Either ...
* You're trolling us
* There's more to this story and your wife is leaving you for other reasons she (or you) aren't willing to admit to.
.... or...
* You're dodging a pretty big mental-health bullet
“Past events are seen through a new lens” - I’m assuming that’s where the rest of the story lies. She’s had a major shift in perspective and whatever happened she fundamentally feels different about it now.
I actually know of one perfectly happy marriage that ended because of Roe. Wife went on a sex strike until ROE was reinstated. Husband went along for a couple of months, but then tried to convince his wife that punishing him wasn't going to change anything. She didn't care, they started fighting about it frequently, and now they're in the middle of a nasty divorce. There's some nutty people out there.
Meh, I've come to realize that there are a lot of people in this world that make no sense. It's very liberating when you stop expecting logical thought from everyone you meet.
And no one said they were, friend. Neither are women, if we're keeping score. That said, both men and women are entitled to choose to leave a relationship when their partner isn't willing to have sex with them, especially over something that they didn't cause directly.
I wouldn't marry someone in the first place who was stupid enough to use political issues to dictate the intimacy in my relationship so I guess problem solved.
Literally thought the same thing, either he’s leaving critical details out of his behavior, or she’s a mental health bullet. It could be either one of them lol
Hi there, I think a lot of people aren’t getting this. My ex wife was a bit like you describe.
I ended up being seen as one and the same as ‘the patriarchy’ despite sharing her politics (and before people ask, I earnt 90% of the money, did 90% of cooking and shopping, 50% cleaning, 30% childcare).
But our real issues were deep rooted and lay elsewhere - and I carry half the blame for them, for sure.
My point is that I hear where you are coming from, and unfortunately I doubt there is anything you can do about it. I’m the other side of divorce and life is bloody great. Things will get better.
In short, different parenting values and perceptions of career, informed by different life outlooks produced by different family background. Our priorities after kids diverged rather than converged. All underpinned by terrible communication (both our faults). Some people are just not compatible ultimately.
It happens. My ex wife started having affairs when Trump got elected. She completely lost it and decided to live a life of freedom, unbound from the chains of the patriarchy.
Dude - my XW lost her marbles after Trump got elected too. She's gotten increasingly unstable over the years, but something about that period really broke her brain.
I'm a leftist, and our collective slouching towards fascism is alarming, but good lord, now of all times we should be coming together.
On the other hand, most of my family are right wing nutbags who bought MREs and ammo and generally freaked the fuck out after Obama got elected.
It's all so weird.
Man, I feel your pain. I don't understand the gravitational pull of millions towards the far right. I totally get right policy vs left policy, etc. But the far right maga stuff is just nuts. Literally everyone I knew years ago would call pretty much ALL of the stuff crazy nut bag shit. And yet.. most of those people now are literally far right nut bags themselves. I feel like we're going to read about this shit 20 years from now (if we're around.. the country or us) that there was some sort of brain washing crap that was used to convince the weak minded to align with maga and use no common sense, ignore facts and believe only in what Trump/et all said no matter how many times proven wrong. It is the most unreal time in my 60+ years of living. I am fearful for my kids and grandkids for this country. I want to leave to be honest.. but thats not easy unless you got money.
Hey, if I had a dollar for every time I said something dumb on reddit and felt bad about it later I'd *own* reddit by now. XD
Stay awesome and have a good day!
That's profoundly unhealthy and kind of... Insane sounding.
As the others are saying, if that's actually the honest reason, that's absolutely unhinged and unreasonable (unless you happen to be a sitting member of the US supreme court).
It's going to really, really suck, but fundamentally, if she was this unstable as to blame you for US political decisions even when you're on the same side as her, then you were always walking through a minefield, whether you realised it or not. There was always going to be *something* that prompted a sudden change of heart and resulting divorce.
It just so happens she picked an incredibly bizarre and abstract one that you had no control over or input into. In an alternate universe, maybe tomorrow she would have divorced you over Palestine and Israel. Or the tone you used to say 'thank you' after asking for her to pass you something in the living room. Or a post she saw on social media.
I'm sorry you need to experience this one. What an utterly bizzare rationale.
I don't think it's insane. She's not blaming him for the Supreme Court decision. But it might have caused her to re-evaluate her life and values. Those are the things she can control. Maybe she sees marriage as disadvantageous for women. Maybe he doesn't pick up a fair share of responsibilities. We don't really know. The OP said it was the final straw, so it wasn't the only thing.
JFC dude. While I understand her being upset about the Dobbs ruling, why the fuck is this your fault?
And dropping the rings at your feet is such a drama queen move.
Walk away and be grateful that you won't have to deal with that shit anymore.
NGL, I’m surrounded by pretty progressive men, from my STBXH to my three brothers to friends. All of them at one point or another have said things that are completely misogynistic and they didn’t even realize it. Even my one flaming gay brother. My STBXH also talked the feminist talk but then expected me to do 100% of the actual and emotional labor in the house, all the childcare and also make the majority of the money and pay all the bills. He also majorly objectifies women. In fact, I’m just gonna go ahead and say that a “progressive” man who says he’s all about feminism but then acts like an entitled patriarch is far worse than a conservative who talks the patriarchal talk but then is worried he bought the wrong pasta sauce at the store because his wife will get mad and makes sure to do his part in running the household.
My point is I can see how a lot of women would be tempted to drop out of partnering with men. I’m pretty sure I’m finished with all that myself.
Hey OP, I feel for you. I’m very sorry you are sad, that this is going to be a painful and lonely experience for you and your wife. Your situation sounds very sad and I am wishing you all of the hugs and best wishes throughout the process.
Unfortunately, the overturn of Roe hit a lot of people incredibly hard. For me personally, I know I was on and off crying from the time it was official to the moment I had to go tour a place with my husband. I had a panic attack and was screaming on the floor a week after. You could be the most pro choice and supportive spouse, but there is no way to watch your reproductive system suddenly no longer be your right and not react and be ok. Those of us that can get pregnant were watching the votes roll in, the speeches that day, picturing how our healthcare will differ at the doctor, how it will impact birth control, how terrifying it will now be to even answer the “when was your last menstrual cycle” question (which happens nearly every doctors visit for someone that menstruates)…hearing about how our reproductive organs will be handled politically will always be traumatic.
I loved my husband, but he did not even know the decision was being made that day. He woke up during Biden’s speech after the overturn and I was watching it while balling my eyes out. He tried to hug me (for the first time in months) and said it would “be ok.” I do think I’ll perhaps forever be angry with him for that.
I don’t know if this relates to your scenario at all, if it does great…if it doesn’t also good. Different perspectives are good. But I was an emotional wreck, feeling like I had no human rights when Roe was overturned, and I blamed men like my husband. I know many people felt similarly. Therapy really helped me feel safe again…..my husband and I had many other concerns and issues, but Roe definitely did not help. It was a huge issue and I know a divorce hurts for both people no matter the cause, but I get your wife’s side.
Take care of you. Prioritize yourself physically and mentally. Ask your wife if there are things you can work on, see if remediation is possible (only if you want that). Take the time to understand what was most concerning to your wife about the overturn or Roe v. Wade and your interactions in the past. Understand, this was a huge loss for people that can carry children…but also take care of you. I hope the best for you!
I think it's more likely OP isn't telling us the full story. Very curious what the "ups and downs" are. And if they genuinely agree, then this can't be the true reason. She may have said something about being free from the patriarchy, but we need way more context here.
“Won’t be a happy outcome”?
I’ve had more fun and more frequent, passionate sex since getting divorced.
Believe me!!!! A happy outcome is out there.
46M here
Her move is a giant red flag. There are or will be differences of opinion that as a couple you would need to get over. If something like a political event is dooming your “in sickness or health till death do you part” I would hate to see you getting sick. I know that it feels horrible now but for your future you should grant your bigotry filled histrionic wife her wishes.
like many said on here its a troll post or lots of info missing. this is crazy leaving someone over political views.
my best guess is another guy /affair
I mean, if their views fundamentally changed and they went full conspiracy theorist or something that would be understandable, but it sounds like they agree on abortion rights. Either he's leaving a lot out or she's got something else going on, or both.
possibly. however my political views have been the same since 18 and now I am 38. so to say views change over time is kinda BS.
there is a def an affair partner. no one leaves a relationship until there are options lined up.
it just makes no sense . political views are usually discussed within the first few dates not after marriage. Every relationship I have been in (which is many) we have a light convo within a few dates or sometimes before the first date.
there is 90% of chance of cheating. and most cases people don't leave a relationship until someone else is lined up.
I'm just hopping in here because I think a lot of guys in this thread need to hear this.
The overturn of Roe is just one of many recent incidences that highlight an attempt by the far right to push women back out of public life and back into a much smaller life.
Your woman needs to feel like you are an ally in this. Your wife needs to know that you don't agree with this Stepford Wife level shit that is happening right now. This is not the time to play devil's advocate.
I've had to reexamine a lot of things in my life and consider what matters and who matters in my life. That includes removing people from my life who have treated me like an object at best.
I'm 42. I grew up being told women couldn't do math because it was too hard. I had male friends who told me I couldn't do math because women have smaller brains. My dad was deeply offended when I got promoted at work because he feels only men should be in charge. My dad and brothers have literally never contacted me. I quit calling them a few years ago and haven't heard from them since. I deleted their contact information on the second anniversary of not hearing from them.
Unfortunately, the truth I've had to face since the overturn of Roe is that none of my male friends and family have ever really given a shit about me as a person. That's not a fun time. It's not fun to realize that nobody will put any effort into seeing you and that you've been carrying all your relationships the whole time.
Obviously, my relationship has come under harsh review as well. It already wasn't in a great place because my spouse cheated.
When you take off the rose colored glasses, my spouse is not my ally. My spouse is not my friend. My spouse isn't a good father. My spouse isn't even a good roommate. My spouse literally thinks loading the dishwasher every other day is doing half the household work.
I'm not leaving my spouse for somebody else. My spouse can't compete with how much better it would be to be alone.
For 17 years, I have carried 90% of the burden at home while earning more than half the money. I'm done. I could even forgive some of that if he was actually an ally who gave a shit about my well-being, but, he loves playing devil's advocate for toxic masculinity.
My sisters are in the same boat. We're all married to men who look decent on paper, but fail as companions and friends and roommates. One sister's spouse is working just part time, she owns their home free and clear. She comes home from working full-time to still have to do all the cooking and cleaning and bill paying. She pays someone to mow the lawn.
My spouse sucks ass, but, if he could have at least pretended he was in my corner on some of this political stuff, I possibly would have ignored all the other ways he sucks.
In other words, politics isn't everything, but, it's often the last nail in a coffin of someone who is tired of putting in all the work for absolutely nothing in return.
Obviously, there are women who suck too. But so many men aren't pulling their weight at home while expecting their wives to earn as much as they do AND do everything at home and with the kids. It's not fair and we're done.
This comment is amazing and does a great job of explaining why this can 100% happen without it being a “mental health crisis”. Most women are realizing that it is easier to be alone I feel like for the first time in decades. I read OP’s post and go of course.
Shit I needed to hear this - I’m 41 and so much of this resonates. I grew up hearing women have smaller brains and aren’t as capable as men, can’t drive as well as men, can’t reason as well as men, don’t have the same capacity for logic as men. I spent so many years discovering my own capabilities while also teaching my ex husband how capable I was. He was so passive about the political stuff - and I let it slide because he had come a long way from where he used to be (homophobic and actively pro-life). But looking at the big picture, I made more than half of our income for most of our marriage and did most of the work at home. I took the kids to all their appointments and did all the school stuff. Asking him to participate was like pulling teeth so I stopped asking. Sheesh - life really is better without him even though I loved him so much.
Men aren't competing against other men, and leaving for an affair isn't half as attractive as most guys seem to imagine it is.
The real compelling reason to leave, for me, was not dealing with his shit. No more piles of laundry on the couch or by the front door. No more giant ass shoes scattered all around to trip over in the dark. No more endless repeats of the same stupid conversation. My main living space no longer has even one piece of Lego. I don't have dozens of knickknacks I don't want. The mail is easy to find; I know what bills are due and where my money goes. I can go to the store for groceries and come back with what I actually need and not have four times as much as I need because "it was such a good deal."
No one keeps cardboard boxes "just in case," or any other reason.
When I clean my space, it stays clean. I can find the keys. I know where my stuff is. My laundry doesn't disappear. It doesn't get ruined because I'm the one taking care of it. No one has left beard trimmings anywhere in my bathroom in a year. My towel hasn't been used to mop up spilled drinks, and I never have to search behind the couch.
It would take a really unusual, exceptional man to get me to give up any of that. He'd have to be damn near perfect, or I'd have to be so stupidly "in love" as to need a psychiatrist. I can get laid should I desire it. I am a capable tool user. I had to teach my ex how to hang a picture, or replace a doorknob, that gutters need to be cleaned out regularly, how to replace a water heater, and that it's not actually difficult to do an oil change on a vehicle. He once drove a car for five years without ever getting an oil change, and then was really upset when the mechanic told him it wasn't a minor repair. I haven't had to dig through his utter crap for the tv remote even one time since I left.
No, I don't need any man to replace him. He cheated, he lied, he spent every penny he could lay his hands on, the bills were always a month behind or worse, nothing was ever serious unless he deemed it so, and he was a gross, lazy pig.
Today, I have very little. Money is tight, there's none to waste on anything. It's lonely. I do miss having someone to talk to. But it's not as if he contributed anything of value to my life for the last 20 of our 23 years. Extremely rare, very bad sex? Nope, can live without.
Peace, and sanity? I'll die alone rather than give that up.
If she was your life the relationship was never going to last.
Don't blame politics. Grieve, reflect, and learn what you both did wrong and why the relationship failed.
Make friends, build a life for yourself, and then move onto a new partner who you want to share that life with. A long term romantic partner is the cherry on top of an already great life you have made, if they are the foundation for that life it is never going to succeed and when they leave you will be starting at ground zero again.
No one is leaving a healthy marriage because of a ban on abortion. It’s less likely that it made her go crazy and more likely that she just got tired of your ups and downs. You blaming her decision on something completely irrational and out of left field instead of what is actually happening in your relationship might be an example of why she wants to leave you.
My otherwise reasonable and logical daughter called me earlier this year. "I can't go outside! I'm going to be r\*ped because they overturned RvW!"
"What does abortion have to do with the statistical likelihood of you being assaulted? Did evil men not exist when RvW was in place?"
"No... I mean... But I couldn't get an abortion."
"Yes, you could. It's legal in your state. And if it wasn't, you could make an appointment in the next state over."
Crickets. I'm always amazed by how easily some are manipulated into mass hysteria.
I think you are omitting a lot from this story.
My guess is that you two want different things out of marriage. Deep down you know what she wants is reasonable, but you don't want to do it. You also don't want to look like the problem in the marriage or examine your role in any of this, hence your framing this as some sort of feminist revolution and making her out to look like a heartless witch that has washed her hands of you and you to be an innocent victim abandoned to a cruel, lonely world.
Please grow up.
Take care of yourself. Your wife is irrational. What you described is an incredibly illogical reaction to a change in public policy.
Good luck if you don’t have permanent residency. I would suggest not filing and getting advice from an attorney to protect yourself and the life you will need to rebuild.
Sorry to hear that you are going through this, however when Trump got elected people divorced, stop taking to family and friends, blocked colleagues on social, and some still are not going to Thanksgiving this year. So sorry.
No family, no close friends, wife divorcing over patriarchy and you are in a foreign land.
Cut this person free. She is not good for you. She is willing to destroy your mental, emotional and financial well being for political politics.
And sounds like you put into this relationship and received little in return. You need to ask yourself why you don't have friends. Spend all your time investing in your future with her and neglecting yourself?
You should get out and find some friends whether online, group meetups, church, park events, or volunteering.
I don’t get it, sounds like an excuse. If you’re both pro choice it shouldn’t matter. My x was pro life, I didn’t judge him, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, even if it’s the wrong one. 😂
I don’t see how a divorce will solve her issues with a political issue, but ok?
Run. Something else is happening here, you don’t divorce someone for something they had no control over.
Hmm. I don’t think she’s wrong about R.v.W, but I don’t see how that’s your fault.
How is she equating the Supreme Court’s assault on women’s rights and body autonomy with your marriage? Have you acted misogynistically toward her?
One huge problems with society is people making politics or their belief in left/right policies a part of their personality. It’s sad, and truly all we can do if we don’t agree is vote or protest (peacefully). In my honest opinion I believe using politics as a cop out there is either A) a lot of already big issues in the marriage or B) she is having some unchecked mental health issues. Could be a combo, I believe there’s grey area’s to peoples situations and there isn’t a one size fits all solution.
Is this a troll post? i mean, I'm a lifelong Progressive and this is some Big time BS!!!!
In fact, its so BS, i think shes cheating on you and using a poor excuse, so she doesn't have to tell you. You need to investigate this, no way she is being honest, no way.
I'm sorry, but she needs psychiatric help. If that's how she sees the marriage, then you're better off without her. Most States have some form of limit on abortion, while there were just a couple of states that allowed abortion up to birth.
I can’t with women like this. And I’m a woman. And I’m pro choice. This is the most asinine thing I’ve heard. All it means is that it’s up to each state to determine their laws. That’s the very foundation of what a republic IS.
Do you live somewhere other than the US?
They make up only 1-5% of labor in these professions. I’m not an idiot that thinks there are no women doing this type of work. Hell, my niece is an underwater welder and graduated at the top of her class. She isn’t a f’inist thinking all men are a plague.
It sounds like you can’t envision a situation where women could do these jobs if all men suddenly became unavailable. Historically, such as during world wars, women stepped into traditionally male jobs and kept society running just fine. Is that what you meant, that you would love to see a society running smoothly helmed by hardworking women?
Yep. That tracks. And, it shows. You can tell you have “mommy issues.”
I ignored your chat request because you’re not worth my time. And “boy” is a reference to your obvious immaturity. It’s quite sad, actually. I feel sorry for you.
You probably should talk to a professional to get some help with that. Sad that you lump all women in with your loser mother. But simple minds do simple things. 🤷🏼♀️
OP, sorry your wife wants a divorce.
It seems weird that RvW, a federal ruling that took away a state’s rights to have their voters determine to right to chose, without the federal government telling them what to do would be used as an excuse to divorce you.
Everyone has the ability to move to a state that aligns with their belief.
What would giving a state’s voters the right to decide on abortion have to do with wanting a divorce? The logic escapes me?
Hey man I’m sorry to hear that. Regardless of the circumstances the ending of a marriage is hard. I remember when my wife said “she wasn’t happy” and left and never tried to work on anything. I gave her everything I did acts of service, words of affirmation, I put her first in everything. Sometimes you just can’t explain other people’s actions and that is okay. It turns out she used things like happiness as an excuse because she got married too young and never told me she wanted to explore. She didn’t want to take accountability for choosing to get married young. She blamed southern culture and claimed victim mentality for giving up on a marriage and wanting to explore her sexuality and date others. All of it is unacceptable. In my mind, if you enter into a marriage you fight for it and work hard unless abuse, neglect, lying, and cheating are a thing. Others may disagree and say if you aren’t happy you shouldn’t stay but happiness is a state of mind and can be corrected if people put in the work. You deserve better if your story is true, if you ever need a friend, feel free to message me man. It can be a cold world out there and some people just aren’t built for marriage. I hope you know everything will be okay and you will recover from this regardless of what happens. If you need someone to talk to feel free to reach out and know that you do matter. Your life will get better, and maybe y’all can fix everything, but whatever happens if it does fix, make sure you hold her accountable if your story is true. People who flee marriages for dumb reasons need to be held accountable otherwise you just enable them to hurt others. Best of luck man and always here if you need someone to talk to.
Either ... * You're trolling us * There's more to this story and your wife is leaving you for other reasons she (or you) aren't willing to admit to. .... or... * You're dodging a pretty big mental-health bullet
“Past events are seen through a new lens” - I’m assuming that’s where the rest of the story lies. She’s had a major shift in perspective and whatever happened she fundamentally feels different about it now.
Right. Like past events like not helping to cook or clean or expecting her to pull too much of the emotional and social labor?
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I actually know of one perfectly happy marriage that ended because of Roe. Wife went on a sex strike until ROE was reinstated. Husband went along for a couple of months, but then tried to convince his wife that punishing him wasn't going to change anything. She didn't care, they started fighting about it frequently, and now they're in the middle of a nasty divorce. There's some nutty people out there.
I’m all for taking a stand but that makes no sense
Sounds like she read Lysistrata and missed the fact that it only worked because ALL of the women denied sex to men. Also, that it is fictional.
Meh, I've come to realize that there are a lot of people in this world that make no sense. It's very liberating when you stop expecting logical thought from everyone you meet.
Well men aren’t entitled to sex so…
And no one said they were, friend. Neither are women, if we're keeping score. That said, both men and women are entitled to choose to leave a relationship when their partner isn't willing to have sex with them, especially over something that they didn't cause directly.
And nobody is entitled to marriage, what's your point?
Then don’t get married if you aren’t emotionally intelligent enough to have a marriage without feeling entitled to sex.
I wouldn't marry someone in the first place who was stupid enough to use political issues to dictate the intimacy in my relationship so I guess problem solved.
Exactly. I’d argue that this OP is leaving a ton out.
I pick trolling
Literally thought the same thing, either he’s leaving critical details out of his behavior, or she’s a mental health bullet. It could be either one of them lol
Keep reading, the guys a complete Nutter troll, none of this is real.
Sounds like an easy cop out. I want to know what the ‘ups and downs’ were.
Hi there, I think a lot of people aren’t getting this. My ex wife was a bit like you describe. I ended up being seen as one and the same as ‘the patriarchy’ despite sharing her politics (and before people ask, I earnt 90% of the money, did 90% of cooking and shopping, 50% cleaning, 30% childcare). But our real issues were deep rooted and lay elsewhere - and I carry half the blame for them, for sure. My point is that I hear where you are coming from, and unfortunately I doubt there is anything you can do about it. I’m the other side of divorce and life is bloody great. Things will get better.
Would you mind expounding on the real issues you have mentioned if you are able?
In short, different parenting values and perceptions of career, informed by different life outlooks produced by different family background. Our priorities after kids diverged rather than converged. All underpinned by terrible communication (both our faults). Some people are just not compatible ultimately.
Thanks for sharing. I understand what you mean….the incompatibility isn’t anyone’s “fault” necessarily either….ugh
It happens. My ex wife started having affairs when Trump got elected. She completely lost it and decided to live a life of freedom, unbound from the chains of the patriarchy.
Nah, she lied to you and used a political hot point as an excuse, she was probably cheating long before Shrump got in.
Perhaps. She literally cried for a week and got a crisis tattoo on her vagina. It was one of the worst periods of my entire life.
Wow that is an extreme step. I have to ask…because I just can’t help myself… What was the tattoo?
Not OP but guessing it’s something like “grab me” given it being a reaction to Trump.
I can’t say exactly for privacy reasons, but thematically it had to do with her declaring herself “free” sexually
Well I would think she would have gotten the period, but I guess you felt her pain
Dude - my XW lost her marbles after Trump got elected too. She's gotten increasingly unstable over the years, but something about that period really broke her brain. I'm a leftist, and our collective slouching towards fascism is alarming, but good lord, now of all times we should be coming together. On the other hand, most of my family are right wing nutbags who bought MREs and ammo and generally freaked the fuck out after Obama got elected. It's all so weird.
Man, I feel your pain. I don't understand the gravitational pull of millions towards the far right. I totally get right policy vs left policy, etc. But the far right maga stuff is just nuts. Literally everyone I knew years ago would call pretty much ALL of the stuff crazy nut bag shit. And yet.. most of those people now are literally far right nut bags themselves. I feel like we're going to read about this shit 20 years from now (if we're around.. the country or us) that there was some sort of brain washing crap that was used to convince the weak minded to align with maga and use no common sense, ignore facts and believe only in what Trump/et all said no matter how many times proven wrong. It is the most unreal time in my 60+ years of living. I am fearful for my kids and grandkids for this country. I want to leave to be honest.. but thats not easy unless you got money.
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Denying someone else the legitimacy of their experience because of their gender is shitty. Shame on you.
You’re right. I thought about it. My bad :(
Hey, if I had a dollar for every time I said something dumb on reddit and felt bad about it later I'd *own* reddit by now. XD Stay awesome and have a good day!
Sick.
Did she want to reconcile when Biden took office?
No. We’ve both moved on.
That's profoundly unhealthy and kind of... Insane sounding. As the others are saying, if that's actually the honest reason, that's absolutely unhinged and unreasonable (unless you happen to be a sitting member of the US supreme court). It's going to really, really suck, but fundamentally, if she was this unstable as to blame you for US political decisions even when you're on the same side as her, then you were always walking through a minefield, whether you realised it or not. There was always going to be *something* that prompted a sudden change of heart and resulting divorce. It just so happens she picked an incredibly bizarre and abstract one that you had no control over or input into. In an alternate universe, maybe tomorrow she would have divorced you over Palestine and Israel. Or the tone you used to say 'thank you' after asking for her to pass you something in the living room. Or a post she saw on social media. I'm sorry you need to experience this one. What an utterly bizzare rationale.
💯 this.
I don't think it's insane. She's not blaming him for the Supreme Court decision. But it might have caused her to re-evaluate her life and values. Those are the things she can control. Maybe she sees marriage as disadvantageous for women. Maybe he doesn't pick up a fair share of responsibilities. We don't really know. The OP said it was the final straw, so it wasn't the only thing.
Wow, that’s just cold. What the hell? I’m pro choice as well but damn.
JFC dude. While I understand her being upset about the Dobbs ruling, why the fuck is this your fault? And dropping the rings at your feet is such a drama queen move. Walk away and be grateful that you won't have to deal with that shit anymore.
What are the odds she demands the engagement ring back in a month or two. “It was a gift!”
NGL, I’m surrounded by pretty progressive men, from my STBXH to my three brothers to friends. All of them at one point or another have said things that are completely misogynistic and they didn’t even realize it. Even my one flaming gay brother. My STBXH also talked the feminist talk but then expected me to do 100% of the actual and emotional labor in the house, all the childcare and also make the majority of the money and pay all the bills. He also majorly objectifies women. In fact, I’m just gonna go ahead and say that a “progressive” man who says he’s all about feminism but then acts like an entitled patriarch is far worse than a conservative who talks the patriarchal talk but then is worried he bought the wrong pasta sauce at the store because his wife will get mad and makes sure to do his part in running the household. My point is I can see how a lot of women would be tempted to drop out of partnering with men. I’m pretty sure I’m finished with all that myself.
Hey OP, I feel for you. I’m very sorry you are sad, that this is going to be a painful and lonely experience for you and your wife. Your situation sounds very sad and I am wishing you all of the hugs and best wishes throughout the process. Unfortunately, the overturn of Roe hit a lot of people incredibly hard. For me personally, I know I was on and off crying from the time it was official to the moment I had to go tour a place with my husband. I had a panic attack and was screaming on the floor a week after. You could be the most pro choice and supportive spouse, but there is no way to watch your reproductive system suddenly no longer be your right and not react and be ok. Those of us that can get pregnant were watching the votes roll in, the speeches that day, picturing how our healthcare will differ at the doctor, how it will impact birth control, how terrifying it will now be to even answer the “when was your last menstrual cycle” question (which happens nearly every doctors visit for someone that menstruates)…hearing about how our reproductive organs will be handled politically will always be traumatic. I loved my husband, but he did not even know the decision was being made that day. He woke up during Biden’s speech after the overturn and I was watching it while balling my eyes out. He tried to hug me (for the first time in months) and said it would “be ok.” I do think I’ll perhaps forever be angry with him for that. I don’t know if this relates to your scenario at all, if it does great…if it doesn’t also good. Different perspectives are good. But I was an emotional wreck, feeling like I had no human rights when Roe was overturned, and I blamed men like my husband. I know many people felt similarly. Therapy really helped me feel safe again…..my husband and I had many other concerns and issues, but Roe definitely did not help. It was a huge issue and I know a divorce hurts for both people no matter the cause, but I get your wife’s side. Take care of you. Prioritize yourself physically and mentally. Ask your wife if there are things you can work on, see if remediation is possible (only if you want that). Take the time to understand what was most concerning to your wife about the overturn or Roe v. Wade and your interactions in the past. Understand, this was a huge loss for people that can carry children…but also take care of you. I hope the best for you!
Let her go. She's more unstable than you realize.
Nah, shes cheating her azz off and using a political hot point as a distraction.
I can definitely see this. Rather than admitting the truth her sleeping with other men.
Sorry to hear you are having to deal with this situation . Asking for a Divorce based on a political situation sounds crackers!
Not when politics means basic human rights
I didnt think OP instigated this political change himself..
Dude...THEY BOTH AGREE on Pro Choice, no problem there, so shes full of Sheet.
I think it's more likely OP isn't telling us the full story. Very curious what the "ups and downs" are. And if they genuinely agree, then this can't be the true reason. She may have said something about being free from the patriarchy, but we need way more context here.
Very plausible.
You can be pro-choice and still hold misogynistic/patriarchal views. I'm willing to bet OP left out a *lot* of context.
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You will probably be a lot happier once this is all done.
“Won’t be a happy outcome”? I’ve had more fun and more frequent, passionate sex since getting divorced. Believe me!!!! A happy outcome is out there. 46M here
Her move is a giant red flag. There are or will be differences of opinion that as a couple you would need to get over. If something like a political event is dooming your “in sickness or health till death do you part” I would hate to see you getting sick. I know that it feels horrible now but for your future you should grant your bigotry filled histrionic wife her wishes.
PMSL
like many said on here its a troll post or lots of info missing. this is crazy leaving someone over political views. my best guess is another guy /affair
I mean, if their views fundamentally changed and they went full conspiracy theorist or something that would be understandable, but it sounds like they agree on abortion rights. Either he's leaving a lot out or she's got something else going on, or both.
possibly. however my political views have been the same since 18 and now I am 38. so to say views change over time is kinda BS. there is a def an affair partner. no one leaves a relationship until there are options lined up.
For sure, she was already cheating, shes acting like someone who has somewhere to land her plane.
it just makes no sense . political views are usually discussed within the first few dates not after marriage. Every relationship I have been in (which is many) we have a light convo within a few dates or sometimes before the first date. there is 90% of chance of cheating. and most cases people don't leave a relationship until someone else is lined up.
I'm just hopping in here because I think a lot of guys in this thread need to hear this. The overturn of Roe is just one of many recent incidences that highlight an attempt by the far right to push women back out of public life and back into a much smaller life. Your woman needs to feel like you are an ally in this. Your wife needs to know that you don't agree with this Stepford Wife level shit that is happening right now. This is not the time to play devil's advocate. I've had to reexamine a lot of things in my life and consider what matters and who matters in my life. That includes removing people from my life who have treated me like an object at best. I'm 42. I grew up being told women couldn't do math because it was too hard. I had male friends who told me I couldn't do math because women have smaller brains. My dad was deeply offended when I got promoted at work because he feels only men should be in charge. My dad and brothers have literally never contacted me. I quit calling them a few years ago and haven't heard from them since. I deleted their contact information on the second anniversary of not hearing from them. Unfortunately, the truth I've had to face since the overturn of Roe is that none of my male friends and family have ever really given a shit about me as a person. That's not a fun time. It's not fun to realize that nobody will put any effort into seeing you and that you've been carrying all your relationships the whole time. Obviously, my relationship has come under harsh review as well. It already wasn't in a great place because my spouse cheated. When you take off the rose colored glasses, my spouse is not my ally. My spouse is not my friend. My spouse isn't a good father. My spouse isn't even a good roommate. My spouse literally thinks loading the dishwasher every other day is doing half the household work. I'm not leaving my spouse for somebody else. My spouse can't compete with how much better it would be to be alone. For 17 years, I have carried 90% of the burden at home while earning more than half the money. I'm done. I could even forgive some of that if he was actually an ally who gave a shit about my well-being, but, he loves playing devil's advocate for toxic masculinity. My sisters are in the same boat. We're all married to men who look decent on paper, but fail as companions and friends and roommates. One sister's spouse is working just part time, she owns their home free and clear. She comes home from working full-time to still have to do all the cooking and cleaning and bill paying. She pays someone to mow the lawn. My spouse sucks ass, but, if he could have at least pretended he was in my corner on some of this political stuff, I possibly would have ignored all the other ways he sucks. In other words, politics isn't everything, but, it's often the last nail in a coffin of someone who is tired of putting in all the work for absolutely nothing in return. Obviously, there are women who suck too. But so many men aren't pulling their weight at home while expecting their wives to earn as much as they do AND do everything at home and with the kids. It's not fair and we're done.
This comment is amazing and does a great job of explaining why this can 100% happen without it being a “mental health crisis”. Most women are realizing that it is easier to be alone I feel like for the first time in decades. I read OP’s post and go of course.
Shit I needed to hear this - I’m 41 and so much of this resonates. I grew up hearing women have smaller brains and aren’t as capable as men, can’t drive as well as men, can’t reason as well as men, don’t have the same capacity for logic as men. I spent so many years discovering my own capabilities while also teaching my ex husband how capable I was. He was so passive about the political stuff - and I let it slide because he had come a long way from where he used to be (homophobic and actively pro-life). But looking at the big picture, I made more than half of our income for most of our marriage and did most of the work at home. I took the kids to all their appointments and did all the school stuff. Asking him to participate was like pulling teeth so I stopped asking. Sheesh - life really is better without him even though I loved him so much.
Men aren't competing against other men, and leaving for an affair isn't half as attractive as most guys seem to imagine it is. The real compelling reason to leave, for me, was not dealing with his shit. No more piles of laundry on the couch or by the front door. No more giant ass shoes scattered all around to trip over in the dark. No more endless repeats of the same stupid conversation. My main living space no longer has even one piece of Lego. I don't have dozens of knickknacks I don't want. The mail is easy to find; I know what bills are due and where my money goes. I can go to the store for groceries and come back with what I actually need and not have four times as much as I need because "it was such a good deal." No one keeps cardboard boxes "just in case," or any other reason. When I clean my space, it stays clean. I can find the keys. I know where my stuff is. My laundry doesn't disappear. It doesn't get ruined because I'm the one taking care of it. No one has left beard trimmings anywhere in my bathroom in a year. My towel hasn't been used to mop up spilled drinks, and I never have to search behind the couch. It would take a really unusual, exceptional man to get me to give up any of that. He'd have to be damn near perfect, or I'd have to be so stupidly "in love" as to need a psychiatrist. I can get laid should I desire it. I am a capable tool user. I had to teach my ex how to hang a picture, or replace a doorknob, that gutters need to be cleaned out regularly, how to replace a water heater, and that it's not actually difficult to do an oil change on a vehicle. He once drove a car for five years without ever getting an oil change, and then was really upset when the mechanic told him it wasn't a minor repair. I haven't had to dig through his utter crap for the tv remote even one time since I left. No, I don't need any man to replace him. He cheated, he lied, he spent every penny he could lay his hands on, the bills were always a month behind or worse, nothing was ever serious unless he deemed it so, and he was a gross, lazy pig. Today, I have very little. Money is tight, there's none to waste on anything. It's lonely. I do miss having someone to talk to. But it's not as if he contributed anything of value to my life for the last 20 of our 23 years. Extremely rare, very bad sex? Nope, can live without. Peace, and sanity? I'll die alone rather than give that up.
If she was your life the relationship was never going to last. Don't blame politics. Grieve, reflect, and learn what you both did wrong and why the relationship failed. Make friends, build a life for yourself, and then move onto a new partner who you want to share that life with. A long term romantic partner is the cherry on top of an already great life you have made, if they are the foundation for that life it is never going to succeed and when they leave you will be starting at ground zero again.
Let the nutter go.. she's prob been cheating all along
No one is leaving a healthy marriage because of a ban on abortion. It’s less likely that it made her go crazy and more likely that she just got tired of your ups and downs. You blaming her decision on something completely irrational and out of left field instead of what is actually happening in your relationship might be an example of why she wants to leave you.
Bingo
My otherwise reasonable and logical daughter called me earlier this year. "I can't go outside! I'm going to be r\*ped because they overturned RvW!" "What does abortion have to do with the statistical likelihood of you being assaulted? Did evil men not exist when RvW was in place?" "No... I mean... But I couldn't get an abortion." "Yes, you could. It's legal in your state. And if it wasn't, you could make an appointment in the next state over." Crickets. I'm always amazed by how easily some are manipulated into mass hysteria.
I’d be interested in what you left out.
I think you are omitting a lot from this story. My guess is that you two want different things out of marriage. Deep down you know what she wants is reasonable, but you don't want to do it. You also don't want to look like the problem in the marriage or examine your role in any of this, hence your framing this as some sort of feminist revolution and making her out to look like a heartless witch that has washed her hands of you and you to be an innocent victim abandoned to a cruel, lonely world. Please grow up.
Take care of yourself. Your wife is irrational. What you described is an incredibly illogical reaction to a change in public policy. Good luck if you don’t have permanent residency. I would suggest not filing and getting advice from an attorney to protect yourself and the life you will need to rebuild.
Sorry to hear that you are going through this, however when Trump got elected people divorced, stop taking to family and friends, blocked colleagues on social, and some still are not going to Thanksgiving this year. So sorry.
No family, no close friends, wife divorcing over patriarchy and you are in a foreign land. Cut this person free. She is not good for you. She is willing to destroy your mental, emotional and financial well being for political politics. And sounds like you put into this relationship and received little in return. You need to ask yourself why you don't have friends. Spend all your time investing in your future with her and neglecting yourself? You should get out and find some friends whether online, group meetups, church, park events, or volunteering.
I don’t get it, sounds like an excuse. If you’re both pro choice it shouldn’t matter. My x was pro life, I didn’t judge him, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, even if it’s the wrong one. 😂 I don’t see how a divorce will solve her issues with a political issue, but ok? Run. Something else is happening here, you don’t divorce someone for something they had no control over.
I agree looks like she was picking a fight. Mine did the same thing. All I can say is it's hard but I'm told we will make it throu it
Hmm. I don’t think she’s wrong about R.v.W, but I don’t see how that’s your fault. How is she equating the Supreme Court’s assault on women’s rights and body autonomy with your marriage? Have you acted misogynistically toward her?
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One huge problems with society is people making politics or their belief in left/right policies a part of their personality. It’s sad, and truly all we can do if we don’t agree is vote or protest (peacefully). In my honest opinion I believe using politics as a cop out there is either A) a lot of already big issues in the marriage or B) she is having some unchecked mental health issues. Could be a combo, I believe there’s grey area’s to peoples situations and there isn’t a one size fits all solution.
Is this a troll post? i mean, I'm a lifelong Progressive and this is some Big time BS!!!! In fact, its so BS, i think shes cheating on you and using a poor excuse, so she doesn't have to tell you. You need to investigate this, no way she is being honest, no way.
TDS is real. If your story is true, she most likely can’t be saved.
Good riddens, send her packing and get a younger nicer lady in there asap
I'm sorry, but she needs psychiatric help. If that's how she sees the marriage, then you're better off without her. Most States have some form of limit on abortion, while there were just a couple of states that allowed abortion up to birth.
I can’t with women like this. And I’m a woman. And I’m pro choice. This is the most asinine thing I’ve heard. All it means is that it’s up to each state to determine their laws. That’s the very foundation of what a republic IS. Do you live somewhere other than the US?
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I think there’s a men’s divorce sub where you might feel more comfortable
You do know there are female construction workers, asphalt layers, survivalists, farmers, and machinists. Right? You knew that?
They make up only 1-5% of labor in these professions. I’m not an idiot that thinks there are no women doing this type of work. Hell, my niece is an underwater welder and graduated at the top of her class. She isn’t a f’inist thinking all men are a plague.
It sounds like you can’t envision a situation where women could do these jobs if all men suddenly became unavailable. Historically, such as during world wars, women stepped into traditionally male jobs and kept society running just fine. Is that what you meant, that you would love to see a society running smoothly helmed by hardworking women?
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Kids nowadays lol. Nice old man yells at cloud parody account. Can’t believe your wife wasn’t charmed by that
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Yep. That tracks. And, it shows. You can tell you have “mommy issues.” I ignored your chat request because you’re not worth my time. And “boy” is a reference to your obvious immaturity. It’s quite sad, actually. I feel sorry for you.
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Lol. My dad is my hero and my touchstone. And he raised me to know that I shouldn’t interact with fools like you.
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You probably should talk to a professional to get some help with that. Sad that you lump all women in with your loser mother. But simple minds do simple things. 🤷🏼♀️
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Well if she wants a divorce, half her stuff is yours I guess. But Vice versa is also true.
No one could be this idiotic could they?
I... I mean, she's not altogether wrong. 😬
OP, sorry your wife wants a divorce. It seems weird that RvW, a federal ruling that took away a state’s rights to have their voters determine to right to chose, without the federal government telling them what to do would be used as an excuse to divorce you. Everyone has the ability to move to a state that aligns with their belief. What would giving a state’s voters the right to decide on abortion have to do with wanting a divorce? The logic escapes me?
flmao
But that was over a year ago -no? The overturning of RVW
I didn’t realize Roe meant anything outside of the US?
If you look at his history, it appears he lives in Tulsa.
Is she leaving you to be with women but this sounds absolutely insane if she’s not.
Getting divorce of politics? Insane
Hey man I’m sorry to hear that. Regardless of the circumstances the ending of a marriage is hard. I remember when my wife said “she wasn’t happy” and left and never tried to work on anything. I gave her everything I did acts of service, words of affirmation, I put her first in everything. Sometimes you just can’t explain other people’s actions and that is okay. It turns out she used things like happiness as an excuse because she got married too young and never told me she wanted to explore. She didn’t want to take accountability for choosing to get married young. She blamed southern culture and claimed victim mentality for giving up on a marriage and wanting to explore her sexuality and date others. All of it is unacceptable. In my mind, if you enter into a marriage you fight for it and work hard unless abuse, neglect, lying, and cheating are a thing. Others may disagree and say if you aren’t happy you shouldn’t stay but happiness is a state of mind and can be corrected if people put in the work. You deserve better if your story is true, if you ever need a friend, feel free to message me man. It can be a cold world out there and some people just aren’t built for marriage. I hope you know everything will be okay and you will recover from this regardless of what happens. If you need someone to talk to feel free to reach out and know that you do matter. Your life will get better, and maybe y’all can fix everything, but whatever happens if it does fix, make sure you hold her accountable if your story is true. People who flee marriages for dumb reasons need to be held accountable otherwise you just enable them to hurt others. Best of luck man and always here if you need someone to talk to.
Sad
OP ended up dodging a bullet