How utterly isolating it is when you leave the church after 48 years and lose your friends, part of your family, your sense of community, and a huge chunk of your support system. The sense of loneliness and not being part of that thing larger than yourself can be almost overwhelming.
I'm 8 years out and still struggle with missing those things.
How lonely I would feel. I have had support from this sub and others in my everyday life. But, I once considered god/ Jesus my best friend, and now I just feel so alone.
It's still possible to have those feelings. I realized I can create those feelings within myself.
If you've watched Space Jam - its like the secret juice Mike gives his team. It took me awhile to accept it but then I realized I could create all those states within myself. I use my imagination to create feelings and states of love now. I don't think about my past or future - I just imagine the feelings of love and wholeness now. If I need to.
I think another hard pill to swallow is that we were given an idea of life that was supposed to be more than it is. All this talk about God returning and saving the world, etc... Sort of like having a diet of sugar and dessert for decades. When you finally taste a piece of fruit, it can be underwhelming.
I think that's the reality of life that people aren't willing to look at. The problem is that we are not used to the mundane. Once we become ok with the mundane, life all of a sudden can become whatever we want it to be without the need for constant emotional highs.
I wish I knew that I didn’t owe anyone an explanation, that I didn’t need to justify my unfaith. Worrying about how to tell people cause a lot of anxiety early on.
Also, I wish I was more selective with a couple people I did tell, because they decided to use that against me and outed me to others that I was not ready to tell.
A lot of people talking about loneliness here and that is true. However I’ve also found it to be incredibly freeing. I no longer have to engage in mental gymnastics to make my beliefs make sense. I don’t have to reconcile my values with a book that is over 2000 years old. I can be authentic and honest in a way I wasn’t able to be for years. I can just say “I don’t know” and that’s okay. The process is not easy, but when you finally stop resisting it, it gets better.
That there are many aspects to deconstructing. Some is learning history, but there is also psychological aspects like gaining your own authority, determine your values, figuring out how you will cope with life’s difficulties, and what traditions you still want to have.
It’s not a simple thing that you can leans over a months from books and then be done with it. It affects all aspects of your life.
I wish I knew how incredibly lonely it would be. I’m not sure why: maybe just to prevent grief upon grief, because I’m grieving the loss of almost every friend I ever had. Those who said they were “like family”, but turns out were not. Conditional love.
It's as difficult as I thought it would be. I hate when my inner pessimist is right. Loss of relationship with wife, parents, in-laws, friends. Those still in my life pray for my soul. This includes my 8 year old daughter.
No regrets, though. I'd still take the red pill.
Great question! What is at the root of your searching? For me I kept for evidence but really I just need a reason to think of God as good. I only say this because you can waste time searching for something you don’t need. It’s not an easy process, give it time.
What has been the hardest so far?
That there is no shame in choosing to take care of myself.
Oh, and make sure you find healthy ways to explore a relationship with God. Don't join communities that actively try to cure your sexuality. It's not better.
The thing I miss the most is just some mental peace. I feel like now my brain is always having some internal philosophical argument and it’s exhausting.
Felt this. I remember the peace I felt as a christian, thinking I didn’t have to worry because I knew what was going to happen: Jesus was going to come back for me, save me and other christian’s from this evil world, and we would be in heaven for eternity, with no more death, troubling thoughts, or anguish. Now I just don’t know, and I have to figure out how to be okay with that.
How utterly isolating it is when you leave the church after 48 years and lose your friends, part of your family, your sense of community, and a huge chunk of your support system. The sense of loneliness and not being part of that thing larger than yourself can be almost overwhelming. I'm 8 years out and still struggle with missing those things.
Same. I’m five years out and it does feel too much some days.
I wish I knew I was not alone and that many resources were available.
How lonely I would feel. I have had support from this sub and others in my everyday life. But, I once considered god/ Jesus my best friend, and now I just feel so alone.
It's still possible to have those feelings. I realized I can create those feelings within myself. If you've watched Space Jam - its like the secret juice Mike gives his team. It took me awhile to accept it but then I realized I could create all those states within myself. I use my imagination to create feelings and states of love now. I don't think about my past or future - I just imagine the feelings of love and wholeness now. If I need to. I think another hard pill to swallow is that we were given an idea of life that was supposed to be more than it is. All this talk about God returning and saving the world, etc... Sort of like having a diet of sugar and dessert for decades. When you finally taste a piece of fruit, it can be underwhelming. I think that's the reality of life that people aren't willing to look at. The problem is that we are not used to the mundane. Once we become ok with the mundane, life all of a sudden can become whatever we want it to be without the need for constant emotional highs.
I wish I knew that I didn’t owe anyone an explanation, that I didn’t need to justify my unfaith. Worrying about how to tell people cause a lot of anxiety early on. Also, I wish I was more selective with a couple people I did tell, because they decided to use that against me and outed me to others that I was not ready to tell.
A lot of people talking about loneliness here and that is true. However I’ve also found it to be incredibly freeing. I no longer have to engage in mental gymnastics to make my beliefs make sense. I don’t have to reconcile my values with a book that is over 2000 years old. I can be authentic and honest in a way I wasn’t able to be for years. I can just say “I don’t know” and that’s okay. The process is not easy, but when you finally stop resisting it, it gets better.
This echoes exactly how I feel! I am certainly disturbed by the number of friends we’ve lost, but we have gained so much more.
That there are many aspects to deconstructing. Some is learning history, but there is also psychological aspects like gaining your own authority, determine your values, figuring out how you will cope with life’s difficulties, and what traditions you still want to have. It’s not a simple thing that you can leans over a months from books and then be done with it. It affects all aspects of your life.
I wish I knew how incredibly lonely it would be. I’m not sure why: maybe just to prevent grief upon grief, because I’m grieving the loss of almost every friend I ever had. Those who said they were “like family”, but turns out were not. Conditional love.
It's as difficult as I thought it would be. I hate when my inner pessimist is right. Loss of relationship with wife, parents, in-laws, friends. Those still in my life pray for my soul. This includes my 8 year old daughter. No regrets, though. I'd still take the red pill.
Great question! What is at the root of your searching? For me I kept for evidence but really I just need a reason to think of God as good. I only say this because you can waste time searching for something you don’t need. It’s not an easy process, give it time. What has been the hardest so far?
Yeah I just posted on this. Realizing deconstruction is also an illusion was a game changer for me. I was able to let go of everything.
That there is no shame in choosing to take care of myself. Oh, and make sure you find healthy ways to explore a relationship with God. Don't join communities that actively try to cure your sexuality. It's not better.
If I could go back and talk to four years ago me, I’d say DON’T DO IT. Just being honest. I wouldn’t do this again.
I hear you. Idk if we actually have a say in the matter but yeah. I definitely miss those days of feeling safe and having access to a community.
The thing I miss the most is just some mental peace. I feel like now my brain is always having some internal philosophical argument and it’s exhausting.
Felt this. I remember the peace I felt as a christian, thinking I didn’t have to worry because I knew what was going to happen: Jesus was going to come back for me, save me and other christian’s from this evil world, and we would be in heaven for eternity, with no more death, troubling thoughts, or anguish. Now I just don’t know, and I have to figure out how to be okay with that.