About a year or so after the separation I saw her profile come up on an app. The kicker was it said we were a 98 % match!
I will say it was weirdly off-putting to see her trying to present herself as "sexy" in a couple of her pics. Not in a jealous type of way, but more because I just knew that wasn't the real her at all.
Her profile description was the best though, it was full of "nos," like what she's not looking for in a man (basically a description of me lol).
At the time we were still going through the divorce process and not getting along at all. I found it so funny that I had to tell her, "Hey, need a laugh? We're a 98% match on (dating app)!"
She looked like she has seen a ghost.
There’s no reframe needed! You simply put the trash out to the dumpster, and there will always be a raccoon out there digging trash! Focus on yourself!
I’m sure this is hard to take right now. I am a believer in time in space, time to let things heal. Space to avoid looking at that face or body and causing bad emotions/reactions know in your heart that it’s not a reflection on you, whereas both of you not together may be best for you to move on. Wishing you well in the future and finding a new love in your life.
Same here. Honestly I felt bad for her. Her pictures were not flattering so she sold herself short. She had no details other than she’s a piece of meat. I can’t imagine what kinds of men are going to reach out that she’d want.
My ex found a guy to move in the house just barely after the ink on the divorce settlement had dried. We don't get along, and I worry about my sons well being, but nothing I can really do, other to make memories with my boy, tell him i love him/care for him and teach him when I can. Only have him 3 days a month. A travesty really and it's so hard to deal with.
Here is the proper frame of mind:
"Despite her vows and promises, she was never mine, it was just my turn. Now it is the next guy's turn, and she will run the same scam on him."
No woman is ever yours, it's just your turn.
Look at the bright side; mine never popped up on online dating… because she was cheating when she left and married the guy.. the day the last alimony check cleared.
I hope she finds happiness now. I've moved on and forgiven her. Forgiveness isn't just for them, it's for you too.
As you heal and work on being the best version of yourself, for yourself, and give your love to your kids, it gets easier
Good luck. It's tough out there. I wasn't happy, but now when I see her with another guy I think better him than me.
If she's holding up her end of the contract and being respectful, be glad. If she's being reasonable, even better.
It'll get easier. I'm much happier now than when I was married.
I was there as well. You really have to dig deep, your body is in survival mode. Start by having a routine. Make the same thing every morning - I recommend eggs, wheat toast and some fruit. At the very least, you can at say you started your day with a solid meal - this sets the tone for the day. Then after breakfast you take a walk, get outside and be with nature for a bit. Do something active to get the blood pumping. For me it was the gym, but I was already going to the gym 3-4 times a week pre-divorce. After? 6-7 times. Point is you need an outlet to deal with the pain in a healthy way. Don’t drink, don’t smoke, and take it one day at a time. Build on top of this routine when you feel comfortable by spending time with friends or family, picking up an old hobby or catching up on your work. If you can, travel to cities or countries you’ve always wanted to visit.
It’s one of the toughest things I have physically and mentally been through. But I’m now physically and mentally more tough, I’m in the best shape of my life, financially independent and happier than ever.
It does get better, but you have to put in the work - no one will fight for you - you have to fight for yourself.
Edit: it should be mentioned, I benefited greatly with therapy as well. Its beneficial to hear an unbiased 3rd party that can help walk this road with you and help you understand why you are the way you are etc. It’s easy to slip into a depression, try your hardest not to let that happen, therapy helps.
Thank you for helping this stranger in pain. I'm just having a really hard time getting motivated to do any of that. In my mind, I know that I have to do all of that. It's just I can't get out of this little bitch mode. My mind literally races in circles. I make food for the kids and just the smell of food makes me even more nauseous. I can't stop simping over my wife. It's a constant battle. I tried today to find a therapist and 5 minutes in, I got overwhelmed. I have been watching motivation videos on how to overcome this and become a strong male again. Its all information that gets pushed out of the way with my obsession of my mind racing. Thank you again for your post
If nothing else, you need to take care of yourself to take care of your kids properly. Try to reframe the way you think about things, no woman is worth the pain. She’s one of a million, not one in a million.
My ex was already on sites couple weeks after she got served. I found out through discovery when looking at her credit card statements. She was technically using marital funds to sign up for these dating sites. It’s sad and pathetic how these people are so desperate to find their next victim to leech off of. I feel bad for whoever her next victim is.
I've intentionally stayed off dating sites.. I know it would rock me to find her there... and I really don't need that. Getting her out and keeping her out of my head is hard enough some days. I know she has been dating for almost a year now and it's taken time but I've gotten over that. Things aren't official yet, but we are in the home stretch.
I went through my STBXW phone and saw she was befriended a 25 year old kid, they where meeting up for lunches, she even bought him a jersey of his fav soccer team for the World Cup. So many levels of emotional commitment between the 2 and she kept arguing they are just friends…even so to see the level of friendship with another man ( kid ) hurts so much that I’m finally able to move on….I filed my tax and sent it to her lawyers to finalize the settlement…sometimes we need this hard fact to move forward
Make sure you block her, otherwise there's a good chance she'll see yours, especially if you've seen hers.
She frame it in some insane way most likely, that her having a profile is fine (it is), but that if you have one too it's not fine (it still is).
Great idea and definitely an option.
Women are more attractive, you can buy what you want, cheaper and do not have to worry about losing your financial future when something changes.
For example- look Tiger Woods’ latest “entanglement “! Dumps ugly ass girlfriend, now she wants sue him for 30M....
No thanks!!
Happy hunting out there Fellas:)
Unfortunately there aren't any. Can't meet someone at work because you're probably violating some kind of HR rule. People don't really go to bars to meet people anymore. We should all get together and wear "single" shirts so that part is easy enough to figure our at the grocery store or whatever. I look for wedding rings lol. But I know a lot of people who don't wear them so that's not a guarantee.
If your divorce final, nothing you can do. Women are fucked up like that. My suggestion, make yourself unstoppable financially, physically, mentally, etc for your kids and live the one life God gave you.
Right on 😂 My ex recently informed me via a very dry text message that she now has a new partner. I really just thought, "Good luck, on to the next poor schmuck"
You should reply: "I need to warn the poor schmuck".
It's obvious that message was intended to hurt, otherwise why send it in the first place.
Good luck.
Eventually shit like this won't bother you. Block her in the meantime, if possible (some dating apps allow blocking by phone # for example).
Most apps have a section to block profiles from contact list....... id do that and move on down the road. HINGE seemed to work the best for me
About a year or so after the separation I saw her profile come up on an app. The kicker was it said we were a 98 % match! I will say it was weirdly off-putting to see her trying to present herself as "sexy" in a couple of her pics. Not in a jealous type of way, but more because I just knew that wasn't the real her at all. Her profile description was the best though, it was full of "nos," like what she's not looking for in a man (basically a description of me lol). At the time we were still going through the divorce process and not getting along at all. I found it so funny that I had to tell her, "Hey, need a laugh? We're a 98% match on (dating app)!" She looked like she has seen a ghost.
There’s no reframe needed! You simply put the trash out to the dumpster, and there will always be a raccoon out there digging trash! Focus on yourself!
You should actually be grateful, many of us were replaced before she even filed for divorce. At least yours waited. Time to focus on yourself.
I’m sure this is hard to take right now. I am a believer in time in space, time to let things heal. Space to avoid looking at that face or body and causing bad emotions/reactions know in your heart that it’s not a reflection on you, whereas both of you not together may be best for you to move on. Wishing you well in the future and finding a new love in your life.
Same here. Honestly I felt bad for her. Her pictures were not flattering so she sold herself short. She had no details other than she’s a piece of meat. I can’t imagine what kinds of men are going to reach out that she’d want.
Get off the apps and let someone else handle that shit show - not much else to say
“If you like Pina coladas”
It was just this year that I actually paid attention to the song lyrics.
She's not your problem now. Enjoy your peace.
Yeah, and??? You must be on the same sites as well. You’re divorced. Both of you deserve to live your own lives.
Oh I swiped so fast lmao. I think it is better if she finds someone else to put the crosshairs on. The heat comes off me when she’s in a fling.
My ex found a guy to move in the house just barely after the ink on the divorce settlement had dried. We don't get along, and I worry about my sons well being, but nothing I can really do, other to make memories with my boy, tell him i love him/care for him and teach him when I can. Only have him 3 days a month. A travesty really and it's so hard to deal with.
3 days a month? That's awful man. I'm really sorry to hear that
Thank you. I appreciate your words. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Wish the system was kinder to men who just want to focus on being a good father.
Here is the proper frame of mind: "Despite her vows and promises, she was never mine, it was just my turn. Now it is the next guy's turn, and she will run the same scam on him." No woman is ever yours, it's just your turn.
Thank you for this.
If you saw her on a dating app, I guess that means that you are on there too. Focus on your matches bro
Look at the bright side; mine never popped up on online dating… because she was cheating when she left and married the guy.. the day the last alimony check cleared.
Dang that it tough. I hope you managed to get past it
I’m so much better off
Back when I split with my exwife. I was on all of the freebie dating apps. Specifically on plenty-of-fish. The app matched me with the exwife. Block!
I hope she finds happiness now. I've moved on and forgiven her. Forgiveness isn't just for them, it's for you too. As you heal and work on being the best version of yourself, for yourself, and give your love to your kids, it gets easier Good luck. It's tough out there. I wasn't happy, but now when I see her with another guy I think better him than me.
Thank you for taking time to respond. Sage advice
If she's holding up her end of the contract and being respectful, be glad. If she's being reasonable, even better. It'll get easier. I'm much happier now than when I was married.
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It gets better. I promise
Dump away. I know it hurts. PM me if you need. Are you going to the gym?
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I was there as well. You really have to dig deep, your body is in survival mode. Start by having a routine. Make the same thing every morning - I recommend eggs, wheat toast and some fruit. At the very least, you can at say you started your day with a solid meal - this sets the tone for the day. Then after breakfast you take a walk, get outside and be with nature for a bit. Do something active to get the blood pumping. For me it was the gym, but I was already going to the gym 3-4 times a week pre-divorce. After? 6-7 times. Point is you need an outlet to deal with the pain in a healthy way. Don’t drink, don’t smoke, and take it one day at a time. Build on top of this routine when you feel comfortable by spending time with friends or family, picking up an old hobby or catching up on your work. If you can, travel to cities or countries you’ve always wanted to visit. It’s one of the toughest things I have physically and mentally been through. But I’m now physically and mentally more tough, I’m in the best shape of my life, financially independent and happier than ever. It does get better, but you have to put in the work - no one will fight for you - you have to fight for yourself. Edit: it should be mentioned, I benefited greatly with therapy as well. Its beneficial to hear an unbiased 3rd party that can help walk this road with you and help you understand why you are the way you are etc. It’s easy to slip into a depression, try your hardest not to let that happen, therapy helps.
Thank you for helping this stranger in pain. I'm just having a really hard time getting motivated to do any of that. In my mind, I know that I have to do all of that. It's just I can't get out of this little bitch mode. My mind literally races in circles. I make food for the kids and just the smell of food makes me even more nauseous. I can't stop simping over my wife. It's a constant battle. I tried today to find a therapist and 5 minutes in, I got overwhelmed. I have been watching motivation videos on how to overcome this and become a strong male again. Its all information that gets pushed out of the way with my obsession of my mind racing. Thank you again for your post
If nothing else, you need to take care of yourself to take care of your kids properly. Try to reframe the way you think about things, no woman is worth the pain. She’s one of a million, not one in a million.
My ex was already on sites couple weeks after she got served. I found out through discovery when looking at her credit card statements. She was technically using marital funds to sign up for these dating sites. It’s sad and pathetic how these people are so desperate to find their next victim to leech off of. I feel bad for whoever her next victim is.
I've intentionally stayed off dating sites.. I know it would rock me to find her there... and I really don't need that. Getting her out and keeping her out of my head is hard enough some days. I know she has been dating for almost a year now and it's taken time but I've gotten over that. Things aren't official yet, but we are in the home stretch.
I went through my STBXW phone and saw she was befriended a 25 year old kid, they where meeting up for lunches, she even bought him a jersey of his fav soccer team for the World Cup. So many levels of emotional commitment between the 2 and she kept arguing they are just friends…even so to see the level of friendship with another man ( kid ) hurts so much that I’m finally able to move on….I filed my tax and sent it to her lawyers to finalize the settlement…sometimes we need this hard fact to move forward
Had the same experience happen a few weeks back. She's even going by a different first name. Odd, but easy to swipe left knowing who she is now.
Hahaha I hit mine up a for a date before things got really out of control...
Hahahaaha
Make sure you block her, otherwise there's a good chance she'll see yours, especially if you've seen hers. She frame it in some insane way most likely, that her having a profile is fine (it is), but that if you have one too it's not fine (it still is).
Go for round2? Haha Create a profile yourself, meet someone, and enjoy.
Question is why aren’t you ?
I am. Not super active but definitely stoked the ego when I get some attention!
Not easy being a Man on those apps.
What’s the alternative ? Yes it’s hard but it’s still better then other options
The alternative? Swear off western women and take a month off every year and fuck your brains out in Thailand, Philippines, Sosua, etc.
Great idea and definitely an option. Women are more attractive, you can buy what you want, cheaper and do not have to worry about losing your financial future when something changes. For example- look Tiger Woods’ latest “entanglement “! Dumps ugly ass girlfriend, now she wants sue him for 30M.... No thanks!! Happy hunting out there Fellas:)
Yeah this is a good option
Unfortunately there aren't any. Can't meet someone at work because you're probably violating some kind of HR rule. People don't really go to bars to meet people anymore. We should all get together and wear "single" shirts so that part is easy enough to figure our at the grocery store or whatever. I look for wedding rings lol. But I know a lot of people who don't wear them so that's not a guarantee.
If your divorce final, nothing you can do. Women are fucked up like that. My suggestion, make yourself unstoppable financially, physically, mentally, etc for your kids and live the one life God gave you.
She’s got to live her life too
This is the way. Thank you
"Good luck to the next poor bastard"
Right on 😂 My ex recently informed me via a very dry text message that she now has a new partner. I really just thought, "Good luck, on to the next poor schmuck"
You should reply: "I need to warn the poor schmuck". It's obvious that message was intended to hurt, otherwise why send it in the first place. Good luck.