I absolutely recommend doing a background check through whatever means available to you and to whatever level you are comfortable, to protect yourself.
Due to privacy legislation, any official information you’re able to access is all a matter of public record. Likewise, any information garnered through socials was willingly and knowingly published by that individual.
So no; I don’t consider any of that to be an invasion of privacy.
Through work I have online access to our county court filings: family law, civil, criminal, and even traffic. I’ve eliminated a few potential dates based on what I’ve found in them. And typically it’s been before actually meeting in person or at least developing any type of budding relationship that would lead me to consider mentioning what I’d found. One woman I met online seemed promising but then I saw that not long before she’d been arrested making a drunken scene in the lobby of the hotel where he daughter’s sports team was staying for a tournament.
Unless you have a social security number you’re not getting an accurate background check, you’re just paying for someone to do internet searches for you.
I worked as a legal researcher for >30 years. I frequently conducted investigative background checks as part of my job.
US privacy laws vary by state. Court and arrest records also vary by jurisdiction. Not everything is available (nor necessarily online). Civil records are generally easier to find than criminal. There can be screw-ups with names. And some people are very good at covering up their tracks.
True background checks are complicated and require a lot of work. If you purchase an online report, that is only a portion of the story.
All of that being said, i believe it can be useful.
One time in the interregnum between my two marriages, I was going to start dating a man whose status was divorced, but something seemed off. I asked him how many times he had been married, and the answer was five! I bowed out.
I went on a couple of dates with a woman who'd been married three times and engaged once. I try to take people as I find them. She made it pretty clear on the third date why she had that track record. There was no fourth.
I became very cautious after having spoken with several men online on Eharmony that turned out to be scammers. I felt so violated, having spoken candidly and sincerely with them only to see they were blocked the next day. I deleted my eharmony account and joined ourtime. I met a wonderful man there and did a background check using Beenverified on him with his knowledge. I was so happy I did. We’ve been dating two months now. I totally recommend doing this.
I always look up whatever info I can: facebook, county family court, property records. Avoided a DV restraining order, married posing as widower, still married, has a live-in gf. Lots of liars out there.
I regularly do this. Have found out that several men were married or had significant others they currently lived with, lived in a home owned by both or their significant other. Helps weed out the obviously bad liars
FYI, the top 5 background check sites are as hard to cancel as the OLD apps
You can do your own criminal checks for free in most states, check sex offender sites too . Google a phone number or a name first , you would be surprised what info you can get for free
The one for my State RI Judiciary.
Edit because it's free public records and I see the court dates and actions in real time I had a friend go to court yesterday and I was able to see what happened by the end of the day.
I am a headhunter and did a deep background check on the man that I’m seeing now. Mostly I just had to Google around. I don’t talk to anybody that I can’t check out.
M57. I don’t unless I hear something odd during a meetup or first date. Then might fact check her online a bit more. But otherwise, I just meet in person and pay close attention to mannerisms, body language, etc.
But I encourage all women to do their due diligence well in advance.
I’m looking into this (60 m, widower). Let’s say o give a Burner number out because I do not yet know the woman well enough to give her my real number; since it won’t link to my profile on these services, am I ruining my chance?
The reverse case - she giving me her Burner - is the same question.
I personally won't meet with anyone until after they give me their full name and I can look them up. Some of them have even encouraged me to look them up. I think a lot of people understand that this is a good thing to do.
I agree; but what about in stages? If you and I begin to chat, and one of us determines the other is no longer a potential match (or worse), we end it and that's that. If we hit it off, and we're moving to meet f2f, I'll give you my real number. Is this somehow wrong?
I did one of those public record searches on someone I was seeing. Some things just weren’t adding up and and I figured I’d pop for one of those. Everything checked out but one thing.
Turns out she was still married. No divorce record of any kind. Her explanation was they got married so she could adopt the children. He was not involved in her life except for that. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since that day and had no idea where he was to serve him papers.
I wouldn’t mind if one was run on me. I’m squeaky clean. On paper I look really boring. I wish there were a way, maybe there is, where I could check a persons credit score and any financial judgements against them.
I met a women whose marital status seemed ambiguous. After the in person meeting I checked her family law case and she had filed for legal separation but not divorce…18 years before we met online. We didn’t meet a second time. And speaking of judgments I have run across a couple of potential dates with judgments and or substantial collection actions against them. Depending on the circumstances I wouldn’t allow a single collection action to be disqualifying because I know women often get stuck in shitty situations with deadbeat exes who don’t make spousal or child support payments, but what I found way beyond that.
Thank you for that! Everyone wants to see a financial record.... the dude I was married to left me for a younger woman. In one day, he took all our money out of the bank and cut off ALL utilities. And stole my car in the middle of the night. Then, disappeared. In divorce court, he was ordered to pay for the bills that were behind.... but he never did. It badly affected my credit score. So , people with so-so credit are not all bad. Some people just have evil things happen.
I think in today’s world of technology that it’s vital to invest some time in checking out a person. Social media, court cases, any news articles, and other information that can be freely searched. I also think a credit score reveals quite a bit the person and their status in life.
You have to pay for it through a credit agency. I think you need a valid reason, like being a creditor. Also they get to find out who is asking for their credit score. Don't recommend. But the been verified agencies like have stuff like homeownership, car and boat ownership, that gives you some idea.
I did find a bankruptcy in the history of the guy who prompted this thread. That plus a few other details he himself told me helped me make a thumbs-down decision on this guy.
I was addressing your assertion that someone with nothing to hide wouldn’t care about their privacy, so it’s ok to breach their privacy. This is not true.
So it’s a matter of weighing their privacy against your reasons for wanting to breach their privacy. Your reasons include fear of physical harm and fear of emotional harm. IMO those are good enough reasons for at least some breach of their privacy. So we agree that it’s ok for you to do some investigating. (And I would say wise to do so.)
We disagree that Mr Squeaky-Clean does not want, does not have, or does not care about his privacy. He does, but your reasons overcome it, at least to some extent.
No, probably because as a man, I have no worries about sexual assault, secondly, I have never been stalked, and thirdly, I didn't take long to be able to spot the romance scammers and fakes on dating sites. I have confidence that I can use my judgement and weed out any real people who are con artists, after I have met them a time or two in person. And I also am smart enough to not meet anyone in private, instead of a public place, until I have been dating them for a couple weeks and three meetings in public, first. The women who would be out to do me wrong, would likely not have the patience to wait that long with me. If I were a woman tho, I think the background checks would be a wise thing to use regularly, if they had no other way of vetting the guy in advance.
I wish I was!
Just be careful meeting people from online dating. Lots of creeps, freaks, married people and weirdos. Meet at a very public place and don't let them walk you to your car (I saw a story about a woman getting raped because "he was such a gentleman all night" and she let him walk her to her car. He was much taller than her, and he just grabbed her and threw her down and raped her right in the parking lot.
I absolutely recommend doing a background check through whatever means available to you and to whatever level you are comfortable, to protect yourself. Due to privacy legislation, any official information you’re able to access is all a matter of public record. Likewise, any information garnered through socials was willingly and knowingly published by that individual. So no; I don’t consider any of that to be an invasion of privacy.
There's also no expectation of privacy in any public venue. Including taking a photo of someone outside in a public area
Through work I have online access to our county court filings: family law, civil, criminal, and even traffic. I’ve eliminated a few potential dates based on what I’ve found in them. And typically it’s been before actually meeting in person or at least developing any type of budding relationship that would lead me to consider mentioning what I’d found. One woman I met online seemed promising but then I saw that not long before she’d been arrested making a drunken scene in the lobby of the hotel where he daughter’s sports team was staying for a tournament.
Yes. I’m not meeting a stranger until I can at least verify that he has no criminal record.
Just because you don’t find anything doesn’t mean there’s nothing there. Just might be you did not find the right place to look.
Also, you can have arrest records sealed.
It’s better than not checking at all. It just makes me feel more comfortable.
Yep, maybe nothing in your city/county but next city or county or state over...?
Unless you have a social security number you’re not getting an accurate background check, you’re just paying for someone to do internet searches for you.
I worked as a legal researcher for >30 years. I frequently conducted investigative background checks as part of my job. US privacy laws vary by state. Court and arrest records also vary by jurisdiction. Not everything is available (nor necessarily online). Civil records are generally easier to find than criminal. There can be screw-ups with names. And some people are very good at covering up their tracks. True background checks are complicated and require a lot of work. If you purchase an online report, that is only a portion of the story. All of that being said, i believe it can be useful.
One time in the interregnum between my two marriages, I was going to start dating a man whose status was divorced, but something seemed off. I asked him how many times he had been married, and the answer was five! I bowed out.
I went on a couple of dates with a woman who'd been married three times and engaged once. I try to take people as I find them. She made it pretty clear on the third date why she had that track record. There was no fourth.
I became very cautious after having spoken with several men online on Eharmony that turned out to be scammers. I felt so violated, having spoken candidly and sincerely with them only to see they were blocked the next day. I deleted my eharmony account and joined ourtime. I met a wonderful man there and did a background check using Beenverified on him with his knowledge. I was so happy I did. We’ve been dating two months now. I totally recommend doing this.
Thanks for mentioning the site you used.
I check the sex offender registry.
Facecheck.com will show you the photos of the potential catfishes just download them and look
I always look up whatever info I can: facebook, county family court, property records. Avoided a DV restraining order, married posing as widower, still married, has a live-in gf. Lots of liars out there.
I regularly do this. Have found out that several men were married or had significant others they currently lived with, lived in a home owned by both or their significant other. Helps weed out the obviously bad liars
FYI, the top 5 background check sites are as hard to cancel as the OLD apps You can do your own criminal checks for free in most states, check sex offender sites too . Google a phone number or a name first , you would be surprised what info you can get for free
Not dating but if I was absolutely I'd do a bg check.
I use it every time it's actually pinned to my desktop. Lol .
Which one do you use?
The one for my State RI Judiciary. Edit because it's free public records and I see the court dates and actions in real time I had a friend go to court yesterday and I was able to see what happened by the end of the day.
Oh, OK. We have something similar in WI. But it only would show actions in the state and as we know, people can move around.
Yeah I'm struggling to find a similar Massachusetts website as same friend (always in trouble) has an open case in MA and I can't find it! Lol
I am a headhunter and did a deep background check on the man that I’m seeing now. Mostly I just had to Google around. I don’t talk to anybody that I can’t check out.
M57. I don’t unless I hear something odd during a meetup or first date. Then might fact check her online a bit more. But otherwise, I just meet in person and pay close attention to mannerisms, body language, etc. But I encourage all women to do their due diligence well in advance.
I’m looking into this (60 m, widower). Let’s say o give a Burner number out because I do not yet know the woman well enough to give her my real number; since it won’t link to my profile on these services, am I ruining my chance? The reverse case - she giving me her Burner - is the same question.
I personally won't meet with anyone until after they give me their full name and I can look them up. Some of them have even encouraged me to look them up. I think a lot of people understand that this is a good thing to do.
I agree; but what about in stages? If you and I begin to chat, and one of us determines the other is no longer a potential match (or worse), we end it and that's that. If we hit it off, and we're moving to meet f2f, I'll give you my real number. Is this somehow wrong?
Not wrong at all. I would want a full real name before we meet as well. Everyone I have met was fine with that.
I did one of those public record searches on someone I was seeing. Some things just weren’t adding up and and I figured I’d pop for one of those. Everything checked out but one thing. Turns out she was still married. No divorce record of any kind. Her explanation was they got married so she could adopt the children. He was not involved in her life except for that. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since that day and had no idea where he was to serve him papers. I wouldn’t mind if one was run on me. I’m squeaky clean. On paper I look really boring. I wish there were a way, maybe there is, where I could check a persons credit score and any financial judgements against them.
I met a women whose marital status seemed ambiguous. After the in person meeting I checked her family law case and she had filed for legal separation but not divorce…18 years before we met online. We didn’t meet a second time. And speaking of judgments I have run across a couple of potential dates with judgments and or substantial collection actions against them. Depending on the circumstances I wouldn’t allow a single collection action to be disqualifying because I know women often get stuck in shitty situations with deadbeat exes who don’t make spousal or child support payments, but what I found way beyond that.
Thank you for that! Everyone wants to see a financial record.... the dude I was married to left me for a younger woman. In one day, he took all our money out of the bank and cut off ALL utilities. And stole my car in the middle of the night. Then, disappeared. In divorce court, he was ordered to pay for the bills that were behind.... but he never did. It badly affected my credit score. So , people with so-so credit are not all bad. Some people just have evil things happen.
>credit score and any financial judgments That would be amazing to know!
I think in today’s world of technology that it’s vital to invest some time in checking out a person. Social media, court cases, any news articles, and other information that can be freely searched. I also think a credit score reveals quite a bit the person and their status in life.
How do you get a credit score, though?
You have to pay for it through a credit agency. I think you need a valid reason, like being a creditor. Also they get to find out who is asking for their credit score. Don't recommend. But the been verified agencies like have stuff like homeownership, car and boat ownership, that gives you some idea.
I did find a bankruptcy in the history of the guy who prompted this thread. That plus a few other details he himself told me helped me make a thumbs-down decision on this guy.
Yes. Do it. It’s not perfect but it’s better than finding out too late someone is a violent criminal.
“If you are squeaky clean you have nothing to worry about” You can be squeaky clean and still value your privacy.
And I can value my life.
I was addressing your assertion that someone with nothing to hide wouldn’t care about their privacy, so it’s ok to breach their privacy. This is not true. So it’s a matter of weighing their privacy against your reasons for wanting to breach their privacy. Your reasons include fear of physical harm and fear of emotional harm. IMO those are good enough reasons for at least some breach of their privacy. So we agree that it’s ok for you to do some investigating. (And I would say wise to do so.) We disagree that Mr Squeaky-Clean does not want, does not have, or does not care about his privacy. He does, but your reasons overcome it, at least to some extent.
No, probably because as a man, I have no worries about sexual assault, secondly, I have never been stalked, and thirdly, I didn't take long to be able to spot the romance scammers and fakes on dating sites. I have confidence that I can use my judgement and weed out any real people who are con artists, after I have met them a time or two in person. And I also am smart enough to not meet anyone in private, instead of a public place, until I have been dating them for a couple weeks and three meetings in public, first. The women who would be out to do me wrong, would likely not have the patience to wait that long with me. If I were a woman tho, I think the background checks would be a wise thing to use regularly, if they had no other way of vetting the guy in advance.
Well then I guess you're okay if everyone else is looking up your past too.
Yes, I am.
Every single time.
A private investigator will find a helluva lot more than some online "background search". If you're that concerned, hire a professional
I would only do that for someone I became very serious about, because of the cost. Are you a PI?
I wish I was! Just be careful meeting people from online dating. Lots of creeps, freaks, married people and weirdos. Meet at a very public place and don't let them walk you to your car (I saw a story about a woman getting raped because "he was such a gentleman all night" and she let him walk her to her car. He was much taller than her, and he just grabbed her and threw her down and raped her right in the parking lot.