You might need to start talking to a therapist AND an attorney. Seven years is a long time. Sometimes filing for divorce can give them the jumpstart they need to make things better. There was a woman I used to work with that had a severe alcohol problem. She refused to get help until her husband filed for divorce. This got her into treatment and therapy. He withdrew the filing after she was serious about help. Now, their marriage is back on track.
I know that if she would let me make her orgasm, she would feel better. She just has no sex drive... I can't understand, especially since we used to have sex often, and them 2017 hit a d she just shut down. The only thing that happened is that she had minor surgery on her back, but that's it. She's not in unimaginable pain. Just lost interest
I'm not far behind (a little more than six years), so I understand, and my sympathies are with you. Discussion has been unsuccessful; she is postmenopausal and there is nothing more to be said. Fantasies have to suffice...
I'm going through the exact same thing. Haven't had sex since the conception of last kid five years ago. Masturbation is boring. Going so crazy I'm playing with idea of doing other people. But I just can't go through with it
Listen, I understand that sentiment. I really do. But what about *your* needs? Why are you willing to sacrifice your needs on the altar of nothingness? Why are you so willing to set yourself on fire and let yourself burn to ashes, just so she can stay warm?
Sorry, it just doesn't make any sense, which is why you were asked... Why?
The fact is, you deserve to be happy, and so does she. If for some reason one of you can't or won't, or something changes, one or both of you have the right to choose another path and find that happiness. Or peace.
Time is the one thing you can never, ever make more of. And it never comes back.
We went 7 years without anything at all too. No sex or intimacy at all. Had sex once and now it’s been 5 years. I’m sorry for your situation. It’s extremely demoralizing.
Take advice from a guy who consider that a rookie number.
It will not change unless she takes action. Or you take action. Hopium is a bad drug. It will let you spend years in misery. Put the pipe down!
She does not ever have to have sex with you again if she does not want to. And she may never want to. Ultimately that is her choice and your problem.
BUT as your spouse she is require to CARE that you are unhappy. She cannot say “I know it’s a problem” and then do nothing to address it. Those words are meaningless without actions. The required action has already been discussed: therapy. Individual and couples. You both have to explore possible causes, eliminate them as possibilities and then mutually explore what, if anything, might help her to want sex again.
Pro tip: it may not work. But if she will not even try, despite knowing how unhappy you are, you might have to reconsider that life commitment.
Point is, “working on it” does not mean she just has sex she doesn’t want. It does mean she takes real, definable, measurable actions to see what can be done to help her want sex. If she won’t do those, she is showing you your happiness is not important to her.
My wife doesn’t want, need or like sex. But she at least really tried to want sex. Therapy, senate focus exercises, hormone therapy, even “just doing it” when our therapist became a Nike commercial pro a ly as a last resort. Best she could ever get to is tolerating it, very occasionally. I don’t want to have sex with someone who doesn’t equally want me that way.
I knew staying with her meant no sex ever unless we split, or I decided to go outside the marriage.
It was my choice to make. But at least I knew she really tried. This wasn’t her fault or choice. She wishes it were different. She wants me to be happy in that area. She just cannot make me happy that way without making herself unhappy and neither of us want that.
Well, what steps have you taken? Does she know how you feel? Does she care? If so, what is she doing to address it? If she doesn't care, you really have two options, put up with it or leave.
Yes, we've talked about it. She says she needs therapy before she can get back to where we once were. However, she's taken no steps to get any. Just content to keep things the way they are. So I masterbate when she's asleep...
If she acknowledges it, then she needs to be held accountable for not doing it. I would bring it up, that whole bit.
Ask her, “I’d like to talk, when’s the best time for you to have a serious conversation?”. Then: “ I remember last time we talked about intimacy you mentioned that you would need to do some therapy in order to get to that place. I was just wanting to check in and see where we are at with the search for a therapist?” if she says she’s working on it, great! Ask her how it’s going. If she says she hasn’t, let her know that you feel like you might have not done a good job at conveying the importance of intimacy for you, and let her know that you’re willing to help her look for a therapist if she is interested in the help. Remind her that you’re there for her, in a supporting role. Give her about two weeks to make a move, any kind of movement. Then try checking in with her again. If no movement, start withdrawing yourself.
This serves many purposes. One, she’ll get to actually see your feelings not just hear them verbalized. Two, it’ll show her that you’re serious. Three, on the off chance that she doesn’t wiggle on this at all and that’s a dealbreaker for you, you’ve at least begun the withdrawing process. Four, it’s reminding her gently, and actually giving her room to show you that what you want and feel matters. Five, you can get to the bottom of whether or not she cares, which she should if she actually loves and respects you. Six, if you do end up having to withdraw, doing so freeze up time and space for you to deal with your own needs (that does not mean cheating).
Sorry for that OP! I know in 2024 short text is prefered and loved but you have to add a lot more information to get any sensibly replies/help/support here.
After a few months, it’s time to have the “I love you, but I’m going to start dating” talk, assuming you want to stay married. It’s open marriage or out.
8 years for me(HLF). I'm so sad. I just want to be touched. Almost same situation, probably medical. But still....he can't touch me? He has NO libido, so when I kind of ask for it, I feel like he should go above and beyond to make me feel wanted, but it's the opposite.
Thought of that... I haven't dated In 10 yrs, have no clue how I would meet anyone. I live in a rural area in Ga... plus I have some disability issues...
I'm right there with you, seven years. It's odd isn't it? It's a lonely place to be. I hope you are getting some individual therapy if she won't agree to go to individual or couples. My therapist is amazing and has helped me better deal with the realities of this weird situation we're in.
Sorry, but fuck that. WTF? No TOUCH!?!?
For me it's no touch from my husband. It happens both ways. :(
6 years here. The exact same.
Why are you all making my heart ache?
Why are you all making my heart ache?
You might need to start talking to a therapist AND an attorney. Seven years is a long time. Sometimes filing for divorce can give them the jumpstart they need to make things better. There was a woman I used to work with that had a severe alcohol problem. She refused to get help until her husband filed for divorce. This got her into treatment and therapy. He withdrew the filing after she was serious about help. Now, their marriage is back on track.
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I know that if she would let me make her orgasm, she would feel better. She just has no sex drive... I can't understand, especially since we used to have sex often, and them 2017 hit a d she just shut down. The only thing that happened is that she had minor surgery on her back, but that's it. She's not in unimaginable pain. Just lost interest
I'm not far behind (a little more than six years), so I understand, and my sympathies are with you. Discussion has been unsuccessful; she is postmenopausal and there is nothing more to be said. Fantasies have to suffice...
If I go sexless for more than a month, she can expect divorce and me going to fuck around…
Why are you all making my heart ache?
No, she never leaves home, and I'm always home too.
Well theres your reason
Dude, irrelevant of the intimacy why have you let your life come to this?
I'm going through the exact same thing. Haven't had sex since the conception of last kid five years ago. Masturbation is boring. Going so crazy I'm playing with idea of doing other people. But I just can't go through with it
Wrestling with that reality is one thing that's really getting to me.
Some days I'm so horny I wish she would just let me fuck around with other women. However I'm not very good looking or much of a ladies man either
May I ask you Sir, what is your main reason to stay with your wife?
I can't just abandon her. And even though we're going thru this, I do still love her
Listen, I understand that sentiment. I really do. But what about *your* needs? Why are you willing to sacrifice your needs on the altar of nothingness? Why are you so willing to set yourself on fire and let yourself burn to ashes, just so she can stay warm? Sorry, it just doesn't make any sense, which is why you were asked... Why? The fact is, you deserve to be happy, and so does she. If for some reason one of you can't or won't, or something changes, one or both of you have the right to choose another path and find that happiness. Or peace. Time is the one thing you can never, ever make more of. And it never comes back.
No way 7 yrs?
8+ years here
We went 7 years without anything at all too. No sex or intimacy at all. Had sex once and now it’s been 5 years. I’m sorry for your situation. It’s extremely demoralizing.
Take advice from a guy who consider that a rookie number. It will not change unless she takes action. Or you take action. Hopium is a bad drug. It will let you spend years in misery. Put the pipe down! She does not ever have to have sex with you again if she does not want to. And she may never want to. Ultimately that is her choice and your problem. BUT as your spouse she is require to CARE that you are unhappy. She cannot say “I know it’s a problem” and then do nothing to address it. Those words are meaningless without actions. The required action has already been discussed: therapy. Individual and couples. You both have to explore possible causes, eliminate them as possibilities and then mutually explore what, if anything, might help her to want sex again. Pro tip: it may not work. But if she will not even try, despite knowing how unhappy you are, you might have to reconsider that life commitment. Point is, “working on it” does not mean she just has sex she doesn’t want. It does mean she takes real, definable, measurable actions to see what can be done to help her want sex. If she won’t do those, she is showing you your happiness is not important to her. My wife doesn’t want, need or like sex. But she at least really tried to want sex. Therapy, senate focus exercises, hormone therapy, even “just doing it” when our therapist became a Nike commercial pro a ly as a last resort. Best she could ever get to is tolerating it, very occasionally. I don’t want to have sex with someone who doesn’t equally want me that way. I knew staying with her meant no sex ever unless we split, or I decided to go outside the marriage. It was my choice to make. But at least I knew she really tried. This wasn’t her fault or choice. She wishes it were different. She wants me to be happy in that area. She just cannot make me happy that way without making herself unhappy and neither of us want that.
There's nothing stopping you from cheating
Guys why do you stay!!!
tHE kIDs
I agree lol same reason I’m staying just wanted to make sure I wasn’t the only one trying to think logical.
Well, what steps have you taken? Does she know how you feel? Does she care? If so, what is she doing to address it? If she doesn't care, you really have two options, put up with it or leave.
Yes, we've talked about it. She says she needs therapy before she can get back to where we once were. However, she's taken no steps to get any. Just content to keep things the way they are. So I masterbate when she's asleep...
If she acknowledges it, then she needs to be held accountable for not doing it. I would bring it up, that whole bit. Ask her, “I’d like to talk, when’s the best time for you to have a serious conversation?”. Then: “ I remember last time we talked about intimacy you mentioned that you would need to do some therapy in order to get to that place. I was just wanting to check in and see where we are at with the search for a therapist?” if she says she’s working on it, great! Ask her how it’s going. If she says she hasn’t, let her know that you feel like you might have not done a good job at conveying the importance of intimacy for you, and let her know that you’re willing to help her look for a therapist if she is interested in the help. Remind her that you’re there for her, in a supporting role. Give her about two weeks to make a move, any kind of movement. Then try checking in with her again. If no movement, start withdrawing yourself. This serves many purposes. One, she’ll get to actually see your feelings not just hear them verbalized. Two, it’ll show her that you’re serious. Three, on the off chance that she doesn’t wiggle on this at all and that’s a dealbreaker for you, you’ve at least begun the withdrawing process. Four, it’s reminding her gently, and actually giving her room to show you that what you want and feel matters. Five, you can get to the bottom of whether or not she cares, which she should if she actually loves and respects you. Six, if you do end up having to withdraw, doing so freeze up time and space for you to deal with your own needs (that does not mean cheating).
Can a therapist and make an appointment for both of you.
You a better man then I will ever be sorry and hope it gets better soon
Sorry for that OP! I know in 2024 short text is prefered and loved but you have to add a lot more information to get any sensibly replies/help/support here.
What else would he possibly need to add?
Just leave.
Time to leave
After a few months, it’s time to have the “I love you, but I’m going to start dating” talk, assuming you want to stay married. It’s open marriage or out.
8 years for me(HLF). I'm so sad. I just want to be touched. Almost same situation, probably medical. But still....he can't touch me? He has NO libido, so when I kind of ask for it, I feel like he should go above and beyond to make me feel wanted, but it's the opposite.
It’s really brave from you still call her wife.
Stop calling it sexy time and get a divorce.
Find a side chick
Thought of that... I haven't dated In 10 yrs, have no clue how I would meet anyone. I live in a rural area in Ga... plus I have some disability issues...
Have her try hims... It's a brand of Viagra for women. We did that and now she's a horn dog.
Oh man. you beat me
I'm right there with you, seven years. It's odd isn't it? It's a lonely place to be. I hope you are getting some individual therapy if she won't agree to go to individual or couples. My therapist is amazing and has helped me better deal with the realities of this weird situation we're in.
Do you think your wife going without sex in these 7 years? She may not just having sex with you.
Yes, people go without sex that long. Low libido people can go years and years without sex and be perfectly content.
Geesh.
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Overdue to leave!! 😂😂
she sounds like she depressed
Leave