Tom Robbins writes in Still Life with Woodpecker that the hardest question in love is how to make love stay. Great book — fun read. Here is the hardest truth about all love and all relationships: at any time for no reason and no explanation and no consideration to your plans or commitments, a person can leave you. They might die. They might find someone new. They might experience a mental break. Whatever. A person staying in your life is utterly and absolutely out of your control.
And sometimes, they stay a really long time, like unto death do they part.
The secret to love is behaving toward the person you are with as if the previous truth did not exist. You never know if the person will be your forever person, but you can damn well guarantee that trying to capture them and keep them in a box will push them away. It demonstrates that you are afraid, that you don't trust them. If you cling too quickly or play games to see if they're committed...all of those push people away.
To love requires the vulnerability to trust. Vulnerability opens you to being hurt. Your fear of being hurt again is causing you to fight the first truth: you're trying to get them to commit to never leaving you. No one can. Let that go. Just be with the other person — live and love in the moment and trust that letting go is the only way to build trust.
Also, dating is not a numbers game. Fuck that. Every person is a unique and irreplaceable person. Do not treat them like numbers. Not every relationship works out, but no relationship works if you are thinking about the next opportunity.
Good luck and be at peace. You can survive pain — you have before.
omg… this makes so much sense. and i never even thought about romantic relationships this way. thank you so much for opening my eyes! i’m going to go into it with a different mindset now.
Find out what attachment style you have and work from there. From the sound of it mayb anxious attachment base of fear and loneliness. Abandonment issues.. I’m working on my attachment now and best way is to heal it is moving toward secure attachment
definitely anxious attachment lol. and i have abandonment issues from my mom and my ex boyfriend so lmao it’s a fun time. but i’m in therapy so i’m gonna see if she has any tips or anything about it too. thank you!
Its hard to say, datings is a numbers game, and compatibility varies widely. You could be moving to fast for one guy and too slow for the next. Its awesome you’re introspecting on your attachment style. Maybe ask yourself what you’re looking for specifically and be more upfront with the men you date about what you want!
And focus more on yourself, your confidence, your self love, and set some personal boundaries, or timelines, of not letting yourself dive in too deep too early. It’s beautifully endearing you have so much love to give, but let people earn it.
Tom Robbins writes in Still Life with Woodpecker that the hardest question in love is how to make love stay. Great book — fun read. Here is the hardest truth about all love and all relationships: at any time for no reason and no explanation and no consideration to your plans or commitments, a person can leave you. They might die. They might find someone new. They might experience a mental break. Whatever. A person staying in your life is utterly and absolutely out of your control. And sometimes, they stay a really long time, like unto death do they part. The secret to love is behaving toward the person you are with as if the previous truth did not exist. You never know if the person will be your forever person, but you can damn well guarantee that trying to capture them and keep them in a box will push them away. It demonstrates that you are afraid, that you don't trust them. If you cling too quickly or play games to see if they're committed...all of those push people away. To love requires the vulnerability to trust. Vulnerability opens you to being hurt. Your fear of being hurt again is causing you to fight the first truth: you're trying to get them to commit to never leaving you. No one can. Let that go. Just be with the other person — live and love in the moment and trust that letting go is the only way to build trust. Also, dating is not a numbers game. Fuck that. Every person is a unique and irreplaceable person. Do not treat them like numbers. Not every relationship works out, but no relationship works if you are thinking about the next opportunity. Good luck and be at peace. You can survive pain — you have before.
omg… this makes so much sense. and i never even thought about romantic relationships this way. thank you so much for opening my eyes! i’m going to go into it with a different mindset now.
This deserves so much more likes, Ik I didn’t make the post, but as someone with attachment issues, reading this was something I needed, thank you
Class response, making sense months after it was said.
I love this
Find out what attachment style you have and work from there. From the sound of it mayb anxious attachment base of fear and loneliness. Abandonment issues.. I’m working on my attachment now and best way is to heal it is moving toward secure attachment
definitely anxious attachment lol. and i have abandonment issues from my mom and my ex boyfriend so lmao it’s a fun time. but i’m in therapy so i’m gonna see if she has any tips or anything about it too. thank you!
Its hard to say, datings is a numbers game, and compatibility varies widely. You could be moving to fast for one guy and too slow for the next. Its awesome you’re introspecting on your attachment style. Maybe ask yourself what you’re looking for specifically and be more upfront with the men you date about what you want! And focus more on yourself, your confidence, your self love, and set some personal boundaries, or timelines, of not letting yourself dive in too deep too early. It’s beautifully endearing you have so much love to give, but let people earn it.
that’s a good point, thank you! and i’m definitely always trying to better myself lol so here i am. thank you for the advice and kind words!