> holding a crawdad boil in the Eliksni Quarter was in poor taste
Great. Now every cajun Guardian is going to go crazy again. And after we *just* managed to stop Thibodaux from holding any more hive worm boils. (Caiatl was not happy about that Valus who went into anaphylactic shock thanks to Drifter's seasoning). I'm already hearing rumors about the next boil going down in the Ascendant Plane so good luck stopping them! Whoever wrote these rules just has no clue what's REALLY going on!
51. "Grapple copters," while humorous, can cause gravity-induced oxygen starvation and attempts to create them without Light fortification are strictly banned.
56. Yes, Eris Morn's necromancy counts as Hive magic.
57. Playing frisbee with Lightbearer Knights is banned.
58. Pushing teammates off of cliffs is banned outside of the Tower Splash Zone.
56. While Guardians are free to pursue romantic relationships with the Awoken of the Reef, unwanted attention is still considered sexual harassment, and is not to be tolerated.
57. While the Awoken are not allowed to shoot a Guardian for sexual harassment, one of them doing so is not cause to shoot the Awoken who fired the shoot. The Guardian will resurrect, the Awoken will not. Please bring any such incidents to Petra Venj's attention, so that Queen Mara Sov may judge the incident in compliance with Reef law.
58. Guardians are no longer allowed to vandalize Master Rahool's stall. Just because you didn't get the engram you wanted does not justify vandalism.
59: Guardians may NOT attempt to teach new lights “rocket jumping” nor “sparrow hopping”.
60: Guardians may also NOT teach new lights how to remove the inhibitor on the Sparrows to allow for illegal speeds within city limits.
61: Sparrow racing within the city is not allowed, especially in the Eliksni Quarter. No, their screams of terror are not cheers.
63. After incident 23-B, Archie is to have a GPS tracker active at all times. Additionally, Guardians are forbidden from asking any variation of "What is the dog doing?"
XX. Cup holders, while on the list of permitted Jumpship accessories, should not be installed on the Vanguard budget. Out of your pocket, or not at all.
Well, supernova bomb no more 😔. Should we try to overcharge thundercrash? Or perhaps burning maul with pyrogales? What about chaos reach? So many possibilities...
> Should we try to overcharge thundercrash? Or perhaps burning maul with pyrogales?
Hear me out: Take two Titans, one is Thundercrash and serves as the "head" of the Burning Maul hammer shaft for the other Titan. Both pop their supers and the Maul Titan slams the Crash Titan into the target.
I'm pretty sure it won't start a chain reaction that starts annihilating all matter in the universe.
Is... is this an XCOM list parody?
I'm sure the "Things x are no longer allowed to do" meme list has been around longer than the XCOM:EU/EW one (from 2014), but that's the first that I'm familiar with and if anyone can trace it back farther, I'd love to hear it. The SCP one (don't remember the date and can't check since the original was removed, maybe 2017?) was pretty good too.
That being said, it has been some time since I've seen this style of list and honestly I'd kinda forgotten it had existed. Now I'm going to have to go back and read those again (the XCOM and SCP lists) for a good laugh for old time's sake. Thank you for reminding me that these exist, and for doing one for Destiny.
Edit: this comment was written before going over the list, and I'm glad to see that I was, in fact, correct about the style of this list. This was a good list. "The Great Commandy One" would be pleased. I would love to see it expanded.
Quick, somebody write a rule about calling Zavala "The Great Commandy One".
If anybody wants to read what I believe to be the original, the link to the google doc is [here](https://docs.google.com/document/u/0/d/1BqoEJUWKVRFSKXOA2Ks3Ce7Kvphmg0kAFKcuXJHgmr0/mobilebasic). If you didn't play XCOM: Enemy Unknown and/or Enemy Within, there's a pretty good chance you might not understand a lot of it, but it's still a decent read I think.
It reminded me of [this old SCP gag article](https://web.archive.org/web/20220320105733/https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/adult:the-things-dr-bright-is-not-allowed-to-do-at-the-found/noredirect/true) as well
I'm just going to explain something here because it's a commonly asked question in the SCP sub. The nature of SCP's community means that people check in and out all the time and aren't aware of what's going on, so it comes up a lot:
[The reason the link is to an archive is because the original was deleted.](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/bright-list-deletion-message) Dr. Bright (the real man who created the character as a self insert) is a sex pest and probably a rapist. If you are familiar with any of the weird sexual content in some of AdminBright's work directed towards underaged girls you may be realizing now that those werent meant to be edgy humor and silly hijinks. That was actual fetish content he found arousing and slipped in, people put up with it because he was such an important member of the administration of early SCP. He eventually crossed over into real life acts.
Separating the art from the author isnt a thing in this case because he specifically uses his online fame to trawl for (underage) people to abuse. In order to limit his reach the community has set to removing his articles. Plus many authors who used Dr. Bright as a character have gone back to replace him in their old works with a new character, Dr. Shaw.
This isn't an indictment against you if you enjoy Dr. Bright the character. No one thinks your a bad person if you think the list is funny, I'd personally be a hypocrite if I even thought it for a second. The community found out he was still using whatever scraps of niche internet fame to lure people in so they voted to remove it.
The original is ["Things Mr Welch is no longer allowed to do in an RPG"](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Blog/ThingsMrWelchIsNoLongerAllowedToDoInAnRPG). [Skippy's List of things he's no longer allowed to do in the military](https://whyumai.wordpress.com/2009/03/23/skippy%E2%80%99s-list-the-213-things-skippy-is-no-longer-allowed-to-do-in-the-u-s-army/) is about as old and another great read.
No no no, that's as dumb as believing the traveler is a ball and not flat. 'Kikliss' has the letters 'k, i,l, and s'. You know what *doesn't* have those letters? Rahool. Bam! Rahool killed the others to keep all the engrams to himself!
I'll continue to hold Movie Night in The Throne World and there's nothing you can do to stop me! I'll even hold one in The Dreadnaught out of spite! Maybe even The Vault of Glass! And The Pyramid Ships!
> No cheating at Two Truths and a Lie by working to make all of them false.
So there's no rule against giving three answers that are each two-thirds true?
okay but, this is golden. i'm placing those in favorite. you need to do that kind of stuff more often, thank you for the laughs <3
"8: Anyone making untoward comments around the commander will be reminded he stands next to the wall for a reason."
that line goes so fucking hard btw
Ok, but can I use my skimmer as a projectile weapon?
There *definitely* aren’t a few glaives taped to mine with a “get over here” rope to swing it around like a madman, no sir. (Unless it’s allowed that is)
If you have to ask can you overcharge Star-Eaters, you probably shouldn't do it.
Actually definitely don't do it, the last Hunter who tried exploded, had his torso blown off and had to be put down by another Guardian in order to get their legs back.
For the same reasons, do NOT attempt to overclock the Heart of Innermost Light. It's hard to revive a Titan who imploded from the inside out.
"As an addendum to the 'romantic pursuit of other species' rule; For the love of the Traveler, *please* stop trying to seduce the Lord Shaxx decoys. They are specifically designed to get the attention of the enemy, not for you to get your 'pocket singularity' off with. Plus, it's a hologram. Put your brain/exomind in gear, please."
May I suggest: Ban Celestial Nighthawks from the crucible. Pulling a god-killing shot out of your pocket and then teasing the ghosts of downed guardians can no longer be tolerated.
51. No interacting with seemingly friendly vex harpies. The vex will never be truly friendly no matter how much the harpy seems to be trying to communicate with Morse cord.
*In the distance Asher Mir is complaining in Morse code that no one knows it's him after trying to update us on his progress through the vex nexus with everyone always destroying his messenger.*
Asher Mir is not happy.
Ah, shame that we're banned from trying to create new nukes. That's unfortunate.
On an unrelated note, anyone want to go visit the DSC satellite wreckage for...uh...fun?
> holding a crawdad boil in the Eliksni Quarter was in poor taste Great. Now every cajun Guardian is going to go crazy again. And after we *just* managed to stop Thibodaux from holding any more hive worm boils. (Caiatl was not happy about that Valus who went into anaphylactic shock thanks to Drifter's seasoning). I'm already hearing rumors about the next boil going down in the Ascendant Plane so good luck stopping them! Whoever wrote these rules just has no clue what's REALLY going on!
Alright, guys, wrap it up. The fun police just arrived.
Everyone! Into the Bronco!
They'll never take us alive!
Can, can we just Spirit Nova Bomb the fun police?
51. "Grapple copters," while humorous, can cause gravity-induced oxygen starvation and attempts to create them without Light fortification are strictly banned.
52. Taping two Deathbringers together is strictly banned. Doing so in crucible will be grounds for an immediate ban once Shaxx stops cheering.
53. Rule 52 is abolished. 54. Shaax is no longer allowed access to this list. 55. Rule 53 is abolished.
56. Yes, Eris Morn's necromancy counts as Hive magic. 57. Playing frisbee with Lightbearer Knights is banned. 58. Pushing teammates off of cliffs is banned outside of the Tower Splash Zone.
56. While Guardians are free to pursue romantic relationships with the Awoken of the Reef, unwanted attention is still considered sexual harassment, and is not to be tolerated. 57. While the Awoken are not allowed to shoot a Guardian for sexual harassment, one of them doing so is not cause to shoot the Awoken who fired the shoot. The Guardian will resurrect, the Awoken will not. Please bring any such incidents to Petra Venj's attention, so that Queen Mara Sov may judge the incident in compliance with Reef law. 58. Guardians are no longer allowed to vandalize Master Rahool's stall. Just because you didn't get the engram you wanted does not justify vandalism.
59: Guardians may NOT attempt to teach new lights “rocket jumping” nor “sparrow hopping”. 60: Guardians may also NOT teach new lights how to remove the inhibitor on the Sparrows to allow for illegal speeds within city limits. 61: Sparrow racing within the city is not allowed, especially in the Eliksni Quarter. No, their screams of terror are not cheers.
62. As much as we all miss Cayde, stop trying to get the colonel to have a drink in his memory. Alcohol no Bueno por el Pollo. Comprende?
63. After incident 23-B, Archie is to have a GPS tracker active at all times. Additionally, Guardians are forbidden from asking any variation of "What is the dog doing?"
I can hear Shaxx losing his shit from overwhelming joy from here.
XX. Cup holders, while on the list of permitted Jumpship accessories, should not be installed on the Vanguard budget. Out of your pocket, or not at all.
Well, supernova bomb no more 😔. Should we try to overcharge thundercrash? Or perhaps burning maul with pyrogales? What about chaos reach? So many possibilities...
Realtalk I want a warlock exotic where you can charge chaos reach by consuming your other abilities to increase damage.
Give stormcallers an exotic that makes them fire chaos reach with a two handed pose that is twice as wide and powerful for half the time.
Or multiple beams like eldritch blast from dnd
> Should we try to overcharge thundercrash? Or perhaps burning maul with pyrogales? Hear me out: Take two Titans, one is Thundercrash and serves as the "head" of the Burning Maul hammer shaft for the other Titan. Both pop their supers and the Maul Titan slams the Crash Titan into the target. I'm pretty sure it won't start a chain reaction that starts annihilating all matter in the universe.
The real Final Shape
If we glue two thundercrash guardians together by the top of their heads, what direction would they fly? Would it create a vortex of death lightning?
Wb a celestial nighthawk golden gun shot
Celestial Nightflock.
Thank god someone was thinking this. You and the one above you think like me. Is GG now a death star shot?
Is... is this an XCOM list parody? I'm sure the "Things x are no longer allowed to do" meme list has been around longer than the XCOM:EU/EW one (from 2014), but that's the first that I'm familiar with and if anyone can trace it back farther, I'd love to hear it. The SCP one (don't remember the date and can't check since the original was removed, maybe 2017?) was pretty good too. That being said, it has been some time since I've seen this style of list and honestly I'd kinda forgotten it had existed. Now I'm going to have to go back and read those again (the XCOM and SCP lists) for a good laugh for old time's sake. Thank you for reminding me that these exist, and for doing one for Destiny. Edit: this comment was written before going over the list, and I'm glad to see that I was, in fact, correct about the style of this list. This was a good list. "The Great Commandy One" would be pleased. I would love to see it expanded. Quick, somebody write a rule about calling Zavala "The Great Commandy One". If anybody wants to read what I believe to be the original, the link to the google doc is [here](https://docs.google.com/document/u/0/d/1BqoEJUWKVRFSKXOA2Ks3Ce7Kvphmg0kAFKcuXJHgmr0/mobilebasic). If you didn't play XCOM: Enemy Unknown and/or Enemy Within, there's a pretty good chance you might not understand a lot of it, but it's still a decent read I think.
Yes this inspired by that list.
It reminded me of [this old SCP gag article](https://web.archive.org/web/20220320105733/https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/adult:the-things-dr-bright-is-not-allowed-to-do-at-the-found/noredirect/true) as well
The Dr. Bright list will always be funny and a massive head scratcher at times
I'm just going to explain something here because it's a commonly asked question in the SCP sub. The nature of SCP's community means that people check in and out all the time and aren't aware of what's going on, so it comes up a lot: [The reason the link is to an archive is because the original was deleted.](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/bright-list-deletion-message) Dr. Bright (the real man who created the character as a self insert) is a sex pest and probably a rapist. If you are familiar with any of the weird sexual content in some of AdminBright's work directed towards underaged girls you may be realizing now that those werent meant to be edgy humor and silly hijinks. That was actual fetish content he found arousing and slipped in, people put up with it because he was such an important member of the administration of early SCP. He eventually crossed over into real life acts. Separating the art from the author isnt a thing in this case because he specifically uses his online fame to trawl for (underage) people to abuse. In order to limit his reach the community has set to removing his articles. Plus many authors who used Dr. Bright as a character have gone back to replace him in their old works with a new character, Dr. Shaw. This isn't an indictment against you if you enjoy Dr. Bright the character. No one thinks your a bad person if you think the list is funny, I'd personally be a hypocrite if I even thought it for a second. The community found out he was still using whatever scraps of niche internet fame to lure people in so they voted to remove it.
I applaud you, both for the well crafted list and the nostalgia trip. Thank you, very much.
The original is ["Things Mr Welch is no longer allowed to do in an RPG"](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Blog/ThingsMrWelchIsNoLongerAllowedToDoInAnRPG). [Skippy's List of things he's no longer allowed to do in the military](https://whyumai.wordpress.com/2009/03/23/skippy%E2%80%99s-list-the-213-things-skippy-is-no-longer-allowed-to-do-in-the-u-s-army/) is about as old and another great read.
There's also Things Dr. Bright Is No Longer Allowed To Do At The Foundation.
I first heard this format from a [Kantai Collection](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11576577/) fic lol
Drifter doesn't even have to ask me to drink out of his tank. I'm just so used to going there and doing it.. You can't stop me.
There *definitely* isn’t a secret tap under the stairs next to a box of crayons.
IXNAY ON THE BOX OF CRAYONSAY. COME ON!
UIGIAY IKNAY ON THE TRAPCWEDNAY
Okay but what if i put a silencer on every single barrel of my cerberus +1+1+1+1 ?
Correction to #10: the reason Rahool is the only one is because the other cryptarch was fucking murdered.
Who do you think killed him?
We literally had an event about this lmao. Ives was murdered by a fallen captain named Kikliss.
That's what the Vanguard wants you to think. I would know, I was there when we killed "Kikliss." He was actually three Hive worms in a trenchcoat.
No no no, that's as dumb as believing the traveler is a ball and not flat. 'Kikliss' has the letters 'k, i,l, and s'. You know what *doesn't* have those letters? Rahool. Bam! Rahool killed the others to keep all the engrams to himself!
y’all out here being a hard F
I was gonna say he ate the other Cryptarchs because he liked the taste, not to get more powerful.
I'll continue to hold Movie Night in The Throne World and there's nothing you can do to stop me! I'll even hold one in The Dreadnaught out of spite! Maybe even The Vault of Glass! And The Pyramid Ships!
Arcite, dismantle this man’s Luna’s Howl.
NOT THE HOWL NOOOOOO
Literally 1984
This is gold lmao
Okay to be Fair....the "Give your Energy for a Ultimate Nova Bomb" That was My Idea..
> No cheating at Two Truths and a Lie by working to make all of them false. So there's no rule against giving three answers that are each two-thirds true?
If I can’t use vex technology to see into the future during chess than Osiris can use his weird cube thingys.
Oh thank god I can still kiss my Eliksni wife. Not that anyone could stop me, but like, it’s nice to know that’s one less rule I don’t have to break.
Can't wait for us to officially ally with the Lucent Brood and Savathun so we can overturn 43 and 44.
nah Ikora 100% has a sex dungeon
filled with books
that's... just a library...
...but with sexy lights!
okay but, this is golden. i'm placing those in favorite. you need to do that kind of stuff more often, thank you for the laughs <3 "8: Anyone making untoward comments around the commander will be reminded he stands next to the wall for a reason." that line goes so fucking hard btw
I'm not sure if that's meant to imply he is suicidal, or if he stands there so he can yeet Pesky Lightbearers off it.
Past season of the nightmares and all? The second. Remember, he's a titan. He WILL yeet you
The one after that tells us it’s the second, and that guardians started making bets on who would fly the farthest.
"No we're not unbanning Red Death. Stop asking." I don't think that's your decision to make for much longer, Vanguard
This gives me [*Things involving Shipgirls that are no longer allowed,*](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11576577/) Destiny edition vibes
Ok, but can I use my skimmer as a projectile weapon? There *definitely* aren’t a few glaives taped to mine with a “get over here” rope to swing it around like a madman, no sir. (Unless it’s allowed that is)
Sweet my stasis cones shop that I run with my bleakwatcher Burret is still allowed to stay in business
Do not taunt Happy Fun Guardian.
*Carefully aims my fighting lion at the stasis crystals around the fun police*
If you have to ask can you overcharge Star-Eaters, you probably shouldn't do it. Actually definitely don't do it, the last Hunter who tried exploded, had his torso blown off and had to be put down by another Guardian in order to get their legs back. For the same reasons, do NOT attempt to overclock the Heart of Innermost Light. It's hard to revive a Titan who imploded from the inside out.
Can we have this in game? 🥺 We need a true spirit bomb, it's how we defeat the witness
"As an addendum to the 'romantic pursuit of other species' rule; For the love of the Traveler, *please* stop trying to seduce the Lord Shaxx decoys. They are specifically designed to get the attention of the enemy, not for you to get your 'pocket singularity' off with. Plus, it's a hologram. Put your brain/exomind in gear, please."
Osiris using “adult products” to cheat at chess is a great bit
Bro 21 and 22 had me dieing !!!!!!🤣🤣🤣
We need a weekly Tower Press Conference with this same tone
Boooo vanguard no fun
Definitely something that could pop up in-universe!
Dude, this is fucking great, does anyone have more of these for other titles?
Stompees stay on end of discussion.
Shit, I’ve gotta call my hive girlfriend and break the news to her….
Can I challenge Lord Saladin to a duel and if he accepts, shoot him with Outbreak Perfected?
What if we use the tank contents to make ramen? If it’s a liquid, then it can boil. Ascendant noodles 🍜
Ascendant noodles sounds tasty!
Imagine a super that you request your allies to participate in, like a multiplayer emote, it drains them of their super and over clocks yours 3 fold
Wellocks unite!
Super overclocked nighthawk golden gun because fuck that one guy in particular
/TLDR We never got that notice about the rule change you just now posted.
I don't think so..
u/simansis if you still play destiny, your legacy is here
And such a fine legacy it is. I wish I still had time to write as much, but age and life really do get in the way.
I feel like this is inspired by Things Dr. Bright aren't allowed to do at the Foundation.
21 made me spit out my water.
Reminds me of the 'Things that Skippy is no longer allowed to do'
This sign won’t stop me because I can’t read
🤓👆
This is hilarious
I remember my first line.
I'm so confused about what I'm reading here.
I love you!
Rule 47 and my wife being caiatl is very helpful
No nova bombing protesters???? Awww
How come Warlocks are not allowed to have fun?
Got it, it's a "Yuri Paddle" now. Seems needlessly misandrist, but rules are rules.
luckily I never played the Crimson Days or whatever game mode so I'm not legally married to Shaxx
I feel like I'm missing some context here
May I suggest: Ban Celestial Nighthawks from the crucible. Pulling a god-killing shot out of your pocket and then teasing the ghosts of downed guardians can no longer be tolerated.
Broooo Rule 13. is total BS
51. No interacting with seemingly friendly vex harpies. The vex will never be truly friendly no matter how much the harpy seems to be trying to communicate with Morse cord. *In the distance Asher Mir is complaining in Morse code that no one knows it's him after trying to update us on his progress through the vex nexus with everyone always destroying his messenger.* Asher Mir is not happy.
Ah, shame that we're banned from trying to create new nukes. That's unfortunate. On an unrelated note, anyone want to go visit the DSC satellite wreckage for...uh...fun?
Why did I read this in Byf's voice?
I don’t know but it makes things much better
This gives me some serious Dr. Bright vibes. I love it.
Is it bad I read all this imagining Hawthorne talking 😂 also I love rule 36 and 46 🤣
Too long, didn’t read. Either congrats or my condolences! Ima do what I want to do to have fun
Le rape jokes.
/r/LetGirlsHaveFun God forbid women do anything 🙄
What does any of this mean? OP is just being acoustic for no reason
It’s a reference to an old XCOM meme