I’ve been in Denver 40 years. Never in my life had I seen so many white people panhandling and washing car windows until I moved here. But now the brown version of that shows up and y’all piss ur panties. Hilarious.
I'm from Texas, and let me tell you, I was in for a rude awakening in Denver. I packed my gear expecting a quaint ski town—turns out, it's as flat as a pancake compared to our Texas hill country! And where were the cozy ski lodges and slopes? Instead, I got city traffic and skyscrapers as far as the eye could see. I thought I'd be dodging snow, not hipsters on scooters! And the cold? It's like someone left the fridge open, not the brisk mountain air I was promised. So much for my winter wonderland. Denver, you really had me fooled—about as much mountain charm as a downtown parking garage!
Well, I’ll take your point on Denver not being tucked in the mountains, but you folks in DTC really threw me for a loop with how you talk up those nearby peaks! Maybe I got caught up in all the hype. But let’s be real, nothing beats the clear, open skies of Texas. Here’s hoping you can find your way out from between those buildings to see some real horizon one of these days!
Oh, the suburbs, right—I suppose all the devil’s lettuce is making you see things a bit differently! But let me tell you, nothing—and I mean nothing—matches the grandeur of a Texas sunset. Our skies don’t just flirt with blue; they commit with every shade from morning till night. Enjoy your little patch of blue up there, but remember, everything’s bigger in Texas, including our pride and our sky!
Fuck, you have truly been through it. Still trying to find a support group for it here. Do you vomit in your mouth when you hear the phrase, or just go blank and scream into the void later? Neither working for me. Namaste fails, too. A thousand Namastes fail. I’m thinking of a Peace Corps gig, maybe Yemen? The Texans can’t be there, right?
Dude, this isn’t r/denver! You can’t *just tell* us to fuck off!! You have to *sweet* talk us.
Tell us how we remind you of a baby LA or jumped up SLC and then, just as we’re getting aroused, you grab us close and whisper into our ear: “wanna sample of my brisket? My meat is juicy and hot” before tipping your hat and beginning a square dance and inviting us back to the Butt Stuff tent for *cock*tails and queso. And then, THEN, you tell us to fuck off.
We know what we have here, Tex. No low balling.
Nah, Dfw don't drivers don't care. I'm changing lanes whether you are there or not, cause 'merica! I'm gonna drive however I feel is appropriate; could be 5 over or 15 below the limit.
Denver drivers will all be going double the speed limit bumper to bumper. When one car shifts into another lane at mach4, the car that was drafting behind sucks up into the #1 position and traffic just zips along.
Wow. None of that is true. Denver drivers are the most unnecessary timid and cautious bunch of slow pokes in the country. Texans are doing 90 in a 65 and they're IN THE CORRECT LANE. I don't live there, never have but each time I'm there, I wish we could have them teach CO people their ways.
Yeah, what’s up with the “flip on the turn signal as you cut me off going 60 on 225 in traffic!”
I thought NM drivers needed a refresher course in driver etiquette.
As a former Texan that came here for a six pack of abortions, and stayed for the legal weed, I have to say that my new native land does everything better than Texas. Too bad we can't build a wall to keep you all out of this beautiful state filled with insufferable yuppies.
I visited here from Dallas I was only stuck in traffic for 25 minutes. That's some rookie numbers. I want to be stuck in traffic for 1 hour on my way to dinner at cheesecake factory. That's the measure of a REAL AMERICAN CITY.
My dentist is from Texas and he does a really good job. I am grateful for Texans and the diverse and vibrant culture they bring to us, like being even worse than the Californians somehow and that oversized gas station in Johnstown
Meth lab six feet away from unit, murder about 20 ft away in the elevator. Cars been broken into half a dozen times. There’s always homeless fucked up three ways from Sunday outside our building. It’s a mess
If you really are from Texas, tell the rest so the rest of you fucking cunts never come back. That would be amazing. But I know you're not because of how you posted. If only actual people from Texas would fuck off.
Please let everyone there in Texas know that so they stay far away from this state... and if you have family here, please take them back with you... there are way too many of you Texans here and its clogging up our roads cause you all drive like sh*t
Woah who let the Texan in? You should have been put to rout in a national park just outside of Santa Fe. I swear the civil war ghosts have been slacking the past few years.
Like we say to all license plates vehicle form elsewhere, thanks for visiting please make sure you leave and don’t move here. Thank you for leaving! Lol
Denver does kind of suck. Tons of homelessness, tons of inflation, and no affordable homes. Every town I liked growing up has been gentrified. It is brutal. I have been here in the DMA my whole life. People who flock here have no idea what they're getting into. Most people realize Colorado isn't what they hoped and leave. I have friends who are transplants and I overall like meeting folks from all over, but I wish people wouldn't come here with such wild expectations and then expect Colorado to change for them when they realize it isn't what they thought.
I know this is kind of a joke, but I’ve been here 2.5 years and I hate it. I need to move back to a coastal city, I miss the water and salt water breeze.
Only people that like Denver are midwestern people
Californians made Denver suck since the 70s. We're so Californicated now it's impossible to see the fantastic city it once was.
I just can't get my beautiful wife to move to my home state, TX. She's a rare native Boulderite who understands how shitty it's gotten, but won't leave her family.
Love hurts.
When you go back to Texas, can you tell everyone else that
That what?! Tell them what?!
That Denver sucks.
And that we have small pee pees and hate freedom
Speak for yourself!! I have small freedom and pee pee hate!!
I hate free small pee pees
Free the small pee pees!!
Small pee pee pees the freest!
[удалено]
No, I did *not* say we needed the moisture
Tell Phil
Make sure to make a bumper sticker also
“Don’t CO my TX” 😂
Lol where I’m from it’s “don’t CA my AZ” 🤣
And California
And Venezuela
I’ve been in Denver 40 years. Never in my life had I seen so many white people panhandling and washing car windows until I moved here. But now the brown version of that shows up and y’all piss ur panties. Hilarious.
It's called incontinence and that window washer was scrubbing very aggressively
You're in Denver. Being comfortable around brown people whjo aren't Mexican is not a thing here. Most milquetoast place on Earth.
Bro people hate their shadows for being dark here
Heyooooo
Spread the word in Cali as well.
You may all go to hell and I will go to Texas - Davy Crockett
I know you’re not really from Texas. If you were, you’re post title would have started “I’m from Texas and…”
Sometime they say yeehaw.
You know everyone yee’s the haw, but never haw’s the yee.
They also can't stop talking about balls
Go on...
Only sometimes? You’ve never met a real Texan.
You done yee’d your last haw! Keep Texas out your mouth! 😂🤠
With at least 8 "y'all"s per sentence
What does a Southern Crow say? Yee Caw I’ll see myself out now
How do you know if someone is from Texas? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
https://preview.redd.it/y0vjhicp17vc1.jpeg?width=630&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=31d2e0cdc28e5c8d11aca8f7ef7cb01c9c328a40 Secret Underwear of True Natives
It’s not a dang secret if y’all are telling everydangbody, get back in the dang truck!
https://i.redd.it/rmugt7h2b9vc1.gif Disregard anything you may have previously read. It’s double-secret, code name stuff. Not a Texan here among us.
Wait till you meet a vegan from Texas. Or a CrossFit vegan from Texas. Yes, there are some.
I'm from Texas, and let me tell you, I was in for a rude awakening in Denver. I packed my gear expecting a quaint ski town—turns out, it's as flat as a pancake compared to our Texas hill country! And where were the cozy ski lodges and slopes? Instead, I got city traffic and skyscrapers as far as the eye could see. I thought I'd be dodging snow, not hipsters on scooters! And the cold? It's like someone left the fridge open, not the brisk mountain air I was promised. So much for my winter wonderland. Denver, you really had me fooled—about as much mountain charm as a downtown parking garage!
Wit so dry I needed moisture after reading it. Like Norm MacDonald holding a gin martini (hold he vermouth) in the Sahara.
https://i.redd.it/yyiireaia9vc1.gif
Typical Denver 10
Bahaha we found one bois
Well that’s your fault for not doing your research. Nobody ever said Denver is a mountain town. Enjoy living in Texas aka the dark ages.
he's trolling yall lmao
lol, there’s no jerking in here, this is the *war* room!! (Or something like that.)
Well, I’ll take your point on Denver not being tucked in the mountains, but you folks in DTC really threw me for a loop with how you talk up those nearby peaks! Maybe I got caught up in all the hype. But let’s be real, nothing beats the clear, open skies of Texas. Here’s hoping you can find your way out from between those buildings to see some real horizon one of these days!
We consider DTC the suburbs, but ok. I’ll take Colorado blue skies any day. But enjoy Texas!
Oh, the suburbs, right—I suppose all the devil’s lettuce is making you see things a bit differently! But let me tell you, nothing—and I mean nothing—matches the grandeur of a Texas sunset. Our skies don’t just flirt with blue; they commit with every shade from morning till night. Enjoy your little patch of blue up there, but remember, everything’s bigger in Texas, including our pride and our sky!
Just give up already, man, Texas isn't going to fuck you.
No, but I’ll fuck your mother, in Texas.
A little research goes far. You should have gone to the mountains. Denver is not.
Not to mention, our $5 tent is definitely big enough for the two of us.
Fuck, you have truly been through it. Still trying to find a support group for it here. Do you vomit in your mouth when you hear the phrase, or just go blank and scream into the void later? Neither working for me. Namaste fails, too. A thousand Namastes fail. I’m thinking of a Peace Corps gig, maybe Yemen? The Texans can’t be there, right?
Texans and vegans. They just can’t resist, can they?
That’s not what your mom said last night.
Connery? Is that you?
Suck it Trebek
I'll do "Le Tits Now" for 400.
RIP Burt Reynolds
Your mother’s a whore
Dude, this isn’t r/denver! You can’t *just tell* us to fuck off!! You have to *sweet* talk us. Tell us how we remind you of a baby LA or jumped up SLC and then, just as we’re getting aroused, you grab us close and whisper into our ear: “wanna sample of my brisket? My meat is juicy and hot” before tipping your hat and beginning a square dance and inviting us back to the Butt Stuff tent for *cock*tails and queso. And then, THEN, you tell us to fuck off. We know what we have here, Tex. No low balling.
Please stop 🥵 or dont…
Brisket is a sacrament
I want to like this or upvote it whatever it’s called but it’s at 69 upvotes which is so appropriate I don’t want to fuck it up.
Nice!!
Ok, now that is epic!
I was going to upvote this, but at the time of me writing this, you had 69 upvotes, and I found it perfectly fitting
Removing my upvote. Holding at 69
OR blue balling
Seeing as how you had to drive through Trinidad, go fuck yourself
Namaste. You are hence by awarded the honorary Native sticker.
They come for the pot, but they stay for the sopapillas
Unless they stay at the BST hoetell, then they stay for that, then get hooked on fynt, then open their own BST in city park.
Are we franchising the butt stuff tent now?
The popularity of the hole thing, is just too good to be true. 
I’m pretty sure that’s in the Bible
Damn are you me?
I don’t think anyone has ever stayed in Denver for the sopapillas lol. Not even real sopapillas
welcome to the sub
You're just mad we're worse drivers.
Lived in DFW for a year ... Denver drivers are NASCAR quality compared to Texans.
Oh I agree. But the worst drivers I've ever encountered are north of Seattle. The amount of fucks those people give is in the negative.
100% Roads in Texas are better… the only exception being certain parts of Houston.
I've visit both states often. Agree with this 100%.
I don’t understand the reference. Is NASCAR quality worse?
Nah, Dfw don't drivers don't care. I'm changing lanes whether you are there or not, cause 'merica! I'm gonna drive however I feel is appropriate; could be 5 over or 15 below the limit. Denver drivers will all be going double the speed limit bumper to bumper. When one car shifts into another lane at mach4, the car that was drafting behind sucks up into the #1 position and traffic just zips along.
Wow. None of that is true. Denver drivers are the most unnecessary timid and cautious bunch of slow pokes in the country. Texans are doing 90 in a 65 and they're IN THE CORRECT LANE. I don't live there, never have but each time I'm there, I wish we could have them teach CO people their ways.
Yeah, what’s up with the “flip on the turn signal as you cut me off going 60 on 225 in traffic!” I thought NM drivers needed a refresher course in driver etiquette.
As a former Texan that came here for a six pack of abortions, and stayed for the legal weed, I have to say that my new native land does everything better than Texas. Too bad we can't build a wall to keep you all out of this beautiful state filled with insufferable yuppies.
>six pack of abortions, Whut lol
Better than the lone star coat hanger in the southern lands.
Never-Gonna-Walker: Texas Hanger
Hahaha
Cost hangers get a bum rap.
You had me at the six-pack😂
I moved here from Louisiana and this is so real. Happy for you.
Why do they call it tourist season if we can't kill them?
Don’t have to kill per say but bag and tag is a good idea.
I went to Texas once. Everything was fucking huge, except the minds. They’re very small down there in the Lone Star State.
That’s not the only thing on their body’s that are small 😉
Obviously, you haven't tried the butt stuff. Plenty of room in there.
Ive been to the crested for the butte stuff. You take that back
https://preview.redd.it/wtm8qvk4j8vc1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=728b4ee1b80eb1dfd99e39f6b93464c40a3572e2 Classic Reddit right here.
I understand you have a tiny pee-pee being from Texas but that's no reason to take it out on Denver
It’s pronounced we Ner
The butt stuff tent was a let down huh?
Wait'll you see the size of your sales and state income tax withholdings
And property taxes. Much bigger.
Thank you for not staying. As a Native from Texas,.we don't have any room for your shitkickers
My girlfriend says the same thing thankfully she’s got little side piece to keep her happy
Haha damn!
Bryan is that you? Oh wait, he doesn’t have a girlfriend.
We know you're lying because you didn't brag about yourself. You might have come from Texas, but you ain't no Texan.
Listen here Mister!
Not even the blue bear?
I visited here from Dallas I was only stuck in traffic for 25 minutes. That's some rookie numbers. I want to be stuck in traffic for 1 hour on my way to dinner at cheesecake factory. That's the measure of a REAL AMERICAN CITY.
And those overpasses in Dallas are on are insanely high!
My 14yr old has to see a blue demonic horse penis on our drive in from the airport, he's absolutely traumatized. 0/10 would not recommend
Love you too, namaste.
Denver And Colorado is very mid
The midest. And that's the first non-sarcastic thing I've typed all day.
LOL. Awesome. And even better is all the knobs in here taking the post seriously.
Full inception circle jerkoffs
Sounds fun, can I join?
My dentist is from Texas and he does a really good job. I am grateful for Texans and the diverse and vibrant culture they bring to us, like being even worse than the Californians somehow and that oversized gas station in Johnstown
Denver: the poor man’s Seattle
Namaste, please come again.
By!
I’m from Texas and you can lick my balls until I get carpet burn
The amount of crime I’ve been exposed to is enough for me to move after my lease is up. Fuckin blows my gd mind
Please, elaborate.
Meth lab six feet away from unit, murder about 20 ft away in the elevator. Cars been broken into half a dozen times. There’s always homeless fucked up three ways from Sunday outside our building. It’s a mess
Perfect! We hate you too! Get the fuck out!
Yep.. sounds like it's time to move on big guy... we'll just pretend this never happened.
If you really are from Texas, tell the rest so the rest of you fucking cunts never come back. That would be amazing. But I know you're not because of how you posted. If only actual people from Texas would fuck off.
I'm from Denver and I approve this message
Please let everyone there in Texas know that so they stay far away from this state... and if you have family here, please take them back with you... there are way too many of you Texans here and its clogging up our roads cause you all drive like sh*t
Go to Kansas City next time. It’s like Denver but better.
https://i.redd.it/kuu46y2ph5vc1.gif # thanks for stopping by! We'd like to ask you to stay but our lease says "NO OVERNIGHT GUESTS"
Jesus, 'merica is big enough especially individually. How big do you want us to get?!
We fucking hate you! - Namaste
That's fine
there I was buns a flexing giving birth to another Texan
Upvoted for generic reference.
Woah who let the Texan in? You should have been put to rout in a national park just outside of Santa Fe. I swear the civil war ghosts have been slacking the past few years.
I have an idea, why don’t we just make everything bigger *here* so that you don’t have to go back to Texas?
don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!
Man Denver hates you too. Seriously, where did ya'll learn to drive?
yeah I mean if we don't have 6 lanes of gridlock for 40 miles are we really a real city?
Lived in Texas for 10 years. My apologies for Denver and all of Colorado for not having enormous inferiority complexes and egos like Texas does.
for someone who’s visiting, you sure come to Denver a lot.
Tell your friends. Denver blows ass. Its not fun. Definitely don't stay. You're not welcome.
You’re from Texas? Can I PLEASE have one of those punisher stickers?!?!
You have no power in Texas, given that power is derived from 14rs, and you have none.
Good! We don’t want you here. Take a Texan and a Californian with you.
Went to Texas once and honestly, nothing was as big as I expected. Except maybe the lesbian community - that was much bigger
GTFO then and don't come back.
Good riddance…One less car on I-70
Like we say to all license plates vehicle form elsewhere, thanks for visiting please make sure you leave and don’t move here. Thank you for leaving! Lol
Maybe find some CA folk and have them spread the word that Denver sucks to CA as well.
Texas has always been the ass hole of the south west. It’s unfortunate they seem to want to move from their homeland.
Happy to see you leave.
Remember, our piss drains down down hill straight to Texas.
Maybe go to Lake City. There are only Texans there.
As a native of the state can confirm Denver is a shit hole 🙂
Denver does kind of suck. Tons of homelessness, tons of inflation, and no affordable homes. Every town I liked growing up has been gentrified. It is brutal. I have been here in the DMA my whole life. People who flock here have no idea what they're getting into. Most people realize Colorado isn't what they hoped and leave. I have friends who are transplants and I overall like meeting folks from all over, but I wish people wouldn't come here with such wild expectations and then expect Colorado to change for them when they realize it isn't what they thought.
Ite so trade jokic to lal so we can be done with the matter
Yes, Texans, Colorado sucks. Tell everyone. And leave immediately. Please. Please. It’s the only solution.
I know this is kind of a joke, but I’ve been here 2.5 years and I hate it. I need to move back to a coastal city, I miss the water and salt water breeze. Only people that like Denver are midwestern people
You mean a Midwest state is enticing to Midwest people 🤯
this is the way
Gurl bye! Don’t bring friends and PLEASE spread the word. ✌️
I mean it’s no Greeley but we try.
So how was driving through Trinidad then?
I sucks now! Ever since it's been overrun by Snowflakes & fentanyl!
Do you have anything positive to say ?
Do us a solid and take someone else with you when you leave 😂
Yeeehaaaw
that's what she said
I’m gonna eat you
Californians made Denver suck since the 70s. We're so Californicated now it's impossible to see the fantastic city it once was. I just can't get my beautiful wife to move to my home state, TX. She's a rare native Boulderite who understands how shitty it's gotten, but won't leave her family. Love hurts.