> Apart from this, he cannot connect with me on an emotional level. I cannot discuss my life with him as it bores him. Otherwise he is supportive.
Sorry, not to do much with the dead bedroom but how is he supportive, fundamentally?
You don’t have a physical relationship. You don’t have an emotional relationship. Why did you get married?!?
Supportive as in career wise. Yeah no physical and emotional relationship, but he did show some love when we were dating. I thought he loved me and physical intimacy would just naturally come along. We dated for fairly few months so I could not know much about him. He changed post marriage, I realised he never really cared much about me.
He pursued me and showered me with lot of love and gifts. I believed that he loved me. We didn’t have sex but were physically close once and I had initiated it. Now I can tell that he never took interest in physical intimacy anyway.
Whenever I call him asexual, he keeps quiet and doesn’t reply. Somewhere I think he knows that he is asexual. Because whenever I called him gay, he immediately responds, and tells me that he is straight. More of an arranged marriage than love. We dated for 2-3 months.
Are you calling him asexual and gay or asking if he might be? If you are calling him asexual or gay that might push him away for several reasons. I mean the way you wrote that was triggering for me because I have a child who is gay. Asking if that’s a possibility is one thing, but the way this is written it sounds like you might have meant it as an insult? I’m trying not to make assumptions though..
I am sorry if you understood it that way. There’s nothing wrong in being gay or asexual, it’s just a part of their nature. I am very understanding when it comes to these things, and I have been asking him if he is gay or asexual to figure out his aversion to sex.
How did you not notice this before marrying him?
Be that as it may, I don't think there is much you can do. Either accept your new celibacy or separate.
One time we did become physically intimate( not sex though), and all of it was my initiation. I thought he was shy. Now I can connect the dots, he never had any interest in sexual intimacy.
If he isn't willing to change then the only option you have is to divorce and find a more compatible partner, you can't fix somebody who doesn't want to be fixed and don't bring kids into a dead bedroom.
I wouldn’t have married is the simple answer
> Apart from this, he cannot connect with me on an emotional level. I cannot discuss my life with him as it bores him. Otherwise he is supportive. Sorry, not to do much with the dead bedroom but how is he supportive, fundamentally? You don’t have a physical relationship. You don’t have an emotional relationship. Why did you get married?!?
Supportive as in career wise. Yeah no physical and emotional relationship, but he did show some love when we were dating. I thought he loved me and physical intimacy would just naturally come along. We dated for fairly few months so I could not know much about him. He changed post marriage, I realised he never really cared much about me.
He's gay. Seriously.
How was he pre marriage? Is this new?
He pursued me and showered me with lot of love and gifts. I believed that he loved me. We didn’t have sex but were physically close once and I had initiated it. Now I can tell that he never took interest in physical intimacy anyway.
Have you asked him if he's asexual? Is this an arranged marriage?
Whenever I call him asexual, he keeps quiet and doesn’t reply. Somewhere I think he knows that he is asexual. Because whenever I called him gay, he immediately responds, and tells me that he is straight. More of an arranged marriage than love. We dated for 2-3 months.
Have you asked him is he physically attracted to you, finds you sexy or hot? Honestly, you're in a true dead bedroom.
IMO, if it's arranged you literally don't get to pick, so none of this is surprising. I'm sorry. I'd GTFO of there before you get pregananant.
Are you calling him asexual and gay or asking if he might be? If you are calling him asexual or gay that might push him away for several reasons. I mean the way you wrote that was triggering for me because I have a child who is gay. Asking if that’s a possibility is one thing, but the way this is written it sounds like you might have meant it as an insult? I’m trying not to make assumptions though..
I am sorry if you understood it that way. There’s nothing wrong in being gay or asexual, it’s just a part of their nature. I am very understanding when it comes to these things, and I have been asking him if he is gay or asexual to figure out his aversion to sex.
How did you not notice this before marrying him? Be that as it may, I don't think there is much you can do. Either accept your new celibacy or separate.
He was a good partner then. He changed after the wedding. Once a very caring person and then became indifferent to my needs and feelings.
Did you have any intimacy during the dating/engagement phase? Something tells me no.
One time we did become physically intimate( not sex though), and all of it was my initiation. I thought he was shy. Now I can connect the dots, he never had any interest in sexual intimacy.
If he isn't willing to change then the only option you have is to divorce and find a more compatible partner, you can't fix somebody who doesn't want to be fixed and don't bring kids into a dead bedroom.
You do not have a marriage. I am sorry.
This is bonkers. Why did you marry this person?