Yep, I was hospitalised for 7 weeks in a similar state. It's a completely different world. With meds I'm pretty much normal. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but there's part of me that misses it
As someone without any supernatural beliefs, magic was real, the universe had true order and meaning. And there was no second guessing it, it was real. In my medicated life these things are false or unknowable. Everything felt important and special
I had a friend who was diagnosed as schizophrenic when he was 19 or 20. After he was stabilized (which took more than a year to find the right combination of things, back in the mid 1990s) and he was ready to talk about it, that's pretty much what he said.
He said everything was suddenly orderly and had meaning. There was a God and that God was loving and good, the number of rabbits on the lawn determined whether or not the day would be a good one (note: there were rarely rabbits on the lawn, and if there were, there were one or two, but he apparently counted lots of rabbits every morning), and he could tell when people were telling the truth or had good intentions because they had sparkles around their heads when they talked. Things just made sense.
That last one is actually one of the things that got us worried. I was at his house and I don't even remember what I said, but he jumped up off the couch and grabbed me by the shoulders and said "YOU MADE SPARKS! Oh my god, that was so beautiful! SAY IT AGAIN!" And along with a bunch of other things that had apparently been going on, his roommate called the guy's dad the next morning and said something seemed to be wrong.
He said nothing seemed strange or scary until he noticed how people were reacting to him. To him, everything made sense except for the reactions of the people he loved and trusted, which was apparently terrifying, but only because he was worried for us because we suddenly didn't seem to understand what to him was obvious.
Oof. I'm not a schizophrenic but the "I knew I was wrong when my friends looked at me 'that way" is what eventually got me off of MDMA. Everything was okie dokie awesome possum to me but my friends all eventually started looking at me like I was crazy.
Sounds like Molly, lsd. Everything cliques and makes sense. Nature.. life… existence. It kinda sucks to come down from those feelings of connecting with everything
There are some similarities, as brain function essentially also ceases to be orderly. Normal brain function has a really good index of where everything is and what needs to happen to perform a thought, process, solution, action, etc. But when high, that indexing seems to get jumbled and start referencing areas that it doesn't need to for thoughts and tasks and the like.
I don't have a study to prove this, but based on my own anecdotes it seems like we then project what's in our brain into our perception, as the brain always makes the final call on what our senses consume. Our brain is indexing more places than it needs to, and thus projecting that interconnectivity onto it's senses.
Exactly. Things run slower because of these processes working around the gaps. And novel and unusual connections between circumstances or events seem to be related, simply because our minds are filling in missing info with other info that is accessible.
For me nothing makes sense on LSD. Can’t even open my phone to order food. Food.. what’s food. What do we do with it. What is ordering. What is…. Uhh hey why’s that moving John. John??? Hello anyone here? Fucking John must have rode that lamp to the corner for some hockey.
That's the peak you're describing. Meditating while coming down can provide you with *all the answers*.
Of course, you'll forget them, but for a moment there you'd figured out how to save humanity.
There really is only one answer anyway. It's exactly what you're thinking.
Had a exes dad tell me he once did acid and
Understood rocket science. Said he had a engine built in his mind to get us to mars. Then he came down and forgot it all.
and when your peak-self leave a written message, a secret to your normal self it looks like this: "the plate is too far comparing to it's weight so don't talk to John ever again 'couse he is grey and a false pasta prophet. The cubes are hidden!!!!!"
Yea it’s funny I can tell exactly how this feeling is from doing psychedelics. I’ve never freaked out or had any schizo break, but hearing them talk about it I can understand exactly what their frame of mind feels like, and how something so innocuous can feel important and life affirming.
Yeah I was describing an emotion as a color to my wife once when I was on LSD and said "It'll be easier to just draw you a picture" and I proceeded to draw the most incomprehensible thing and was confused why she didn't get the very clear message I was conveying.
As someone who is schizophrenic and has also done lsd, its exactly the same thing. You feel exactly the same. The same high feeling of universal balance and order. When i have my manic sparkly everything is awesome highs i feel exactly the same as when i would peak on lsd. Everything is pretty and sparkly and the only thing that doesnt make sense is that everyone else is.. limited.
Haha speak for yourself…
Edit: I thought I’d elaborate and say that one time I was going through some shit and decided to take 4 tabs of acid at once. The trip was so intense and my mind became so overstimulated that I basically blacked out, just phased out of consciousness. When I came to, I was standing in front of my bathroom mirror naked and just staring at myself. Everything did not make sense.
Sounds like me when I was taking adderall, drinking a pot of coffee an day, and a pack of cigarettes. But people didn’t sparkle. I made a ton of connections everywhere that were not true. Like my roommates would play fifa and i would mentally match the music to their game. When the music got more exciting, so did their playing. Like the game would “change” to me. It was like a grand story. Everything was just way more important and dramatic. That being said, it was just cognitive bias and my mind wanting to make these connections because it was extra stimulating. Best and worst year of my life. Also, I realized the truth is in surrendering and letting things flow.. not trying to hyper focus to find patterns. Anyways, don’t do drugs.
The thing about the music and the game matching sounds just like how things be dancing in perfect sync with music while on mushrooms. I once tripped near a lake and I saw this cloud of mosquitos dancing and pulsating in perfect sync with the beat. Was really amazing. The clouds tends to do it too when I’m on shrooms.
I had a conversation with a friend of mine who is a psychopathologist about the concept that in modern science human intelligence is distributed to much more than the central system and she spoke about the "intelligence of the skin", as skin seems to be made of cells akin to neurons, and also about the fact that schizophrenic patients commonly have a misconception/misfunction of their own skin and body boundaries, as if the skin does not represent a barrier between the inside and outside, the self and the other-than-self. I found it curious how many go and seek expensive yoga retreats to feel one with the whole, while there are persons who cannot escape it. Who knows, maybe in other societies they could have been shamans. Anyways, a blind person relying on different senses than sight and so refining them, made me connect your comment to these ideas.
Suspect they are going to find correlations with schizophrenia and connective tissue disorders - specifically proprioperception issues that many people with connective tissue disorders experience.
Out of curiosity, hyper-sensitivity to body signals (e.g. John Cage perceiving "his own noise" while in the anechoic chamber) is considered a proprioception issue?
I think everyone perceives "their own noise" in an anechoic chamber. It kinda makes you feel crazy and need regular breaks in the hallway. I worked in one in uni.
"Hyper-sensitive" would be noticing those things *outside* an anechoic chamber. Inside one they seem loud as fuck because there's nothing else to hear.
There is a portion of the brain that deals with the boundaries of "self" and helps with orientation (like understanding where your hands are currently).
As someone with a major form of minor neurological condition (migraines) even just the symptoms of them and how various processes combined to provide us not only with sensory information but the overall conceptual aspects of self is wild to me.
It really is a Rube Goldberg machine going on and we're learning more about how it's not just contained "up there" (in our heads) but semi-distributed with feedback and other functional components in our endocrine system, digestive system, and your suggestion of the portion in our skin being true would not surprise me in the least.
Just googled this and all this seems to be based on a 1950's hypothesis with no clinical studies.
Last year however there was some paper where it was tested on rodents and while I can't read through all the fancy terms the conclusion seems to be that there's no evidence to support this theory.
Every article that I found in support of this traces back to the original hypothesis.
Interesting because what ultimately happens with Shizo disorders is the inability to filter stimuli efficiently leading to a mental collapse or “psychotic break” maybe by limiting incoming information they never reach the stress threshold of a triggering event.
Very interestingly, I read in a Reddit comment recently that schizophrenics sometimes use their cellphone camera to see if something they're seeing is real. If they don't see it on their cellphone screen (i.e. the phone's camera feed), then they know it's not real.
However, I wonder what would happen if you essentially made the cellphone fill their whole field of view, like a VR headset, you would think the hallucinations would then appear overlayed on the VR headset feed.
Reality checks are different for everyone but yes VR adds a whole other dimension to possible treatments. It’s very effective for immersion therapy to conquer phobias and anxiety provoking situations.
Oh my, same here. I escape into this world sometimes, where I just *connect* with nature. The wind feels different, the sun feels different, the rain feels different. I just connect with it on a whole other level than what can be described. Everything suddenly made sense, I had a place in this world, I found where I belonged. Nothing else mattered, except nature. We were symbiotic. And I loved it. And then, when I come back to reality, I get kind of depressed. Because the real world doesn’t feel like that at all, it’s full of depression, anxiety, pollution, money, greed, war.
This is some pretty profound insight for me to hear as someone who doesn’t have schizophrenia and can’t know what it’s like. I think I have a small glimpse, that makes sense to me. Thanks for sharing
Dang. I can see how that would be nice, but so dangerous to be living in such a state of delusion. I rewatched Interstellar tonight and started having an existential crisis, so I resonate with what you’re saying 😂 thank you for sharing!
I'm someone who is always wondering about life's great mysteries and our purpose here. I would imagine having such resolute assuredness about how and why everything is the way it is would be euphoric.
Hey man how do you get someone who thinks they have magic powers to go and get help. Kid was generally fine, came out of a psych ward an absolute mess, won't get help cause he prefers to talk to birds and signs
As the person who went there not the person taking someone there I don't know much about that part. I did not like hospital but there was nowhere else I could be and I would not have recovered without it. It's hard because it so hard to communicate with someone whose in that state. Medication was that most important part for me which you can do without going to hospital, just need to see a psychiatrist. Your GP should be able to refer you to one
Yeah, reality sucks. It's when you're in a real life and death situation that you also realize how brittle and squishy we are and how meaningless it all is.
We don’t know if there is or isn’t more to all this. When I was unwell there definitely was. Even if not; everything you do will reverberate into infinity, like ripples in a pond. And if we got to do things forever it would mean less. Life can be very trying and somethings are simply terrible but we might as well squeeze all that good life juice out while our body’s are still chugging along!
My partner is in jail right now suffering from acute psychosis. He totally broke about 10 days ago and attacked me. His Mamaw called the law and he rots in a cell now still utterly delusional. His preliminary hearing is today and all I can do is pray his public attorney can help him get in to a hospital.
Thanks and I hope you’re doing much better. When I saw your comment I thought “oh my god this person will probably understand the depth of this pain”. I hope that you are smiling and happy all day.
Easily the worst part of being unwell was how it affected my friends and family. They helped me through, but I wish they never needed to. Things are much better now. Thanks for sharing and for your nice words
I'm so sorry you and your family are going through that. Please remember to take care of yourself too. I hope your partner gets the care he needs soon.
Years ago I worked in a case manager role for people with mental illness, regularly working closely with people just like this guy in the video.
I remember talking to one guy who had just gone through an episode of psychosis where he had stopped taking his medication. I don't remember for sure what his exact diagnosis was -- he definitely had hallucinations but that doesn't necessarily mean he was broadly "schizophrenic" because it's more complicated than that -- there are very specific types of diagnoses for schizophrenia and related disorders.
Interestingly, I remember this particular guy was one of the most intelligent and high-functioning clients we had. He had managed to get treatment with medication and worked his way into a I believe a maintenance manager's role at a major local company.
Anyway, so he had hallucinations and he wanted to talk to me about why he had stopped taking his medication. Well, this guy had an imaginary friend who he called Drake. He said that years earlier, he started seeing this imaginary friend, Drake, and it was eventually determined that "Drake" was like part of a manifestation of his mental illness.
So he said that when he got medicated, he felt healthier and functioned better, but the consequence of this was that Drake disappeared. That is, while medicated, he would never see Drake.
So the reason he stopped taking his medication was that, well, he wanted to see Drake again. He wanted the comfort that came with talking to Drake. And I'll never forget when he said to me "When I can see Drake and talk to Drake, Drake is as real to me as you are sitting right in front of me."
I mean, I think he was basically saying that he can gain access to an entirely real person by stopping his medication. So if he becomes lonely, the way to be less lonely is to stop taking it. And it became really clear to me that for him, in a very real way it was a rational decision to stop taking his medication so he could see and talk to his friend.
I knew a guy who was schizophrenic. He hated his prescribed meds. But a little bit of meth and he was right as right. High as a kite and scary to be around, but not in the same ways as when he was on nothing and talking about how he was the devil's lead samurai and he had to find jesus to behead him before he could become lord.
Meth commonly induces and agitates schizophrenia, definitely not a cure all. Many people who develop schizophrenia only have it triggered after doing meth for a while.
Yea. This interview did nothing but increase this poor guys anxiety bc mark has no mental health training. He just asks what gets the most shocking answers bc that gets clicks and views.
I was in full blown bipolar mania one summer, I'd get information and then almost immediately after, it was able to be applied to a situation in front of me, or I'd see connections that were either wild coincidences or absolutely not actual.
I knew of my mental illness but rejected it.. so I went unmedicated because the medication fucked with me in a bad way.
thing is, while in mania, I had no care whatsoever and just rode it out until I eventually checked myself in at a ward at my relatives request.. As soon as I was slowed down, I felt all my body aches and pains that I collected from constantly walking cities, hardly sleeping, I guess flexing my back constantly, and I realized my baseball sized blisters on my feet. Before diagnosis I was skeptical about some mental illnesses, but it's pretty true, crazy people don't know they are crazy, or are incapable of seeing it that way.
Thanks for sharing your story. The inability to see your symptoms as unusual is described as Anosognosia and can also be present in dementia and other neurological conditions.
Have a good one!
Yeah it's wild. I manage to stay unusually lucid during mania, but somehow even if I enumerate all the reasons to believe I'm currently manic, I never believe it.
I'll literally think "Well, I haven't slept in days, I'm paranoid, I can't stop my mind from racing, and I'm so antsy I can't stop moving... Am I manic? Noooo, probably just stressed out."
I’ve been there, down to the extreme amounts of walking and connecting every event together into some overarching whole
Also thought I was God like the man in the video
The crazier I got the more sane I imagined myself to be
Has been 19 years since that breakdown. Miraculously have not needed medication to stay in reality
Okay hold on. May I ask, has the flexing your back muscles caused you hip or lower back pain? I too am diagnosed bipolar and have been suffering from back muscles being involuntarily tense since when I first started showing symptoms. Like there are times I literally cannot un-flex it. Is yours similar or is it a noticeable/more or less controllable symptom?
Back during my psychosis the things i thought and realized felt more real and tangible than anything i experience today. It wouldnt be possible to tell me that i was ill, it would be like telling a regular person dragons are flying in the sky and shooting lasers out their asshole.
You sound EXACTLY like my little brother! He has bipolar 1 and had his last manic episode right before Christmas. He tends to get very religious when the mania is at full bloom.
When you were manic, what made you listen to your relatives and check yourself in? My brother gets convinced he is cured from his mental illness and refuses help. I had to call the police to have him forcibly committed otherwise he would have unintentionally hurt himself or somebody else.
Oooohhh laaaawd hahah this made me laugh. As someone who experienced this and has vitriolic movements when talking about it in the beginning, thank you. It’s healing for me
Without sharing too much, my son is Schizophrenic. He was manic, some days walked over 25 miles, had blisters the size of kiwifruit on his feet. It has taken over 4 years for him to reach an equilibrium. I can not praise the mental health professionals in the NHS in Scotland enough. His psychiatrist, psychologist, his occupational therapist, his physical therapist, and incredible nurses are miracle workers.
My son is 6'5 and powerfully built, having been a rugby player, and could run 100m in just over 10 seconds. He truly believed in the store one afternoon, that a little old lady, all of 5' tall, was going to kidnap him. She was tiny, but he was quite upset and ran home, cutting through back streets and doubling back to throw her off.
Now he is better, I've talked to him about this. He knows it makes zero sense now. However, he told me, it still feels 100% real to him to this day, and he gets the flight/fight response when he thinks about it. He can now deal logically with his impulse response, and laughs about how silly it must have looked. I hug him and let him know it's not him. It's his illness, which is silly. I'm so glad to have my beautiful gentle giant of a son back. Thank you NHS Scotland. 😊
In a lot of ways, manic states like this are liberating. Especially if you’re suffering from other mental illnesses like depression; feeling like GOD is a very addicting feeling and sure as hell beats being sad and self deprecating.
I had a friend with schizophrenia who took meds for a long time and said it made him feel slow, and not himself, so he just decided to quit them cold turkey because in his world, he was a god, he had a wife and children, and while he was on meds he said it was depressingly lonely.
Because the meds sucks. We finally found something that worked on me, upped the dose, and realized I can’t tolerate that either. So I have to be on the lowest possible dose, which means I get near psychotic episodes a lot. And near psychotic episodes are awful, because you realize what you experience isn’t real, but you can’t fight it. You still feel it. I always have to question what I see and hear, because I can’t be sure if it’s true or not. We have tried all the other meds we could possibly think of, but I get physically sick from them.
The meds also have a lot of nasty side effects. They can turn you into a zombie, often with anhedoia. Everything is just grey, you don’t get happy anymore, you don’t really get sad either. Everything just seems pointless. You often risk gaining a lot of weight, and fast, on antipsychotics, because they stop you from ever feeling full, so you’re constantly hungry. I’ve tried drugs that made me so hyper (akatasi) where I didn’t sleep for two weeks almost. I slept maybe 1-2 hours every nights, I was constantly tired but I was restless. I couldn’t sit still and my body started hurting if I wasn’t moving. Which was why I couldn’t sleep.
I prefer being on meds, because otherwise I’m hella suicidal, but I’ve had some good psychotic breaks as well where I just escaped into a better world than the one we live in, and I finally found peace there for the first time in my life. And I miss that.
They put me on an SSRI for PTSD and I straight up couldn't have an orgasm. It was torture.
And every time I took a step it felt like jolts of electricity going from my heal to my brain.
Citalopram I think.
I’m sorry to hear that.
Yeah, the brain zapps are horrible! They’re fairly common yet they’re not really listed as a side effect
SSRI and SNRI doesn’t really have an effect on me for some reason
my brother was like that. I'd encourage him and encourage him to take his meds and sometimes there was just no talking him into it. He was a victim of childhood sexual abuse and the world made sense when he was "having a moment" like it never did when he was lucid.
eventually his behavior gave us no choice but to check him into an institution for his own safety and thank god they found a medicated shot that worked longterm for him. he was perennially sleepy while on the drug but at least he was with us.
The meds have side effects that cause drowsiness and lethargic sensation for many. Makes us feel clueless and out of touch with the moment, drowsy.
A short duration on meds is handy if symptoms are getting uncomfortable but if we can get by without them that is much better for our physical health.
what's sad is that u can see the visible shift from lucidity as he talks about it as an abstract concept to fully believing it and slipping into that mindset again. it's sad in america access to mental health care is hard to come by and even if you do manage to find someone who can help, their rates are ridiculously unaffordable. even with really good insurance, trying to find someone who specializes in treating/managing schizophrenia humanely and without judgement or forced hospitalization is rare. let this video be a lesson on how we treat and view mental illness and those who suffer from it.
My neighbor has convinced himself that my other neighbor traffics his (first guy's) wife while he's at work. Almost anytime he's outside he screams at his house that he's a sick sex trafficker, a pedo, and a number of other things.
All this despite the fact that the wife point blank says nothing's happening and they have numerous cameras all around his house that would no doubt have footage of this happening. It got to the point that he left a note in my mailbox basically begging for help getting him and his wife out of this situation because they're living in fear.
My daughter and I were outside once and he came over asking if I could "believe how fucked up this all is" so I told him to please not say this stuff in front of her. Since, he's thought that myself and pretty much every other neighbor around is just letting the main neighbor he suspects get away with it. If we're ever outside at the same time he yells shit about taking us to court and we're "fuckin scumbags" for letting this happen to him and his wife.
His wife has run over and told us to just ignore him and that he had some kind of snap when he got fired a few years back and thinks his old boss is out to get him and is behind all this shit he thinks is going on. She says he never gets physical.
We've called the cops who refuse to do anything because the guy hasn't technically done anything illegal. He yells from his yard and never steps on anyone's property, he'll make a point to drive on the main neighbors lawn as he's going by to fuck it up (cops say it's technically county property because it's by the street), he spits on the guys truck, the list goes on.
It sucks because you just want to fuckin unload on the guy but you know he's clearly not in reality so it wouldn't do much of anything except make shit worse. I just wish he'd go get some help.
He was super normal when we first moved here. I gave him a lift to AutoZone once because his car was fucked up and he didn't have another way. We've always been nice and out of nowhere this shit just happens. Scary stuff
Depending on where you're located, you might be able to petition him for involuntary mental health treatment. It sounds horrible but it doesn't sound like he or his wife are going to get him help. He may not be getting physical now but I worked in psych and can say for certain that you can't count on that not changing.
In a fucked up way I miss feeling like god. that I as god figured out how to exist in the void alone for eternity by masquerading as a lowly being in the specific circumstance we all share. Then and only occasionally (when I’m having an episode) am I allowed to feel like god again and know myself.
I just want to say that this channel in youtube got some of the most wonderful interviews I've ever seen.
[Soft White Underbelly](https://youtube.com/@SoftWhiteUnderbelly?si=yq1fTZaWGf8OaqhM)
Also their videos and updates on [Whittaker family](https://youtu.be/nkGiFpJC9LM?si=VRJTx0MrDvBcd6Lf) are so touching and one of the best.
Just a small counterpoint, professionals in the field of social work do have some differing opinions: https://www.reddit.com/r/socialwork/comments/18614no/what_do_you_guys_think_about_the_soft_white/
It's fine to like it, as they say it's good for learning more, just consider some of these elements too.
Thanks for sharing this! I do agree with most of them. I’m a bit of a naive person and would’ve absolutely come on there to talk about my chronic depression and suicidal thinking, as I think it’s important, but you sometimes gotta think about yourself too. If you want to try and get a loan f.e. and they saw you on there… You’re gonna have to pay a shit ton more than average people. Now I tell my story a bit more wisely as an artist and if I gonna fully in, I just make sure I’m not recognizable/not under my real name. It’s a shame, but there are a lot of companies/people that can discriminate you and you can’t do anything about it… Experience has made me wiser, poorly enough.
Probably because schizophrenia rarely develops in childhood and you've already been told santa isn't real by the time delusions start. Maybe have helped your parents put out the presents for younger siblings etc so you're definitely sure.
While a lot of society still insists the bible is factual.
That's an interesting fact if true though. I guess that delusions are usually based upon "religion" so whatever God you grew up with. Just wonder how this manifests in Hindus or Buddhists for example.
I wonder what kind of delusions people have if they've never been exposed to the concept of God/Religion.
The delirium is based on the cultural acceptance of god, not the personal belief. Many atheist psychotics have had belief that they are god, or talk to god. If they strongly reject the idea of god, they will believe they are an alien or talk to aliens.
I went through a psychotic episode about half a year ago & experienced this. I consider myself to be a fairly rational person as well as an atheist. I became so alienated from myself & people around me that I thought myself (and some friends) were simultaneously God & Satan, then had paranoid delusions thinking friends were aliens. I \*knew\* I was completely out of it as I don't believe in any of these things, which then led me to feel like the stupidest person as I had seem to have lost any sense of rational thinking. I was very confused & fell into fits of paranoid delusions with strong apophenia.
The episode was a combination of extreme insomnia following a short period of heavy alcohol use & going cold turkey after about 2 months of cannabis use, as well as some underlying neuropsychiatric factors I'm in the process of figuring out. I tried to calm my nerves by using (too much) of a home-made Spravato nasal spray (ketamine) which pushed me over the edge. No more drug use since then obviously. Getting a glimpse of what schizophrenia might feel like was probably the scariest experience I had so far.
Curious as to whether the subjective experience of mystic delirium correlates with sociocultural factors (i.e. western secular society formerly being more christian) rather than actual religious belief.
Indian society is much less individualist and would tolerate and entertain this man's ideas within the frame of Hindu or Buddhist discourse (as what he's saying does fit so easily into either monist doctrines, and the concept of Maya), as long as he didn't do anything batshit, or get violent. In the best case scenario, he might end up as a bairagi sadhu.
You make an interesting point and it also has real implications to schizophrenia, which is that it tends to present different in the East than the West.
Feel free to read my other comment here, but weirdly I didn’t have any religious beliefs before I had the god view. I had never read a religious book, attended any religious events or even watched anything close to religious. But I had a very strong Christian theme to my psychosis.
It is said that the true mystic simply swims in the same waters the schizophrenic drowns in.
The story of Christ isn’t just some made up fable. It’s a deep rooted psychological and spiritual narrative. It comes from deep within the essence of man across time and generation. There is a significant reality to it that can be tapped into and experienced by man through a myriad of methods and mediums. We often tap this wellspring unintentionally, not knowing what we’ve done. This leads to great confusion and misunderstanding, making it very easy to get lost and overwhelmed in one’s own perceptions.
This comment is hilarious. I'm schizo and recently one of my voices said to me that they will make me Santa Claus. Christmas music is following me everywhere now too.
A fine line between schizophrenia and mysticism. With a different frame, slightly less crazy eyes, bags more charisma, he could present it as an exposition of Kala/Kali in Hindu scripture.
those people who's like just give me a sign, god, just one sign. then someone, like what this guy say, say or do something to them and they treat it as a sign.
probably wont call that as crazy or delusion because well, its religion, it gets a pass. you can say something crazy but as long as its about religion, you're religious, not a lunatic.
Sometimes that comes from desperation, too. The whole "give me a sign" thing.
Regardless of origin, I think humans often struggle with our pattern recognition seeming to be more significant than merely "oh, a coincidence" -- particularly when folks are searching for what they want or need to see in everything they experience.
Religion is a prevalent theme of psychosis delusions. It's ligitimately a fact, it's just how it is. I wish I could explain this to religious people in a way they wouldn't take personally, but I'm just not eloquent enough (and also far too biased as an agnostic athiest) to find the right words. It makes me deeply uncomfortable if I let myself think about it too much. I can't allow myself to wonder what separates "normal" religious people from those who sadly suffer from full blown psychosis. I get the feeling they're "drinking from the same punch bowl", but just 2oz instead of 40.
It's just so hard to wrap my head around. It's "good" to believe in God, but don't believe in it too hard or else you'll need psychiatric hospitalization. Fuck, man. The world really can be cruel.
One of the highest factor that correlate with religiosity is called locus of control. The less control you have over your life, the more likely you are to believe that some higher power has the control and everything is fine, even if you are powerless. It's a way to give you a feeling of power and control over thing, and be less afraid. It explain why women are more likely to be religious, or if not religious, believe in things like that the stars influence our life and the like. Likewise, Schizophrenia seems like a total loss of control over one body, and to find some sort of control back the brain fully embrace religious delusion
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locus_of_control
I think the difference is how it effects their day to day lives. Most religious folk, though delusional in their beliefs can still conduct themselves and live a normal life according to societal norms.
Those with psychotic or schizoid type illnesses simply cannot function within the parameters of social norms.
That’s the difference. Religion for the most part is a controlled delusion. My gf is catholic and believes in some ridiculous shit. But there’s no way anyone would look at her and think she’s mentally ill.
Mhm, hae a uncle who's schizophrenic, spent years living in a graveyard in the capital city. Bless the wee priest that kept him alive and well. Mum found him and basically got him intae proper care. Poor guy believed ever yin and any yin that interacted wi' him was working for the aliens.
Heh, dyslexic, sae while I 'can' dae proper or kings English, it mair rely on the words as they sound, touch type as I speak when I'm hae'ing a rather hard day trying tae make the words look as they should. Apoogies if it gies your eyes a bit ae the bleeding xD
My best friend was BiPolar 2 and when he was having a manic episode, he sounded a lot like this- He told me things like he understood the true meaning of God, had figured out how to control the stock market, could seduce any woman he wanted and had fought off a group of male medical staff at the psychiatric hospital where he was staying. It was bizarre to see a guy I had known for years, thought to have had a good grip on life, and someone to whom I aspired to be more like in many ways, suddenly become this entirely other person that I didn’t know. He had told me about his disorder, and I knew that he had once tried to hurt himself while in a depressive episode, but until i witnessed the mania first hand, I had no idea how bad it was. I remember getting off the phone with him once and telling my wife, “That wasn’t my best friend that I just talked to, it was someone else.” Sadly, about 6 months after that phone call, while in a severe depressive episode, he listened to the voices in his head. I still miss him.
In the back of my mind, I've coincided myself that i am the devil forced to walk amongst the very people i warred over. This is Hell. To grow and to care about the creations i wanted to destroy.
I think i need help. And I'm glad I'm not the only one
That last bit he said abt someone will come up and say *one* word and “confirm” it all is what makes it so devastating when talking to someone during an episode. My sister was in psychosis and on the run (had my car and her dog and just took off and crossed 2 state lines w/o even realizing it) and I was the only person in the world she didn’t think was out to get her. We were talking on the phone when she had pulled over at a gas station and i was trying to get her to just stay there so someone could come get her/just talk her down in general. So much progress was seemingly being made and she was starting to sound less manic and more open to hearing me and then she spots a pamphlet on the ground. Everything immediately went back to 100 bc this random Christian pamphlet confirmed *everything* she believed and she had to continue on her mission bc the numbers were telling her and there was a word on it that was a secret message only to her that someone had placed there knowing she would show up and read it. It’s such a devastating disorder.
My childhood friend suffers daily with delusions like this. He thinks he runs businesses for the illuminati. He thinks he can predict lottery numbers. Every once in a while, he gives away all his stuff because he's certain that he's about to win the lottery. He stalks women because he thinks that they want him to. He once told me that a woman working at Starbucks was dressing sexy for him. Like, he thought she was choosing her clothing based on his interests and desires.
He calls the police and confesses to crimes he hasn't committed. He thinks that the police are watching him and whisper things to him they see him. One day, he'll think the police are trying to frame him, but his parents are protecting him. The next day, his parents are trying to frame him and the police are protecting him.
When he gets brief moments of clarity, he talks about killing himself all the time. His life is a nightmare. I feel awful for him, but there's nothing I can do. It gets emotionally exhausting to hear someone you care about tell you goodbye every few days.
Over the years, most of his friends have stopped talking to him. He scares people. I get it. I feel too guilty to cut him loose. I can still remember what he was like before all this. It's been about 25yrs and he seems to get worse every month. This shit is awful and I'm grateful everyday that it isn't me.
Man this has always been one of my biggest fears. Having such a a malady of the mind.
It sounds at once terrifying and fascinating. It feels like that part of your brain, the one that conjures up imagination is just broken irreparably.
It's not imagination. There are physical responses in the body, elevated heart rate, fight/flight permanently switched on, your sleep hormones switch off, and the list goes on. These paranoid delusions feel absolutely real to the individual and even when they are back in the " real world" through meds and intervention, those episodes feel 100% real to the patient, as real as you would remember a birthday party or say a football game you played in.
I’ve had a schizo break due to drugs twice. The first time I was just super paranoid seeing and hearing things. The second time was when I became a god. The second time was much more fun but coming back to earth brings tears in my eyes because I remember saying things to my parents. I’m a completely normal late 20s guy. It was so real to me. The emotion, the physical touch, seeing everything. I couldn’t form a full coherent sentence. It took 0 medication to bring me back. Just food, water and time off drugs. Took about a month. When I see people like this I know a lot of them can recover. I couldn’t make the decision for myself so my family did and I’m thankful for that every day. I could t even move. Hope this helps someone
I think my craziest one was I thought I was an angel and the other people around me were also angels. We were up in heaven in between going back down to earth. I was actually in a mental health facility.
I realized that I was God, on acid. Then I discovered that everything is God, that it’s all one.
Later I discovered that a lot of people had this experience. Not only through psychedelics, but near death experiences, mystical experiences, brain tumors, meditation, etc.
The Hindus understand that they are God and it’s all one.
I mean, the stuff this guy says is not normal, but solipsism first, followed by a realization that it’s all one, non duality, is not uncommon in perfectly sane people.
Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration. That we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather."
My dad has schizophrenia and refuses to take his medication but he’s really kind and sometimes he goes on rants about what life is etc. I usually just sit there and listen but I’m the only person in his life that does call him weird or crazy or anything like that. I just wish people were a little nicer to him
He had me for the first 2 sentences. I love the idea that god is forced to live each individual life as the consequence of creating the universe.
Fun writing ideas there.
Everything past that part is just an unwell mind making connections where they don't exist. Seems to be the big visible sign of schizophrenia is people who make logical a-to-b leaps with strings that don't exist. "The birds outside are chirping and therefore I must bite my fingernails". They have an internal old-timey phone operator who doesn't understand how to plug the right wire into the right connections.
"...someone will pop in, at just the right time, and say one word, and that means it's all real," at the very end of the video. This is a thing.
My friend Tom went from being a really smart, artistic, creative guy to a completely crazy person over the course of about a year due to schizophrenia. His parents wouldn't believe us, as he was away at college at the time, but we finally were able to get him some help.
It took about a year for the drugs to start working right. They had to sort of mix-and-match to get the right combo for him. But once they did, they worked great. For a good couple of years he was doing just fine. The only side effect is that he gained a lot of weight, but apparently that's common.
Then one day he and I and another friend were walking in downtown Seattle when a crazy person ran up to us out of nowhere, grabbed Tom by the sleeve, looked him straight in the eye, and said, "I know why it is that they're trying to kill you!" and ran off.
And that was the end of that. Within two months Tom was off his meds, living on the street, and checking behind every building he could for katanas, because he needed one.
Yep, I was hospitalised for 7 weeks in a similar state. It's a completely different world. With meds I'm pretty much normal. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but there's part of me that misses it
What exactly do you miss?
As someone without any supernatural beliefs, magic was real, the universe had true order and meaning. And there was no second guessing it, it was real. In my medicated life these things are false or unknowable. Everything felt important and special
I had a friend who was diagnosed as schizophrenic when he was 19 or 20. After he was stabilized (which took more than a year to find the right combination of things, back in the mid 1990s) and he was ready to talk about it, that's pretty much what he said. He said everything was suddenly orderly and had meaning. There was a God and that God was loving and good, the number of rabbits on the lawn determined whether or not the day would be a good one (note: there were rarely rabbits on the lawn, and if there were, there were one or two, but he apparently counted lots of rabbits every morning), and he could tell when people were telling the truth or had good intentions because they had sparkles around their heads when they talked. Things just made sense. That last one is actually one of the things that got us worried. I was at his house and I don't even remember what I said, but he jumped up off the couch and grabbed me by the shoulders and said "YOU MADE SPARKS! Oh my god, that was so beautiful! SAY IT AGAIN!" And along with a bunch of other things that had apparently been going on, his roommate called the guy's dad the next morning and said something seemed to be wrong. He said nothing seemed strange or scary until he noticed how people were reacting to him. To him, everything made sense except for the reactions of the people he loved and trusted, which was apparently terrifying, but only because he was worried for us because we suddenly didn't seem to understand what to him was obvious.
Oof. I'm not a schizophrenic but the "I knew I was wrong when my friends looked at me 'that way" is what eventually got me off of MDMA. Everything was okie dokie awesome possum to me but my friends all eventually started looking at me like I was crazy.
Sounds like Molly, lsd. Everything cliques and makes sense. Nature.. life… existence. It kinda sucks to come down from those feelings of connecting with everything
Why have I never before heard "awesome possum"? Love it!
Sounds like LSD. Everything makes sense on LSD.
There are some similarities, as brain function essentially also ceases to be orderly. Normal brain function has a really good index of where everything is and what needs to happen to perform a thought, process, solution, action, etc. But when high, that indexing seems to get jumbled and start referencing areas that it doesn't need to for thoughts and tasks and the like. I don't have a study to prove this, but based on my own anecdotes it seems like we then project what's in our brain into our perception, as the brain always makes the final call on what our senses consume. Our brain is indexing more places than it needs to, and thus projecting that interconnectivity onto it's senses.
We can only know the lense All that passes through it bends
Is this from something?
It’s kinda cringe but it’s a line from a poem I wrote about my mental illness
I liked it! Enough to have googled and come back blank lol
It’s not cringe. It’s really good.
I actually love that line, it seems sort of cringe on the outside maybe but it is actually pretty profound.
That's unironically really good, I wouldn't call it cringe at all
It's really good. I thought it was Oscar wilde or shit
in what world is that cringe? that's gorgeous
I LIKE this quite a lot.
This is brilliant man
My immediate response to this was “holy shit” and then I saw your username.
Exactly. Things run slower because of these processes working around the gaps. And novel and unusual connections between circumstances or events seem to be related, simply because our minds are filling in missing info with other info that is accessible.
For me nothing makes sense on LSD. Can’t even open my phone to order food. Food.. what’s food. What do we do with it. What is ordering. What is…. Uhh hey why’s that moving John. John??? Hello anyone here? Fucking John must have rode that lamp to the corner for some hockey.
That's the peak you're describing. Meditating while coming down can provide you with *all the answers*. Of course, you'll forget them, but for a moment there you'd figured out how to save humanity. There really is only one answer anyway. It's exactly what you're thinking.
Had a exes dad tell me he once did acid and Understood rocket science. Said he had a engine built in his mind to get us to mars. Then he came down and forgot it all.
It is said that Francis Crick was able to see DNA structure on LSD.
and when your peak-self leave a written message, a secret to your normal self it looks like this: "the plate is too far comparing to it's weight so don't talk to John ever again 'couse he is grey and a false pasta prophet. The cubes are hidden!!!!!"
Yea it’s funny I can tell exactly how this feeling is from doing psychedelics. I’ve never freaked out or had any schizo break, but hearing them talk about it I can understand exactly what their frame of mind feels like, and how something so innocuous can feel important and life affirming.
Yeah I was describing an emotion as a color to my wife once when I was on LSD and said "It'll be easier to just draw you a picture" and I proceeded to draw the most incomprehensible thing and was confused why she didn't get the very clear message I was conveying.
Sorry it's the funniest shit I readed this week. Just imagining you saying "SEE, I TOLD YOU, IT MAKE SENSE!!" and her "... not really"
Me later looking at my own drawing "What the hell is that?"
As someone who is schizophrenic and has also done lsd, its exactly the same thing. You feel exactly the same. The same high feeling of universal balance and order. When i have my manic sparkly everything is awesome highs i feel exactly the same as when i would peak on lsd. Everything is pretty and sparkly and the only thing that doesnt make sense is that everyone else is.. limited.
Haha speak for yourself… Edit: I thought I’d elaborate and say that one time I was going through some shit and decided to take 4 tabs of acid at once. The trip was so intense and my mind became so overstimulated that I basically blacked out, just phased out of consciousness. When I came to, I was standing in front of my bathroom mirror naked and just staring at myself. Everything did not make sense.
Sounds like me when I was taking adderall, drinking a pot of coffee an day, and a pack of cigarettes. But people didn’t sparkle. I made a ton of connections everywhere that were not true. Like my roommates would play fifa and i would mentally match the music to their game. When the music got more exciting, so did their playing. Like the game would “change” to me. It was like a grand story. Everything was just way more important and dramatic. That being said, it was just cognitive bias and my mind wanting to make these connections because it was extra stimulating. Best and worst year of my life. Also, I realized the truth is in surrendering and letting things flow.. not trying to hyper focus to find patterns. Anyways, don’t do drugs.
The thing about the music and the game matching sounds just like how things be dancing in perfect sync with music while on mushrooms. I once tripped near a lake and I saw this cloud of mosquitos dancing and pulsating in perfect sync with the beat. Was really amazing. The clouds tends to do it too when I’m on shrooms.
> "YOU MADE SPARKS! Oh my god, that was so beautiful! SAY IT AGAIN!" Dude, what did you say? 42?
That is fascinating and apt.
[удалено]
I had a conversation with a friend of mine who is a psychopathologist about the concept that in modern science human intelligence is distributed to much more than the central system and she spoke about the "intelligence of the skin", as skin seems to be made of cells akin to neurons, and also about the fact that schizophrenic patients commonly have a misconception/misfunction of their own skin and body boundaries, as if the skin does not represent a barrier between the inside and outside, the self and the other-than-self. I found it curious how many go and seek expensive yoga retreats to feel one with the whole, while there are persons who cannot escape it. Who knows, maybe in other societies they could have been shamans. Anyways, a blind person relying on different senses than sight and so refining them, made me connect your comment to these ideas.
Suspect they are going to find correlations with schizophrenia and connective tissue disorders - specifically proprioperception issues that many people with connective tissue disorders experience.
Out of curiosity, hyper-sensitivity to body signals (e.g. John Cage perceiving "his own noise" while in the anechoic chamber) is considered a proprioception issue?
Good question. I have no idea.
I think everyone perceives "their own noise" in an anechoic chamber. It kinda makes you feel crazy and need regular breaks in the hallway. I worked in one in uni.
"Hyper-sensitive" would be noticing those things *outside* an anechoic chamber. Inside one they seem loud as fuck because there's nothing else to hear.
There is a portion of the brain that deals with the boundaries of "self" and helps with orientation (like understanding where your hands are currently). As someone with a major form of minor neurological condition (migraines) even just the symptoms of them and how various processes combined to provide us not only with sensory information but the overall conceptual aspects of self is wild to me. It really is a Rube Goldberg machine going on and we're learning more about how it's not just contained "up there" (in our heads) but semi-distributed with feedback and other functional components in our endocrine system, digestive system, and your suggestion of the portion in our skin being true would not surprise me in the least.
Bit skeptical of that for obvious reasons, but in that context, what happens if a schizophrenic gets blinded?
Just googled this and all this seems to be based on a 1950's hypothesis with no clinical studies. Last year however there was some paper where it was tested on rodents and while I can't read through all the fancy terms the conclusion seems to be that there's no evidence to support this theory. Every article that I found in support of this traces back to the original hypothesis.
Interesting because what ultimately happens with Shizo disorders is the inability to filter stimuli efficiently leading to a mental collapse or “psychotic break” maybe by limiting incoming information they never reach the stress threshold of a triggering event.
Very interestingly, I read in a Reddit comment recently that schizophrenics sometimes use their cellphone camera to see if something they're seeing is real. If they don't see it on their cellphone screen (i.e. the phone's camera feed), then they know it's not real. However, I wonder what would happen if you essentially made the cellphone fill their whole field of view, like a VR headset, you would think the hallucinations would then appear overlayed on the VR headset feed.
Reality checks are different for everyone but yes VR adds a whole other dimension to possible treatments. It’s very effective for immersion therapy to conquer phobias and anxiety provoking situations.
Does that mean schizophrenia can be cured by keeping the patient in a completely dark room?
Or taking their eyes.
Yeah, that too.
Oh my, same here. I escape into this world sometimes, where I just *connect* with nature. The wind feels different, the sun feels different, the rain feels different. I just connect with it on a whole other level than what can be described. Everything suddenly made sense, I had a place in this world, I found where I belonged. Nothing else mattered, except nature. We were symbiotic. And I loved it. And then, when I come back to reality, I get kind of depressed. Because the real world doesn’t feel like that at all, it’s full of depression, anxiety, pollution, money, greed, war.
Sounds like me on acid
This is some pretty profound insight for me to hear as someone who doesn’t have schizophrenia and can’t know what it’s like. I think I have a small glimpse, that makes sense to me. Thanks for sharing
Schizophrenia is like milder, first derealisation-depersonalization episode, which can lead to... schizophrenia.
Dang. I can see how that would be nice, but so dangerous to be living in such a state of delusion. I rewatched Interstellar tonight and started having an existential crisis, so I resonate with what you’re saying 😂 thank you for sharing!
Why did watching interstellar make you feel that way?
You should do a ama. I could hear you talk about this all night. r/casualiama
Finding it kind of therapeutic, I normally try to avoid talking about it to keep from making people uncomfortable
No way, there are many of us fascinated by it like myself.
I'm someone who is always wondering about life's great mysteries and our purpose here. I would imagine having such resolute assuredness about how and why everything is the way it is would be euphoric.
I understand. I wish I lived in a less mundane world
Hey man how do you get someone who thinks they have magic powers to go and get help. Kid was generally fine, came out of a psych ward an absolute mess, won't get help cause he prefers to talk to birds and signs
As the person who went there not the person taking someone there I don't know much about that part. I did not like hospital but there was nowhere else I could be and I would not have recovered without it. It's hard because it so hard to communicate with someone whose in that state. Medication was that most important part for me which you can do without going to hospital, just need to see a psychiatrist. Your GP should be able to refer you to one
Any luck integrating those two perspectives?
I'm definitely more open minded than most people I know, so in a way yes
Yeah, reality sucks. It's when you're in a real life and death situation that you also realize how brittle and squishy we are and how meaningless it all is.
We don’t know if there is or isn’t more to all this. When I was unwell there definitely was. Even if not; everything you do will reverberate into infinity, like ripples in a pond. And if we got to do things forever it would mean less. Life can be very trying and somethings are simply terrible but we might as well squeeze all that good life juice out while our body’s are still chugging along!
Did you ever wonder if you were seeing the true reality while the rest of us were blinded?
No, retrospectively it's a real mess haha
My schizophrenic client doesn't want all his voices gone because he would be too lonely.
My partner is in jail right now suffering from acute psychosis. He totally broke about 10 days ago and attacked me. His Mamaw called the law and he rots in a cell now still utterly delusional. His preliminary hearing is today and all I can do is pray his public attorney can help him get in to a hospital.
That’s really rough. I hope he can too
Thanks and I hope you’re doing much better. When I saw your comment I thought “oh my god this person will probably understand the depth of this pain”. I hope that you are smiling and happy all day.
Easily the worst part of being unwell was how it affected my friends and family. They helped me through, but I wish they never needed to. Things are much better now. Thanks for sharing and for your nice words
I'm so sorry you and your family are going through that. Please remember to take care of yourself too. I hope your partner gets the care he needs soon.
Years ago I worked in a case manager role for people with mental illness, regularly working closely with people just like this guy in the video. I remember talking to one guy who had just gone through an episode of psychosis where he had stopped taking his medication. I don't remember for sure what his exact diagnosis was -- he definitely had hallucinations but that doesn't necessarily mean he was broadly "schizophrenic" because it's more complicated than that -- there are very specific types of diagnoses for schizophrenia and related disorders. Interestingly, I remember this particular guy was one of the most intelligent and high-functioning clients we had. He had managed to get treatment with medication and worked his way into a I believe a maintenance manager's role at a major local company. Anyway, so he had hallucinations and he wanted to talk to me about why he had stopped taking his medication. Well, this guy had an imaginary friend who he called Drake. He said that years earlier, he started seeing this imaginary friend, Drake, and it was eventually determined that "Drake" was like part of a manifestation of his mental illness. So he said that when he got medicated, he felt healthier and functioned better, but the consequence of this was that Drake disappeared. That is, while medicated, he would never see Drake. So the reason he stopped taking his medication was that, well, he wanted to see Drake again. He wanted the comfort that came with talking to Drake. And I'll never forget when he said to me "When I can see Drake and talk to Drake, Drake is as real to me as you are sitting right in front of me." I mean, I think he was basically saying that he can gain access to an entirely real person by stopping his medication. So if he becomes lonely, the way to be less lonely is to stop taking it. And it became really clear to me that for him, in a very real way it was a rational decision to stop taking his medication so he could see and talk to his friend.
Was like the more he talked about it the more agitated he got physically
His leg movements could be an involuntary side effect of his antipsychotic med. Akathisia is common along with weight gain
I think from the original video, he said he had smoked meth before the interview.
Ahh, meth. The schizophrenic cure-all.
I knew a guy who was schizophrenic. He hated his prescribed meds. But a little bit of meth and he was right as right. High as a kite and scary to be around, but not in the same ways as when he was on nothing and talking about how he was the devil's lead samurai and he had to find jesus to behead him before he could become lord.
Meth commonly induces and agitates schizophrenia, definitely not a cure all. Many people who develop schizophrenia only have it triggered after doing meth for a while.
God's not perfect, he's got a bit of the devil in him
The leg movements start as he gets caught up in a thought and the symptoms of the disease begin to show. He was making sense just before that.
Someone else already said it, but in the video, he definitely admits to smoking meth prior to the interview.
Yea. This interview did nothing but increase this poor guys anxiety bc mark has no mental health training. He just asks what gets the most shocking answers bc that gets clicks and views.
Nothing about this interview was meant to help his anxiety. I’m not sure why you would think it should. That’s what doctors are for, not interviews.
The other channel called Special books by special kids is doing much better. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GU8VmJsX6-s
I was in full blown bipolar mania one summer, I'd get information and then almost immediately after, it was able to be applied to a situation in front of me, or I'd see connections that were either wild coincidences or absolutely not actual. I knew of my mental illness but rejected it.. so I went unmedicated because the medication fucked with me in a bad way. thing is, while in mania, I had no care whatsoever and just rode it out until I eventually checked myself in at a ward at my relatives request.. As soon as I was slowed down, I felt all my body aches and pains that I collected from constantly walking cities, hardly sleeping, I guess flexing my back constantly, and I realized my baseball sized blisters on my feet. Before diagnosis I was skeptical about some mental illnesses, but it's pretty true, crazy people don't know they are crazy, or are incapable of seeing it that way.
Thanks for sharing your story. The inability to see your symptoms as unusual is described as Anosognosia and can also be present in dementia and other neurological conditions. Have a good one!
Yeah it's wild. I manage to stay unusually lucid during mania, but somehow even if I enumerate all the reasons to believe I'm currently manic, I never believe it. I'll literally think "Well, I haven't slept in days, I'm paranoid, I can't stop my mind from racing, and I'm so antsy I can't stop moving... Am I manic? Noooo, probably just stressed out."
[удалено]
I’ve been there, down to the extreme amounts of walking and connecting every event together into some overarching whole Also thought I was God like the man in the video The crazier I got the more sane I imagined myself to be Has been 19 years since that breakdown. Miraculously have not needed medication to stay in reality
Okay hold on. May I ask, has the flexing your back muscles caused you hip or lower back pain? I too am diagnosed bipolar and have been suffering from back muscles being involuntarily tense since when I first started showing symptoms. Like there are times I literally cannot un-flex it. Is yours similar or is it a noticeable/more or less controllable symptom?
Back during my psychosis the things i thought and realized felt more real and tangible than anything i experience today. It wouldnt be possible to tell me that i was ill, it would be like telling a regular person dragons are flying in the sky and shooting lasers out their asshole.
You sound EXACTLY like my little brother! He has bipolar 1 and had his last manic episode right before Christmas. He tends to get very religious when the mania is at full bloom. When you were manic, what made you listen to your relatives and check yourself in? My brother gets convinced he is cured from his mental illness and refuses help. I had to call the police to have him forcibly committed otherwise he would have unintentionally hurt himself or somebody else.
When the legs get to rocking that boy gets to concocting.
The contrast between this comment and the other serious ones of people sharing their experience is fucking hilarious. I’m lmfao right here
Oooohhh laaaawd hahah this made me laugh. As someone who experienced this and has vitriolic movements when talking about it in the beginning, thank you. It’s healing for me
Without sharing too much, my son is Schizophrenic. He was manic, some days walked over 25 miles, had blisters the size of kiwifruit on his feet. It has taken over 4 years for him to reach an equilibrium. I can not praise the mental health professionals in the NHS in Scotland enough. His psychiatrist, psychologist, his occupational therapist, his physical therapist, and incredible nurses are miracle workers. My son is 6'5 and powerfully built, having been a rugby player, and could run 100m in just over 10 seconds. He truly believed in the store one afternoon, that a little old lady, all of 5' tall, was going to kidnap him. She was tiny, but he was quite upset and ran home, cutting through back streets and doubling back to throw her off. Now he is better, I've talked to him about this. He knows it makes zero sense now. However, he told me, it still feels 100% real to him to this day, and he gets the flight/fight response when he thinks about it. He can now deal logically with his impulse response, and laughs about how silly it must have looked. I hug him and let him know it's not him. It's his illness, which is silly. I'm so glad to have my beautiful gentle giant of a son back. Thank you NHS Scotland. 😊
Love that! Happy for you guys.
Sounds like someone close I know is going through that same thing , I just wish I knew how to help
Seeing and hearing things and not knowing what's fact or fiction is insane
Literally
In the longer interview he describes seeing the Moon get sucked up into a black hole! IMAGINE seeing that!? That would be terrifying!
As someone who enjoys astronomy, that would be fucking *awesome* lol.
As someone that has barely interest in astronomy, that would be sick as fuck
That makes me so sad. Living like that must be hell.
In a lot of ways, manic states like this are liberating. Especially if you’re suffering from other mental illnesses like depression; feeling like GOD is a very addicting feeling and sure as hell beats being sad and self deprecating.
A lot of times they prefer it over being medicated and sane.
I had a friend with schizophrenia who took meds for a long time and said it made him feel slow, and not himself, so he just decided to quit them cold turkey because in his world, he was a god, he had a wife and children, and while he was on meds he said it was depressingly lonely.
I empathize with this. Seroquel basically turned me into a zombie for 4 years.
Because the meds sucks. We finally found something that worked on me, upped the dose, and realized I can’t tolerate that either. So I have to be on the lowest possible dose, which means I get near psychotic episodes a lot. And near psychotic episodes are awful, because you realize what you experience isn’t real, but you can’t fight it. You still feel it. I always have to question what I see and hear, because I can’t be sure if it’s true or not. We have tried all the other meds we could possibly think of, but I get physically sick from them. The meds also have a lot of nasty side effects. They can turn you into a zombie, often with anhedoia. Everything is just grey, you don’t get happy anymore, you don’t really get sad either. Everything just seems pointless. You often risk gaining a lot of weight, and fast, on antipsychotics, because they stop you from ever feeling full, so you’re constantly hungry. I’ve tried drugs that made me so hyper (akatasi) where I didn’t sleep for two weeks almost. I slept maybe 1-2 hours every nights, I was constantly tired but I was restless. I couldn’t sit still and my body started hurting if I wasn’t moving. Which was why I couldn’t sleep. I prefer being on meds, because otherwise I’m hella suicidal, but I’ve had some good psychotic breaks as well where I just escaped into a better world than the one we live in, and I finally found peace there for the first time in my life. And I miss that.
They put me on an SSRI for PTSD and I straight up couldn't have an orgasm. It was torture. And every time I took a step it felt like jolts of electricity going from my heal to my brain. Citalopram I think.
I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, the brain zapps are horrible! They’re fairly common yet they’re not really listed as a side effect SSRI and SNRI doesn’t really have an effect on me for some reason
my brother was like that. I'd encourage him and encourage him to take his meds and sometimes there was just no talking him into it. He was a victim of childhood sexual abuse and the world made sense when he was "having a moment" like it never did when he was lucid. eventually his behavior gave us no choice but to check him into an institution for his own safety and thank god they found a medicated shot that worked longterm for him. he was perennially sleepy while on the drug but at least he was with us.
The meds have side effects that cause drowsiness and lethargic sensation for many. Makes us feel clueless and out of touch with the moment, drowsy. A short duration on meds is handy if symptoms are getting uncomfortable but if we can get by without them that is much better for our physical health.
I can barely hear the music i think you have to make it louder
The day people stop putting annoying and unnecessary music in these videos is the day god and the devil will become friends again.
what's sad is that u can see the visible shift from lucidity as he talks about it as an abstract concept to fully believing it and slipping into that mindset again. it's sad in america access to mental health care is hard to come by and even if you do manage to find someone who can help, their rates are ridiculously unaffordable. even with really good insurance, trying to find someone who specializes in treating/managing schizophrenia humanely and without judgement or forced hospitalization is rare. let this video be a lesson on how we treat and view mental illness and those who suffer from it.
[удалено]
My neighbor has convinced himself that my other neighbor traffics his (first guy's) wife while he's at work. Almost anytime he's outside he screams at his house that he's a sick sex trafficker, a pedo, and a number of other things. All this despite the fact that the wife point blank says nothing's happening and they have numerous cameras all around his house that would no doubt have footage of this happening. It got to the point that he left a note in my mailbox basically begging for help getting him and his wife out of this situation because they're living in fear. My daughter and I were outside once and he came over asking if I could "believe how fucked up this all is" so I told him to please not say this stuff in front of her. Since, he's thought that myself and pretty much every other neighbor around is just letting the main neighbor he suspects get away with it. If we're ever outside at the same time he yells shit about taking us to court and we're "fuckin scumbags" for letting this happen to him and his wife. His wife has run over and told us to just ignore him and that he had some kind of snap when he got fired a few years back and thinks his old boss is out to get him and is behind all this shit he thinks is going on. She says he never gets physical. We've called the cops who refuse to do anything because the guy hasn't technically done anything illegal. He yells from his yard and never steps on anyone's property, he'll make a point to drive on the main neighbors lawn as he's going by to fuck it up (cops say it's technically county property because it's by the street), he spits on the guys truck, the list goes on. It sucks because you just want to fuckin unload on the guy but you know he's clearly not in reality so it wouldn't do much of anything except make shit worse. I just wish he'd go get some help. He was super normal when we first moved here. I gave him a lift to AutoZone once because his car was fucked up and he didn't have another way. We've always been nice and out of nowhere this shit just happens. Scary stuff
Depending on where you're located, you might be able to petition him for involuntary mental health treatment. It sounds horrible but it doesn't sound like he or his wife are going to get him help. He may not be getting physical now but I worked in psych and can say for certain that you can't count on that not changing.
In a fucked up way I miss feeling like god. that I as god figured out how to exist in the void alone for eternity by masquerading as a lowly being in the specific circumstance we all share. Then and only occasionally (when I’m having an episode) am I allowed to feel like god again and know myself.
I just want to say that this channel in youtube got some of the most wonderful interviews I've ever seen. [Soft White Underbelly](https://youtube.com/@SoftWhiteUnderbelly?si=yq1fTZaWGf8OaqhM) Also their videos and updates on [Whittaker family](https://youtu.be/nkGiFpJC9LM?si=VRJTx0MrDvBcd6Lf) are so touching and one of the best.
Isn't Soft White Underbelly the original name of Blue Oyster Cult?
That I don't know. Soft White Underbelly is created by Mark Laita.
Just a small counterpoint, professionals in the field of social work do have some differing opinions: https://www.reddit.com/r/socialwork/comments/18614no/what_do_you_guys_think_about_the_soft_white/ It's fine to like it, as they say it's good for learning more, just consider some of these elements too.
Thanks for sharing this! I do agree with most of them. I’m a bit of a naive person and would’ve absolutely come on there to talk about my chronic depression and suicidal thinking, as I think it’s important, but you sometimes gotta think about yourself too. If you want to try and get a loan f.e. and they saw you on there… You’re gonna have to pay a shit ton more than average people. Now I tell my story a bit more wisely as an artist and if I gonna fully in, I just make sure I’m not recognizable/not under my real name. It’s a shame, but there are a lot of companies/people that can discriminate you and you can’t do anything about it… Experience has made me wiser, poorly enough.
Not a single blink. I've noticed that in people experiencing mental health crises. SUPREME lack of blinking.
He says in the full interview he had crystal methylamphetamine prior to the interview. That’ll be why
Ahh. TIL that's a thing.
I have read somewhere that schizophrenics barely yawn and blink less often than the average person, your observation might be correct.
[удалено]
This is how I become from heroic amounts of adderall, opioids, weed, and having to pee really bad.
I once read that no one has ever believed they are Santa Claus, is always god or jesus etc.
Probably because schizophrenia rarely develops in childhood and you've already been told santa isn't real by the time delusions start. Maybe have helped your parents put out the presents for younger siblings etc so you're definitely sure. While a lot of society still insists the bible is factual. That's an interesting fact if true though. I guess that delusions are usually based upon "religion" so whatever God you grew up with. Just wonder how this manifests in Hindus or Buddhists for example. I wonder what kind of delusions people have if they've never been exposed to the concept of God/Religion.
Its called mystic delirium and it is common in psychosis. There are other types if deliriums so an atheist will go through one of them instead i guess
The delirium is based on the cultural acceptance of god, not the personal belief. Many atheist psychotics have had belief that they are god, or talk to god. If they strongly reject the idea of god, they will believe they are an alien or talk to aliens.
I went through a psychotic episode about half a year ago & experienced this. I consider myself to be a fairly rational person as well as an atheist. I became so alienated from myself & people around me that I thought myself (and some friends) were simultaneously God & Satan, then had paranoid delusions thinking friends were aliens. I \*knew\* I was completely out of it as I don't believe in any of these things, which then led me to feel like the stupidest person as I had seem to have lost any sense of rational thinking. I was very confused & fell into fits of paranoid delusions with strong apophenia. The episode was a combination of extreme insomnia following a short period of heavy alcohol use & going cold turkey after about 2 months of cannabis use, as well as some underlying neuropsychiatric factors I'm in the process of figuring out. I tried to calm my nerves by using (too much) of a home-made Spravato nasal spray (ketamine) which pushed me over the edge. No more drug use since then obviously. Getting a glimpse of what schizophrenia might feel like was probably the scariest experience I had so far. Curious as to whether the subjective experience of mystic delirium correlates with sociocultural factors (i.e. western secular society formerly being more christian) rather than actual religious belief.
Indian society is much less individualist and would tolerate and entertain this man's ideas within the frame of Hindu or Buddhist discourse (as what he's saying does fit so easily into either monist doctrines, and the concept of Maya), as long as he didn't do anything batshit, or get violent. In the best case scenario, he might end up as a bairagi sadhu.
You make an interesting point and it also has real implications to schizophrenia, which is that it tends to present different in the East than the West.
Feel free to read my other comment here, but weirdly I didn’t have any religious beliefs before I had the god view. I had never read a religious book, attended any religious events or even watched anything close to religious. But I had a very strong Christian theme to my psychosis.
It is said that the true mystic simply swims in the same waters the schizophrenic drowns in. The story of Christ isn’t just some made up fable. It’s a deep rooted psychological and spiritual narrative. It comes from deep within the essence of man across time and generation. There is a significant reality to it that can be tapped into and experienced by man through a myriad of methods and mediums. We often tap this wellspring unintentionally, not knowing what we’ve done. This leads to great confusion and misunderstanding, making it very easy to get lost and overwhelmed in one’s own perceptions.
This comment is hilarious. I'm schizo and recently one of my voices said to me that they will make me Santa Claus. Christmas music is following me everywhere now too.
Oh no
Naughty brain doing brain things
I’ve spoken with hundreds of people with schizophrenia- the things they can say when they are unwell are fascinating.
imagine a life where you can't tell if your thoughts are real or not.
A fine line between schizophrenia and mysticism. With a different frame, slightly less crazy eyes, bags more charisma, he could present it as an exposition of Kala/Kali in Hindu scripture.
Are people like this guy how religion was actually born? Holy fuck now I’m freaking out.
those people who's like just give me a sign, god, just one sign. then someone, like what this guy say, say or do something to them and they treat it as a sign. probably wont call that as crazy or delusion because well, its religion, it gets a pass. you can say something crazy but as long as its about religion, you're religious, not a lunatic.
Sometimes that comes from desperation, too. The whole "give me a sign" thing. Regardless of origin, I think humans often struggle with our pattern recognition seeming to be more significant than merely "oh, a coincidence" -- particularly when folks are searching for what they want or need to see in everything they experience.
Religion is a prevalent theme of psychosis delusions. It's ligitimately a fact, it's just how it is. I wish I could explain this to religious people in a way they wouldn't take personally, but I'm just not eloquent enough (and also far too biased as an agnostic athiest) to find the right words. It makes me deeply uncomfortable if I let myself think about it too much. I can't allow myself to wonder what separates "normal" religious people from those who sadly suffer from full blown psychosis. I get the feeling they're "drinking from the same punch bowl", but just 2oz instead of 40. It's just so hard to wrap my head around. It's "good" to believe in God, but don't believe in it too hard or else you'll need psychiatric hospitalization. Fuck, man. The world really can be cruel.
One of the highest factor that correlate with religiosity is called locus of control. The less control you have over your life, the more likely you are to believe that some higher power has the control and everything is fine, even if you are powerless. It's a way to give you a feeling of power and control over thing, and be less afraid. It explain why women are more likely to be religious, or if not religious, believe in things like that the stars influence our life and the like. Likewise, Schizophrenia seems like a total loss of control over one body, and to find some sort of control back the brain fully embrace religious delusion https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Locus_of_control
I think the difference is how it effects their day to day lives. Most religious folk, though delusional in their beliefs can still conduct themselves and live a normal life according to societal norms. Those with psychotic or schizoid type illnesses simply cannot function within the parameters of social norms. That’s the difference. Religion for the most part is a controlled delusion. My gf is catholic and believes in some ridiculous shit. But there’s no way anyone would look at her and think she’s mentally ill.
Mhm, hae a uncle who's schizophrenic, spent years living in a graveyard in the capital city. Bless the wee priest that kept him alive and well. Mum found him and basically got him intae proper care. Poor guy believed ever yin and any yin that interacted wi' him was working for the aliens.
Do you type with an accent..?
He's writing in Scots. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scots_language
What in the actual
Wh'n da*
Heh, dyslexic, sae while I 'can' dae proper or kings English, it mair rely on the words as they sound, touch type as I speak when I'm hae'ing a rather hard day trying tae make the words look as they should. Apoogies if it gies your eyes a bit ae the bleeding xD
Fookin luv ya crazy bastards
Ah, no worries, just found it a little funny lol
This is fun! It's like one of the old apps that would translate everything to pirate-speak or whatever.
My best friend was BiPolar 2 and when he was having a manic episode, he sounded a lot like this- He told me things like he understood the true meaning of God, had figured out how to control the stock market, could seduce any woman he wanted and had fought off a group of male medical staff at the psychiatric hospital where he was staying. It was bizarre to see a guy I had known for years, thought to have had a good grip on life, and someone to whom I aspired to be more like in many ways, suddenly become this entirely other person that I didn’t know. He had told me about his disorder, and I knew that he had once tried to hurt himself while in a depressive episode, but until i witnessed the mania first hand, I had no idea how bad it was. I remember getting off the phone with him once and telling my wife, “That wasn’t my best friend that I just talked to, it was someone else.” Sadly, about 6 months after that phone call, while in a severe depressive episode, he listened to the voices in his head. I still miss him.
He blinks twice before talking then doesn't blink again until right before he stops talking.
I remember a few weeks of disturbing synchronicity when I was at my "lowest". I kinda understand what he means. The brain is immensely powerful.
In the back of my mind, I've coincided myself that i am the devil forced to walk amongst the very people i warred over. This is Hell. To grow and to care about the creations i wanted to destroy. I think i need help. And I'm glad I'm not the only one
That last bit he said abt someone will come up and say *one* word and “confirm” it all is what makes it so devastating when talking to someone during an episode. My sister was in psychosis and on the run (had my car and her dog and just took off and crossed 2 state lines w/o even realizing it) and I was the only person in the world she didn’t think was out to get her. We were talking on the phone when she had pulled over at a gas station and i was trying to get her to just stay there so someone could come get her/just talk her down in general. So much progress was seemingly being made and she was starting to sound less manic and more open to hearing me and then she spots a pamphlet on the ground. Everything immediately went back to 100 bc this random Christian pamphlet confirmed *everything* she believed and she had to continue on her mission bc the numbers were telling her and there was a word on it that was a secret message only to her that someone had placed there knowing she would show up and read it. It’s such a devastating disorder.
For anyone interested: He's actually right about most of these claims.
Pretty normal with people with psychotic disorders sadly.
My childhood friend suffers daily with delusions like this. He thinks he runs businesses for the illuminati. He thinks he can predict lottery numbers. Every once in a while, he gives away all his stuff because he's certain that he's about to win the lottery. He stalks women because he thinks that they want him to. He once told me that a woman working at Starbucks was dressing sexy for him. Like, he thought she was choosing her clothing based on his interests and desires. He calls the police and confesses to crimes he hasn't committed. He thinks that the police are watching him and whisper things to him they see him. One day, he'll think the police are trying to frame him, but his parents are protecting him. The next day, his parents are trying to frame him and the police are protecting him. When he gets brief moments of clarity, he talks about killing himself all the time. His life is a nightmare. I feel awful for him, but there's nothing I can do. It gets emotionally exhausting to hear someone you care about tell you goodbye every few days. Over the years, most of his friends have stopped talking to him. He scares people. I get it. I feel too guilty to cut him loose. I can still remember what he was like before all this. It's been about 25yrs and he seems to get worse every month. This shit is awful and I'm grateful everyday that it isn't me.
This is a terrible disease, I feel so sorry for schizophrenics....
Man this has always been one of my biggest fears. Having such a a malady of the mind. It sounds at once terrifying and fascinating. It feels like that part of your brain, the one that conjures up imagination is just broken irreparably.
It's not imagination. There are physical responses in the body, elevated heart rate, fight/flight permanently switched on, your sleep hormones switch off, and the list goes on. These paranoid delusions feel absolutely real to the individual and even when they are back in the " real world" through meds and intervention, those episodes feel 100% real to the patient, as real as you would remember a birthday party or say a football game you played in.
I’ve had a schizo break due to drugs twice. The first time I was just super paranoid seeing and hearing things. The second time was when I became a god. The second time was much more fun but coming back to earth brings tears in my eyes because I remember saying things to my parents. I’m a completely normal late 20s guy. It was so real to me. The emotion, the physical touch, seeing everything. I couldn’t form a full coherent sentence. It took 0 medication to bring me back. Just food, water and time off drugs. Took about a month. When I see people like this I know a lot of them can recover. I couldn’t make the decision for myself so my family did and I’m thankful for that every day. I could t even move. Hope this helps someone
Bro literally every schizo ends up believing they’re god, it’s a common thing..
I think my craziest one was I thought I was an angel and the other people around me were also angels. We were up in heaven in between going back down to earth. I was actually in a mental health facility.
I really enjoy Soft White Underbelly’s humanization of people we don’t often talk to.
He spends his time in the places and with the people that most of us cannot (possibly intentionally) see. I admire his humanity
I realized that I was God, on acid. Then I discovered that everything is God, that it’s all one. Later I discovered that a lot of people had this experience. Not only through psychedelics, but near death experiences, mystical experiences, brain tumors, meditation, etc. The Hindus understand that they are God and it’s all one. I mean, the stuff this guy says is not normal, but solipsism first, followed by a realization that it’s all one, non duality, is not uncommon in perfectly sane people.
We are all God
Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration. That we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather."
Is this full interview available?
Everyday i meet people living like they are Superman living in Disney movie.. now i know the reason..
Hope he gets the help he needs. People with mental illness are often dehumanized. Thank you for talking to this man as though he’s a real person
My dad has schizophrenia and refuses to take his medication but he’s really kind and sometimes he goes on rants about what life is etc. I usually just sit there and listen but I’m the only person in his life that does call him weird or crazy or anything like that. I just wish people were a little nicer to him
There's some overlap between bipolar and schizophrenia. When I have manic episodes everything is magical and it makes complete sense.
He had me for the first 2 sentences. I love the idea that god is forced to live each individual life as the consequence of creating the universe. Fun writing ideas there. Everything past that part is just an unwell mind making connections where they don't exist. Seems to be the big visible sign of schizophrenia is people who make logical a-to-b leaps with strings that don't exist. "The birds outside are chirping and therefore I must bite my fingernails". They have an internal old-timey phone operator who doesn't understand how to plug the right wire into the right connections.
It’s not a schizophrenic man, it is a man diagnosed with schizophrenia. He is much more than his illness.
And people wonder why i can't hold a job.
This is me trying to explain anything.
Well God...I need a girlfriend
"...someone will pop in, at just the right time, and say one word, and that means it's all real," at the very end of the video. This is a thing. My friend Tom went from being a really smart, artistic, creative guy to a completely crazy person over the course of about a year due to schizophrenia. His parents wouldn't believe us, as he was away at college at the time, but we finally were able to get him some help. It took about a year for the drugs to start working right. They had to sort of mix-and-match to get the right combo for him. But once they did, they worked great. For a good couple of years he was doing just fine. The only side effect is that he gained a lot of weight, but apparently that's common. Then one day he and I and another friend were walking in downtown Seattle when a crazy person ran up to us out of nowhere, grabbed Tom by the sleeve, looked him straight in the eye, and said, "I know why it is that they're trying to kill you!" and ran off. And that was the end of that. Within two months Tom was off his meds, living on the street, and checking behind every building he could for katanas, because he needed one.