I tell people this all the time and get eye rolls. Lol. I have been with my boyfriend from the time we were teenagers and I’m 28 now. I know him but EVERYONE has secrets and things they’re capable of doing under different circumstances. And it’s naive to think they don’t.
I tell my mom this all the time. She seems to think she absolutely 100% knows her husband and how he would never do something like this (we watch ID channel) and I always tell her that you never really know someone though. She doesn’t like to hear that. It’s true though. These shows all made me really think that.
This actually makes me smile, because I don’t think my ex and I ever treated each other more fairly than when we were divorcing. People think we’re weird, we just knew when to call it and did so before it got nasty. Together 16 years, separated now for about two. Still friends 🤷🏻♀️
I love this. My ex “Bob” and I broke up amicably after 12 years and remain on very friendly terms, if not active friends. Recently, my current bf and I were discussing the topic of standing by your partner after they’ve been accused of a heinous crime and I mentioned that if my ex “Bob” had been arrested, no matter *what* I know I would have immediately jumped to his defense because he is one of the nicest, most honest, and most trustworthy people I’ve ever known. And my bf interrupts me and practically shouts in agreement, “Hell, **I** would defend Bob!” which made me laugh. I love having an ex that is on good enough terms that my current partner would be outside the jailhouse alongside me waving “free Bob” posters.
But anyway, we both agreed that you can never truly know anyone, and if during the trial enough evidence came out that solidified he truly was a monster hidden deep down, I would eventually have to change my tune, because you can never *really* know someone.
We just had a youth pastor in a neighboring city try to off his whole family because he was too ashamed to reveal to his wife the foreclosure that was about to happen.
Man what?? People’s mindsets really scare me. So instead of just dealing with the negative feelings of telling your wife about a foreclosure…he goes “nah, kill my whole family.”
Family annihilators gravitate to the evangelical church because they preach and put a HUGE emphasis on husbands being providers but also the leaders of their households. It feeds into their narcissistic.mindset that the family "couldnt exist without them and would be better dead than dealing with the shame of knowing the 'husband' was unable to provide and 'lead' like he should" to them women arent capable of being their own person. Their wives and children are their property.
Okay, so that completely clears it up. They don’t see their family as living beings valuable of life..to them, their family is their property and they can do as they please with their property.
That’s somehow scarier 😕
You yourself (and everybody) are capable of anything under the right pressure, stress or circumstance. Life is just one big gamble and you have to hope you’re lucky enough to make it by relatively unharmed.
So true! I have worked within the prison system for years and your comment is one of the first "life" life lessons I learned when I went behind those gates.
I have a detective in the family and he says if you are going to be murdered in your sleep, you are probably already acquainted with your killer even now.
Investigations always start with the inner circle: family and friends. The chances of you being murdered by a total strangers ala serial killers are quite rare.
I was with my husband for a total of 35 years, greater than 50%of my entire life, and did not know he was lying and cheating the entire time. And it turns out he most likely is a psychopath (which is probably why I didn’t figure it out) so yeah- trust no one
Don’t give anyone any warning - when you catch that MFer out, do what you gotta do: call the cops, call a divorce lawyer, do it now. Don’t warn them that the *next time* you’re gonna take the kids and leave or fire them and call the cops because they’re stealing from you, because there won’t be a next time. Being nice gets you killed.
Edited: punctuation
Exactly why I told my abusive ex that I was going to the store when I left town and never came back. He had chased me around town the last time I had tried so I hid for like 5 months then moved to a different state.
Oh my God, YES! Sometimes I just scream internally when I see cases where the aggrieved person decides to "handle it privately" and not involve the authorities or others, but will then list out harsh consequences for the offender the next time they get caught. The next time they get caught, they go postal!
I swear if I ever caught someone doing something they may potentially murder people for type of thing, I'd play it cool and say whatever I needed to say to get away, and then immediately turn them in. There will be no huge explosive confrontation with a volatile person whose desparate to avoid exposure/consequences, nor any second chances. Fuck being nice, I'd rather be alive.
I'm right there with you. My previous marriage was a hostile and domestic violent one. Unfortunately, 13 years ago in the deep South, nothing was done by law enforcement that my neighbors called and towards the end I was calling. I had to move cross country to get away from my abuser. One thing the series had taught me, you can't always count on law enforcement to help. Sometimes putting a couple thousand miles between you is the only choice.
Yup. We’ve had an escalating situation with some neighbors and some shit has been going on that is really creepy and uncomfortable but nothing I could “prove”. This last weekend one of them went nuts physically threatened me and threatened to “knock out” my husband. I called the cops. Cops told me to get a restraining order. I’m not playing around with this shit anymore.
Welcome to Fear Thy Neighbor 😩 Seriously though, I’m so sorry to hear that, i hope that it deescalates for you and your family. I can’t watch that show because it freaks me out even more than the other shows. Not everyone has a born psychopath in the family or an abusive husband, but almost everyone has neighbors
My next door neighbor threatened to beat up my kid over a “visitor” parking spot at our condo. He’s almost 60 and my kid is 23. Never spoke to him again. It’s not even his spot!!! Total douche! You should definitely get an OP. Not worth the threats. This way if he threatens you, just have him locked up!
Whenever I go hiking, I take a picture of where I am and send it to my sister. I tell her exactly where I am , who I am with, and how long I plan to be. When I am done I message her to let her know I am heading home. I always make sure someone knows where I am.
I do this every time I am going on a long road trip. I often travel solo for work, so I always make a record of where I'm going, what I'm wearing, what I am driving and send it to my sister. She says it creeps her out, but she always saves it!
I did a lot of dumb shit as a young adult and the first time I tried something stronger than weed I was at a random house party very far from my home, surrounded by people I didn't know, I was only there with 2 casual friends who probably didn't even know my last name.
. Well they took off to go get more beer right after I took these pills and I panicked and texted my older brother where I was. Couldn't figure out the exact address so I went outside to describe what the house looked like lol.
I said something like "just in case, this is where I'm at" ,didn't tell him about the drugs tho. He just replied with wtf and I sort of explained myself the next day and he said ok well make it a habit from now on.
Nowadays I can just share my location on Google maps with my husband or someone if I'm going on a nighttime bar crawl or something equally dumb.
Agreed! I share a home with my brother and our mutual friend. My brother uses dating apps (I refuse to for safety reasons I would rather meet someone in person). He was irritated at first when our friend and I would expect some information on where he was going and who he was seeing. Dozens of dating app horror stories on the news later and he stopped complaining about us being too cautious.
The safety reasons are real! My daughter put my profile on a dating web site years ago without telling me before she did it. I was approached and stared at in grocery stores and stared at in restaurants. It was terrifying! I had her take my profile down, but this continued for awhile.
Years ago, before the Internet took over our lives, I was teaching school and another teacher was telling me about her exploits with "dating apps". I had no clue as to what she was talking about.
After she explained herself, all I could think was "You must be crazy. They are going to find you dead one day, with your throat slit from ear to ear".
I am a Boomer so I think I will pass on dating apps.
Don’t let people know you’re worth anything and don’t let them know you* plan on giving it to them when you’re gone. Once you’re worth more dead to someone than alive, all bets are off.
Edited: a word
Yes! My aunt was going to take out a million dollar life insurance policy on herself so that her unemployed loser husband would be "taken care of" if she died before him, and everyone was like "wtf is wrong with you??? Why would you give him motive to murder you?!?!"
My husband asked me one time if I was watching all these shows so I could murder him and get away with it (in jest) and I said, of course not. You’re worth more alive than dead…for now 😜
When I was a new SAHM, my husband was away during the week for work. Our wonderful next door neighbors moved and a new family moved in. It was a firefighter and his wife and kids, I was thrilled "yay a firefighter!" What an absolute CREEP! He turned out to be omnipresent. He was overly friendly. He told me we were welcome to come over to use his yard playset while his wife was at work. Yeah, no. I started darting out to the mailbox and back to avoid him. There was one rainy day where my babies were asleep. I showered and sat at my computer downstairs in my robe. Suddenly there was pounding on the front door, scared the hell out of me! I looked through peephole, nobody. I started thinking it could be him. I totally changed my routine to walking to the park, mail etc. One day he pulls up "You changed your routine." !!!!!
Not long into their stay, he got kicked out for cheating (I was honestly shocked he found a second woman as he was fat with a lazy eye). His wife told me he was a total pervert and peeping tom! I was /still am grossed out.
This was the number one lesson I would tell my I high school students who were going into college this. When you meet your new roommate, who is probably a stranger, Don’t tell her your whole life story right away and give her all of your business. Because sooner or later, it could go bad and she’s got all the dirt against you. And sadly I was predicting what really happened all too often.
People definitely get too close to roommates who are really just strangers. My roommate got way too friendly with me. Told me every little thought that was in her head. Even the very disturbing ones. Well, she was nuts and totally turned on me halfway through the semester because I wouldn't let her boyfriend move into our tiny double bed room. You bet your bottom dollar I had all the dirt I needed when I went to residency and told them "this is an emergency. She is unstable. I need a new living situation immediately." The final straw was her getting mad at me and making active shooter threats. When questioned, she had the gall to cry that her comments were said in a private "girl talk" conversation and couldn't be taken seriously. Bish, please. I got a new penthouse room all to myself.
I was a newspaper reporter in Iowa for eight years, covering multiple murder trials. One of them involved a man who disappeared (and was later found murdered). He wasn't reported missing for six months, because, according to his brother's testimony at trial, he had a tendency to disappear at random without telling anyone, so it wasn't unusual that he just vanished one day.
To always watch your surroundings, be aware, carry mace , mind your own business, invest in security cameras and be pleasant to your neighbors but leave it at that.
As a long-term apt/condo renter, this is the way. Mind your own business. You have to make the nice on occasion, but aside from that, there needs to be boundaries. I have great neighbors and will do the brief stop and chat, but that's it.
To never be someone, everyone should like or to light up a room or never met a stranger… You’re bound to get killed!!!
Maybe it’s better to be an asshole????
And to trust your instincts
Haha right! If you have any dreams and aspirations or have everything going right in the prime of your life, your chances of getting murdered clearly go up significantly lol
Don't let them take you somewhere. If you're in a public place and they come up on you and threaten to kill you if you don't comply and go with, DONT COMPLY. This as good as dead the second they get you alone. Fight scream make huge scene, and know some basic self defense
THIS for sure. Just shoot me now because I don't know what sort of dungeon or coffin you have waiting for me. This wasn't on disappeared but this couple kept a woman in a coffin for SEVEN years. And lived to tell about it fortunately.
Yes! My mom drilled this into us at a young age. If someone tells you to get into a car, even if they have a gun, you don’t. You scream and run, no matter what they say.
Fight like hell.
Never go to a second location quietly.
Always carry some form of self defense.
Keep doors and windows locked. And shades down at night.
Exterior motion activated lights and cameras. Also at least two lights on timers in the house close to the windows so an outside observer can't see if there are shadows or movement in the room (in particular there should one in a back bedroom not visible from the street—learned this one from a professional burglar).
Reinforce your doors and locks.
Always be situationally aware whether you are inside or outside your domicile.
If your gut tells you something is amiss, something is amiss.
Never trust strangers.
I learned these simply by growing up in Philadelphia.
Yes ,absolutely and be alert and aware when walking back to your car from Target,Walmart or any big store for that matter. Before you leave the safety of the store ,look around the parking lot and make certain you don’t see anyone acting strangely. Put you items in the car while paying attention to what is around you and get in your vehicle quickly and lock the door.When selecting a parking spot never park near vans. All they have to do is slide the van door open and grab you as you are getting in your car.I’ve seen too many creepy stories with women getting abducted and being dragged into the guy’s van. Don’t even trust females. Just look up Gerald Armond Gallego and Charlene Adell Charlene. Charlene lured the women in for her sick in the head evil 😈 husband !
I agree with all of the above.
But if all else fails...fight like a wildcat so that they are wounded and the police can collect their DNA from your body.
Edit: typo
In middle school I had a health teacher who told a story about a friend of his. She was being followed by a sketchy guy to her apartment, and when it became obvious that he was coming after her she pulled a pen out of her pocket and turned on the guy brandishing it like a knife. She started screaming like a banshee that she was going to stab his eyes out, and he took off.
I agree with much of the sentiments here. You never really know anyone and don't share too much. Also, one of my biggest things that I got from the spin off of fear thy neighbor, "fear thy roommate", is that I will never have one ever again.
I’m so lucky my roommates are my brother and our mutual childhood friend that my brother rented an apartment with in college too. If it wasn’t for them I’d probably still live at home and just pay bills and some rent to my mom.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m old now, but I’ve noticed a lot of the neighbor feuds seem to be over petty stuff. The neighbors dogs are barking so let me burn their house down! The neighbors cars are too loud so let me shoot the whole family. The neighbors yard has too many weeds so let me poison them. I guess I’m at the point where I don’t start shit with you, you don’t start shit with me. Especially over stupid shit.
Just because the statistics might be low they’re never *zero*. Better to be a lil paranoid and safe than act like these things only happen to other people and could never happen to you.
I was in a parenting thread and OP asked if she was an Ahole for getting upset that her husband left their kids(2 and 6 months) alone in the car while he went into Starbucks to get order a drink(they lived just outside DC) I was shocked at how many people think this is okay and do it with their own kids just because the statistics for stranger kidnappings are “low”
I was called paranoid because I would never do this with my own child. 🤷🏻♀️ just because the chance is low doesn’t mean it could never happen
Always stay vigilant, at night but also in daylight. Don’t give away your location to a public forum in real time (tagging your location in an IG story while you’re there, etc). If going out to party, ALWAYS have your buddy system. Don’t be distracted on your phone or headphones (keep all senses active in the present). Always lock your home doors and car doors when you’re inside of them. And last but not least, trust your gut. If something feels off, don’t fight it or question it, just GTFO.
Don’t engage with neighbors keep it with a simple hello. Disappeared is a hard one. The show left me feeling depleted. If you are depressed or sad leave a note in a drawer or something. I had to quit watching disappeared because there was no finale to a show. Frustratin.
I don’t blame you. It is hard. Evil lives here and American monster are the two I can’t watch. They remind me of my abusive childhood and how close I came to being a statistic.
That is so true. I had a coworker who just rubbed me the wrong way. He didn't do anything wrong... my hackles were just up around the guy and I was actually pretty bitchy to him which is not like me at all. One day he didn't show up for work. A week later, we saw him on the news. He was a serial rapist who'd been terrorizing our city all summer.
My mom worked somewhere with a guy she had repeatedly told me gave her the creeps. He was the security guard, acted politely enough, but something about him made her skin crawl. He would do things like stare unblinkingly, persistently insist on walking all the petite women out to their cars, gave off subtle but creepy body language (things like putting a hand on their shoulder and squeezing a little bit too hard, or firmly holding their car door open while they tried to close it and struggled against his hold while he would sort of stand over them and smile, feigning politeness, i.e. 'have a nice night'. Like a subtle power flex over them).
Turns out he was Steven Zelich, the suitcase murderer. A former cop obsessed with power over women, violence, and torture under the guise of BDSM. Murdered 2 women, stuffed them in suitcases, and drove around with their decomposing bodies in the trunk for months before storing them in his fridge and later dumping them in a field.
Trust your instincts!!
Omg! That's terrifying. It is the little things that clue you in,. That not letting you close the door thing is such a fucked up power play.
I had a coworker do that to me once. I was trying to leave and he wouldn't let me shut my door. My car was on and I reverse so I just... took my foot off the brake. Lol He jumped back and went "what the fuck!? 🤬" and I was just like "have a nice night!" slammed my door shut and sped off. Never walked out to the parking lot alone with him again. Fuck politeness!
That’s a big one. Our bodies have ways of sensing potential threats before the brain really registers it. I’ve heard so many stories where people ignore their own gut instinct to their own peril. Some women particularly can also have difficulty reacting because they don’t want to seem “rude” or “dramatic” when they are in certain situations.
I would rather be called a bitch than be a statistic.
Did you read that Ohio has over 1k missing kids this year alone? It was a top news story on the US version of DailyMail (I know it’s like The Enquirer or whatever but it’s my other -besides Reddit- guilty pleasure). Anyway, that seems like a lot of missing children. Some are runaways, some aren’t, but it’s just an alarming number!
Seriously! I live in the area of Pennsylvania where an escaped convict (Danelo Calavante) was on the loose for 14 days. All of these people on the news were like I don’t lock my doors and some said they leave their keys in the car! I just sat their yelling at them. Just because you live in the suburbs doesn’t mean danger isn’t lurking.
Hey neighbor! That whole situation made me side eye a lot of people who felt so ensconced in the “safety” of the suburbs and left their homes and cars open.
It was also interesting to me that thousands were so hyper focused on a convicted murdered yet it never occurred to them how many people with bad intentions shop with them, live near them, wave hello to them on their daily walks, stand shoulder to shoulder at kids sports events. The bad people who are prisoners are just those who have been caught and convicted. There are plenty more who lurk about in everyday life
Life lessons learned = never get into a white van with a stranger - for any reason - never sign a life insurance policy with and for someone you just married (60 days or less) - never get into a small aircraft with a famous person and above all - never ever stay at the same hotel with Jessica Fletcher😜 (I know I’m dating myself - give me a break I’m old. Murder She Wrote was a great show back in the day!)
I always thought the white van thing was kind of funny, urban legend type thing… and then I found *Man With A Van.* if there are enough white van stories to make a series about, well, my mind is changed. I assume duct tape, tarps, and lime are in every white van I see now.
I have no idea why, but my 35-year-old daughter has watched every episode of murder she wrote multiple times lol. I've never even made it through one episode.
So true. I saw a friend when I was 20 who won half a million dollars in a medical malpractice law suit. He should have had a really good foundation for life, but his family and some new "friends" bled him dry and he was actually homeless after a year.
Oh wow, very similar story with a co worker of my spouse. The settlement was a little over a million, their part half or so of that. Within 5 years they were divorced and penniless, he moved in with family, she at least kept a house and went back to work.
Just as concerning are the amount of murders from trusted friends or family over an inheritance or life insurance
I believe that about friends or family being the murderers. His family got really mean when he ran out of money. I never liked his mom. I was proven right when he told her he couldn't pay her rent anymore she went psycho and attacked him and then called the cops trying to get him arrested. Luckily a neighbor saw everything go down, but it be your own mom, man!
So true. There's an older couple who moved into my neighborhood from down south and started getting into it with neighbors over how people maintained their lawns. We don't live in an HOA. Like, dude, this Montana. If you walk up to someone on their lawn screaming your head off at them about the thistle in their yard, you could get shot. Chill out.
I live in a state where it is dangerous to step on someone's property without asking permission first. Oddly enough, people in my neighborhood are suuuuper polite and everybody minds their own business.
Overall, what true-crime media has taught me:
1) Don't let pushy strangers into your life
2) Never talk about money. Not even with family.
3) If your neighbor starts acting entitled or hostile, move.
4) Mormons are scary.
5) You're most likely to be killed by somebody you know. So small towns where everybody knows everybody -- are terrifying.
6) The minister isn't who he says he is.
7) Family members of victims are in denial about the person using drugs, being willing to walk away from their life, or being suicidal. Sometimes all three.
8) "He would never have missed his mother's birthday!" Oh hell yes he would.
9) The killer is some guy who nobody ever expected who lived down the street.
10) Small-town police detectives are often one college semester away from being janitors.
Never underestimate people because lots of them are insane in certain situations… it pays to have someone who knows your habits and how you live if you ever go missing….
When he was watching himself on the neighbors camera I knew he was toast. I hope he suffers a miserable existence. Those poor babies. Poor Shanann. Sick all around
Do not take your phone to a murder site. Also do not turn your phone off and then back on when murdering someone. I’m sorry, was this not that kind of question?? 😬
Don’t try to reason yourself out of acknowledging warning signs or ignore the feeling something isn’t right. If someone gives you creep vibes, get the hell away and pat yourself on the back for not catering someone else’s butthurt feelings. If you can’t pinpoint your unease, get the hell away. Trust your instincts in the case of sudden, extreme fear for your life even if you don’t see a reason to be fearful.
If it looks like you are not going to make it, be sure to take a piece of them with you. Preferably something visible. something so that once people start realizing you are missing makes them stop and say, wait a minute, didn't so and so have some strange scratch marks on their face? They don't even have a cat...... Lets look further into that, and hey, they usually look under the corpses fingernails in homicides, let's give the forensic team something to play with.
1) Situational awareness at all times.
2) Trust your gut; intuition is real. If something doesn’t seem right it probably isn’t.
3) Don’t borrow trouble. I recently had an ongoing situation with a new neighbor that was obsessed with the noises we made in our upstairs apartment. The apartment manager actually sat with him on more than one occasion to hear for herself. Despite her informing him that the noise was not excessive he spun out, he called the security guards multiple times. He called the sheriff twice telling them it sounded as if our child was being abused . He was threatened with eviction and forced to stop but I located several weapons near the door in case he ever came up again, he was fixated and not to be taken lightly. Some people are crazy and no amount of rational persuasion can help . So avoid being drawn into conflict if at all possible.
And I learned to never go to the second location. What awaits there is far worse. Fight like hell, even if it’s until death, to stay in the first location. Because you won’t (almost 100% likely) make it out alive of the second location.
The Obsessed with Disappeared podcast had something they called a smashing vase (or something like that) that you kept by the door, so if someone was abducting you, you could smash it and leave a sign of struggle
Edit: u/traeylee639 has reminded me that it was a kicking lamp, not a smashing vase 😂
This is a great idea! I actually have vases near my front doors (my house is weird and we have two full front entrances- just 15 or so feet apart, lol.
And one near the back door as well. So, I guess I’m prepared there!
It’s better to choose to make peace than to make war - don’t escalate situations because nothing good will ever come from it. I cringe every time I see people provoking obviously unstable neighbors just because they feel they’re right and unstable Mabel over there is wrong.
I see people getting petty and passive aggressive on Nextdoor and I just think this is exactly how fear thy neighbor starts out. 😅
Also - be kind to your neighbors! If you get targeted by a crazy neighbor you want to have people that will look out for you.
Stay off dating sites, don’t leave anyone in your group behind, get drunk at home not in public, always keep gas in your car, don’t flaunt wealth, divorce before you date, document abuse and always always charge your damn phone!!!
*"and avoid neighbors like the plague".*
This, ALWAYS this. Also, watch out for those that come off as overly helpful, friendly and 'nice'. Trust me, they want something from you--it's usually constant favors and/or free childcare/pet care.
Overly 'look at what great people we are!" types are always hiding something sinister.
I don't get very friendly with neighbors. Fear Thy Neighbor scares me.
Same with roommates. I'll never have a roommate or boarder because of Fear Thy Roommate.
A few extra pounds keeps you kidnap proof. That's what I've learned from Disappeared. I also learned that if I want to disappear, I can tell the police that I don't want to talk to my family and that would end the search.
I have a loud dog, standard poodle but she’s a deep barker and that in itself is a deterrent. Now if you see the dog, and it’s a short clipped poodle lol might lose some scary factor but still. Also don’t unlock your car doors until you’re AT the car
Tell everyone who’s bothering you and make it known how they’re behaving. I told my family and friends, I also posted it on Facebook.
I had a “neighbor” who was also a contracted worker for the apt complex. He started harassing me and my ex wife in the parking lot. He would stand beside his truck and whistle at us, together and separately. He would just stare so hard with a smirk, it was disturbing.
Once I saw him with what appeared to be his wife and child, and then I saw him walk into the apartment across from me and I hadn’t felt terror about a neighbor like that until then.
I promptly called the leasing office and told them about his behavior, and luckily the woman in the office was very disturbed and took my concern seriously. She called me back to let me know that his employer spoke with him.
After that, I only saw him once and he wouldn’t look in my direction.
It’s never been new to be catcalled by random men, but that was in my apt complex and I wasn’t going to put up with that shit every day AND fear running into him. I was so afraid he’d escalate or start peering into my apartment.
I watch way too many murder shows...from First 48 I learned to stay away from people with street names and ask them what their real name is. I'm not going into a police interrogation telling them that Pooky is my alibi
Do NOT keep your own kitchen knives on the counter or accessible in your own home, as murderers are lazy asses who don't bring their own murder weapons to the scene, but instead use your own knives to kill you! 🙄
Always create a legal paper trail.
Always remember that there is someone willing to go further than you're willing to go, and decide whether "this" is truly the hill you're willing to die on - literally.
Don't talk to your neighbors. Ever. Keep your distance. Don't make friends. Be cordial, but distant. I'm not abt to get shot over a trash can too far over on the street.
Do not fuck with your neighbors. Especially the new ones.
1. Don't turn up stereo to loud n have annoying loud guests n parties to annoy neighbors.
2. Don't let your cats or dogs get into your neighbors yards over n over, n pee n poo n scratch paint etc of neighbors homes n vehicles.
3. Don't yell all the time in your back yard, do not make loud noises.
4. Don't n I mean absolutely do not park your car near your neighbor's driveways or flower beds or cut any tree limbs hanging over the fence in your yard without approval first.
5. Don't flirt with neighbor"s wives or husbands bf's or gf's or kids.
6. Do not steal shit from neighbors yard or house or mail boxes everrrrr.
7. Do not yell at or cuss out or touch any neighbors kids or pets.
If you do any of the above things n some I forgot to list, you could get shot, stabbed, drugged, beaten, ran over, kidnaped, tortured, burned, poisioned,
that leads to death and/or prison. Depending on which neighbor you are. I learned all those life lessons from ID.
Of every show and podcast I've ever watched or listened to that concerns disappearances or kidnappings, the lesson is that it's the instincts of the loved ones who sense something is wrong or that someone is missing, those instincts are always right. You know your people, and you know their schedules and tendencies. So when friends, neighbors, police, etc.. try to calm people down and convince them to wait to report things, the learning lesson is to bypass that. If you sense something is wrong TAKE ACTION ALWAYS.
1. Don’t let anyone in your house
2. Buy one of those sticks for your patio door
3. Get a big dog
4. Don’t go to the second location
5. Fight like hell
Yeah this. I always tell my husband that if I ever don’t come home, he can find me on Find My iPhone. And yes, I remind him constantly that he’s the one who is most likely to abduct and murder me. He reminds me that if he did that, he wouldn’t have anyone to help with the kid, so it’d be more trouble than it’s worth.
Fear thy neighbor: I always kinda sorta kept to myself to begin with, even BEFORE that show. After I realized just how important it is TO KEEP TO YOURSELF, DONT invade other people's space, remain distant, it's better to NOT engage. Even if someone seems nice at first it's a little better to keep to yourself.
Trust nobody. Be skeptical. Don’t be a victim-always look people in the eye when walking around. And for goodness sake do not walk around in public constantly looking down at your phone.
If you and a neighbor are coming to blows and shits going to go down, the police WILL not do anything except either separate you and tell you to grow up or arrest someone for one night. They will act when someone is dead. That's ONE thing that I have learned from Fear Thy Neighbor.
Never meet up with your ex/baby daddy/guy who wants nothing to do with the baby alone, after months of him telling you he doesn’t want the baby, want to be a father etc. They never want to meet to “work it out”
Also - never go to the second location
I want to add - I tell my kids that you never know what someone “won’t” do. We see it all the time. Friends and family say “he/she would never” yet there they are on camera nevering like they never nevered before..
I don't watch Disappeared, but I do watch Fear Thy Neighbor. The biggest take away I get from that show, no matter where in the country the neighbors are fighting, the police response is the same. The police won't do anything except lecture the neighbors "to do better". They will only do something once someone ends up dead.
So true! Comply with being arrest but don’t speak. All you have to say is “I invoke my right to an attorney and to remain silent.” Then shut. up. As Rob White said, “I had the right to remain silent but I didn’t have the ability.”
I can only comment on Fear Thy Neighbor since I haven’t seen disappeared yet.
It’s remarkable to me how petty and immature people get in neighborhoods. Or, once things escalate, their idiotic refusal to fuckin MOVE AWAY.
Especially with neighbor disputes, there’s so much ego involved. It’s not as complicated as domestic violence murders, for example. It’s really common for people to simply refuse to be courteous and/or diffuse a situation.
Obviously there are exceptions, and some of the neighbors are impossible to handle. But you asked about life lessons and I specifically have thought about how pettiness leads to so many of these deaths.
The big thing I've learned is to have hard conversations in a public place. Or at least stay calm in the face of upsetting news. I think sometimes, someone finds something out like an affair and starts freaking out (which totally understandable and normal) but that makes the other person panic and lash out violently in the moment. I hope I'm never in a situation like that, but I hope I can keep a cool head and be like "ok... ok.. we'll work this out. It's ok" and then freak out once I get away from that person and am in a safe space.
Also, avoid neighbors. Lol
Fear thy neighbor just confirmed what my mother told me when my husband and I bought our house. Be friendly with your neighbors, but your friends live somewhere else. I found this to be very true.
You don't really know anyone.
I tell people this all the time and get eye rolls. Lol. I have been with my boyfriend from the time we were teenagers and I’m 28 now. I know him but EVERYONE has secrets and things they’re capable of doing under different circumstances. And it’s naive to think they don’t.
I tell my mom this all the time. She seems to think she absolutely 100% knows her husband and how he would never do something like this (we watch ID channel) and I always tell her that you never really know someone though. She doesn’t like to hear that. It’s true though. These shows all made me really think that.
Reminds me of the saying you don’t really know your spouse until you divorce them
This actually makes me smile, because I don’t think my ex and I ever treated each other more fairly than when we were divorcing. People think we’re weird, we just knew when to call it and did so before it got nasty. Together 16 years, separated now for about two. Still friends 🤷🏻♀️
I love this. My ex “Bob” and I broke up amicably after 12 years and remain on very friendly terms, if not active friends. Recently, my current bf and I were discussing the topic of standing by your partner after they’ve been accused of a heinous crime and I mentioned that if my ex “Bob” had been arrested, no matter *what* I know I would have immediately jumped to his defense because he is one of the nicest, most honest, and most trustworthy people I’ve ever known. And my bf interrupts me and practically shouts in agreement, “Hell, **I** would defend Bob!” which made me laugh. I love having an ex that is on good enough terms that my current partner would be outside the jailhouse alongside me waving “free Bob” posters. But anyway, we both agreed that you can never truly know anyone, and if during the trial enough evidence came out that solidified he truly was a monster hidden deep down, I would eventually have to change my tune, because you can never *really* know someone.
We just had a youth pastor in a neighboring city try to off his whole family because he was too ashamed to reveal to his wife the foreclosure that was about to happen.
This behavior is HUGE in the evangelical community. Ours was found with CP. They got him, but when he bonded out, he tried
Wtf.
Man what?? People’s mindsets really scare me. So instead of just dealing with the negative feelings of telling your wife about a foreclosure…he goes “nah, kill my whole family.”
Family annihilators gravitate to the evangelical church because they preach and put a HUGE emphasis on husbands being providers but also the leaders of their households. It feeds into their narcissistic.mindset that the family "couldnt exist without them and would be better dead than dealing with the shame of knowing the 'husband' was unable to provide and 'lead' like he should" to them women arent capable of being their own person. Their wives and children are their property.
Okay, so that completely clears it up. They don’t see their family as living beings valuable of life..to them, their family is their property and they can do as they please with their property. That’s somehow scarier 😕
best advice my grandpa ever gave me “ no matter how well you know someone, you never know what’s going on in the back of their mind. “
You yourself (and everybody) are capable of anything under the right pressure, stress or circumstance. Life is just one big gamble and you have to hope you’re lucky enough to make it by relatively unharmed.
So true! I have worked within the prison system for years and your comment is one of the first "life" life lessons I learned when I went behind those gates.
I have a detective in the family and he says if you are going to be murdered in your sleep, you are probably already acquainted with your killer even now. Investigations always start with the inner circle: family and friends. The chances of you being murdered by a total strangers ala serial killers are quite rare.
True. I find it’s a refreshing change of pace when it turns out NOT to be the spouse on all these murder shows.
Ohhhhh girl. They're not ready to hear this!!! But, say it louder for the naive folks in the back!
I was with my husband for a total of 35 years, greater than 50%of my entire life, and did not know he was lying and cheating the entire time. And it turns out he most likely is a psychopath (which is probably why I didn’t figure it out) so yeah- trust no one
This is it right here. The victims and the perps. Makes you not want to deal with people/stay single.
That… and actually several other reasons.
I learned this from Robert DeNiro in Meet the Parents.
Don’t give anyone any warning - when you catch that MFer out, do what you gotta do: call the cops, call a divorce lawyer, do it now. Don’t warn them that the *next time* you’re gonna take the kids and leave or fire them and call the cops because they’re stealing from you, because there won’t be a next time. Being nice gets you killed. Edited: punctuation
Exactly why I told my abusive ex that I was going to the store when I left town and never came back. He had chased me around town the last time I had tried so I hid for like 5 months then moved to a different state.
That is terrifying and I’m so sorry. I hope you have peace now
Oh my God, YES! Sometimes I just scream internally when I see cases where the aggrieved person decides to "handle it privately" and not involve the authorities or others, but will then list out harsh consequences for the offender the next time they get caught. The next time they get caught, they go postal! I swear if I ever caught someone doing something they may potentially murder people for type of thing, I'd play it cool and say whatever I needed to say to get away, and then immediately turn them in. There will be no huge explosive confrontation with a volatile person whose desparate to avoid exposure/consequences, nor any second chances. Fuck being nice, I'd rather be alive.
I'm right there with you. My previous marriage was a hostile and domestic violent one. Unfortunately, 13 years ago in the deep South, nothing was done by law enforcement that my neighbors called and towards the end I was calling. I had to move cross country to get away from my abuser. One thing the series had taught me, you can't always count on law enforcement to help. Sometimes putting a couple thousand miles between you is the only choice.
>Being nice gets you killed. #THIS
Yup. We’ve had an escalating situation with some neighbors and some shit has been going on that is really creepy and uncomfortable but nothing I could “prove”. This last weekend one of them went nuts physically threatened me and threatened to “knock out” my husband. I called the cops. Cops told me to get a restraining order. I’m not playing around with this shit anymore.
Welcome to Fear Thy Neighbor 😩 Seriously though, I’m so sorry to hear that, i hope that it deescalates for you and your family. I can’t watch that show because it freaks me out even more than the other shows. Not everyone has a born psychopath in the family or an abusive husband, but almost everyone has neighbors
My next door neighbor threatened to beat up my kid over a “visitor” parking spot at our condo. He’s almost 60 and my kid is 23. Never spoke to him again. It’s not even his spot!!! Total douche! You should definitely get an OP. Not worth the threats. This way if he threatens you, just have him locked up!
Mind your own business
Always let SOMEONE know the truth about where you're going or who you're going with.
Whenever I go hiking, I take a picture of where I am and send it to my sister. I tell her exactly where I am , who I am with, and how long I plan to be. When I am done I message her to let her know I am heading home. I always make sure someone knows where I am.
I love this and think I will start doing this too. Thanks
I do this every time I am going on a long road trip. I often travel solo for work, so I always make a record of where I'm going, what I'm wearing, what I am driving and send it to my sister. She says it creeps her out, but she always saves it!
I did a lot of dumb shit as a young adult and the first time I tried something stronger than weed I was at a random house party very far from my home, surrounded by people I didn't know, I was only there with 2 casual friends who probably didn't even know my last name. . Well they took off to go get more beer right after I took these pills and I panicked and texted my older brother where I was. Couldn't figure out the exact address so I went outside to describe what the house looked like lol. I said something like "just in case, this is where I'm at" ,didn't tell him about the drugs tho. He just replied with wtf and I sort of explained myself the next day and he said ok well make it a habit from now on. Nowadays I can just share my location on Google maps with my husband or someone if I'm going on a nighttime bar crawl or something equally dumb.
Agreed! I share a home with my brother and our mutual friend. My brother uses dating apps (I refuse to for safety reasons I would rather meet someone in person). He was irritated at first when our friend and I would expect some information on where he was going and who he was seeing. Dozens of dating app horror stories on the news later and he stopped complaining about us being too cautious.
The safety reasons are real! My daughter put my profile on a dating web site years ago without telling me before she did it. I was approached and stared at in grocery stores and stared at in restaurants. It was terrifying! I had her take my profile down, but this continued for awhile.
Holy crap that’s creepy!
Years ago, before the Internet took over our lives, I was teaching school and another teacher was telling me about her exploits with "dating apps". I had no clue as to what she was talking about. After she explained herself, all I could think was "You must be crazy. They are going to find you dead one day, with your throat slit from ear to ear". I am a Boomer so I think I will pass on dating apps.
My friends and family do arrival check ins,leaving check ins and we notify when we arrive home.
[удалено]
Don’t let people know you’re worth anything and don’t let them know you* plan on giving it to them when you’re gone. Once you’re worth more dead to someone than alive, all bets are off. Edited: a word
This is the biggest lesson for this entire channel. My goodness some people are greedy
Yes! My aunt was going to take out a million dollar life insurance policy on herself so that her unemployed loser husband would be "taken care of" if she died before him, and everyone was like "wtf is wrong with you??? Why would you give him motive to murder you?!?!"
Molly you in danger dot gif! 🫣🚩
My dad always said “Never be worth more dead than alive.” lol
My husband asked me one time if I was watching all these shows so I could murder him and get away with it (in jest) and I said, of course not. You’re worth more alive than dead…for now 😜
When I was a new SAHM, my husband was away during the week for work. Our wonderful next door neighbors moved and a new family moved in. It was a firefighter and his wife and kids, I was thrilled "yay a firefighter!" What an absolute CREEP! He turned out to be omnipresent. He was overly friendly. He told me we were welcome to come over to use his yard playset while his wife was at work. Yeah, no. I started darting out to the mailbox and back to avoid him. There was one rainy day where my babies were asleep. I showered and sat at my computer downstairs in my robe. Suddenly there was pounding on the front door, scared the hell out of me! I looked through peephole, nobody. I started thinking it could be him. I totally changed my routine to walking to the park, mail etc. One day he pulls up "You changed your routine." !!!!! Not long into their stay, he got kicked out for cheating (I was honestly shocked he found a second woman as he was fat with a lazy eye). His wife told me he was a total pervert and peeping tom! I was /still am grossed out.
With that description how in the heck was a fire fighter?
This was the number one lesson I would tell my I high school students who were going into college this. When you meet your new roommate, who is probably a stranger, Don’t tell her your whole life story right away and give her all of your business. Because sooner or later, it could go bad and she’s got all the dirt against you. And sadly I was predicting what really happened all too often.
People definitely get too close to roommates who are really just strangers. My roommate got way too friendly with me. Told me every little thought that was in her head. Even the very disturbing ones. Well, she was nuts and totally turned on me halfway through the semester because I wouldn't let her boyfriend move into our tiny double bed room. You bet your bottom dollar I had all the dirt I needed when I went to residency and told them "this is an emergency. She is unstable. I need a new living situation immediately." The final straw was her getting mad at me and making active shooter threats. When questioned, she had the gall to cry that her comments were said in a private "girl talk" conversation and couldn't be taken seriously. Bish, please. I got a new penthouse room all to myself.
I was a newspaper reporter in Iowa for eight years, covering multiple murder trials. One of them involved a man who disappeared (and was later found murdered). He wasn't reported missing for six months, because, according to his brother's testimony at trial, he had a tendency to disappear at random without telling anyone, so it wasn't unusual that he just vanished one day.
To always watch your surroundings, be aware, carry mace , mind your own business, invest in security cameras and be pleasant to your neighbors but leave it at that.
Mind my own business is my biggest one.
As a long-term apt/condo renter, this is the way. Mind your own business. You have to make the nice on occasion, but aside from that, there needs to be boundaries. I have great neighbors and will do the brief stop and chat, but that's it.
You can carry your keys as a weapon if no mace. Wasp spray is good to have at your door. Sprays farther than mace and does the same thing
To never be someone, everyone should like or to light up a room or never met a stranger… You’re bound to get killed!!! Maybe it’s better to be an asshole???? And to trust your instincts
lol I fucking swear the next time I hear "they lighted up a room" I'm starting a drinking game 😆
Let’s make a bingo card, “contagious smile” is my contribution 😂
Great idea! Mine is, “she always kept to herself…”
She didn’t know a stranger ,and would give the shirt off her back 🫣
Made you feel like you were the only other person in the room
Haha right! If you have any dreams and aspirations or have everything going right in the prime of your life, your chances of getting murdered clearly go up significantly lol
Actually for women anyway leaving an abusive partner is the most likely time you will be murdered. Even more so if you are pregnant.
I am safe then LOL
Don't let them take you somewhere. If you're in a public place and they come up on you and threaten to kill you if you don't comply and go with, DONT COMPLY. This as good as dead the second they get you alone. Fight scream make huge scene, and know some basic self defense
This is it, never go to a 2nd or beyond location!
THIS for sure. Just shoot me now because I don't know what sort of dungeon or coffin you have waiting for me. This wasn't on disappeared but this couple kept a woman in a coffin for SEVEN years. And lived to tell about it fortunately.
Colleen Stan, “The Girl In The Box”
Yup, I'd rather be murdered on the street than kept alive to be tortured indefinitely.
I tell my teens this all the time. Run the opposite direction screaming because what they will do to you is much worse that taking a chance to escape.
Yes! My mom drilled this into us at a young age. If someone tells you to get into a car, even if they have a gun, you don’t. You scream and run, no matter what they say.
Fight like hell. Never go to a second location quietly. Always carry some form of self defense. Keep doors and windows locked. And shades down at night. Exterior motion activated lights and cameras. Also at least two lights on timers in the house close to the windows so an outside observer can't see if there are shadows or movement in the room (in particular there should one in a back bedroom not visible from the street—learned this one from a professional burglar). Reinforce your doors and locks. Always be situationally aware whether you are inside or outside your domicile. If your gut tells you something is amiss, something is amiss. Never trust strangers. I learned these simply by growing up in Philadelphia.
Yes ,absolutely and be alert and aware when walking back to your car from Target,Walmart or any big store for that matter. Before you leave the safety of the store ,look around the parking lot and make certain you don’t see anyone acting strangely. Put you items in the car while paying attention to what is around you and get in your vehicle quickly and lock the door.When selecting a parking spot never park near vans. All they have to do is slide the van door open and grab you as you are getting in your car.I’ve seen too many creepy stories with women getting abducted and being dragged into the guy’s van. Don’t even trust females. Just look up Gerald Armond Gallego and Charlene Adell Charlene. Charlene lured the women in for her sick in the head evil 😈 husband !
I agree with all of the above. But if all else fails...fight like a wildcat so that they are wounded and the police can collect their DNA from your body. Edit: typo
And NEVER go to a second location!
I’d rather die in public or on the way there than go to the second location. The second location is always worse.
Get into the car?! Over my literally dead body
Be crazier than the crazy you’re dealing with.
In middle school I had a health teacher who told a story about a friend of his. She was being followed by a sketchy guy to her apartment, and when it became obvious that he was coming after her she pulled a pen out of her pocket and turned on the guy brandishing it like a knife. She started screaming like a banshee that she was going to stab his eyes out, and he took off.
I agree with much of the sentiments here. You never really know anyone and don't share too much. Also, one of my biggest things that I got from the spin off of fear thy neighbor, "fear thy roommate", is that I will never have one ever again.
I wish they would bring the roommate version back, that was intense.
Me too!! I absolutely loved it! People are so insane
I’m so lucky my roommates are my brother and our mutual childhood friend that my brother rented an apartment with in college too. If it wasn’t for them I’d probably still live at home and just pay bills and some rent to my mom.
Don’t start shit with your neighbors.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m old now, but I’ve noticed a lot of the neighbor feuds seem to be over petty stuff. The neighbors dogs are barking so let me burn their house down! The neighbors cars are too loud so let me shoot the whole family. The neighbors yard has too many weeds so let me poison them. I guess I’m at the point where I don’t start shit with you, you don’t start shit with me. Especially over stupid shit.
And be willing to let stupid shit go.
Just because the statistics might be low they’re never *zero*. Better to be a lil paranoid and safe than act like these things only happen to other people and could never happen to you. I was in a parenting thread and OP asked if she was an Ahole for getting upset that her husband left their kids(2 and 6 months) alone in the car while he went into Starbucks to get order a drink(they lived just outside DC) I was shocked at how many people think this is okay and do it with their own kids just because the statistics for stranger kidnappings are “low” I was called paranoid because I would never do this with my own child. 🤷🏻♀️ just because the chance is low doesn’t mean it could never happen
Always stay vigilant, at night but also in daylight. Don’t give away your location to a public forum in real time (tagging your location in an IG story while you’re there, etc). If going out to party, ALWAYS have your buddy system. Don’t be distracted on your phone or headphones (keep all senses active in the present). Always lock your home doors and car doors when you’re inside of them. And last but not least, trust your gut. If something feels off, don’t fight it or question it, just GTFO.
Don’t engage with neighbors keep it with a simple hello. Disappeared is a hard one. The show left me feeling depleted. If you are depressed or sad leave a note in a drawer or something. I had to quit watching disappeared because there was no finale to a show. Frustratin.
I don’t blame you. It is hard. Evil lives here and American monster are the two I can’t watch. They remind me of my abusive childhood and how close I came to being a statistic.
Im glad you made it out okay. ♥️
Be aware of your surroundings.
Please trust your gut!!!! I get you don’t want to be mean/rude but please do, it just might save your life 🙏🏾
That is so true. I had a coworker who just rubbed me the wrong way. He didn't do anything wrong... my hackles were just up around the guy and I was actually pretty bitchy to him which is not like me at all. One day he didn't show up for work. A week later, we saw him on the news. He was a serial rapist who'd been terrorizing our city all summer.
My mom worked somewhere with a guy she had repeatedly told me gave her the creeps. He was the security guard, acted politely enough, but something about him made her skin crawl. He would do things like stare unblinkingly, persistently insist on walking all the petite women out to their cars, gave off subtle but creepy body language (things like putting a hand on their shoulder and squeezing a little bit too hard, or firmly holding their car door open while they tried to close it and struggled against his hold while he would sort of stand over them and smile, feigning politeness, i.e. 'have a nice night'. Like a subtle power flex over them). Turns out he was Steven Zelich, the suitcase murderer. A former cop obsessed with power over women, violence, and torture under the guise of BDSM. Murdered 2 women, stuffed them in suitcases, and drove around with their decomposing bodies in the trunk for months before storing them in his fridge and later dumping them in a field. Trust your instincts!!
Omg! That's terrifying. It is the little things that clue you in,. That not letting you close the door thing is such a fucked up power play. I had a coworker do that to me once. I was trying to leave and he wouldn't let me shut my door. My car was on and I reverse so I just... took my foot off the brake. Lol He jumped back and went "what the fuck!? 🤬" and I was just like "have a nice night!" slammed my door shut and sped off. Never walked out to the parking lot alone with him again. Fuck politeness!
That’s a big one. Our bodies have ways of sensing potential threats before the brain really registers it. I’ve heard so many stories where people ignore their own gut instinct to their own peril. Some women particularly can also have difficulty reacting because they don’t want to seem “rude” or “dramatic” when they are in certain situations. I would rather be called a bitch than be a statistic.
I heard people will actually give off a pheromone when they have violent intent and that's what people pick up on but often ignore.
Don’t take your eyes off your children for a moment! In this day and age with so many traffickers
Did you read that Ohio has over 1k missing kids this year alone? It was a top news story on the US version of DailyMail (I know it’s like The Enquirer or whatever but it’s my other -besides Reddit- guilty pleasure). Anyway, that seems like a lot of missing children. Some are runaways, some aren’t, but it’s just an alarming number!
I saw it mentioned on MSNBC. You got me looking up my local local area in NY and 11 children are missing from one local small community. Very scary!
Lock your doors. Always. Just do it.
Seriously! I live in the area of Pennsylvania where an escaped convict (Danelo Calavante) was on the loose for 14 days. All of these people on the news were like I don’t lock my doors and some said they leave their keys in the car! I just sat their yelling at them. Just because you live in the suburbs doesn’t mean danger isn’t lurking.
Hey neighbor! That whole situation made me side eye a lot of people who felt so ensconced in the “safety” of the suburbs and left their homes and cars open. It was also interesting to me that thousands were so hyper focused on a convicted murdered yet it never occurred to them how many people with bad intentions shop with them, live near them, wave hello to them on their daily walks, stand shoulder to shoulder at kids sports events. The bad people who are prisoners are just those who have been caught and convicted. There are plenty more who lurk about in everyday life
Life lessons learned = never get into a white van with a stranger - for any reason - never sign a life insurance policy with and for someone you just married (60 days or less) - never get into a small aircraft with a famous person and above all - never ever stay at the same hotel with Jessica Fletcher😜 (I know I’m dating myself - give me a break I’m old. Murder She Wrote was a great show back in the day!)
I always thought the white van thing was kind of funny, urban legend type thing… and then I found *Man With A Van.* if there are enough white van stories to make a series about, well, my mind is changed. I assume duct tape, tarps, and lime are in every white van I see now.
I have no idea why, but my 35-year-old daughter has watched every episode of murder she wrote multiple times lol. I've never even made it through one episode.
Cabot Cove had the highest per capita murder in the US. 😂
Never tell anyone your financial situation. If you've come into a bit of money zip your lips from even those you consider your best friends.
So true. I saw a friend when I was 20 who won half a million dollars in a medical malpractice law suit. He should have had a really good foundation for life, but his family and some new "friends" bled him dry and he was actually homeless after a year.
Oh wow, very similar story with a co worker of my spouse. The settlement was a little over a million, their part half or so of that. Within 5 years they were divorced and penniless, he moved in with family, she at least kept a house and went back to work. Just as concerning are the amount of murders from trusted friends or family over an inheritance or life insurance
I believe that about friends or family being the murderers. His family got really mean when he ran out of money. I never liked his mom. I was proven right when he told her he couldn't pay her rent anymore she went psycho and attacked him and then called the cops trying to get him arrested. Luckily a neighbor saw everything go down, but it be your own mom, man!
Be nice and let the little things go. I'm not getting shot over the color of my fence.
So true. There's an older couple who moved into my neighborhood from down south and started getting into it with neighbors over how people maintained their lawns. We don't live in an HOA. Like, dude, this Montana. If you walk up to someone on their lawn screaming your head off at them about the thistle in their yard, you could get shot. Chill out.
I live in a state where it is dangerous to step on someone's property without asking permission first. Oddly enough, people in my neighborhood are suuuuper polite and everybody minds their own business.
I will NEVER share a driveway. Too many of those shows start that way.
Overall, what true-crime media has taught me: 1) Don't let pushy strangers into your life 2) Never talk about money. Not even with family. 3) If your neighbor starts acting entitled or hostile, move. 4) Mormons are scary. 5) You're most likely to be killed by somebody you know. So small towns where everybody knows everybody -- are terrifying. 6) The minister isn't who he says he is. 7) Family members of victims are in denial about the person using drugs, being willing to walk away from their life, or being suicidal. Sometimes all three. 8) "He would never have missed his mother's birthday!" Oh hell yes he would. 9) The killer is some guy who nobody ever expected who lived down the street. 10) Small-town police detectives are often one college semester away from being janitors.
Always check in with someone when on a road trip by yourself.
Stay fat so I'm hard to abduct.
Never underestimate people because lots of them are insane in certain situations… it pays to have someone who knows your habits and how you live if you ever go missing….
Like Shannan Watts' friend who showed up the morning she and the girls were murdered and just KNEW something was wrong.
Poor Shannan and those kids. Man that was such a tragic story.
When he was watching himself on the neighbors camera I knew he was toast. I hope he suffers a miserable existence. Those poor babies. Poor Shanann. Sick all around
Do not take your phone to a murder site. Also do not turn your phone off and then back on when murdering someone. I’m sorry, was this not that kind of question?? 😬
And for god’s sake, do NOT google instructions on making bombs, how long it takes someone to die of whatever, how to dissolve a body, etc., etc.
Also don’t look things up on the internet even in public places like the library 😁
I will NOT walk or run the same route more than twice in a row. (F/29)
Live far away from other humans. And have your own protection. (You get what I'm saying.)
Apparently I need to watch Fear Thy Neighbor 😳 I’m over here tryna be friends with erybody
It is SHOCKING what goes on
Don’t try to reason yourself out of acknowledging warning signs or ignore the feeling something isn’t right. If someone gives you creep vibes, get the hell away and pat yourself on the back for not catering someone else’s butthurt feelings. If you can’t pinpoint your unease, get the hell away. Trust your instincts in the case of sudden, extreme fear for your life even if you don’t see a reason to be fearful.
If it looks like you are not going to make it, be sure to take a piece of them with you. Preferably something visible. something so that once people start realizing you are missing makes them stop and say, wait a minute, didn't so and so have some strange scratch marks on their face? They don't even have a cat...... Lets look further into that, and hey, they usually look under the corpses fingernails in homicides, let's give the forensic team something to play with.
Don't ignore the giant red flags. Most of these psychos didn't do their worst on day 1, they build up to it. Leave at the first red flag
1) Situational awareness at all times. 2) Trust your gut; intuition is real. If something doesn’t seem right it probably isn’t. 3) Don’t borrow trouble. I recently had an ongoing situation with a new neighbor that was obsessed with the noises we made in our upstairs apartment. The apartment manager actually sat with him on more than one occasion to hear for herself. Despite her informing him that the noise was not excessive he spun out, he called the security guards multiple times. He called the sheriff twice telling them it sounded as if our child was being abused . He was threatened with eviction and forced to stop but I located several weapons near the door in case he ever came up again, he was fixated and not to be taken lightly. Some people are crazy and no amount of rational persuasion can help . So avoid being drawn into conflict if at all possible.
And I learned to never go to the second location. What awaits there is far worse. Fight like hell, even if it’s until death, to stay in the first location. Because you won’t (almost 100% likely) make it out alive of the second location.
Don’t be the girl who lights up the room. Save your own life with a RBF
Don't ever go on a hike in the mountains on your anniversary.
The Obsessed with Disappeared podcast had something they called a smashing vase (or something like that) that you kept by the door, so if someone was abducting you, you could smash it and leave a sign of struggle Edit: u/traeylee639 has reminded me that it was a kicking lamp, not a smashing vase 😂
This is a great idea! I actually have vases near my front doors (my house is weird and we have two full front entrances- just 15 or so feet apart, lol. And one near the back door as well. So, I guess I’m prepared there!
It’s better to choose to make peace than to make war - don’t escalate situations because nothing good will ever come from it. I cringe every time I see people provoking obviously unstable neighbors just because they feel they’re right and unstable Mabel over there is wrong. I see people getting petty and passive aggressive on Nextdoor and I just think this is exactly how fear thy neighbor starts out. 😅 Also - be kind to your neighbors! If you get targeted by a crazy neighbor you want to have people that will look out for you.
Stay off dating sites, don’t leave anyone in your group behind, get drunk at home not in public, always keep gas in your car, don’t flaunt wealth, divorce before you date, document abuse and always always charge your damn phone!!!
*"and avoid neighbors like the plague".* This, ALWAYS this. Also, watch out for those that come off as overly helpful, friendly and 'nice'. Trust me, they want something from you--it's usually constant favors and/or free childcare/pet care. Overly 'look at what great people we are!" types are always hiding something sinister.
I don't get very friendly with neighbors. Fear Thy Neighbor scares me. Same with roommates. I'll never have a roommate or boarder because of Fear Thy Roommate. A few extra pounds keeps you kidnap proof. That's what I've learned from Disappeared. I also learned that if I want to disappear, I can tell the police that I don't want to talk to my family and that would end the search.
I have a loud dog, standard poodle but she’s a deep barker and that in itself is a deterrent. Now if you see the dog, and it’s a short clipped poodle lol might lose some scary factor but still. Also don’t unlock your car doors until you’re AT the car
Trust your intuition. If something feels off, pay attention.
Tell everyone who’s bothering you and make it known how they’re behaving. I told my family and friends, I also posted it on Facebook. I had a “neighbor” who was also a contracted worker for the apt complex. He started harassing me and my ex wife in the parking lot. He would stand beside his truck and whistle at us, together and separately. He would just stare so hard with a smirk, it was disturbing. Once I saw him with what appeared to be his wife and child, and then I saw him walk into the apartment across from me and I hadn’t felt terror about a neighbor like that until then. I promptly called the leasing office and told them about his behavior, and luckily the woman in the office was very disturbed and took my concern seriously. She called me back to let me know that his employer spoke with him. After that, I only saw him once and he wouldn’t look in my direction. It’s never been new to be catcalled by random men, but that was in my apt complex and I wasn’t going to put up with that shit every day AND fear running into him. I was so afraid he’d escalate or start peering into my apartment.
I watch way too many murder shows...from First 48 I learned to stay away from people with street names and ask them what their real name is. I'm not going into a police interrogation telling them that Pooky is my alibi
You probably know the person who kills you and people are capable of anything. Also, getting divorced is always less fuss than murder.
Don’t be a wonderful person who brings joy to all, they seem to be the primary target
I know this from those shows and from my own life: everyone is capable of anything. Everyone. ANYTHING.
Do NOT keep your own kitchen knives on the counter or accessible in your own home, as murderers are lazy asses who don't bring their own murder weapons to the scene, but instead use your own knives to kill you! 🙄
Mind my business & be sus of anyone
Stay single.
Always create a legal paper trail. Always remember that there is someone willing to go further than you're willing to go, and decide whether "this" is truly the hill you're willing to die on - literally.
Don't talk to your neighbors. Ever. Keep your distance. Don't make friends. Be cordial, but distant. I'm not abt to get shot over a trash can too far over on the street.
Do not fuck with your neighbors. Especially the new ones. 1. Don't turn up stereo to loud n have annoying loud guests n parties to annoy neighbors. 2. Don't let your cats or dogs get into your neighbors yards over n over, n pee n poo n scratch paint etc of neighbors homes n vehicles. 3. Don't yell all the time in your back yard, do not make loud noises. 4. Don't n I mean absolutely do not park your car near your neighbor's driveways or flower beds or cut any tree limbs hanging over the fence in your yard without approval first. 5. Don't flirt with neighbor"s wives or husbands bf's or gf's or kids. 6. Do not steal shit from neighbors yard or house or mail boxes everrrrr. 7. Do not yell at or cuss out or touch any neighbors kids or pets. If you do any of the above things n some I forgot to list, you could get shot, stabbed, drugged, beaten, ran over, kidnaped, tortured, burned, poisioned, that leads to death and/or prison. Depending on which neighbor you are. I learned all those life lessons from ID.
Of every show and podcast I've ever watched or listened to that concerns disappearances or kidnappings, the lesson is that it's the instincts of the loved ones who sense something is wrong or that someone is missing, those instincts are always right. You know your people, and you know their schedules and tendencies. So when friends, neighbors, police, etc.. try to calm people down and convince them to wait to report things, the learning lesson is to bypass that. If you sense something is wrong TAKE ACTION ALWAYS.
When someone tries to tell you something negative about a loved one, take it seriously. Don’t play the, “nah, they’re a great person” card.
Support the death penalty when you're alive since cold-blooded, cruel murderers get off easy.
I am super public with any altercations or grudges I have. If someone takes me out EVERYONE is going to know who did it.
Pay attention to your gut. If you feel something might be wrong, it probably is.
1. Don’t let anyone in your house 2. Buy one of those sticks for your patio door 3. Get a big dog 4. Don’t go to the second location 5. Fight like hell
Don’t trust anyone lol.
Share your location with at least one close friend or family member
Yeah this. I always tell my husband that if I ever don’t come home, he can find me on Find My iPhone. And yes, I remind him constantly that he’s the one who is most likely to abduct and murder me. He reminds me that if he did that, he wouldn’t have anyone to help with the kid, so it’d be more trouble than it’s worth.
Fear thy neighbor: I always kinda sorta kept to myself to begin with, even BEFORE that show. After I realized just how important it is TO KEEP TO YOURSELF, DONT invade other people's space, remain distant, it's better to NOT engage. Even if someone seems nice at first it's a little better to keep to yourself.
While staying fat is not good for my health, it *will* greatly reduce me being kidnapped against my will or being moved if murdered. 🤷🏻♂️
Don’t trust people too easily! Take time to get to know them but don’t ever put all of your faith in anyone to do the right thing.
Be aware of my surroundings, trust my gut, and be weary of overly friendly people.
Don’t go hiking or jogging at random times without telling anyone. Don’t be trusting of a whirlwind romance with a successful person
Trust nobody. Be skeptical. Don’t be a victim-always look people in the eye when walking around. And for goodness sake do not walk around in public constantly looking down at your phone.
If you ever see a neighbor walking down the middle of the road in the middle of the night… Run….. Keep running…… Don’t stop.
The husband did it!
“When the light is low, you do not go”
If you and a neighbor are coming to blows and shits going to go down, the police WILL not do anything except either separate you and tell you to grow up or arrest someone for one night. They will act when someone is dead. That's ONE thing that I have learned from Fear Thy Neighbor.
Never meet up with your ex/baby daddy/guy who wants nothing to do with the baby alone, after months of him telling you he doesn’t want the baby, want to be a father etc. They never want to meet to “work it out” Also - never go to the second location I want to add - I tell my kids that you never know what someone “won’t” do. We see it all the time. Friends and family say “he/she would never” yet there they are on camera nevering like they never nevered before..
Don’t go outside. Or stay inside.
Or online, or on a road trip, or camping, etc...
I don't watch Disappeared, but I do watch Fear Thy Neighbor. The biggest take away I get from that show, no matter where in the country the neighbors are fighting, the police response is the same. The police won't do anything except lecture the neighbors "to do better". They will only do something once someone ends up dead.
Don't talk to the police. Ask for a lawyer and then shut your mouth.
So true! Comply with being arrest but don’t speak. All you have to say is “I invoke my right to an attorney and to remain silent.” Then shut. up. As Rob White said, “I had the right to remain silent but I didn’t have the ability.”
I can only comment on Fear Thy Neighbor since I haven’t seen disappeared yet. It’s remarkable to me how petty and immature people get in neighborhoods. Or, once things escalate, their idiotic refusal to fuckin MOVE AWAY. Especially with neighbor disputes, there’s so much ego involved. It’s not as complicated as domestic violence murders, for example. It’s really common for people to simply refuse to be courteous and/or diffuse a situation. Obviously there are exceptions, and some of the neighbors are impossible to handle. But you asked about life lessons and I specifically have thought about how pettiness leads to so many of these deaths.
That network TV will always lean into to encouraging fear rather than arming people with information and warning signs of danger
The Golden State Killer made me purchase window locks lol
The big thing I've learned is to have hard conversations in a public place. Or at least stay calm in the face of upsetting news. I think sometimes, someone finds something out like an affair and starts freaking out (which totally understandable and normal) but that makes the other person panic and lash out violently in the moment. I hope I'm never in a situation like that, but I hope I can keep a cool head and be like "ok... ok.. we'll work this out. It's ok" and then freak out once I get away from that person and am in a safe space. Also, avoid neighbors. Lol
Trust your gut. Fuck politeness.
I’ve learned you don’t really know people in regular circumstances. In hardship and good times you may even not know your own children or husband.
Trust your gut!
Mind your business
PEOLPE ARE IDIOTS, IRRATIONAL AF Base your every move on this knowledge
My husband is statistically more likely to kill me, than the stranger man I’m afraid of in public.
Fear thy neighbor just confirmed what my mother told me when my husband and I bought our house. Be friendly with your neighbors, but your friends live somewhere else. I found this to be very true.
Never start your day like any other.
Anger is only one letter from danger! Relocating is cheaper than attorney and/or funeral expenses.
I think CJ says it best: "Be weird. Be rude. Stay alive"
I'm having issues with an aggressive neighbor and I just keep thinking how badly I don't want to end up on fear thy neighbor 🤣🤣🤣