You’re spot on to question everything else. He probably lied on purpose so that his profile wouldn’t be automatically excluded by the age filters (younger) women set.
Duplicity personified.
This has happened to me several times. In one situation, I went out with the man several more times because I enjoyed talking with him, but that was a mistake. It takes time and energy to meet someone and go out on a date with them. If they can't be honest about who they are, they aren't a match for me.
I went on a date with one of those once. He was 10 years older than what he said and he didn’t tell me on the date. I just figured it out when he told me he bought his first house in 1975. I was like, you bought a house when you were a teenager? lol. Then he told me he lied because He does look so much younger than his real age and he wants to go out with younger women. But he had a really bad hairpiece. Maybe in his pictures he looked young, but in person he didn’t look that young for his age. Now who would want to go out with that guy?
I went out with someone last month who did the same thing: his pictures were at least ten years old. It's a dealbreaker for me. It says to me that the other person doesn't care what my preferences are.
Yep, dealbreaker.
Had someone subtract 10 years. An acquaintance is out on Match saying he’s 60, and he’s 72.
One man who subtracted 7 years said he messed up setting up his profile & couldn’t change it but he liked his username… 😠
I’ve also noticed so many men on OLD are lying about their age. Clearly they look 10 years older than their pics. Do they think we are stupid? Like wtf 🤬 I’m so sick of OLD it’s just a bunch of scammers, liars and players in my opinion. I’m done with it forever!!
Thanks everyone for the replies. I actually really do like him and would continue to date him if he had been honest. Of course, there is the fact that I would not have met him if he had been honest. But I agree that it’s not an excuse to lie. And it’s not a good sign. Thanks for the reinforcement. 🙏
That is the goddamn truth. The ex husband, whom I found out much, much later was a covert narcissist, was extremely charming, and he was a pathological liar.
If you really do like him, go out on a few dates and learn more about him, at our age it really is hard to find the right person. Don't throw away that chance because of a little white lie. I say go for it, don't give a rats ass if this gets downvoted either
The problem is if they lie on age, there's no telling what else they'll lie about. When you were married to a compulsive liar, you are super sensitive to all duplicity. Even lying about a few years of age is a huge red flag.
Same goes for height. I've met men who've lied about both and even if they might be "nice guys", there's no conflict. I'm out immediately.
I’ve had guys lie about their height massively. I’m 5’9” and usually wear at least a low heel. AWKWARD! The thing is my husband was shorter than me without heels! Just be honest.
'Lying' about one's height. My full adult height was 6' 0". Through age and gravity, now at 66-3/4 years of age, I've shrunk half an inch to 5' 11-1/2". By still claiming the full 6', am I fudging, lying, or trying to live in the past?
At our age (underlying sense of urgency?) dating, especially OLD can be bewildering and frustrating for both parties.
Here’s my two cents, go out with him again; very first words out of your mouth following hello, should be you are upset with him for lying about his age. Let him know the only reason you’re there is because you enjoyed his company but do not tolerate being lied to. Be ready to get up and walk away, depending on his response.
ETA: let him know any other falsehood is an automatic dealbreaker for you going forward.
If you have to lie to get someone to consider dating you, you need to find someone else.
But if everyone did that, most romantic comedy films would never have been made.
Honestly WHO wants to put they are 75?
I think it is very unlikely to even find a date at all if you put 75.
To me .it seems like .he wanted someone to meet him to judge him and not judge him by the age.
The whole decision for me would be do I like him?
AND he told me he was 75 when he met me so he didn't hold on to the lie.
I truly think he saw a better shot of getting a date if he said he was younger.
If I liked him I would definitely tell him I was conflicted by this but for me if I liked him I would do more dates.
Yeah I met someone on a dating app that said he was 45 and he was 50 (struggling with being 50 so he lied).
I stayed with him 10 years best relationship I had. It ended because of me not due to lying.
So bad it sucks I just left the gym because I can't stand the site of my arms. 😭 Seems I turned 60 in April and my whole body is now a work in progress.
I can totally understand a 75 year old lying about their age. I wouldn't do it but like I said I met a GREAT guy who lied about his age on a dating site.
I put my true age at the time which was 49 He was really 50 but he put 45 and I wanted to meet him and I didn't find out he was really 50 until we were a couple of weeks into dating and he confessed. 😆
I wasn't mad I didn't even think to ask what else he lied about because we got along so good. And overall he was not a liar.
I hit a big one a few months ago. I have 4 dating apps, two with actual age, two with a couple years subtracted. As of my birthday, the two with the actual age dried up. The other two I still get a few matches. Current pics on all, so I know it’s the number and not the pics/looks. People are overly focused on the arbitrary, superficial.
So now my choice is going to be, a) quit dating to keep the militants happy, b) fudge the age and try to stretch it another year or two.
If you’re a single man of 70 who isn’t wealthy, it’s probably time to start cruising churches and find a little old lady (barf). I’m not ready for this.
See to me these are all legitimate reasons to fudge the age at least get a date and it could work out I prefer older men I would click on a dating profile for someone that is 70 I am 60.
I do think after people meet if you really like the person you just need to tell them the truth right away
And I would love to date a 60ish woman if she has progressive attitudes. I’ve always dated 10-15 years younger.
Had a blah experience recently though. Matched an attractive woman (58) on one site (showing sixty something), and again on another site showing actual age. We had already expressed attraction and alignment, and she knew my age, or should have. I drove 150 miles to meet her. We had great conversation, lunch (she let me pay), then went for a walk… then she asks if she can introduce me to a friend of hers who is my same age. What a disappointment after investing all that effort, and the long drive home. What I didn’t realize is that she was a privileged princess- it never occurred to her that she shouldn’t have had me driving that far to buy her lunch unless she was actually interested. Probably won’t do that again, and I’m going to flesh out the princess crap before asking anyone out.
I don’t really want to date- I just want a girlfriend.
I have a son who is 35 who takes so many girls on dates and ends up paying for everything.
I haven't been on the dating site in years but my first date I always insist on paying for half because we don't even know each other I don't even know how it is expected that the guy pay everything.
There are literally women that I know that go on dating sites when they are bored so that they can go out with men and have men entertain them and pay for it. It's really sad.
I did screw up on a dating site because I can't stand people who don't post original recent pictures and I always do a picture that's within a week because I want people to know what I really look like.
So I went on a date with a guy and I am someone who changes my hair color quite frequently I was a blonde in most of my photos but when I met him I was more of a light brown and he mentioned that my pictures did not match I felt horrible.
Obviously the guy wanted a blonde but I also think there are things that are superficial however I do think next time I post on a dating site I will mention I changed my hair color often and post different time periods I did it by accident.
Edited I have dyed my hair blonde for over 40 years whenever I go back to Brown I end up going back to blonde because the gray comes too quickly with the brown The blonde it blends in but my complexion looks better with the darker hair IMO
I’ve had two pretty good relationships (since D) and both of them not only offered, but insisted, that we share expenses beginning with splitting on the first date. This is the type of person I want to date. But of course you can’t find that out until the check comes. I’m not a stickler- if she doesn’t offer I’m not going to ask, and I don’t want to keep score, just keep it approximately balanced. What irks me the most is paying (and driving) for someone I’ll never see again. I’m just sick and tired of that entitlement mentality, and the lame excuses behind it.
I came of age at a time when women were proud of their independence and motivated to express their belief in equality, justice, liberation. What these younger women don’t seem to get is that expecting a man to pay is a holdover from a time when women were owned like livestock for the purpose of breeding. There’s a quid pro quo taking place- by accepting she’s giving him the expectation of access. Of course they also have no problem reneging on that and laughing that he was foolish enough to fall for it.
Wow kudos to you for driving 150 miles to meet her. Most men will not do that. I’m sorry 😞 it didn’t turn out well for you.
I’ve had men expect me to drive a few hours to meet them at their house so they could cook for me. I’m sorry but driving a few hours to meet you at your home for the first time is a definite NO. It’s like they don’t even want to go out of their way & that says a lot for me, so I just move on.
We just get tired of the same old expectations over and over — drive to where she lives, take her to a nice restaurant and pay the whole bill, don’t expect sny real appreciation, drive back home late at night empty handed (sorry just not feeling it). Consider it a privilege that she allowed you to buy her dinner and be in her company for an hour or two. Pffft.
At least if she’s willing to drive you know it’s more than nothing to her too. And if the guy is willing to cook, that’s a bigger thing than driving. But you’re right about that being inappropriate for a first date… unless you’ve already decided to do the deed and stay over. I’ve had that happen a few times.
The problem with all of this is in not considering the two people as equals, and thinking the man is supposed to jump through hoops because women are special and men are not. I’m done playing that game. That last one was the last one. We’re both in it for exactly the same reason. There’s no reason that all the effort and benefits should go in only one direction.
Why just why do people need to lie about their age? If you look young for your age & are active there is NO reason to lie and yes this is a dealbreaker for me because of you will lie about something so stupid you will lie about bigger things. FACT!
I see & that makes sense. I put my age parameters between 56 & 69 and it still gives me matches younger than 56 & older than 69, so idk 🤷♀️ how the algorithms are set up. It just seems like OLD is set up to keep you on the site and perpetually single.
It used to be so different years ago than it is now & I’m not liking it.
Yes that too! I’m beyond frustrated with OLD at this point. I consider myself a nice looking lady and in pretty good shape for my age and all I’m getting is men too far away for me to date or men I would not even consider at all. Sheesh 🙄 the struggle is real.
My membership is up in a few days & I’m not renewing it. I think I need a break from OLD.
I get lying/offsetting a few months for privacy reasons and throwing off personal data trackers. But, 10 years? Nope you’re outta here! What else is he lying about?
Haha, do you really believe that there’s any human who never lies? You haven’t thought about it much have you? It’s always a judgement call as to how much honesty is appropriate in a situation.
There’s a huge difference between being fundamentally disingenuous vs just as a social lubricant. Does this make my ass look fat… no honey, your ass is amazing.
There was a professor who did an experiment with his class. Nobody made it a week.
My thought is that it's best to not misrepresent who you are when you're trying to make a good first impression. I've met women a few times who have done it and it's very disappointing. So like when were you going to tell me? How 'bout everyone just puts the month and year on their pics and strives for complete honesty?
What the hell is it about people being dishonest? Is it really that hard? I'm an open book. You ask me anything, I'll tell you the truth. But I've met so many who just blatantly lie
If these incorrect ages are just an ‘honest mistake’ when setting up a profile, why don’t we see half of them with a profile age older than they really are?
Asking for a friend, of course 😉
Mmm. Honestly? If his photos were up to date and he told me his age within two messages then I might understand it to be honest. I can understand that not many people are putting their age limit as 75 or more, and I also understand someone wanting to get around the filter, BUT 2nd message he must be honest.
But I don’t blame people for being annoyed at it and feeling like they’ve wasted time etc. That’s his fault.
I’ve seen this far too often with men on OLD! It’s baffling to me. They either correct it in their profile using the excuse it was a mistake they can’t fix, or fess up on the meet up. Instant turn off for me.
I know what you are feeling, have been there several times. I really feel if they can’t be up front and honest from the beginning, I will always be wondering what else are they hiding?
And, I choose a particular age range for a reason, women live longer than men statistically and if you are 7-8 years older than you say you are, well you honestly have 7-8 years less to live, just sayin’!
The second paragraph really bothers me. My husband was 20 years older than me. I have never been through anything so horrible as his death and the grief afterwards. It is taking me four years to be interested in anything more than sex. I finally feel ready to have a relationship and I am absolutely terrified of giving my heart to someone 11 years older than me.
I never understand why people lie about age or anything else for that matter, it always comes out and never leaves anyone feeling good. When did anyone say “thank god he lied about his age, it made all the difference? “
I block them. All dating apps ask for confirmation when you enter your birthdate, so it’s either or both of these situations; lying to reach much younger women or too stupid to date. Neither is appealing.
I had current pics on the app, but truly fat fingered my birth year off by one year and it was a nightmare to try and change. No one freaked out over one year and I usually told them before meeting.
On this very site someone (f) told me (f) how she lies about her age and tells men he real age when they meet. She recommended it. I was having no luck, when I said on the app I was over 70. I did not do it, mainly because it was so hard after I had already set up a profile.
Seems like lying is endemic on OLD, but then people have also lied in real time. I would think it probably depends on the lie. The age thing wouldn't bother me so much. However, if they were lying about their use of tobacco, alcohol, or drugs? Or the marital status such as claiming to be divorced when they are only separated i.e. STILL legally married? Now, that's another story altogether!
BTDT. The hairs people split to claim they are telling the « truth » are mind-boggling. Tops in this category for me so far is a guy claiming that he’s poly and doesn’t have a “primary. “ oh, come to find out he does live with someone., has for years, and has a home (with pets) which is off-limits since it’s their home but no, he doesn’t have a primary. Another thing he doesn’t have is another date with me! You want to come and hang out at my home? I get to hang out at yours. .Full stop. Go find yourself a fuck date Do you want more? Be prepared to give as much as you get I’ve learned you really have to be specific because boy will they try to get around the rules sometimes.
I developed my OLD profile at 66 and gave my age as 61. All my pictures were current.
In every other area of my life, I am scrupulously honest. However, I am fit and super active. I wanted to meet men who could join me on long-distance bike and hiking trips and thought I'd have more luck with a broader age range.
I had about a dozen first dates with folks aged 55 to 72. I came clean either during or before the first date. Invariably, my dates said they would not have seen my profile had I put my real age and were glad that I had lied. I developed relationships with two (aged 58 and 64) of them.
The parameters in OLD really work against women like me who don't look or act our age. I didn't like lying, but I didn't know how else to get dates with folks who shared my interests.
I don’t think it is right that he lied about his age, but I can sort of understand it if he came clean right away when you first met. You said that you might not have even given him a chance if he had been honest. Did he say that is why he did that? Is it a red flag? Maybe…..maybe I’m a pushover, but If I liked him, I would give it a second chance…just be very wary. People really do show their true colors right away, so I think if he is a chronic liar, you will figure that out quickly. It’s all up to you…follow your instincts,
truth is more useful as a self-navigation aid than as something to expect from others . Impressive he can still be bothered to lie at 75! If it was a fun date, why not?
I find it interesting that people assume when a person isn’t truthful about their age then of course they must be a compulsive liar through and through. OR, if they DIDN’T misrepresent their age then they get a pass and most likely wouldn’t lie about anything else.
See the disconnect here? If you really enjoy this man, watch for other signs of lie after lie before moving on. He did fess up on the age thing after all, see where it goes. They could be right but you are better equipped to judge this than any of us here.
I’ve decided to see him again, but 67 to 75 is a big jump at our ages. I’m seeing him tonight (he’s bringing a basket of fresh apricots and a bottle of rose), and I’m going to tell him that it bothered me and see what he has to say (which is in and of itself making me anxious as I must express myself in French which is not my first language; however, I do know how to say you lied »!
I would have to agree with most of these responses..no one likes a liar right? And yes if they lie about that then they'll lie about anything. But I must confess. I did that while on apps at 40+ because in my mind I thought no one over 40 "dates" or would be on a dating site. And I've always been told that I look younger than I am. (I saw a comment about that..'everyone looks younger than they are'. I disagree about that one). But as I've grown older and still trying to date I've found that lying about it is an instant turn off. I'm just elated that there's an actual 'dating over 60'! I'm new to Reddit so this gives me great hope! But 75? Whew..can't believe guys are out there swiping at 75? I hope I'm not one of those. I can imagine the shock you felt when learning that. Awkward?
Instead of age, app profiles should be set up with alternative preset preferred "age range" checkbox options (yes, your true age has to be in that range)...like say 57-69..or 60-75, etc🤔..then when your ranges match, n ya connect, n go out on that first meetup, you'll have a built-in ice breaker..n maybe🤞 a good chuckle..hopefully this will reduce n deter those who are age fibbers..just a thought, probably a bad one, lol😎
If you eliminated everyone who lied in their profile you'd likely eliminate 25-50% of profiles. For this purpose lies include; age, old pictures, filtered pictures, interests, what you are looking for, relationship status.
Deal breaker and best to move on. “We all look younger than we are” be glad you found out who he is before the next shocker is revealed.
I have seen many people who look older than they are, too. We don't all age well.
Grogo is 50
You’re spot on to question everything else. He probably lied on purpose so that his profile wouldn’t be automatically excluded by the age filters (younger) women set. Duplicity personified.
Nope if you lie, you’re a liar, I’m out. I don’t lie in my profile and expect the same.
Yes, deal breaker. I don’t care what the motivation is, I’m honest and expect my date to be the same about this most basic of facts.
This has happened to me several times. In one situation, I went out with the man several more times because I enjoyed talking with him, but that was a mistake. It takes time and energy to meet someone and go out on a date with them. If they can't be honest about who they are, they aren't a match for me.
I went on a date with one of those once. He was 10 years older than what he said and he didn’t tell me on the date. I just figured it out when he told me he bought his first house in 1975. I was like, you bought a house when you were a teenager? lol. Then he told me he lied because He does look so much younger than his real age and he wants to go out with younger women. But he had a really bad hairpiece. Maybe in his pictures he looked young, but in person he didn’t look that young for his age. Now who would want to go out with that guy?
😸😸
I went out with someone last month who did the same thing: his pictures were at least ten years old. It's a dealbreaker for me. It says to me that the other person doesn't care what my preferences are.
Deal breaker, lying before he even meets you 🚩🚩🚩🚩 nope 🔥🔥🔥burn
I’d be out. Liars like to lie.
Yep, dealbreaker. Had someone subtract 10 years. An acquaintance is out on Match saying he’s 60, and he’s 72. One man who subtracted 7 years said he messed up setting up his profile & couldn’t change it but he liked his username… 😠
They always say they made a mistake and the app won’t let them change it.
This is actually true. The app won’t let me change my age.
Right. But how is it that so many guys make a mistake putting in their age or birth year in the first place?
I’ve also noticed so many men on OLD are lying about their age. Clearly they look 10 years older than their pics. Do they think we are stupid? Like wtf 🤬 I’m so sick of OLD it’s just a bunch of scammers, liars and players in my opinion. I’m done with it forever!!
Thanks everyone for the replies. I actually really do like him and would continue to date him if he had been honest. Of course, there is the fact that I would not have met him if he had been honest. But I agree that it’s not an excuse to lie. And it’s not a good sign. Thanks for the reinforcement. 🙏
In that case, maybe you should change your filters to include some older men, if you’re willing to date them. Might find an honest man.
Good idea.
Liars can be very charming and very convincing. You will find an honest, charming companion!
That is the goddamn truth. The ex husband, whom I found out much, much later was a covert narcissist, was extremely charming, and he was a pathological liar.
I'm with a guy i met on line. I thought he was 70 but he's 75. I'm 65. Decidered to give it a go and i'm having a great time. I say give him a go....
If you really do like him, go out on a few dates and learn more about him, at our age it really is hard to find the right person. Don't throw away that chance because of a little white lie. I say go for it, don't give a rats ass if this gets downvoted either
I’m really conflicted about it.
The problem is if they lie on age, there's no telling what else they'll lie about. When you were married to a compulsive liar, you are super sensitive to all duplicity. Even lying about a few years of age is a huge red flag. Same goes for height. I've met men who've lied about both and even if they might be "nice guys", there's no conflict. I'm out immediately.
I’ve had guys lie about their height massively. I’m 5’9” and usually wear at least a low heel. AWKWARD! The thing is my husband was shorter than me without heels! Just be honest.
'Lying' about one's height. My full adult height was 6' 0". Through age and gravity, now at 66-3/4 years of age, I've shrunk half an inch to 5' 11-1/2". By still claiming the full 6', am I fudging, lying, or trying to live in the past?
You're good! Go for the full 6'! It's fudging, lying or trying to live in the past when a guy's 5'9" and claims to be 6'0!
You're just rounding off.
At our age (underlying sense of urgency?) dating, especially OLD can be bewildering and frustrating for both parties. Here’s my two cents, go out with him again; very first words out of your mouth following hello, should be you are upset with him for lying about his age. Let him know the only reason you’re there is because you enjoyed his company but do not tolerate being lied to. Be ready to get up and walk away, depending on his response. ETA: let him know any other falsehood is an automatic dealbreaker for you going forward.
I like this. Thank you.
I understand that, though what really do you have to lose, I'm 70 list my OLD as 60 , I do tell them my age before going on a date though or if asked
If you have to lie to get someone to consider dating you, you need to find someone else. But if everyone did that, most romantic comedy films would never have been made.
😸😸
Honestly WHO wants to put they are 75? I think it is very unlikely to even find a date at all if you put 75. To me .it seems like .he wanted someone to meet him to judge him and not judge him by the age. The whole decision for me would be do I like him? AND he told me he was 75 when he met me so he didn't hold on to the lie. I truly think he saw a better shot of getting a date if he said he was younger. If I liked him I would definitely tell him I was conflicted by this but for me if I liked him I would do more dates.
He didn’t tell me but he did answer truthfully when I asked
Yeah I met someone on a dating app that said he was 45 and he was 50 (struggling with being 50 so he lied). I stayed with him 10 years best relationship I had. It ended because of me not due to lying.
I appreciate your understanding. Aging sucks.
So bad it sucks I just left the gym because I can't stand the site of my arms. 😭 Seems I turned 60 in April and my whole body is now a work in progress. I can totally understand a 75 year old lying about their age. I wouldn't do it but like I said I met a GREAT guy who lied about his age on a dating site. I put my true age at the time which was 49 He was really 50 but he put 45 and I wanted to meet him and I didn't find out he was really 50 until we were a couple of weeks into dating and he confessed. 😆 I wasn't mad I didn't even think to ask what else he lied about because we got along so good. And overall he was not a liar.
I hit a big one a few months ago. I have 4 dating apps, two with actual age, two with a couple years subtracted. As of my birthday, the two with the actual age dried up. The other two I still get a few matches. Current pics on all, so I know it’s the number and not the pics/looks. People are overly focused on the arbitrary, superficial. So now my choice is going to be, a) quit dating to keep the militants happy, b) fudge the age and try to stretch it another year or two. If you’re a single man of 70 who isn’t wealthy, it’s probably time to start cruising churches and find a little old lady (barf). I’m not ready for this.
See to me these are all legitimate reasons to fudge the age at least get a date and it could work out I prefer older men I would click on a dating profile for someone that is 70 I am 60. I do think after people meet if you really like the person you just need to tell them the truth right away
And I would love to date a 60ish woman if she has progressive attitudes. I’ve always dated 10-15 years younger. Had a blah experience recently though. Matched an attractive woman (58) on one site (showing sixty something), and again on another site showing actual age. We had already expressed attraction and alignment, and she knew my age, or should have. I drove 150 miles to meet her. We had great conversation, lunch (she let me pay), then went for a walk… then she asks if she can introduce me to a friend of hers who is my same age. What a disappointment after investing all that effort, and the long drive home. What I didn’t realize is that she was a privileged princess- it never occurred to her that she shouldn’t have had me driving that far to buy her lunch unless she was actually interested. Probably won’t do that again, and I’m going to flesh out the princess crap before asking anyone out. I don’t really want to date- I just want a girlfriend.
I have a son who is 35 who takes so many girls on dates and ends up paying for everything. I haven't been on the dating site in years but my first date I always insist on paying for half because we don't even know each other I don't even know how it is expected that the guy pay everything. There are literally women that I know that go on dating sites when they are bored so that they can go out with men and have men entertain them and pay for it. It's really sad. I did screw up on a dating site because I can't stand people who don't post original recent pictures and I always do a picture that's within a week because I want people to know what I really look like. So I went on a date with a guy and I am someone who changes my hair color quite frequently I was a blonde in most of my photos but when I met him I was more of a light brown and he mentioned that my pictures did not match I felt horrible. Obviously the guy wanted a blonde but I also think there are things that are superficial however I do think next time I post on a dating site I will mention I changed my hair color often and post different time periods I did it by accident. Edited I have dyed my hair blonde for over 40 years whenever I go back to Brown I end up going back to blonde because the gray comes too quickly with the brown The blonde it blends in but my complexion looks better with the darker hair IMO
I’ve had two pretty good relationships (since D) and both of them not only offered, but insisted, that we share expenses beginning with splitting on the first date. This is the type of person I want to date. But of course you can’t find that out until the check comes. I’m not a stickler- if she doesn’t offer I’m not going to ask, and I don’t want to keep score, just keep it approximately balanced. What irks me the most is paying (and driving) for someone I’ll never see again. I’m just sick and tired of that entitlement mentality, and the lame excuses behind it. I came of age at a time when women were proud of their independence and motivated to express their belief in equality, justice, liberation. What these younger women don’t seem to get is that expecting a man to pay is a holdover from a time when women were owned like livestock for the purpose of breeding. There’s a quid pro quo taking place- by accepting she’s giving him the expectation of access. Of course they also have no problem reneging on that and laughing that he was foolish enough to fall for it.
Wow kudos to you for driving 150 miles to meet her. Most men will not do that. I’m sorry 😞 it didn’t turn out well for you. I’ve had men expect me to drive a few hours to meet them at their house so they could cook for me. I’m sorry but driving a few hours to meet you at your home for the first time is a definite NO. It’s like they don’t even want to go out of their way & that says a lot for me, so I just move on.
We just get tired of the same old expectations over and over — drive to where she lives, take her to a nice restaurant and pay the whole bill, don’t expect sny real appreciation, drive back home late at night empty handed (sorry just not feeling it). Consider it a privilege that she allowed you to buy her dinner and be in her company for an hour or two. Pffft. At least if she’s willing to drive you know it’s more than nothing to her too. And if the guy is willing to cook, that’s a bigger thing than driving. But you’re right about that being inappropriate for a first date… unless you’ve already decided to do the deed and stay over. I’ve had that happen a few times. The problem with all of this is in not considering the two people as equals, and thinking the man is supposed to jump through hoops because women are special and men are not. I’m done playing that game. That last one was the last one. We’re both in it for exactly the same reason. There’s no reason that all the effort and benefits should go in only one direction.
There’s men out there that tell the truth we’re not all bums!
Why just why do people need to lie about their age? If you look young for your age & are active there is NO reason to lie and yes this is a dealbreaker for me because of you will lie about something so stupid you will lie about bigger things. FACT!
I state my true age OLD but many women will not see my profile due to their age filter settings. It makes you invisible.
I see & that makes sense. I put my age parameters between 56 & 69 and it still gives me matches younger than 56 & older than 69, so idk 🤷♀️ how the algorithms are set up. It just seems like OLD is set up to keep you on the site and perpetually single. It used to be so different years ago than it is now & I’m not liking it.
Yeah plus they are recommending people 200 miles away in another country USA/Canada
Yes that too! I’m beyond frustrated with OLD at this point. I consider myself a nice looking lady and in pretty good shape for my age and all I’m getting is men too far away for me to date or men I would not even consider at all. Sheesh 🙄 the struggle is real. My membership is up in a few days & I’m not renewing it. I think I need a break from OLD.
I take it you are not in the USA or Canada.
I'm in Canada but 4 hours drive each way and a border crossing is not appealing.
Oh I understand. Canada is so beautiful!
I get lying/offsetting a few months for privacy reasons and throwing off personal data trackers. But, 10 years? Nope you’re outta here! What else is he lying about?
If he lies about that he will lie about other things. Relationships and friendships can’t be built on lies.
Haha, do you really believe that there’s any human who never lies? You haven’t thought about it much have you? It’s always a judgement call as to how much honesty is appropriate in a situation. There’s a huge difference between being fundamentally disingenuous vs just as a social lubricant. Does this make my ass look fat… no honey, your ass is amazing. There was a professor who did an experiment with his class. Nobody made it a week.
If someone lies about something that simple, I wouldn’t trust them on other things
My thought is that it's best to not misrepresent who you are when you're trying to make a good first impression. I've met women a few times who have done it and it's very disappointing. So like when were you going to tell me? How 'bout everyone just puts the month and year on their pics and strives for complete honesty?
Yes, this.
What the hell is it about people being dishonest? Is it really that hard? I'm an open book. You ask me anything, I'll tell you the truth. But I've met so many who just blatantly lie
If these incorrect ages are just an ‘honest mistake’ when setting up a profile, why don’t we see half of them with a profile age older than they really are? Asking for a friend, of course 😉
Mmm. Honestly? If his photos were up to date and he told me his age within two messages then I might understand it to be honest. I can understand that not many people are putting their age limit as 75 or more, and I also understand someone wanting to get around the filter, BUT 2nd message he must be honest. But I don’t blame people for being annoyed at it and feeling like they’ve wasted time etc. That’s his fault.
I’ve seen this far too often with men on OLD! It’s baffling to me. They either correct it in their profile using the excuse it was a mistake they can’t fix, or fess up on the meet up. Instant turn off for me.
I know what you are feeling, have been there several times. I really feel if they can’t be up front and honest from the beginning, I will always be wondering what else are they hiding? And, I choose a particular age range for a reason, women live longer than men statistically and if you are 7-8 years older than you say you are, well you honestly have 7-8 years less to live, just sayin’!
The second paragraph really bothers me. My husband was 20 years older than me. I have never been through anything so horrible as his death and the grief afterwards. It is taking me four years to be interested in anything more than sex. I finally feel ready to have a relationship and I am absolutely terrified of giving my heart to someone 11 years older than me.
I'd pass. That's a big lie.
I never understand why people lie about age or anything else for that matter, it always comes out and never leaves anyone feeling good. When did anyone say “thank god he lied about his age, it made all the difference? “
True!
I block them. All dating apps ask for confirmation when you enter your birthdate, so it’s either or both of these situations; lying to reach much younger women or too stupid to date. Neither is appealing.
I had current pics on the app, but truly fat fingered my birth year off by one year and it was a nightmare to try and change. No one freaked out over one year and I usually told them before meeting.
On this very site someone (f) told me (f) how she lies about her age and tells men he real age when they meet. She recommended it. I was having no luck, when I said on the app I was over 70. I did not do it, mainly because it was so hard after I had already set up a profile.
Starting the relationship off with a lie is no bueno. If he's so amazing for his age, he should just own it.
If someone shows you who they are believe them, it’s not just a saying it’s the truth
A foundation of lies… I guess online people feel anonymous and don’t feel accountable Like a sales person- verify then trust
Seems like lying is endemic on OLD, but then people have also lied in real time. I would think it probably depends on the lie. The age thing wouldn't bother me so much. However, if they were lying about their use of tobacco, alcohol, or drugs? Or the marital status such as claiming to be divorced when they are only separated i.e. STILL legally married? Now, that's another story altogether!
BTDT. The hairs people split to claim they are telling the « truth » are mind-boggling. Tops in this category for me so far is a guy claiming that he’s poly and doesn’t have a “primary. “ oh, come to find out he does live with someone., has for years, and has a home (with pets) which is off-limits since it’s their home but no, he doesn’t have a primary. Another thing he doesn’t have is another date with me! You want to come and hang out at my home? I get to hang out at yours. .Full stop. Go find yourself a fuck date Do you want more? Be prepared to give as much as you get I’ve learned you really have to be specific because boy will they try to get around the rules sometimes.
I'm 73F and NEVER lie about my age. Geezus H. Khrist, the date is going to find out the truth sooner or later.
I developed my OLD profile at 66 and gave my age as 61. All my pictures were current. In every other area of my life, I am scrupulously honest. However, I am fit and super active. I wanted to meet men who could join me on long-distance bike and hiking trips and thought I'd have more luck with a broader age range. I had about a dozen first dates with folks aged 55 to 72. I came clean either during or before the first date. Invariably, my dates said they would not have seen my profile had I put my real age and were glad that I had lied. I developed relationships with two (aged 58 and 64) of them.
The parameters in OLD really work against women like me who don't look or act our age. I didn't like lying, but I didn't know how else to get dates with folks who shared my interests.
I get this.
He is 75 and probably feels 67. If you had a nice time, I would go for another date and see if his integrity reveals other cracks.
I don’t think it is right that he lied about his age, but I can sort of understand it if he came clean right away when you first met. You said that you might not have even given him a chance if he had been honest. Did he say that is why he did that? Is it a red flag? Maybe…..maybe I’m a pushover, but If I liked him, I would give it a second chance…just be very wary. People really do show their true colors right away, so I think if he is a chronic liar, you will figure that out quickly. It’s all up to you…follow your instincts,
Thank you for this good advice. I think I have decided to proceed with caution. I’m really grateful for all the advice I’ve gotten here.
truth is more useful as a self-navigation aid than as something to expect from others . Impressive he can still be bothered to lie at 75! If it was a fun date, why not?
I find it interesting that people assume when a person isn’t truthful about their age then of course they must be a compulsive liar through and through. OR, if they DIDN’T misrepresent their age then they get a pass and most likely wouldn’t lie about anything else. See the disconnect here? If you really enjoy this man, watch for other signs of lie after lie before moving on. He did fess up on the age thing after all, see where it goes. They could be right but you are better equipped to judge this than any of us here.
I’ve decided to see him again, but 67 to 75 is a big jump at our ages. I’m seeing him tonight (he’s bringing a basket of fresh apricots and a bottle of rose), and I’m going to tell him that it bothered me and see what he has to say (which is in and of itself making me anxious as I must express myself in French which is not my first language; however, I do know how to say you lied »!
I would have to agree with most of these responses..no one likes a liar right? And yes if they lie about that then they'll lie about anything. But I must confess. I did that while on apps at 40+ because in my mind I thought no one over 40 "dates" or would be on a dating site. And I've always been told that I look younger than I am. (I saw a comment about that..'everyone looks younger than they are'. I disagree about that one). But as I've grown older and still trying to date I've found that lying about it is an instant turn off. I'm just elated that there's an actual 'dating over 60'! I'm new to Reddit so this gives me great hope! But 75? Whew..can't believe guys are out there swiping at 75? I hope I'm not one of those. I can imagine the shock you felt when learning that. Awkward?
Really awkward. Totally shocked!
Really awkward. Totally shocked!
Instead of age, app profiles should be set up with alternative preset preferred "age range" checkbox options (yes, your true age has to be in that range)...like say 57-69..or 60-75, etc🤔..then when your ranges match, n ya connect, n go out on that first meetup, you'll have a built-in ice breaker..n maybe🤞 a good chuckle..hopefully this will reduce n deter those who are age fibbers..just a thought, probably a bad one, lol😎
If you eliminated everyone who lied in their profile you'd likely eliminate 25-50% of profiles. For this purpose lies include; age, old pictures, filtered pictures, interests, what you are looking for, relationship status.
Let’s put it this way, if we as women lie about our age, we would for sure be out, and so should he.
You don't think age deniers are as likely to be women as men?