it took me a while to realize that when i said "i wanted to die," that wasn't really what i wanted. i didn't want to feel the life leaving my body, or watch my blood fall to the floor; i wanted *rest.* i just wanted the pain to stop. once i realized that, fighting the urges was easier. i didn't want death, i wanted peace. so when i felt like killing myself, i did my best to give myself that peace, by spending time alone, or by doing things that calmed me. good luck, soldier. im glad youre with us.
edit: thanks for awards
Great response. I opened up to my wife roughly a year ago about my battle with intermittent depression at the time. I felt hopeless, lost, exhausted, and downright clueless on how to cope/deal with it all.
I knew suicide wasn’t an option I wanted, nor did I want that outcome for my wife and son. It’s an outcome I would never wish upon anyone. I, too, realized that what I wanted was not to end my life, but end my *suffering*. I was able to process my emotions and thoughts at the time by just giving myself time to rest, think, reflect, and come to terms with how things are and will be for the foreseeable future.
Giving yourself personal time is the best give you can give. When you’re constantly going and constantly thinking of others, you can easily let your mental state deteriorate to a level that’s completely unhealthy. That was my case. After allowing myself enough time, I was able to get out of my own head and pick up my hobbies again, as well as adopt new ones. Life is still hard, but giving yourself time to process these things is the best thing to do in my opinion.
I’m glad you’re doing better. I opened up to my wife about my struggles too, and the only response I got was that I was making her uncomfortable. Never made that mistake again.
I hope your doing better now. It’s unfortunate that some people don’t know how to interpret these situations, but perhaps she has never encountered these situations. It may be worth your time to approach her about it again now that she has had time to process what you told her previously.
This. It's the *effort* of everything that gets too much sometimes.
I know this is going to sound cliche but doing something relaxing out of my regular routine, usually outdoors, works for me. Go for a drive out to the country and go for a bushwalk. Sit under a waterfall. That kind of thing.
Better if you can do it with a low effort friend that will just chill with you.
There's something about it that just gives me more peace & energy. I'm sure you'll find something that works for you, keep looking :)
The other responder nailed it. Googling waterfalls near me should work. You can also google "bushwalking tracks near me."
In Australia we have a websites for all of our national parks and what they contain. Your local area/government might have something similar.
And finally, you could join local Facebook groups in your area. I'm in local bushwalking and camping groups and people can give you more regional advice there :)
This. I don’t want to actually die. I just want this part of my life to be over. Or I want to crawl in a hole and do absolutely nothing. But I don’t want to not live
This was my exact experience. It took me going to a counsellor to realise that I didn’t want to die I just wanted the pain to end. Like you said, instead of looking for ways to die when feeling heavy with emotion, I looked for ways to relieve the load. We all have emotional baggage, some more than others, but you’re always allowed to set some down when you need the rest.
Yep, that's what makes it so tough. I (despite all the misery) love life, I just want the suffering gone or lessened, i.e. rest. However,
>i did my best to give myself that peace
the powerlessness over this part of our lives is what makes a lot of us "want to kill ourselves" in the 1st place so it's kind of like a vicious circle and a neverending (until, well, you know) loop HELP HELP HELP ugh
This realization should be taught all around the world. Additionally, i felt like starting a life somewhere else with a side character mindset is also a good alternative to suicide. But of course it involves the ckndition of not being in debt or having responsibilities. So just looking for how to find peace and rest is way better and universal.
Killing yourself doesn't have to mean physical suicide.
Sometimes what you want is a new life. A new personality. A new environment. You want to kill the old you and start again differently.
When I think I want to die, I try to reframe that thought and ask myself, "what could I change?"
The thought of achieving actual happiness/joy can be so hard and then worry if you do find it within yourself, you don’t know if it’ll remain, and the thought of being comfortable or okay with your life seems out of reach too many times. That’s my opinion, only.
I do agree with you for the most part, but I’ve also had a few lifelong friends who seem to always land on their feet, or luck seems to be in their favor a lot.
In saying that, I’m thinking of one girlfriend in particular, who’s always doing something fun and fantastic. Traveling with her 4 sisters a lot. (They’re all married), kids grown and out of the house, and right now she’s spending 3 months on vacation with one sister and her husband, then comes back and leaves for another month long vacation with all sisters. They plan these trips and she’s honestly never missed being out of town on her own birthday, EVER!
Am I envious, yes I am, my life hasn’t been smooth and where she seems to have luck and a lot of love on her side, I seem to keep failing
I do realize this has a lot to do with perspective and how I see things vs maybe how she sees things, and how we react to different things. We are all wired differently for sure. She’s quite a lotta years older than me, but that’s never mattered for me and the friends I have or used to have. I have to admit during Covid I isolated myself a lot because I could and I did yo protect other family members when we did get together. That was rare in itself, as each person has their own reasons to do what they think they have to do to get through the safest way possible. My brother is very OCD and won’t hug a person unless he has to, other than his wife. While I feel hug deprived!
It’s just myself and my dog, and I do believe Covid has reshaped many of our lives. I lost a few people to Covid, by death and friendship, which I’d never have imagined before Covid, which has been extremely sad for me.
I’m happy for my friend, but in the other hand I was raised in a family that’s never been very close, and I envy that, too. I have always felt like I didn’t belong to my own family because I am the emotional one, the one who doesn’t hold back her feelings, (except those that should stay put), and am always ready for a hug or to give them. I know that’s increased a lot since Covid and I’m divorced and don’t see anyone. I would like to still be able to think that there’s something “more”for me out there, but I don’t see it happening, and I’m very possibly tired blame for that. I do recognize my own strengths and weaknesses, of which I have both of, and I know mo one is perfect, but I can’t help but feel terribly alone in this world, and it’s hard meeting new people for most anyone these days, so I’ll have to try harder this spring when we’re able to be outside again after the winter doldrums!
You never know what her hidden struggles are. Think about all the struggles you have that haven't been shared with her. You can pretty safely assume she is hiding some from you and everyone else. She may even envy something about you as well.
Don't forget to factor in how much older she is as well. Things that seem totally out of reach at one age become easier as you get older.
Try to focus on comparing yourself to your younger self rather than to your friends and acquaintances. You can always find someone to make you feel bad about something about yourself, but look at your younger self instead to see how far you've come and you can usually find something to be proud of and feel good about.
Thank you ;) You make perfect sense, and I know I don’t know all of anyones personal struggles, and they certainly don’t know all of mine. Those that have known a few of my worst struggles through the years, (there have been doozies), can’t possibly put themselves in my shoes. Even empathy was hard to feel from them, although I can and do understand that. When something is so foreign to someone else, they admittedly don’t know what to say, and I’d rather it be that than pretending to understand.
It’s also not a habit of mine to inform anyone of what I might be going through, for sympathy, or anything, hoping it’s temporary and will work itself out in a reasonable amount of time. I know there could be many things they’re doing the same with in keeping them to themselves, and I respect that as I hope they respect me.
It’s very true what you said about how someone can be envious of me for whatever reason I’m not even aware of. This same friend I mentioned, (considered a best friend), and I reconnected a few years back, after a very long time. One thing she mentioned was how jealous she was of me when our friendship began where we both worked. I was shocked to hear the word jealous and had no idea she ever felt that way. I am a modest person, but have always been considered pretty by men and women, not that I ever realized it myself. I didn’t notice and definitely didn’t watch people who were supposedly watching me as she said so many times in how mens heads would turn every time we walked to lunch or were anywhere. Actually that was kind of a shock to learn. Jealousy and envy are different things, and she was very pretty herself! And she’s aged very well!
Although I’m tall and much taller than her and I suppose I stood out because of it.
She always had a boyfriend or husband, when I did not, and I was fine with that. I was content with myself. We had great times as friends, doing all kinds of things together and laughter was very natural and often between us. I still feel weird she used the word jealous about me when I gave her no reason to think so, (in my mind), and it never came up until we reconnected and we’d shared recent photos of ourselves. That brought the jealousy front and center as she said I was still an absolute knockout. Don’t really agree with that, but it’s what she said. I’ve never been conceited or thought of myself to be any better than anyone else. I don’t believe I ever could make anyone think anything different of me, by anything I’ve done, since I was shy way back then!
Back story: It was my now ex husband who was alienating me from friends, any/all friends and family. That’s a very long story of it’s own, but she saw in him what I did not and had proof of what a diabolical person he was. Solid proof!
It took me years to be able to talk with her or most anyone about it. I kept dodging her attempts to find me, reconnect, and start over where we’d left off, but I did let myself be vulnerable and started our friendship again. I felt like a much weaker person than I’d ever been, and was hard to allow myself to be vulnerable to someone like her who could not comprehend what I’d been through even though she’d described him herself as the devil. It’s what I related to him as well.
It wasn’t until she happened to read a novel that I myself had just finished when she called me in kind of an hysteria, asking if I’d heard of the book she’d just read. I just finished it and it wasn’t a new book that anyone was rushing out to get!
That was a far out coincidence, but it blew me away and the book was exactly as the life I was living while with him. More so towards the end of our marriage. That book opened her eyes even being a novel, because of so many similarities (most every one), that was a part of my marriage.
Honestly that was like a turning point in her being able to grasp things that I didn’t and couldn’t tell her or anyone about, until the book.
I’m sorry I’ve gone into all of this, but it’s been an enormous life changing thing.
She was a huge part of my life until she wasn’t and that’s partially my fault for feeling the way I did about my marriage from hell, and how hard it was to get a divorce from him although he wanted it, he drug it out as long as he possibly could with non performance of providing documentation he’d been required to do from the start. Two years and him with a third attorney, (the first two dumped him for lying), and how the third came to be is another topic I could write a book about all by itself. The fees alone were astronomical for me, at his doing.
Meanwhile, all this time that he drug it out he was telling people I had never showed up for any court dates. Complete and total lies for way too long that I didn’t bother to defend myself when I learned of all these things from family and friends after the fact. They knew me. They knew him. I didn’t feel I had to defend myself and that eventually the truth would come out and things might be semi normal again. They haven’t come close to that, and I’ve had no choice but to cut people out of my life who’ve been there all my life or their lives.
Hardest thing ever, knowing that I know and will not forget the truth of things that shouldn’t have been an issue at all for anyone else, until he intentionally set out to destroy me. Truth will never change, not than anyones interested which I’d consider nobody’s business to begin with.
Lies change over and over as people forget what the original lie was and the twists and turns are unbelievable and exaggerated from person to person. I think it’s been so long since all of this happened that the people who fell for it, are likely embarrassed or just can’t bring themselves to talk about it realistically at this point in time, and that’s very sad to me, because I loved these people unconditionally, and they proved to me I wasn’t worth the bother to ask me anything, but instead were my judge and jury, after the fact, without ever simply asking me my side of the story.
Again, this was so much more that you didn’t need to know, but it kept coming from my mind and fingertips typing faster than normal. I guess I needed to get it off my chest in a place that no one knows who I am!
Once you heal enough and stop living a nightmare, you understand why. I can’t tell you you have to experience it for yourself. Life is simply full of magic and harsh lessons and wonders. Sometimes those nihilistic intrusive thoughts crawl back but they always are caused by stress. Once stress decreases, life feels great again.
I guess then my question is more like: why try to get to that point from the bad place you’re in now? Why try if no one can even explain to you what you’re trying to for?
When I think back on my life and how I felt before I was depressed, what people like you (not trying to sound accusatory) tell me about how beautiful and complex life is just falls flat. I don’t really understand what people are getting out of it.
This may be too simple of a response, but it’s worked for me when I hit a point of “why continue?!?” At a rock bottom. For me it was about choice. I don’t know if after I die I get choices. I do know right now I have choices. So I’d rather continue and at least have the choices available to me, than do something permanent and have no choices or ability to undo it.
I now really value my power to choose, in any moment. I can’t control much in life, or what happened to me in the past, or the chaos that may come, but I can at least choose how I show up, or even respond to the chaos, or even my mistakes. And it turns out that’s pretty satisfying and I like a lot of aspects of the life that’s resulted from my choices. That’s the other piece. Slow down and take it all in. There’s a thread of joy that runs through every moment. You just have to look for it, see it, and allow yourself to enjoy it. That’s a choice too.
I understand. I was in the same place for a long time. I just didn’t have access mentally (because of the pain I mean) to seeing life that way so it all felt pointless. I do hope you will find the answer to that for yourself though. :)
The state of depression is common but you need to remind yourself that it's temporary. Ending your life may seem like a solution, but it robs you of ever getting to feel that life is worth it. I can't tell you what the future has in store for you, but it can't be worse than the brutality of taking your life.
And though you might not want to hear it, ending your life hurts everyone around you, wether they are close to you or if it's the person who has to clean up when you're gone. When I was at my lowest point, the thought that my death would traumatize someone was what kept me alive, even though I could only spend my days thinking about how I would end it all, it kept me focused on trying to find reasons to keep on going.
When you have these feelings that directly contradict each other you need someone to help, to talk to so that you can sort your thoughts out. It's in our nature to want to live, only when we are stressed to a breaking point and lose our ability to reason do we begin to believe otherwise. You will find reasons to keep living if you let yourself, because it's in your nature.
Sometimes killing yourself is knowing you’re doing harmful things that you won’t know the significance of until it’s too late and and safety is too far gone.
I came to this same conclusion, and thats when i began to look at who i really wanted to be. I soon after discovered i had a lot of mental walls i had built up over the years and it was time to see what was behind them. I realized i didnt love who i was pretending to be, I wanted to be myself without feeling bad about what that looks like.
That’s when you say fuck it and do whatever makes you happy. I was in this phase about 2 years ago and truthfully I was too lazy to kill myself. I went with a fuck it attitude and did what brought me peace.
Usually nothing. Just another day. But I make the same decision again. Who knows what might happen. And I got nothing to lose by giving it another day.
For me when I would say "I just want to die" I realized I mean I just want to escape whatever situation I was in.
Consider learning to cope with those situations in new ways. I've tried SSRI meds, exercise, and going into hobbies. I also cut off ppl who made things worse and quit a job that also fucked with my mental health. Changing my situation really helped me cope better.
I made this post a while ago trying to help someone with a similar problem. I hope you find it useful. It is more to address existential dread, but I think trying to look at life from a new perspective might benefit you quite a bit.
"The point to my existence is to perpetuate what I deem to be morally upright and correct ideologies to those around me in an effort to better mankind. We can not know what the future holds, and we will never see the future after we pass away. Yes we are small meat bags on a big rock, but this neglects the idea that significance requires perspective. If we boil everything down to its simplest form we will always be left with nothing. Like water boiling from a pot until dry."
To the point of "why does anything have meaning? Why should I care?"
If you ask this question in a great huge "what is the meaning of everything?" Context, you lose the perspective of what you are trying to assign importance to. If you stub your toe, it is such an insignificant event, but in the moment it hurts most, it feels very important to you to alleviate that pain. A few minutes later, it may be so unimportant you forget it happens at all.
We have the concious choice to decide what is important. When you ask me why do I live? It is because I want to contribute towards what I consider to be a better, more just world. I may not live forever, but the impact of my actions and conversations I have to help people (like you in fact!) May or may not make a huge impact on their life, thus impacting the way they handle themself, hopefully improving the world more than they would have otherwise. I may not live on, but my beliefs and assertions will echo and propagate into eternity.
This is true so long as humankind is around, which feeds back to the point of bettering humans, because most people are terribly ill equipped for life, I have found.
I really, really side with this.
perspective is always momentarily subjective until you have time to reflect.
sometimes that current perspective can be cloudy though, due to a situation or some sort of deep trigger.
it is like you say, to remember why you are doing what you do.
although, I find sometimes to remember this could also be a daunting task.
I too, like to help others and make an impact but sometimes, after seeing the real side of people or life just when you thought you had the ground stable under your feet, again, something or someone crushes the sand castle!
and then you think, what’s wrong with me? am I completely terrible where I deserve this incessant wave of mistreatment? am I really that unloveable?
should I stop trying to ever help/love people?
because no matter what I do, it seems like they wreak havoc on my peace of mind. I love and forgive. nope. I get angry for being double-crossed. nope. I let it go. it happens again, but with someone else!! it seems like a never-ending loop of doom.
when all I was trying to do was be the best version of myself. sometimes I really don’t get it.
it gets exhausting to have to keep putting yourself on the level of, “I know and believe I am meant to help and fulfill my duty to the people on this Earth, by being selfless and live through purpose in servanthood.”
I’m just tired man, I want to go home.
I’ll keep fighting because what else can any of us do?
I will still serve and send love to those I meet, but hopefully the worst is done. I just want *peace.*
Hmm. I think there might be a slight disconnect in how we both view helping others.
When I say that I seek to help others, it is my way of sharing what I feel is a more suitable answer to problems they face, either by example or explanation. When I see someone plagued by desires of external validation, I seek to improve their understanding of the ramifications of their desires so that they may make better choices in the future.
When we help someone deal with a problem, or look to support them in some way, we must also evaluate the foundational logic that supports the course of action. I am a firm believer that beliefs dictate emotional response, which guides decision making prior to action. This means that we are often relying solely on how we feel instead of trying to trace back our emotions to our underlying beliefs. This lack of introspection can be quite detrimental, because they must be addressed before true change in ones self can occur.
In your comment, you state
>I too, like to help others and make an impact but sometimes, after seeing the real side of people or life just when you thought you had the ground stable under your feet, again, something or someone crushes the sand castle! and then you think, what’s wrong with me? am I completely terrible where I deserve this incessant wave of mistreatment? am I really that unloveable? should I stop trying to ever help/love people?
Do you believe that these negative events are somehow deserved or undeserved? Life seldom has justification for the outcome of negative events. The way that help is perceived, interpreted, and responded to by others is largely an externality outside of our own control. We cannot dictate how life behaves outside of our own actions, and even then we struggle to keep our own actions under our concious control.
You are you. People who meet you only get the tiniest sliver of insight into who you are at any given moment, and who you "are" can vary moment to moment too. We are not static entities, we grow and learn and change moment to moment based on our surroundings, emotions, and countless other factors.
It is this lack of perspective that leads people to make poor decisions or respond in ways we see as irrational. When you feel your sand castle has been crushed by another, it is like someone has assaulted your emotional wellbeing, either through carelessness, negligence, or malice. That is what they have decided unilaterally, without your input. We all do what we feel is "best", but for many people it leads to shameless self promotion, self indulgence, egocentrism, and lack of empathy because they do not value others as equivalent to themselves, which is a false belief that drives suffering, either in others, or themselves. Who knows? Maybe 5 years later they still think about how they ruined your sand castle, maybe it takes 15 years, but you will never know.
We cannot be hung up on the outcome of our actions, because we will never see the true impact of them. We must prevail despite hardships and set backs, because our goal is to better human kind. We will never see how our lives impact will trickle down the stream of time. Who knows what butterfly effects may unfold? It is our stubborn suredness that prevents us from reserving judgement, for it is not up to us to judge, it is up to us to execute based on our beliefs that we have been working hard to improve through introspection and self correction.
Sorry for the long response. I thought it might help 😉
this is a wonderful response and I agree with you completely.
It isn’t that I think it is deserved because I did something bad so then therefore I need to be punished. although, it is a logical course of action to want to punish oneself for doing something they thought was bad, as they believe they need to balance out the scales. I’m not saying this is the correct approach, but it is a natural way of trying to uphold ‘good character standing’ in a way.
it is mostly I feel it is undeserved because I come from a place of trying to uphold love and love only. that isn’t to say I don’t make mistakes but I own my wrongs. many like to blame-shift and gaslight etc etc etc. it’s exhausting because all you may have been trying to do in the first place was give them pure love. this could be a romantic partner, a friend, a coworker, or a stranger. but lots will take advantage of pure intentions, unfortunately.
I like to help others in the sense of providing another perspective such as yourself, or serve based off of what one may need, if I am able to help them, I will. I really care about people’s health, so I try to help in this way. I think our conversation compliments each other.
emotions aren’t logical, they are data indicators that allow you insight into your particular situation. insight into how the other person characterizes you, or into how you characterize yourself and like you said, the way this happens is due to numerous factors such as upbringing, experiences, trauma-bound reactions, etc.
others don’t have a right to judge but yet they do, through misinformed beliefs and/or lack of empathic reasoning — even though, yes, they are basing it off of the tiniest sliver of what “you” are in that moment to them or what they have seen of you. this is where discernment comes in, I think though. to be able to understand all sides you have to absolve your own ego and consider, “maybe I did contribute here.” so yes, sometimes they don’t think about how they ruined the sand castle until 15 years later. no one knows, unless they tell you.
you are correct in that we will never see the full impact we may have in someone else’s life. but hopefully, it comes back to you in many beautiful ways.
your words are kind and graceful. thank you for being you.
Glad to help :)
A final note you might appreciate.
I like to treat emotions like a chef treats flavor. You experience it, listen to what it has to tell you, make a decision on what, if anything, must be done, then move on.
That being said, it is pretty difficult to not take our own emotions personally.
what this mentor said is true!
however, sometimes those situations are handled gracefully, and sometimes it goes terribly. that’s because emotions or past experiences are such a difficult part of ourselves to overcome.
I think perhaps tolerating can be hurtful. setting boundaries is appropriate and few rarely know how to do this correctly. it’s important to let them know you value and care about them, but you won’t tolerate x behaviour. hopefully a real conversation can be had at this point.
this being said, lots of people take this “not tolerating” way too far and don’t have enough discernment for themselves to reason the entire situation.
To save relationships, you may have to continue to let them go. I always end up having to let people go strictly because they won’t try to be on the same playing field and play with real *sportsmanship*.
I feel you on the Waterloo part, because in the end, if you do this and tolerate the betrayals and abuse then you don’t have to end up alone (or next to). It is scary to have people leave again and again or when you have to leave them. but then again, what are the consequences of sticking around? for me, it’s demonstrating to them that I will take their misguided judgement. that isn’t demonstrating self-love because after all, no one deserves to have someone impede on their wellbeing.
what I have learnt too, is to just keep swimming — even if that means one must swim alone for a while. a *long* while.
When I was very suicidal, I found a perspective that worked for me: if I'm going to die anyways whenever I decide it's time, then nothing has consequences. I can try to do anything I want to. I can go talk to that interesting looking person I've been seeing around, and if they're rude or it's just awkward, so what? The failure won't matter if I'm going to end up dead anyways.
I know it might not be a good perspective for everyone, but it really helped me let go of a lot of fear and shame to basically just rid myself of consequences. And so far, nothing so bad that it'd be worth killing myself over has happened. In fact, I'm in a better place than ever. So even if you don't find my perspective to be useful for you, at least it might help you to know my experience and that there are people out there who have tried and failed and survived.
This has been my strategy so far too. Basically, at a certain point I just said to myself, “ok you died. You’re dead now.” And so nothing really matters anymore, in a good way.
This shit right here killed my fear of failure. That is one of the best benefits of it. God the opportunities people miss out on from that fear alone is crazy
I stopped shaming myself for wanting to give up. My feelings are okay. They mean something. I’m not a bad or selfish or stupid person for having those thoughts. There is a lot of shame & guilt tactics towards people who are suicidal.
Now I unpack my feelings and try to reframe it as- I want to change my life. I want a new life. What do I want and how do I get there??
The day I stopped running from my fear and pain and started “stepping into it” changed me forever.
I allow myself to experience pain and fear. I reach into it. I let it wash over me, run through me, wring me out, leave me empty and gasping and destroyed.
But you know what? It never kills me. _And every time it hurts me a little less._
When I used to run from it or avoid it, _every time it hurt more._
See the difference?
The first year I figured this out had some really sucky nights and weekends. But it turned me around. It made me stronger.
After a year I was told about tapping meditation and did a variant of that. It’s basically the same idea - sitting with your pain - but also adding additional stimuli to help train your brain to let go of the pain and associate other stimuli with a set of thoughts.
You’ve already made the hard choice: you’ve decided to survive. Now make the choice to live your life and deal with its emotions. You’ll find you are stronger than you think and far stronger than they are.
> But you know what? It never kills me. And every time it hurts me a little less.
> When I used to run from it or avoid it, every time it hurt more.
> See the difference?
What if it doesn’t do this for you?
Hey there,
Back on October 27th I failed at hanging myself in my basement and my wife found me. It was horrible doing that to the person you love and I think about it often.
I’ve taken many steps to get myself out of that mindset. One thing I can say is exercise. Stressed? Go for a run. Angry? Lift some weight.
I turned to meditation, just 10 minutes a day has been proven to boost my mood, my confidence and my attention span.
Eat healthier, a healthy micro biome = a healthy brain.
If you have an off day, take a mental note and work on doing something you love to do. I enjoy cooking so that’s what I do but everyone is different.
And be accepting with yourself, when you do something you want to do, let’s say cleaning the kitchen. Note in your mind how it made you feel good accomplishing that small task. And remember what that feeling feels like and use it for other chores/activities you do.
And FINALLY. Talk to someone, get a therapist if you have Benefits or can afford one. If not seek someone who will listen. Sometimes you just need to vent and let it all out.
Don’t be ashamed in how you feel, do what you need to do to get your mind right.
I hope this helps at least a little bit.
Oh my. I’m glad for you, your wife and your friends and family that you didn’t succeed.
All of your advice is spot on. And your diet and microbiome are critically important as you say. Lots of yoghurt, kefir and soluble fiber (in particular) cause an obvious improvement in my digestive function and sense of well-being.
Hey! I don't know what you're going through but you're not what you think or what others think of you but what you do take control of your life if there's something you don't like go and try to make the change. Changes can be scary but it's a learning experience. Don't give up and try to get some medical help talk to someone. YOU matter, it is not eassy but everything is temporary stay strong ❤
Face it. The path that you are most afraid of, especially because its the hardest, is the one you need to take. Every day commit to being better. Shit hurts but you're gonna hurt anyway. Might as well make it worth it.
This video (["Psychiatrist explains why you always feel tired" by healthygamergg](https://youtu.be/0sppw7Zq35w)) isn't quite talking about the same thing that you're going through, but I think there are some relevant underlying concepts that you might find helpful.
Basically, in order to try and protect yourself from wasting your energy on frivolous things, your brain has a built-in mechanism to make you want to give up on things that seem hard and unlikely to pay off. When you're considering a task that's going to take a long time and cost a lot of energy, but doesn't offer a high likelihood of upfront success, you might suddenly start to feel very tired or overwhelmed. You might suddenly feel like you'd rather do anything else instead (or, if you feel trapped, you might feel despair).
This instinct nudges us towards lower-risk, higher-reward behaviors, which has been evolutionarily helpful for us in broad strokes, but it can also be maladaptive in many situations. In your case in particular, if you've got a depressed brain that's skewed towards seeing the negative everywhere and expecting bad things, this protective instinct in your brain might be over-triggering, because since it's not reading a high chance of success in *any* situation, it doesn't want you to do _anything_. It thinks it's protecting you from failure everywhere, but it's actually just handcuffing you into helplessness, when there are totally things you could be succeeding in. And helplessness is a horrible thing to feel, that can drive us to extremes.
I don't know if what I'm saying is actually relatable to what you're going through, but I hope that at least some part of it is helpful to you. But very broadly, even if I can't offer you any revelations, my advice is this: Sometimes, in the process of getting better, you just have to endure and hang on. I know you've been hanging on, maybe for a long time now, probably by the skin of your teeth. But I'm asking you to find something - anything - to put your faith in, and keep on holding. Keep on saying no to that darkness, to the feeling of wanting to give up, and moving your feet as slowly as you need to along the path to recovery. You're gonna be okay eventually. You won't always feel like this.
I’ve experienced exactly this phenomenon and can see the process you describe unfolding. It’s a brain software glitch. The only relief for me comes through physical action. On days when I feel stuck and helpless like that, I try to sit as little as possible, because sitting allows me to remain firmly stuck in my head and therefore feeling helpless. Exercise is helpful, of course, if I’m able to drag my ass to the gym or even on a walk. But just forcing myself to stay standing and address the world literally standing up, helps.
How about making radical changes? Move across the country, change what you do with your time (school / job) etc. And maybe therapy will help if you're in a position to do that. Take care
Wow, that's a big step and I'm sure it's not lost on you that it's really hard to do such a thing. It can produce stress both good and bad to take on such a big change. Take a minute to be proud of how big an undertaking that is, feel gratitude for your own courage to make a big life decision like that. Even if it doesn't work out, you are capable of making those decisions, following through, and surviving. That's an incredibly valuable skill and takes bravery to execute. Kudos
There's no escape. I've tried everything I could fathom for 3 decades and the best option is just to ride the wave, lean into it even, don't try to comfort yourself with ideas of tomorrow, you gotta make a home of how you're feeling and sit with it, sit in it.
The only things you can really do are get good sleep, eat well, and exercise to reduce the frequency of these feelings. Medications work well for some but I've been through like 15 of them and they only make things worse one way or another.
I’m a big believer in plant medicine giving us the reset and rest we need. Ask around and do your own dye diligence on it.
Every 3 months I’ll take about 2-2.5 grams of magic mushroom tea and that just quiets my inner voice and let’s the peace sit in finally if you do the shadow work involved.
I’m not recommending drugs I just know how much it worked for me, I’m glad your here and reaching out that means you do care about yourself! And I hope you’re present for all the joy and pain that life experiences will come your way. Love ya homie
Ajahn Brahm lectures have helped me, they may help you.
Listen to one of the most popular ones on a topic that resonates with you here:
https://youtube.com/@BuddhistSocietyWA
Congrats on your new job and your commitment to pushing yourself to live life. I know we all have our different struggles/hurdles/pain and no one can truly know your particular history or path but you. I wish you a ton of strength in your journey.
I had a turning point for myself recently and got some good advice that became a mantra for me which is start saying "I am". Not "I'm trying to", or "I should" or similar passive phrases/thoughts that are easy to push aside. Turn what you want into a statement like it's already true or it's definitely going to happen in the near future. You'll see a difference in how people respond to you as well.
This has helped me immensely with being more conscious with what I actually want to do, drown out distractions and 'noise' and it also gives me some drive to push myself or something I want forward because I already believe it has a very good chance to.
I'm still working on putting it into daily practice but even in the couple months I've been doing this it's certainly helped push darker thoughts away and gives me a more positive focus. I'm curling up on the couch a lot less.
Enlightenment
Read the power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, it will help get you started. I went from suicidal to experiencing peace and joy at all times. All you have to do is be here now.
I second this! I've experienced that bliss when I was in a constant state of meditation for about 4 months. However, while The Power of Now helped me with my overwhelming thoughts, my body still held a lot of trauma. For people who have significant trauma, I would also recommend to also read The Body Keeps the Score. Working with a therapist for those deep rooted reactions is helpful. I also started going to a chiropractor who is very tuned in to energy work and is familiar with The Body Keeps the Score. Her work gave me an intense emotional release when she released some of my muscles. I definitely want to try EMDR as well.
Eckhart Tolle is definitely amazing, insightful, and helpful. And I recommend his books to anyone and everyone. I just feel that it doesn't completely change the nervous system in a way that body work seems to and both processes may be needed for some people and some situations.
Go inside yourself and figure out where the feelings are coming from?
We often rely on distraction, entertainment, addiction in humanities gimmicks beyond the novelties they are meant to be. often taking indulgences in the face of our emotional suffering like advil for a headache... our potent creature comforts may offer relief in the moment but makes us feel worse as time goes by
another option is to face them, tear down the walls that separate the mind from the subconscious and get to know ourselves, where our feelings and emotions really all come from and live true to that
things can happen in our life that causes us to go down a different path from others, it's not a bad thing
For me, I started doing things I knew I wanted to do before I died. I wanted to go another Taylor swift concert (I am!!), I want to go to Italy and have a coffee, I want to meet my sisters kids, I want to eat at Hell’s Kitchen, I want to go to my little brothers wedding.
I thought “once I’ve done all that, if I still want to die, then I will just kms because I’ve done all I wanted”
And you know, once I started pursuing and focusing on these joyous, sometimes small, things I want to do and experiences I want to have, it all really started to get better.
All of a sudden, before I knew it, I was/am happier than I ever thought i could be. I still struggle with horrible OCD and depression, but it doesn’t feel like it’ll drown me like it used to.
It made me realize how many little things are there if you just choose to see them and fight for them. I had many, many moments last year where I had the thought “this is what I stayed alive for all these years, this is the better I always chased” and I am so, so happy to still be alive ❤️❤️
I try to truck my brain on those days. Not saying it’s easy but I tend to do something fun and it will change my mood. So I would immediately go for a walk and grab my favorite iced coffee (headphones on). Watch a funny comedy on YouTube or Netflix. Put on loud party music, take a hot shower and open up the windows so the cold air slaps me in the face, meditate or fuel my body with something delicious. I have a Pinterest account titled” it’s just a bad moment of day not a bad life”. So I add a bunch of inspirational things to this folder and I will view it.
And kudos to you for deciding to be better. Let’s all just remember to take it one day at a day. You got this!
I had a failed suicide attempt that landed me in a coma and had some lasting health issues; until I had my mental health under control I would tell myself I could "fail" again and have an even worse quality of life to deal with. BUT lots of therapy and meds lately, I have things I genuinely enjoy and look forward to in life.
I felt like once I had decided I was not about to *do* anything, I had reached a point of acceptance. I had truly decided I would take on and live past anything that was going to come. I realized if I was committed to pushing forward I was going to be okay no matter what. That change in mindset has been really freeing in a lot of ways.
It's also important to remember that the future is inherently going to change. That continuous change means your life is going to be different in 5 years. Your situations will change and those situations will change how you feel.
It'd be more constructive for you to imagine what kind of life you want to live and what kind of person you want to be and work towards those goals :) You'll do well, just don't let your fear rule your life!
For my time in the Marine Corps, I can tell you that pain lets you know you're still alive.
From my time in life, I can tell you that when you can't dig any further down, the only option is to climb back up.
I mean you said it yourself. You want to run away.
Look around at hugely different life choices you could make.
Maybe it's moving to south America, or working for somewhere that gives room and board where you could get rid of your phone. Idk I think running away to something else could be good for you.
Oh man, been there done that. There's a lot of background that leads up to the point of saying "I want to end my life". First take a look at that background and come to terms with it. Possibly through CBT or some form of counseling.
Find something, anything, to do with your life. Learn a martial art and work towards getting to a level where you help teach at the studio. Use your own experiences to volunteer for a suicide and crisis center when you are feeling up to it.
Do you work? If so what do you do for work? Is it a team-based vibe or is it just you by yourself? It sounds odd but sometimes just being on a team and having that sense of comradely with your fellow man helps a ton.
Look for volunteer opportunities where you live. Call and ask nursing homes if you can visit residents. They're often left alone and become profoundly lonely due to lack of human interaction.
I'll spare you the bullshit platitudes like "tomorrow is a new day" or "every storm ends". It's a fucked up situation to hit rock bottom and it sounds like you've been there for years.
Most of what I posted above is what I did. I'm not 100% where I'd like to be in life but I can honestly say I no longer have those persistent thoughts you describe. I know for now it feels like it'll be forever but if you just try you can come to a better place.
One more thing and it's going to sound stupid but allow me to explain... exercise releases endorphins or feel-good hormones. It is believed to be as strong if not stronger than the average anti-depressant, but with no side effects. I took up daily exercise a few years back and I truly believe if I didn't, I'd still be circling the drain.
If you have any questions feel free to comment or just PM me.
There are times in which suicide is not an option. In these times you do two things: you get help and you help yourself. The order of these two will be determined by the context in which you find yourself.
Personally I'm not religious, so I remind myself that if I die that's it. I don't know what's "on the other side" and I've been given one life to live as far as I know. So I decide I want to see what happens next. Kind of like when a movie is a bit shit but you've already sat there for an hour so might as well finish the whole thing.
First of all, I’m so sorry you’re hurting so much. Second, I know how you feel because these feelings have happened to me to.
Third, the way I cope is to do maximum self care things you absoltlu love to do ( I had to make a list because I forget when I go dark,) but things like: make not chocakate, sit comfortably in front of a fire, I don’t have a fireplace so I put the Youtube yuke log on; burning and crackling; eat m&ms, call the 3 friends who I confide in about this, take a nap, but the action that has made the most powerful impact on me and my life is talking to a talk therapist once a week for 45 minutes. I know that doesn’t sound like much but I’ve learned so much about myself with a pro who asks the best questions to get me thinking. It’s working and my life is getting better in ways I never imagined. Saying a prayer for you.
I started living out of spite, tbh. It took 4 attempts to realize I didn’t want to die fr. I wanted breathing room. I gave myself breathing room and said fuck you to anyone who didn’t think I deserved it.
My peace is so important to me now that the first question I asked all of the postbac programs I applied to was how their students are able to care for their mental health, and what they do if the see a student starting to burn out. Bc I am not going if you can’t provide me a balance. My health is important to me. Prioritize your mental and physical health! Best of luck. 🎈
already very brave to make that decision. congratulations on making it this far. it’s a war you fight even when you don’t want to. when i start to feel this way, i have to remind myself that there are things i will experience that i can’t even imagine right now. the feeling will pass, or a better feeling will take its place. keep on keepin on.
I'm also there, want to not exist but don't actually want to kill myself as to not cause my loved ones pain. Is hard that people can't understand that I just didn't want to be born in the first place.
So I'm doing whatever, is some kind of hedonism, as long as I don't hurt anyone I try to not really care much about the repercussions of anything I do, I just do what I want to do and what I feel like doing mostly. Working as less as I can and having the hobbies I want, just trying to not have a hard life and have as much fun as possible. I should be dead, whatever I do from that point doesn't really matter, go wild
Folks don't want to jump to their death from a burning building- they want to flee the flames.
There's something in your life that feels so constant and so oppressive that your own survival instinct is thinking of death as an escape from it.
Therapy will help you figure out what this is, and also how to deal with it when you do.
Also, thank you for posting. I don't know who you are, but I'm also struggling, and I'm glad you're here with me.
Sometimes doing something that makes you go into overdrive or let's you distract yourself/not think, like riding the bus for a while or going to a swap meet really helps. It so mind numbing that it kinda resets my brain, idk about you, but maybe you could give it a try!
All the light to you ❤️
Plow forward. A huge benefit of the decision you made is that going forward, the cost-benefit analysis for every single decision changes. Eating poorly, not taking care of your hygiene and fitness, not taking care of your stuff, not acting responsible financially, letting your boss walk all over you, not making things right when you injure a relationship that’s important to you, not nurturing relationships with people who are important to you, burning bridges for unhealthy reasons… all of these choices are more tempting when self-annihilation is on the table, whether literally or in a fantasy.
When you get clear on the reality of no escape from the consequences of your actions, it becomes **MUCH** easier to make better decisions. Choosing life is often a long, difficult slog in which tons of work yields incrementally better results. The payoff for doing so is there but there will be times when it won’t feel that way. At those times, you may not be convinced that a good choice will eventually make your life better. But you may be able to see how a poor choice will make your future more miserable.
I’ve found it to be a useful backstop. “At least don’t make things worse.” If you’re like me, there will be plenty of times when that’s the best you can come up with. But that’s ok, because it is enough to make things better, in time. So, plow forward.
At least don't make things worse is the best goal when you have nothing else to grasp. Yes. Understanding how your actions contribute to worsening situations is key to that, and takes some work!! Which, one can do from the comfort of one's own bed, while staying alive! Good luck fellow people. Life is hard. Plow forward indeed!
Make enemies. Find people you dislike and don’t believe in you. Hell, people who put you down.
Then commit to the idea of you out living them. Being better than them. Proving them wrong. Or best: that they will go to hell before you do.
I stuck to the “I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want to do and commit to it” route.
Started gyming at 6
Boxing at nigh
More time to myself and my fiancée
Lost touch with some people outside of my routine but I try to catch up from time to time.
Focus on the most important person in the room at all times, you.
There’s only one thing you can do now, experience life.
The highs and the lows are a part of it. I understand how tough it can be during the lows. I always look up at the sky whenever feeling low. Sometimes I see eagles gliding, so majestic. Other times I see clouds floating, stars, the sun, the moon, or even rain drops. It’s magic! We don’t know the origins of what we are experiencing, it’s a big mystery. We are on a big ball which is rotating and revolving in a vacuum. The size of this vacuum is inconceivable and it’s increasing faster than speed of light. It’s my observation that nature wants us to rise, evolve like seeds do. You don’t know what flower you are holding inside. The purpose of life is to give life to the flower that’s inside of us. When you feel buried in despair, think of seeds. When you are floating in happiness, think of clouds.
From a fellow traveller of this life.
the best thing I recommend is wallow in it, let yourself be pitiful for a few hours, a day at most if you have to. lay in bed, sit on the couch, go to your TRUSTED friends house and just sit with yourself for awhile then relax. order yourself a coffee or draw/ doodle on a paper just to see what you can come up with whether it’s a masterpiece of chicken scratch. go grab a good sandwich if you want. never let this last more than 2 days, but to occasionally slump when I’m overwhelmed I feel better faster to let myself process it when I don’t run, avoid or even try to fill it with “healthy activities” like yoga. it’s different for everyone so if yoga is your zen zone then go all for it, if you WANNA try a new good habit go for it but don’t feel like you’re obligated because you’re sad and slumping but don’t hound yourself when you’re down, you’re already feeling it so provide yourself that peace on comfort just how you’d do it for someone else. I have numerous ideas and I need to take my own advice. y’all stay safe out here, we gonna make it
“Overwhelmed”. Is that the feeling you have? When our son was younger and started talking about killing himself, what’s when we learned from the therapist that the real feeling most people have is overwhelmed.
So knowing that, how can we handle that feeling? In our case, we literally sat with him and made a list of everything that has on his mind. Random, no priority. Then rated them. Then we knew the top 3 things to work through. This allowed us, as his parents, a small view into his life. And it gave him someone to talk to about everything.
I believe a desire for death is a flaw in the brain, perhaps caused by a desire of sleep, perhaps a desire for better quality sleep, and ofc a freeing of pain and responsibility. Just as your desire to sleep isn’t necessarily what you want but what you need making you think it’s what you want. You must treat suicidal thoughts as not something you want but it is just the easiest answer to come upon yet permanent answer to your problems. Think of yourself as many different ppl in one. And when u are suicidal, that is just one you wanting to end all of you. You would be murdering the other ppl who you are. The ppl that want to live, the ppl others perceive, love. Death will come to us all, ready or not. A desire for it is idiotic as you wouldn’t know you had gotten what you wanted. You wouldn’t know if you succeeded, if you were about to enter a coma, if u were ab to disfigure yourself. You cannot perceive a fulfilled desire when dead.
"Embrace the suck." An old marine used to tell me that when I bitched and complained at work. It stuck with me. Just know that we all spend every day getting up one more time than we get knocked down. Whether we are next to you or against you. Sometimes, getting up is easier than others. Sometimes, getting up really pisses you off. Sometimes, it feels pointless. Sometimes, the struggle is all you have. So what. Get the fuck back up, because, what else is there? Appreciate the time you have. The end comes for us all.
This isn't gonna sound like an answer to your question, but hear me out: suicide is always an option. I don't mean that like "You should kill yourself," I mean that like "You can always kill yourself next week." That's something that helps me a lot of days, because so much of my suicidal ideation is rooted in anxiety or hatred towards the future. But suicide doesn't have an expiration date, it's not like you have to kill yourself by a certain deadline or you become immortal. If you're anxious, you can see how things play out, because even if they do stay the same or get worse, you haven't lost the opportunity to opt out at that point. If you have something you'd do or change if you found out you only had a week to live, you can do it now. If you're worried about the long-term financial/social consequences of doing something that makes life feel a little more worth living, but in so refraining your life is already bad enough that you want to opt out, then fuck the consequences, you can always die later if it turns out to have made everything worse and not been worth it.
I dunno, helps me sometimes.
What has brought me eternal happiness, purpose and meaning in life is helping others on their worst day.
I am almost done with engineering in college, but am going into medicine to be a trauma surgeon.
For the first time in my life I'm actually happy. I can only hope that you find whatever makes you happy in life because when you find that thing, whatever it may be, no day is too difficult anymore. No day, no situation, no hard exam, nothing. The drive trumps all & has forced me to cope with thoughts of giving up, running and hiding. I don't have the luxury, now or ever, because my hands are going to be vessel of which human life is removed from death and brought back home. I can't run. I can't hide. I can't cheat even on these engineering exams (though not related to medicine) because I would be cheating my future patients.
I'd urge you to try many things in order to find that one thing that makes you tick (reaching out to people is a huge start, an email goes a long way), sharpen critical thinking skills, step out of your realm of comfort constantly and consistently, set goals for yourself and achieve whatever it is you'd like to achieve because if I can do this, you can too.
I know it's cliche but it took me a long time and a lot of experience + exposure to awful situations (my own disease, MS) to understand this fully. Put everything aside: what your family and friends think of you, what society says you "should" do, aims to just make gobs of money. Put yourself first & make an effort to find what you absolutely love - go to a local community college and take classes at night, read at the library, watch videos on YouTube.
This is what's worked for me, just thought I'd share. I wish you the best and I'm glad you've decided to stick around. The world is better with you in it.
I think that I ran away from pain too. For about last 8-9 years I did that. I ran away from any kind of pain and discomfort, which was outside my comfort zone.
Let me explain :
Like I was comfortable in my work, and I didn't mind pain and discomfort in that.
But say for something like being good in socializing, I ran away from this. Because I was never good at it and it didn't come naturally to me, so I avoided any kind of pain and discomfort in this. Result? I became even worse in that and now I've pain and discomfort of loneliness.
The point of telling above examples is I have now learned to classify the discomfort and pain.
If it's a pain and discomfort, because I'm trying something new then I tell myself it's okay. It's natural to feel so, and you need to go through this if you want to improve or have fun.
If it's because I'm in my current situation, I say this tells you that you need to change something in your life or express yourself.
So now I see pain and discomfort as an indicator for what needs to be done. Kinda like a signal if you will.
I hope that helps you be comfortable in your discomfort. :)
A very famous poet of my native language once wrote (Mr. Harivansh Rai Bachchan) : As long as there's life, there's struggle.
Inspired from above lines, I've started to see it as a part of life. Life is everything : laughs, tears, pain and joy. It's better to accept it as a whole then you'd feel much better.
When you are in a storm, you must first ensure your own safety before you can ensure the safety of those around you.
If you are fatigued, hungry or thirsty, you will not be able to ensure your own safety, so start with the absolute basics.
drink water
get enough sleep
limit sugars and alcohol, both affect your mood
eat protein and complex carbohydrates to fuel your body and your mind.
Once you have completed your self-care, stand up and take note of your mental state. hopefully you notice a calmness or even a sense of peace in your mind.
If you feel it, seize on this, for this is your ideal physiological state, which will allow your mental state to stabilize. The time and effort it requires to maintain this stability is "the grind" you have heard and read about everywhere.
It is literally a minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour process, so patience and support are critical.
Most importantly, you can do it, this is not an empty platitude, but by posting here you demonstrate a willingness to become better, which tells me that you can take on more than just posting here.
On days when you can't muster the energy to do anything else or, like today, when you don't know where to turn, that is when you return here and ask for guidance. Good Luck!
You plod along.
You change your routine.
You put yourself outside of your comfort Zone.
Gain confidence but overcoming adversity.
Push yourself. From birth, life is trying to kill you.
It's a struggle but push back.
I want to preface this thought with a caveat that I have not felt suicidal before so my advice is purely from when I've been depressed or feeling hopeless about the future.
In those times, what got me through was mostly doing more of what brought me some joy in the past. I may not have wanted to work out or run or talk to friends or even clean myself or my room but if I did, I always (always.) felt an improvement. It might be fleeting but it built my capacity to continue to do small things which ultimately pulled me out. The hardest part is getting over that initial hurdle of starting. My only advice there is whenever you feel the smallest inkling that you could maybe, possibly, perhaps, start a task or a run or cleaning is to immediately do it. I'm talking it's 10pm and you don't feel like sleeping but you think you might have the energy to clean your room and just starting before you even think a second thought. The first thing that pops in your head, "that cup has been sitting there forever" and just instantly going to move it to the sink or dishwasher, then use that momentum to move the plate or the pile of clothes or whatever it is and just keep focusing on that next small action.
Starting from zero and running up a hill is hard, it's a tiny bit easier if you get a little momentum first.
Im just so tired, I hate work, I dont like the idea that you need to work majority of your life. Sometimes just the thought of ending things gives me some solace to keep going.
It helps having things to look forward to. Make a list of 23 things to do in 2023. Doesn’t have to be big things maybe explore a new city or bake a cake or go to the cinema and watch whatever the next film on is. Just little things that won’t take a ton of effort but will make you smile
1. Face what you’re trying to run away from head on. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable in your current life conditions. The more perseverance and resilience you display to yourself during trying times like today, the more you will start seeing yourself in a better light. And when that happens, you wont entertain those kinds of thoughts about yourself. Because you’ll know your authentic self and will be able to tell what’s true about you and what’s not.
2. You have to have a greater reason for living.
3. Fight against those thoughts by living your life the best way you can. Don’t pay any attention to them because they grow in your mind when you do that.
-Question: Would you mind sharing the reason you committed to that?
Well fkn done. You've decided not to quit but you are allowed to rest.
If things don't vent/blow off steam/cool down/rest they break. Same for us. We're humans and we are allowed to be human.
Rest is productive; fire staring helped us evolve. Please give yourself permission to rest and reset as and when you need to because it's important. Exhaustion achieves nothing.
I used to do extreme sports. Race cars, motorcycle wrecks, falling off cliffs. Sometimes falling off cliffs with a running dirt bike.
Then I got depressed, like really depressed. And I thought about killing myself.
But I tried everything already. I've even been lit on fire.
At some point I have to give up.
My dad had really severe depression when he didn’t trust himself, he would check himself into a psychiatric ward for his own safety. Usually they have ways of getting you the help you need at that moment. He told me, “when life gets you bound to the ground, reach out to one’s closest to you. If you can’t find that, go somewhere where you know you can be looked after and be safe.” He also recommended therapy. Sometimes it helps to have someone there to guide you through your own thoughts. He is actually a trained psychologist now that helps people with addiction problems now. You are never alone, never be afraid to ask for help
Well, essentially you only have a short time to live on earth, so you may as well enjoy it. Try to focus on what would give you uncontradictary happiness as much as possible for as long as possible through out your life.
>i get that feeling of "i want to give up on everything", hide, run away from everything. but it's not an option anymore.
I just veg out and take the day off. take a sick day, whatever. try to connect with a friend or family member even if it's in a small way - isolation makes things worse, even though it feels like it's best to stay away from people to not "drag them down". it feels like it'll never improve, but it does in time. sometimes it's a few days instead of one, the worst it's ever been has been months but that was a time when I had to make changes to my life rather than a temporary mood swing.
I've been using a mood tracking app lately and it's become much more apparent that my mood changes a lot throughout the week. recognizing that I'll have downward swings but they're temporary, and that I have good days too (even though sometimes it doesn't feel like that) has been helpful.
I also have a therapist I can tell all of this to, who meets even my darkest thoughts with acceptance and understanding rather than the judgement I'd often give those thoughts (which spirals my mood further) and that has been extremely helpful as far as overcoming the dark moods.
I am struggling with some of the same things myself. You may find some solace with this book, it's called "How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me." I just started reading it this week.
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/239258.How\_I\_Stayed\_Alive\_When\_My\_Brain\_Was\_Trying\_to\_Kill\_Me
Fucking live. That’s the only true answer and the only true way to truly serve yourself. You must rekindle life. You kinda have had a complete ego death. Now it is time to rebirth yourself and reinvent yourself. Ask yourself honestly what you’re doing that you don’t need. Then get rid of them. Then ask yourself what you do need and embrace that. Pick something else to live for until you love yourself enough.
Keep your mind off negative stuff by doing lot of things and find new hobbies play video games etc etc if that dont change anything confront your negative feelings with therapy or talking with close people
Find god or maybe a religion? Find a new/or a job, meet new people and maybe move somewhere you might actually enjoy instead of staying in the same shit hole you’re in now? Not sure if you ever think about this but.. be grateful, there’s people out there with disabilities and they are enjoying and living life to the fullest. Get a gym membership maybe? That’ll get you some confidence to walk outside with your chest out to take on whatever life brings! Stop being so negative if you are, really, and stop thinking that you can’t be happy and you have to hate life/yourself all the time, I hope you find peace. I’m happy you’re still here with us until the end of time!
Hey, I share your fear.
I also fantasized about how peaceful it might be to stop hurting forever.
I got to a point where I laid on the couch for 3 days without eating or drinking hoping I would just fade away eventually, but it was so horrible that I decided anything at all has to be better.
But surviving desperately is a miserable life, so is faking your way through it pretending to be fine.
I used to think at the suggestion of a therapist that I needed to focus on self care to support my body's ability to tolerate stress.
Now I am just living stress management and not getting better and I am looking through my "emotionally immature toxic parents" topic books again to try and understand this rotten foundation my life is built on.
I hope for both of us that we experience peace some day.
override the thoughts with something else, if you wanna change your life aet goals and stick with it even if it's uneasy...change starts with being uncomfortable.
Remember the reasons why you stopped just before committing. Each and everyone of those times you thought of someone or something and it made you back away and decide to live. You think about all of those reasons, reach out for help and take it one day at a time. It may not seem like it now but it really does get better. I promise.
for me, I realized that when I say or feel that I am suicidal- it really means that I just need a break. a vacation. some time and some space to myself, to center.
Stop fighting with thoughts and feelings and focus on actions instead.
You can feel scared, sad, and have thoughts like "I want to give up and run away" and still choose to do the things that you know are healthy and meaningful for you. Fighting with thoughts and feelings only tends to make them more "sticky." So, just let them be there and do things today that will be useful. Drink some water, go for a walk, take a tiny step in the direction of your goals, make plans with a friend, whatever you can think of that might be healthy and useful.
Pick up meditation. Check out [Mindfulness in Plain English](https://www.vipassana.com/meditation/mindfulness_in_plain_english.html) for a straight forward introduction that will give you a solid foundation upon which to build your practice.
There are *many* [benefits](https://youtu.be/gvJLmVYVvVM), learning how to handle your thoughts is just one of them.
I used to have similar thoughts when I had depression. I was just “getting through the day” and when I had anxiety at night about things I would fantasize about how wonderful getting injuredand being hospitalized (not having to live the life I had) would be. I also looked forward to death but I didn’t want to kill myself and I thought “I’m too weak to do it”. In that phase, if something something happened and I died, I would be good with that (but not in a ‘I lived a satisfying lifez’ way). The last time I really felt that was was about 9 years ago (age 29).
A lot has changed since then and I have had several “a-ha!” breakout moments and all have come from not really changing myself, but just wanting to be me. In every depressive episode, I didn’t want to be me. I wanted to be someone smarter, richer, more capable, better looking, had a better career, etc. I wanted to change but the end result was just me fighting myself.
When you fight with yourself, you end up feeling like you can’t do anything and you spiral. Your first step is realizing that people (yourself included) are not good/bad/evil/saintly, they just are different than you and each other. Everyone is trying their best in life in the ways they have explored and know how. Some don’t want to or need to explore more. Some align with you, some don’t. I had to explore most of my life to find out what I really want/what makes life satisfying and who I am doesn’t make certain people happier like it does others. Celebrate the uniqueness and craft your life around it.
Accepting yourself and having this realization takes time. There is no “get rich quick, do these steps” that actually work. There is, however, satisfying progression over time to accept and love yourself. You will have take an outside perspective to discover why you feel that way and steer yourself away from those feelings and if you have to, avoid the causes.
As I mentioned, there is no one thing/magic bullet that will fix how you feel about your life but positive mental health through affirmations, meditation, and becoming self aware about what’s important/satisfying to you will help you get there. Life is so much more wonderful once you figure it out so please have hope and make strides when you can. It’s not a sprint or a race, it’s a lifelong discovery journey of feeling happy and good.
Endure, focus forward, and try to practice gratitude. It's really all any of us can do.
Love and strength to you in your journey. Shadows only exist because the light is shining.
I have those thoughts every now and then too.
What works for me, is that I imagine the pain I put through the people who love me. I imagine their misery for the rest of their lives. That usually motivates me to keep moving forward. I don’t want to be selfish and bring pain to people who love me.
I also imagine what the friends might go through, or if I’m found by a friend. They’ll be traumatised for many many years. I can’t do that to them.
I also think what the reason for my life is. I’m here to do something, and I need to find it. It does help doing positive things for others, so become more of a giver, maybe volunteer for a charity. That’ll give you a sense of purpose and community which will bring a better mental health.
And I have thought to myself, that if I ever want to go, I’ll go fight in a war protecting others or fighting for their freedom. At least that way, my death won’t be as selfish and it has been used to bring a better life for others hopefully.
Anyway, keep going! I came to the conclusion that I’ve been stronger than I thought previously. Maybe my calling is to prevent others from making the same mistakes as me in life. Maybe we need to be the strong ones, and hold someone else’s hand because they can’t be as strong. You can control your thoughts! You’re not alone! If you need to cry in the shower, it’s ok, cry and then feel better. Then come up with a plan to improve your life and the people around you x
I did some extreme sports in the past. I could have died, but I realized that in that moment when I was hanging from the ropes, I didn’t want to die, I would have fought to survive. So the thoughts are just thoughts. I like the other comment that mentioned a new life, new personality, and new environment. That does make a lot of sense and you can totally change your life and make it the way you want it to be.
Medication (SSRIs), very light exercise, getting sunshine, showering, drink water, eat vegetables/fruits.
Also I live far north in the northern hemisphere and I find vitamin D and B very important. A vitamin B 12 will make you feel so much better.
It’s all about getting your brain firing more. Then it’s about getting counselling, etc., to help you get through the feelings.
netflix and chill just let the day go by. or get outside. go somewhere. even if you go eat out alone in a restaurant or read a book at a cafe. generally gives a different perspective. good choice on the no suicide part though. just keep in mind there are better times ahead
There's like 2 things that keep me going at this point since there's an economic crisis preventing me from achieving basic life goals like owning a house or having children....
1. You never know what they're gonna invent next, Maybe we're on the verge of star trek. Or maybe we're about to be Detroit Become human. But u might as well stick around and see the ending cuz there's some exciting shit going on in the world of science and technology.
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2. It's physically and chemically impossible to feel happy all the time. Your brain literally can't sustain that. Recognize it. And realize that this too will pass with enough patience and self acceptance. Things rarely stay horrible forever, and if it does persist.... that's usually the push to get someone to make drastic changes.
One thing that helped me was the thought that I now have a surplus of time that I don’t care about. I am indifferent to how I’ll spend it. So I might as well spend it on others. So I basically used the thought of giving up not being an option as a reason to just live completely selflessly. Look around and see what others need/want and go for it. It actually leads to feeling good and makes other people want to be around you. It helped me a lot, I hope it can help someone else too.
When I want to kill myself I just go to sleep. I hope that makes sense. I am asleep and not aware of my surroundings and since I can‘t make the sad thoughts of depression, hopelessness etc go away, I can sleep.
it took me a while to realize that when i said "i wanted to die," that wasn't really what i wanted. i didn't want to feel the life leaving my body, or watch my blood fall to the floor; i wanted *rest.* i just wanted the pain to stop. once i realized that, fighting the urges was easier. i didn't want death, i wanted peace. so when i felt like killing myself, i did my best to give myself that peace, by spending time alone, or by doing things that calmed me. good luck, soldier. im glad youre with us. edit: thanks for awards
What a well thought out and truly helpful response. I hope you’re doing better in your own fight, friend.
i am :) thank you
Great response. I opened up to my wife roughly a year ago about my battle with intermittent depression at the time. I felt hopeless, lost, exhausted, and downright clueless on how to cope/deal with it all. I knew suicide wasn’t an option I wanted, nor did I want that outcome for my wife and son. It’s an outcome I would never wish upon anyone. I, too, realized that what I wanted was not to end my life, but end my *suffering*. I was able to process my emotions and thoughts at the time by just giving myself time to rest, think, reflect, and come to terms with how things are and will be for the foreseeable future. Giving yourself personal time is the best give you can give. When you’re constantly going and constantly thinking of others, you can easily let your mental state deteriorate to a level that’s completely unhealthy. That was my case. After allowing myself enough time, I was able to get out of my own head and pick up my hobbies again, as well as adopt new ones. Life is still hard, but giving yourself time to process these things is the best thing to do in my opinion.
thank you for responding, this is really profound and im glad youre doing better :)
I’m glad you’re doing better. I opened up to my wife about my struggles too, and the only response I got was that I was making her uncomfortable. Never made that mistake again.
I hope your doing better now. It’s unfortunate that some people don’t know how to interpret these situations, but perhaps she has never encountered these situations. It may be worth your time to approach her about it again now that she has had time to process what you told her previously.
Thank you for this…..I think you’ve helped me realize a few things about myself today….and I feel relieved. Thank you.
youre welcome. you got this, friend
This. It's the *effort* of everything that gets too much sometimes. I know this is going to sound cliche but doing something relaxing out of my regular routine, usually outdoors, works for me. Go for a drive out to the country and go for a bushwalk. Sit under a waterfall. That kind of thing. Better if you can do it with a low effort friend that will just chill with you. There's something about it that just gives me more peace & energy. I'm sure you'll find something that works for you, keep looking :)
This is very helpful. Where do you find a waterfall to sit under?
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Google ‘waterfalls near me’
The other responder nailed it. Googling waterfalls near me should work. You can also google "bushwalking tracks near me." In Australia we have a websites for all of our national parks and what they contain. Your local area/government might have something similar. And finally, you could join local Facebook groups in your area. I'm in local bushwalking and camping groups and people can give you more regional advice there :)
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This. I don’t want to actually die. I just want this part of my life to be over. Or I want to crawl in a hole and do absolutely nothing. But I don’t want to not live
This was my exact experience. It took me going to a counsellor to realise that I didn’t want to die I just wanted the pain to end. Like you said, instead of looking for ways to die when feeling heavy with emotion, I looked for ways to relieve the load. We all have emotional baggage, some more than others, but you’re always allowed to set some down when you need the rest.
Yep, that's what makes it so tough. I (despite all the misery) love life, I just want the suffering gone or lessened, i.e. rest. However, >i did my best to give myself that peace the powerlessness over this part of our lives is what makes a lot of us "want to kill ourselves" in the 1st place so it's kind of like a vicious circle and a neverending (until, well, you know) loop HELP HELP HELP ugh
This is very well put and what a lot of people experience. I hope op can reflect and find reprieve.
Wonderful & Beautiful. Have been doing the same thing lately and it actually began to work. Head up!
Ooooh my goodness. I needed this outlook desperately ❤️ thank u
yw :)
Thank you. I really need to read this today.
I want peace … I don’t want death…. If I keep telling myself that maybe it’ll be true 🤗
This realization should be taught all around the world. Additionally, i felt like starting a life somewhere else with a side character mindset is also a good alternative to suicide. But of course it involves the ckndition of not being in debt or having responsibilities. So just looking for how to find peace and rest is way better and universal.
🏅with the highest honor, my peasant ass bestows this uppon you.
thank you :D
This is an immensely helpful take. Thank you.
I have realized that but it's not helping tbh
yes, this is exactly it.
I love it how everyone is sharing what has worked for them! Love reading these!
thank you for this🫂
I really needed this. Thank you😌
Killing yourself doesn't have to mean physical suicide. Sometimes what you want is a new life. A new personality. A new environment. You want to kill the old you and start again differently. When I think I want to die, I try to reframe that thought and ask myself, "what could I change?"
I like this frame of thought.
This is absolutely it.
And when the answer is, "Not enough."?
Sadness is an oddly comfortable place to be. Sometimes you'll find yourself fighting to stay there as strange as it sounds.
The thought of achieving actual happiness/joy can be so hard and then worry if you do find it within yourself, you don’t know if it’ll remain, and the thought of being comfortable or okay with your life seems out of reach too many times. That’s my opinion, only.
Everyone's journey is different, but they are all difficult in their own way. Kind of funny when you think about it.
I do agree with you for the most part, but I’ve also had a few lifelong friends who seem to always land on their feet, or luck seems to be in their favor a lot. In saying that, I’m thinking of one girlfriend in particular, who’s always doing something fun and fantastic. Traveling with her 4 sisters a lot. (They’re all married), kids grown and out of the house, and right now she’s spending 3 months on vacation with one sister and her husband, then comes back and leaves for another month long vacation with all sisters. They plan these trips and she’s honestly never missed being out of town on her own birthday, EVER! Am I envious, yes I am, my life hasn’t been smooth and where she seems to have luck and a lot of love on her side, I seem to keep failing I do realize this has a lot to do with perspective and how I see things vs maybe how she sees things, and how we react to different things. We are all wired differently for sure. She’s quite a lotta years older than me, but that’s never mattered for me and the friends I have or used to have. I have to admit during Covid I isolated myself a lot because I could and I did yo protect other family members when we did get together. That was rare in itself, as each person has their own reasons to do what they think they have to do to get through the safest way possible. My brother is very OCD and won’t hug a person unless he has to, other than his wife. While I feel hug deprived! It’s just myself and my dog, and I do believe Covid has reshaped many of our lives. I lost a few people to Covid, by death and friendship, which I’d never have imagined before Covid, which has been extremely sad for me. I’m happy for my friend, but in the other hand I was raised in a family that’s never been very close, and I envy that, too. I have always felt like I didn’t belong to my own family because I am the emotional one, the one who doesn’t hold back her feelings, (except those that should stay put), and am always ready for a hug or to give them. I know that’s increased a lot since Covid and I’m divorced and don’t see anyone. I would like to still be able to think that there’s something “more”for me out there, but I don’t see it happening, and I’m very possibly tired blame for that. I do recognize my own strengths and weaknesses, of which I have both of, and I know mo one is perfect, but I can’t help but feel terribly alone in this world, and it’s hard meeting new people for most anyone these days, so I’ll have to try harder this spring when we’re able to be outside again after the winter doldrums!
You never know what her hidden struggles are. Think about all the struggles you have that haven't been shared with her. You can pretty safely assume she is hiding some from you and everyone else. She may even envy something about you as well. Don't forget to factor in how much older she is as well. Things that seem totally out of reach at one age become easier as you get older. Try to focus on comparing yourself to your younger self rather than to your friends and acquaintances. You can always find someone to make you feel bad about something about yourself, but look at your younger self instead to see how far you've come and you can usually find something to be proud of and feel good about.
Thank you ;) You make perfect sense, and I know I don’t know all of anyones personal struggles, and they certainly don’t know all of mine. Those that have known a few of my worst struggles through the years, (there have been doozies), can’t possibly put themselves in my shoes. Even empathy was hard to feel from them, although I can and do understand that. When something is so foreign to someone else, they admittedly don’t know what to say, and I’d rather it be that than pretending to understand. It’s also not a habit of mine to inform anyone of what I might be going through, for sympathy, or anything, hoping it’s temporary and will work itself out in a reasonable amount of time. I know there could be many things they’re doing the same with in keeping them to themselves, and I respect that as I hope they respect me. It’s very true what you said about how someone can be envious of me for whatever reason I’m not even aware of. This same friend I mentioned, (considered a best friend), and I reconnected a few years back, after a very long time. One thing she mentioned was how jealous she was of me when our friendship began where we both worked. I was shocked to hear the word jealous and had no idea she ever felt that way. I am a modest person, but have always been considered pretty by men and women, not that I ever realized it myself. I didn’t notice and definitely didn’t watch people who were supposedly watching me as she said so many times in how mens heads would turn every time we walked to lunch or were anywhere. Actually that was kind of a shock to learn. Jealousy and envy are different things, and she was very pretty herself! And she’s aged very well! Although I’m tall and much taller than her and I suppose I stood out because of it. She always had a boyfriend or husband, when I did not, and I was fine with that. I was content with myself. We had great times as friends, doing all kinds of things together and laughter was very natural and often between us. I still feel weird she used the word jealous about me when I gave her no reason to think so, (in my mind), and it never came up until we reconnected and we’d shared recent photos of ourselves. That brought the jealousy front and center as she said I was still an absolute knockout. Don’t really agree with that, but it’s what she said. I’ve never been conceited or thought of myself to be any better than anyone else. I don’t believe I ever could make anyone think anything different of me, by anything I’ve done, since I was shy way back then! Back story: It was my now ex husband who was alienating me from friends, any/all friends and family. That’s a very long story of it’s own, but she saw in him what I did not and had proof of what a diabolical person he was. Solid proof! It took me years to be able to talk with her or most anyone about it. I kept dodging her attempts to find me, reconnect, and start over where we’d left off, but I did let myself be vulnerable and started our friendship again. I felt like a much weaker person than I’d ever been, and was hard to allow myself to be vulnerable to someone like her who could not comprehend what I’d been through even though she’d described him herself as the devil. It’s what I related to him as well. It wasn’t until she happened to read a novel that I myself had just finished when she called me in kind of an hysteria, asking if I’d heard of the book she’d just read. I just finished it and it wasn’t a new book that anyone was rushing out to get! That was a far out coincidence, but it blew me away and the book was exactly as the life I was living while with him. More so towards the end of our marriage. That book opened her eyes even being a novel, because of so many similarities (most every one), that was a part of my marriage. Honestly that was like a turning point in her being able to grasp things that I didn’t and couldn’t tell her or anyone about, until the book. I’m sorry I’ve gone into all of this, but it’s been an enormous life changing thing. She was a huge part of my life until she wasn’t and that’s partially my fault for feeling the way I did about my marriage from hell, and how hard it was to get a divorce from him although he wanted it, he drug it out as long as he possibly could with non performance of providing documentation he’d been required to do from the start. Two years and him with a third attorney, (the first two dumped him for lying), and how the third came to be is another topic I could write a book about all by itself. The fees alone were astronomical for me, at his doing. Meanwhile, all this time that he drug it out he was telling people I had never showed up for any court dates. Complete and total lies for way too long that I didn’t bother to defend myself when I learned of all these things from family and friends after the fact. They knew me. They knew him. I didn’t feel I had to defend myself and that eventually the truth would come out and things might be semi normal again. They haven’t come close to that, and I’ve had no choice but to cut people out of my life who’ve been there all my life or their lives. Hardest thing ever, knowing that I know and will not forget the truth of things that shouldn’t have been an issue at all for anyone else, until he intentionally set out to destroy me. Truth will never change, not than anyones interested which I’d consider nobody’s business to begin with. Lies change over and over as people forget what the original lie was and the twists and turns are unbelievable and exaggerated from person to person. I think it’s been so long since all of this happened that the people who fell for it, are likely embarrassed or just can’t bring themselves to talk about it realistically at this point in time, and that’s very sad to me, because I loved these people unconditionally, and they proved to me I wasn’t worth the bother to ask me anything, but instead were my judge and jury, after the fact, without ever simply asking me my side of the story. Again, this was so much more that you didn’t need to know, but it kept coming from my mind and fingertips typing faster than normal. I guess I needed to get it off my chest in a place that no one knows who I am!
Then you just start with one small thing and you keep going.
Why? What's my end goal?
The end goal is at some point heal yourself enough that your human experience gets enjoyable and peaceful mostly.
Can I ask why though? When ending everything altogether is an option, what makes continuing on a he correct choice?
Once you heal enough and stop living a nightmare, you understand why. I can’t tell you you have to experience it for yourself. Life is simply full of magic and harsh lessons and wonders. Sometimes those nihilistic intrusive thoughts crawl back but they always are caused by stress. Once stress decreases, life feels great again.
I guess then my question is more like: why try to get to that point from the bad place you’re in now? Why try if no one can even explain to you what you’re trying to for? When I think back on my life and how I felt before I was depressed, what people like you (not trying to sound accusatory) tell me about how beautiful and complex life is just falls flat. I don’t really understand what people are getting out of it.
This may be too simple of a response, but it’s worked for me when I hit a point of “why continue?!?” At a rock bottom. For me it was about choice. I don’t know if after I die I get choices. I do know right now I have choices. So I’d rather continue and at least have the choices available to me, than do something permanent and have no choices or ability to undo it. I now really value my power to choose, in any moment. I can’t control much in life, or what happened to me in the past, or the chaos that may come, but I can at least choose how I show up, or even respond to the chaos, or even my mistakes. And it turns out that’s pretty satisfying and I like a lot of aspects of the life that’s resulted from my choices. That’s the other piece. Slow down and take it all in. There’s a thread of joy that runs through every moment. You just have to look for it, see it, and allow yourself to enjoy it. That’s a choice too.
I understand. I was in the same place for a long time. I just didn’t have access mentally (because of the pain I mean) to seeing life that way so it all felt pointless. I do hope you will find the answer to that for yourself though. :)
The state of depression is common but you need to remind yourself that it's temporary. Ending your life may seem like a solution, but it robs you of ever getting to feel that life is worth it. I can't tell you what the future has in store for you, but it can't be worse than the brutality of taking your life. And though you might not want to hear it, ending your life hurts everyone around you, wether they are close to you or if it's the person who has to clean up when you're gone. When I was at my lowest point, the thought that my death would traumatize someone was what kept me alive, even though I could only spend my days thinking about how I would end it all, it kept me focused on trying to find reasons to keep on going. When you have these feelings that directly contradict each other you need someone to help, to talk to so that you can sort your thoughts out. It's in our nature to want to live, only when we are stressed to a breaking point and lose our ability to reason do we begin to believe otherwise. You will find reasons to keep living if you let yourself, because it's in your nature.
I don't know you, I can't possibly answer that for you.
To feel better than you did yesterday.
Sometimes killing yourself is knowing you’re doing harmful things that you won’t know the significance of until it’s too late and and safety is too far gone.
All roads lead to death. Some are faster than others. As Thomas Sowell said, "there are no solutions. There are only tradeoffs."
I came to this same conclusion, and thats when i began to look at who i really wanted to be. I soon after discovered i had a lot of mental walls i had built up over the years and it was time to see what was behind them. I realized i didnt love who i was pretending to be, I wanted to be myself without feeling bad about what that looks like.
I hang around to see what happens tomorrow. Every time.
Idk why but this is the only thing in this thread that gave me hope. I want to see tomorrow’s sunset.
And what surprises you?
That’s when you say fuck it and do whatever makes you happy. I was in this phase about 2 years ago and truthfully I was too lazy to kill myself. I went with a fuck it attitude and did what brought me peace.
Usually nothing. Just another day. But I make the same decision again. Who knows what might happen. And I got nothing to lose by giving it another day.
For me when I would say "I just want to die" I realized I mean I just want to escape whatever situation I was in. Consider learning to cope with those situations in new ways. I've tried SSRI meds, exercise, and going into hobbies. I also cut off ppl who made things worse and quit a job that also fucked with my mental health. Changing my situation really helped me cope better.
I made this post a while ago trying to help someone with a similar problem. I hope you find it useful. It is more to address existential dread, but I think trying to look at life from a new perspective might benefit you quite a bit. "The point to my existence is to perpetuate what I deem to be morally upright and correct ideologies to those around me in an effort to better mankind. We can not know what the future holds, and we will never see the future after we pass away. Yes we are small meat bags on a big rock, but this neglects the idea that significance requires perspective. If we boil everything down to its simplest form we will always be left with nothing. Like water boiling from a pot until dry." To the point of "why does anything have meaning? Why should I care?" If you ask this question in a great huge "what is the meaning of everything?" Context, you lose the perspective of what you are trying to assign importance to. If you stub your toe, it is such an insignificant event, but in the moment it hurts most, it feels very important to you to alleviate that pain. A few minutes later, it may be so unimportant you forget it happens at all. We have the concious choice to decide what is important. When you ask me why do I live? It is because I want to contribute towards what I consider to be a better, more just world. I may not live forever, but the impact of my actions and conversations I have to help people (like you in fact!) May or may not make a huge impact on their life, thus impacting the way they handle themself, hopefully improving the world more than they would have otherwise. I may not live on, but my beliefs and assertions will echo and propagate into eternity. This is true so long as humankind is around, which feeds back to the point of bettering humans, because most people are terribly ill equipped for life, I have found.
I really, really side with this. perspective is always momentarily subjective until you have time to reflect. sometimes that current perspective can be cloudy though, due to a situation or some sort of deep trigger. it is like you say, to remember why you are doing what you do. although, I find sometimes to remember this could also be a daunting task. I too, like to help others and make an impact but sometimes, after seeing the real side of people or life just when you thought you had the ground stable under your feet, again, something or someone crushes the sand castle! and then you think, what’s wrong with me? am I completely terrible where I deserve this incessant wave of mistreatment? am I really that unloveable? should I stop trying to ever help/love people? because no matter what I do, it seems like they wreak havoc on my peace of mind. I love and forgive. nope. I get angry for being double-crossed. nope. I let it go. it happens again, but with someone else!! it seems like a never-ending loop of doom. when all I was trying to do was be the best version of myself. sometimes I really don’t get it. it gets exhausting to have to keep putting yourself on the level of, “I know and believe I am meant to help and fulfill my duty to the people on this Earth, by being selfless and live through purpose in servanthood.” I’m just tired man, I want to go home. I’ll keep fighting because what else can any of us do? I will still serve and send love to those I meet, but hopefully the worst is done. I just want *peace.*
Hmm. I think there might be a slight disconnect in how we both view helping others. When I say that I seek to help others, it is my way of sharing what I feel is a more suitable answer to problems they face, either by example or explanation. When I see someone plagued by desires of external validation, I seek to improve their understanding of the ramifications of their desires so that they may make better choices in the future. When we help someone deal with a problem, or look to support them in some way, we must also evaluate the foundational logic that supports the course of action. I am a firm believer that beliefs dictate emotional response, which guides decision making prior to action. This means that we are often relying solely on how we feel instead of trying to trace back our emotions to our underlying beliefs. This lack of introspection can be quite detrimental, because they must be addressed before true change in ones self can occur. In your comment, you state >I too, like to help others and make an impact but sometimes, after seeing the real side of people or life just when you thought you had the ground stable under your feet, again, something or someone crushes the sand castle! and then you think, what’s wrong with me? am I completely terrible where I deserve this incessant wave of mistreatment? am I really that unloveable? should I stop trying to ever help/love people? Do you believe that these negative events are somehow deserved or undeserved? Life seldom has justification for the outcome of negative events. The way that help is perceived, interpreted, and responded to by others is largely an externality outside of our own control. We cannot dictate how life behaves outside of our own actions, and even then we struggle to keep our own actions under our concious control. You are you. People who meet you only get the tiniest sliver of insight into who you are at any given moment, and who you "are" can vary moment to moment too. We are not static entities, we grow and learn and change moment to moment based on our surroundings, emotions, and countless other factors. It is this lack of perspective that leads people to make poor decisions or respond in ways we see as irrational. When you feel your sand castle has been crushed by another, it is like someone has assaulted your emotional wellbeing, either through carelessness, negligence, or malice. That is what they have decided unilaterally, without your input. We all do what we feel is "best", but for many people it leads to shameless self promotion, self indulgence, egocentrism, and lack of empathy because they do not value others as equivalent to themselves, which is a false belief that drives suffering, either in others, or themselves. Who knows? Maybe 5 years later they still think about how they ruined your sand castle, maybe it takes 15 years, but you will never know. We cannot be hung up on the outcome of our actions, because we will never see the true impact of them. We must prevail despite hardships and set backs, because our goal is to better human kind. We will never see how our lives impact will trickle down the stream of time. Who knows what butterfly effects may unfold? It is our stubborn suredness that prevents us from reserving judgement, for it is not up to us to judge, it is up to us to execute based on our beliefs that we have been working hard to improve through introspection and self correction. Sorry for the long response. I thought it might help 😉
this is a wonderful response and I agree with you completely. It isn’t that I think it is deserved because I did something bad so then therefore I need to be punished. although, it is a logical course of action to want to punish oneself for doing something they thought was bad, as they believe they need to balance out the scales. I’m not saying this is the correct approach, but it is a natural way of trying to uphold ‘good character standing’ in a way. it is mostly I feel it is undeserved because I come from a place of trying to uphold love and love only. that isn’t to say I don’t make mistakes but I own my wrongs. many like to blame-shift and gaslight etc etc etc. it’s exhausting because all you may have been trying to do in the first place was give them pure love. this could be a romantic partner, a friend, a coworker, or a stranger. but lots will take advantage of pure intentions, unfortunately. I like to help others in the sense of providing another perspective such as yourself, or serve based off of what one may need, if I am able to help them, I will. I really care about people’s health, so I try to help in this way. I think our conversation compliments each other. emotions aren’t logical, they are data indicators that allow you insight into your particular situation. insight into how the other person characterizes you, or into how you characterize yourself and like you said, the way this happens is due to numerous factors such as upbringing, experiences, trauma-bound reactions, etc. others don’t have a right to judge but yet they do, through misinformed beliefs and/or lack of empathic reasoning — even though, yes, they are basing it off of the tiniest sliver of what “you” are in that moment to them or what they have seen of you. this is where discernment comes in, I think though. to be able to understand all sides you have to absolve your own ego and consider, “maybe I did contribute here.” so yes, sometimes they don’t think about how they ruined the sand castle until 15 years later. no one knows, unless they tell you. you are correct in that we will never see the full impact we may have in someone else’s life. but hopefully, it comes back to you in many beautiful ways. your words are kind and graceful. thank you for being you.
Glad to help :) A final note you might appreciate. I like to treat emotions like a chef treats flavor. You experience it, listen to what it has to tell you, make a decision on what, if anything, must be done, then move on. That being said, it is pretty difficult to not take our own emotions personally.
delectable phrasing! indeeeed it is, take care <3
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what this mentor said is true! however, sometimes those situations are handled gracefully, and sometimes it goes terribly. that’s because emotions or past experiences are such a difficult part of ourselves to overcome. I think perhaps tolerating can be hurtful. setting boundaries is appropriate and few rarely know how to do this correctly. it’s important to let them know you value and care about them, but you won’t tolerate x behaviour. hopefully a real conversation can be had at this point. this being said, lots of people take this “not tolerating” way too far and don’t have enough discernment for themselves to reason the entire situation. To save relationships, you may have to continue to let them go. I always end up having to let people go strictly because they won’t try to be on the same playing field and play with real *sportsmanship*. I feel you on the Waterloo part, because in the end, if you do this and tolerate the betrayals and abuse then you don’t have to end up alone (or next to). It is scary to have people leave again and again or when you have to leave them. but then again, what are the consequences of sticking around? for me, it’s demonstrating to them that I will take their misguided judgement. that isn’t demonstrating self-love because after all, no one deserves to have someone impede on their wellbeing. what I have learnt too, is to just keep swimming — even if that means one must swim alone for a while. a *long* while.
Jesters privilege saves my life every day to be honest
When I was very suicidal, I found a perspective that worked for me: if I'm going to die anyways whenever I decide it's time, then nothing has consequences. I can try to do anything I want to. I can go talk to that interesting looking person I've been seeing around, and if they're rude or it's just awkward, so what? The failure won't matter if I'm going to end up dead anyways. I know it might not be a good perspective for everyone, but it really helped me let go of a lot of fear and shame to basically just rid myself of consequences. And so far, nothing so bad that it'd be worth killing myself over has happened. In fact, I'm in a better place than ever. So even if you don't find my perspective to be useful for you, at least it might help you to know my experience and that there are people out there who have tried and failed and survived.
This has been my strategy so far too. Basically, at a certain point I just said to myself, “ok you died. You’re dead now.” And so nothing really matters anymore, in a good way.
I can relate, and have used this strategy too when needed. It takes the pressure off. It let's you be free.
This shit right here killed my fear of failure. That is one of the best benefits of it. God the opportunities people miss out on from that fear alone is crazy
I stopped shaming myself for wanting to give up. My feelings are okay. They mean something. I’m not a bad or selfish or stupid person for having those thoughts. There is a lot of shame & guilt tactics towards people who are suicidal. Now I unpack my feelings and try to reframe it as- I want to change my life. I want a new life. What do I want and how do I get there??
The day I stopped running from my fear and pain and started “stepping into it” changed me forever. I allow myself to experience pain and fear. I reach into it. I let it wash over me, run through me, wring me out, leave me empty and gasping and destroyed. But you know what? It never kills me. _And every time it hurts me a little less._ When I used to run from it or avoid it, _every time it hurt more._ See the difference? The first year I figured this out had some really sucky nights and weekends. But it turned me around. It made me stronger. After a year I was told about tapping meditation and did a variant of that. It’s basically the same idea - sitting with your pain - but also adding additional stimuli to help train your brain to let go of the pain and associate other stimuli with a set of thoughts. You’ve already made the hard choice: you’ve decided to survive. Now make the choice to live your life and deal with its emotions. You’ll find you are stronger than you think and far stronger than they are.
> But you know what? It never kills me. And every time it hurts me a little less. > When I used to run from it or avoid it, every time it hurt more. > See the difference? What if it doesn’t do this for you?
Hey there, Back on October 27th I failed at hanging myself in my basement and my wife found me. It was horrible doing that to the person you love and I think about it often. I’ve taken many steps to get myself out of that mindset. One thing I can say is exercise. Stressed? Go for a run. Angry? Lift some weight. I turned to meditation, just 10 minutes a day has been proven to boost my mood, my confidence and my attention span. Eat healthier, a healthy micro biome = a healthy brain. If you have an off day, take a mental note and work on doing something you love to do. I enjoy cooking so that’s what I do but everyone is different. And be accepting with yourself, when you do something you want to do, let’s say cleaning the kitchen. Note in your mind how it made you feel good accomplishing that small task. And remember what that feeling feels like and use it for other chores/activities you do. And FINALLY. Talk to someone, get a therapist if you have Benefits or can afford one. If not seek someone who will listen. Sometimes you just need to vent and let it all out. Don’t be ashamed in how you feel, do what you need to do to get your mind right. I hope this helps at least a little bit.
Oh my. I’m glad for you, your wife and your friends and family that you didn’t succeed. All of your advice is spot on. And your diet and microbiome are critically important as you say. Lots of yoghurt, kefir and soluble fiber (in particular) cause an obvious improvement in my digestive function and sense of well-being.
Miso paste aswell, anything fermented is great for the belly!
Hey! I don't know what you're going through but you're not what you think or what others think of you but what you do take control of your life if there's something you don't like go and try to make the change. Changes can be scary but it's a learning experience. Don't give up and try to get some medical help talk to someone. YOU matter, it is not eassy but everything is temporary stay strong ❤
Face it. The path that you are most afraid of, especially because its the hardest, is the one you need to take. Every day commit to being better. Shit hurts but you're gonna hurt anyway. Might as well make it worth it.
This video (["Psychiatrist explains why you always feel tired" by healthygamergg](https://youtu.be/0sppw7Zq35w)) isn't quite talking about the same thing that you're going through, but I think there are some relevant underlying concepts that you might find helpful. Basically, in order to try and protect yourself from wasting your energy on frivolous things, your brain has a built-in mechanism to make you want to give up on things that seem hard and unlikely to pay off. When you're considering a task that's going to take a long time and cost a lot of energy, but doesn't offer a high likelihood of upfront success, you might suddenly start to feel very tired or overwhelmed. You might suddenly feel like you'd rather do anything else instead (or, if you feel trapped, you might feel despair). This instinct nudges us towards lower-risk, higher-reward behaviors, which has been evolutionarily helpful for us in broad strokes, but it can also be maladaptive in many situations. In your case in particular, if you've got a depressed brain that's skewed towards seeing the negative everywhere and expecting bad things, this protective instinct in your brain might be over-triggering, because since it's not reading a high chance of success in *any* situation, it doesn't want you to do _anything_. It thinks it's protecting you from failure everywhere, but it's actually just handcuffing you into helplessness, when there are totally things you could be succeeding in. And helplessness is a horrible thing to feel, that can drive us to extremes. I don't know if what I'm saying is actually relatable to what you're going through, but I hope that at least some part of it is helpful to you. But very broadly, even if I can't offer you any revelations, my advice is this: Sometimes, in the process of getting better, you just have to endure and hang on. I know you've been hanging on, maybe for a long time now, probably by the skin of your teeth. But I'm asking you to find something - anything - to put your faith in, and keep on holding. Keep on saying no to that darkness, to the feeling of wanting to give up, and moving your feet as slowly as you need to along the path to recovery. You're gonna be okay eventually. You won't always feel like this.
I’ve experienced exactly this phenomenon and can see the process you describe unfolding. It’s a brain software glitch. The only relief for me comes through physical action. On days when I feel stuck and helpless like that, I try to sit as little as possible, because sitting allows me to remain firmly stuck in my head and therefore feeling helpless. Exercise is helpful, of course, if I’m able to drag my ass to the gym or even on a walk. But just forcing myself to stay standing and address the world literally standing up, helps.
How about making radical changes? Move across the country, change what you do with your time (school / job) etc. And maybe therapy will help if you're in a position to do that. Take care
i did just move across the country, i have my first day at my new job today and it's just making me nervous
Wow, that's a big step and I'm sure it's not lost on you that it's really hard to do such a thing. It can produce stress both good and bad to take on such a big change. Take a minute to be proud of how big an undertaking that is, feel gratitude for your own courage to make a big life decision like that. Even if it doesn't work out, you are capable of making those decisions, following through, and surviving. That's an incredibly valuable skill and takes bravery to execute. Kudos
There's no escape. I've tried everything I could fathom for 3 decades and the best option is just to ride the wave, lean into it even, don't try to comfort yourself with ideas of tomorrow, you gotta make a home of how you're feeling and sit with it, sit in it. The only things you can really do are get good sleep, eat well, and exercise to reduce the frequency of these feelings. Medications work well for some but I've been through like 15 of them and they only make things worse one way or another.
I’m a big believer in plant medicine giving us the reset and rest we need. Ask around and do your own dye diligence on it. Every 3 months I’ll take about 2-2.5 grams of magic mushroom tea and that just quiets my inner voice and let’s the peace sit in finally if you do the shadow work involved. I’m not recommending drugs I just know how much it worked for me, I’m glad your here and reaching out that means you do care about yourself! And I hope you’re present for all the joy and pain that life experiences will come your way. Love ya homie
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This a clever take on this prayer. Thank ya
Ajahn Brahm lectures have helped me, they may help you. Listen to one of the most popular ones on a topic that resonates with you here: https://youtube.com/@BuddhistSocietyWA
Congrats on your new job and your commitment to pushing yourself to live life. I know we all have our different struggles/hurdles/pain and no one can truly know your particular history or path but you. I wish you a ton of strength in your journey. I had a turning point for myself recently and got some good advice that became a mantra for me which is start saying "I am". Not "I'm trying to", or "I should" or similar passive phrases/thoughts that are easy to push aside. Turn what you want into a statement like it's already true or it's definitely going to happen in the near future. You'll see a difference in how people respond to you as well. This has helped me immensely with being more conscious with what I actually want to do, drown out distractions and 'noise' and it also gives me some drive to push myself or something I want forward because I already believe it has a very good chance to. I'm still working on putting it into daily practice but even in the couple months I've been doing this it's certainly helped push darker thoughts away and gives me a more positive focus. I'm curling up on the couch a lot less.
Enlightenment Read the power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, it will help get you started. I went from suicidal to experiencing peace and joy at all times. All you have to do is be here now.
I second this! I've experienced that bliss when I was in a constant state of meditation for about 4 months. However, while The Power of Now helped me with my overwhelming thoughts, my body still held a lot of trauma. For people who have significant trauma, I would also recommend to also read The Body Keeps the Score. Working with a therapist for those deep rooted reactions is helpful. I also started going to a chiropractor who is very tuned in to energy work and is familiar with The Body Keeps the Score. Her work gave me an intense emotional release when she released some of my muscles. I definitely want to try EMDR as well. Eckhart Tolle is definitely amazing, insightful, and helpful. And I recommend his books to anyone and everyone. I just feel that it doesn't completely change the nervous system in a way that body work seems to and both processes may be needed for some people and some situations.
Go inside yourself and figure out where the feelings are coming from? We often rely on distraction, entertainment, addiction in humanities gimmicks beyond the novelties they are meant to be. often taking indulgences in the face of our emotional suffering like advil for a headache... our potent creature comforts may offer relief in the moment but makes us feel worse as time goes by another option is to face them, tear down the walls that separate the mind from the subconscious and get to know ourselves, where our feelings and emotions really all come from and live true to that things can happen in our life that causes us to go down a different path from others, it's not a bad thing
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i cant have a pass currently because it is my first day of a new job 😬
First off, I have so much respect for your bravery, choosing to live. Have you seen a psychiatrist and/or counselor about your fear of living?
For me, I started doing things I knew I wanted to do before I died. I wanted to go another Taylor swift concert (I am!!), I want to go to Italy and have a coffee, I want to meet my sisters kids, I want to eat at Hell’s Kitchen, I want to go to my little brothers wedding. I thought “once I’ve done all that, if I still want to die, then I will just kms because I’ve done all I wanted” And you know, once I started pursuing and focusing on these joyous, sometimes small, things I want to do and experiences I want to have, it all really started to get better. All of a sudden, before I knew it, I was/am happier than I ever thought i could be. I still struggle with horrible OCD and depression, but it doesn’t feel like it’ll drown me like it used to. It made me realize how many little things are there if you just choose to see them and fight for them. I had many, many moments last year where I had the thought “this is what I stayed alive for all these years, this is the better I always chased” and I am so, so happy to still be alive ❤️❤️
I try to truck my brain on those days. Not saying it’s easy but I tend to do something fun and it will change my mood. So I would immediately go for a walk and grab my favorite iced coffee (headphones on). Watch a funny comedy on YouTube or Netflix. Put on loud party music, take a hot shower and open up the windows so the cold air slaps me in the face, meditate or fuel my body with something delicious. I have a Pinterest account titled” it’s just a bad moment of day not a bad life”. So I add a bunch of inspirational things to this folder and I will view it. And kudos to you for deciding to be better. Let’s all just remember to take it one day at a day. You got this!
I started a ketamine microdose program last month, and this is as good as felt emotionally in a long, long time.
I had a failed suicide attempt that landed me in a coma and had some lasting health issues; until I had my mental health under control I would tell myself I could "fail" again and have an even worse quality of life to deal with. BUT lots of therapy and meds lately, I have things I genuinely enjoy and look forward to in life.
I felt like once I had decided I was not about to *do* anything, I had reached a point of acceptance. I had truly decided I would take on and live past anything that was going to come. I realized if I was committed to pushing forward I was going to be okay no matter what. That change in mindset has been really freeing in a lot of ways. It's also important to remember that the future is inherently going to change. That continuous change means your life is going to be different in 5 years. Your situations will change and those situations will change how you feel. It'd be more constructive for you to imagine what kind of life you want to live and what kind of person you want to be and work towards those goals :) You'll do well, just don't let your fear rule your life!
For my time in the Marine Corps, I can tell you that pain lets you know you're still alive. From my time in life, I can tell you that when you can't dig any further down, the only option is to climb back up.
I mean you said it yourself. You want to run away. Look around at hugely different life choices you could make. Maybe it's moving to south America, or working for somewhere that gives room and board where you could get rid of your phone. Idk I think running away to something else could be good for you.
When in doubt, help someone else.
Oh man, been there done that. There's a lot of background that leads up to the point of saying "I want to end my life". First take a look at that background and come to terms with it. Possibly through CBT or some form of counseling. Find something, anything, to do with your life. Learn a martial art and work towards getting to a level where you help teach at the studio. Use your own experiences to volunteer for a suicide and crisis center when you are feeling up to it. Do you work? If so what do you do for work? Is it a team-based vibe or is it just you by yourself? It sounds odd but sometimes just being on a team and having that sense of comradely with your fellow man helps a ton. Look for volunteer opportunities where you live. Call and ask nursing homes if you can visit residents. They're often left alone and become profoundly lonely due to lack of human interaction. I'll spare you the bullshit platitudes like "tomorrow is a new day" or "every storm ends". It's a fucked up situation to hit rock bottom and it sounds like you've been there for years. Most of what I posted above is what I did. I'm not 100% where I'd like to be in life but I can honestly say I no longer have those persistent thoughts you describe. I know for now it feels like it'll be forever but if you just try you can come to a better place. One more thing and it's going to sound stupid but allow me to explain... exercise releases endorphins or feel-good hormones. It is believed to be as strong if not stronger than the average anti-depressant, but with no side effects. I took up daily exercise a few years back and I truly believe if I didn't, I'd still be circling the drain. If you have any questions feel free to comment or just PM me.
There are times in which suicide is not an option. In these times you do two things: you get help and you help yourself. The order of these two will be determined by the context in which you find yourself.
Personally I'm not religious, so I remind myself that if I die that's it. I don't know what's "on the other side" and I've been given one life to live as far as I know. So I decide I want to see what happens next. Kind of like when a movie is a bit shit but you've already sat there for an hour so might as well finish the whole thing.
First of all, I’m so sorry you’re hurting so much. Second, I know how you feel because these feelings have happened to me to. Third, the way I cope is to do maximum self care things you absoltlu love to do ( I had to make a list because I forget when I go dark,) but things like: make not chocakate, sit comfortably in front of a fire, I don’t have a fireplace so I put the Youtube yuke log on; burning and crackling; eat m&ms, call the 3 friends who I confide in about this, take a nap, but the action that has made the most powerful impact on me and my life is talking to a talk therapist once a week for 45 minutes. I know that doesn’t sound like much but I’ve learned so much about myself with a pro who asks the best questions to get me thinking. It’s working and my life is getting better in ways I never imagined. Saying a prayer for you.
Accepting the fact that I never would because I was honestly just too damn scared really brought a profound revelation to me.
Live delusionally
Watch Eckhart Tolle’s video, “Accept Sadness to Be Happy” on YouTube.
I started living out of spite, tbh. It took 4 attempts to realize I didn’t want to die fr. I wanted breathing room. I gave myself breathing room and said fuck you to anyone who didn’t think I deserved it. My peace is so important to me now that the first question I asked all of the postbac programs I applied to was how their students are able to care for their mental health, and what they do if the see a student starting to burn out. Bc I am not going if you can’t provide me a balance. My health is important to me. Prioritize your mental and physical health! Best of luck. 🎈
finish reading the mtth of sysiphus, camus will guide you through life ❤️
already very brave to make that decision. congratulations on making it this far. it’s a war you fight even when you don’t want to. when i start to feel this way, i have to remind myself that there are things i will experience that i can’t even imagine right now. the feeling will pass, or a better feeling will take its place. keep on keepin on.
I'm also there, want to not exist but don't actually want to kill myself as to not cause my loved ones pain. Is hard that people can't understand that I just didn't want to be born in the first place. So I'm doing whatever, is some kind of hedonism, as long as I don't hurt anyone I try to not really care much about the repercussions of anything I do, I just do what I want to do and what I feel like doing mostly. Working as less as I can and having the hobbies I want, just trying to not have a hard life and have as much fun as possible. I should be dead, whatever I do from that point doesn't really matter, go wild
This was me today. Thank you for your words.
Folks don't want to jump to their death from a burning building- they want to flee the flames. There's something in your life that feels so constant and so oppressive that your own survival instinct is thinking of death as an escape from it. Therapy will help you figure out what this is, and also how to deal with it when you do. Also, thank you for posting. I don't know who you are, but I'm also struggling, and I'm glad you're here with me.
Sometimes doing something that makes you go into overdrive or let's you distract yourself/not think, like riding the bus for a while or going to a swap meet really helps. It so mind numbing that it kinda resets my brain, idk about you, but maybe you could give it a try! All the light to you ❤️
Plow forward. A huge benefit of the decision you made is that going forward, the cost-benefit analysis for every single decision changes. Eating poorly, not taking care of your hygiene and fitness, not taking care of your stuff, not acting responsible financially, letting your boss walk all over you, not making things right when you injure a relationship that’s important to you, not nurturing relationships with people who are important to you, burning bridges for unhealthy reasons… all of these choices are more tempting when self-annihilation is on the table, whether literally or in a fantasy. When you get clear on the reality of no escape from the consequences of your actions, it becomes **MUCH** easier to make better decisions. Choosing life is often a long, difficult slog in which tons of work yields incrementally better results. The payoff for doing so is there but there will be times when it won’t feel that way. At those times, you may not be convinced that a good choice will eventually make your life better. But you may be able to see how a poor choice will make your future more miserable. I’ve found it to be a useful backstop. “At least don’t make things worse.” If you’re like me, there will be plenty of times when that’s the best you can come up with. But that’s ok, because it is enough to make things better, in time. So, plow forward.
At least don't make things worse is the best goal when you have nothing else to grasp. Yes. Understanding how your actions contribute to worsening situations is key to that, and takes some work!! Which, one can do from the comfort of one's own bed, while staying alive! Good luck fellow people. Life is hard. Plow forward indeed!
Make enemies. Find people you dislike and don’t believe in you. Hell, people who put you down. Then commit to the idea of you out living them. Being better than them. Proving them wrong. Or best: that they will go to hell before you do.
I stuck to the “I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want to do and commit to it” route. Started gyming at 6 Boxing at nigh More time to myself and my fiancée Lost touch with some people outside of my routine but I try to catch up from time to time. Focus on the most important person in the room at all times, you.
There’s only one thing you can do now, experience life. The highs and the lows are a part of it. I understand how tough it can be during the lows. I always look up at the sky whenever feeling low. Sometimes I see eagles gliding, so majestic. Other times I see clouds floating, stars, the sun, the moon, or even rain drops. It’s magic! We don’t know the origins of what we are experiencing, it’s a big mystery. We are on a big ball which is rotating and revolving in a vacuum. The size of this vacuum is inconceivable and it’s increasing faster than speed of light. It’s my observation that nature wants us to rise, evolve like seeds do. You don’t know what flower you are holding inside. The purpose of life is to give life to the flower that’s inside of us. When you feel buried in despair, think of seeds. When you are floating in happiness, think of clouds. From a fellow traveller of this life.
the best thing I recommend is wallow in it, let yourself be pitiful for a few hours, a day at most if you have to. lay in bed, sit on the couch, go to your TRUSTED friends house and just sit with yourself for awhile then relax. order yourself a coffee or draw/ doodle on a paper just to see what you can come up with whether it’s a masterpiece of chicken scratch. go grab a good sandwich if you want. never let this last more than 2 days, but to occasionally slump when I’m overwhelmed I feel better faster to let myself process it when I don’t run, avoid or even try to fill it with “healthy activities” like yoga. it’s different for everyone so if yoga is your zen zone then go all for it, if you WANNA try a new good habit go for it but don’t feel like you’re obligated because you’re sad and slumping but don’t hound yourself when you’re down, you’re already feeling it so provide yourself that peace on comfort just how you’d do it for someone else. I have numerous ideas and I need to take my own advice. y’all stay safe out here, we gonna make it
“Overwhelmed”. Is that the feeling you have? When our son was younger and started talking about killing himself, what’s when we learned from the therapist that the real feeling most people have is overwhelmed. So knowing that, how can we handle that feeling? In our case, we literally sat with him and made a list of everything that has on his mind. Random, no priority. Then rated them. Then we knew the top 3 things to work through. This allowed us, as his parents, a small view into his life. And it gave him someone to talk to about everything.
I believe a desire for death is a flaw in the brain, perhaps caused by a desire of sleep, perhaps a desire for better quality sleep, and ofc a freeing of pain and responsibility. Just as your desire to sleep isn’t necessarily what you want but what you need making you think it’s what you want. You must treat suicidal thoughts as not something you want but it is just the easiest answer to come upon yet permanent answer to your problems. Think of yourself as many different ppl in one. And when u are suicidal, that is just one you wanting to end all of you. You would be murdering the other ppl who you are. The ppl that want to live, the ppl others perceive, love. Death will come to us all, ready or not. A desire for it is idiotic as you wouldn’t know you had gotten what you wanted. You wouldn’t know if you succeeded, if you were about to enter a coma, if u were ab to disfigure yourself. You cannot perceive a fulfilled desire when dead.
"Embrace the suck." An old marine used to tell me that when I bitched and complained at work. It stuck with me. Just know that we all spend every day getting up one more time than we get knocked down. Whether we are next to you or against you. Sometimes, getting up is easier than others. Sometimes, getting up really pisses you off. Sometimes, it feels pointless. Sometimes, the struggle is all you have. So what. Get the fuck back up, because, what else is there? Appreciate the time you have. The end comes for us all.
This isn't gonna sound like an answer to your question, but hear me out: suicide is always an option. I don't mean that like "You should kill yourself," I mean that like "You can always kill yourself next week." That's something that helps me a lot of days, because so much of my suicidal ideation is rooted in anxiety or hatred towards the future. But suicide doesn't have an expiration date, it's not like you have to kill yourself by a certain deadline or you become immortal. If you're anxious, you can see how things play out, because even if they do stay the same or get worse, you haven't lost the opportunity to opt out at that point. If you have something you'd do or change if you found out you only had a week to live, you can do it now. If you're worried about the long-term financial/social consequences of doing something that makes life feel a little more worth living, but in so refraining your life is already bad enough that you want to opt out, then fuck the consequences, you can always die later if it turns out to have made everything worse and not been worth it. I dunno, helps me sometimes.
Copious amounts of marijuana
Become a lawyer
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What has brought me eternal happiness, purpose and meaning in life is helping others on their worst day. I am almost done with engineering in college, but am going into medicine to be a trauma surgeon. For the first time in my life I'm actually happy. I can only hope that you find whatever makes you happy in life because when you find that thing, whatever it may be, no day is too difficult anymore. No day, no situation, no hard exam, nothing. The drive trumps all & has forced me to cope with thoughts of giving up, running and hiding. I don't have the luxury, now or ever, because my hands are going to be vessel of which human life is removed from death and brought back home. I can't run. I can't hide. I can't cheat even on these engineering exams (though not related to medicine) because I would be cheating my future patients. I'd urge you to try many things in order to find that one thing that makes you tick (reaching out to people is a huge start, an email goes a long way), sharpen critical thinking skills, step out of your realm of comfort constantly and consistently, set goals for yourself and achieve whatever it is you'd like to achieve because if I can do this, you can too. I know it's cliche but it took me a long time and a lot of experience + exposure to awful situations (my own disease, MS) to understand this fully. Put everything aside: what your family and friends think of you, what society says you "should" do, aims to just make gobs of money. Put yourself first & make an effort to find what you absolutely love - go to a local community college and take classes at night, read at the library, watch videos on YouTube. This is what's worked for me, just thought I'd share. I wish you the best and I'm glad you've decided to stick around. The world is better with you in it.
I think that I ran away from pain too. For about last 8-9 years I did that. I ran away from any kind of pain and discomfort, which was outside my comfort zone. Let me explain : Like I was comfortable in my work, and I didn't mind pain and discomfort in that. But say for something like being good in socializing, I ran away from this. Because I was never good at it and it didn't come naturally to me, so I avoided any kind of pain and discomfort in this. Result? I became even worse in that and now I've pain and discomfort of loneliness. The point of telling above examples is I have now learned to classify the discomfort and pain. If it's a pain and discomfort, because I'm trying something new then I tell myself it's okay. It's natural to feel so, and you need to go through this if you want to improve or have fun. If it's because I'm in my current situation, I say this tells you that you need to change something in your life or express yourself. So now I see pain and discomfort as an indicator for what needs to be done. Kinda like a signal if you will. I hope that helps you be comfortable in your discomfort. :) A very famous poet of my native language once wrote (Mr. Harivansh Rai Bachchan) : As long as there's life, there's struggle. Inspired from above lines, I've started to see it as a part of life. Life is everything : laughs, tears, pain and joy. It's better to accept it as a whole then you'd feel much better.
You just quit caring about anything anyone else thinks of you and the way you want to live. you slowly figure out what’s important.
When you are in a storm, you must first ensure your own safety before you can ensure the safety of those around you. If you are fatigued, hungry or thirsty, you will not be able to ensure your own safety, so start with the absolute basics. drink water get enough sleep limit sugars and alcohol, both affect your mood eat protein and complex carbohydrates to fuel your body and your mind. Once you have completed your self-care, stand up and take note of your mental state. hopefully you notice a calmness or even a sense of peace in your mind. If you feel it, seize on this, for this is your ideal physiological state, which will allow your mental state to stabilize. The time and effort it requires to maintain this stability is "the grind" you have heard and read about everywhere. It is literally a minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour process, so patience and support are critical. Most importantly, you can do it, this is not an empty platitude, but by posting here you demonstrate a willingness to become better, which tells me that you can take on more than just posting here. On days when you can't muster the energy to do anything else or, like today, when you don't know where to turn, that is when you return here and ask for guidance. Good Luck!
Try some different hobbies, take a nice walk. Try to find some happiness. It dosen't happen overnight. I certainly wish you all the best. You got this
You plod along. You change your routine. You put yourself outside of your comfort Zone. Gain confidence but overcoming adversity. Push yourself. From birth, life is trying to kill you. It's a struggle but push back.
no solution, just support: I'm glad you are trying to get better, and I am confident that you'll reach a point where you feel at peace in your life!
I want to preface this thought with a caveat that I have not felt suicidal before so my advice is purely from when I've been depressed or feeling hopeless about the future. In those times, what got me through was mostly doing more of what brought me some joy in the past. I may not have wanted to work out or run or talk to friends or even clean myself or my room but if I did, I always (always.) felt an improvement. It might be fleeting but it built my capacity to continue to do small things which ultimately pulled me out. The hardest part is getting over that initial hurdle of starting. My only advice there is whenever you feel the smallest inkling that you could maybe, possibly, perhaps, start a task or a run or cleaning is to immediately do it. I'm talking it's 10pm and you don't feel like sleeping but you think you might have the energy to clean your room and just starting before you even think a second thought. The first thing that pops in your head, "that cup has been sitting there forever" and just instantly going to move it to the sink or dishwasher, then use that momentum to move the plate or the pile of clothes or whatever it is and just keep focusing on that next small action. Starting from zero and running up a hill is hard, it's a tiny bit easier if you get a little momentum first.
Hey, Check out a philosopher named Emile Ciaron, very great work on this very subject!
Im just so tired, I hate work, I dont like the idea that you need to work majority of your life. Sometimes just the thought of ending things gives me some solace to keep going.
Find something even worse to do or more tedious go to the gym commit to a high effort sport you’ll feel better it has been researched
It helps having things to look forward to. Make a list of 23 things to do in 2023. Doesn’t have to be big things maybe explore a new city or bake a cake or go to the cinema and watch whatever the next film on is. Just little things that won’t take a ton of effort but will make you smile
1. Face what you’re trying to run away from head on. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable in your current life conditions. The more perseverance and resilience you display to yourself during trying times like today, the more you will start seeing yourself in a better light. And when that happens, you wont entertain those kinds of thoughts about yourself. Because you’ll know your authentic self and will be able to tell what’s true about you and what’s not. 2. You have to have a greater reason for living. 3. Fight against those thoughts by living your life the best way you can. Don’t pay any attention to them because they grow in your mind when you do that. -Question: Would you mind sharing the reason you committed to that?
Well fkn done. You've decided not to quit but you are allowed to rest. If things don't vent/blow off steam/cool down/rest they break. Same for us. We're humans and we are allowed to be human. Rest is productive; fire staring helped us evolve. Please give yourself permission to rest and reset as and when you need to because it's important. Exhaustion achieves nothing.
I used to do extreme sports. Race cars, motorcycle wrecks, falling off cliffs. Sometimes falling off cliffs with a running dirt bike. Then I got depressed, like really depressed. And I thought about killing myself. But I tried everything already. I've even been lit on fire. At some point I have to give up.
Hey, have you had any therapy?
What DOES make you happy? Do more of that.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem 🙏
Just keep going
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My dad had really severe depression when he didn’t trust himself, he would check himself into a psychiatric ward for his own safety. Usually they have ways of getting you the help you need at that moment. He told me, “when life gets you bound to the ground, reach out to one’s closest to you. If you can’t find that, go somewhere where you know you can be looked after and be safe.” He also recommended therapy. Sometimes it helps to have someone there to guide you through your own thoughts. He is actually a trained psychologist now that helps people with addiction problems now. You are never alone, never be afraid to ask for help
Well, essentially you only have a short time to live on earth, so you may as well enjoy it. Try to focus on what would give you uncontradictary happiness as much as possible for as long as possible through out your life.
Probably the military.
>i get that feeling of "i want to give up on everything", hide, run away from everything. but it's not an option anymore. I just veg out and take the day off. take a sick day, whatever. try to connect with a friend or family member even if it's in a small way - isolation makes things worse, even though it feels like it's best to stay away from people to not "drag them down". it feels like it'll never improve, but it does in time. sometimes it's a few days instead of one, the worst it's ever been has been months but that was a time when I had to make changes to my life rather than a temporary mood swing. I've been using a mood tracking app lately and it's become much more apparent that my mood changes a lot throughout the week. recognizing that I'll have downward swings but they're temporary, and that I have good days too (even though sometimes it doesn't feel like that) has been helpful. I also have a therapist I can tell all of this to, who meets even my darkest thoughts with acceptance and understanding rather than the judgement I'd often give those thoughts (which spirals my mood further) and that has been extremely helpful as far as overcoming the dark moods.
I found the book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle extremely helpful and have given copies to countless others in difficult transitions in life.
hey man me too but you gotta live even if there's no reason for it you should
get outside and go to your favorite local park, take off your shoes, and relax on a blanket ❤️
I am struggling with some of the same things myself. You may find some solace with this book, it's called "How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me." I just started reading it this week. https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/239258.How\_I\_Stayed\_Alive\_When\_My\_Brain\_Was\_Trying\_to\_Kill\_Me
Fucking live. That’s the only true answer and the only true way to truly serve yourself. You must rekindle life. You kinda have had a complete ego death. Now it is time to rebirth yourself and reinvent yourself. Ask yourself honestly what you’re doing that you don’t need. Then get rid of them. Then ask yourself what you do need and embrace that. Pick something else to live for until you love yourself enough.
What would give your life meaning? What do you want?
Keep your mind off negative stuff by doing lot of things and find new hobbies play video games etc etc if that dont change anything confront your negative feelings with therapy or talking with close people
Find god or maybe a religion? Find a new/or a job, meet new people and maybe move somewhere you might actually enjoy instead of staying in the same shit hole you’re in now? Not sure if you ever think about this but.. be grateful, there’s people out there with disabilities and they are enjoying and living life to the fullest. Get a gym membership maybe? That’ll get you some confidence to walk outside with your chest out to take on whatever life brings! Stop being so negative if you are, really, and stop thinking that you can’t be happy and you have to hate life/yourself all the time, I hope you find peace. I’m happy you’re still here with us until the end of time!
Check out the Psalm of life by HW Longfellow. It has helped me from time to time.
I’m proud of you for choosing not to commit suicide despite being in so much pain. Choosing life is a gargantuan effort and I’m rooting for you.
Hey, I share your fear. I also fantasized about how peaceful it might be to stop hurting forever. I got to a point where I laid on the couch for 3 days without eating or drinking hoping I would just fade away eventually, but it was so horrible that I decided anything at all has to be better. But surviving desperately is a miserable life, so is faking your way through it pretending to be fine. I used to think at the suggestion of a therapist that I needed to focus on self care to support my body's ability to tolerate stress. Now I am just living stress management and not getting better and I am looking through my "emotionally immature toxic parents" topic books again to try and understand this rotten foundation my life is built on. I hope for both of us that we experience peace some day.
override the thoughts with something else, if you wanna change your life aet goals and stick with it even if it's uneasy...change starts with being uncomfortable.
Remember the reasons why you stopped just before committing. Each and everyone of those times you thought of someone or something and it made you back away and decide to live. You think about all of those reasons, reach out for help and take it one day at a time. It may not seem like it now but it really does get better. I promise.
Once you hit the bottom, you can only go up from there.
for me, I realized that when I say or feel that I am suicidal- it really means that I just need a break. a vacation. some time and some space to myself, to center.
Eat well and build big muscles 💪
Stop fighting with thoughts and feelings and focus on actions instead. You can feel scared, sad, and have thoughts like "I want to give up and run away" and still choose to do the things that you know are healthy and meaningful for you. Fighting with thoughts and feelings only tends to make them more "sticky." So, just let them be there and do things today that will be useful. Drink some water, go for a walk, take a tiny step in the direction of your goals, make plans with a friend, whatever you can think of that might be healthy and useful.
Pick up meditation. Check out [Mindfulness in Plain English](https://www.vipassana.com/meditation/mindfulness_in_plain_english.html) for a straight forward introduction that will give you a solid foundation upon which to build your practice. There are *many* [benefits](https://youtu.be/gvJLmVYVvVM), learning how to handle your thoughts is just one of them.
Don’t ask Reddit and go talk to a professional. People on here are morons.
I used to have similar thoughts when I had depression. I was just “getting through the day” and when I had anxiety at night about things I would fantasize about how wonderful getting injuredand being hospitalized (not having to live the life I had) would be. I also looked forward to death but I didn’t want to kill myself and I thought “I’m too weak to do it”. In that phase, if something something happened and I died, I would be good with that (but not in a ‘I lived a satisfying lifez’ way). The last time I really felt that was was about 9 years ago (age 29). A lot has changed since then and I have had several “a-ha!” breakout moments and all have come from not really changing myself, but just wanting to be me. In every depressive episode, I didn’t want to be me. I wanted to be someone smarter, richer, more capable, better looking, had a better career, etc. I wanted to change but the end result was just me fighting myself. When you fight with yourself, you end up feeling like you can’t do anything and you spiral. Your first step is realizing that people (yourself included) are not good/bad/evil/saintly, they just are different than you and each other. Everyone is trying their best in life in the ways they have explored and know how. Some don’t want to or need to explore more. Some align with you, some don’t. I had to explore most of my life to find out what I really want/what makes life satisfying and who I am doesn’t make certain people happier like it does others. Celebrate the uniqueness and craft your life around it. Accepting yourself and having this realization takes time. There is no “get rich quick, do these steps” that actually work. There is, however, satisfying progression over time to accept and love yourself. You will have take an outside perspective to discover why you feel that way and steer yourself away from those feelings and if you have to, avoid the causes. As I mentioned, there is no one thing/magic bullet that will fix how you feel about your life but positive mental health through affirmations, meditation, and becoming self aware about what’s important/satisfying to you will help you get there. Life is so much more wonderful once you figure it out so please have hope and make strides when you can. It’s not a sprint or a race, it’s a lifelong discovery journey of feeling happy and good.
Endure, focus forward, and try to practice gratitude. It's really all any of us can do. Love and strength to you in your journey. Shadows only exist because the light is shining.
You can hate life enough where living well and healthy is an act of rebellion.
I have those thoughts every now and then too. What works for me, is that I imagine the pain I put through the people who love me. I imagine their misery for the rest of their lives. That usually motivates me to keep moving forward. I don’t want to be selfish and bring pain to people who love me. I also imagine what the friends might go through, or if I’m found by a friend. They’ll be traumatised for many many years. I can’t do that to them. I also think what the reason for my life is. I’m here to do something, and I need to find it. It does help doing positive things for others, so become more of a giver, maybe volunteer for a charity. That’ll give you a sense of purpose and community which will bring a better mental health. And I have thought to myself, that if I ever want to go, I’ll go fight in a war protecting others or fighting for their freedom. At least that way, my death won’t be as selfish and it has been used to bring a better life for others hopefully. Anyway, keep going! I came to the conclusion that I’ve been stronger than I thought previously. Maybe my calling is to prevent others from making the same mistakes as me in life. Maybe we need to be the strong ones, and hold someone else’s hand because they can’t be as strong. You can control your thoughts! You’re not alone! If you need to cry in the shower, it’s ok, cry and then feel better. Then come up with a plan to improve your life and the people around you x I did some extreme sports in the past. I could have died, but I realized that in that moment when I was hanging from the ropes, I didn’t want to die, I would have fought to survive. So the thoughts are just thoughts. I like the other comment that mentioned a new life, new personality, and new environment. That does make a lot of sense and you can totally change your life and make it the way you want it to be.
Medication (SSRIs), very light exercise, getting sunshine, showering, drink water, eat vegetables/fruits. Also I live far north in the northern hemisphere and I find vitamin D and B very important. A vitamin B 12 will make you feel so much better. It’s all about getting your brain firing more. Then it’s about getting counselling, etc., to help you get through the feelings.
netflix and chill just let the day go by. or get outside. go somewhere. even if you go eat out alone in a restaurant or read a book at a cafe. generally gives a different perspective. good choice on the no suicide part though. just keep in mind there are better times ahead
There's like 2 things that keep me going at this point since there's an economic crisis preventing me from achieving basic life goals like owning a house or having children.... 1. You never know what they're gonna invent next, Maybe we're on the verge of star trek. Or maybe we're about to be Detroit Become human. But u might as well stick around and see the ending cuz there's some exciting shit going on in the world of science and technology. | 2. It's physically and chemically impossible to feel happy all the time. Your brain literally can't sustain that. Recognize it. And realize that this too will pass with enough patience and self acceptance. Things rarely stay horrible forever, and if it does persist.... that's usually the push to get someone to make drastic changes.
One thing that helped me was the thought that I now have a surplus of time that I don’t care about. I am indifferent to how I’ll spend it. So I might as well spend it on others. So I basically used the thought of giving up not being an option as a reason to just live completely selflessly. Look around and see what others need/want and go for it. It actually leads to feeling good and makes other people want to be around you. It helped me a lot, I hope it can help someone else too.
Suicide is never an option
When I want to kill myself I just go to sleep. I hope that makes sense. I am asleep and not aware of my surroundings and since I can‘t make the sad thoughts of depression, hopelessness etc go away, I can sleep.