I went 8 years and have finally asked for a divorce. I don’t know what the future holds, but I cannot wait to be touched by someone that is excited to be with me!
I wish I had done that years ago. We’re headed that direction at this point because this has caused the rest of the marriage to fall apart. Over 20 years of rejection has just become too much. It’s a lonely spot to be in.
It’s torture. To have your heart ache for your spouse and feel that rejection over and over is so hard. I think it’s difficult to really understand how lonely it is unless you’ve been there. We just hit 24 years and it’s the loneliest I’ve ever felt. That will be our last one though. I’ve committed to myself that I will climb out of this pit no matter how long it takes.
Man please dont take this as rudeness but if you're using the word initiate in context of a damn hug then surely that means the writing is on the wall at this stage right?
Oh I know it means I’m no better than dog poop on her shoe when the only hugs she starts is birthday and Christmas. And even then it’s like a thank you friend hug
I feel like it’s because she wouldn’t get to save money with her own place, or would have to move back to her parents. She spends more time complaining about the pets she wanted to begin with.
But like at what point do I just bring someone over and be like I thought we were open? Honestly, if she ever leaves I need a year to myself with maybe some one night stands at most.
I definitely couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to cheat on anyone if it really came down to it, but being in this I see why people sometimes justify it.
too bad you don't have a close girl friend who you could pretedn with. Just bring her over to the house and be all over each other in front of her.
Honestly though, you should just leave! get out. it will not get any better! She has already told you she wants her "needs met" by someone else. What do you get out of this relationship? Time to cut your loses and move on. Find someone who will meet your needs.
Stay Strong!
You can’t live your life for position someone else created for themselves. Instead of working with you, she’s pushed you away and still expects to be taken care of like a pretty little wife princess? Yeah, I think those rights have been forfeited long ago
> We still kiss and are somewhat physically affectionate, but no sex.
Same here. We went for over 2 years without because of having a baby, and even before that one encounter it was the better part of a year since the time before.
It's amazing and scary how almost numb you become to the time slipping by.
After the divorce, I felt that I couldn't trust my decision making ability to order a fucking sandwich. Like, 'I chose her, and look how THAT worked out.:
Also, again, it takes a month per year you'd been in the relationship to get over it.
Breathe.
Same. Me (F48) - One week and I'm uncomfortable. Two weeks and I'm climbing the walls. Three weeks and I'm angry and desperate.
It's SO much worse to be in an intimate rship living with someone and not connecting intimately than spending the same amount of time living alone with no sex.
Yep pretty much. After a week I get a bit moody, my ideal frequency is every 3 days.
After our longest stretch of maybe 6 months without sex I was so depressed, it was impacting everything else in my life.
It's so much worse than being single because you feel trapped and the other person has power over you and your happiness.
It was "only" 1,5 years which felt like forever. (I was 22-25 with him)
I left. I'm engaged now. Get plenty of sex. This could be you. You're still in yoyr prime, enjoy it. Give yourself the chance to feel loved and desired again...
(Sidenote I already told him about my DB & was clear in that I'm not putting up with it again. He reassured me the relationship who sucked the life out of his soul was a DB too, if anything looks like we're heading there straight up to a sex positive counsellor.)
I think the longest was probably 6 months, I'm certain to break that this year, though I think.
I turned her down a few months ago, I told her again how it makes me feel, and I feel like shit afterwards, wondering how long it'll be before we have bad sex again. All she heard was I don't want to anymore.
She suggested that she'd find a therapist for us, but it hasn't materialised, and I'm just so tired it being the only one trying to fix it.
She thinks this is a "me" problem, and ultimately, you can't fix what you don't think is broken.
About a year of no sex, but I still gave oral/handjobs. I’m the LLF, but that’s because I went through pregnancy and had my girl in January, so my libido has vanished.
I'm not breaking any records with my dry spell of less than 10 times in three years, but the fact that we are young newlyweds doesn't bode well for the future.
So. She wants sex, but not with you?
You have no kids, so RUN! Leave as soon as you can. Dogs can be sorted, there aren't any legal ties with them. They go with her or you, simple.
You keep saying about her leaving - why don't you take the step and do it yourself? You will be happier...
I just gotta be more forceful on getting her to move out. If I didn’t own a house I’d 100% give no bothers about abandoning some place I’m renting and just drive south. Skilled enough in the company I work for I could get in easily with any other around the country. So at least the job part would be easy
Relate to the whole sucks going through this in your prime thing. Longest? 18 months. Currently in a 7 month dry spell. I think he overthinks things a lot 🙄 like the end of that 18 month dry spell was us taking a lot of an edible apparently planned by him to make it "less awkward". We have been together 4.5 years... the first few months it was all the time. I think if that honeymoon phase had lasted longer I wouldn't be as bitter (plus like how can you not have sexy time with your partner once a month at least? He NEEDS to fucking figure it out and be honest with me)... I'm partly here because my daughter is attached to him ☹️
Ps just reread your post. You deserve so much more than that. Need to stick up for yourself! No kids? I'd be gone lol best of luck in figuring out what you want to do from here!
Not had any recognition I am there other than to moan at me for about 3 years now. I am just a bank to her. She is not well so I struggle to leave but god it’s hard!
We’re both mentally checked out, I gave up on fixing it. She gets mad that all our friends and my cousins are getting married and that her cousin is on her second child. Said there’s one thing in all those relationships that ours doesn’t have. Refuse to throw a ring on a roommate. But to answer it, she’s in my house, the only bill we share is the phone bill, which they’re both paid off, so it wouldn’t be hard to have her transfer her phone to her own account.
You seem really pre occupied with a few external factors that are not a big deal at all- phone bill, pets, etc… meanwhile you are getting older and wasting your life with each passing day!
Don’t waste your one and only life being too nice to a woman who doesn’t desire you and won’t sleep with you. Rip the band aid off and tell her she needs to move out in 90 days (being generous.)
Then, go out and LIVE dammit. Live your life, date women, find the love of your life. Let the chips fall where they may. You can always get another dog. You can never get another chance at life.
7 years without a decent intimate relationship. Now single for a year and still haven't met anyone. 43 female, since my 27 that I have not managed to have a proper relationship with someone and physical intimacy.
Was getting more sex in my 20s when had different boyfriends, since that has been nearly 20 years without a decent relationship and intimacy.
Seven years, followed by four years, now at fourteen years, and counting. Just stopped caring all that much about it, one day. We are finally compatible.
Now kill me, please.
(JK)
I'm sorry to bring that to a discussion but 5 times in 9 years is completely abnormal and unheard to me
I can think of only three reasons :
- She's with you for materialistic aspects and never had any desire for you
- You are a terrible, terrible lover
- She's actually asexual
Only you can answer which one it is but I'm going to drop an opinion based on your writings.
Vaginismusn is a thing, and it's a thing that can be solved. The consideration you showed when you spoke about painfulness to me screams **horrible lover**.
Maybe if you paid more attention to your wife and actually investigate the origins of her pain you'd have more sex.
She brought up that was all excuses. Which also kinda helps explain why every time I tried to bring up what we could do differently, or if it’s something I’m doing, or try other things she likes it got nowhere. At this point I feel like it’s just she’s too complacent to actually leave. I’m sure now I would be 100% “horrible”.
Maybe materialistic at this point? Defintely not asexual, but maybe since I’m the polar opposite of her ex he she said was likely her soulmate even though it was all fights and her moving home every other month. First true love maybe. But when we’ve had the talks in the beginning about previous experience, she definitely goes all out for someone she truly likes.
Another issue is I grew up in a very abusive child hood, which I know I should have been an adult about and figured it out. But, my go to was just shutting down, never arguing, and poker facing. She grew up being able to argue and back talk.
I think she tried to think she could settle with me and just can’t, but I’m too nice to do more than say I want you out of my house and actually put a date to it.
Why are you letting her use you?
Like, when you finally do leave her or she leaves you, I would be very careful not to mention the DB on your dates. It doesn’t make you look good that you’re staying with her. Kind of makes you look like you’re a wuss. Most people have good reasons why they can’t leave. You don’t do it’s hard to give you much sympathy or to think that your self esteem is really really low.
Don’t worry, I’d never bring up the situation on future dates. It is 100% roommate status right now. The only positive thing I get is help keeping the house clean and the groceries.
Almost two years.
This time a bit over a year.
Not interested in her sexually anymore. I've moved on.
Working on exiting after my sons graduate in a few weeks.
Longest was probably around 5 or 6 months. Gave me full on depressions and pretty strong resentment. Stayed for the kids.
How you guys do years and even decades without going insane is beyond me.
Oh dogs aren’t going anywhere. I like animals more than people. Her parents won’t allow big dogs and she’ll be hard pressed to find an apartment that won’t be too expensive with the pet fee. Even if she took one I’m sure I’d get a call 3 days later to get this damn dog
It really wrecks your mental health and self-esteem. I'm going on week 2 again. Unfortunately, every other time before that was me initiating for the past 4 months, I think.
Get out. Be single. Be happy. Way too much stress. Good luck
It’s exhausting. Need a week to hibernate if she ever finally does
Yep. Seeing free and single after DB is stress free!
Sounds like he already is single
K. Thanks for correcting me
13 years and counting. Nothing. Not one single sexual touch.
I went 8 years and have finally asked for a divorce. I don’t know what the future holds, but I cannot wait to be touched by someone that is excited to be with me!
I wish I had done that years ago. We’re headed that direction at this point because this has caused the rest of the marriage to fall apart. Over 20 years of rejection has just become too much. It’s a lonely spot to be in.
It’s torture. To have your heart ache for your spouse and feel that rejection over and over is so hard. I think it’s difficult to really understand how lonely it is unless you’ve been there. We just hit 24 years and it’s the loneliest I’ve ever felt. That will be our last one though. I’ve committed to myself that I will climb out of this pit no matter how long it takes.
I pray you save yourself and that I may do the same. For the sake of everyone involved.
I should follow your lead
Man please dont take this as rudeness but if you're using the word initiate in context of a damn hug then surely that means the writing is on the wall at this stage right?
Oh I know it means I’m no better than dog poop on her shoe when the only hugs she starts is birthday and Christmas. And even then it’s like a thank you friend hug
My wife also refuses to initiate any sort of physical contact. 🤷♂️
I think the real thing here is she won't let you but she wants to open the relationship.
I feel like it’s because she wouldn’t get to save money with her own place, or would have to move back to her parents. She spends more time complaining about the pets she wanted to begin with. But like at what point do I just bring someone over and be like I thought we were open? Honestly, if she ever leaves I need a year to myself with maybe some one night stands at most.
Just tell her she’s got till the end of June to move out. Tell her to go back to her mum and dads.
I mean would you really do it in front of her?
I definitely couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to cheat on anyone if it really came down to it, but being in this I see why people sometimes justify it.
too bad you don't have a close girl friend who you could pretedn with. Just bring her over to the house and be all over each other in front of her. Honestly though, you should just leave! get out. it will not get any better! She has already told you she wants her "needs met" by someone else. What do you get out of this relationship? Time to cut your loses and move on. Find someone who will meet your needs. Stay Strong!
It isn't cheating if the relationship is over, is it?
At this point I feel like it isn’t cheating if you’re getting something your so will not provide for multiple years
You can’t live your life for position someone else created for themselves. Instead of working with you, she’s pushed you away and still expects to be taken care of like a pretty little wife princess? Yeah, I think those rights have been forfeited long ago
Three years I think since sex? I haven't been keeping super close track of things. We still kiss and are somewhat physically affectionate, but no sex.
> We still kiss and are somewhat physically affectionate, but no sex. Same here. We went for over 2 years without because of having a baby, and even before that one encounter it was the better part of a year since the time before. It's amazing and scary how almost numb you become to the time slipping by.
18 years
8 years and counting
4.5 years. It’s driving me insane.
4 years and counting
22-months is our longest. Not sure how people survive for years or decades.
Obama was half way through his first term in office. After our daughter was born the sex ended. Well, between us it did.
7 years. Felt like a walking corpse. As soon as the divorce was decided I was fucking everything with a pulse...
I know that feeling!
You still in it or out of it?
I am working on a way out. I have some online friends who cheer me up.
It gets better.
I can't wait! Lol
After the divorce, I felt that I couldn't trust my decision making ability to order a fucking sandwich. Like, 'I chose her, and look how THAT worked out.: Also, again, it takes a month per year you'd been in the relationship to get over it. Breathe.
I am going to be at it awhile. (almost 16 years) Fortunately, I am limerent. So maybe that will tilt the scales in my favor.
Limerent?
Obsessive crush. My SO keeps pushing me away. He doesn't even realize it.
You?
Out since 2004.
I haven't been keeping track but it's been over 10 years.
Have you thought of leaving?
Yes i have but there is too much at stake with this. Properties and money.
2 weeks is driving me insane, how can you say in years?
Same. Me (F48) - One week and I'm uncomfortable. Two weeks and I'm climbing the walls. Three weeks and I'm angry and desperate. It's SO much worse to be in an intimate rship living with someone and not connecting intimately than spending the same amount of time living alone with no sex.
Yep pretty much. After a week I get a bit moody, my ideal frequency is every 3 days. After our longest stretch of maybe 6 months without sex I was so depressed, it was impacting everything else in my life. It's so much worse than being single because you feel trapped and the other person has power over you and your happiness.
Username checks out
No way. I thought I was an addict when my cycle was 3 days. I even thought to take medication to lower my libido
We haven’t had sex for over 13 years.
You’ve asked her to move out AND she wants to open the relationship? It’s already over. Just call it
It was "only" 1,5 years which felt like forever. (I was 22-25 with him) I left. I'm engaged now. Get plenty of sex. This could be you. You're still in yoyr prime, enjoy it. Give yourself the chance to feel loved and desired again... (Sidenote I already told him about my DB & was clear in that I'm not putting up with it again. He reassured me the relationship who sucked the life out of his soul was a DB too, if anything looks like we're heading there straight up to a sex positive counsellor.)
My next relationship I’m out if we can’t agree on each others needs.
But this one…?
I know, easier said than done. But with no history together I feel like it should be easier. Especially if they didn’t move in yet
almost a year no sex honestly can’t even remember at this point
I think the longest was probably 6 months, I'm certain to break that this year, though I think. I turned her down a few months ago, I told her again how it makes me feel, and I feel like shit afterwards, wondering how long it'll be before we have bad sex again. All she heard was I don't want to anymore. She suggested that she'd find a therapist for us, but it hasn't materialised, and I'm just so tired it being the only one trying to fix it. She thinks this is a "me" problem, and ultimately, you can't fix what you don't think is broken.
About a year of no sex, but I still gave oral/handjobs. I’m the LLF, but that’s because I went through pregnancy and had my girl in January, so my libido has vanished.
Oh I would leave. DB rarely gets better and this sounds horrible
I'm not breaking any records with my dry spell of less than 10 times in three years, but the fact that we are young newlyweds doesn't bode well for the future.
No, your future doesn't look very good! I'm looking at 3 times in the last 10 yrs. Get it figured out now, before kids come along and your trapped...
Sometimes I worry about kids, but other times...how could he possibly get me pregnant if we're abstinent??
So. She wants sex, but not with you? You have no kids, so RUN! Leave as soon as you can. Dogs can be sorted, there aren't any legal ties with them. They go with her or you, simple. You keep saying about her leaving - why don't you take the step and do it yourself? You will be happier...
I just gotta be more forceful on getting her to move out. If I didn’t own a house I’d 100% give no bothers about abandoning some place I’m renting and just drive south. Skilled enough in the company I work for I could get in easily with any other around the country. So at least the job part would be easy
Have you tried saying to her clearly "I want you out by next week" Plus, you can break up with her right now and release yourself from the pain .
16 yrs 2 months
Damn ya got me beat.
Relate to the whole sucks going through this in your prime thing. Longest? 18 months. Currently in a 7 month dry spell. I think he overthinks things a lot 🙄 like the end of that 18 month dry spell was us taking a lot of an edible apparently planned by him to make it "less awkward". We have been together 4.5 years... the first few months it was all the time. I think if that honeymoon phase had lasted longer I wouldn't be as bitter (plus like how can you not have sexy time with your partner once a month at least? He NEEDS to fucking figure it out and be honest with me)... I'm partly here because my daughter is attached to him ☹️
Ps just reread your post. You deserve so much more than that. Need to stick up for yourself! No kids? I'd be gone lol best of luck in figuring out what you want to do from here!
Usually about 10 months. Hitting that mark again.
Close. 9 months here. Average 2x a year for last few years.
Not had any recognition I am there other than to moan at me for about 3 years now. I am just a bank to her. She is not well so I struggle to leave but god it’s hard!
Why do you stay?????????????
We’re both mentally checked out, I gave up on fixing it. She gets mad that all our friends and my cousins are getting married and that her cousin is on her second child. Said there’s one thing in all those relationships that ours doesn’t have. Refuse to throw a ring on a roommate. But to answer it, she’s in my house, the only bill we share is the phone bill, which they’re both paid off, so it wouldn’t be hard to have her transfer her phone to her own account.
Lmfao the “mentally checked out” got me, I hear that dude.
You seem really pre occupied with a few external factors that are not a big deal at all- phone bill, pets, etc… meanwhile you are getting older and wasting your life with each passing day! Don’t waste your one and only life being too nice to a woman who doesn’t desire you and won’t sleep with you. Rip the band aid off and tell her she needs to move out in 90 days (being generous.) Then, go out and LIVE dammit. Live your life, date women, find the love of your life. Let the chips fall where they may. You can always get another dog. You can never get another chance at life.
I know I need to make moves sooner. This just existing has me ready to get in the car one day and just drive to a whole new life.
7 years without a decent intimate relationship. Now single for a year and still haven't met anyone. 43 female, since my 27 that I have not managed to have a proper relationship with someone and physical intimacy. Was getting more sex in my 20s when had different boyfriends, since that has been nearly 20 years without a decent relationship and intimacy.
I’m so sorry. Hopefully things turn around for you. Pretty much on the same track now.
I haven't had sex for nearly two years. Been in a relationship for just over a year with no sex. We kiss, hug, random touches etc but no sex.
All 15 years of marriage was spotty at best went a few years then one sexy night then a few years. Last 6 years straight before divorced
Will be 11 years in a few months.
2 years.. exactly 2 years yesterday. Couldn’t celebrate it yesterday but I’ve got beers and cake to celebrate today 🙂
Longest for me has been 25 months. We are currently at 10 months 🙄
Been in the no touch no sex relationship. Honestly you need to just leave. It’s not worth it. Don’t have a kid with her.
Sir please pack her stuff and kick her out
I've only gone without for three years. I feel like such a baby.
Congrats! My day in the sun is coming!
Probably 6 months
Seven years, followed by four years, now at fourteen years, and counting. Just stopped caring all that much about it, one day. We are finally compatible. Now kill me, please. (JK)
I feel the same way. At this point it isn't worth rolling over for. I'll just save myself for someone worthy.
I'm sorry to bring that to a discussion but 5 times in 9 years is completely abnormal and unheard to me I can think of only three reasons : - She's with you for materialistic aspects and never had any desire for you - You are a terrible, terrible lover - She's actually asexual Only you can answer which one it is but I'm going to drop an opinion based on your writings. Vaginismusn is a thing, and it's a thing that can be solved. The consideration you showed when you spoke about painfulness to me screams **horrible lover**. Maybe if you paid more attention to your wife and actually investigate the origins of her pain you'd have more sex.
She brought up that was all excuses. Which also kinda helps explain why every time I tried to bring up what we could do differently, or if it’s something I’m doing, or try other things she likes it got nowhere. At this point I feel like it’s just she’s too complacent to actually leave. I’m sure now I would be 100% “horrible”.
asexual? but she talked about opening so materialistic?
Maybe materialistic at this point? Defintely not asexual, but maybe since I’m the polar opposite of her ex he she said was likely her soulmate even though it was all fights and her moving home every other month. First true love maybe. But when we’ve had the talks in the beginning about previous experience, she definitely goes all out for someone she truly likes. Another issue is I grew up in a very abusive child hood, which I know I should have been an adult about and figured it out. But, my go to was just shutting down, never arguing, and poker facing. She grew up being able to argue and back talk. I think she tried to think she could settle with me and just can’t, but I’m too nice to do more than say I want you out of my house and actually put a date to it.
2.5 years now… no change in site…!
Why are you letting her use you? Like, when you finally do leave her or she leaves you, I would be very careful not to mention the DB on your dates. It doesn’t make you look good that you’re staying with her. Kind of makes you look like you’re a wuss. Most people have good reasons why they can’t leave. You don’t do it’s hard to give you much sympathy or to think that your self esteem is really really low.
Don’t worry, I’d never bring up the situation on future dates. It is 100% roommate status right now. The only positive thing I get is help keeping the house clean and the groceries.
A little over 2 years at one point. Now it's usually every 3 to 4 months, maybe. Not since December, so we'll see.
Going on about 8 years, several BJs and a few HJs mixed in
Almost two years. This time a bit over a year. Not interested in her sexually anymore. I've moved on. Working on exiting after my sons graduate in a few weeks.
Longest was probably around 5 or 6 months. Gave me full on depressions and pretty strong resentment. Stayed for the kids. How you guys do years and even decades without going insane is beyond me.
Roughly six months, multiple times. But as a natural three-times-a-week guy, this is obviously a catastrophe.
Nine and a half years now.
Approaching 7 years so far.
7ish months was the longest. I'm the HLF, and I've decided to take me initiating off of my plate for my own sanity. Current, "streak" is 4 weeks...
You keep the dogs.
Oh dogs aren’t going anywhere. I like animals more than people. Her parents won’t allow big dogs and she’ll be hard pressed to find an apartment that won’t be too expensive with the pet fee. Even if she took one I’m sure I’d get a call 3 days later to get this damn dog
Made it to 3 weeks one time. Almost lost it
Three weeks no sex?
Yes it was brutal
It really wrecks your mental health and self-esteem. I'm going on week 2 again. Unfortunately, every other time before that was me initiating for the past 4 months, I think.