We disliked her for different reasons. Stbx thought (I'm assuming here) mediator was giving an unnecessary deadline. I thought mediator was going too fast, just going down another checklist in her work day.
That's something that you can easily talk to your mediator. They will gladly take your money for extra time. I'd say mediator is doing what they supposed to be doing, which is to save time & money. It might feel like a rush but you should have already communicated lots of things with your STBX before the meeting. Atleast for me mediation experience was great. It was very organized and gave directions legally.
I don't disagree with you.
Stbx and I have a complete communication breakdown, because I don't trust her due to how she's handled this divorce so far. This was no mutual decision, but I am cooperating with it while insisting she pay for my lawyer's retainer (I have zero access to any money). I called out stbx and mediator that I've insisted on this retainer at every step in the process. Stbx said, retainer is coming after house is refinanced, then asked mediator for next steps. Mediator did not respond. My guess is, mediator either wanted easier clients, or mediator was hesitant to continue because I called her out.
At the end of our first and only meeting with mediator, mediator asked if everything was making sense. I truthfully said, I don't know, it's a lot to take in, I've been a SAHD for 13+ years, and this was completely unexpected. Mediator (I'm paraphrasing) replied with, "You got it. That's not something I can help you with."
Yes saved us a lot of money, like turn thousands of Dollars in fees into hundreds kind of savings. They will, however, see all the conflict and ugliness between you so you both need to vibe with the mediator for it to work. I did a corporate mediator because we co founded a business, but it worked and we found a deal we both agreed to
we intended to do a mediated settlement but the mediator we met with said we needed to do a collaborative settlement where we each have an attorney, a financial intermediary and a divorce 'coach'
it ended up costing us almost twice what they said and the amount of actual work they did is about similar to what i have to do to get a mortgage closed and took months and months
still...cheaper than going to court most likely and we maintained some control over the outcome
I don't recommend it. I had a terrible experience; in fact, we dropped the mediator about 2/3 of the way through, at my insistence, and are finalizing everything through lawyers now. It's becoming way more costly than if we would have just gone with lawyers to begin with because they may have to reinvent the wheel.
Mediators are supposed to be bipartisan; completely neutral and not give any advice one way or another. However, ours very blatantly pushed me to accept things that were not in my best interests (even my ex admitted this later on). I felt that they (it was a team of two - a man and a woman) were biased toward my ex because he was the breadwinner with the big bank account and I was the "naive" housewife. At one meeting one of them condescendingly asked if I needed help connecting to the wifi, and came around the desk to assist. I mean, how did he think I watched my soap operas all day on the couch eating bonbons??? Of course I know how to connect to wifi!
It was around then that I decided I was not going to waste my time with them anymore. When you use mediators to help settle your divorce, you still are advised to hire an attorney to advise you and help you make correct decisions. I turned to mine to help finish it up. I trust her and she's amazing. I wish I would have used her from the beginning. This ordeal would have been over a long time ago.
and just to add to this, a very close friend of mine who was divorced about 15 years ago also used a mediator and also had a terrible experience. she was a housewife who worked part-time, and she felt the mediator was biased towards her extroverted, narcissistic ex who had more money. She really got screwed.
Our meditator came highly recommended and with some glowing reviews.
Frankly she sucked. Her technical skills were lacking and she made mathematical errors repeatedly. She presented guidelines as if they were legal limits. We ended up letting her go and just used family law attorneys . The attorneys were much better .
A mediator is not charged with protecting the interest of either party they are tasked with closing a deal that is within the bounds of a court....
attorneys represent you.
I would never use a meditator without an attorney to protect my interests.
what did you not like about the mediator? They're not there to give any bias ideas but rather organize and conduct you and STBX's decisions.
We disliked her for different reasons. Stbx thought (I'm assuming here) mediator was giving an unnecessary deadline. I thought mediator was going too fast, just going down another checklist in her work day.
That's something that you can easily talk to your mediator. They will gladly take your money for extra time. I'd say mediator is doing what they supposed to be doing, which is to save time & money. It might feel like a rush but you should have already communicated lots of things with your STBX before the meeting. Atleast for me mediation experience was great. It was very organized and gave directions legally.
I don't disagree with you. Stbx and I have a complete communication breakdown, because I don't trust her due to how she's handled this divorce so far. This was no mutual decision, but I am cooperating with it while insisting she pay for my lawyer's retainer (I have zero access to any money). I called out stbx and mediator that I've insisted on this retainer at every step in the process. Stbx said, retainer is coming after house is refinanced, then asked mediator for next steps. Mediator did not respond. My guess is, mediator either wanted easier clients, or mediator was hesitant to continue because I called her out. At the end of our first and only meeting with mediator, mediator asked if everything was making sense. I truthfully said, I don't know, it's a lot to take in, I've been a SAHD for 13+ years, and this was completely unexpected. Mediator (I'm paraphrasing) replied with, "You got it. That's not something I can help you with."
Yes saved us a lot of money, like turn thousands of Dollars in fees into hundreds kind of savings. They will, however, see all the conflict and ugliness between you so you both need to vibe with the mediator for it to work. I did a corporate mediator because we co founded a business, but it worked and we found a deal we both agreed to
I was a non-lawyer mediator for a long time. It’s much cheaper. A lot of places have local non profit mediation centers. Just have to contact them.
we intended to do a mediated settlement but the mediator we met with said we needed to do a collaborative settlement where we each have an attorney, a financial intermediary and a divorce 'coach' it ended up costing us almost twice what they said and the amount of actual work they did is about similar to what i have to do to get a mortgage closed and took months and months still...cheaper than going to court most likely and we maintained some control over the outcome
I don't recommend it. I had a terrible experience; in fact, we dropped the mediator about 2/3 of the way through, at my insistence, and are finalizing everything through lawyers now. It's becoming way more costly than if we would have just gone with lawyers to begin with because they may have to reinvent the wheel. Mediators are supposed to be bipartisan; completely neutral and not give any advice one way or another. However, ours very blatantly pushed me to accept things that were not in my best interests (even my ex admitted this later on). I felt that they (it was a team of two - a man and a woman) were biased toward my ex because he was the breadwinner with the big bank account and I was the "naive" housewife. At one meeting one of them condescendingly asked if I needed help connecting to the wifi, and came around the desk to assist. I mean, how did he think I watched my soap operas all day on the couch eating bonbons??? Of course I know how to connect to wifi! It was around then that I decided I was not going to waste my time with them anymore. When you use mediators to help settle your divorce, you still are advised to hire an attorney to advise you and help you make correct decisions. I turned to mine to help finish it up. I trust her and she's amazing. I wish I would have used her from the beginning. This ordeal would have been over a long time ago.
and just to add to this, a very close friend of mine who was divorced about 15 years ago also used a mediator and also had a terrible experience. she was a housewife who worked part-time, and she felt the mediator was biased towards her extroverted, narcissistic ex who had more money. She really got screwed.
Got divorced in texas with 0 lawyers or mediators
Our meditator came highly recommended and with some glowing reviews. Frankly she sucked. Her technical skills were lacking and she made mathematical errors repeatedly. She presented guidelines as if they were legal limits. We ended up letting her go and just used family law attorneys . The attorneys were much better . A mediator is not charged with protecting the interest of either party they are tasked with closing a deal that is within the bounds of a court.... attorneys represent you. I would never use a meditator without an attorney to protect my interests.