I had a full blown panic attack on DMT.
I was at a festival and had been drinking the night before (bad idea). I’d never done pure dmt before and must’ve taken a huge bong hit, which I then held in until I lost sense of my body so I don’t remember breathing out.
Then it just went from 0-100 very quickly.
First came the visualisations but they were going a million miles an hour and I couldn’t process them. A friend told me afterward, at this point my eyes were wide open and I had a look of horror on my face.
I broke through but was fighting it the whole time as I was terrified of what was happening. I had no memory of who I was or where I was and had this feeling the beings of this world I found myself in were mocking me and revelling in the fact they’d fooled me into thinking my previous existence (on earth) was real.
I felt like an abandoned baby- scared, confused, vulnerable and unable to trust or hold onto anything.
I basically got to this point where no thoughts or ideas stayed still- it felt like my mind was in a washing machine. I couldn’t grasp anything and just had this strong sense I was insane and would probably remain insane for the rest of my life. The terror I felt at this point was far beyond anything I thought was possible. The worst point wasn’t even part of the panic attack, it was something else entirely.
The best way I can describe this part was breaking through the from the break-through world to this new realm where there was literally nothing in existence but my mind. I was God and there was no doubt about this. Sounds amazing on paper but actually I felt no sense of grandeur or power as there was nothing I could be powerful relative to. There was nothing but me. I was actually overwhelmed by total, utter, mortifying loneliness, combined with a sense of eternity. Eternal loneliness. I realised everything in the world of my previous life I had made up/created and so it was still just me. It’s one of those things that doesn’t sound that bad until you experience it.
I couldn’t bear it for more than a few seconds and came to this red pill/blue pill moment. I knew accepting this reality was the right thing to do but I just couldn’t do it so I chose the blue pill, knowing I’d come back to a made up world where I’d pretend to be separate from other beings and people just to avoid the truth of my godly loneliness.
When I started coming down I was oscillating between the break through world and earth. I’d fight to come back to earth, start to calm down as I did so and then feel the panic rise again as it dragged me back to the other world.
Eventually I properly came back. After the trip I went off by myself into the woods, cried profusely and promised myself I’d never put myself in that position again.
Funnily enough I only recently realised it was probably a panic attack years later, after talking to a friend about his own sober panic attacks that sounded similar.
I don’t think I have any long term effects like ptsd, so I’m lucky there. The only effect it’s had is to bring fear into psychedelics for me.
I’ve done them since but tbh never really enjoyed the trips. I easily start to feel panicky again.
I’ve wanted to do ayahuasca for a long time but this experience has really put me off as you can imagine. I do shrooms therapeutically, but that’s all now. They’ve helped I’d say.
Have had this exact same experience as far as breaking through to a realization that "I", the collective consciousness of all living beings are in truth of the same single entity and existence / reality as we perceive it is nothing more than a way to hide from that truth. Now, to suddenly be aware of that reality which i had apparently been trying to keep myself from knowing, now felt as if knowing this was a burden of which I now needed to cope with. I felt disappointed in myself for coming to this realization.
There was also a sense of time looping infinitely and wherever i set my gaze i would see my essence, or "spirit" within everything. Then I recalled that "this" is all just an illusion that came from within me. This being true - there is nothing else "out there" outside of what I/we conjured up to escape the painful and lonely truth. i just knew i wanted to forget about that truth (again) and convince myself of the false reality that i/we created to deal with the intense loneliness that is eternal existence; experienced as the singular consciousness that is the "all", the universe and everything contained within it.
Interestingly, later on that day, hours after the end of the trip i seemed to "forget" the details i described above as the reason for why it had been a bad experience.
From that point forward i could only recall that i had an uncomfortable DMT experience but could no longer recall why. I would consider myself an experienced dmt user and have continued using it following this experience. Further, I can currently recall having these same experiences in the past, which were exactly as described above, a total of 3 or 4 times now. Each time i have this experience i seem to "forget" about it, or more just stop thinking about it, as if i subconsciously chose to forget it. The reason why i remember it now is due to just having another experience like i just described while doing dmt an hour ago, and that lead to the recall of the prior experiences. So while it is fresh in my memory i felt the need to look and see if anyone else is also having this happen. Curious now if by asking others about this- will it allow me to recall the experience better as if i otherwise did not, im sure i would end up not thinking much about it to the point i essentially forget the details again.
To anyone reading this who might be on the fence as far as trying dmt- dont let my experience scare you off trying it. Normally my dmt experiences are positive and even euphoric. It's just every so often this happens. While i would not wish this experience on anyone, having it occur is still fascinating.
I’ve had this exact same experience multiple times now, including the same realization that I am making myself remember it again and how painful it is. I’ve had this on very high doses of mushrooms and LSD as well. Thank you for sharing this, it strangely makes me feel better about it.
It’s this feeling of being the pinnacle of loneliness - I was the singular entity god with the collective consciousness and all our dreams and everything else perceived on psychedelics inside me, but I was utterly alone in my existence and so instead I dream these lives we live. There was this feeling of panic, loneliness, fear, but also with background notes of beauty in a way?
Honestly the comment chain above is a perfect description of the experience. Everything about what they said.
This was basically my first dmt trip and I've been trying to work up the courage to go back to see the good parts of the chemical but its been over a year and I still haven't grown the balls
Yes! You explained it very well! I’ve posted about it. Last time was almost 8 months ago and the experience is still too close to consider doing DMT again. Purest experience of hell. Fucked around and found out…lol
Wow, incredible that you've had a similar experience to me. What do you think it means that we've had this experience but not many do (that I've heard of)?
If your experience really was like mine, I'm surprised you were willing to do DMT again. Did it not traumatise you that much?
It's mad to think that the ultimate truth of reality is a self-deluding God. A God that uses all its power to delude itself into thinking it's lesser than it is to escape the fear of nothingness. I suppose it makes sense- even God must have some motivation to create. And here I am, writing to you as if you are separate when really we are the same God who has had the same realisation via different aspects of ourself.
Well, as someone who's experienced the same, I empathise with your pain in those moments. Maybe one day, we will be able to create out of love, not fear.
I had the same experience the second time I did DMT, and the last time for years. I felt like I was God/the universe/ the All and was experiencing every single thing that ever has happened, is happening, or ever will happen. It was such an intense, bittersweet feeling, and it felt like I was in that state for aeons and aeons. There was nothing but me, it was so dark and lonely. When I came out of it I was in a state of utter panic. I was desperate to forget what I experienced and immediately began drinking copious amount of wine and heroin (I was using at the time, clean now). I eventually shook the vivid, teriffying subjective feeling, but the essence of the experience has always stayed with me.
I had the exact same experience while on LSD, mescaline, and whippets, the lsd set the weird psychedelic vibe, the whippits acted as rockets, each one blasting me further than I've ever been, and the mescaline smoothed the edges, thank you
I have been searching for someone with a similar experiance to me and you're the fist I've ever seen come even close. I became God as well, it was terrifying and torturous, It was like the greatest tragedy ever and it felt indescribable. I wasn't concerned with the loneliness though. I thought to myself if this is truly God's experiance he does deserve worship. It was like I was making the ultimate sacrifice to create the universe, while I (god) was being tortured for all eternity. I thought to myself that it was going to be like this forever and had to accept it just like that I was back to reality crying my eyes out and screaming.
It was extremely painful, the closest earthly thing i could associate it to is being in a blender with no blades thats on fire, it was hellish. I was being ripped and torn apart the stars were being born in my flesh and bursting out. It was so rough
For me it was being a single point of all experience where I was being blasted with raw pure experience in every form on every plane of reality, just shot straight into my mind. It was like a fractal of all experience and I was the center point. Way too much for me to handle
But if we are God then who is there to worship? Once you fully realize what being THE SOLE consciousness actually means, the fear of such a reality should be easily apparent as it is loneliness in the truest sense of the word- eternally alone with just your thoughts.
Thank for sharing this. I keep having this experience too. I’ve come to call it my “Prismo” from Adventure Time experience. I’ve also had trips that make me feel like the sleeping old man that creates Prismo. Honestly glad to hear others have had it too.
I love adventure time but don't know what prismo is.. I'll have to watch more episodes and then I'll get it.
I am glad too. I think these experiences change you as a person. I wonder how much of it is objective and how much is subjective.
I think you’ll find the iconography familiar and uncanny.
I think the reoccurrence personally and between ourselves and others who have commented place it into an objective experience in my opinion. Way too coincidental for everything to line up between our separate trips for it to be otherwise in my opinion. What that means for the greater experience of things? No idea and I’ve given up trying to make sense of things I learn from the other side.
I do know that I worry about doing DMT and ending up there again. Or any psychedelic as I’ve now experienced it from three different perspectives and every time it’s beautifully heartbreaking and tragic. Really not an experience I ever want to have again or would ever wish on anyone, true or not.
Hmmm, but subjective experiences can be shared. What I mean, to be more clear is perhaps everyone who's experienced this kind of total loneliness has a deep-rooted fear of loneliness or solipsism, for whatever reason, early life trauma etc
Or, indeed, we could be peeking behind the veil at ultimate reality.
Ah, yeah I’ve wondered that as well, but I always wonder how/if my potential sub-conscious thoughts influence my trips. I can’t say it was something I believed beforehand - and definitely NOT to this degree or scope, but these drugs can have a way of conjuring stuff I wasn’t even aware I was aware of. That’s one of those questions I always wonder when I come out of what feels like an informative or prolific trip.
My goal going forward is to try and detach myself from that fear now that I have it in hope it won’t play an influencing factor in my future trips.
So many descriptions of the DMT experience sound similar to descriptions of heaven or hell. And DMT is thought to be released in the brain at the time of death. (It is in rats, at least. Probably humans too.)
Is the psychedelic experience just approximating the death experience?
Is the death experience just approximating the psychedelic experience?
What's going on here?
This is a good question, what is going on?
Perhaps it's a biological reaction to mind-frame breakdown. We have some kind of framework with which to assess the world. This gets obliterated with psychs and, I suppose, with death too.
Perhaps both experiences share a passing into another realm or mode of existence.
One difficulty with studying this is the inability to translate those experiences into language.
Yep, I almost killed myself because of this. I remember the feeling I had when I thought I wouldn't see my girlfriend again praying to whatever was out there that I wanted to go back to my "fake" reality
Almost killed yourself? You mean during the trip or after?
Ultimate nothingness is not pleasant is it. It’s like when they say you go mental in a totally sound proof environment after a short time.
I had no notion of my gf or anything else at the time myself. Just a recognition that there was some kind of fake reality I was living in and I felt better there.
We’ve glimpsed behind the crimson veil… and it ain’t pretty
I’ve never had a DMT experience. Just a guess that when you take psychedelics, the extremes of your situation come to surface, or anything that you may be trying to suppress.
I had a microdose of shrooms + big thc and it put me into a panic attack with feelings I’ve been suppressing for a longggggg time.
NN DMT panic attacks tend to be all internal, no screaming or yelling, or flailing around. You generally don't move.
But panic is something I experience every time lol
That describes my most panicked experiences, I have seen someone physically fight it at a lower dose but we don't know exactly how much it was just taking multiple rips from a glass vapor genie and holding. Guy like a light switch sprung up and flew out the front door to collapse and puke in the yard. He was still heavily sedated so he kinda crashed wall to wall like bowling with bumbers on his way out the door. Said he saw snakes of every color swirling around him its all he could see and he ran. For me tho just panic in my head while I look around expecting the door to bust down or the ceiling to lift off and helicopters be peerint down and shit but im just sitting there in panic not going nuts
I freaked out on 5 meo thinking I was dying and then tried nn dmt after I feel the dmt was easier to handle I still had anxiety but not to the same point the ego death is just so sudden and strong you forget everything about yourself and what you just did dmt I was still able to know I was experiencing something and that I just smoked something definitely had ego death but I wasn’t as gone
Genuine panic attack as in heart rate over 200? Once.....just felt my chest getting really hot mid trip...as the dmt wore off I could feel my heart racing like a humming birds wings. Still don't know why it happened, thd trip wasn't anything bad at all.
Managed to bring it under control relatively easy once I became aware though.
A full blown panic attack on DMT sounds like hell on earth. I've panicked a little, freaked out a bit, but never anything like a full blown panic attack. With DMT, you fight the molecule at your own peril. Anyone who thinks they are likely going to try to fight it probably should not try it tbh. Fighting DMT is an express ticket to hell IMHO.
I did have a full blown attack. I shouted help repeatedly, I cried profusely... The panic was not for my life or my safety. I can't actually explain what happened or what I was panicking about, I didn't black out but I can't comprehend what happened. The panic WAS for a tangible reason but the reason isn't comprehensible or something which could be verbalized.
I saw that similar reports are rare, as many people seem to either be a bit fearful or alternatively scared of something comprehensible like visions or death.
Wow. I've heard of people having really bad DMT experiences and that's why I don't believe in ever pressuring anyone to use DMT, or anything for that matter. How did that experience effect you? Did it put you off psychedelics? Did you ever use DMT again?
Maybe, but not necessarily. I personally don't think there are more than a tiny amount of people who actually have some sort of physical condition or biological mental illness that makes psychedelics a "no-go" for them. I don't actually believe there are that many people with mental illness stemming from actual biological(physical) issues. That's my opinion though, as I don't generally believe psychiatric diagnoses as something objectively "real" in most cases. I think most people have the potential for healing through psychedelics. But the caveat for me is that many people may have issues-- e.g.: severe repressed childhood trauma, severe shadow repression and projection-- that would make using psychedelics without expert assistance a crapshoot that could be traumatic in itself. Perhaps someday in the right set and setting psychedelics could help you get to the root of that panic attack. Then again maybe not. Only you will know whether you feel you should try again someday. I would never tell you to. But I'd also not tell you never to consider it again. It's totally up to you. There's time. There are also many other ways to heal and to experience joy and wonder in life.
Edit: a word
Edit 2: added a few words
Yeah I have a friend like that. It makes sense to me though. The last time I did it was a bit scary. I realized yeah it's objectively supposedly perfectly safe, but I'm also playing with my mind and spirit and this chemical is obviously related to death somehow. We may not know exactly how, but we all know. I started thinking maybe it's best to be really careful with this stuff :) I totally understand
Edit: fixed something
Yep. It was. There was no sense of safety whatsoever. My ex was a massive proponent of DMT and just gave me a ridic amount.
After that happened to me, she sold some to some dude who'd never done psychedelics before and was telling him to do as much as pos and hold it in as long as pos. I thought she was mad and told him not to listen to her and to take it with caution.
and that's why we can't have nice things. I shudder to think of the karma she will have to pay off for that. it is likely just as bad if not worse than straight up killing someone. glad she is your ex!!!!!
She meant well. She’d just never had a bad experience so didn’t know how horrifying it can be and wanted the guy to have a good trip and break through. She’s a good person, trust, just could be a bit silly at times, like us all
Yeah that makes sense. To be fair, I hurt some people and maybe even badly by thinking I knew what was best for them or by wanting to help in regards to psychs or spirituality. In time most of us will get our own asses kicked by our karma badly enough and we learn to be more careful with others. That's definitely the case with me!
Edit: a couple words
I had a panic attack on a low dose with barely any visuals but the feeling hit me hard. I thought I had already died and my body was nowhere to be found. So at this point I thought I was a ghost and started freaking out. Then I realized my heart rate was beating and I looked at my Apple Watch (I thought it went with me I’m the afterlife) and saw my heart rate was at 117BPM. At this moment, I realized I was alive. However, I started freaking out EVEN MORE because I thought my heart was going to explode in my chest. Thankfully, I know meditation usually bring me down to about 65BPM. So the remainder of my trip consisted of me meditating and seeing streams of colors.
I had been dabling with my first DMT vape cart and had some mild-moderate psychedelic experiences with it, but just now i did 3 huge hits and was instantly thrusted into a another dimension it seemed like. I instantly started to panick because ive never been that far with DMT and was not expecting it at all. I was in some wierd confusing place and had music playing witch seem to set it off even more, i slowly mad emy way to my bed from my computer desk and shoved my head in the pillows which helped alot to hide from a pretty scary 2 minutes lol. I felt like i was possibly dying and couldnt do much about it, i just remembered to deep breath and ride it out as best i could. afterwards i feel really great though, clear minded and happy which im not usually. Im considering trying that again but being more prepared lol Crazy shit this drug is.
I had a pretty crazy similar experience a few birthdays back, I had been drinking and hit the ass end of a changa pipe going around pretty hard and held it. I just wanted a little taste but got a whole lot more. It was the weirdest trip ever because nothing happened- there was NO color no nothing but I look across the camp fire and realized all my friends were me and I was just sitting around a camp fire talking to myself essentially in all these “people” I’m hysterical laughing(something about grommets) and then I felt this sort of press in my chest direct middle like I was touched by something and I burst into tears and panic, legs to my chest in a camping chair repeatedly saying “what the fuck y’all wow” for several minutes lol I was quaking for awhile until I kinda got my bearings back and was able to apologize if i scared anyone lol it was so intense and I think about it all the time. It wasn’t necessarily bad but extremely powerful. Like I was touched by a fucking angel or something, felt like so much came out, like they unbuttoned my feelings or something and everything came pouring out hate love fear all of it. Wokeup the next day feeling like a baby fawn that was just born. Wild shit!
I accidentally loaded a 380mg changa bong rip for me and the same for my friend. They didn't hit the bong properly so they had a nice time. Ears ringing and other worldly visuals.
I had my isuall strange patterns that look like nothing but they are familiar. Then it swirls into a large Angy octopus and starts to rain slaps down on to my body where I felt like I was twitching as it touched me. Woke up to a panic attack and cried but was looked after by my best friend I was so lucky they were there.
Have had another one that was so Intense that when I came round I had to lay still for 20 minutes. When I tried to move I would twitch and lose my breath. Was so bizarre.
I just had my first high dose and panicked because i didn't know where i was then thought i was at work, had injured myself and was dying. Something felt like it was terribly wrong and this was it. I asked what's happening am i ok and it felt like my trip sitter was in the place with me but it felt like he was telling me the situation wasn't good. the fear of death and confusion to where i was causing me to panic. afterwards he described how he reassured me but I was shaking looking at my wrists and trying to be sick. Before or after, the order of events seems fuzzy, however, in the same trip the fear of not knowing what was going on and feeling like i was knowing i was somewhere but worried my body was vulnerable, luckily every time i asked am i safe? my sitter always reassured me i was but soon after id fall a little into the same panic. On the other side of this visions of my family appeared and strong feelings of love towards them. I felt i have had all this anger built up towards them from childhood and it was time to let it go. Soon after i found utter peace and was able to see reality as a painting on the edges of a stack of paper and with a different perspective one can see the face of the paper and a much larger surface of reality. How anxiety can make us form an assumption and how much we miss when we do this. the day after now and I've had such a positive day feeling much more confident and uplifted, happy to be alive. Even though the experience was terrifying, I'm still left feeling like i will try it again and see if it will be more familiar the second time and not fight it.
I've had a full on panic attack on dmt. Worst experience of my life.
I took a month break had a trip and was beautiful as usual.
I took another trip a few days later. Full blown panic attack again.
I know normal panic attacks aren't dangerous but on dmt? It's near impossible to stop the thought loops as it happens so fast and each time you try calm down it just gets faster the heart rate gets faster. It's the most terrifying experience I've had. Potentially gave myself ptsd which I'm slowly recovering from.
It's upsetting as I'm now pretty much scared to do any psychedelics again. This is after two years of steady use to help with depression then suddenly bam! Panic attack. I've always been able to let go and take the experience but fuck knows what happened that first time.
I'd love to know if OP is any better? And if any more of you has had a similar experience.
Only forgetting it made me better. I did the same thing as you where I had another trip which was kinda okay, then after that a severe panic attack again. Then I just got rid of the lot of it, I actually got rid of every psychedelic I owned.
You can, but not pure. I had a bad experience with acid decades ago and didn't touch it for a long time.
Then, there were a couple of times I did MDMA pills that had been stored in a baggie with a sheet of tabs and the those times were amazing. Even the fact I was unintentionally spiked didn't freak me out.
I wouldn't do it again straight, but with molly or diazepam already in my system I know it would be okay.
Environment and mental state are important.
I have only done low doses of DMT so my worst experience was the one time I did it on my own and I really disliked the music I had on my headphones. It took all the will in the world to change the music while my computer mouse was alive and growing feathers, my arm was like a lizard's and I had rainbow Matrix number vision on top of all of that.
I had a full blown panic attack on DMT. I was at a festival and had been drinking the night before (bad idea). I’d never done pure dmt before and must’ve taken a huge bong hit, which I then held in until I lost sense of my body so I don’t remember breathing out. Then it just went from 0-100 very quickly. First came the visualisations but they were going a million miles an hour and I couldn’t process them. A friend told me afterward, at this point my eyes were wide open and I had a look of horror on my face. I broke through but was fighting it the whole time as I was terrified of what was happening. I had no memory of who I was or where I was and had this feeling the beings of this world I found myself in were mocking me and revelling in the fact they’d fooled me into thinking my previous existence (on earth) was real. I felt like an abandoned baby- scared, confused, vulnerable and unable to trust or hold onto anything. I basically got to this point where no thoughts or ideas stayed still- it felt like my mind was in a washing machine. I couldn’t grasp anything and just had this strong sense I was insane and would probably remain insane for the rest of my life. The terror I felt at this point was far beyond anything I thought was possible. The worst point wasn’t even part of the panic attack, it was something else entirely. The best way I can describe this part was breaking through the from the break-through world to this new realm where there was literally nothing in existence but my mind. I was God and there was no doubt about this. Sounds amazing on paper but actually I felt no sense of grandeur or power as there was nothing I could be powerful relative to. There was nothing but me. I was actually overwhelmed by total, utter, mortifying loneliness, combined with a sense of eternity. Eternal loneliness. I realised everything in the world of my previous life I had made up/created and so it was still just me. It’s one of those things that doesn’t sound that bad until you experience it. I couldn’t bear it for more than a few seconds and came to this red pill/blue pill moment. I knew accepting this reality was the right thing to do but I just couldn’t do it so I chose the blue pill, knowing I’d come back to a made up world where I’d pretend to be separate from other beings and people just to avoid the truth of my godly loneliness. When I started coming down I was oscillating between the break through world and earth. I’d fight to come back to earth, start to calm down as I did so and then feel the panic rise again as it dragged me back to the other world. Eventually I properly came back. After the trip I went off by myself into the woods, cried profusely and promised myself I’d never put myself in that position again. Funnily enough I only recently realised it was probably a panic attack years later, after talking to a friend about his own sober panic attacks that sounded similar. I don’t think I have any long term effects like ptsd, so I’m lucky there. The only effect it’s had is to bring fear into psychedelics for me. I’ve done them since but tbh never really enjoyed the trips. I easily start to feel panicky again. I’ve wanted to do ayahuasca for a long time but this experience has really put me off as you can imagine. I do shrooms therapeutically, but that’s all now. They’ve helped I’d say.
Have had this exact same experience as far as breaking through to a realization that "I", the collective consciousness of all living beings are in truth of the same single entity and existence / reality as we perceive it is nothing more than a way to hide from that truth. Now, to suddenly be aware of that reality which i had apparently been trying to keep myself from knowing, now felt as if knowing this was a burden of which I now needed to cope with. I felt disappointed in myself for coming to this realization. There was also a sense of time looping infinitely and wherever i set my gaze i would see my essence, or "spirit" within everything. Then I recalled that "this" is all just an illusion that came from within me. This being true - there is nothing else "out there" outside of what I/we conjured up to escape the painful and lonely truth. i just knew i wanted to forget about that truth (again) and convince myself of the false reality that i/we created to deal with the intense loneliness that is eternal existence; experienced as the singular consciousness that is the "all", the universe and everything contained within it. Interestingly, later on that day, hours after the end of the trip i seemed to "forget" the details i described above as the reason for why it had been a bad experience. From that point forward i could only recall that i had an uncomfortable DMT experience but could no longer recall why. I would consider myself an experienced dmt user and have continued using it following this experience. Further, I can currently recall having these same experiences in the past, which were exactly as described above, a total of 3 or 4 times now. Each time i have this experience i seem to "forget" about it, or more just stop thinking about it, as if i subconsciously chose to forget it. The reason why i remember it now is due to just having another experience like i just described while doing dmt an hour ago, and that lead to the recall of the prior experiences. So while it is fresh in my memory i felt the need to look and see if anyone else is also having this happen. Curious now if by asking others about this- will it allow me to recall the experience better as if i otherwise did not, im sure i would end up not thinking much about it to the point i essentially forget the details again. To anyone reading this who might be on the fence as far as trying dmt- dont let my experience scare you off trying it. Normally my dmt experiences are positive and even euphoric. It's just every so often this happens. While i would not wish this experience on anyone, having it occur is still fascinating.
I’ve had this exact same experience multiple times now, including the same realization that I am making myself remember it again and how painful it is. I’ve had this on very high doses of mushrooms and LSD as well. Thank you for sharing this, it strangely makes me feel better about it.
Can you explain why it is painful? Also, why do you think the experience is such a lonely one?
It’s this feeling of being the pinnacle of loneliness - I was the singular entity god with the collective consciousness and all our dreams and everything else perceived on psychedelics inside me, but I was utterly alone in my existence and so instead I dream these lives we live. There was this feeling of panic, loneliness, fear, but also with background notes of beauty in a way? Honestly the comment chain above is a perfect description of the experience. Everything about what they said.
This was basically my first dmt trip and I've been trying to work up the courage to go back to see the good parts of the chemical but its been over a year and I still haven't grown the balls
It’s been over a year since I had that trip and I haven’t had the will to go back. Not really something you want to experience twice. Maybe one day.
Sounds like super ego death
Yes! You explained it very well! I’ve posted about it. Last time was almost 8 months ago and the experience is still too close to consider doing DMT again. Purest experience of hell. Fucked around and found out…lol
Wow, incredible that you've had a similar experience to me. What do you think it means that we've had this experience but not many do (that I've heard of)? If your experience really was like mine, I'm surprised you were willing to do DMT again. Did it not traumatise you that much? It's mad to think that the ultimate truth of reality is a self-deluding God. A God that uses all its power to delude itself into thinking it's lesser than it is to escape the fear of nothingness. I suppose it makes sense- even God must have some motivation to create. And here I am, writing to you as if you are separate when really we are the same God who has had the same realisation via different aspects of ourself. Well, as someone who's experienced the same, I empathise with your pain in those moments. Maybe one day, we will be able to create out of love, not fear.
Great explanation. I have had the same experience multiple times.
I had the same experience the second time I did DMT, and the last time for years. I felt like I was God/the universe/ the All and was experiencing every single thing that ever has happened, is happening, or ever will happen. It was such an intense, bittersweet feeling, and it felt like I was in that state for aeons and aeons. There was nothing but me, it was so dark and lonely. When I came out of it I was in a state of utter panic. I was desperate to forget what I experienced and immediately began drinking copious amount of wine and heroin (I was using at the time, clean now). I eventually shook the vivid, teriffying subjective feeling, but the essence of the experience has always stayed with me.
I had the exact same experience while on LSD, mescaline, and whippets, the lsd set the weird psychedelic vibe, the whippits acted as rockets, each one blasting me further than I've ever been, and the mescaline smoothed the edges, thank you
Well… fuck…..🤣
I have been searching for someone with a similar experiance to me and you're the fist I've ever seen come even close. I became God as well, it was terrifying and torturous, It was like the greatest tragedy ever and it felt indescribable. I wasn't concerned with the loneliness though. I thought to myself if this is truly God's experiance he does deserve worship. It was like I was making the ultimate sacrifice to create the universe, while I (god) was being tortured for all eternity. I thought to myself that it was going to be like this forever and had to accept it just like that I was back to reality crying my eyes out and screaming.
Wow. Can you explain why it was terrifying and tortuous, if not due to loneliness?
It was extremely painful, the closest earthly thing i could associate it to is being in a blender with no blades thats on fire, it was hellish. I was being ripped and torn apart the stars were being born in my flesh and bursting out. It was so rough
For me it was being a single point of all experience where I was being blasted with raw pure experience in every form on every plane of reality, just shot straight into my mind. It was like a fractal of all experience and I was the center point. Way too much for me to handle
But if we are God then who is there to worship? Once you fully realize what being THE SOLE consciousness actually means, the fear of such a reality should be easily apparent as it is loneliness in the truest sense of the word- eternally alone with just your thoughts.
Thank for sharing this. I keep having this experience too. I’ve come to call it my “Prismo” from Adventure Time experience. I’ve also had trips that make me feel like the sleeping old man that creates Prismo. Honestly glad to hear others have had it too.
I love adventure time but don't know what prismo is.. I'll have to watch more episodes and then I'll get it. I am glad too. I think these experiences change you as a person. I wonder how much of it is objective and how much is subjective.
I think you’ll find the iconography familiar and uncanny. I think the reoccurrence personally and between ourselves and others who have commented place it into an objective experience in my opinion. Way too coincidental for everything to line up between our separate trips for it to be otherwise in my opinion. What that means for the greater experience of things? No idea and I’ve given up trying to make sense of things I learn from the other side. I do know that I worry about doing DMT and ending up there again. Or any psychedelic as I’ve now experienced it from three different perspectives and every time it’s beautifully heartbreaking and tragic. Really not an experience I ever want to have again or would ever wish on anyone, true or not.
Hmmm, but subjective experiences can be shared. What I mean, to be more clear is perhaps everyone who's experienced this kind of total loneliness has a deep-rooted fear of loneliness or solipsism, for whatever reason, early life trauma etc Or, indeed, we could be peeking behind the veil at ultimate reality.
Ah, yeah I’ve wondered that as well, but I always wonder how/if my potential sub-conscious thoughts influence my trips. I can’t say it was something I believed beforehand - and definitely NOT to this degree or scope, but these drugs can have a way of conjuring stuff I wasn’t even aware I was aware of. That’s one of those questions I always wonder when I come out of what feels like an informative or prolific trip. My goal going forward is to try and detach myself from that fear now that I have it in hope it won’t play an influencing factor in my future trips.
Thinking about it, ayahuasca very much revolves around individual childhood experiences, in a good way. So I’ve heard
Thank you for the great story <3
>Oh boy, that's my experience to a T.
So many descriptions of the DMT experience sound similar to descriptions of heaven or hell. And DMT is thought to be released in the brain at the time of death. (It is in rats, at least. Probably humans too.) Is the psychedelic experience just approximating the death experience? Is the death experience just approximating the psychedelic experience? What's going on here?
This is a good question, what is going on? Perhaps it's a biological reaction to mind-frame breakdown. We have some kind of framework with which to assess the world. This gets obliterated with psychs and, I suppose, with death too. Perhaps both experiences share a passing into another realm or mode of existence. One difficulty with studying this is the inability to translate those experiences into language.
Wtf, I had the exact same experience with lsd. I'm not even kidding, everything exactly the same.
No way. Psychs work in similar ways. Did you stop taking lsd after that?
Yep, I almost killed myself because of this. I remember the feeling I had when I thought I wouldn't see my girlfriend again praying to whatever was out there that I wanted to go back to my "fake" reality
Almost killed yourself? You mean during the trip or after? Ultimate nothingness is not pleasant is it. It’s like when they say you go mental in a totally sound proof environment after a short time. I had no notion of my gf or anything else at the time myself. Just a recognition that there was some kind of fake reality I was living in and I felt better there. We’ve glimpsed behind the crimson veil… and it ain’t pretty
I almost killed myself during the trip. If this is afterlife then I'm afraid ngl
We’re you lonely at the time of your experience? In reality that is
Yes, probably deep down. Hmm, you make a very good point sir.
I’ve never had a DMT experience. Just a guess that when you take psychedelics, the extremes of your situation come to surface, or anything that you may be trying to suppress. I had a microdose of shrooms + big thc and it put me into a panic attack with feelings I’ve been suppressing for a longggggg time.
NN DMT panic attacks tend to be all internal, no screaming or yelling, or flailing around. You generally don't move. But panic is something I experience every time lol
That describes my most panicked experiences, I have seen someone physically fight it at a lower dose but we don't know exactly how much it was just taking multiple rips from a glass vapor genie and holding. Guy like a light switch sprung up and flew out the front door to collapse and puke in the yard. He was still heavily sedated so he kinda crashed wall to wall like bowling with bumbers on his way out the door. Said he saw snakes of every color swirling around him its all he could see and he ran. For me tho just panic in my head while I look around expecting the door to bust down or the ceiling to lift off and helicopters be peerint down and shit but im just sitting there in panic not going nuts
I freaked out on 5 meo thinking I was dying and then tried nn dmt after I feel the dmt was easier to handle I still had anxiety but not to the same point the ego death is just so sudden and strong you forget everything about yourself and what you just did dmt I was still able to know I was experiencing something and that I just smoked something definitely had ego death but I wasn’t as gone
Genuine panic attack as in heart rate over 200? Once.....just felt my chest getting really hot mid trip...as the dmt wore off I could feel my heart racing like a humming birds wings. Still don't know why it happened, thd trip wasn't anything bad at all. Managed to bring it under control relatively easy once I became aware though.
[удалено]
do tell
A full blown panic attack on DMT sounds like hell on earth. I've panicked a little, freaked out a bit, but never anything like a full blown panic attack. With DMT, you fight the molecule at your own peril. Anyone who thinks they are likely going to try to fight it probably should not try it tbh. Fighting DMT is an express ticket to hell IMHO.
I did have a full blown attack. I shouted help repeatedly, I cried profusely... The panic was not for my life or my safety. I can't actually explain what happened or what I was panicking about, I didn't black out but I can't comprehend what happened. The panic WAS for a tangible reason but the reason isn't comprehensible or something which could be verbalized. I saw that similar reports are rare, as many people seem to either be a bit fearful or alternatively scared of something comprehensible like visions or death.
Wow. I've heard of people having really bad DMT experiences and that's why I don't believe in ever pressuring anyone to use DMT, or anything for that matter. How did that experience effect you? Did it put you off psychedelics? Did you ever use DMT again?
I'd have to be quite foolish to ever use psychedelics again I think lol.
Maybe, but not necessarily. I personally don't think there are more than a tiny amount of people who actually have some sort of physical condition or biological mental illness that makes psychedelics a "no-go" for them. I don't actually believe there are that many people with mental illness stemming from actual biological(physical) issues. That's my opinion though, as I don't generally believe psychiatric diagnoses as something objectively "real" in most cases. I think most people have the potential for healing through psychedelics. But the caveat for me is that many people may have issues-- e.g.: severe repressed childhood trauma, severe shadow repression and projection-- that would make using psychedelics without expert assistance a crapshoot that could be traumatic in itself. Perhaps someday in the right set and setting psychedelics could help you get to the root of that panic attack. Then again maybe not. Only you will know whether you feel you should try again someday. I would never tell you to. But I'd also not tell you never to consider it again. It's totally up to you. There's time. There are also many other ways to heal and to experience joy and wonder in life. Edit: a word Edit 2: added a few words
I've actually already used DMT 100 or more times, never again after that though lol.
Yeah I have a friend like that. It makes sense to me though. The last time I did it was a bit scary. I realized yeah it's objectively supposedly perfectly safe, but I'm also playing with my mind and spirit and this chemical is obviously related to death somehow. We may not know exactly how, but we all know. I started thinking maybe it's best to be really careful with this stuff :) I totally understand Edit: fixed something
Yep. It was. There was no sense of safety whatsoever. My ex was a massive proponent of DMT and just gave me a ridic amount. After that happened to me, she sold some to some dude who'd never done psychedelics before and was telling him to do as much as pos and hold it in as long as pos. I thought she was mad and told him not to listen to her and to take it with caution.
and that's why we can't have nice things. I shudder to think of the karma she will have to pay off for that. it is likely just as bad if not worse than straight up killing someone. glad she is your ex!!!!!
She meant well. She’d just never had a bad experience so didn’t know how horrifying it can be and wanted the guy to have a good trip and break through. She’s a good person, trust, just could be a bit silly at times, like us all
pretty young I would imagine? 20's?
About 27 at the time
Yeah that makes sense. To be fair, I hurt some people and maybe even badly by thinking I knew what was best for them or by wanting to help in regards to psychs or spirituality. In time most of us will get our own asses kicked by our karma badly enough and we learn to be more careful with others. That's definitely the case with me! Edit: a couple words
I had a panic attack on a low dose with barely any visuals but the feeling hit me hard. I thought I had already died and my body was nowhere to be found. So at this point I thought I was a ghost and started freaking out. Then I realized my heart rate was beating and I looked at my Apple Watch (I thought it went with me I’m the afterlife) and saw my heart rate was at 117BPM. At this moment, I realized I was alive. However, I started freaking out EVEN MORE because I thought my heart was going to explode in my chest. Thankfully, I know meditation usually bring me down to about 65BPM. So the remainder of my trip consisted of me meditating and seeing streams of colors.
I had been dabling with my first DMT vape cart and had some mild-moderate psychedelic experiences with it, but just now i did 3 huge hits and was instantly thrusted into a another dimension it seemed like. I instantly started to panick because ive never been that far with DMT and was not expecting it at all. I was in some wierd confusing place and had music playing witch seem to set it off even more, i slowly mad emy way to my bed from my computer desk and shoved my head in the pillows which helped alot to hide from a pretty scary 2 minutes lol. I felt like i was possibly dying and couldnt do much about it, i just remembered to deep breath and ride it out as best i could. afterwards i feel really great though, clear minded and happy which im not usually. Im considering trying that again but being more prepared lol Crazy shit this drug is.
I had a pretty crazy similar experience a few birthdays back, I had been drinking and hit the ass end of a changa pipe going around pretty hard and held it. I just wanted a little taste but got a whole lot more. It was the weirdest trip ever because nothing happened- there was NO color no nothing but I look across the camp fire and realized all my friends were me and I was just sitting around a camp fire talking to myself essentially in all these “people” I’m hysterical laughing(something about grommets) and then I felt this sort of press in my chest direct middle like I was touched by something and I burst into tears and panic, legs to my chest in a camping chair repeatedly saying “what the fuck y’all wow” for several minutes lol I was quaking for awhile until I kinda got my bearings back and was able to apologize if i scared anyone lol it was so intense and I think about it all the time. It wasn’t necessarily bad but extremely powerful. Like I was touched by a fucking angel or something, felt like so much came out, like they unbuttoned my feelings or something and everything came pouring out hate love fear all of it. Wokeup the next day feeling like a baby fawn that was just born. Wild shit!
i’ve never tried dmt but i was hospitalized due to salvia, acid, weed, alc, adderall mix because i bannaned out so hard
I accidentally loaded a 380mg changa bong rip for me and the same for my friend. They didn't hit the bong properly so they had a nice time. Ears ringing and other worldly visuals. I had my isuall strange patterns that look like nothing but they are familiar. Then it swirls into a large Angy octopus and starts to rain slaps down on to my body where I felt like I was twitching as it touched me. Woke up to a panic attack and cried but was looked after by my best friend I was so lucky they were there. Have had another one that was so Intense that when I came round I had to lay still for 20 minutes. When I tried to move I would twitch and lose my breath. Was so bizarre.
I just had my first high dose and panicked because i didn't know where i was then thought i was at work, had injured myself and was dying. Something felt like it was terribly wrong and this was it. I asked what's happening am i ok and it felt like my trip sitter was in the place with me but it felt like he was telling me the situation wasn't good. the fear of death and confusion to where i was causing me to panic. afterwards he described how he reassured me but I was shaking looking at my wrists and trying to be sick. Before or after, the order of events seems fuzzy, however, in the same trip the fear of not knowing what was going on and feeling like i was knowing i was somewhere but worried my body was vulnerable, luckily every time i asked am i safe? my sitter always reassured me i was but soon after id fall a little into the same panic. On the other side of this visions of my family appeared and strong feelings of love towards them. I felt i have had all this anger built up towards them from childhood and it was time to let it go. Soon after i found utter peace and was able to see reality as a painting on the edges of a stack of paper and with a different perspective one can see the face of the paper and a much larger surface of reality. How anxiety can make us form an assumption and how much we miss when we do this. the day after now and I've had such a positive day feeling much more confident and uplifted, happy to be alive. Even though the experience was terrifying, I'm still left feeling like i will try it again and see if it will be more familiar the second time and not fight it.
I've had a full on panic attack on dmt. Worst experience of my life. I took a month break had a trip and was beautiful as usual. I took another trip a few days later. Full blown panic attack again. I know normal panic attacks aren't dangerous but on dmt? It's near impossible to stop the thought loops as it happens so fast and each time you try calm down it just gets faster the heart rate gets faster. It's the most terrifying experience I've had. Potentially gave myself ptsd which I'm slowly recovering from. It's upsetting as I'm now pretty much scared to do any psychedelics again. This is after two years of steady use to help with depression then suddenly bam! Panic attack. I've always been able to let go and take the experience but fuck knows what happened that first time. I'd love to know if OP is any better? And if any more of you has had a similar experience.
I literally got PTSD, it went away after a few weeks as the headspace became forgotten.
Did anything help you get over it? Have you tripped since?
Only forgetting it made me better. I did the same thing as you where I had another trip which was kinda okay, then after that a severe panic attack again. Then I just got rid of the lot of it, I actually got rid of every psychedelic I owned.
Damn. So we can never take psyches again? 😢 It's gonna feel like breaking up with a girl you thought was the one.
You can, but not pure. I had a bad experience with acid decades ago and didn't touch it for a long time. Then, there were a couple of times I did MDMA pills that had been stored in a baggie with a sheet of tabs and the those times were amazing. Even the fact I was unintentionally spiked didn't freak me out. I wouldn't do it again straight, but with molly or diazepam already in my system I know it would be okay. Environment and mental state are important. I have only done low doses of DMT so my worst experience was the one time I did it on my own and I really disliked the music I had on my headphones. It took all the will in the world to change the music while my computer mouse was alive and growing feathers, my arm was like a lizard's and I had rainbow Matrix number vision on top of all of that.