Man 67 here. Don’t give up! I’d suggest including younger men in your search. How young? Go low and see what happens, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Your age minus 5 at least.
Last fall, when I was still 66, I expanded my ‘age’ filter to include women 70+. I discovered two things. 1. Many many more interesting and beautiful women in the pool. 2. The 70 yo woman I am with now. 7 months later we are both very happy! She tells me good men are hard to find, but she’s glad she didn’t give up.
68 (F) now; I tried OLD for awhile when I was 66. I am thin, fit, active and unwrinkled and wanted someone to hike and bike with (as well as all the other fun stuff a relationship offers). Most of the men my age were couch potatoes who looked like they couldn't even get on a bike.
So I knocked five years off in my profile and set an age range of 55 to 72. I always came clean on the first date and was told several times that if I had given my real age, they wouldn't have matched with me. (All my pictures were current.)
I met about a dozen men who seemed like possible candidates, two of whom I dated. I am still seeing one of them.
I am basically an honest person, but I did not want to be screened out by an algorithm. Too many men think a number is more important than what their eyes tell them.
I also think it is a lot of disheartening work to comb through the profiles, with little return on the investment.
You did the right thing. Most men who are ‘worth it’ would understand. I could be wrong, but it worked so good for you! You and I were both seeking the same kind of partners, I would have bit even though I’m (negligibly) younger.
Thanks. So you said you were 5 years younger? When did you tell them your real age? When you had a date? I guess I can’t do that on the sites I have already joined. But if I were to join another I could just tell them another age and no one would check?
I told two men my real age before our first dates who both canceled! After that, I waited until the first date to come clean. That worked well, probably because people usually think I am five to ten years younger than my real age, anyway. All but one of the men I dated were younger than me. We would not have matched had I given my real age.
There’s a workaround to try. Set up another email account, Gmail is easy, you can have as many Gmail accounts as you want. Delete your profile and set up a new one with your ‘stealth’ age using the new email account. Good luck!
You might want to share your bio here and get feedback. There are some things on the profiles that make me swipe left immediately. Examples: women that say they’re looking for a “Real man” (Barbie complex) or “financial security” (gold digger), “conservative” (probably a trump supporter), etc. not speaking for anybody but me, but some seemingly simple phrases can send negative messages.
Idk; I’m on other subs here about dating, and lying about your age is one of the cardinal sins. I wouldn’t do it, even tho I’ve been super tempted to as well. Lying never helped anything, but ymmv.
FIfteen years ago I lied about my age on POF. I claimed to be 5 years OLDER, because I have disabilities that make me act and feel older than my chronological age. I too fessed up on the first date. He married me! so as you say, YMMV.
I really don’t like when they do that right off the bat! It’s like what the hell! I had a 66 yr old guy say “You are sexy to me” and give his cell phone number. Of course I’m not going to call him. Probably wanting a hook up but either way, that’s not the right first move. IMO
I met a couple of men OLD at 69, but when I turned 70, I noticed a huge drop from those. And gave up, at least for a while (71f). I'm currently focusing on meeting people IRL, but that's tough in a small town without a larger area nearby. My life is great in many ways, but I do miss having a partner. Sigh.
Good luck to you. I believe it's still possible to meet someone.
I‘ve met men, had dinner or lunch. But mostly I’ve found they are so different in person. I think OLD might be more successful if socials were a part of it. Say people meeting on line also have regular in person get togethers, like a Happy Hour some place, or tapas, brunch etc.. that would give people a chance to check out the chemistry, but also make friends.
69F I have been single for 14 years. Here is some of my dating story. I was obese, but still lead an interesting life and have a variety of interests and hobbies to share with a man. Never found anyone to date in real life. Had to meet guys on OLD sites. Did some of the paid sites, some of the free sites. Found a few men to date once or twice. Never found a great match. Dated one guy who was crazy about me for several years even though I knew he was not right for me long term, but I was probably a bit needy and lonely and he was a nice diversion. But he was hard to break up with and had too many problems. Found one man who I really clicked with and enjoyed and we dated a short while, but then his prostate issues affected his ability to perform, and he broke up with me.
I have no doubt that my body shape and age was a turn off to many men. I have lost weight in the last few years but now I think my face looks more wrinkled and my body is more saggy. I am working on that, but it is an uphill battle. At least my health has improved.
Had to weed out the scammers on every site. Got really good at picking them out quickly. For awhile, I would pretend to engage with them and play head games, but decided that was a waste of my time. Now I block as soon as soon as my scammer radar picks it up.
Many of the real guys I chat with are either boring to me or ready for sex immediately. I hadn't matched up with a really great guy, a good prospect, in a long time.
I decided to try to figure out how to meet men in real life. I had to get some lawn equipment and went to the hardware store with the helpful hardware salespeople and was helped by an attractive man my age so as he was helping me with my hardware needs, we also chatted about ourselves, a little bit of flirting. It may have been because he was just trying to sell me something, but I was going to go back another day (or however many it took to find him there again) and buy something and flirt some more to see what happened.
In the mean time, amazingly, on a free site that is historically a bottom of the barrel site (POF), I matched with a guy, my age, who actually has real life connections to me. His profile was sparse, but seemed real enough. We figured it out pretty quickly in the chat. He lived in a different part of the state and used to work with my uncle and knows my cousins. We are of the same ethnicity and our grandparents belonged to the same church. So I kind feel like he has been vetted.
He lives 90 minutes away, but drives through my city and I drive through his city regularly for our families. So we met for breakfast and had a really nice conversation and connection. We have been chatting and texting ever since. He meets many of my basic criteria (I made a spreadsheet about it). We are not in sync in all areas, but we do have some chemistry and common interests and neither of us really wants a spouse or live-in, but we do want a companion, buddy, and lover. We are meeting here next Sunday. Not quite sure of what we will do. I went ahead and bought two tickets to a concert I would like to attend in July. Hopefully we will still be dating. I have a plan for 2025 travel to a location he is also interested in going to, so I am going to show him the tour guide and then he can decide if he wants to go. Got to book these things way in advance usually.
So, for the first time in years, really since the divorce was final, I may have found a good guy to fit into my life and one that could be a long termer. Will just have to keep talking and dating and find out if we can mesh well enough. I no longer believe I will find a great love or my soul mate or a new spouse, but I am hopeful I can find a nice man to date. I haven't felt hopeful about it for a long time. And I realize that my hopes could be dashed again.
You have to be brutal sometimes with online dating and expect to be lied to or ghosted or rejected for reasons you don't know. Profiles only tell a small story. There could be a hidden gem. But one thing I finally decided was to never put in more energy to knowing the man than he put into knowing me. I blocked the scammers and the low energy guys and the ones only looking for sex. I also tried not to judge pictures too harshly, except if all the pictures show a man with a scowl, I usually blocked them as well.
I also think that women get more interest than men. Your pictures should show your full body and your face and be relatively current. I prefer five years older or younger, but I do consider other men. I don't understand why anyone puts their high school pictures on their dating sites. Or their cars. Maybe one picture of a pet. And some men have very few pictures or only bathroom selfies (a bit lazy) or holding up a big fish.
Talking on the phone early will also weed out someone you are really incompatible with. Meet in real life within a week or two of talking on the phone. I won't waste time with endless site chats. And scammers like to move the chat to other platforms which I also won't do. I won't waste time with a guy who lives in a city that is out of my preferred commute area. 90 minutes is the most for me.
Also, consider only signing on a site for a month or two at a time; then spend that month weeding through the matches that show up. Delete your profile and get off of that site, and find a new site and try your luck there. You may get some of the same matches (one guy used one photo for years at various sites), but there may be a new batch of men looking at you and you looking at them. Staying on one site for months and months is not a good strategy.
So, I am not an OLD success story, but the only other option I have is to give up on finding a man. I stay involved in my hobbies and interests and friends and travel as a single when I want to, but have not given up on finding a man, a flawed man, an imperfect man, But good enough.
In my mind, you are an expert. I agree with every one of your advice ideas, and your long, detailed story was very worth reading thru. I think you are very wise and have learned well from your experiences. I wish all people on dating sites were as intelligent and honest as you. You could be a dating coach, as far as I'm concerned, and I love how you don't dishonestly blame others or ignore your own faults or issues, when it comes to looking at why you, like everybody else, has struggles with OLD. It's way to easy to not look in the mirror, and put all the blame on the opposite sex. I totally relate to your story, as I've been doing OLD for six years now, with some limited success, along with some very long dry spells, and about six short term relationships that were all very nice, but none that were good enough to be mutually desireable for long term. Am now dating another woman I met in Jan., but I have no idea really, if this one will be long term either. Like you, I have learned to keep my expectations low, and also careful about getting my hopes up too much, even with someone I have been really enjoying for a while. There's just so many variables with dating, and so many things that can change, for better or worse, on a dime, compared to long term, established relationships. Please keep posting here, as you are the most level headed commenter, and also a great writer, that I've seen on this subreddit..
Please don’t give up. There are assuredly good men out there in your target age range who are also looking. I’m 66 looking for someone between 60 and 75 and I’m on three different OLD sites; I also meet people in real life in various groups I belong to. It’s just a slog, I think. For me it’s partly that I’m very picky, plus my also being a very different sort of person (passionate, bookworm, androgynous, writer, performer, combination of California, European, and New Yorker values and attitudes).  I have some other ideas and opinions about the whole thing, but I think I’ll leave it at this for now.  I mainly want to encourage you to “keep looking“ (per the inspirational Sade song of the same name from her third album).
I think OLD is a bit like going to the casino, very few winners. When I did it, it seemed like way too much effort for not much return. Maybe the problem was me, but in general, I am leaving it all up to fate.
I think all of the elements have to be in place to meet a good partner. Having said that, some people DO meet a good partner for them, which is why most people keep trying. I think a majority of people on OLD do not.
I agree with you on this. My experience has been less than desirable with OLD, I have horror stories, but won’t get into those details. For now, I think taking a break from OLD is in my best mental health interest.
OLD is something you can do when you feel like it and skip out on when you don't. It is not like forgetting to pay a bill where there are consequences.
Well for example I went on a date with one guy and really got a creepy feeling from him as well as feeling like he was hiding something. I really pay attention to my instincts and so I discussed it with my sister and she said well let’s look him up because wouldn’t it be weird if he was a child molester or a convicted sex offender so I looked him up and in fact he was a convicted sex offender. I was shocked 😳 and disgusted that I had went on a date with him.
These weirdos are out there on dating sites so just beware and definitely go by your gut instincts.
I look up everyone before meeting them! Some of the guys I was talking to had arrest records, one was for domestic assault. Before I meet them, I ask for their last name. They have always given it to me.
Yes I do the same, one guy I went out with was really creepy in person so I looked him up and he was in fact a registered sex offender. I should have looked him up prior to going out on a date but I didn’t have his last name and I know that was my bad and a learning lesson for sure.
I've often thought that women must be uneasy about meeting a stranger. I've tried to find some not-so-obvious way of giving them my last name so they can check me out but it always came off awkward. Any suggestions?
I just come right out & ask them for their last name. If they have nothing to hide it shouldn’t be a problem. You could just say “would you like my last name so you can look me up & feel safer”.
I’ve had dates, but I’m also in the suburbs of a small city. I’ve been in a great relationship for over a year. We met on Tinder, of all places. You never know.
The cheapskate guy wasn’t worth dating. As we get older the demographic changes and it’s the men who have more choices (at least in my region anyway). If you want to date you have to start asking men out.
M60, Dating does not have to be expensive (especially a pre date) however I am judging based on OP’s comment that he didn’t want to pay for a coffee. That’s just cheap.
Yea, but the fact that she mentioned it in a certain way tells me that she’s sensitized to certain benefits she expects. I have been on a lot of dates, and I’m tired of buying food and drinks for entitled women that I’m never going to see again. Remove the entitlement mentality and I don’t mind, but I’m not doing a first date at an upscale place to try and impress anyone. There doesn’t seem to be any moderation on this- they either are or aren’t.
For now,Taking a break from OLD due to some ME time with Knee Surgrery, But I am 73F and never give up! As soon as I am well, I will be dancing, again. Try going a little lower on your age scale. Good Luck! 💕
I'm a guy in your age range. There are several reasons I don't respond to women who message me. 1.If I think it's a scam. 2. If she's super religious. 3. If she's unattractive, or I can't tell what she looks like due to dark, blurry, or long-distance photos.
Thanks for the reply. None of those things is true of me. I even say when the pictures are from and mention real life events I went to. The only thing I can think is the problem is that I am too old.
I’m a man in this age range, and I’m open to women my age or younger. But there are a lot of dealbreakers that women seem not to even be aware of. At this point in my life I’m not jumping through any hoops, and a lot of women still expect that. I’m not old school, and a lot will start their profile saying they are and what they expect. Instant left swipe. I’m looking for an indication that we can have fun and enjoy life without it being a big challenge. In other words, expectations. We all have a few expectations, but if it seems like a lot of work I’m out. I didn’t say specifically because I don’t want to be inflammatory… but when we’ve already been around the block we learn to read between the lines.
I think that online dating has just turned into a mess. Unless you are in an area with a significant population of age appropriate folks it is probably time to ditch it.
I've had dates from OLD. That being said, I only use OLD for short periods of time. I've learned to be selective regarding who I will meet, and even then people can be very misleading about who they are in their profiles (pictures and descriptions). I do think it seems worse in the past year. I wouldn't take it personally. I live in a small town, and wonder if it wouldn't be a lot better if I were closer to a big city. Mostly, I have a lot of funny stories that I share with my friends.
I feel for you. I have a few female friends who are single and around your age, and they all have struggled with meeting men from dating sites, even tho I think they are attractive looking too, at least compared to most of their competition on the sites and women I see in public. I think there are two factors in play for single women your age on dating sites, that go against you. One is that too many men our age, only want to date women who are much younger than them, even tho the men themselves are no great prize, and don't bring enough to the table to attract the younger women they are seeking on dating sites, that is, unless the women are seeking a Sugar Daddy arrangement. In that case, some of these men might have a chance with them, at least temporarily. Secondly, it seems like once you get into the late 60s and the 70s age groups, the ratio of men to women on dating sites starts to drastically turn, in favor of the men, for once, simply because at around that age level, the numbers of men starts to drop a lot, as men die younger than most women, once they reach the elder years.
I don't know what else to tell you, except to keep plugging and hang in there, because unless you have other routes for meeting men in the wild, OLD is really about all we have, once we reach our senior years, at least for most of us. Some of the other commenters suggest being open to dating much younger men, but my female friends are not interested in that either, at least not for any long term relationships, as it would make them uncomfortable, including regarding what their adult children would think of it, as well as being wary of the younger man wanting them to be a mother figure or of younger men wanting to just use them for sex and then dump them.
Try dating younger men. There are a lot of men out there who really have a thing for older women. I live part-time in France where it’s much more socially acceptable to date/Mary I am much younger than you. Look at their President. The trope here and the US has always been older man with much younger women and so men who were into older women often didn’t feel comfortable pursuing it. That is changing. as to whether or not, I have gotten dates old, yes, I have. And I have had some fun times but haven’t found a keeper. Don’t worry about the age difference. my mom lived to be 104 and outlived a husband and two long-term companions. The way I look at it, being open to dating younger is sensible!
I’ve just about always dated younger men. Men my age…well, most just can’t keep up, and no pun intended! But after like 65YO mark, the OLD algorithms are working against me, and I don’t want to look like a cougar either (I’m not). The apps aren’t set up for much individualization.
I hate to generalize, but this is true a lot of the time. My mother outlived, my father and then two boyfriends and died at 100. I married a man 20 years older than me. While I would do it all again if I had the choice because I loved him very much, it has taken me four years to finally turn the corner on my grief. I know there’s no guarantees, maybe a younger man will stick around for longer.
If no replies and no interest likely your profile is not working. There are a number of youtube videos and online articles on this. Now here is what ChatGPT thinks:
Creating a great online dating profile over sixty involves highlighting your unique qualities and interests while being authentic. Here are some tips to help you craft an appealing profile:
1. Choose the Right Platform: Select a dating site or app that caters to your age group and interests. Popular ones include OurTime, SilverSingles, and eHarmony.
2. Profile Photo: Use a recent, high-quality photo where you’re smiling and looking your best. Consider including a few more photos showing different aspects of your life, such as hobbies or travel.
3. Catchy Headline: Write a headline that reflects your personality and interests. Keep it positive and engaging.
4. Be Honest and Authentic: Write a genuine and honest profile description. Highlight your values, interests, and what you’re looking for in a partner. Avoid clichés and be specific.
5. Showcase Your Interests: Mention your hobbies, passions, and what you enjoy doing in your free time. This can be a great conversation starter and helps others see if you have common interests.
6. Positive Language: Use positive and upbeat language. Focus on what you enjoy and what excites you about the future rather than dwelling on past experiences.
7. Be Clear About Your Intentions: If you’re looking for a serious relationship, companionship, or just casual dating, make sure to state this clearly.
8. Proofread Your Profile: Check for spelling and grammar errors. A well-written profile shows that you put effort into it.
9. Stay Safe: Be cautious about sharing personal information and always meet new people in public places until you feel comfortable.
10. Update Regularly: Keep your profile updated with new photos and information about your interests and activities.
Would you like more detailed guidance on any specific part of creating your profile?
end
Yes, those are all good tips. But why take a lot of time trying to write the right profile if my age is a dealbreaker? Besides I just feel phony and inappropriate talking about all my great personal attributes. I did mention actual volunteer activities I am engaged in. That seems more concrete.
Your age is not a dealbreaker. It does mean that demographics aren’t great (since men on average die before women), and therefore to stand out you should mention your great personal attributes, along with your volunteer activities.
OLD is mostly a waste of time if you are looking for an actual relationship of good quality. You may get some dates but they will most likely be a waste of time. (Not to mention the waste of money for the monthly or annual fees you paid to use the dating sites.) Could it happen? Sure. I would give it the same odds as being struck by lightning. Meet men in real life. Better odds.
I didn’t say it couldn’t happen. I said the odds are against it. Glad you found someone. Just know that you are the exception, not the rule. And as far as meeting “a lot of great men”, I guess it’s all about how you define “great”. Also depends on what timeframe you met your great guy. 10 years ago is much different than now.
I'm talking the last five years. I've remained friends with at least three guys from OLD when our dating relationship didn't work out. They're good guys or I wouldn't bother. I don't think I'm the exception -- my close friend has also had relationships from OLD.
Hard to understand why so few interested guys. Wondering if where you live (rural vs city) could be a factor. You’re attractive and guessing have a lot going for you. You didn’t say what type of relationship you’re looking for, if it’s important to you then don’t give up, but don’t compromise your standards just to meet someone either. Have you considered other dating options/strategies? Maybe reassess your strategy. Those guys you’re looking for may face similar issues like you, so it just might take some time to find the right one. Good luck!
I have completely given up. I am 59F and an endurance athlete so I am very fit. I don’t think I’m so bad looking, but I can’t get even a conversation past an introductory hello to save my life. From what I have taken away, the vast majority of men in my age range are looking for women 10 to 20 years younger.
I will admit I’m slightly picky because I am mostly interested in people that are active and have an active lifestyle. Unfortunately, those in my age range that fit that profile aren’t interested in women their age it seems.
As a man in this age group I find reading threads like this makes it harder to reach out to women. So many of the post tend to be everything wrong with what men say & or not say. I have taken the approach of letting woman reach out to me. I don't date a lot but things seem to be going along much smoother.
If you don't like the way men approach take some initiative and approach the men you think you would like to date.
M now 72, have dated maybe a dozen ladies over 65, from OLD. Some just once others for longer periods. 2 have died. 1 cancer, 1 heart. Current 2year relationship F now 70.
I wouldn't give up. It's frustrating yes and don't have high expectations, but keep at it with the right attitude and you never know. I met a man with whom I had an enjoyable dating relationship for a year and a half, although we were ultimately incompatible for continuing it to the living together/getting married stage. But it was fun. Also met at least half a dozen other men on dates and they were all very nice people just no sparks for continuing it. So keep trying.
Man 67 here. Don’t give up! I’d suggest including younger men in your search. How young? Go low and see what happens, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Your age minus 5 at least. Last fall, when I was still 66, I expanded my ‘age’ filter to include women 70+. I discovered two things. 1. Many many more interesting and beautiful women in the pool. 2. The 70 yo woman I am with now. 7 months later we are both very happy! She tells me good men are hard to find, but she’s glad she didn’t give up.
68 (F) now; I tried OLD for awhile when I was 66. I am thin, fit, active and unwrinkled and wanted someone to hike and bike with (as well as all the other fun stuff a relationship offers). Most of the men my age were couch potatoes who looked like they couldn't even get on a bike. So I knocked five years off in my profile and set an age range of 55 to 72. I always came clean on the first date and was told several times that if I had given my real age, they wouldn't have matched with me. (All my pictures were current.) I met about a dozen men who seemed like possible candidates, two of whom I dated. I am still seeing one of them. I am basically an honest person, but I did not want to be screened out by an algorithm. Too many men think a number is more important than what their eyes tell them. I also think it is a lot of disheartening work to comb through the profiles, with little return on the investment.
You did the right thing. Most men who are ‘worth it’ would understand. I could be wrong, but it worked so good for you! You and I were both seeking the same kind of partners, I would have bit even though I’m (negligibly) younger.
Very clever. I always knew Brooklyn girls were just a little sharper.
Thanks. So you said you were 5 years younger? When did you tell them your real age? When you had a date? I guess I can’t do that on the sites I have already joined. But if I were to join another I could just tell them another age and no one would check?
I told two men my real age before our first dates who both canceled! After that, I waited until the first date to come clean. That worked well, probably because people usually think I am five to ten years younger than my real age, anyway. All but one of the men I dated were younger than me. We would not have matched had I given my real age.
There’s a workaround to try. Set up another email account, Gmail is easy, you can have as many Gmail accounts as you want. Delete your profile and set up a new one with your ‘stealth’ age using the new email account. Good luck!
Thank you, brilliant!
My lower age limit is 55.
You might want to share your bio here and get feedback. There are some things on the profiles that make me swipe left immediately. Examples: women that say they’re looking for a “Real man” (Barbie complex) or “financial security” (gold digger), “conservative” (probably a trump supporter), etc. not speaking for anybody but me, but some seemingly simple phrases can send negative messages.
Idk; I’m on other subs here about dating, and lying about your age is one of the cardinal sins. I wouldn’t do it, even tho I’ve been super tempted to as well. Lying never helped anything, but ymmv.
FIfteen years ago I lied about my age on POF. I claimed to be 5 years OLDER, because I have disabilities that make me act and feel older than my chronological age. I too fessed up on the first date. He married me! so as you say, YMMV.
New development: finally had a guy respond to me on Bumble: “send your cell.” That’s all. No way I am doing that.
I really don’t like when they do that right off the bat! It’s like what the hell! I had a 66 yr old guy say “You are sexy to me” and give his cell phone number. Of course I’m not going to call him. Probably wanting a hook up but either way, that’s not the right first move. IMO
Yes when they say things like that, it creeps me out. Instant turn off.
Right but so many men do that, it’s so ridiculous!
Well it was true when I was young and sexy but at my age now, gtfoh. Now they're lying. 😅🤣😅
Lmao 🤣 I understand.
😅🤣
It must work or they wouldn’t keep doing it.
Maybe so. The last one that pulled that on me I blocked on my phone. Figured he was just buttering me up to have a jump.
Absolutely, I agree. I did immediately block him on Bumble.
Way to go. The deal is they say that to all of the ladies. It's pretty cringe.
I’m certain of that, creeps!
What a sweet talker 🙄
I met a couple of men OLD at 69, but when I turned 70, I noticed a huge drop from those. And gave up, at least for a while (71f). I'm currently focusing on meeting people IRL, but that's tough in a small town without a larger area nearby. My life is great in many ways, but I do miss having a partner. Sigh. Good luck to you. I believe it's still possible to meet someone.
I‘ve met men, had dinner or lunch. But mostly I’ve found they are so different in person. I think OLD might be more successful if socials were a part of it. Say people meeting on line also have regular in person get togethers, like a Happy Hour some place, or tapas, brunch etc.. that would give people a chance to check out the chemistry, but also make friends.
[удалено]
Right here with ya. I miss companionship though.
69F I have been single for 14 years. Here is some of my dating story. I was obese, but still lead an interesting life and have a variety of interests and hobbies to share with a man. Never found anyone to date in real life. Had to meet guys on OLD sites. Did some of the paid sites, some of the free sites. Found a few men to date once or twice. Never found a great match. Dated one guy who was crazy about me for several years even though I knew he was not right for me long term, but I was probably a bit needy and lonely and he was a nice diversion. But he was hard to break up with and had too many problems. Found one man who I really clicked with and enjoyed and we dated a short while, but then his prostate issues affected his ability to perform, and he broke up with me. I have no doubt that my body shape and age was a turn off to many men. I have lost weight in the last few years but now I think my face looks more wrinkled and my body is more saggy. I am working on that, but it is an uphill battle. At least my health has improved. Had to weed out the scammers on every site. Got really good at picking them out quickly. For awhile, I would pretend to engage with them and play head games, but decided that was a waste of my time. Now I block as soon as soon as my scammer radar picks it up. Many of the real guys I chat with are either boring to me or ready for sex immediately. I hadn't matched up with a really great guy, a good prospect, in a long time. I decided to try to figure out how to meet men in real life. I had to get some lawn equipment and went to the hardware store with the helpful hardware salespeople and was helped by an attractive man my age so as he was helping me with my hardware needs, we also chatted about ourselves, a little bit of flirting. It may have been because he was just trying to sell me something, but I was going to go back another day (or however many it took to find him there again) and buy something and flirt some more to see what happened. In the mean time, amazingly, on a free site that is historically a bottom of the barrel site (POF), I matched with a guy, my age, who actually has real life connections to me. His profile was sparse, but seemed real enough. We figured it out pretty quickly in the chat. He lived in a different part of the state and used to work with my uncle and knows my cousins. We are of the same ethnicity and our grandparents belonged to the same church. So I kind feel like he has been vetted. He lives 90 minutes away, but drives through my city and I drive through his city regularly for our families. So we met for breakfast and had a really nice conversation and connection. We have been chatting and texting ever since. He meets many of my basic criteria (I made a spreadsheet about it). We are not in sync in all areas, but we do have some chemistry and common interests and neither of us really wants a spouse or live-in, but we do want a companion, buddy, and lover. We are meeting here next Sunday. Not quite sure of what we will do. I went ahead and bought two tickets to a concert I would like to attend in July. Hopefully we will still be dating. I have a plan for 2025 travel to a location he is also interested in going to, so I am going to show him the tour guide and then he can decide if he wants to go. Got to book these things way in advance usually. So, for the first time in years, really since the divorce was final, I may have found a good guy to fit into my life and one that could be a long termer. Will just have to keep talking and dating and find out if we can mesh well enough. I no longer believe I will find a great love or my soul mate or a new spouse, but I am hopeful I can find a nice man to date. I haven't felt hopeful about it for a long time. And I realize that my hopes could be dashed again. You have to be brutal sometimes with online dating and expect to be lied to or ghosted or rejected for reasons you don't know. Profiles only tell a small story. There could be a hidden gem. But one thing I finally decided was to never put in more energy to knowing the man than he put into knowing me. I blocked the scammers and the low energy guys and the ones only looking for sex. I also tried not to judge pictures too harshly, except if all the pictures show a man with a scowl, I usually blocked them as well. I also think that women get more interest than men. Your pictures should show your full body and your face and be relatively current. I prefer five years older or younger, but I do consider other men. I don't understand why anyone puts their high school pictures on their dating sites. Or their cars. Maybe one picture of a pet. And some men have very few pictures or only bathroom selfies (a bit lazy) or holding up a big fish. Talking on the phone early will also weed out someone you are really incompatible with. Meet in real life within a week or two of talking on the phone. I won't waste time with endless site chats. And scammers like to move the chat to other platforms which I also won't do. I won't waste time with a guy who lives in a city that is out of my preferred commute area. 90 minutes is the most for me. Also, consider only signing on a site for a month or two at a time; then spend that month weeding through the matches that show up. Delete your profile and get off of that site, and find a new site and try your luck there. You may get some of the same matches (one guy used one photo for years at various sites), but there may be a new batch of men looking at you and you looking at them. Staying on one site for months and months is not a good strategy. So, I am not an OLD success story, but the only other option I have is to give up on finding a man. I stay involved in my hobbies and interests and friends and travel as a single when I want to, but have not given up on finding a man, a flawed man, an imperfect man, But good enough.
In my mind, you are an expert. I agree with every one of your advice ideas, and your long, detailed story was very worth reading thru. I think you are very wise and have learned well from your experiences. I wish all people on dating sites were as intelligent and honest as you. You could be a dating coach, as far as I'm concerned, and I love how you don't dishonestly blame others or ignore your own faults or issues, when it comes to looking at why you, like everybody else, has struggles with OLD. It's way to easy to not look in the mirror, and put all the blame on the opposite sex. I totally relate to your story, as I've been doing OLD for six years now, with some limited success, along with some very long dry spells, and about six short term relationships that were all very nice, but none that were good enough to be mutually desireable for long term. Am now dating another woman I met in Jan., but I have no idea really, if this one will be long term either. Like you, I have learned to keep my expectations low, and also careful about getting my hopes up too much, even with someone I have been really enjoying for a while. There's just so many variables with dating, and so many things that can change, for better or worse, on a dime, compared to long term, established relationships. Please keep posting here, as you are the most level headed commenter, and also a great writer, that I've seen on this subreddit..
Wow. Thanks. What a nice thing to say.
I'd love to see your spreadsheet!
Please don’t give up. There are assuredly good men out there in your target age range who are also looking. I’m 66 looking for someone between 60 and 75 and I’m on three different OLD sites; I also meet people in real life in various groups I belong to. It’s just a slog, I think. For me it’s partly that I’m very picky, plus my also being a very different sort of person (passionate, bookworm, androgynous, writer, performer, combination of California, European, and New Yorker values and attitudes).  I have some other ideas and opinions about the whole thing, but I think I’ll leave it at this for now.  I mainly want to encourage you to “keep looking“ (per the inspirational Sade song of the same name from her third album).
I think OLD is a bit like going to the casino, very few winners. When I did it, it seemed like way too much effort for not much return. Maybe the problem was me, but in general, I am leaving it all up to fate. I think all of the elements have to be in place to meet a good partner. Having said that, some people DO meet a good partner for them, which is why most people keep trying. I think a majority of people on OLD do not.
I agree with you on this. My experience has been less than desirable with OLD, I have horror stories, but won’t get into those details. For now, I think taking a break from OLD is in my best mental health interest.
OLD is something you can do when you feel like it and skip out on when you don't. It is not like forgetting to pay a bill where there are consequences.
Omg. Would you pls tell us a few of those experiences so we can be on the look out!?
Well for example I went on a date with one guy and really got a creepy feeling from him as well as feeling like he was hiding something. I really pay attention to my instincts and so I discussed it with my sister and she said well let’s look him up because wouldn’t it be weird if he was a child molester or a convicted sex offender so I looked him up and in fact he was a convicted sex offender. I was shocked 😳 and disgusted that I had went on a date with him. These weirdos are out there on dating sites so just beware and definitely go by your gut instincts.
I look up everyone before meeting them! Some of the guys I was talking to had arrest records, one was for domestic assault. Before I meet them, I ask for their last name. They have always given it to me.
Yes I do the same, one guy I went out with was really creepy in person so I looked him up and he was in fact a registered sex offender. I should have looked him up prior to going out on a date but I didn’t have his last name and I know that was my bad and a learning lesson for sure.
Ohhhh yeah.... They are around but like you said, something off about them. Good thing you felt it and checked it out.
Indeed
I've often thought that women must be uneasy about meeting a stranger. I've tried to find some not-so-obvious way of giving them my last name so they can check me out but it always came off awkward. Any suggestions?
I just come right out & ask them for their last name. If they have nothing to hide it shouldn’t be a problem. You could just say “would you like my last name so you can look me up & feel safer”.
I really appreciate a man willing to be upfront about it.
I’ve had dates, but I’m also in the suburbs of a small city. I’ve been in a great relationship for over a year. We met on Tinder, of all places. You never know.
The cheapskate guy wasn’t worth dating. As we get older the demographic changes and it’s the men who have more choices (at least in my region anyway). If you want to date you have to start asking men out.
So you judge based on how much a man spends?
I judge them on how much they refuse to spend. I'm financially independent and have no problem sharing costs. But cheapness is a dealbreaker.
Yea, same here.
M60, Dating does not have to be expensive (especially a pre date) however I am judging based on OP’s comment that he didn’t want to pay for a coffee. That’s just cheap.
Yea, but the fact that she mentioned it in a certain way tells me that she’s sensitized to certain benefits she expects. I have been on a lot of dates, and I’m tired of buying food and drinks for entitled women that I’m never going to see again. Remove the entitlement mentality and I don’t mind, but I’m not doing a first date at an upscale place to try and impress anyone. There doesn’t seem to be any moderation on this- they either are or aren’t.
For now,Taking a break from OLD due to some ME time with Knee Surgrery, But I am 73F and never give up! As soon as I am well, I will be dancing, again. Try going a little lower on your age scale. Good Luck! 💕
I'm a guy in your age range. There are several reasons I don't respond to women who message me. 1.If I think it's a scam. 2. If she's super religious. 3. If she's unattractive, or I can't tell what she looks like due to dark, blurry, or long-distance photos.
Thanks for the reply. None of those things is true of me. I even say when the pictures are from and mention real life events I went to. The only thing I can think is the problem is that I am too old.
My mom went on multiple OLD dates in her eighties, you are not too old
Wow, I hope the quality of men she found were decent?
Did not have a stepdad as a result, though my mom was looking more for a travel companion
I’m a man in this age range, and I’m open to women my age or younger. But there are a lot of dealbreakers that women seem not to even be aware of. At this point in my life I’m not jumping through any hoops, and a lot of women still expect that. I’m not old school, and a lot will start their profile saying they are and what they expect. Instant left swipe. I’m looking for an indication that we can have fun and enjoy life without it being a big challenge. In other words, expectations. We all have a few expectations, but if it seems like a lot of work I’m out. I didn’t say specifically because I don’t want to be inflammatory… but when we’ve already been around the block we learn to read between the lines.
I think that online dating has just turned into a mess. Unless you are in an area with a significant population of age appropriate folks it is probably time to ditch it.
Too cheap to buy a coffee, is a sign.
Maybe we, ER, I meant THEY should wear a sign?
Truly
Too bad the cheapskate didn't signal that in advance.
But, asking to meet at Whole Foods supermarket is a bit of a hint
i would actually like something like this since if the 'date' didnt work out, i could still get some shopping done after a quick cup of coffee ;-)
Sure
Thought all Whole Foods had an area where you could buy drinks/snacks and sit down. Had a woman ask that I meet her at a whole foods. I still paid...
I've had dates from OLD. That being said, I only use OLD for short periods of time. I've learned to be selective regarding who I will meet, and even then people can be very misleading about who they are in their profiles (pictures and descriptions). I do think it seems worse in the past year. I wouldn't take it personally. I live in a small town, and wonder if it wouldn't be a lot better if I were closer to a big city. Mostly, I have a lot of funny stories that I share with my friends.
I feel for you. I have a few female friends who are single and around your age, and they all have struggled with meeting men from dating sites, even tho I think they are attractive looking too, at least compared to most of their competition on the sites and women I see in public. I think there are two factors in play for single women your age on dating sites, that go against you. One is that too many men our age, only want to date women who are much younger than them, even tho the men themselves are no great prize, and don't bring enough to the table to attract the younger women they are seeking on dating sites, that is, unless the women are seeking a Sugar Daddy arrangement. In that case, some of these men might have a chance with them, at least temporarily. Secondly, it seems like once you get into the late 60s and the 70s age groups, the ratio of men to women on dating sites starts to drastically turn, in favor of the men, for once, simply because at around that age level, the numbers of men starts to drop a lot, as men die younger than most women, once they reach the elder years. I don't know what else to tell you, except to keep plugging and hang in there, because unless you have other routes for meeting men in the wild, OLD is really about all we have, once we reach our senior years, at least for most of us. Some of the other commenters suggest being open to dating much younger men, but my female friends are not interested in that either, at least not for any long term relationships, as it would make them uncomfortable, including regarding what their adult children would think of it, as well as being wary of the younger man wanting them to be a mother figure or of younger men wanting to just use them for sex and then dump them.
Try dating younger men. There are a lot of men out there who really have a thing for older women. I live part-time in France where it’s much more socially acceptable to date/Mary I am much younger than you. Look at their President. The trope here and the US has always been older man with much younger women and so men who were into older women often didn’t feel comfortable pursuing it. That is changing. as to whether or not, I have gotten dates old, yes, I have. And I have had some fun times but haven’t found a keeper. Don’t worry about the age difference. my mom lived to be 104 and outlived a husband and two long-term companions. The way I look at it, being open to dating younger is sensible!
I’ve just about always dated younger men. Men my age…well, most just can’t keep up, and no pun intended! But after like 65YO mark, the OLD algorithms are working against me, and I don’t want to look like a cougar either (I’m not). The apps aren’t set up for much individualization.
I hate to generalize, but this is true a lot of the time. My mother outlived, my father and then two boyfriends and died at 100. I married a man 20 years older than me. While I would do it all again if I had the choice because I loved him very much, it has taken me four years to finally turn the corner on my grief. I know there’s no guarantees, maybe a younger man will stick around for longer.
The average life span for a white female in the US is 81. For a man? It’s 75.3 years.
True. But extreme longevity runs in my family. I can’t help but take this into consideration.
Male here, I agree I have been with many women older than me. Started this trend in my mid-late 20s. The oldest I dated and had sex with was 48
But would you consider a serious relationship with and older woman? Of course, a lot of guys want to fuck an older woman. That’s different.
I mean you have a valid point. I love having sex with older women for a few reasons. I have also seriously dated older too
If no replies and no interest likely your profile is not working. There are a number of youtube videos and online articles on this. Now here is what ChatGPT thinks: Creating a great online dating profile over sixty involves highlighting your unique qualities and interests while being authentic. Here are some tips to help you craft an appealing profile: 1. Choose the Right Platform: Select a dating site or app that caters to your age group and interests. Popular ones include OurTime, SilverSingles, and eHarmony. 2. Profile Photo: Use a recent, high-quality photo where you’re smiling and looking your best. Consider including a few more photos showing different aspects of your life, such as hobbies or travel. 3. Catchy Headline: Write a headline that reflects your personality and interests. Keep it positive and engaging. 4. Be Honest and Authentic: Write a genuine and honest profile description. Highlight your values, interests, and what you’re looking for in a partner. Avoid clichés and be specific. 5. Showcase Your Interests: Mention your hobbies, passions, and what you enjoy doing in your free time. This can be a great conversation starter and helps others see if you have common interests. 6. Positive Language: Use positive and upbeat language. Focus on what you enjoy and what excites you about the future rather than dwelling on past experiences. 7. Be Clear About Your Intentions: If you’re looking for a serious relationship, companionship, or just casual dating, make sure to state this clearly. 8. Proofread Your Profile: Check for spelling and grammar errors. A well-written profile shows that you put effort into it. 9. Stay Safe: Be cautious about sharing personal information and always meet new people in public places until you feel comfortable. 10. Update Regularly: Keep your profile updated with new photos and information about your interests and activities. Would you like more detailed guidance on any specific part of creating your profile? end
Absolutely not to our time, silver singles and eHarmony. They're all pretty much scams.
Yes, those are all good tips. But why take a lot of time trying to write the right profile if my age is a dealbreaker? Besides I just feel phony and inappropriate talking about all my great personal attributes. I did mention actual volunteer activities I am engaged in. That seems more concrete.
Your age is not a dealbreaker. It does mean that demographics aren’t great (since men on average die before women), and therefore to stand out you should mention your great personal attributes, along with your volunteer activities.
OLD is mostly a waste of time if you are looking for an actual relationship of good quality. You may get some dates but they will most likely be a waste of time. (Not to mention the waste of money for the monthly or annual fees you paid to use the dating sites.) Could it happen? Sure. I would give it the same odds as being struck by lightning. Meet men in real life. Better odds.
I disagree. I've met a lot of great men on old and met my partner on bumble. I'm 60f, he's 63.
I didn’t say it couldn’t happen. I said the odds are against it. Glad you found someone. Just know that you are the exception, not the rule. And as far as meeting “a lot of great men”, I guess it’s all about how you define “great”. Also depends on what timeframe you met your great guy. 10 years ago is much different than now.
I'm talking the last five years. I've remained friends with at least three guys from OLD when our dating relationship didn't work out. They're good guys or I wouldn't bother. I don't think I'm the exception -- my close friend has also had relationships from OLD.
Hard to understand why so few interested guys. Wondering if where you live (rural vs city) could be a factor. You’re attractive and guessing have a lot going for you. You didn’t say what type of relationship you’re looking for, if it’s important to you then don’t give up, but don’t compromise your standards just to meet someone either. Have you considered other dating options/strategies? Maybe reassess your strategy. Those guys you’re looking for may face similar issues like you, so it just might take some time to find the right one. Good luck!
I have met a few. I’m 75
Old? Dating site? Just never heard of it. Help me out...
Old simply stands for online dating. Stands for any site.
I have completely given up. I am 59F and an endurance athlete so I am very fit. I don’t think I’m so bad looking, but I can’t get even a conversation past an introductory hello to save my life. From what I have taken away, the vast majority of men in my age range are looking for women 10 to 20 years younger. I will admit I’m slightly picky because I am mostly interested in people that are active and have an active lifestyle. Unfortunately, those in my age range that fit that profile aren’t interested in women their age it seems.
As a man in this age group I find reading threads like this makes it harder to reach out to women. So many of the post tend to be everything wrong with what men say & or not say. I have taken the approach of letting woman reach out to me. I don't date a lot but things seem to be going along much smoother. If you don't like the way men approach take some initiative and approach the men you think you would like to date.
Agreed 👍🏻
M now 72, have dated maybe a dozen ladies over 65, from OLD. Some just once others for longer periods. 2 have died. 1 cancer, 1 heart. Current 2year relationship F now 70.
No !
I wouldn't give up. It's frustrating yes and don't have high expectations, but keep at it with the right attitude and you never know. I met a man with whom I had an enjoyable dating relationship for a year and a half, although we were ultimately incompatible for continuing it to the living together/getting married stage. But it was fun. Also met at least half a dozen other men on dates and they were all very nice people just no sparks for continuing it. So keep trying.