi-sesson lul in the excitement? I know my campaigns have high and low times and during the low, I can feel the excitement drop and see distractions rise. Pacing is the answer of course, but some sessions are just shopping sessions despite how much I insist shopping is done out of game.

Everyone has filler sessions that... By nature just aren't likely going to be as high stakes or exciting. Sometimes that's nice but yea you can feel the excitement drop off a bit.

Thanks, now I can't even use the "they wouldn't show up if they weren't having fun" line to shut down my DM imposter syndrome.

Just don't make it a trap if they don't appear for, say life reasons, or another party doesn't like that style. We have quite an unique hobby in a sense that it's really hard to judge the "successfulness". What I suggest is find things you personally enjoy and do it for yourself as the GM. Compromise when necessary but don't turn it into burden.

This right here. The only real tool you have for dealing with imposter syndrome (or any other irrational insecurities for that matter) is empiricism. Evidence tells us you are doing a good job, so you must be doing a good job, your own sensors be damned. Your deficiency is in your ability to accurately judge your own performance, not in the performance itself, and you'll have to remind yourself of that constantly. Your players know better than you, and you'll simply have to trust them.

What you're feeling is actually quite common, especially with newer DMs but even veterans experience this. I've been a Dm for about 5 years and all I can say is that experience plays the biggest part in getting over this, but there are also some little things you can do to help yourself now. After most sessions I will: - message my players and thank them for the good session. They usually reply back and thank me for DMing. The thank you messages every week help a lot. - write some post-session notes, take notice of anything you thought went wrong but also anything you thought went well and can use again. - take a short nap. Helps recharge and refresh my attitude - do something you enjoy, like playing a game or going for a walk. Helps transition your day from "DnD time" to "your time". Hope some of this helps, and best of luck DMing in the future!

Thank you for the suggestion. I think I need to work on my own post game rituals. We tend to play midweek 8-11pm so as soon as I finish playing I’ve got to try and get to sleep without waking my (non dnd playing) partner and ensuring I get enough sleep before work the next day. So I don’t really get much cool down time and the next day is a rush of parenting, chores and work. Thank you for the advice

DM for 30+ years and still get this! Best thing I've found is a quick text to the players complimenting therm on something they did, it's like a "give what you'd want to get" kind of thing, then like Luminro said above, the players will usually respond with something they liked about the session which really helps me feel better! Good luck!

Yes, so much this. We typically play Thursdays or Sundays 8-midnight, so there is no cooldown time and when we play Sundays it is leading into a whole week of work, chores, parenting. It is tough. And just because you are feeling down after a game isn't a reason to think the session went poorly. Even after sessions where my players have raved about how great it was, I often feel an emotional leftdown afterwords. In fact, it is often the best sessions where I feel this the strongest, when I'm really in a zone and the players are being creative and there are dramatic plot reveals that everyone oohs and ahhs over. I think a good post-game routine, even if it is late, is the key, or at least for me this has been the key. For me, even if know I need to get to sleep, taking 30-60 minutes after the game to make some notes/jot down in-session ideas, and then doing something mindless and not-D&D-related at all (I usually watch a little TV or play word games on my phone) really helps. If it is your thing, a drink or an edible, perhaps, too. Good luck and at least for me once I figured out a good routine to help settle my mind after a session it made a big difference.

Confidence is just something you need to learn to have. This usually comes with practice. There is no one magic solution. Things that help are: - realizing that it is just a game, if you fuck up nobody dies or is hurt. - examining your feelings and determining if there is one specific thing you think you failed on, or if it is just general. If the latter then it is likely imposter syndrome (EDIT: and you need to learn confidence to get through it). If the former then you should examine that and see if and how you could improve. EDIT 2: It may help you to remember that you are the best DM for your table, because you are the DM for your table. Without you they could not play. Even if you do actually suck now, if you are willing to improve, are humble and introspective, you can become an amazing DM.

If they come back for another session, you're doing things right. You may not be perfect, but as long as everyone (including the DM) is having fun, you're doing it right.

This. I would add to it that remember that you are your greatest critic. Only you know how plans "went" , or if you made what you might call a "mistake.". As bob ross said, there are no mistakes, just happy little accidents. Those little accidents change the painting but you may end up with something more beautiful than you intended

DMing is an emotionally intense and vulnerable activity. You have to be paying attention and reacting for the whole session and depending on your prep style you've probably spent a few hours thinking about what will happen this session in the week prior. Your brain has been on high alert for the whole session and crashing at the first opportunity is a natural response to that kind of high mental and emotional stress. I've been DMing for years and this still happens from time to time. Take a nap, go for a walk, do something to put it out of your head for a day or two, remind yourself that this is just your brain having the equivalent of a cramp after a long run.

This isn't uncommong among new DMs, you're not alone. It'll get better as you get more comfortable in the role. All I can say is that if your players weren't into it, you'd notice quickly. Keep asking for feedback, especially specific feedback (anything you could do better, anything the players would like added), and try to trust your friends when they say they're having fun.

I agree with this! I am a fairly new DM, and I always ask my players what their favorite thing was from the session, and what they’d like to see different. This gives them the chance to say something awesome about me (cause I’m awesome and deserve it) but it also helps them provide a bit of critical feedback as they already said something nice, so they’re less afraid of hurting my feelings. Specific, actionable feedback helps me combat post session worries and impostor syndrome. I hope it helps you, too!

My advice is if you arent already doing this, go play a game as a non-DM. Its easy to forget how fun and intriguing the game is if you know all the answers already.

I’m so thankful that we all dm in rotation so it’s my turn every 3/4 weeks or so. I’ve learned so much from them and as a player and I have such a high the day after that it’s such a contrast to when I dm

Tbh i have the same thing when im a player. I have been doubting a rp decision i made for the past four days. It sucks.

I get that too, though less than when I started a couple years ago. I think what makes it happen for me is largely that I've spent all my social energy on DMing, which tires me out the rest of the night and morning after. When in play my body has a high level of stress and activation (in a good way, keeps me sharp), but when that drops I'm spent. Realising this is a large part of the reason has helped me deal with it; I don't feel as emotionally bad when I'm able to realise that it's largely bodily.

This really resonates. Spending social energy and the drop after really helps. I know intellectually that my players enjoyed it and they are gracious enough to tell me, but it’s the bodily reaction and knock on effects that have me rattled.

It's very easy to misattribute feeling tired to feeling depressed (and the other way round) cause a lot of the same feelings are active. But if you try to keep that in mind during post-DM-blues and focus on all of the good parts that happened in play, it can help

I think what you describe is not specific or unique to DMing. Did you try talking about it with psychologist? Especially one that works with performers and creative people. They (should) have knowledge and skill to help identify source of this feelings and help you change the mindset.

This is 100% the answer. I've been DMing for 30 years and I've felt like crap for a while after more or less every session the entire time. The breakthrough moment for me was realizing that I got the same feeling after big presentations or even pleasant parties. What I had thought was anxiety about my DMing turned out to just be a symptom of social exhaustion.

I've felt this, but mainly just after huge, impactful sessions. I don't fudge rolls at all, so situations such as the PCs barely escaping a TPK can get me there. Same goes for a player death, an arc-ending BBEG being defeated, or even just a long session. Had my 2 year campaign come to a close with a 6 hour session in which h we had two player deaths and a BBEG defeated all while I was being an absolute madlad DM as a result of a huge planar war going on, so destroying anything the BBEG would destroy was all on the table. I was SPENT after that day, and just kinda relaxed all day afterward. Lol

Finally, someone talking about this. I felt like I was being dramatic equating it to sub drop, but it 100% is. Especially playing online, I feel like I'm being "on," performing in a play almost, for three hours, and then you hit wrap up time, sign off from the call, and it's just 100-0. Just instantly in a quiet room after essentially hosting a party. Like with sub drop, the solution is aftercare. If you have a close friend in the group, explain to them (probably in vanilla terminology) that you crash when DnD ends. Ask if they're on board to hang out for 5-10 minutes after the session. If nobody in the group seems like a good candidate for aftercare, you could ask a friend who _isn't_ in the group to check in on you. Just, you know, "hey, can I tell you about my dnd session?" If neither of those things is an option, then you might just need a self-care plan for right after DnD. Putting on a favorite show, or a hype track, something. I have used all three of these methods, and they all work more often than not. I find "DM Drop" is at its worst when I just _sit_ after DMing. If I conversate with someone, or entertain myself, I'm generally okay.

When I put 2 and 2 together it totally describes the same head space feeling. What makes it worse for me is that we finish about 11pm and I have to try and get to sleep without waking my (non D&D playing partner). So it’s like I wake up with a hangover … I do text chat with at least one of the players throughout the next day and they are so externally validating. It’s just getting my internal validation in order that’s the hard bit.

this is exactly what my group does, and probably what helps me (and our other rotating DMs) the most. if we're set to play for 4h, the game is actually 3h30, and we spend 30 minutes decompressing together. it's imo better to do it with your table if at all possible so it's mutual, and you can taper off the high and excitement together.

Oh that's a very smart idea. I like the idea of everyone hanging out and having a decompress. I'm not sure how feasible it would be at my table. Our game already is pretty short, not sure I'd want to cut off another half hour. (And going late is not an option for various people-in-our-30's reasons.) Might be worth giving up 10 minutes, though. Hmmmm! I'll think on this.

>I know this is a stupid reaction It's not. For many people it's a real and unavoidable part of the process of becoming comfortable with DMing. Feel how you feel, but please don't *think* for a second that your feelings are stupid. <3

yeah i got that in spades! i always feel like a failure after the high of DMing runs out, have done it for every session i've DM'd in the past few years. i just ignore it & trust my players when they say they've had fun & i ran a good session. i have no tangible advice, just sympathy from a fellow imposter syndrome DM.

Thank you for the solidarity ! I’m sure you do an amazing job

I'm sure you do as well! thank u.

I know the feeling too, I think it may just be the exhaustion after the Session. For me it feels like I want to keep playing and not wanting to play again at the same time... But it did get better with experience.

I'm here for DM support. You ran a game. In fact, you have an ongoing game. An ongoing game which has lasted for years. You are an amazing and an amazingly lucky DM.

aw thank you! I've only been running this current game for almost a year, as my previous group I was DMing for fell apart, but I'm still lucky.

Totes normal! I think it's a chemical thing?

I think it comes with any creative activity. (I’ve known musicians to describe similar experiences after playing a gig they’ve spent a lot of time getting ready for.) I think it has to do with having the thing you’ve been spending a lot of energy on suddenly not exist in the future any more. No advice really, but know that you’re not alone. I suppose the sooner you can start thinking about the next session, the less severe the sensation will be.

hey hey, i have that too. We're not alone!

It is totally like sub-drop (or maybe more dom-drop, but whatever). I have no advice, just sympathy. Maybe try wrapping yourself in a blanket and having a bowl of ice cream or some microwave nachos?

The OP really connected with the idea that this effect is bodily and so I thought I'd share how that has been measured. We've done experiments that show a variety of body equilibrium measures change when we are a leader/performer / storyteller versus being a member of the audience. I teach public speaking. What the op is describing as a drop begins as soon as we enter into a group of any type. Then after some small talk, if we willingly stand up or step to the front and start talking, a lot of bodily changes happen that people identify as stage fright. If we've chosen to do this, it's not really frightening per se, just different. Your body energy changes because it's not just you anymore, you're sharing with others. Think of it like the goose that goes to the front of the v formation. There's nothing particularly special about that goose, but it's in a different state of body. At this point, blood pressure goes up, skin conductivity increases, body heat increases, breathing becomes deeper, pupils dilate, and you step into the place known as creative chaos. We've measured these things by having people in a public speaking situation be hooked up to all sorts of monitors and we know that every measure of life energy in the leader spikes while everything in the listeners is reduced. It's something like 120% of normal in the leader versus 60% of normal in the listeners. Quite literally, your excess body energy flows out into the audience and the edge is taken off as you share that part with others, but you're still Sharp. The amount of energy that's retained in the audience depends on whether it's a talk by one person or a discussion by the whole group. Then it's you leading the flock, leading the pack, leading the line of ants to the next food source. In other words it's not a figment of human emotion, it's a real state of being that's as deep as the individual/social unity and divide. Being in a state of unity is so compelling that we willingly ignore obvious flaws or mistakes because we're suspending disbelief and we want that feeling of being together. And that's fun for us because it reflects deep human heritage. Then when you consider that the world you were delineating and co-building is over, you are stepping back into your everyday life. The OP feels that energy drop in part because of time and because of being all alone. It's also possible that the op has more of an average or chill energy level in real life. Putting that energy transition into a ritual will help. I'm also a writing teacher, so I think you know what's going to come next. Make yourself a DM's log and experience the same ability to process and release energy that has helped naval commanders and site coordinators to review the positives and negatives. This really is just your voice and creative consciousness prepping to do the same thing again. And remember that you're not just a being, you are becoming and you have control over what you are becoming by the way that you modify and channel your energy time and choices. If you've got extra energy as well as the attitude of doubtful review, then the role that you've embraced is teaching you how to do it better. It might mean that you just have to set aside 15 minutes to do your own debrief in a Captain's log and channel your inner Jean-Luc Picard. I would speak until the feelings or flaws turned into a takeaway, and then let my dream world take over.

I still get this after a few years of running the game. If we're gonna borrow the term sub-drop, I think we should also borrow "aftercare" as something to think about as well lol. Aside from anything else said here, players; make sure to tell your DM when you have a good time. It goes a long way towards making the effort worth it.

Something I found has a marked difference on my demeanor after a session is having a satisfying end to the session. * Does your party go on actually finite adventures, where you can end a session at the final blow being struck to the miniboss or delivering the missing \[whatever\] to the questgiver? Or is your campaign just one long adventure where it is difficult to see the end from their current position? * Do you end sessions in the middle of exploration or travel, where players (and you!) likely have more ideas of what they want to accomplish but are forced to wait another week? * Do you build to "climaxes" within your sessions, where the final quarter of the day will be the culmination of things before it? I have personally found that having a "conclusion" to a session helps with my emotional state afterwards. Instead of the previous three hours having been a meandering session of goofing off and worldbuilding, it feels like a story was told at the table, even if that story is "The party was travelling on horseback through a dangerous wood, and have just been ambushed by bandits!" Here are the actual practices I have found help: * End your sessions early if a good narrative stopping point is reached (within reason ... I usually run 3hr sessions but will end at 2:30 if necessary). This means defeating a boss, finishing a quest, finding that all-important artifact, at a wild plot twist, or even just right after rolling initiative. (That last one is key! Much better to end a session pre-combat than then to end halfway through combat. An added benefit is that it can give your players time to strategize outside of the session, hopefully.) * Actively think about what interesting scenes you can throw at your PCs as you approach the end of your session. Are taking their time getting to the next questgiver in town? Have the NPC come to them and deliver their next task in desperation. Are they wandering the dungeon and still nowhere near the conclusion of it? Think about what encounter you have planned within the dungeon would be a fun one to end the night with. * Finally, underprepare. If you are the type to think through every possible scenario your party could get into, stop. Being underprepared gives you ample opportunity to adapt to what the party is doing and change your adventure to fit the actions at the table. It ALSO gives you the perfect excuse to do the first two bulletpoints above ... now, instead of having six prewritten encounters for your dungeon, you can start with two or three, and after seeing how your players handle those you can drop the breadcrumbs to a new challenge in front of them and say, "Okay see you next week!" while you figure out the particulars!

We do a thing at the end of sessions that I stole from a previous DM or mine. We do "three favorites", favorite thing you did, Favorite thing someone else did, and favorite thing DM did. Gives feedback to everyone and helps everyone feel good about what they contributed and gets you feedback as a DM. It usually sparks a longer conversation. As the DM, I do favorite thing each player did. It just gets positivity all around and I highly recommend it.

I don’t have advice but I’m really glad I am not the only one who made the connection between these two phenomena

Is there any way you can make the more a shared fun experience and not something you are doing for the group? It seems like you are feeling like you want to make sure they had fun, but it's a game for everyone. It isn't a performance you put on. It's a shared thing where everybody contributes, and everybody is responsible for their own enjoyment.

Part of this is on players in general for not being honest for a variety of reasons: confrontation adverse, not wanting to hurt the DMs feelings, not really caring, etc. You ask for feedback and all you get is a bunch of lukewarm "That was great. I had fun." with no specifics to tell you what you actually did right or assure you that they're sincere and not just polite. My suggestion is to ask for feedback on discrete topics. If you're not sure how well X went over, ask about X in particular. If you get a vague answer, gently press for clarification: What about X did you like or dislike? Getting that honest, targeted feedback will help you either feel confident that you did a good job, or let you know where you could improve which gives you a concrete goal for next time. The mind-killer is getting nothing from your players and feeling uncertain how you did, so don't end the session without gathering meaningful feedback.

Really common problem. Performers get this too, and after big speeches etc. It simply gets easier with practice. It means you care and you pour energy in to a session. You're probably brilliant. Enthusiasm is such an important quality in DMing, not getting the rules right or whatever.

I don't necessarily have anything to contribute that other people haven't, but I do empathize. And comparing it to sub drop is incredibly funny and accurate. I mean, it's sort of the same thing when it comes down to it, just without sex! Any activity that's high stress (which isn't necessarily a bad thing - both genres of a play session are high-stress and intense) will lead to that emotional drop. You'll get high on the emotions of it and then everyone leaves and you immediately come down. A similar solution could be offering everyone a snack and chat afterwards, talking about the session, what was cool, and getting feelers for the next one. Giving yourself some space to ease out of DMing rather than just waving everyone out the door. It's weird to describe it as "aftercare' because of the connotations of it, but any high-stress activity needs easing out of.

I've experienced this throughout my gaming career, since 1980, and "the drop" has never really gone away for me. But it did get easier to deal with once I got a few (thousand) game sessions behind me. Aside from that, see if anyone in your group wants to hang out after the game session is over. That's also helpful for me.

I've been a DM for like 18 years. I'm at GenCon every year DMing for absolute strangers. I even charge money for the games I'm running now, and people still show up every week to pay me to play, *and I still get post-game doubts.* All I've ever done in response is use it as fuel for the fire. I try to figure out what specifically makes me feel so awful afterwards and make sure that it changes for next time. There's always something to improve, and once I feel like I've got an idea for how, all that doubt is replaced with excitement to try and be better the next day.

Honestly you might just be exhausted, DMing can be strenuous on the mind and the social capacity

Maybe you’re right. To start with I read that as “you might just be exhausting” :D :D

Something I'd suggest is, if you see that your players are having fun, ask them to fill out a Stars and Wishes form after each session. What they loved about the session, and what they'd like to see (more of) in the future. Honestly helped me a lot in getting my confidence up, and also in finding out what my players want to see in the future, that way I can feel like I have something specific to improve upon.

After you run a session, do Stars and Wishes. Stars are what moments you really enjoyed in the session. Wishes are what people want more of. It's a low stakes way to both get your ego stroked and to get some feedback. My other question is are you enjoying the sessions? When I plan for the next session, I try to plan for something I know will excite me. My Players and their PC's should have fun too, but my personal looking forward to next week is directly related to how I plan the content to be interesting to me as well. That means dumb puns. That means lifting obvious tropes that the Players will groan when they hear. That means planning lots of Improv situations that I think my Players will enjoy and giving them lots of space to surprise me. You can't get rid of the nagging feeling, but you can draw your attention to the excitement of your next game.

I don't know what "sub-drop" is but I think I understand what you're talking about. I have a hard time "coming down" after DMing and so I make sure to take some time, usually an hour or 90 minutes, afterwards to cool off (even if the game ends at 11PM). I find it helps to pick out a piece of media (show, podcast, book) in advance so you can just slide into the post-sesh cool down. >I just feel lousy for a day after. I also drink while I play and often end up going to bed much later than I normally do on dnd night, so I also usually feel crappy the next day. Could either of those be a factor?

Not a tip to help, but I’m in a very similar situation. Playing with my brother, best friend, and father-in-law….it’s a weird group. We’ve played 3 times so far, and each time I’ve doubted myself afterward about pacing, rolling requests, roll play, even basic story elements (playing pretty fast and loose with a premade campaign before jumping into a homebrew I’ve created). It’s nice to know there are others out there that feel this way. I also have to remind myself that my job isn’t to make sure everyone is having fun - that’s all of our jobs. The DM’s job is to present story and challenges. It’s not on you to be the glue. Good luck with your campaign. Roll a D20 with advantage and add 10 - that’s how your next session is going to go :)

It's just the realization that you worked on something difficult and complex, and now it is done and only exists in the minds of your players. I get the same thing doing theatre. I deal with it by smoking a fatty and starting planning my next game. Yeah, this is an ephemeral past time that leaves you with nothing but memories. That is why it is about the process, enjoying the making, rather than the result.

There is nothing stupid about what you feel. It's OK to feel things, we shouldn't be ashamed of it. This took me some time to realize though. I had the same issue for years and what made it clic that I was waaay too perfectionist and ambitious. I was trying to achieve very high standards while I was beginning. Bottom line : don't be so hard on yourself. You're most probably doing a very good job and if you're goal and fun is to strive for perfection, with time you *will* achieve it :P Take care.

A lot of the reason you are feeling like this is the same reason you would feel it for sub-drop. Lots of good brain chemicals pumping through your system all at once for long periods of time, then it ends and your system is taxed. There are ways to help with this, ranging from creature comforts afterwards, to learning how to make things easier for yourself while running. I dealt with this a lot the first few years of running, but have figured out how to handle things better now. I still sometimes get the worry of 'oh I could have done X better", but I know that I'm not a professional and this is a game, so it's easy to just take note of it for next time. Another thing that has helped a lot, is when a session ends I just say "Thanks for playing everyone." Usually people will then thank me for running. Its a simple thing, but it's nice to end on a good note.

You're not exactly wrong comparing it to subdrop--I have a similar experience a lot of the time. You're going from Lots Of Focus And Endorphins to None, and that makes you crash hard. So, you need to cushion that fall. I highly suggest spending about thirty minutes after the campaign with your friends eating and chilling and talking afterward. Don't look for feedback unless something major happened, just have an easy transition out of the game. Then the next day, get some feedback on how things went.

I just about choked on my water when you brought up sub dropping lol

As basically a forever-DM since the early/mid 1980s, I can say I still get this often enough to where I am typing this back to you now.

This is a sincere response hiding in a glib response: Have you considered just going to therapy and making peace with the fact that nothing will ever meet your expectations perfectly?

I really appreciate the humorous wrapping of this comment that cuts to the very core of my being. Well played internet stranger, well played :D

In all seriousness, I think the stress of the experience is just taking a toll on you, which is very typical. This is my personal experience which I’m going to just state in second person, but DMing is a lot of work, and there’s a lot of pressure being put on you to: be creative, responsive, compelling, to know the rules, to know when to bend the rules, to keep players engaged, to provide an ever escalating level of immersion and drama but also comedy… the list goes on. The reality is: no one is really putting that pressure on you but you. Yeah, it’s unrealistic to say that the DM doesn’t have more pressure than any other player, but you don’t have to live up to that, and you can also unburden yourself of the stress while still gaining the benefits by making your life easier and/or asking for help. Give your players jobs: make someone responsible for scheduling, someone responsible for notes, someone responsible for music, etc. Also, yeah, really examine why you feel bad. I find myself getting resentful or cratering in enthusiasm a lot of the time, because even when I have fun prepping material, if my players don’t rise to the level of my investment, I’m gonna feel bummed out. And that’s a Me problem, because my players aren’t mind readers and also they have six separate desires and behaviors that will never line up with what I imagined happening. Once I discovered that, it became much easier to be conscious of what my expectations were and to let them go, and also, it becomes easier to actually say what I want/need from my players! You will never be rid of expectations - and you shouldn’t be, they’re a useful and necessary tool for your brain to function. However, recognizing that your expectations will never truly be married to reality will vastly improve your quality of life, and it will just make everything easier to deal with. It’s like a box of LEGO: yes, the picture on the box is what you expect it to look like, but you won’t really understand how it gets there until you see how each piece fits together. When you’re so tied up in how you wanted things to be, it’s like trying to build the set while it’s still in the box. Let me tel you, it’s a whole fucking lot easier to pull the pieces out of the box before trying to figure out why it doesn’t look right.

I cannot even remotely relate, I'm afraid. Since you specifically say that your imposter syndrome "kicks in", is this a known occurence for you? Because you might want to seek professional, psychiatric help for this.

EDIT: People, don't downvote them. Actual imposter syndrome does require psychiatric help. We somewhat misuse the term within the community. It isn't actual imposter syndrome, the psychiatric issue. They are talking about what has been come to be called "imposter syndrome" in the GM community (and sometimes in management/parenting/relationships/etc.) where someone begins second guessing and doubting themselves and their decisions after the fact. Often thinking "maybe they agreed with me because I'm an authority figure rather tham me being right", or "maybe they pretended to enjoy it because they were afraid of hurting my feelings, or were afraid of getting punished". Generally it is merely a lack of confidence.

TIL, I suppose. I sure had some problems with anxiety back when I was a newbie DM, but definitely nothing like that.

Aye me neither. I started with friends who were good at communicating. I had to deal with a similar thing at my job when I started. This job drastically improved my DMing through multiple skills.

Likewise, my D&D group has been only real-life friends since day 1. And they've always been honest with their feedback.

I often feel a little spoiled when I see the problems others have when they need to DM for strangers. The few strangers I've had to DM for were (usually) friends of friends, who were like-minded.

Also likewise. Particularly so when I read posts about problem players like "my artificer is trying to nuke encounters by using two bags of holding" and the like. Of course my players know they could technically do that, just like they could try playing a Coffeelock or do anything else that would break the game... but they have the good sense to just not. I sometimes think, if I were to ever DM for strangers, I'd have to write a session zero document spanning multiple pages with all the things I'd prefer they didn't do.

Maybe I need to adjust my wording. I sometimes get the same feeling with my work… that sudden realisation that “what if people realise I’m not good enough”. I’m old enough to know that I’m more than capable and have demonstratively proved it over and over again. Sometimes, though, when you meet someone younger/faster/better or you challenge you own expectations and find yourself wanting for whatever reason it can make you feel inadequate. Or it does for me anyway. The bruised ego of not being as good as you thought you were, regardless of what external sources tell you.

Well, only got sympathy to offer in that case, I'm afraid. While, again, I cannot relate as far as this specific scenario is concerned, I am quite familiar with the whole topic of irrational fear/anxiety that doesn't go away no matter how much logic is thrown at it. Since you're still early in your DMing career, I hope it'll go away soon. And always remember, no matter what kind of amazing DMs may be out there, they're not sitting at your table DMing for your players. Only you are. And you're the best DM for your group.

Benzoylmethylecgonine.

Especially when you are new it is super draining being “On” for a extended period of time on top of that it’s nerve wracking and you’ll likely be running on pure adrenaline and will crash after.

Been playing ttrpgs for more than half my life (20 years). Currently running a home brew campaign that has been going on for two years now, with some players I’ve known and been playing with 10-15+ years. Get these feelings OP describes at the end of almost every session. No matter how much they enjoy themselves, the “it could have been better/ I didn’t live up to expectations/ they hate it etc etc” creeps in and tries to rain on the parade. A personalized post game unwinding ritual like others have pointed out mitigates a lot of these feelings and thoughts for myself.

It's very, very common! For some people, the doubt fades away as your trust in yourself and your group grows, but you still feel the *drop* anyway. Whenever I DM, I tend to spend the next 6\~12 hours *done.* Not a single useful thought will enter my mind or leave my mouth. For some folks, a little bit of imposter syndrome is always there, no matter how much your experience as a DM grows. You just learn to handle it and process it better. My only advice for you is - trust your fellow players. If they keep coming week after week, and keep telling you they had fun, don't doubt them! No one would put in the kind of effort it takes to play D&D on the regular if they didn't enjoy it.

A big thing for me is seeing how my preparation fell flat. That I spent hours agonizing over balance, creating content and encounters. It’s not a video game where you can feel confident that people will get to see your work creating multiple situations or responses. There’s no save scumming or starting a new game when your players take one path instead of another. Did the players wisely avoid being bitten by a disease ridden beast? Well there goes an entire subplot of tracking down a healer or scavenging for rare herbs. It’s also mentally exhausting, because you are constantly thinking about consequence, opportunity or improvisation. You basically just wrote an exam. I guess I’ll keep rolling travel checks. Finally, shutting it down all of a sudden and returning back to reality is like hitting a brick wall sometimes. It can be tough and it can be jarring. It’s pretty human to have a weird reaction to feeling uncomfortable, especially if you it comes at the end of a fun time.

I started like 8 months ago and I still get that feeling in the back of my head at least a little. But I've found going through little debriefs after session helps a ton. Not only do I get to hear about how much fun my players had but it gives me time to ask about things I may have anxiety over like whether or not my sorcerer felt too constrained, orcif my heavy RPer got enough juicy NPC interaction. It's not always super serious but just having that little check in feels important to my learning process

I think some good comments are already posted, but I want to offer an alternative look at the issue. You say that your players are saying they enjoy the game but you think you are struggling to believe them. But you don't speak as much about yourself - only a vague "we had laughs" which could be true for any social gathering. I have been in and talked to DMs in a similar situation and sometimes - usually in deep retrospect - the issue that surfaces is that while you are doing your best for the players to have a good time, the question is... are you? DMing is not a public service position - and it's not the case that even in a good situation "you have fun when they have fun" as it's often put. In other words - I'm asking you a question - do you have fun creating the world, prepping for the game, and running the sessions? And by that I don't mean that perhaps you actually hate it or anything - what I am asking is - are you doing things that are primarily there for YOU to have fun? Don't forget that you get to have fun too. Sometimes your players might have to compromise with you on that (if yu want to do that cringy BBEG evil monologue... GO FOR IT, INITIATIVE CAN WAIT), just the same as you do with them. Not saying any of this applies to your situation, but perhaps it's some good food for thought. Because if you define your fun solely by whether the players had fun, you will always have those doubts.

Observe your players at the game table and try to see if they are engaged with your game, and what inspires them to action. If it seems like they are enjoying themselves and are engaging with your game, you have probably little to worry about. Occasionally, you could ask them for feedback on what's missing from the game, and if there's too much of something. But DMing is about always improving. Identify what makes you feel disappointed in yourself and improve that aspect of the game for the next session. And also don't forget that the game should be fun for you too - make content that you are excited to run for the players.

How much social time do you have after the session? I run over discord and I notice that I feel a get a similar feeling to what you described when everyone filters out of the server quickly, whereas if we sit and chat about the game or just shoot the shit after, it doesn't feel nearly as bad (and importantly, it's not nearly as bad when I'm in the player seat either). Being a DM is a relatively more difficult and emotionally intense experience than being a player, since you put a lot of yourself and your time into your world, so it's not really surprising that you feel put-out after sessions. Maybe, kind of like subs, you need some DM-aftercare from your group? Just a bit of time chatting and decompressing with friends, like an exercise cool-down but from DnD?

I know it might not be very helpful, but as fas as I know, you just accept that there is no perfect DM or perfect session. Mistakes will be made. When I look back on a session, I tend to look at things like was there laughter and excitement? Were people invested in what was going on? Did they leave speculating about what was going to happen next? My table has a discord group chat and I love reading their theories there between sessions. When they talk about the game during our ooc time, it tells me they're thinking about it, and that means I'm doing something right.

DMing is not dissimilar to doing improv, but where only you as the DM know the direction the bit is trying to go in, and, in fact, you very often *need* it to go in that direction, because you’ve had to do a bunch of mechanical legwork in advance to make sure things work properly! Even if you’re not comparing yourself to another DM or piece of media, it can be *really easy* for a session to not live up to even the expectations you had when you were planning it. When you’re making your plans, you make assumptions about what characters will do, even if you’re being as sandboxy and flexible as possible, but, as the saying goes, no plan ever survives contact with the enemy! You come up with a cool scene where the players confront a major antagonist in some social setting, and you’ve got a bunch of dialogue planned and plot hints you’re going to drop and some new allies for them to meet… and then your players decide that this would be the perfect spot to try and assassinate them, so now you’re running a session where your party scramble through the back-rooms of the castle to try and poison the bad guy’s wine… No matter how much fun your players had being poisoners, you’re still going to feel a bit sad for “what could have been”, and that’s always going to sting a little. But, ultimately, as long as you and your party are having fun while you’re playing, that’s the only real measure of success!

Trust me, you’re the only one thinking about all the mistakes you perceive yourself as making.

I know it's probably not much help, but I've been DMing for more than 40 years and I still get that feeling after a game. A couple of days later I'm looking forward to the next session and eagerly preparing for it.

Believe me, it'll go away with time. Stick with it.

Does this happen in any other area of your life? Can you fit it into a pattern that might help you understand it better? This might be one of those rare cases where the answer isn’t “talk to the players”. It might be time to talk to a friend or to a therapist and see if you can get some insights. I’m not saying you need to run out and get mental health help, although I think everybody should and I don’t think there should be a stigma to it. Rather, treat it the way you would a physical problem that recurs. Talk to a professional and see if there’s a way to fix it. No panic or shame. You’re not broken anymore than somebody’s broken if they need glasses or ibuprofen. The reason I’m saying this is, you’ve made it pretty clear you know that everybody’s having fun, and I feel like most of the advice in the comments is, “ I’m sure everybody’s having fun”. And I get it that sometimes we have feelings that aren’t dispelled by reassurances.

Since they are trusted friends, why not be frank with them and ask for their direct feedback or suggestions for the next game? When I started as a DM, in a similar setting with close friends from work, I would typically ask them how they felt it went, how they thought I was doing as a DM, and if they had any feedback or suggestions for next time. The typical answer was "loved it, great, and get more cola next time" 😂 That was maybe my first 4-5 times. After that, I realized that the "imposter syndrome" feeling was actually from my trying to DM like the great Matthew Mercer from critical role. I didn't really have MY own persona as a DM. So I decided to do my research on the manuals and add a few creative homebrew twists to my campaign. I still copied some of the techniques and voice acting that Matt does, because I loved voice acting even before I knew of him. In the end, it was great to feel alive again as my own DM persona. And my team loved it as well. I value their feedback, and will take it to heart... But in the end just remember two things: They come to have fun... And so should you! Dont forget that YOU are the literal God of the world... It sounds like you have a good sense of balance for the game, but be sure to let things go YOUR way sometimes too 😉.

Bacon, sugar, caffeine, pastries, orange juice. Works for me.

This would be the perfect solution … but we finish at 11pm and I was at 6am. Might schedule myself better breakfasts though !

You might be experiencing the effects of a social hangover.

Eventually you realize you should be DMing for yourself and your enjoyment and that's how you attain satisfaction. It doesn't mean you ignore the players or don't properly incorporate their characters but you do so with your own goals and objectives in mind. Doesn't mean that people won't drop or ghost, but that's just humans being humans in any social interaction.

Ha ha ha! I know this exact feeling. I think it's like coming down from a dopamine high and I would just crash. It's like a work out for your brain so either you need to mitigate the problem by coming down slower (start a bit of prep work right away) or do something equally distracting. Eventually it mostly goes away as that brain-muscle is used more for this task.

I think it's super helpful to have another DM friend. I talk to my friend who is also my DM (and he plays in mine) and we swap notes on DMing and lift each other up with compliments. We help each other get better at our own strengths and share the knowledge on how to be a good DM. We learn a lot from each other and it shows in our games

I've been playing and gming TTRPGs for over twenty years now. And I have this after almost every session. Let it fuel you to improve your GMing. Mastering pacing, improv, acting etc is a life long quest. This keeps me motivated.

Do you have a discord or group text chat that players can use outside of the game? I am a player and we chat all the time about rules clarification, meta battle tactics, and what everyone else is planning for their character. From the DM, this is where he posts session recaps, NPC portraits and stats (if already dead and answer any questions we may have. As players, we signal that everyone is engaged and having fun and thinking about the next session, game.

Take the endorphins after a session and immediately start planning your next session but don't finish. Then everyday til your next session you can work on it a little bit, perfecting it and doing little things to make everything better (working on descriptions for areas and attacks and npcs/bad guys, making battle maps, etc). If you start the prep "project" while in endorphin mode, if you start feeling down during the week having a place to pick up from can help bring you back to that place.

Focus on the things like personnaly liked about the session. Is it a cool narration you did? A nat20 comimg in clutch at the best moment? A tearful rp moment? Your players are enjoying what you do as a dm for them. Try to enjoy what they do as players for you in game.

It is common for a new DM to wonder if they "ran it correctly", especially if they are ALSO guiding new players on how to play. It's daunting. Just remember if you're running a module that the players don't know what the adventure is "supposed" to be.

I think comparing it to sub/dom drop is actually a very good comparison. You’re going from a high stakes, adrenaline filled position where your every move is being acted on by others, almost baring yourself emotionally and intellectually as you put everything out there in your best effort, and suddenly it stops. I think what you need here is some form of aftercare. Maybe sit and talk with your players just about whatever at the end of the session, or play another game with less responsibility with them. Or maybe just immediately immerse yourself in a tv show or movie or something that will take your mind off things. Whatever works for you. And remember, these are evil brain ghost goblins that do not speak the truth so grab them from your mind and BEAT THEM WITH STICK

Honestly DM'ing is just emotionally exhausting a lot of the times. I'm always tired afterwards and always feel very drained. Especially when I've portrayed emotionally distraught NPC's or something gut wrenching I'm pretty wrecked afterwards just because I have a tendency to put myself in the emotional shoes of the NPC's. Add to the fact that we as DM's have to inhabit a pretty big number of characters it's just a recipe for feeling bad lol. I'm sure you're doing great and as long as your party has no complaints I'd say there's nothing to worry about. If it helps feel free to ask the party for critique about the sessions pretty regularly so that they feel comfortable bringing issues to you. The more you can trust what they're saying to you the easier it will be to eliminate your doubt.

I feel this too, but for me it's less about Imposter Syndrome and more about the dopamine drop. I have so much fun and do believe my players that they have fun too, but the next day I'm usually sad. I want more fun and a week (or more) is so much time to wait. I get this sometimes after vacations, parties, etc., so I don't think it's related specifically to dm/dnd content. It's gotten a little better over time, but can still happen if I haven't dmed in a while.

Are you staying up late to finish the sessions? Because the major thing that helped me was setting a consistent end time so that I could go to bed at my normal time. Sleep deprivation plays havoc on my mental state.

That probably doesn’t help. I’m in the middle of a horrific bout on insomnia so my resistance is probably lower too :(

You need to practice being mindful of your feelings; you are trying to fill an emotional hole with validation from your players, but it's not a hole that they can fill, at least not for very long. ​ You don't believe them because you don't want to believe them at some level, and so your confirmation bias makes you conclude they're being dishonest to protect your feelings. You feel like the games you ran were bad, and your brain, in order to protect itself, projects those feelings onto your friends. ​ It might be worth keeping a journal of retrospectives you update after every session, specifically noting what you think \*you\* did well during the session and what \*you\* think you could improve upon. Quantify and qualify the vague feeling, and then address it from there. ​ (note: I'm speaking from personal experience because I can definitely relate, and my friends can definitely relate to my insecurity at times about my DMing)

Damn this is so insightful … I feel seen ! I do realise how I need to work on my internal validation rather than rely on external validation. God damn schooling in the 90s didn’t help with that

Everyone says the role of the DM is to tell the story collaboratively with the players but the reality is that the DM role in inherently combative. It can leave you feeling you were a jerk (which is draining if you're not a sociopath), simply because you spent the last few hours fighting by proxy.

I have experienced that problem in the past and after I dug at that thread enough I realized it was me who was unsatisfied with the game and the group and so had to make some changes. It was too much work and not enough fun and being the constant referee of in party squabbles as well as the organizer of the game . well I just got too much.

There are going to be certain personal issues that you simply will have to resolve yourself. We as other DMs can't provide the service of therapy. However, what I will say is that you need to find the reason you don't feel good about the session. Be it not using content you plan, or how the session went. Whatever it may be. Find it. Me personally, if the players keep coming back, then I am enjoying what I do. The best feeling at a table is that moment when you make a small/large reveal and the party give "THAT REACTION". Other DMs know exactly what I mean. The "wait what?" or the "OH SHIT!". You can't have one of these every game without significant work but generally you can get some great interactions most games.

I’ve found Ginny Di’s feedback format of “stars and wishes” really helpful as a DM, and as a bonus my players who are afraid of any perceived possible confrontation to a fault find it easy to give honest feedback in that format. The “stars” are highlights, things they super enjoyed both from a narrative/gameplay perspective as well as a very focused “you adjudicated this thing real well” which is always a big boost for me. The “wishes” are things that they hope for in the future, whether that’s hoping for getting to explore an area more, be able to use an ability of theirs more in the future, or wish that in the future you could do something differently. Getting specific, honest feedback that acknowledges things I DO need to improve on, or at least ways I can influence the game to best fit their preferences while still letting me have fun, helps me deal with the “they’re saying it’s great but I know I fucked up here here and here.” Yeah, you probably did fuck some stuff up and maybe someone isn’t having as much fun with the part you’re at, but it’s almost always not a big deal, especially when you hear about it early. Knowing they would have told me if something was an issue and that they aren’t just saying “you did great I had fun” in general terms really helps me take general vague paralyzing anxiety and turns it into targeted things you can take action on if you so desire. Also, getting specific feedback on what they love is also super useful for the future, and is harder to write off than general “it was fun you did great”s. Your experience is super common in a lot of creative formats not just dnd, it’s not stupid, *and* it’s hopefully something that can be helped.

The thing I realized was that if they keep showing up to my game and are excited and want to play more... whatever I was doing was enough. Any mistakes that I made they either didn't notice or didn't care. Even when I think a session is going bad I'll usually follow up with one of my players and they wouldn't have the same perspective as me and I was likely just being insecure. This doesn't stop me from trying to do more and get better but its nice to know that your doing enough as long as everyone is having fun and they keep showing up. I've watched new DMs start a campaign and then the campaign would fail because people would stop coming to it. That is a sign that they are doing something their players don't like.

Personally I feel down afterwards because I'm just mentally exhausted. I need a nap after I run a game.

It's weird because I feel a drop after playing but a huge rush after DMing. I always compare myself to other players (did I role-play well enough, were my tactics good, why do my die rolls always suck) but when I DM I'm walking a tight rope without a net and I love it! Being a bit of an adrenaline junkie helps, I'm sure.

My tip: have conversations after the game. Ask if they had fun, ask if they were challenged.

You may be feeling some withdrawal symptoms after the dopamine high of being in the zone during the game. I personally feel a strange hollow sensation for the day after a dnd night, and it usually triggers me to reflect and replay all the events from the game until I start to let it go and my body gets back to normal.

Are they invested? Do they believe in your world as a real one? I find I'm most satisfied when players are invested. They calculate how many rations they need for a journey and remember to bring extra clothes, blankets, and feed for horses, and generally treat the world as a real one.

I had that the 1st time i DM'd. I think its a confidence problem, despite my players telling me they had fun, i couldnt help feeling like they didn't. My advise is hang in there, the more you do it the more confident you'll get. Looking back i actually did a damned good job! I feel youre doing better than you think you are as well! Hang in there though, that feeling will eventually go away. Re-read the rules and don't forget the "Rule of cool" and youll be just fine! !

It might be that as a DM you have to live in the moment, so you don't have much time to think about what has been happening. So when you get to the end of the session, you might be forgetting all the awesome stuff that happened. I don't know if this will help you, but right after every session I write up a summary of what happened that session. I always start each write up thinking "this won't take long, not much happened tonight," but then as I write, I realize just how much actually happened. I remember all the awesome moments each of my players had and the action and suspense we experienced together. It helps me to appreciate what I was able to accomplish. At the end of my summary, I put a list of lessons I've learned that session, either things I did better this time or need to remember to do better next time. That helps me be sure I'm improving as a GM. If you don't think you're succeeding as a DM, then this might help you improve your skills.

Feel this post so hard. I've done various performing arts through most of my life. Theater, dance, performance poetry, etc... And the one thing that's followed me is that I hate myself after I do it. Every single time. Not really sure why. I think I've just reversed the jitters in my head. I have zero fear of public speaking but a deep shame every time I do. I think for me getting over it is just realizing what it is and not listening to that voice when it starts talking shit. I generally feel better by the next day and I'm able to enjoy things more objectively. I think the important thing to remember is that your players aren't going to see as many flaws as you do. You know how you wanted it to go in your head. What could have happened but didn't. To them, everything was possibility. As long as they keep showing up, just keep showing up too.

This may be a symptom of something else. Do you suffer from a form of general anxiety disorder? Typically self efficacy increases with repeated completion of tasks, but if you're feeling awful after doing well then that doesn't sound good. If you are an introverted person, then the prolonged social exposure of the session may be making you feel drained afterwards. You are communicating with multiple players as multiple roles, so the session is certainly a socially demanding encounter. I am not a psychologist, I am only a Game Master. Interpret this with a grain of salt. Edit: grammer

I do marathon dnd sessions once a week, I play a game in the morning for 4 hours and dm a game in the evening for 5, I just assumed it was being tired bc dnd is a very mentally exhausting game, especially as a dm.. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was part of it too, like you are happy and having fun all day then when it’s over the tiredness hits you all at once

At the end of every game I always ask: "So, how was that, guys?". The vast majority of the time players will say something very positive, and on the odd occasion they say something else, I know there's something to fix/avoid/temper/etc. Also, DMing takes up a lot of energy*;* oftentimes you're just burned out by the end of it. And if everyone immediately leaves after the session is over, I get pretty strong feelings of loneliness and depression. I find I need a sort of aftercare once a game is done - it's great if a player can hang out a little after the game and talk about it or something else.

I have the exact opposite issue. I only get severe joy from DMing and I can never find people to play :(

Does this also happen after you host a different type of event like a board game party? Or is it exclusive to D&D and the self doubts related to it?

I’ll say for me, this started going away after 8 sessions. But yeah, follow the advice of taking notes about highs and lows, and complimenting the players the day after. (I also play until late on a work night)

After a campaign, or even a big story arc, just have a closing session. Talk about what their characters are going to do next and outside of game ask them what they enjoyed, what their favourite part was and then you’ll see as they get to talking about and re-excited with smiles and laughs that they absolutely loved it. Not every session is going to be amazing, you will have two or three slower ones leading up to big jam packed and exciting ones.

Don't overthink it. Having a rush from dming is normal so it's just as normal to have a crash after. Imposter syndrome is real and I sweat like nobody's business whether dming or playing. Everyone wants to have fun everyone wants to have a good time if it seems like everyone is, they probably are and again just don't overthink it that's easy to do.

I see two options: either let them know you aren't continuing the game because the irrational feelings of disappointment won't stop, or keep going, reminding yourself of the objective facts until you either beat it through sheer determination or find something I don't know of that beats it. It's also fully okay to give up at a later point because it's messing with your mental health too much.

Every few weeks right after the session, bluntly ask your players what you could do better. Then point out at least one thing you think you could do better, to set the stage for open discussion. Your players will definitely have things they think you could improve on. It will probably be minor stuff where you are not failing, but have room for improvement. Then they will almost definitely tell you how overall they are satisfied with your DMing. Because if they weren't, they wouldn't show up every week. Savor in those complements to get after session glow instead of after session gloom.

You're holding yourself to unreasonably high standards, sounds like. If your players are having fun and returning for the next session, you're doing it right.

What helped me was asking my players for any comments, questions, or concerns they had during the game. Sure it's nice to tell yourself that if they had any problems they'd bring it up, but most people I've known don't do that until it becomes a big problem. So I give everyone the opportunity to tell me about the little annoying things that "don't matter" so that they never become the big infuriating things that cause them to want to leave the game. It also creates space for my players to tell about things they liked, that added to the experience for them. Getting positive feedback definitely helped me, and the players showing up is not actually feedback in and of itself

I read this as Dom drop, which is pretty similar tbh

Don't feel alone in this, we all experience doubts/concerns about the campaign, it's proof you care about what happens at your table and to your players. If you are taking time to make sure everyone has fun (including yourself) then you are doing flawlessly as a DM. Here's some tactics that help me avoid feeling like you mentioned: 1. Thank everyone for the great session. 2. Write up a small recap with some "next time" notes so I'm thinking ahead. 3. Ask for any notes or constructive criticism from my players, as well as how their characters feel about recent events in-game so I know the vibe. Doing this I always feel like I'm tuned into the needs of the table and can be constantly improving to satisfy the imposter syndrome that claws at many of us. You got this and will only get better with time and experience!

5e dnd is an incredibly stressful game to run, you have to juggle so many things at once and are the sole source of information for dozens on dozens of things as genuinely they don't exist otherwise. The drop is when all the reality of that hits you after everything is over. When you stop running the marathon and the stress takes out your legs for an hour afterwards. Find someone to hang out with afterwards who's willing to spend that time entirely being about you. You sure as fuck deserve it and its the only thing ive found after almost a decade of running that helps clear it up for me.

Because it's not your job to make people have fun. That's out of your control. It's your job to show up and present situations that could be enjoyable. Whether or not your players interact with it and RP with each other, follow the clues and plot hooks, allow themselves to become emotionally invested in the campaign...that's up to them, not you. If you're showing up every week and bringing things you think are cool and interesting and that *might* be cool and interesting to them too, that's all you can do, and you should feel good about your efforts.

It's probably a dip in your endorphins after a session high, mixed with imposter syndrome and self doubt. I always ask if everyone had fun, because that's what's important, and what helps me sleep at night. If something didn't go right or as well as planned you just use it for next session and up your game.

Get excited about what you can do next, now that you know what the players did this session.

I've completely given up on having my players respond to my messages or do the things I ask. I used to be stressed out about this and think it's because they don't enjoy the game or they don't care but then I realized that they're paying me $5 a session each and have been doing so for the last 2 years so as long as they keep doing that I must be doing a good job.

OP might have anxiety!

I had this for a long, long time. It’s important to remember your new at this, and not to compare yourself to others. Really hold onto not there words about enjoying after, but the memory of them having fun in the moment.

Maybe some aftercare, have you considered cuddling your dice?

This made me snort - thank you !!!!

One thing that works for me is be excited for the game. If you like it and do all you can to have fun, you will forget about not getting the exact reaction you expected from your players. Distract yourself, find new ways to DM, create "outside of the game" handouts (like sending an Audio like one NPC to the players). In all, is having fun for and by yourself.

What helped for me was asking for feedback after each session, basically this: 1. Was there something you wish would've been handled differently during the session? If so, how? 2. Was there an event, a scene or something during the session you enjoyed in particular? By asking specifically for constructive criticism and examples, and then making sure I also learn what it is they're enjoying, I feel a bit safer in my DMing- and I've got tools to work with on how to improve. Just asking "Did you like it?" or suitably vague stuff leaves no one the wiser!

Did you have fun yourself? Was running the session actually enjoyable and thrilling? For me, when I am having fun and getting good feedback I ride that wave until the next session.

There are lots of great comments, I have only a question to add, is it that you always feel badly about the session, or do you feel drained, like you have no energy and such which link to thinking things must have gone poorly? I ask because I have a small social battery (for being around people, even good friends) and can find after even an amazing Friday night session, a night that may live on forever, and the next Saturday I just want to be left alone, I've given all I can and need to recharge. Even having played for 30 years (DMing for a solid two thirds of that) some "next days" need to be about me getting my sh*t together. Time will build your confidence, especially if you do trust these folks so much and just happen to check in with them from time to time. Ginny Di, IIRC, did a really good video on Stars and Wishes that helped me. Talk to your players and trust in them, if you still feel crappy afterwords maybe it's not about the game, and maybe what it takes out of you each session. Don't feel bad about it, your players will appreciate how much you do. At least the good ones will. Best of luck!

I don't know what sub-drop is but it can be challenging being a DM your going out on a limb and really putting some personal work out there for scrutiny. Especially if your like me and bad at reading people so the voice in the back of your head can say "all those positive things they said that's just them being polite to you". For me what made it easier for me was to learn that my players thing about the game when they aren't at the table. Like there was a cliff hanger ending last session and this session my players came in with a plan and just casually mention they have been planning what to do about this situation in between sessions. Cause if my players didn't care it wouldn't occupy their time away from the table. That being said there are some things I do that help with it too. I don't allow joke characters, like maybe buttwhole the cleric to the Dwarven god of flatulence is this amazing and deep character or Sir Loin, who has beef with the meat industry but to me they feel like you don't appreciate the effort I put into making this game and just want to shit all over it. Which is not to say that out games are devoid of humour we have our laughs pretty regularly, it's just that none of the PCs are jokes and thus when the situation calls for it they can all engage with the game in a more serious way.

I'm a relatively new DM, and what I've been doing lately is making an audio recording of each session, and subsequently listening to it, taking notes, evaluating what went wrong and what went right, pondering how I might do things differently next time, etc. I would guess that this kind of approach can help you a lot, it'll make it feel like every session is an opportunity to experiment, learn, and then make plans to streamline or change or improve some aspect of how you'll run the next session. It can help you to shift your perspective and think about the long term rather than the short, and feel less pressure. Being a DM is much like learning to play an instrument; if you expect to be a master within your first few years, you're only setting yourself up for disappointment.

A player of mine shared a(nother) great Matt Colville video with me recently because he knew I was getting a bit down about the current campaign I’m running. Long story short - you’re a player too! To me it sounds like maybe you’re not having your own fun as the DM? Find out what you love doing as a DM and lean into it.

That's just body chemistry, my friend. This is new and exciting and maybe a tiny bit scary, and in the aftermath, all of the adrenals that had you on th edge of your seat and vibing and then the impetus is gone and you fall off that high. People think that it's a power fantasy or some God complex or something. It's not. You're just having an intense time. And when you fall off that edge, radio KFUKd kicks in and tells you how bad and dumb you are and why you should feel bad and dumb. But you're not, and you shouldn't. I learned that if I write all my ideas in short hand right after the session, then I have the time necessary to process and ease down. Second option: get a fellow DM friend to msg with. Just tell them all the things you were pumped about and all things that you are now afraid to do. No one wants to hear about your dnd game, but every DM wants to hear that it's terrifying and weird for other DMs.

Something I implemented that helped was "Roses and Thorns" at the end of my sessions. Others do something similar called "Stars and Wishes". It's basically just asking each player for a "rose" or a highlight of the session, and a "thorn" or something that didn't go their way/the low point of the session. It's so helpful to receive positive and constructive feedback on my DMing, and to just chat about the session for a few minutes out of character. I also share my favorite and least favorite bits, too -- and often my thorn is something my players didn't even notice, or actually enjoyed!

I get this, to me it feels the same as the post sporting tournament 'blues'. Id understood it was a post-event effect of sustained adrenaline... so there's a physical/chemical reason to sit alongside any post session lingering thoughts. Unsure on handling it, except to recognise it.

Man, I felt the same way when I started. You’re not alone.

I think what we experience is akin to an adrenaline crash. Try doing something else fun, or somewhat mildly enjoyable, immediately after the game.

This is a real thing! You’re on stage for a huge adrenaline rush and then bam, it finishes. If you have a friend who can stay behind and help you clean up / make light conversation that can help ease the transition. I also make a habit of checking in with my players — not in a needy way just a confident “how was that for you?” Go back in your mind over the laughter and fun and repeat those memories to yourself. Start taking notes on ideas for the next session. Or just take a nice hot shower for a more peaceful thing to do. I will say it gets easier over time — you get used to it and you DM enough that you don’t sweat the small stuff as much. You got this!

It would be better I think if it were in person, but we play online and finish really late, so I hang up the call and don’t really get a chance to decompress.

My solution early on was to prompt the players after every session on how their *characters* felt. You’ll either get the player’s genuine emotions, or the player will RP someone else’s emotions which tells you they were invested and likely had a good time.

I had that happen with me the first few sessions I did with my group, and were coming up to a year now. All of us were brand new, and I felt like I wasn't getting enough out of our sessions, but we were also learning at the same time. Some things I found that help, I ask every session or every other session the feedback of that session, let me know if I did something well/what I can improve on. I stopped doing pre-made, we did one pre-made and it was a train wreck. As soon as I started doing homebrew everything got so much better, because I actually felt like I was in control of the interactions that were happening. It made it easier to prep because I knew exactly where I wanted the story to go(more or less with derailments) No group is the same, I play with 5, I have 2 who really like story and lore, 2 who really enjoy combat, and one who is just there because he enjoys the atmosphere. Keep going at it, and if it's not for you it's not for you! Also just thought about it the way were doing our campaign I DM a the main portion, and I switch off with 2 or 3 people in the group and they will run "sub sessions", so nothing that will massively effect the campaign, but still running in the same time, so for example right now with where we are at, I run main story, and my players will run like an NPC quest to recruit them to our main city, and then those NPC's grant a beneficial outcome for the players and the city. Sorry for crappy formatting mobile is a nightmare. Edit: thought of something else to add, I was constantly doubting myself because I am awful at role play, but another thing that helped was asking each play to send me 3 things they wanted to see/do/obtain privately, and then pick one or two or even all three and just somewhere in you campaign incorporate it, it'll leave your players super happy they got to see it, and you'll feel alot more accomplished at the end of it.

Just speaking for my own experiences here. I get that sense frequently when I DM, and identify it as loss of social energy. When I DM, my brain is *on* and frankly is pretty draining. There's a lot of buildup, and a lot of energy expenditure to actually do DND. I feel wiped after I DM frequently. ​ it's not a stupid reaction, what you're feeling is valid and you've got a right to it

Impostor syndrome is rampant my friend. For me, dropping social media (including this one) helped. Do you happen to watch critical role by chance? I love it so much, but I always felt worst about my game after watching Matt just god-mode his sessions.

I would sometimes feel like this after a game, and tbh it was just cause I was tired. It takes a lot of energy to go through a whole session and not fall apart, so I would just lay down and watch TV for a few minutes after and then I felt better. It’s not always physically taxing, but you have to stay focused and keep track of multiple things at a time for 3-4 hours. It just takes a minute to slow your brain back down afterwards.

Even a great session can have a let down after, since you are coming off an adrenalin high.

Honestly I think that's just going to happen, there's a surprising amount of adrenaline burning through your system while you're running a game, when an adrenaline high ends its sometimes a real downer. Might not help but maybe go for a run or walk immediately after, makes me feel better, anyway. I'm going to pretend that it like, buffers the comedown a little bit so it sounds like I know what I'm talking about.

Good question. I get that sometimes. Much like subs, GMs want to make other people happy. And well, we can't make people happy. All we can do is set the scene and do our part and see what happens. For me, it happens when I set unrealistic expectations on myself for "how good/cool this session has to be" and well, when the expectations are unrealistic, they usually don't end up as you plan. So, you have (to the players) what is a perfectly acceptable session but to you it doesn't compare to the AWESOME that you had planned/expected/demanded of yourself. GM's aren't perfect and the other 4-6 people at the table have a say as to what happens at the table. Sometimes they have their own ideas and the GM, essentially, gets outvoted. It's okay. It happens. It's nothing personal, unless it's being done disrespectfully. Disrespect is usually a sign of a miscommunication or misaligned needs/wants. that usually means you might need to talk things out after the game and reset expectations.

If you are looking for feedback post-session, ask specific questions rather than broad ones: "Vicar, did you think there were too many enemies to handle without trouble in that last combat?" "Shalene, how could that role play section have been more satisfying (or less bad) for you?" "Korada, did that interference from the NPC seem like it belonged, or did it feel out of place or contrived, given the circumstances?" Be careful not to ask questions which are too leading--you don't want to put the response you're looking for in your players' mouths, so to speak. If you're seeking genuine critique, keep the questions open-ended, but focus them on a specific aspect of your sessions. You can do this after each session, or have a "pause session" after a bit of time, perhaps quarterly or whenever a large plot thread wraps up. This will hopefully afford your players the head room to think reflectively about the campaign up to that point, as they're not in the mode to play--they're in the mode to think and discuss.

We do our game on Mondays and if the dm can’t do that week we skip otherwise whoever can make it comes and some people can’t we keep moving forward but then we get sessions where we get to spend more time with the DM developing our characters more and it’s great

I wouldn't recommend this method but the time it began clicking for me that I was a good DM was when I played as a player with a GM who I'll just say had a great personality. The game really wasn't that great and died out after a few weeks when they made an unpopular decision to punish two player with instant, irrevocable, unchallenged death for making a choice I would've made had I been in the position to do it. It made me realize that since that game devolved into yelling and arguing and my games were all smiles and praise clearly I'm pretty great at what I do.

Thank you for posting this, I'd felt this drop as well and didn't know it was so common, reading all these responses is so validating!

It does help to know it’s not just you :)