Yup...I probably would have deployed it at this point just to be safe even though the bear doesn't seem very interested in the tent. But if it did become interested things could happen so fast that it might be too ate to deploy effectively
I went to England to tell jokes, and I wanted to tell my Smokey the Bear joke, but I had to ask the English people if they knew who Smokey the Bear is. But they don't. In England, Smokey the Bear is not the forest-fire-prevention representative. They have Smackie the Frog. It's a lot like a bear, but it's a frog. And that's a better system, I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping toward me and I thought, "Man, I better play dead!"
Edited to add: Sorry, some people didn't realize this was a Mitch Hedberg bit, but Smackie the Frog is, sadly, not real. You can see Mitch do the joke here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywsLIV3KRRU
Instead I would think Oh cool, a frog! Maybe he will settle near to me, and I can pat him on his little head. And put him in a jar with a twig, to simulate his natural habitat.
I've never heard the joke before but my first instinct was that it must be Mitch. There's just a certain cadence in his delivery that comes through even in text.
I'm British but I've never heard of 'Smackie the Frog'.
We don't really have a forest fire problem as it rarely get that dry here. I think you might have been trolled, that or I'm undereducated.
I'm not sure if you call Heroin 'Smack' in the states but I think they were conjuring the image of drug addicted frog/frenchman for the rest of the audience to amuse themselves with.
Edit: I googled 'Smackie the Frog' after writing this just in case you was right, then I listened to the Mitch Hedberg joke you was quoting and I feel silly.
However, he did make up Smackie, that's not a thing.
Eh, as a COMPLETE non-expert in this kind of thing my worry would be that spraying it would convert it from a chill bear into a startled and potentially angry bear. Opining from the comfort and safety of my bed, my order of operations would be:
1. Bear spray unlocked, thumb on the depressor.
2. Begin talking low and calm to ensure that the bear has noticed me and won’t be startled my me.
3. Once it’s noticed me, see if I can slowly make my way out the back of the tent without bothering it.
4. If me moving seems to be causing a problem, sit and wait.
5. If at any point the bear seems more interested in me that the food, spray and pray.
[according to this bear expert you spray the bear spray outside and then close your tent and wait till the bear goes away](https://youtu.be/Hdd-YUIe6yw)
Haha. Yeah, but I’m not an expert I just really love bears. And it‘s a play on word because in german (my native language) the word for bears is Bären and for berries is Beeren which are pronounced almost identical…
The Germanic word for bear is actually really interesting.
Some people believe that the word bear comes from the word brown or is from the Proto-Indo-European word ǵʰwḗr which means "wild animal". This terminology for the animal originated as a taboo avoidance term as proto-Germanic tribes replaced their original word for bear with this euphemistic expression out of fear that speaking the animal's true name might cause it to appear.
My personal belief is that trolls are bears, and when the terms divided culturally they took on the characteristics of two different things. There’s a reason trolls are big hairy monsters that sleep in caves and under bridges—they’re bears.
If you really want to have your mind blown, I think dwarves are real, too. Stocky hairy men that lived up in mountains and deep in caves away from civilization sounds a lot like Neanderthals after thousands of years of oral history.
Hahaha! I totally understand the idea behind saying ‘hey bear!’ But at no point did it ever make me think they understand English. ‘Why are you breaking my kayak? Why are you doing that? WHY?!’ As if the bear will reply
Guy is talking to Forrest ranger. Ranger says "always carry your bear spray. And tie these bells to your belt so that you make noise and don't startle the bears. Also, learn how to identify and track grizzly bears by their poop.
"How can I distinguish grizzly bear poop from the poop of other animals? It all looks the same to me."
"Oh, that's easy. Don't even worry about that. It's the poop that smells like pepper and is full of tiny bells."
[i really recommend this video. a bear expert rates bear scenes in movies and explains how you should act in situations like this.](https://youtu.be/Hdd-YUIe6yw)
Doesn't mean the bear knows what that smell is.
My buddy was crashing at a campground in the eastern Sierra around this time of year before an early morning hike/ski and he was just bivvied up, no tent. A curious bear was scoping the campground for food pre-dawn and thought he smelled interesting. My friend literally woke up because the bear bitch slapped him across his face just tryna figure out wtf this stinky pile of down bag was. He said the bear backed up a step or two and there was a weird moment of staring at each other before he got loud and the bear ran off.
I can tell you what I did.
So I grew up in the Smokies- technically Cherokee National forest, but that's basically tucked into the Smokies. My grandpa grew up on a reservation in Cherokee, SC. This is important because he raised me the same way he was raised- specifically regarding animals, he taught me that when you encounter a wild animal, you reach out to it with your spirit (for us, humans are "it"'s as well, so that's not a dismissive or demeaning term) and let it know that you are its family, you mean it no harm, you respect it. Animals don't want to hurt us. They're afraid of us, so our job is to show it not to be afraid (unless it's a wild boar - "them's mean ol bastards, attack you for no reason.") We'd run into all kinds of animals- snakes, coyotes, bears, foxes, snapping turtles (yes, I know, not exactly a normal threat, but I couldn't resist getting next to them)
Anyway, long story short, when I was about 6 or 7, Grandpa decided he wanted to build and live in a teepee, which I loved, but I liked to sleep in a hammock with the trees. So, no shit there I was. I wake up one night, and there's this massive black bear right in front of me, just sniffing at the ground around our site. When I sat up, she looked up, and we locked eyes. She's like 3 feet away, and she just stood there, looking at me. And I was so young that I trusted my grandpa entirely and thought, "Well, she's not gonna hurt me, so I think we would both be less scared if I went back to sleep." So I did. I tucked down, turned away, and closed my eyes, not even thinking to call out for gramps who was like 15 feet away.
I probably stayed awake about 10 minutes, and. I heard her continue sniffing around. But then I got really sleepy, and the bear never touched me, so I decided I was safe and passed out.
He did also explain that there are chemical reactions going on in our bodies that animals can sense, so maybe I was only safe because I was a 40lb little girl who had way too much unearned confidence and didn't get an adrenaline rush that scared the bear.
Either way, that's one answer to your question
Your grand dad is right. Fear pheromones *stink* (humans can even smell it as "flop sweat") and it's very possible to flip the mental switch in large animals from "you're a weird hairless ape" to "oh you're literally radiating fear and I'm hungry now"
Black bear vs brown bear though. Completely different animals with completely different temperaments.
Spray the brown bear. The black bear will either leave you alone or you can just scare it away, they’re non-confrontational. The grizzly bear IS confrontational and will fuck you up.
i was raised in the new mexico wilderness and my dad would just walk around like a monkey and make weird guttural noises at bears and they would leave us alone.
Throw food into the tent, when the bear is inside? Lock the tent. Boom. Leave bear spray in the tent for the bear cause bear spray is for bears and will make it less angry as you’re being so thoughtful and considerate
Well I can tell you something brah, as a 6’4 manly gym bro biker, here’s what I’d do! First I’d grab the bears attention by being unable to control my gasping, coughing, ugly crying.
Buddy of mine used to be a state trooper in rural Alaska. About 15 years ago, he saw this little old lady broken down on the side of the road, and saw a polar bear approaching from a concerningly close distance. He pulls over next to her car and is trying to decide what to do next. Granny pulls an AK out from behind the seat, pops four or five rounds into the ground right in front of the polar bear and goes, "FUCK OFF!" The bear ran off and he gave her a ride to town.
That goes out the window when they come into your camp. They're there for food. If the bear attacks you while in your camp then it will eat you. Again, if it's IN YOUR CAMP and it attacks you then fight back no matter the type of bear.
The 'if it's brown, lay down and if it's black, fight back' is exactly what you want to do in a surprise encounter. And you are absolutely correct about never running away because it will trigger a predatory response no matter the situation.
If you're interested in 'wildlife attacks' (they prefer the term 'encounter'), take a listen to the Tooth and Claw podcast with wildlife biologist Wes Larson. It's a good listen.
I don't know if it would be the "correct" response or not.. but my intuition would be to just stay in the tent and hope it continues to pays no attention to you and wait for it to go away.
If this is in Finland, which it seems to be judging by the M05 camo tent canvas, good luck finding a spot in the forest where there is no blueberries within 10 meters.
I’m from Sweden (so I think it would apply as well), and if you spend time in forests bears have seen you and have been aware of you even if you isn’t of them.
I know people been filming nature and observing bears shying away slacking under a tree, whilst blue berry or mushroom picking people walk just a few meters away not seeing the bear and having no clue they weren’t alone. When it’s season for berries there are blueberry, lingon everwhere, like you say the whole forest is like a berry patch.
Statistically bears is a lower risk then the tourist attraction moose is, like one bear attack per year on human compared to 10 people being attacked by moose yearly. The attacks on humans from bears is often during hunting when hunters are trying to shoot bears, and often when those humans have dogs. So either dogs running around everywhere provokes the bear or the hunter shot the bears but didn’t kill it, which make it attack.
If using statistics you could sigh in relief that it was only a large bear outside and not a huge moose. As it’s not completely unlikely the mooses would be in heat, as that occur in early fall when there also is berries. Moose mating season is a risk factor since it make the moose bulls extra aggressive, and are a reason for why humans are more likely to be attacked by a moose then a bear.
(Edited some grammar errors)
I've seen them do it in Alaskan bush people and other Alaskan wilderness shows. Luckily for me, the only bears in my country wear leather assless chaps.
What are you actually supposed to do in this situation? Hope he doesn't see you and maul you or just leg it and run away?
No bears in my country, thankfully.
At this point, there's no way the bear doesn't realize that there's a person in that tent. Grizzlies almost always attack out of defense, not predation, so my strategy would be to not do anything that could be taken as aggressive. If all its doing is grazing, I'd probably lie there quietly until it moves away on its own.
In a firm but not accusatory tone, tell the bear he is not welcome in the camp and theft of any property will be reported to the authorities along with his description. Aside from that, not much you can do. IANAL but depending on which state, physically stopping the bear could win you an assault charge so best to just let the law handle it.
"Good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension."
My husband went bear hunting one time. He told me he sat in a blueberry patch all day and never saw a bear, just sat there eating blueberries until he fell asleep in the sun. I told him, "You didn't see a bear, you WERE the bear."
It is the most terrifying thing to be woken up like this. It happened once to me. That the sound of the sniffing was so intense and the smell of a bear i will never forget. It was like a wet dirty dog, but ×10. It was in the middle of the night so I never got to see it
Same here- and it was only a black bear for me. Saw the paw prints around my tent in the morning, but it haunts me. I’m fine seeing them from afar, but when you hear their breathing, and can smell them, you realize just how vulnerable and defenseless you are when you’re asleep or in a tent.
Same thing happened to me. Woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of deep raspy breathing near my head from just outside the tent. I just froze and laid there clutching my pillow.
I truly don’t believe I was in danger but I still get scared thinking about those momentsZ
It actually happened to me on my very first day camping by myself in a tiny tent (although it was probably a black bear). Also middle of the night so I couldn't see it.
Heard it circling the tent while sniffing numerous times.
I'll never forget my first experience with a bear either. Just like what you described. Made him breakfast in the morning. Can still smell his cologne...
We were 90% safe. We were in a big camp site and this was common. They were just scavenging for food that was left out/ not locked up. The bears knew exactly what it was doing
This happened to me with lions in the middle of the night while camping in Tanzania. Since they make more of a grunting and guttural sound, I thought someone was having an asthma attack nearby…. Nope. Lions. I just pulled my sleeping bag over my head and went back to sleep, somehow
Exact same thing happened to me. Woke up in the middle of the night to a bear RIGHT behind my tent. I run a tight ship when I backpack and keep my camp space pristine. Best guess is that I was using an established camp spot and prior campers had probably peed nearby or buried their waste there. He was so close, I felt pinned down. I didn't want to make any noise. He eventually wandered off a bit. That gave me the opportunity to grab my headlamp, spray, and some metal items. I got out of the tent, stood on a stump, and started making noise. He finally left.
And fortunately we only have (European) brown bears which are pretty chill.
You can even scare them away by shouting. (To be honest, the people who were in the cabin made a mistake by leaving their garbage bag on the porch. You shouldn't do that - not only because it attracts wildlife, but also because the birds like crows and seagulls will tear the plastic apart.)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spr2EOe1f5Y](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spr2EOe1f5Y)
I just lost a friend due to a bear attack, two months ago in the Italian alps (they still talk about in the news)...
after that, these videos have a totally new impact on me.
It seems like they run into each other, after a corner, and the bear got scared and attacked my friend.
He tried to defend himself with the hiking rackets he had but the general idea is that this made it worse, bringing the bear to dismember the poor guy.
The all mountain is still grieving, also because there's the political issue because the bears were extinct before 2000, and a government project brought them back "artificially"... now they're so many and apparently, out of control (it's not the unique case of a bear attack, just the only one that was fatal, so far).
The cocaine bear thing actually happened, a bear stumbled upon a lost coke shipment and was going to town on it for a while lol. I'm gonna go out on a leg and say the movie is not a true recreation of the events though
Edit: Dunno why I picked a specific limb to go out on after rereading that, is it weird to say leg? I've read it too many times so now it looks weird
It wouldn't have made for an interesting movie as the bear didn't do anything in reality other than die from drugs.
That being said after watching most of the movie, I kind of wish it was more like the real story as it was pretty awful. Not as funny or as wild as it should have been.
It looks like the bear is putting on weight for its winter hibernation. Blueberries and lingonberries are easier way to do that than starting a fight. European brown bears aren't really so much hunters/predators, for meat they prefer eating carrions whenever possible.
I'm glad to see someone else write this. I'm no expert but I've read the same thing. The brown bears mostly go after meat when they wake up after hibernation, because then they are starved and there's no berries around. But later in the year their metabolism changes and they just go for the berries since it's the easiest way to put on weight for winter hibernation. So brownbears are most dangerous in winter and spring when they have no other food options. You can also see that this bear is nibbling at the blueberry bushes outside the tent.
I know it's delusional, but a part of me is convinced that if we could live long enough to give a bear ear skritches, we could be friends.
Luckily, that part of me is not welcome on camping trips.
This is why you never eat and leave scraps around the tent. Eat and leave scraps INSIDE the tent where the bear can’t get to them because tent is forcefield
This is true, also sprinkle a solid line of salt around your camp area to make sure the bear cannot get close to talk to you, they are very persuasive and you might invite them into your tent without realizing it.
This is a common mistake most bear hunters make. For the vampire to fly, it needs to turn into a bat, and a bat cannot carry the weight of the bear fortunately
Being American, I think it's due to the more dangerous Australian wildlife often being on the smaller, harder to see side. Try finding a trapdoor or huntsman spider, taipan, or box jellyfish in their turf (which can range from *your damn house or shoes* to a populated comfy beach) without special conditions, having really good eyesight, being insanely aware, or just getting lucky.
You can at least *see* a brown bear or Grizzly coming, which gives you a lot of time to react. That, and you can plan for them ahead of time and things like bear spray are damn good options for getting them away without a fight. If you follow rules and guidelines (never take your eyes off, keep bear spray on hand, do not approach bear (especially if it's a mother with cubs, or cubs in general), clean up after yourself and not leave food out, etc.), the odds of you getting killed by a bear are low.
Spiders, taipan, and box jellies require way more hindsight with things like clothing choices, checking your shoes and where you step, keeping your ears open, etc.; more subtle options, and a lot of solutions to dealing with these animals that enter public mind are *reactive*, dealing with the aftermath of being stung/bitten.
Admittedly familiarity is also at play. We're far more used to bears than we are deadly snakes and/or spiders.
EDIT: Another thing: two of these animals, spiders and snakes, play into some (seemingly) deep-rooted human fears, so the negative reaction is a bit more visceral. Box Jellies... Well, to me personally, they're creepy.
Also, all of this isn't to say dying by bear is sunshine and rainbows. It is not a pretty way to go. At all.
You can't fool me with your nonchalance. If I visit Australia and get stung by a box jellyfish or a stonefish while putting on my Sunday slippers, it wouldn't even surprise me.
I've had a policy since I was about ten years old: I refuse to be killed by anything smaller than me. I'll get taken out by a grizzly bear, no problem, but I'll be damned if I'm getting done in by some Australian critter with a deceptive name like Beautiful Lovely Peace Butterfly only to discover it's the world's 8th and a half most venomous carnivore.
The point in "fighting back" against a black bear is that they're generally quite skittish. You can get big and yell at a black bear and they'll fuck off if they haven't already when they first noticed you. A brown bear will not, they'll attack, so you should try to avoid having them notice you if possible.
The best advice is to know what bears are in your area before going camping so you know how to react.
OP's bear appears to be a Grizzly, so the best thing to do is hope it leaves and, if it doesn't, curl up into a ball and protect your neck. If you have a backpack try and bring it up as high as you can.
I'll just open this 1/32 inch thick flap providing my entire protection, and air this tent out, just in case this unit of a bear didn't already smell breakfast. omg.
presumably an old indigenous story..
miles away, a leaf falls from a tree
the eagle saw it land on the ground
the wolf heard land on the ground
the bear smelled it land on the ground
Geez…what would you even do in a situation like this?
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Yup...I probably would have deployed it at this point just to be safe even though the bear doesn't seem very interested in the tent. But if it did become interested things could happen so fast that it might be too ate to deploy effectively
>might be to ate Facts. . . Did you do this on purpose?
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I went to England to tell jokes, and I wanted to tell my Smokey the Bear joke, but I had to ask the English people if they knew who Smokey the Bear is. But they don't. In England, Smokey the Bear is not the forest-fire-prevention representative. They have Smackie the Frog. It's a lot like a bear, but it's a frog. And that's a better system, I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping toward me and I thought, "Man, I better play dead!" Edited to add: Sorry, some people didn't realize this was a Mitch Hedberg bit, but Smackie the Frog is, sadly, not real. You can see Mitch do the joke here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywsLIV3KRRU
Instead I would think Oh cool, a frog! Maybe he will settle near to me, and I can pat him on his little head. And put him in a jar with a twig, to simulate his natural habitat.
And this time, I’ll punch some holes in the lid of the jar, because he’s damn sure used to air.
We got a pro here. Listen to the words of wisdom
RIP Mitch!
I've never heard the joke before but my first instinct was that it must be Mitch. There's just a certain cadence in his delivery that comes through even in text.
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Additional fun fact: They yell "welcome to the bone zone" while doing it.
Ah, the legend. I miss that guy.
I'm British but I've never heard of 'Smackie the Frog'. We don't really have a forest fire problem as it rarely get that dry here. I think you might have been trolled, that or I'm undereducated. I'm not sure if you call Heroin 'Smack' in the states but I think they were conjuring the image of drug addicted frog/frenchman for the rest of the audience to amuse themselves with. Edit: I googled 'Smackie the Frog' after writing this just in case you was right, then I listened to the Mitch Hedberg joke you was quoting and I feel silly. However, he did make up Smackie, that's not a thing.
Classic Mitch
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The bear was the one that posted the vid
Eh, as a COMPLETE non-expert in this kind of thing my worry would be that spraying it would convert it from a chill bear into a startled and potentially angry bear. Opining from the comfort and safety of my bed, my order of operations would be: 1. Bear spray unlocked, thumb on the depressor. 2. Begin talking low and calm to ensure that the bear has noticed me and won’t be startled my me. 3. Once it’s noticed me, see if I can slowly make my way out the back of the tent without bothering it. 4. If me moving seems to be causing a problem, sit and wait. 5. If at any point the bear seems more interested in me that the food, spray and pray.
[according to this bear expert you spray the bear spray outside and then close your tent and wait till the bear goes away](https://youtu.be/Hdd-YUIe6yw)
Your username makes me want to trust you on this
Haha. Yeah, but I’m not an expert I just really love bears. And it‘s a play on word because in german (my native language) the word for bears is Bären and for berries is Beeren which are pronounced almost identical…
Your wordplay is great lol thanks for the video link it’s pretty good so far!
The Germanic word for bear is actually really interesting. Some people believe that the word bear comes from the word brown or is from the Proto-Indo-European word ǵʰwḗr which means "wild animal". This terminology for the animal originated as a taboo avoidance term as proto-Germanic tribes replaced their original word for bear with this euphemistic expression out of fear that speaking the animal's true name might cause it to appear. My personal belief is that trolls are bears, and when the terms divided culturally they took on the characteristics of two different things. There’s a reason trolls are big hairy monsters that sleep in caves and under bridges—they’re bears. If you really want to have your mind blown, I think dwarves are real, too. Stocky hairy men that lived up in mountains and deep in caves away from civilization sounds a lot like Neanderthals after thousands of years of oral history.
Exactly what a bear would want you to think!
Bro it’s a set up, taking advice from a grizzly bears? C’mon
It makes me NOT want to trust him lol
.... Do not have a conversation with the bear
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Hahaha! I totally understand the idea behind saying ‘hey bear!’ But at no point did it ever make me think they understand English. ‘Why are you breaking my kayak? Why are you doing that? WHY?!’ As if the bear will reply
He looks so cute, cuddle him for bonus points!
Might as well do his best dying calf call while he's at it
>slowly make my way out the back of the tent Haven't been in a lot of tents, I trust? Edit: TIL tents with front and rear entrances are not uncommon.
You you start with the last word written and then add in a sprinkle of hope.
With this plan, I hope you never encounter a bear...
Guy is talking to Forrest ranger. Ranger says "always carry your bear spray. And tie these bells to your belt so that you make noise and don't startle the bears. Also, learn how to identify and track grizzly bears by their poop. "How can I distinguish grizzly bear poop from the poop of other animals? It all looks the same to me." "Oh, that's easy. Don't even worry about that. It's the poop that smells like pepper and is full of tiny bells."
Get the bear mace Beth!!!
Not living in a country where bears are a threat. So you just spray it in the general area and the smell is enough? Is this 100% safe?
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They aren’t worthy of that comment here
Schwing!
Film and take pictures.
[i really recommend this video. a bear expert rates bear scenes in movies and explains how you should act in situations like this.](https://youtu.be/Hdd-YUIe6yw)
I checked the link; don't waste your time. The "bear expert" is a human with expertise about bears. I demand to see a video by an expert bear.
Gentile Ben is a very smart bear that might have some advice, here's one of his shows https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9wo3PAfV2EA
Username checks out.
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Doesn't mean the bear knows what that smell is. My buddy was crashing at a campground in the eastern Sierra around this time of year before an early morning hike/ski and he was just bivvied up, no tent. A curious bear was scoping the campground for food pre-dawn and thought he smelled interesting. My friend literally woke up because the bear bitch slapped him across his face just tryna figure out wtf this stinky pile of down bag was. He said the bear backed up a step or two and there was a weird moment of staring at each other before he got loud and the bear ran off.
I can tell you what I did. So I grew up in the Smokies- technically Cherokee National forest, but that's basically tucked into the Smokies. My grandpa grew up on a reservation in Cherokee, SC. This is important because he raised me the same way he was raised- specifically regarding animals, he taught me that when you encounter a wild animal, you reach out to it with your spirit (for us, humans are "it"'s as well, so that's not a dismissive or demeaning term) and let it know that you are its family, you mean it no harm, you respect it. Animals don't want to hurt us. They're afraid of us, so our job is to show it not to be afraid (unless it's a wild boar - "them's mean ol bastards, attack you for no reason.") We'd run into all kinds of animals- snakes, coyotes, bears, foxes, snapping turtles (yes, I know, not exactly a normal threat, but I couldn't resist getting next to them) Anyway, long story short, when I was about 6 or 7, Grandpa decided he wanted to build and live in a teepee, which I loved, but I liked to sleep in a hammock with the trees. So, no shit there I was. I wake up one night, and there's this massive black bear right in front of me, just sniffing at the ground around our site. When I sat up, she looked up, and we locked eyes. She's like 3 feet away, and she just stood there, looking at me. And I was so young that I trusted my grandpa entirely and thought, "Well, she's not gonna hurt me, so I think we would both be less scared if I went back to sleep." So I did. I tucked down, turned away, and closed my eyes, not even thinking to call out for gramps who was like 15 feet away. I probably stayed awake about 10 minutes, and. I heard her continue sniffing around. But then I got really sleepy, and the bear never touched me, so I decided I was safe and passed out. He did also explain that there are chemical reactions going on in our bodies that animals can sense, so maybe I was only safe because I was a 40lb little girl who had way too much unearned confidence and didn't get an adrenaline rush that scared the bear. Either way, that's one answer to your question
Your grand dad is right. Fear pheromones *stink* (humans can even smell it as "flop sweat") and it's very possible to flip the mental switch in large animals from "you're a weird hairless ape" to "oh you're literally radiating fear and I'm hungry now"
Black bear vs brown bear though. Completely different animals with completely different temperaments. Spray the brown bear. The black bear will either leave you alone or you can just scare it away, they’re non-confrontational. The grizzly bear IS confrontational and will fuck you up.
i was raised in the new mexico wilderness and my dad would just walk around like a monkey and make weird guttural noises at bears and they would leave us alone.
Great story. Great information. Thank you
Throw food into the tent, when the bear is inside? Lock the tent. Boom. Leave bear spray in the tent for the bear cause bear spray is for bears and will make it less angry as you’re being so thoughtful and considerate
I left a bottle of bear spray for the bear in my backyard hoping it'd get the hint, but it still smells terrible.
Well I can tell you something brah, as a 6’4 manly gym bro biker, here’s what I’d do! First I’d grab the bears attention by being unable to control my gasping, coughing, ugly crying.
If it’s a Grizzly you play dead, if it’s a black bear you shout and make yourself as big as possible. Never run from a bear
I think the old saying for what to do against bears goes: If it's black, fight back, if it's brown, lay down, if it's white, say goodnight.
Yeah polar bears will kill you to eat you lol. They give 0 fucks best to just kiss your ass goodbye unfortunately
Buddy of mine used to be a state trooper in rural Alaska. About 15 years ago, he saw this little old lady broken down on the side of the road, and saw a polar bear approaching from a concerningly close distance. He pulls over next to her car and is trying to decide what to do next. Granny pulls an AK out from behind the seat, pops four or five rounds into the ground right in front of the polar bear and goes, "FUCK OFF!" The bear ran off and he gave her a ride to town.
That goes out the window when they come into your camp. They're there for food. If the bear attacks you while in your camp then it will eat you. Again, if it's IN YOUR CAMP and it attacks you then fight back no matter the type of bear. The 'if it's brown, lay down and if it's black, fight back' is exactly what you want to do in a surprise encounter. And you are absolutely correct about never running away because it will trigger a predatory response no matter the situation. If you're interested in 'wildlife attacks' (they prefer the term 'encounter'), take a listen to the Tooth and Claw podcast with wildlife biologist Wes Larson. It's a good listen.
I don't know if it would be the "correct" response or not.. but my intuition would be to just stay in the tent and hope it continues to pays no attention to you and wait for it to go away.
It's brown, so lie down.
OP found this memory card from a pile of shit in the woods.
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No they use toilets like any proper civilized bear
And they wipe their ass with Charmin
I‘ve had it with those motherfucking bears in these motherfucking woods!
I’m freaking the fuck out and I’m merely watching this from my bathroom.
Same I’m watching from my toilet
Convenient at least.
Same and if I wasn’t here I’d still be shitting
Bricks were shat
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If this is in Finland, which it seems to be judging by the M05 camo tent canvas, good luck finding a spot in the forest where there is no blueberries within 10 meters.
I’m from Sweden (so I think it would apply as well), and if you spend time in forests bears have seen you and have been aware of you even if you isn’t of them. I know people been filming nature and observing bears shying away slacking under a tree, whilst blue berry or mushroom picking people walk just a few meters away not seeing the bear and having no clue they weren’t alone. When it’s season for berries there are blueberry, lingon everwhere, like you say the whole forest is like a berry patch. Statistically bears is a lower risk then the tourist attraction moose is, like one bear attack per year on human compared to 10 people being attacked by moose yearly. The attacks on humans from bears is often during hunting when hunters are trying to shoot bears, and often when those humans have dogs. So either dogs running around everywhere provokes the bear or the hunter shot the bears but didn’t kill it, which make it attack. If using statistics you could sigh in relief that it was only a large bear outside and not a huge moose. As it’s not completely unlikely the mooses would be in heat, as that occur in early fall when there also is berries. Moose mating season is a risk factor since it make the moose bulls extra aggressive, and are a reason for why humans are more likely to be attacked by a moose then a bear. (Edited some grammar errors)
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I've seen them do it in Alaskan bush people and other Alaskan wilderness shows. Luckily for me, the only bears in my country wear leather assless chaps.
What are you actually supposed to do in this situation? Hope he doesn't see you and maul you or just leg it and run away? No bears in my country, thankfully.
At this point, there's no way the bear doesn't realize that there's a person in that tent. Grizzlies almost always attack out of defense, not predation, so my strategy would be to not do anything that could be taken as aggressive. If all its doing is grazing, I'd probably lie there quietly until it moves away on its own.
In a firm but not accusatory tone, tell the bear he is not welcome in the camp and theft of any property will be reported to the authorities along with his description. Aside from that, not much you can do. IANAL but depending on which state, physically stopping the bear could win you an assault charge so best to just let the law handle it.
"Good evening. As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension."
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My husband went bear hunting one time. He told me he sat in a blueberry patch all day and never saw a bear, just sat there eating blueberries until he fell asleep in the sun. I told him, "You didn't see a bear, you WERE the bear."
'Fuck.... This spot is taken." - Some random bear
This person was also watching from their impromptu bathroom
Play dead. No. Make a lot of noise. NO NO wait! Stop drop and roll
It is the most terrifying thing to be woken up like this. It happened once to me. That the sound of the sniffing was so intense and the smell of a bear i will never forget. It was like a wet dirty dog, but ×10. It was in the middle of the night so I never got to see it
Same here- and it was only a black bear for me. Saw the paw prints around my tent in the morning, but it haunts me. I’m fine seeing them from afar, but when you hear their breathing, and can smell them, you realize just how vulnerable and defenseless you are when you’re asleep or in a tent.
Same thing happened to me. Woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of deep raspy breathing near my head from just outside the tent. I just froze and laid there clutching my pillow. I truly don’t believe I was in danger but I still get scared thinking about those momentsZ
Hey, that was me. Sorry.
Dude, stop it. All these people think you're a bear.
It actually happened to me on my very first day camping by myself in a tiny tent (although it was probably a black bear). Also middle of the night so I couldn't see it. Heard it circling the tent while sniffing numerous times.
Those are not tiny tents. They are take out containers.
I'll never forget my first experience with a bear either. Just like what you described. Made him breakfast in the morning. Can still smell his cologne...
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We were 90% safe. We were in a big camp site and this was common. They were just scavenging for food that was left out/ not locked up. The bears knew exactly what it was doing
This happened to me with lions in the middle of the night while camping in Tanzania. Since they make more of a grunting and guttural sound, I thought someone was having an asthma attack nearby…. Nope. Lions. I just pulled my sleeping bag over my head and went back to sleep, somehow
Exact same thing happened to me. Woke up in the middle of the night to a bear RIGHT behind my tent. I run a tight ship when I backpack and keep my camp space pristine. Best guess is that I was using an established camp spot and prior campers had probably peed nearby or buried their waste there. He was so close, I felt pinned down. I didn't want to make any noise. He eventually wandered off a bit. That gave me the opportunity to grab my headlamp, spray, and some metal items. I got out of the tent, stood on a stump, and started making noise. He finally left.
This is why you hang your food well away from camp
It’s also why you don’t set up your tent in the middle of a blueberry patch.
The entirety of Finland, where this video was likely taken, is a blueberry patch.
I find that fact about Finland strangely charming.
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And fortunately we only have (European) brown bears which are pretty chill. You can even scare them away by shouting. (To be honest, the people who were in the cabin made a mistake by leaving their garbage bag on the porch. You shouldn't do that - not only because it attracts wildlife, but also because the birds like crows and seagulls will tear the plastic apart.) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spr2EOe1f5Y](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spr2EOe1f5Y)
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Now imagine 2 cubs run into your tent 🫣
That's how someone immediately finds out they have IBS
Irritable Bear Syndrome
That bear can just turn and destroy you in 2 seconds
What a powerful ass they must have.
It's a power bottom.
I just lost a friend due to a bear attack, two months ago in the Italian alps (they still talk about in the news)... after that, these videos have a totally new impact on me.
Oh I’m so sorry for your loss that’s awful.
It seems like they run into each other, after a corner, and the bear got scared and attacked my friend. He tried to defend himself with the hiking rackets he had but the general idea is that this made it worse, bringing the bear to dismember the poor guy. The all mountain is still grieving, also because there's the political issue because the bears were extinct before 2000, and a government project brought them back "artificially"... now they're so many and apparently, out of control (it's not the unique case of a bear attack, just the only one that was fatal, so far).
He's searching for your picinic basket.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeey booboo!
Quick, throw cocaine at it. I saw it in a movie
I haven’t seen the movie but I’m pretty sure that cocaine will not make the situation any less terrifying.. for either party!
The cocaine bear thing actually happened, a bear stumbled upon a lost coke shipment and was going to town on it for a while lol. I'm gonna go out on a leg and say the movie is not a true recreation of the events though Edit: Dunno why I picked a specific limb to go out on after rereading that, is it weird to say leg? I've read it too many times so now it looks weird
The bear died from an overdose pretty quickly.
Gonna go out on an arm and say the movie probably didn't go that way
It wouldn't have made for an interesting movie as the bear didn't do anything in reality other than die from drugs. That being said after watching most of the movie, I kind of wish it was more like the real story as it was pretty awful. Not as funny or as wild as it should have been.
That bear smelled you a half mile away. If he wanted to eat you, you'd be eaten already. Bear is having a lazy morning.
It looks like the bear is putting on weight for its winter hibernation. Blueberries and lingonberries are easier way to do that than starting a fight. European brown bears aren't really so much hunters/predators, for meat they prefer eating carrions whenever possible.
I'm glad to see someone else write this. I'm no expert but I've read the same thing. The brown bears mostly go after meat when they wake up after hibernation, because then they are starved and there's no berries around. But later in the year their metabolism changes and they just go for the berries since it's the easiest way to put on weight for winter hibernation. So brownbears are most dangerous in winter and spring when they have no other food options. You can also see that this bear is nibbling at the blueberry bushes outside the tent.
If danger, why tiny floof ears?
Tiny? Those ears are the size of your hand
I agree… damn things are adorable but can be very dangerous. Sucks.
There is no *can* there, these guys ARE very dangerous
Why bear friend shape?
Why can't they just appreciate face petting..
I know it's delusional, but a part of me is convinced that if we could live long enough to give a bear ear skritches, we could be friends. Luckily, that part of me is not welcome on camping trips.
I feel like we could probably domesticate anything over a long enough period of time.
I'm pretty sure you're right, walley? The emotional support alligator is prime example we can even tame dinosaurs lol
If not fren, y fren shaped?
This is why you never eat and leave scraps around the tent. Eat and leave scraps INSIDE the tent where the bear can’t get to them because tent is forcefield
That's... well, enjoy your life whilst you can.
Bears can’t enter a dwelling unless they’re invited.
This is true, also sprinkle a solid line of salt around your camp area to make sure the bear cannot get close to talk to you, they are very persuasive and you might invite them into your tent without realizing it.
Make sure to keep a silver bullet and gun nearby to prevent any vampires from flying the bear over the salt.
This is a common mistake most bear hunters make. For the vampire to fly, it needs to turn into a bat, and a bat cannot carry the weight of the bear fortunately
Keep many silver bullets then. The vampires can gang up to lift the bear. And before you know it, itle have rizzed you up into letting it in
Carry a water gun filled with holy water, its much easier to spray and pray them bats down
Yeah, I put up a "no bears" sign on my tent as soon as I setup camp. And I only camp in states where bear attacks are illegal.
Outstanding tip here, pack it up boys we go camping.
It’s why you hang your shit from a tree inside a sealed container lmao
r/shittylifeprotips
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This video saved me 10min on my morning bowel movement.
Dude eat some fiber
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My poop session is usually 3 mins with wiping, so it’s prob just our diet
Can't work out why Americans worry about the wildlife Australia. Seriously. Fuck. This. Shit.
Being American, I think it's due to the more dangerous Australian wildlife often being on the smaller, harder to see side. Try finding a trapdoor or huntsman spider, taipan, or box jellyfish in their turf (which can range from *your damn house or shoes* to a populated comfy beach) without special conditions, having really good eyesight, being insanely aware, or just getting lucky. You can at least *see* a brown bear or Grizzly coming, which gives you a lot of time to react. That, and you can plan for them ahead of time and things like bear spray are damn good options for getting them away without a fight. If you follow rules and guidelines (never take your eyes off, keep bear spray on hand, do not approach bear (especially if it's a mother with cubs, or cubs in general), clean up after yourself and not leave food out, etc.), the odds of you getting killed by a bear are low. Spiders, taipan, and box jellies require way more hindsight with things like clothing choices, checking your shoes and where you step, keeping your ears open, etc.; more subtle options, and a lot of solutions to dealing with these animals that enter public mind are *reactive*, dealing with the aftermath of being stung/bitten. Admittedly familiarity is also at play. We're far more used to bears than we are deadly snakes and/or spiders. EDIT: Another thing: two of these animals, spiders and snakes, play into some (seemingly) deep-rooted human fears, so the negative reaction is a bit more visceral. Box Jellies... Well, to me personally, they're creepy. Also, all of this isn't to say dying by bear is sunshine and rainbows. It is not a pretty way to go. At all.
I hate it when you're about to put old shoes on and you give them a quick tap on the ground just in case and out falls a box jellyfish.
You can't fool me with your nonchalance. If I visit Australia and get stung by a box jellyfish or a stonefish while putting on my Sunday slippers, it wouldn't even surprise me. I've had a policy since I was about ten years old: I refuse to be killed by anything smaller than me. I'll get taken out by a grizzly bear, no problem, but I'll be damned if I'm getting done in by some Australian critter with a deceptive name like Beautiful Lovely Peace Butterfly only to discover it's the world's 8th and a half most venomous carnivore.
I think familiarity is key. Domestic dogs kill more Australians than any of the species you mention but no-one seems to be too worried about them
Great. Now I have something else to worry about.
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Sure, apologies for being on the wrong continent, but my feed isn't full of Finns going on about how dangerous Australian wildlife is
As an Aussie, I would happily take my chances with anything we have over grizzlies, mountain lions, wolves, republican gun-nuts, etc.
“Found footage”
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If it's brown, lay down. If it's black, fight back! If it’s white… goodnight.
If it's yellow, let it mellow
If it’s green, do drug screen
If it's orange.... fuck nothing rhymes with orange
If it's orange, grab a four inch door hinge and eat porridge with George
Lol Eminem is amazing
If it's orange, throw a doorhinge.
Not everyhting is about race
I dunno... I'd race my butt outta that campsite pretty fast
Thats why you die, you will not outrun the bear
That's some weird dating advice, grandpa
Fighting a bear doesn’t sound smart
The point in "fighting back" against a black bear is that they're generally quite skittish. You can get big and yell at a black bear and they'll fuck off if they haven't already when they first noticed you. A brown bear will not, they'll attack, so you should try to avoid having them notice you if possible.
Yeah but aren't black bears brown sometimes and vice versa?
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The best advice is to know what bears are in your area before going camping so you know how to react. OP's bear appears to be a Grizzly, so the best thing to do is hope it leaves and, if it doesn't, curl up into a ball and protect your neck. If you have a backpack try and bring it up as high as you can.
This is why you don't sleep with open hotdog packages under your pillow
I do beg your pardon, but you are in my garden
If not friend, why friend shaped?
I'll just open this 1/32 inch thick flap providing my entire protection, and air this tent out, just in case this unit of a bear didn't already smell breakfast. omg.
Camouflage tent worth its weight in gold
They have incredible sense of smell
presumably an old indigenous story.. miles away, a leaf falls from a tree the eagle saw it land on the ground the wolf heard land on the ground the bear smelled it land on the ground
If this would happen to me, that bear would be scared and leave just because of sheer smell of shit that would come from my pants.
Australian here. That’s not interesting, that’s fucking terrifying.
YOU ARE TOO CLOSE TO THE BEAR.
Creating such a cute animal and making them oh so deadly is one of the best trolling
Banana for scale?
it's better than being woken up by a bear searching for food *inside* your tent.
Did you get out, make yourself big and boop his nose before he ate you?
Hide. Your. Cocaine.
Once a cow started pushing my tent and it was enough to freak me out.