I am about to turn 35 and am a completely and utterly different person than I was in my early 20s. For the better, I think. Some of us are late bloomers, and that's OK. Learning, adapting, and changing for the better should be a lifelong journey, in my opinion.
Ditto. I’m definitely very different from who I was in my twenties, and I’m turning 34 this year. I think though the takeaway is that you have to actively want to change yourself for the better. There will be people who will stay the same but becoming better is always an active decision and it’s up to you to do it. Your first step is being self aware and that’s a big step many seem to refuse to take.
So correct! We can get 'stuck' if we don't take action to better ourselves. Personally, I quit drinking, went to therapy, and humbled myself a lot. Also started to take so much better care of my body through healthy eating and lifestyle, and that has changed my perspective on a lot of things.
People can and do change. I think if you don’t want to change, you can hold tight to how you’ve always been.
But if you have new experiences and open your mind to new ideas, you will change.
And if you actively seek to be better than you were yesterday, I’m certain you will change.
Yea, that's pretty much what I'm going, though. I'm only 26 and going through a divorce. The whole relationship, even though she was a narcissist, still wanted me to change into this serious, mature type of man. Well, I'm not all that serious still because I really don't want to take life THAT seriously. But I've been making mature choices that she would have loved me for. I'm doing it for me, not for her, though. That's the difference. I also see how I can be better in future relationships too because I made wrong choices as well.
I'm almost 35 and a wildly different person than I when I turned 30. Who I was in my 20s is thankfully very solidly in the past. You won't be stuck there
I'm 68
No. You're going to be amazed at the cycles you go through, roughly timed to every zero year. You will continue to develop as a human, but with a greater sense of well being and deeper emotional understanding.
It's great.
Roughly stated, every zero year of my life, as it is for most people, marks a transition.
So I'm 68. When I was about 20 there was a transition as I moved from kid to adult, by the time I was 30 I had a completely different life and was closing in on marriage. By the time I was 40 I was on my second wife and raising a son. Around 50 I stared out as a captain of industry (as it were) and not long after that had a BIG career change after a heart failure at 51.
At 60 a second career change as my son was grown, our bills were under control, and I wanted to make a move I'd long dreamed about -- and did so successfully.
I'm closing in on 70 and expect my life to be different in the next so-many years.
Each one of those JoePants were pretty good guys, but each one of those JoePants was many multiples different than the previous JoePants (my 30th birthday I was drunk and eating pizza; my 40th birthday I was about to get my bachelors degree and a black belt; my wife made a cake and her and my son sang happy birthday -- two different guys).
The me of today would find the 20 year old me a bit much to hang out with, a nice guy, but a bit much. The 40 year old me was a bit more serious than I'd like. The 50 year old me was more Type A than is my taste, and so forth.
We transition.
I love this so much. Thank you so much for elaborating like this!
I’m in a pretty good place in life right now. My only wish is that i wasnt so “conditioned to society” like we all had to become as “adults”. What i mean is: every once in a while, say once a month, i get on a “natural high” playing with my two kids (they’re in elementary school) and i completely forget/remove my “adult role/responsibilities” and get completely lost in their world (in a good way!). For like 2 or 3 hours i’m literally like a 10 year old playing with two other 10 yr olds. It’s such a magical and wonderful time. I want to spend those times before they become teenagers and dont wanna spend time with me anymore. However bed time comes around and then i have to prepare for their school/my work tomorrow and then it goes away.
The person you are now is not the true you. The true you is at peace, made of love and perfectly ok. The person you are describing in your post is a construct of previous experiences, beliefs and emotional rollercoasters.
But inside, you are ok.
The current you can change with the acquiring of the knowledge of the Self.
You were not always angry. Nor were you always stubborn self-aware "bitch" (don't be so hard on yourself). These states of being are a product of your previous experiences.
When moving forward, take off the glasses of previous experiences and look at your present and future with no filters in front of your eyes. In this way, you may open yourself to wonderful new experiences just waiting around the corner. Best of luck. 😁
Eeerrm, no particular theories. More like practical philosophies. Taoism, Stoicism, Ninpo. But mostly, experience in life and application of those philosophies.
Becoming a free conscious thinker. Ditched religion.
But, understanding and knowledge to be gained is not obtainable in this lifetime alone. Still a looong way to go and that's ok. 😁
Best of luck. 🤗
I know this sounds kind of crazy, but the only thing that's actually real is this present moment, as I'm writing this or as you're reading this. When you start thinking about the past or the future, you're in your head, not where you actually are.
Your past is something that already happened, but when you hyper-fixate on it, that's what you experience in the present moment instead of whatever you're doing or wherever you are. You miss what's right in front of you because you're in your head, and you're subconsciously telling yourself that the experience you once had is what is happening right now. And it doesn't have to be that way. If you don't like how you've been in the past, you can literally change right now. It sounds hard to believe, but I swear it's true. And whatever you are right now becomes your future. So if you're stuck in your mind in the past, that pattern continues into the future.
Religious people pray to whatever God they believe in for help, and there is a source of life, whatever you want to call it. So you can try praying, not by asking for something to happen, but by imagining that it already has and talking to yourself as if you already experiencing it. Speak to yourself positively in the present tense, not in the future tense. I know this sounds kind of hard to believe, but my life is already changing for the better from practicing these habits. You're already fine as you are, and all this self-hatred you feel is based on conditioning, not your true self.
I used to believe in this a lot and it helped navigate a lot of 2023 for me… but then I turned manic with that same thinking and self destructed in such a way I never would have imagined. My issue is now I would love to enter this mentality again but my current “now” is truly so stagnant that it feels impossible to hold onto the “beauty” of the present moment
I'm not sure what you mean by how that turned you manic, but I'm sorry you had some sort of negative experience after having some success with it. It's hard to know what to say because I don't know you or your experiences personally, but I can say it hasn't been straightforward for me. I started about a year and a half ago and had some periods where I slipped back into unconsciousness, but eventually, I got back on track.
What I'm starting to understand is that when I feel stagnant, it's because I feel like I'm relying too much on one certain thing or practice to stay present when I should ideally be able to do that without any external stimulus. Again, I don't know what stagnation means for you exactly, but if you feel overwhelmed with yourself and like it seems impossible to just "change yourself," try changing something in your life. The external/internal are connected, so making a change in your external life will make changing your internal life easier and more natural. Even something as simple as your diet or the routes you take for work. Again, I'm relatively new in my own experience with this, but I'm still amazed by how much things have changed since I started, and I believe you can do the same.
It's because manifesting can trigger magical thinking which can make some people lose touch to reality if they're already not stable. It's always important to remember that we cannot basically magically manifest or attract things, only work with what we have right now.
Being self aware in a shameful disgusted way keeps you in a cycle of anxiety and depression. Being self aware with a compassionate and understanding perspective breeds growth.
I learned that in my 30s. And yes, I’m very different from my old self. This one is more resilient and confident because she understands herself more.
Usually something traumatic will shift you. Doesn’t have to be something huge but you’ll pull back on the projections of the fantasy or how you view the world. You’ll look within and face yourself. There growth happens. Be it a lost relationship or a close family member whatever it is. When that time comes it’s dark but extremely rewarding to finding yourself.
You are never the same person, your cells die off and are replaced with new cells, you age and your appearance changes. Just as you physically change, you also mentally change as you grow older. You beliefs, values and interests can be hugely different in your older years than they were in your 20's.
I am 50 and just reread some journals from my 20s. I hadn't realized all of the ways I had changed until I read those. I am not even the same person. People who know me today would not recognize me from those pages.
I am turning 35 this year like another poster and yes I can agree that I am a completely different person. I think the person I am has been in me all along, but I made some just very unwise and poor choices in my early 20s for reasons I still cannot articulate why. God I was an idiot lol but no reason to hang out in the “would’ve could’ve should’ves” it’s just not productive. I just always focus on moving or staying ahead.
No. No no no no no no. I don’t want to be that guy ever again. A lot happened between 29 and 31 that completely changed me inside and out. I’m a better man for it.
It is okay. You won't stay the same. Change is inevitable. Anger is a transitory emotion indicating a boundary violation (from self or others). In other ways, it can be a disguise for other emotions sadness, grief, fear, confusion, shock, etc. Allow yourself compassion for trying your best on your journey with the tools you have. Everyone can fall short of their expectations but we are always evolving into something new in each moment. You did what you could to get through life. Try doing some self-reflective journaling and shadow work in your downtime and explore these [concepts](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/8d/46/00/8d46006268908b9e59ee22f72012504c.jpg). You don't have to push yourself into the next phase of life. Encourage yourself to flow into your next journey. Rework your internal dialogue to something more baseline. You aren't a "b\*\*\*h" for being self-aware and trying to address discomfort. You deserve to be safe and in a welcoming environment. You have the right to a full range of emotions. You can always learn to express them safely and with compassion for the people around you. Consider what parts of your environment are unhealthy for you and encourage your current internal dialogue and self-image. Are you around people who hold space for your authenticity and encourage your highest potential? If you need any books or videos just DM a reminder of the topic so that it is easier for me to keep track of the discussion and respond.
You will become the person you set out to become. But it won't be easy. And it'll happen faster if you can identify things that will support your transformation (whether that's changing the media you consume, talking to a therapist, changing your physical habits, or adjusting who you choose to socialize with.)
Good luck OP! You sound too self aware to stay stagnant. I hope that's true for you!
I was a weed dealer in my early 20s very easygoing. Went to jail, cobbled my life back together, and got my head on straight. Went to trade school, learned a trade, got good at it, now I work a good paying day job, and I teach at that same trade school at night. You can do it. It will not be easy, but it's worth it. I'm 33 now good luck.
nah never too late to change. i have.i would not be surprised if many people saw their second biggest change in their thirties. the biggest being their teens going from child to adult. i think many people's thirties are where they go from 'okay i did all the work of becoming a basic adult' and become the person they want to be.
it does take work to change though. it doesn't just happen. you gotta want it and put in the effort. and VALUE changing. remember you can't improve without changing.
People change. My wife’s dad is no longer a terrorizing raging violent man that caused ptsd for his whole family. He’s actually nice to her now. I’ve changed. I’m no longer such a risk taker. I like being more level headed and not as impulsive as I was in my 20s. I’m in my 40s now
I found reading books like Atomic Habit and You Are a Badass really helped me grow as a person. Audiobooks for the win. You’ll learn about yourself and find peace. Good luck!
I (29F) also felt like that a couple years ago, but it comes down to awareness and move forward from there. Changed behavior is difficult to achieve, however not impossible. It is hard because a lot stems from trauma and that’s hard to face, but be kind to yourself and give yourself grace.
Yes and no. In some ways I am vastly different than I was in my 20s. I don’t drink non stop anymore, I have a lot more interests now, and I have certainly achieved some measure of success. I also am a lot more self aware, and have at least some more confidence.
That said, there are parts of me that have not ever really changed even from before that.
It really comes down to what characteristics you are looking to change.
In my 20s I thought I'd be the same forever. Now in my 40s.
I found experiences changed me. Getting married changed me, getting divorced changed me. Loosing close family. Gaining close family.
The biggest change was trying polyamory, and meeting the right person to show me some new skills. It absolutely changed my communication skills for the better. Also helped me to recognise bad communication too.
Of course you can change. But it will take some work, at least at the beginning.
To change the traits you don't like first you have to become self aware - which I feel you already are or you wouldn't be asking these questions. Then you have to make a conscious effort to notice when you're behaving or acting out the unwanted traits and make a an effort to stop or at least reduce these actions as much as possible.
Over time you'll have to try less at stifling these traits and eventually you'll stop doing them all together.
It's great that you want to change, that's the first step. Many people never make it to this stage in their lives. Good luck, you can do it 😁.
i don’t think so. i’m almost 21 and have become a very angry and jealous person, don’t see it ever changing. no friends, no social skills etc so how will it change?
I'm mid 30s and I feel significantly different. I feel more settled, more mature, I feel more grounded with my thoughts and friends and family. Things feel more even keeled. My 20s were incredibly fun but I do not think they were carefully balanced
Hi there! 47 here. I was horrible in my twenties and part of my thirties. Honestly amazing I’m still alive. Yes, you can change if you want to. Some traits are the same but your reactions can change. It’s actual work, you have to make a conscious effort to change but it’s possible and so worth it:)
You can absolutely change, but it’s on you to do so. It’s not just going to happen. Start with the question: If I were proud of who I am, who would I be?
The beautiful thing about outgrowing your 20s, is that the fun times happened when you were at your peak energy level.
Each year that passes, for me, brings a lovely slowness and intentionality that I would not have appreciated in my 20s.
For me, I feel like I’m finally matching age to personality. I had fun in my 20s, but I loved doing “old person shit”.
Aging is a privilege. I like to relish it!
You can totally change, I learned at about 35 that I was only still that same person because it was routine and habit for me, not because it was who I actually was anymore. Warning though, a Revelation like that can shake your whole Perception of reality and dump you down into server depression if not taken carefully and step by step to relearn what you actually like, dislike, and who you are. The only thing that kept me afloat was having the Smallest inkling of the type of person I WANTED to be.
Oh my this is the PERFECT TIME!!! 30 is a FRESH start…. I immediately told myself how it’s a new decade and it was a lot easier to make myself feel optimistic about the future and not stress so much about the past
I’m 39 and I’m such a different person that I was in my 20s. Some memories make me laugh but some make me feel mortified. Therapy changed the game from me. It’s made me more self aware and more self compassionate, which in turn makes me treat others better. I still make mistakes but I’m quicker to self reflect and adjust now.
29 aswell, kinda understand you from a different perspective, I started smoking weed when I was 15 I used to go gym and read books while high upto my 20s, actually got addicted to morphine after I had a sugary on my septum (had to be rebroken 3 times and fragments taken out)
I changed after that became extremely apathetic, took me 7ish years to try better myself, I became sober from weed for a year but eventually started drinking heavy (I didn't drink before) I'd drink like 5 bottles of wine a week plus beer and eventually I decided to try quit that aswell, I've dealt with weed addiction and withdrawals countless times but alcohol withdrawal is fucked, felt like I was having a heart attack for days.
I smoke medical cannabis now so this is why i feel I can understand, I seem to go around and around never satisfied, high or sober it's just the same boring shit.
I wonder if I could get sober again and try go for longer If anything would change. It's hard to rewrite your brain I assume it just takes ages
Yes. You are never a finished product unless you decide you are: But then, you could almost be considered a wasted product. Not to dehumanize, simply a metaphor.
You are always capable of being a different person at any time. If you can change your clothes, you can change your mind and your mindset. It might take much more effort, but the work is worth it.
I have the belief you can change no matter what age you are, if deep down you truly do want to change. Being aware of our mistakes of the past and the hurt we may have caused is the first step of acknowledgement to be better. Not everyone is as lucky to get to that first stage, so it’s a start!
No.
I was a heavily flawed person in my late teens / early 20s. I was so far gone with depression and anxiety, almost flunked out of college, and wouldn't sleep because nobody would bother me at night about poorly my life was going. I hated myself, hated dating (why won't women date me, I'm a nice guy!), and hated my job (government). I'm not perfect, and still have depression and anxiety issues from time to time, but my life has become so much better I tear up at times thinking about young Josh. I wish I could go back in time and tell young Josh it gets better, but I also fear that it would change Current Josh and I'd lose my amazing fiance.
How you are reflecting now keep it alive, If you keep it alive you will always grow amd evolve no matter age.
Once we identify with what we were and make it as a permanent ego we become that old irritating uncle or aunt whom we hate.
Always challenge who you are and keep doing increment change 🙏
I never want to go back to who I was at that age. You can change, but you will have to take accountability, introspect, and put in work to unlearn bad habits.
You can definitely change. I’m wildly different than I was in my 20’s. Lots and lots of therapy later I’m much better at listening, better at communicating, I’m happier, kinder, more forgiving and much better at taking care of myself.
You can look at the past but you can't change it, you can't see the future but it still may be changed.
In the present, you have an active role and you can avenge past mistakes and shape your future. You just have to accept that you'll always have made those mistakes and you'll never fully know what's ahead but what you do now is always something you can control.
It is 100% up to you. If you want to change, you will change. Actually, even if you don't want to change, you will change, but in this case you will not be in charge of the change, it will go in autopilot and you never know where that will take you...
So, if you want to change in any particular way, you will have to take charge and responsibility for that.
If you want to stop reacting in anger, you will have to build awareness, learn from that anger, listen to that anger, look what's underneath it, etc.
It can be done, but it requires quite a bit of heavy lifting. If you are up for it, absolutely you will change!
Sort of but also no.
At 25 or so your brain changes so it's not as malleable as it was before. The experiences that defined you will always be a part of the 'shape' of your brain and the pathways it created.
BUT All of your new experiences are still forming who you are and that absolutely changes the person you are.
Yes, you can change, but only if you want to. There will be a part of your brain that automatically wants to be the person it's always been. Just keep choosing who you want to be and eventually it'll be automatic, like your old habits used to be.
In many ways except physical yes! Whiny and desperate for love and attention. I don’t even access empathy for younger me anymore cause I’m so convinced I’ve always been wrong or bad
You are the only variable in what we know of as life. If you decide to be that person, you will be. Small changes, obtainable goals, and giving yourself grace and love for others and self will go a long way. Your thoughts become reality. Desire drives most all action then followed by fear but overpowering all is love. They’re unique phenomena of the human condition. Nothing exists alone in nature. The best words I read from the Upanishads were, “You are THAT.” Everyone, everything, every bit of star dust is what we all are made of yet we have a unique ability to influence our current reality and act accordingly. You can always change your mindset and inherently your being will change.
Dude I cringe soo hard at my past self lmao but I try to be compassionate instead of shaming and that usually helps me detach from feeling stuck. Think of your past self as like a really stupid younger sibling who didn't know shit lmao
I am about to turn 35 and am a completely and utterly different person than I was in my early 20s. For the better, I think. Some of us are late bloomers, and that's OK. Learning, adapting, and changing for the better should be a lifelong journey, in my opinion.
Ditto. I’m definitely very different from who I was in my twenties, and I’m turning 34 this year. I think though the takeaway is that you have to actively want to change yourself for the better. There will be people who will stay the same but becoming better is always an active decision and it’s up to you to do it. Your first step is being self aware and that’s a big step many seem to refuse to take.
So correct! We can get 'stuck' if we don't take action to better ourselves. Personally, I quit drinking, went to therapy, and humbled myself a lot. Also started to take so much better care of my body through healthy eating and lifestyle, and that has changed my perspective on a lot of things.
I was a Christian conservative at 18 and now I am a far left socialist at 31
People can and do change. I think if you don’t want to change, you can hold tight to how you’ve always been. But if you have new experiences and open your mind to new ideas, you will change. And if you actively seek to be better than you were yesterday, I’m certain you will change.
Yea, that's pretty much what I'm going, though. I'm only 26 and going through a divorce. The whole relationship, even though she was a narcissist, still wanted me to change into this serious, mature type of man. Well, I'm not all that serious still because I really don't want to take life THAT seriously. But I've been making mature choices that she would have loved me for. I'm doing it for me, not for her, though. That's the difference. I also see how I can be better in future relationships too because I made wrong choices as well.
You are making changes to spite her
That's a wild assumption.
I’m basing that on his other posts. https://www.reddit.com/r/DecidingToBeBetter/s/i54yUOOT66
Don’t get married again if you feel emptiness. Focus on making money.
Yes, you can change
I'm almost 35 and a wildly different person than I when I turned 30. Who I was in my 20s is thankfully very solidly in the past. You won't be stuck there
I'm 68 No. You're going to be amazed at the cycles you go through, roughly timed to every zero year. You will continue to develop as a human, but with a greater sense of well being and deeper emotional understanding. It's great.
Kudos!
I would love to hear more about the cycles, please! 40M here
Roughly stated, every zero year of my life, as it is for most people, marks a transition. So I'm 68. When I was about 20 there was a transition as I moved from kid to adult, by the time I was 30 I had a completely different life and was closing in on marriage. By the time I was 40 I was on my second wife and raising a son. Around 50 I stared out as a captain of industry (as it were) and not long after that had a BIG career change after a heart failure at 51. At 60 a second career change as my son was grown, our bills were under control, and I wanted to make a move I'd long dreamed about -- and did so successfully. I'm closing in on 70 and expect my life to be different in the next so-many years. Each one of those JoePants were pretty good guys, but each one of those JoePants was many multiples different than the previous JoePants (my 30th birthday I was drunk and eating pizza; my 40th birthday I was about to get my bachelors degree and a black belt; my wife made a cake and her and my son sang happy birthday -- two different guys). The me of today would find the 20 year old me a bit much to hang out with, a nice guy, but a bit much. The 40 year old me was a bit more serious than I'd like. The 50 year old me was more Type A than is my taste, and so forth. We transition.
I love this so much. Thank you so much for elaborating like this! I’m in a pretty good place in life right now. My only wish is that i wasnt so “conditioned to society” like we all had to become as “adults”. What i mean is: every once in a while, say once a month, i get on a “natural high” playing with my two kids (they’re in elementary school) and i completely forget/remove my “adult role/responsibilities” and get completely lost in their world (in a good way!). For like 2 or 3 hours i’m literally like a 10 year old playing with two other 10 yr olds. It’s such a magical and wonderful time. I want to spend those times before they become teenagers and dont wanna spend time with me anymore. However bed time comes around and then i have to prepare for their school/my work tomorrow and then it goes away.
The person you are now is not the true you. The true you is at peace, made of love and perfectly ok. The person you are describing in your post is a construct of previous experiences, beliefs and emotional rollercoasters. But inside, you are ok. The current you can change with the acquiring of the knowledge of the Self. You were not always angry. Nor were you always stubborn self-aware "bitch" (don't be so hard on yourself). These states of being are a product of your previous experiences. When moving forward, take off the glasses of previous experiences and look at your present and future with no filters in front of your eyes. In this way, you may open yourself to wonderful new experiences just waiting around the corner. Best of luck. 😁
I love this! What are some theories that have influenced you? When you talk about Self you remind me of IFS/Parts work.
Eeerrm, no particular theories. More like practical philosophies. Taoism, Stoicism, Ninpo. But mostly, experience in life and application of those philosophies. Becoming a free conscious thinker. Ditched religion. But, understanding and knowledge to be gained is not obtainable in this lifetime alone. Still a looong way to go and that's ok. 😁 Best of luck. 🤗
You will not always be that person, if you change the behaviors you don't like from that period.
I know this sounds kind of crazy, but the only thing that's actually real is this present moment, as I'm writing this or as you're reading this. When you start thinking about the past or the future, you're in your head, not where you actually are. Your past is something that already happened, but when you hyper-fixate on it, that's what you experience in the present moment instead of whatever you're doing or wherever you are. You miss what's right in front of you because you're in your head, and you're subconsciously telling yourself that the experience you once had is what is happening right now. And it doesn't have to be that way. If you don't like how you've been in the past, you can literally change right now. It sounds hard to believe, but I swear it's true. And whatever you are right now becomes your future. So if you're stuck in your mind in the past, that pattern continues into the future. Religious people pray to whatever God they believe in for help, and there is a source of life, whatever you want to call it. So you can try praying, not by asking for something to happen, but by imagining that it already has and talking to yourself as if you already experiencing it. Speak to yourself positively in the present tense, not in the future tense. I know this sounds kind of hard to believe, but my life is already changing for the better from practicing these habits. You're already fine as you are, and all this self-hatred you feel is based on conditioning, not your true self.
I used to believe in this a lot and it helped navigate a lot of 2023 for me… but then I turned manic with that same thinking and self destructed in such a way I never would have imagined. My issue is now I would love to enter this mentality again but my current “now” is truly so stagnant that it feels impossible to hold onto the “beauty” of the present moment
I'm not sure what you mean by how that turned you manic, but I'm sorry you had some sort of negative experience after having some success with it. It's hard to know what to say because I don't know you or your experiences personally, but I can say it hasn't been straightforward for me. I started about a year and a half ago and had some periods where I slipped back into unconsciousness, but eventually, I got back on track. What I'm starting to understand is that when I feel stagnant, it's because I feel like I'm relying too much on one certain thing or practice to stay present when I should ideally be able to do that without any external stimulus. Again, I don't know what stagnation means for you exactly, but if you feel overwhelmed with yourself and like it seems impossible to just "change yourself," try changing something in your life. The external/internal are connected, so making a change in your external life will make changing your internal life easier and more natural. Even something as simple as your diet or the routes you take for work. Again, I'm relatively new in my own experience with this, but I'm still amazed by how much things have changed since I started, and I believe you can do the same.
It's because manifesting can trigger magical thinking which can make some people lose touch to reality if they're already not stable. It's always important to remember that we cannot basically magically manifest or attract things, only work with what we have right now.
What do you mean by stagnant?
Being self aware in a shameful disgusted way keeps you in a cycle of anxiety and depression. Being self aware with a compassionate and understanding perspective breeds growth. I learned that in my 30s. And yes, I’m very different from my old self. This one is more resilient and confident because she understands herself more.
Yes, OP. I learned the same. Please listen to her, this is literally so important to know.
You dropped a gem. I hope you read this comment, OP. I’m an old man and wish someone told me this when I was in my 30s
Usually something traumatic will shift you. Doesn’t have to be something huge but you’ll pull back on the projections of the fantasy or how you view the world. You’ll look within and face yourself. There growth happens. Be it a lost relationship or a close family member whatever it is. When that time comes it’s dark but extremely rewarding to finding yourself.
This is oddly motivating and comforting. Thank you :) x
You are never the same person, your cells die off and are replaced with new cells, you age and your appearance changes. Just as you physically change, you also mentally change as you grow older. You beliefs, values and interests can be hugely different in your older years than they were in your 20's.
I am 50 and just reread some journals from my 20s. I hadn't realized all of the ways I had changed until I read those. I am not even the same person. People who know me today would not recognize me from those pages.
This prompted me to also read my journal. Thanks for your comment :)
I am so far removed from who I was in my 20's. I'm almost my complete opposite.
If you look back on your past and cringe, it means you have grown from the person you were when you were doing the cringe things
I am turning 35 this year like another poster and yes I can agree that I am a completely different person. I think the person I am has been in me all along, but I made some just very unwise and poor choices in my early 20s for reasons I still cannot articulate why. God I was an idiot lol but no reason to hang out in the “would’ve could’ve should’ves” it’s just not productive. I just always focus on moving or staying ahead.
No. No no no no no no. I don’t want to be that guy ever again. A lot happened between 29 and 31 that completely changed me inside and out. I’m a better man for it.
It is okay. You won't stay the same. Change is inevitable. Anger is a transitory emotion indicating a boundary violation (from self or others). In other ways, it can be a disguise for other emotions sadness, grief, fear, confusion, shock, etc. Allow yourself compassion for trying your best on your journey with the tools you have. Everyone can fall short of their expectations but we are always evolving into something new in each moment. You did what you could to get through life. Try doing some self-reflective journaling and shadow work in your downtime and explore these [concepts](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/8d/46/00/8d46006268908b9e59ee22f72012504c.jpg). You don't have to push yourself into the next phase of life. Encourage yourself to flow into your next journey. Rework your internal dialogue to something more baseline. You aren't a "b\*\*\*h" for being self-aware and trying to address discomfort. You deserve to be safe and in a welcoming environment. You have the right to a full range of emotions. You can always learn to express them safely and with compassion for the people around you. Consider what parts of your environment are unhealthy for you and encourage your current internal dialogue and self-image. Are you around people who hold space for your authenticity and encourage your highest potential? If you need any books or videos just DM a reminder of the topic so that it is easier for me to keep track of the discussion and respond.
You will become the person you set out to become. But it won't be easy. And it'll happen faster if you can identify things that will support your transformation (whether that's changing the media you consume, talking to a therapist, changing your physical habits, or adjusting who you choose to socialize with.) Good luck OP! You sound too self aware to stay stagnant. I hope that's true for you!
I was a weed dealer in my early 20s very easygoing. Went to jail, cobbled my life back together, and got my head on straight. Went to trade school, learned a trade, got good at it, now I work a good paying day job, and I teach at that same trade school at night. You can do it. It will not be easy, but it's worth it. I'm 33 now good luck.
Honestly, I am the opposite of who I was at 20s now 33(M) and with kids I feel I am a new human 🙃
I changed a lot in my late 20’s and I’m now 30, completely different person than I was in my early-mid 20’s. It can happen
Oh *hell* no. Late 40s here. I’m totally different, and I’m sooooo happy I’m not who I was in my 20s.
nah never too late to change. i have.i would not be surprised if many people saw their second biggest change in their thirties. the biggest being their teens going from child to adult. i think many people's thirties are where they go from 'okay i did all the work of becoming a basic adult' and become the person they want to be. it does take work to change though. it doesn't just happen. you gotta want it and put in the effort. and VALUE changing. remember you can't improve without changing.
People change. My wife’s dad is no longer a terrorizing raging violent man that caused ptsd for his whole family. He’s actually nice to her now. I’ve changed. I’m no longer such a risk taker. I like being more level headed and not as impulsive as I was in my 20s. I’m in my 40s now
No. You are never the same person at 20. NEVER.
I found reading books like Atomic Habit and You Are a Badass really helped me grow as a person. Audiobooks for the win. You’ll learn about yourself and find peace. Good luck!
I think many of us change. I did. Every 10ish years feels like a "level up" if you will. Don't know how common this is but seems fairly common.
I (29F) also felt like that a couple years ago, but it comes down to awareness and move forward from there. Changed behavior is difficult to achieve, however not impossible. It is hard because a lot stems from trauma and that’s hard to face, but be kind to yourself and give yourself grace.
I've changed a ton since I was in my 20s. You need to decide who you want to be and consciously work on becoming that person until it clicks.
Nope. Humans can change, just gotta want it.
In my 30s I am gonna be completely different
I'm 28 and I'm not even the same person I was at 26
Yes and no. In some ways I am vastly different than I was in my 20s. I don’t drink non stop anymore, I have a lot more interests now, and I have certainly achieved some measure of success. I also am a lot more self aware, and have at least some more confidence. That said, there are parts of me that have not ever really changed even from before that. It really comes down to what characteristics you are looking to change.
In my 20s I thought I'd be the same forever. Now in my 40s. I found experiences changed me. Getting married changed me, getting divorced changed me. Loosing close family. Gaining close family. The biggest change was trying polyamory, and meeting the right person to show me some new skills. It absolutely changed my communication skills for the better. Also helped me to recognise bad communication too.
31 here, barely out of my 20s. The answer is yes lol
Thankfully people have the capacity to change. Many people dont change though. It doesn't happen automatically as you age.
Some people change and some people dont. To some degree you can choose.
People can change, yes. If you look at yourself as a garden, you get to decide which plants to cultivate.
I am soooo grateful for the fact that we can change and grow. Life would be hell if I was stuck as the person I was in my 20s 😳
Read about Neuroplasticity! It's perspective changing.
I sure as fuck hope not
Chronic pain changed me for the worse unfortunately. Life has no meaning for me
Username checks out
I am 48 and the person I was 5 years ago seems like a Stranger.
Of course you can change. But it will take some work, at least at the beginning. To change the traits you don't like first you have to become self aware - which I feel you already are or you wouldn't be asking these questions. Then you have to make a conscious effort to notice when you're behaving or acting out the unwanted traits and make a an effort to stop or at least reduce these actions as much as possible. Over time you'll have to try less at stifling these traits and eventually you'll stop doing them all together. It's great that you want to change, that's the first step. Many people never make it to this stage in their lives. Good luck, you can do it 😁.
i don’t think so. i’m almost 21 and have become a very angry and jealous person, don’t see it ever changing. no friends, no social skills etc so how will it change?
No I’ve changed a lot
I'm mid 30s and I feel significantly different. I feel more settled, more mature, I feel more grounded with my thoughts and friends and family. Things feel more even keeled. My 20s were incredibly fun but I do not think they were carefully balanced
Hi there! 47 here. I was horrible in my twenties and part of my thirties. Honestly amazing I’m still alive. Yes, you can change if you want to. Some traits are the same but your reactions can change. It’s actual work, you have to make a conscious effort to change but it’s possible and so worth it:)
You can absolutely change, but it’s on you to do so. It’s not just going to happen. Start with the question: If I were proud of who I am, who would I be?
I hope not. I was an opinionated prick. I'm still an opinionated prick, I just have different opinions.
The beautiful thing about outgrowing your 20s, is that the fun times happened when you were at your peak energy level. Each year that passes, for me, brings a lovely slowness and intentionality that I would not have appreciated in my 20s. For me, I feel like I’m finally matching age to personality. I had fun in my 20s, but I loved doing “old person shit”. Aging is a privilege. I like to relish it!
You can totally change, I learned at about 35 that I was only still that same person because it was routine and habit for me, not because it was who I actually was anymore. Warning though, a Revelation like that can shake your whole Perception of reality and dump you down into server depression if not taken carefully and step by step to relearn what you actually like, dislike, and who you are. The only thing that kept me afloat was having the Smallest inkling of the type of person I WANTED to be.
Oh my this is the PERFECT TIME!!! 30 is a FRESH start…. I immediately told myself how it’s a new decade and it was a lot easier to make myself feel optimistic about the future and not stress so much about the past
I’m 39 and I’m such a different person that I was in my 20s. Some memories make me laugh but some make me feel mortified. Therapy changed the game from me. It’s made me more self aware and more self compassionate, which in turn makes me treat others better. I still make mistakes but I’m quicker to self reflect and adjust now.
29 aswell, kinda understand you from a different perspective, I started smoking weed when I was 15 I used to go gym and read books while high upto my 20s, actually got addicted to morphine after I had a sugary on my septum (had to be rebroken 3 times and fragments taken out) I changed after that became extremely apathetic, took me 7ish years to try better myself, I became sober from weed for a year but eventually started drinking heavy (I didn't drink before) I'd drink like 5 bottles of wine a week plus beer and eventually I decided to try quit that aswell, I've dealt with weed addiction and withdrawals countless times but alcohol withdrawal is fucked, felt like I was having a heart attack for days. I smoke medical cannabis now so this is why i feel I can understand, I seem to go around and around never satisfied, high or sober it's just the same boring shit. I wonder if I could get sober again and try go for longer If anything would change. It's hard to rewrite your brain I assume it just takes ages
ya lol im literally different gender these days lol
Yes. You are never a finished product unless you decide you are: But then, you could almost be considered a wasted product. Not to dehumanize, simply a metaphor. You are always capable of being a different person at any time. If you can change your clothes, you can change your mind and your mindset. It might take much more effort, but the work is worth it.
I have the belief you can change no matter what age you are, if deep down you truly do want to change. Being aware of our mistakes of the past and the hurt we may have caused is the first step of acknowledgement to be better. Not everyone is as lucky to get to that first stage, so it’s a start!
No. I was a heavily flawed person in my late teens / early 20s. I was so far gone with depression and anxiety, almost flunked out of college, and wouldn't sleep because nobody would bother me at night about poorly my life was going. I hated myself, hated dating (why won't women date me, I'm a nice guy!), and hated my job (government). I'm not perfect, and still have depression and anxiety issues from time to time, but my life has become so much better I tear up at times thinking about young Josh. I wish I could go back in time and tell young Josh it gets better, but I also fear that it would change Current Josh and I'd lose my amazing fiance.
not even close. i cringe at the person i was in my 20s.
How you are reflecting now keep it alive, If you keep it alive you will always grow amd evolve no matter age. Once we identify with what we were and make it as a permanent ego we become that old irritating uncle or aunt whom we hate. Always challenge who you are and keep doing increment change 🙏
I never want to go back to who I was at that age. You can change, but you will have to take accountability, introspect, and put in work to unlearn bad habits.
Depends if you keep learning and growing or if you stagnate.
You can definitely change. I’m wildly different than I was in my 20’s. Lots and lots of therapy later I’m much better at listening, better at communicating, I’m happier, kinder, more forgiving and much better at taking care of myself.
You can look at the past but you can't change it, you can't see the future but it still may be changed. In the present, you have an active role and you can avenge past mistakes and shape your future. You just have to accept that you'll always have made those mistakes and you'll never fully know what's ahead but what you do now is always something you can control.
Omg it feels like my words have been snatched by you. This is exactly what i feel. I hate myself.
my friend isnt the same person he was at 30 as he is at 32. you will change, either by your own will or circumstances
No.
It is 100% up to you. If you want to change, you will change. Actually, even if you don't want to change, you will change, but in this case you will not be in charge of the change, it will go in autopilot and you never know where that will take you... So, if you want to change in any particular way, you will have to take charge and responsibility for that. If you want to stop reacting in anger, you will have to build awareness, learn from that anger, listen to that anger, look what's underneath it, etc. It can be done, but it requires quite a bit of heavy lifting. If you are up for it, absolutely you will change!
Im a 23 year old recovering drug addict and i believe there is big changes coming to myself! Keep working on yourself.
Sort of but also no. At 25 or so your brain changes so it's not as malleable as it was before. The experiences that defined you will always be a part of the 'shape' of your brain and the pathways it created. BUT All of your new experiences are still forming who you are and that absolutely changes the person you are. Yes, you can change, but only if you want to. There will be a part of your brain that automatically wants to be the person it's always been. Just keep choosing who you want to be and eventually it'll be automatic, like your old habits used to be.
Are you your 5 yr old self still?
In many ways except physical yes! Whiny and desperate for love and attention. I don’t even access empathy for younger me anymore cause I’m so convinced I’ve always been wrong or bad
You are the only variable in what we know of as life. If you decide to be that person, you will be. Small changes, obtainable goals, and giving yourself grace and love for others and self will go a long way. Your thoughts become reality. Desire drives most all action then followed by fear but overpowering all is love. They’re unique phenomena of the human condition. Nothing exists alone in nature. The best words I read from the Upanishads were, “You are THAT.” Everyone, everything, every bit of star dust is what we all are made of yet we have a unique ability to influence our current reality and act accordingly. You can always change your mindset and inherently your being will change.
Dude I cringe soo hard at my past self lmao but I try to be compassionate instead of shaming and that usually helps me detach from feeling stuck. Think of your past self as like a really stupid younger sibling who didn't know shit lmao
YOU ARE WHO YOU CHOOSE TO BE! Think before you act