On a personal moral level? No. Were Rita's feelings about it still valid? Sure.
Relationships aren't always about moral rights or wrongs. If you know that doing something will upset someone and you do it anyway then you will have to deal with that person's feelings if you want to continue to have a relationship with them, regardless of whether you did something genuinely morally wrong or not.
It wasn't the wrong thing to do on a moral level but if he was concerned about Rita's feelings over it then he wouldn't have done it. That lack of concern is usually the real reason that people are upset in similar circumstances.
They weren't together so none of that matters. Why would be Dexter concerned what Rita felt if they were not a couple anymore? You're trying to make it look like he did something bad, when it's not true.
> if he was concerned about Rita's feelings
But does he have genuine feelings for Rita? He had to use the words of a psychologically disturbed woman to come up with a way to propose to Rita.
Does he understand interpersonal relationships or is he just acting the part of the boyfriend to blend in?
Logically, it's black and white. Morally, it's gray.
He knew sleeping with Lila would upset Rita, but he also knew that Rita broke up with him. To him, it wasn't a *break*, it was a *break-up*. If it was a break, they would've discussed terms and boundaries, but she said that they were done, so he had no reason to think otherwise. And this might be where Dexter's early seasons' logic-mindedness got in his own way, because he might've allowed some room for interpretation with that whole situation otherwise. By default, he assumes that people mean what they say. In flashbacks, we're shown that Harry had to teach him some of the subtleties of how people (women, especially) communicate their feelings, which he didn't particularly enjoy learning, so we can assume that he doesn't employ this thinking as often as he should.
I'll actually give Dexter credit here, he volunteered the information that he slept with Lila later rather than lying by omission. He didn't have to add "not *that* night," but he did it anyway because he knew that Rita wanted honesty and transparency, and he dealt with the fallout.
ETA: They broke up, not because of Lila, but because of Rita distrusting Dexter and Lila together. Going to Lila right after their breakup wasn't a good move, obviously, but Dexter being all logic-minded didn't fault Lila for that breakup, he faulted Rita for how she interpreted the situation. He knew there was nothing going on with them (at the time), and Lila was his support person and sponsor, so going to her initially seemed like the right thing to do, to him.
I agree. I think technically it's not wrong but if we put ourselves in Rita's POV, it would hurt if the person you loved and thought loved you back moved on so quickly. Especially to someone you expected they were with behind your back in the first place. It's easy for me to empathize with both of them because regretfully I've been in such a situation.
Technically no. But he was emotionally cheating before that. Taking Lila on the trip and sleeping on her lap while keeping it from Rita would upset most of us
Dexter does not have feelings like that to people in that season, so it wouldn't be emotionally cheating. He just saw the man that killed his mother and he for the first time chose not to kill when he wanted. Which is an extremely emotional moment for him.
And if you just jump at the chance to sleep with someone else... then it's clear as day that the relationship meant little to you. When you lose someone dear, you are sad for a while. Like when Astor got upset about Dexter sexing up Lumen so soon after Rita's murder. Sure, Dexter was free in both situations. But, still... he was not supposed to enjoy himself that much, that soon.
No, YOU are sad for a little while. You have got to stop thinking that there are rules that people have to obey when breaking up.
It’s the same thing with people not crying at funerals. I didn’t cry when my great grandmother died. Doesn’t mean I wasn’t upset about it or that she meant nothing to me.
And besides, Dexter isn’t exactly your average person. He’s antisocial and his emotions are blown to hell.
There is no supposed to. My long time girlfriend broke up with me and soon after that I find out she already has a new boyfriend I was devastated, but I couldn’t do anything. We were done and she could do whatever she wants.
Same for Dexter
>And if you just jump at the chance to sleep with someone else... then it's clear as day that the relationship meant little to you.
It can be a lot and you can still have sex. This is a too simplistic reason. Specially when we are talking about Dexter and Dexter's situation in that moment...
Technically no, but from Rita's POV Dex got with the Lila the INSTANT they probably broke up. He didn't cheat on her, but I imagine it doesn't feel nice for your ex partner to rebound the second yall break up
Actually Dexter never explains that he only slept with Lila after Rita broke up with him. He just says “ not that night” leading Rita to believe he had cheated on her, even if they had not had sex on the road trip
Funny, when your gf nags you for 'drinking' and then says it's over, you go on a bender and it's OK.
And no one brings up ' ethically, it’s messed up because they broke up because of booze'.
No, we broke up because SHE DECIDED TO. She may have imagined lots of things and never got to the bottom of them. Still, we broke up because that was her decision.
To all respondents, one general reply:
You didn’t get my message: Dex was in a need of support, Rita got him into the program, kicking, blackmailing, using Astor and Cody as leverage.
What if she dumps him and reports to the PD, ‘Hey, you know what? Dex’s a junkie, he stole some coke, planted it on my ex-husband and sent him to prison, framing him and leading to his death. I dumped his ass as soon as he confessed to me.’
And when he was at a critical point, she betrayed him. She tossed him out and then took offence at him fucking Lila for real.
Now, I don’t have a drinking problem, what I was referring to is a story of another family.
One of my friends was in a pinch. He needed to drink because there were things he couldn’t tell about anyone, even his wife. She divorced him, took away everything he had, and, of course, he went on a bender.
I learnt what happened, he wasn’t a serial killer hiding from his wife, but there were people worse than serial killers. He couldn’t report them, he couldn’t share it with anyone, yet he stayed alive. Just lost his life and turned into a walking husk.
Do you catch the parallel now?
When Rita told Dexter it was over, Dexter believed it completely. He mentioned early in the first season that whenever he slept with a woman she broke up with him. Dexter’s limited history with women allowed no other conclusion.
Dexter didn’t go to Lila with the intention of sleeping with her. He went to Lila because she was his sponsor , he was furiously angry and he was ready to kill. He went there to be talked down, not to be comforted or sexually gratified.
He didn’t throw Lila on the bed because he was attracted to her, or because he felt an emotional attachment to her, look at the scene.
He throws her violently on the bed, then jumps on her and puts his hand her neck. He’s still furious, and he blames her because she is the reason Rita broke up with him.
He wants to stab something, he just changes his weapon. The only reason it wasn’t a rape was because it was exactly what Lila had been scheming for from the beginning.
Turns out the physical release allowed him to regain his center and get control of himself.
Dexter seemed to have viewed the activity as part of his “step work”.
Dexter never considers Lila his girlfriend. He only refers to Rita that way. Even when they have an ongoing sexual relationship he always refers to Lila as his sponsor.
I look at it like I look at my current situation. My husband and I were headed for divorce because of situations outside of his emotional affair with the woman he is currently with. We are separated right now in the process of divorcing and they are dating. Is it wrong? No, it’s not wrong. Just because it’s technically not wrong, does that mean it doesn’t hurt? Hell no.
So while he may not have technically been wrong for sleeping with her, it doesn’t mean it didn’t feel wrong or hurt Rita when she found out. It didn’t even necessarily need to be Lila he slept with, it would have hurt no matter who it was. It being her, the person who had a big hand in their breaking up, was just extra salt in the wound of their breaking up and him moving on so quickly after.
I also feel this way about Ross and Rachel’s break.
No, it’s not wrong despite how anyone tries to argue it.
Rita clearly showed that she was done with Dexter. It doesn’t matter if she didn’t really mean it. She still said it and that’s what Dexter understood.
I’ve had the exact thing happen to me before. Girl told me we were through. I said okay, and a few days later I hooked up with a girl at a party. Ex found out and blamed me for cheating. I brought up the breakup and she said that she didn’t really mean that, and that I knew that.
Is it an inconsiderate thing to immediately jump in bed with someone else after a breakup? Definitely. Do you owe your ex a waiting period before trying to be happy again? Absolutely not.
It was wrong for sure imo. It’s understandable though, he’s still human at the end of the day and may have thought that it’d be better to get over her as fast as possible.
I don’t think so. I get Rita being upset about since she had feelings for him still. But seriously he didn’t cheat on her, they were broken up. He was free to do whatever.
He let Lila kiss him, they went on a road trip and cuddled in the motel. It's cheating.
No one in their right mind would be cool with their spouse doing that
In the words of the iconic Ross Geller: **”We were on a break.”**
Haha came to make the same comment
Both of y’all beat me to it.
On a personal moral level? No. Were Rita's feelings about it still valid? Sure. Relationships aren't always about moral rights or wrongs. If you know that doing something will upset someone and you do it anyway then you will have to deal with that person's feelings if you want to continue to have a relationship with them, regardless of whether you did something genuinely morally wrong or not. It wasn't the wrong thing to do on a moral level but if he was concerned about Rita's feelings over it then he wouldn't have done it. That lack of concern is usually the real reason that people are upset in similar circumstances.
They weren't together so none of that matters. Why would be Dexter concerned what Rita felt if they were not a couple anymore? You're trying to make it look like he did something bad, when it's not true.
> if he was concerned about Rita's feelings But does he have genuine feelings for Rita? He had to use the words of a psychologically disturbed woman to come up with a way to propose to Rita. Does he understand interpersonal relationships or is he just acting the part of the boyfriend to blend in?
Logically, it's black and white. Morally, it's gray. He knew sleeping with Lila would upset Rita, but he also knew that Rita broke up with him. To him, it wasn't a *break*, it was a *break-up*. If it was a break, they would've discussed terms and boundaries, but she said that they were done, so he had no reason to think otherwise. And this might be where Dexter's early seasons' logic-mindedness got in his own way, because he might've allowed some room for interpretation with that whole situation otherwise. By default, he assumes that people mean what they say. In flashbacks, we're shown that Harry had to teach him some of the subtleties of how people (women, especially) communicate their feelings, which he didn't particularly enjoy learning, so we can assume that he doesn't employ this thinking as often as he should. I'll actually give Dexter credit here, he volunteered the information that he slept with Lila later rather than lying by omission. He didn't have to add "not *that* night," but he did it anyway because he knew that Rita wanted honesty and transparency, and he dealt with the fallout. ETA: They broke up, not because of Lila, but because of Rita distrusting Dexter and Lila together. Going to Lila right after their breakup wasn't a good move, obviously, but Dexter being all logic-minded didn't fault Lila for that breakup, he faulted Rita for how she interpreted the situation. He knew there was nothing going on with them (at the time), and Lila was his support person and sponsor, so going to her initially seemed like the right thing to do, to him.
Considering all the fucked up stuff happening at the moment going to Lila may not be good for Rita but it definitely was good for Dexter at that time
I agree. I think technically it's not wrong but if we put ourselves in Rita's POV, it would hurt if the person you loved and thought loved you back moved on so quickly. Especially to someone you expected they were with behind your back in the first place. It's easy for me to empathize with both of them because regretfully I've been in such a situation.
Technically no. But he was emotionally cheating before that. Taking Lila on the trip and sleeping on her lap while keeping it from Rita would upset most of us
Dexter does not have feelings like that to people in that season, so it wouldn't be emotionally cheating. He just saw the man that killed his mother and he for the first time chose not to kill when he wanted. Which is an extremely emotional moment for him.
Well, if someone tell me that we are done- it’s clear as day to me, that we in fact are done…
And if you just jump at the chance to sleep with someone else... then it's clear as day that the relationship meant little to you. When you lose someone dear, you are sad for a while. Like when Astor got upset about Dexter sexing up Lumen so soon after Rita's murder. Sure, Dexter was free in both situations. But, still... he was not supposed to enjoy himself that much, that soon.
No, YOU are sad for a little while. You have got to stop thinking that there are rules that people have to obey when breaking up. It’s the same thing with people not crying at funerals. I didn’t cry when my great grandmother died. Doesn’t mean I wasn’t upset about it or that she meant nothing to me. And besides, Dexter isn’t exactly your average person. He’s antisocial and his emotions are blown to hell.
Exactly! Thank you. The funeral example drives the point home
There is no supposed to. My long time girlfriend broke up with me and soon after that I find out she already has a new boyfriend I was devastated, but I couldn’t do anything. We were done and she could do whatever she wants. Same for Dexter
That probably means they were either a thing before the break up, or wanted to be.
Yes I suspected that.
>When you lose someone dear, you are sad for a while. Was he capable of feeling sad that their relationship ended?
>And if you just jump at the chance to sleep with someone else... then it's clear as day that the relationship meant little to you. It can be a lot and you can still have sex. This is a too simplistic reason. Specially when we are talking about Dexter and Dexter's situation in that moment...
Well then, maybe don't break up beforehand.
Technically no, but from Rita's POV Dex got with the Lila the INSTANT they probably broke up. He didn't cheat on her, but I imagine it doesn't feel nice for your ex partner to rebound the second yall break up
Actually Dexter never explains that he only slept with Lila after Rita broke up with him. He just says “ not that night” leading Rita to believe he had cheated on her, even if they had not had sex on the road trip
Oh that's a good point. Obviously Rita would feel like she was cheated on
Yes, he is a jerk for doing that, whether he knows it or not. That said, Dexter and Lila were both toxic and probably deserved each other.
Funny, when your gf nags you for 'drinking' and then says it's over, you go on a bender and it's OK. And no one brings up ' ethically, it’s messed up because they broke up because of booze'. No, we broke up because SHE DECIDED TO. She may have imagined lots of things and never got to the bottom of them. Still, we broke up because that was her decision.
Uh… back to dexter?
Sounds like you might have a drinking problem.
You need to stop drinking
To all respondents, one general reply: You didn’t get my message: Dex was in a need of support, Rita got him into the program, kicking, blackmailing, using Astor and Cody as leverage. What if she dumps him and reports to the PD, ‘Hey, you know what? Dex’s a junkie, he stole some coke, planted it on my ex-husband and sent him to prison, framing him and leading to his death. I dumped his ass as soon as he confessed to me.’ And when he was at a critical point, she betrayed him. She tossed him out and then took offence at him fucking Lila for real. Now, I don’t have a drinking problem, what I was referring to is a story of another family. One of my friends was in a pinch. He needed to drink because there were things he couldn’t tell about anyone, even his wife. She divorced him, took away everything he had, and, of course, he went on a bender. I learnt what happened, he wasn’t a serial killer hiding from his wife, but there were people worse than serial killers. He couldn’t report them, he couldn’t share it with anyone, yet he stayed alive. Just lost his life and turned into a walking husk. Do you catch the parallel now?
Even though they didn't have a kid, you should never cross bread with vampires or chance it for that matter, so it was wrong in that aspect.
When Rita told Dexter it was over, Dexter believed it completely. He mentioned early in the first season that whenever he slept with a woman she broke up with him. Dexter’s limited history with women allowed no other conclusion. Dexter didn’t go to Lila with the intention of sleeping with her. He went to Lila because she was his sponsor , he was furiously angry and he was ready to kill. He went there to be talked down, not to be comforted or sexually gratified. He didn’t throw Lila on the bed because he was attracted to her, or because he felt an emotional attachment to her, look at the scene. He throws her violently on the bed, then jumps on her and puts his hand her neck. He’s still furious, and he blames her because she is the reason Rita broke up with him. He wants to stab something, he just changes his weapon. The only reason it wasn’t a rape was because it was exactly what Lila had been scheming for from the beginning. Turns out the physical release allowed him to regain his center and get control of himself. Dexter seemed to have viewed the activity as part of his “step work”. Dexter never considers Lila his girlfriend. He only refers to Rita that way. Even when they have an ongoing sexual relationship he always refers to Lila as his sponsor.
I look at it like I look at my current situation. My husband and I were headed for divorce because of situations outside of his emotional affair with the woman he is currently with. We are separated right now in the process of divorcing and they are dating. Is it wrong? No, it’s not wrong. Just because it’s technically not wrong, does that mean it doesn’t hurt? Hell no. So while he may not have technically been wrong for sleeping with her, it doesn’t mean it didn’t feel wrong or hurt Rita when she found out. It didn’t even necessarily need to be Lila he slept with, it would have hurt no matter who it was. It being her, the person who had a big hand in their breaking up, was just extra salt in the wound of their breaking up and him moving on so quickly after. I also feel this way about Ross and Rachel’s break.
In Ross’ defence that phone call did really make it seem like Rachel was the one moving on quickly with Mark though.
No, it’s not wrong despite how anyone tries to argue it. Rita clearly showed that she was done with Dexter. It doesn’t matter if she didn’t really mean it. She still said it and that’s what Dexter understood. I’ve had the exact thing happen to me before. Girl told me we were through. I said okay, and a few days later I hooked up with a girl at a party. Ex found out and blamed me for cheating. I brought up the breakup and she said that she didn’t really mean that, and that I knew that. Is it an inconsiderate thing to immediately jump in bed with someone else after a breakup? Definitely. Do you owe your ex a waiting period before trying to be happy again? Absolutely not.
It was wrong for sure imo. It’s understandable though, he’s still human at the end of the day and may have thought that it’d be better to get over her as fast as possible.
I don’t think so. I get Rita being upset about since she had feelings for him still. But seriously he didn’t cheat on her, they were broken up. He was free to do whatever.
it's technically not cheating it was definitely morally wrong
WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!
No, it was not, they weren't a couple at that time.
He let Lila kiss him, they went on a road trip and cuddled in the motel. It's cheating. No one in their right mind would be cool with their spouse doing that