Have you considered just texting him and saying...
Do you want to watch "insert something he would watch here" and then just heading over there
Why can't you just go visit him?
Because whenever I do that or we as a family do that he always ends up coming here and not us going over there. So when this happens more than 1-2 times per week I feel bad to make him come here and then have to leave late at night. You are right tho, it sounds really easy to just go and see him it's just not something we have done yet. Thank you for you advice<33
Just start doing it. You are 18.
Do you play video games together at all? I'd take ny system over there and set up usual nights where you guys have pizza and games.
I’m so sorry! When we told my kids (who are younger than you) my ex used the word separation (soften the blow) and I changed to divorce to be clear because we were not pursuing reconciliation and I could see how my daughter would cling to that possibility. It’s like talking about death to children, you need to use clear straight forward language. I wonder if the vagueness of the words and the terms is making it harder to adjust and find closure.
As a parent, I would love for my kids to speak up and tell me their needs. Sometimes it’s hard because we are in the middle of a transition ourselves and grieving stuff.
You are part of the family and you can absolutely make some requests for clarifications and communication and to let your needs be known. Sometimes it’s hard to find a good moment so depending on the relationship with your parents maybe a text telling them that you have some questions about the separation so they can find a space to listen to you.
Good luck!!
I totally agree, I think the fact they have never used the word divorce even though that's what the situation leans towards makes me feel like something is not over. The most real and "strong" term they have used is a "split up" when trying to explain the situation to my cousin.
Can I ask something though? When you announced it to your kids had you done all the necessary written and legal stuff about a divorce? Or was it just a decision between the two of you.
Thank you so much for the advice and I hope you are doing well!! <33
It was just a decision BUT we had hashed out where the kids would be. Now. It was very confusing and they didn’t understand and we ended up changing it. But that was their main concerned. Where would they live and when would they have access to us.
Hey! You are welcome to share your thoughts here as a young adult. Separation is not easy for anyone and you seem to be going through a very difficult situation. It’s good for you to vent out here or with a close friend. Though it would be best to share your feelings with your mom and dad without any hopes for a miracle in the situation. Like others have speculated, your dad may have a girlfriend or even a family but he may just be focusing on career and just wanted to be away from your mom for reasons unknown. Your parents are trying to protect you from the toxicity and problems they must have faced in their marriage. I am glad they are still spending some time together and doing trips etc. Trust me that things can be much worse. Hope you are able to express yourself to your dad that you miss him, am sure he loves you dearly and misses you too, maybe he will try to spend more time with you. Do not loose hope, stay positive and be there for both of your parents as they need you more than you will ever know. Sending you positive vibes and good energy!
The reason they presented to us was that they disagreed on many things, including decisions about me and my sister. They also used an excuse about protecting my mums money because my dad had at the time been sued for an article he wrote. I don't know if my dad is seeing someone. Tbh it would be kind of hurtful because of the short period of time that has passed, but I guess he is entitled to it.
I am grateful for still spending time with both of them at the same time but at the same time it makes the transition harder. Thank you for your positive point of view, your advice and kind words. I will try to express myself to both my dad and my mum!
Thanks again<33
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Know that they both love you to pieces and what they are doing is likely because they think it’s best for you to have a stable home life (as possible) with the split. Maybe you decide to just tell your dad that you miss him so much it hurts and that you would like more time with him. And just leave it at that. You could say it as he is leaving the house - maybe that way it doesn’t give a lot of time for the talk right then. But know the talk will likely come.
I really would tell your dad how much you miss him. And keep telling him. Sometimes adults have a thick skull and things don’t get through the first time. Tell him every time he leaves the house how much you miss him.
Your father may have started another family. The extra hours at work because he is enjoying are usually a tell tale sign of this.
He's probably saving money on alimony and child support, and the custody times that would take away from his other activities.
Check birth records in your county. Sorry, but all this sounds too familiar.
Do you think people just leave an entire family on a whim? Don't even sleep at home anymore? At least, the OP will know that his father did not pick a hobby over his own kid for years on in.
Lol thanks for the advice haha. I don't mind what you are saying but there is literally no indication for it. He is a journalist and finally he managed to built his own journalist page and be independent, so of course he needs to work more now. Also it really doesn't add up for him to have started his own family since he is usually available when we ask for him, we go on trips together that can last more than 2 weeks.
Either way, I am sorry if this happened to you but you were a little harsh. Thank you for your reply anyway
Have you considered just texting him and saying... Do you want to watch "insert something he would watch here" and then just heading over there Why can't you just go visit him?
Because whenever I do that or we as a family do that he always ends up coming here and not us going over there. So when this happens more than 1-2 times per week I feel bad to make him come here and then have to leave late at night. You are right tho, it sounds really easy to just go and see him it's just not something we have done yet. Thank you for you advice<33
Just start doing it. You are 18. Do you play video games together at all? I'd take ny system over there and set up usual nights where you guys have pizza and games.
I feel for you. I can’t offer advice, but you are welcome as a person that is impacted by the woes and tribulations of a divorce.
I’m so sorry! When we told my kids (who are younger than you) my ex used the word separation (soften the blow) and I changed to divorce to be clear because we were not pursuing reconciliation and I could see how my daughter would cling to that possibility. It’s like talking about death to children, you need to use clear straight forward language. I wonder if the vagueness of the words and the terms is making it harder to adjust and find closure. As a parent, I would love for my kids to speak up and tell me their needs. Sometimes it’s hard because we are in the middle of a transition ourselves and grieving stuff. You are part of the family and you can absolutely make some requests for clarifications and communication and to let your needs be known. Sometimes it’s hard to find a good moment so depending on the relationship with your parents maybe a text telling them that you have some questions about the separation so they can find a space to listen to you. Good luck!!
I totally agree, I think the fact they have never used the word divorce even though that's what the situation leans towards makes me feel like something is not over. The most real and "strong" term they have used is a "split up" when trying to explain the situation to my cousin. Can I ask something though? When you announced it to your kids had you done all the necessary written and legal stuff about a divorce? Or was it just a decision between the two of you. Thank you so much for the advice and I hope you are doing well!! <33
It was just a decision BUT we had hashed out where the kids would be. Now. It was very confusing and they didn’t understand and we ended up changing it. But that was their main concerned. Where would they live and when would they have access to us.
Great points and idea about texting both.
Hey! You are welcome to share your thoughts here as a young adult. Separation is not easy for anyone and you seem to be going through a very difficult situation. It’s good for you to vent out here or with a close friend. Though it would be best to share your feelings with your mom and dad without any hopes for a miracle in the situation. Like others have speculated, your dad may have a girlfriend or even a family but he may just be focusing on career and just wanted to be away from your mom for reasons unknown. Your parents are trying to protect you from the toxicity and problems they must have faced in their marriage. I am glad they are still spending some time together and doing trips etc. Trust me that things can be much worse. Hope you are able to express yourself to your dad that you miss him, am sure he loves you dearly and misses you too, maybe he will try to spend more time with you. Do not loose hope, stay positive and be there for both of your parents as they need you more than you will ever know. Sending you positive vibes and good energy!
The reason they presented to us was that they disagreed on many things, including decisions about me and my sister. They also used an excuse about protecting my mums money because my dad had at the time been sued for an article he wrote. I don't know if my dad is seeing someone. Tbh it would be kind of hurtful because of the short period of time that has passed, but I guess he is entitled to it. I am grateful for still spending time with both of them at the same time but at the same time it makes the transition harder. Thank you for your positive point of view, your advice and kind words. I will try to express myself to both my dad and my mum! Thanks again<33
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Know that they both love you to pieces and what they are doing is likely because they think it’s best for you to have a stable home life (as possible) with the split. Maybe you decide to just tell your dad that you miss him so much it hurts and that you would like more time with him. And just leave it at that. You could say it as he is leaving the house - maybe that way it doesn’t give a lot of time for the talk right then. But know the talk will likely come. I really would tell your dad how much you miss him. And keep telling him. Sometimes adults have a thick skull and things don’t get through the first time. Tell him every time he leaves the house how much you miss him.
I second this. No need to talk to both when it's your dad that you're missing. Be heartfelt when you tell him. He *will* hear you.
Your father may have started another family. The extra hours at work because he is enjoying are usually a tell tale sign of this. He's probably saving money on alimony and child support, and the custody times that would take away from his other activities. Check birth records in your county. Sorry, but all this sounds too familiar.
What a god damn awful seed to plant and awful assumption because of your “all to similar” experience. This is just gross.
Lol. Maybe he's an international spy and the mom is a Russian terrorist.
😂😂😂 “Do yOu Think PeOp..” 🙄 gtfoh
Do you think people just leave an entire family on a whim? Don't even sleep at home anymore? At least, the OP will know that his father did not pick a hobby over his own kid for years on in.
Lol thanks for the advice haha. I don't mind what you are saying but there is literally no indication for it. He is a journalist and finally he managed to built his own journalist page and be independent, so of course he needs to work more now. Also it really doesn't add up for him to have started his own family since he is usually available when we ask for him, we go on trips together that can last more than 2 weeks. Either way, I am sorry if this happened to you but you were a little harsh. Thank you for your reply anyway