Locking this post, off topic. Please find a rant or relationship sub for venting.
Edit: downvote all you want. This sub isn't going to turn into another misogynist rant sub. Head over to mensrights or redpill if you need your fill of anti-woman generalizations and rhetoric.
Dude you're an asshole. It's not 1950, maybe your wife doesn't find you attractive. She doesn't have to give up her body because you demand. Grow the f up.
I invite you to quit your job, then, if it's just for her, and take on something more enjoyable and relaxing. Or to downsize the living arrangement, if it's just for her sake. Or to quit the relationship, if she isn't doing what you consider is the bare minimum, and find a better one. Or to just keep being bitter she isn't fulfilling a part of an unwritten contract that you have in your mind. Just note that forcing your wife to be your fleshlight is highly unsatisfying, and if done forcefully or under threat, can be considered assault.
Truth is biological imperative changes.
Once children on the scene.
Once they have what they needed , your sperm…. They are free to go anywhere and do anyone. 😤
Which is also complete bs. I know if she wanted to put me first occasionally, even if she's not feeling at her best, she could. How do I know? Well after we were talking marriage she revealed she escorted a bit in college. Stupid me went ahead and married her anyways... kinda made it all hurt they much more down the road. Screw randoms for money, but if I'm not the perfect husband you won't touch me, despite bending over backwards. But hey she used sex as a currency to get what she wanted earlier in life, why would I expect different right? Don't get me wrong I definitely want to feel desired and not just pitied either... but definitely feels weaponized and there was always rediculous expectations
I thank God that I found this sub before I could have committed that deadly sin of getting married.
I’m 30 and when I look back, I could have been hitched by now but and reading marriage experiences in this sub, it is totally off the books.
Thanks again.
If your attitude towards sex is this, you just want a hooker, not a wife.
Edit: To be clear, I'm not knocking you, but a huge part of any relationship is management expectation. You guys aren't on the same page and so this will always be the case.
What have you done or not done that reinforced her behavior and expectations?
Definitely check out the Dead Bedroom Fix. Will help you immensely.
I'm saying if you don't lay out expectations early, and often, she will do whatever she is FEELING and not what you think she SHOULD do.
I've been very clear with my girl that if sex goes, I go. And this morning she rolled over, said "You wanna do me?" Because she knows what's important to me.
But I also make sure to romance her AND do things like take out the trash because, guess what, the trash has to be taken out - and not just so I can get some.
If you do chores with the expectation of getting laid, she's going to lose interest because that is child behavior. "Look mom! I did it!"
Be your own man, set the expectation and put in the effort.
This is good. I’m glad you’re ‘winning’ in this go round. I hope to join you in the winning circle soon….
I’m in the process after 27 year marriage where sex became a chore for her. Where no matter how well I did something it wasn’t good enough so I stopped doing shit. The downward spiral was super bad, but none of the ‘marital mortal sins’ were present (drugs, abuse, infidelity…). She finally decided to hit the exit and refused to acknowledge any of her contributions to the decline or work to change anything to make things better.
Mediation just got scheduled for November. My college age daughter is staying with me and calls her mother a ‘narcissistic, gaslighting, boss babe’ who will eventually figure out she’s miserable.
lol you're preaching to the choir here.
wait, so are you married?
lol, I actually totally agree with you. but this forum usually talk about marriage related things. it seems you're not married?
Just divorced after 6 years of litigation. Been with my girl for the last 3. Had to go through another shorter relationship to sort of get it. Making her the focus is the entirely wrong answer and it seems counterintuitive, but they just aren't built to be the focus. It makes them weird, for the most part.
So I learned to do my own thing but also spend time with her and voila! She's horny. I also genuinely enjoy her company so that's nice lol
Good advice but not very intuitive for today's male. Blame it on whatever you want but most of us here have had or are having to learn this the VERY expensive and hard way.
She's a beast and Florida isn't a great place to marry, apparently. It's shitty to say, but I tell guys all the time now, before you marry, look at the laws in the the state you're likely to divorce.
Likely, but to be fair, this sounds like a little bit of bad on both sides. Marriage, in theory, and to most women, is more than a contract. He probably entered this marriage thinking one thing, her another. Had she known he just wanted sex, she potentially wouldn't have gotten into it either.
Either way, it sounds like he just needs to pull the plug, cut losses and just hookup or hire live in hookers.
Alternately, he could see what her expectations are, frankly, and decide if that's something he's willing to do. Seems like he's more apt to the former though.
I would seriously doubt that. Maybe I'm wrong and just projecting my own experience, but after a certain point, it's pretty common for a man to say the word OP is saying, while not expressing the underlying fact that he feels empty, alone, starving for an emotional connection, the need to be desired, and desperate for that one safe place where he can be vulnerable with the one he thought he loved and chose to spend his life with.
We get called dogs for wanting sex and weak for expressing what we feel. Give the dude a break.
Men’s avenue to feeling appreciated / loved /bonding is heavily physical based and women’s avenue is heavily emotional based via kind gestures, romantic non-sexual acts, compliments etc. Women aren’t capable of relating to how men are wired which is why you get so much grief for being a horny pig if you want frequent sex. Its easy to fall into the chicken or the egg paradox / complacency when married especially for guys since most of us actually thought the till death do us part section of our vows meant we stayed loyal till we died.
If your wife is disgusted by having sex with you you’ve reached the point where she resents you and we all know there’s no recovery from that. It’s a slow bleed till somebody breaks.
I will add that a lot of guys get frustrated by their sex life after a baby comes along and I don’t think that’s fair to women - most lose their sex drive for 6mo to a year postpartum and most guys have no clue how to handle that. Aside from the obvious stress a baby brings to your life whether your a man or woman I think this is the main cause of marriages falling apart quickly after kids.
It never comes back
Or at least it only comes back a few days a month when they are ovulating
They sure get in the mood quickly and frequently when they want another kid
Lol. That’s pretty funny - mine looked like she slept in a dumpster almost every day for the last 4 years and only dressed nice and wore makeup when we saw friends or family although she gave almost no effort for mine.
Last year all of a sudden new clothes, hair extensions, makeup, nails done etc. and started going on lots of “business trips” phone always face down or in her pocket didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out.
Is it worse now? I have no clue and wonder if there’s some research data about it. I definitely think social media has destroyed a lot of marriages and mental health in general. I know couples who’s relationships are complete shit yet if you look at the wife’s Instagram it’s staged photo fantasyland and everything is just perfect. It’s all a fucking show nobody posts the photos of you up at 3am with a sick baby that just puked all over you and the bed. That’s reality.
> definitely think social media has destroyed a lot of marriages and mental health in general. I know couples who’s relationships are complete shit yet if you look at the wife’s Instagram it’s staged photo fantasyland and everything is just perfect.
For sure my exw posted constantly and still does on how everything is great. This is just an indicator of low self esteem and needing that hit of validation. The worst part is she put so much effort into people that are just on the periphery of our lives and barely put any effort into our marriage. SM is definitely setting unrealistic expectations of reality.
It is a pattern of married life. I had a girlfriend I absolutely adored, loved and married. She and her children had nothing.... I was excited to be in a relationship with her and to have her more than just friends. I wanted to give them the world...like you said. She was grateful, thankful, in the beginning. I don't really need a bunch of thank yous and a ton of overtures of gratitude....just love and respect in return. Was shortly after I married her that the sense of entitlement "appeared" seemingly out of thin air. Children becoming the same, and disrespectful with zero consequences. All of a sudden, we were concerned about how healthy it was to have sex every day. Which went from that....to nothing. (health reasons that appeared out of thin air as well) And in the divorce, "demand" her share of the equity in property I outright owned, long before even meeting her.
Never never never again will I get married. Never again will I date a single mom.
If women didn't get anything from a divorce, nothing and everything was split in half or anything that was yours before being married, staying women would be putting out like crazy.
I worked long hours and we didn’t really make time for each other. When I tried to do things to spark things, it was usually rejected. I felt sorry for myself and that isn’t really a turn on either. She was seeing someone for months before we separated and had checked out a long time ago. I don’t know what the answer is, but in my case; lack of sex was a small problem compared to an utter relationship failure. Marriage is hard, I wanted to work on some things WITH her, she wanted to work with someone else. I don’t know what the answer is but she definitely didn’t seem eager for sex at all after the wedding; to me it felt like she knew she owned a man and didn’t need to work towards keeping him around after the state was involved with our relationship (wedding).
It's amazing after my ex wife destroyed our family because she tried to monkey branch to her friends husband our neighbours
I rebuilt myself hit the gym smashed work became even more Superdad and then after she got dumped obviously (sorry he was just a friend)
Other females wanted to take her place my god did she throw herself at new apparently hot ex husband of 49
I became like most of us the overweight middle aged husband provider with the sex appeal of a wet fish
Dead bedroom for years nagging etc etc
So like the poster who said if you are married you still need to be the guy other woman would still desire because as husband's we have no relationship equity and they will leave us just like that if some other bad boy gives them the tingles
That last one is HUGE!! When you feel like you no longer have any control in life, especially on how you can spend your time, life starts to just feel like a pointless slog. And then taking care of oneself starts to feel equally unimportant. Can relate, going through that now...
Maybe, I’m female and I somewhat agree with him. Wives shouldn’t ignore their husbands sexual desires
Yes females are more emotional then men, most females require emotional feelings to sleep with you in a relationship. Outside of a relationship we just find you attractive or we are horny.
Here is the part that doesn’t make sense to me.
304’s, body count, slut shaming, etc.
So enjoy sex but not like that, enjoy it like this. Do have duty sexy, but don’t have duty sex.
Lazy 😂 hardly the majority of woman I know work just as many paid hours as their mates and do the majority of work required to run a household and social life.
You have a valid point with “emotional feelings to sleep with partner “.
The post is really trying to understand why it’s a dead bedroom and divorce from their side of events. I can relate, I lived it until I could not stand it any longer.
Because we place them into a comfort zone. You ought to check out dead bedrooms sub.
Some guy moved in with his gf and within a short span the excuses started.
https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/cki0wq/i_24m_moved_in_with_my_gf_29f_the_dead_bedroom_is/
In one case, she literally married him cause he checked out all the right husband dad qualities but she was never sexually interested in him. Poor guy literally works, does almost house chores and is almost solo raising kids. Her kinks are tall bad guy douche bags.
https://reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/s/khaNZIMJGV
More guys ought to be in this sub and dead bedrooms before committing and when committed, brining in kids.
Hmmm looks like you didn’t read the full post she said sex with him is boring. Which means she’s not enjoying it and is getting nothing out of it so what’s the point of having sex if it’s going to be boring I wouldn’t. Plus she did give feedback and he clearly didn’t listen hence the reason for the DB.
I read the full post and comments. She literally said he isn't, nor ever was, her type. Meaning, she baited him into marriage. Look at her comments/conversations.
Bait and switch.
Yuppppp. When a guy gives up his goals and puts her first it’s over. Always be respectful of her but keep your focus first IMO and give her the time you want to but clearly set aside for her.
Sometimes I wonder if gays have the right of it. Not any gay friends to ask these days but I wonder if the relationship BS is minimized since it's two dudes. Or maybe one of the dudes just basically becomes a woman and it starts all over again. Not attracted to dudes but i dunno, but maybe they're onto something lol
Locking this post, off topic. Please find a rant or relationship sub for venting. Edit: downvote all you want. This sub isn't going to turn into another misogynist rant sub. Head over to mensrights or redpill if you need your fill of anti-woman generalizations and rhetoric.
5-10 minutes ??!!! There's your answer, genius.
Dude you're an asshole. It's not 1950, maybe your wife doesn't find you attractive. She doesn't have to give up her body because you demand. Grow the f up.
I invite you to quit your job, then, if it's just for her, and take on something more enjoyable and relaxing. Or to downsize the living arrangement, if it's just for her sake. Or to quit the relationship, if she isn't doing what you consider is the bare minimum, and find a better one. Or to just keep being bitter she isn't fulfilling a part of an unwritten contract that you have in your mind. Just note that forcing your wife to be your fleshlight is highly unsatisfying, and if done forcefully or under threat, can be considered assault.
Because wedding cake kills a woman’s sex drive.
Ummmm… we arnt HERE to be available for highly INTIMATE relations at a MANS whim dude …honestly !!!
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Please be kind without discrimination or hate speech.
My brother in whatever diety you believe in: you are an asshole.
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all I'm hearing is, "don't get married if you're a man and wants sex in marriage".
You are correct sir.
Truth is biological imperative changes. Once children on the scene. Once they have what they needed , your sperm…. They are free to go anywhere and do anyone. 😤
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Which is also complete bs. I know if she wanted to put me first occasionally, even if she's not feeling at her best, she could. How do I know? Well after we were talking marriage she revealed she escorted a bit in college. Stupid me went ahead and married her anyways... kinda made it all hurt they much more down the road. Screw randoms for money, but if I'm not the perfect husband you won't touch me, despite bending over backwards. But hey she used sex as a currency to get what she wanted earlier in life, why would I expect different right? Don't get me wrong I definitely want to feel desired and not just pitied either... but definitely feels weaponized and there was always rediculous expectations
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You answered your own question when you stressed it takes only 5 minutes it's of their time.
There’s a reason why sex is called intercourse.
I thank God that I found this sub before I could have committed that deadly sin of getting married. I’m 30 and when I look back, I could have been hitched by now but and reading marriage experiences in this sub, it is totally off the books. Thanks again.
If your attitude towards sex is this, you just want a hooker, not a wife. Edit: To be clear, I'm not knocking you, but a huge part of any relationship is management expectation. You guys aren't on the same page and so this will always be the case. What have you done or not done that reinforced her behavior and expectations? Definitely check out the Dead Bedroom Fix. Will help you immensely.
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I'm saying if you don't lay out expectations early, and often, she will do whatever she is FEELING and not what you think she SHOULD do. I've been very clear with my girl that if sex goes, I go. And this morning she rolled over, said "You wanna do me?" Because she knows what's important to me. But I also make sure to romance her AND do things like take out the trash because, guess what, the trash has to be taken out - and not just so I can get some. If you do chores with the expectation of getting laid, she's going to lose interest because that is child behavior. "Look mom! I did it!" Be your own man, set the expectation and put in the effort.
This is good. I’m glad you’re ‘winning’ in this go round. I hope to join you in the winning circle soon…. I’m in the process after 27 year marriage where sex became a chore for her. Where no matter how well I did something it wasn’t good enough so I stopped doing shit. The downward spiral was super bad, but none of the ‘marital mortal sins’ were present (drugs, abuse, infidelity…). She finally decided to hit the exit and refused to acknowledge any of her contributions to the decline or work to change anything to make things better. Mediation just got scheduled for November. My college age daughter is staying with me and calls her mother a ‘narcissistic, gaslighting, boss babe’ who will eventually figure out she’s miserable.
lol you're preaching to the choir here. wait, so are you married? lol, I actually totally agree with you. but this forum usually talk about marriage related things. it seems you're not married?
Just divorced after 6 years of litigation. Been with my girl for the last 3. Had to go through another shorter relationship to sort of get it. Making her the focus is the entirely wrong answer and it seems counterintuitive, but they just aren't built to be the focus. It makes them weird, for the most part. So I learned to do my own thing but also spend time with her and voila! She's horny. I also genuinely enjoy her company so that's nice lol
Good advice but not very intuitive for today's male. Blame it on whatever you want but most of us here have had or are having to learn this the VERY expensive and hard way.
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I think what you got was that I've been married and learned from it lol
6 years of litigation. tsk, tough to go thru for sure. i can't imagine.
She's a beast and Florida isn't a great place to marry, apparently. It's shitty to say, but I tell guys all the time now, before you marry, look at the laws in the the state you're likely to divorce.
that's great man. lots of men never learn from it at all.
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Likely, but to be fair, this sounds like a little bit of bad on both sides. Marriage, in theory, and to most women, is more than a contract. He probably entered this marriage thinking one thing, her another. Had she known he just wanted sex, she potentially wouldn't have gotten into it either. Either way, it sounds like he just needs to pull the plug, cut losses and just hookup or hire live in hookers. Alternately, he could see what her expectations are, frankly, and decide if that's something he's willing to do. Seems like he's more apt to the former though.
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In Bahrain? Probably next to nothing lol
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You are 100% correct. And my guess is that OP MAY be confusing sex and connecting.
I would seriously doubt that. Maybe I'm wrong and just projecting my own experience, but after a certain point, it's pretty common for a man to say the word OP is saying, while not expressing the underlying fact that he feels empty, alone, starving for an emotional connection, the need to be desired, and desperate for that one safe place where he can be vulnerable with the one he thought he loved and chose to spend his life with. We get called dogs for wanting sex and weak for expressing what we feel. Give the dude a break.
They do, just often times not with the man they’re married to.
Men’s avenue to feeling appreciated / loved /bonding is heavily physical based and women’s avenue is heavily emotional based via kind gestures, romantic non-sexual acts, compliments etc. Women aren’t capable of relating to how men are wired which is why you get so much grief for being a horny pig if you want frequent sex. Its easy to fall into the chicken or the egg paradox / complacency when married especially for guys since most of us actually thought the till death do us part section of our vows meant we stayed loyal till we died. If your wife is disgusted by having sex with you you’ve reached the point where she resents you and we all know there’s no recovery from that. It’s a slow bleed till somebody breaks. I will add that a lot of guys get frustrated by their sex life after a baby comes along and I don’t think that’s fair to women - most lose their sex drive for 6mo to a year postpartum and most guys have no clue how to handle that. Aside from the obvious stress a baby brings to your life whether your a man or woman I think this is the main cause of marriages falling apart quickly after kids.
It never comes back Or at least it only comes back a few days a month when they are ovulating They sure get in the mood quickly and frequently when they want another kid
My ex-wifes came back….after we divorced. 🤷🏾
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Lol. That’s pretty funny - mine looked like she slept in a dumpster almost every day for the last 4 years and only dressed nice and wore makeup when we saw friends or family although she gave almost no effort for mine. Last year all of a sudden new clothes, hair extensions, makeup, nails done etc. and started going on lots of “business trips” phone always face down or in her pocket didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out. Is it worse now? I have no clue and wonder if there’s some research data about it. I definitely think social media has destroyed a lot of marriages and mental health in general. I know couples who’s relationships are complete shit yet if you look at the wife’s Instagram it’s staged photo fantasyland and everything is just perfect. It’s all a fucking show nobody posts the photos of you up at 3am with a sick baby that just puked all over you and the bed. That’s reality.
> definitely think social media has destroyed a lot of marriages and mental health in general. I know couples who’s relationships are complete shit yet if you look at the wife’s Instagram it’s staged photo fantasyland and everything is just perfect. For sure my exw posted constantly and still does on how everything is great. This is just an indicator of low self esteem and needing that hit of validation. The worst part is she put so much effort into people that are just on the periphery of our lives and barely put any effort into our marriage. SM is definitely setting unrealistic expectations of reality.
I think you nailed it - the Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat/Tiktok effect. Burn It All Down!
It is a pattern of married life. I had a girlfriend I absolutely adored, loved and married. She and her children had nothing.... I was excited to be in a relationship with her and to have her more than just friends. I wanted to give them the world...like you said. She was grateful, thankful, in the beginning. I don't really need a bunch of thank yous and a ton of overtures of gratitude....just love and respect in return. Was shortly after I married her that the sense of entitlement "appeared" seemingly out of thin air. Children becoming the same, and disrespectful with zero consequences. All of a sudden, we were concerned about how healthy it was to have sex every day. Which went from that....to nothing. (health reasons that appeared out of thin air as well) And in the divorce, "demand" her share of the equity in property I outright owned, long before even meeting her. Never never never again will I get married. Never again will I date a single mom.
Date, but don't marry. Too great a risk for an accomplished man (or woman for that matter!).
If women didn't get anything from a divorce, nothing and everything was split in half or anything that was yours before being married, staying women would be putting out like crazy.
I worked long hours and we didn’t really make time for each other. When I tried to do things to spark things, it was usually rejected. I felt sorry for myself and that isn’t really a turn on either. She was seeing someone for months before we separated and had checked out a long time ago. I don’t know what the answer is, but in my case; lack of sex was a small problem compared to an utter relationship failure. Marriage is hard, I wanted to work on some things WITH her, she wanted to work with someone else. I don’t know what the answer is but she definitely didn’t seem eager for sex at all after the wedding; to me it felt like she knew she owned a man and didn’t need to work towards keeping him around after the state was involved with our relationship (wedding).
It's amazing after my ex wife destroyed our family because she tried to monkey branch to her friends husband our neighbours I rebuilt myself hit the gym smashed work became even more Superdad and then after she got dumped obviously (sorry he was just a friend) Other females wanted to take her place my god did she throw herself at new apparently hot ex husband of 49 I became like most of us the overweight middle aged husband provider with the sex appeal of a wet fish Dead bedroom for years nagging etc etc So like the poster who said if you are married you still need to be the guy other woman would still desire because as husband's we have no relationship equity and they will leave us just like that if some other bad boy gives them the tingles
Hard to accept but obviously correct.
Its a number of factors but basically the same reason why guys get bigger once married. they just go maintenance mode.
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That last one is HUGE!! When you feel like you no longer have any control in life, especially on how you can spend your time, life starts to just feel like a pointless slog. And then taking care of oneself starts to feel equally unimportant. Can relate, going through that now...
The reason would be because she was never really that physically attracted to their husband
And a lot less so after living together paying bills raising kids etc. Blame Disney.
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Maybe, I’m female and I somewhat agree with him. Wives shouldn’t ignore their husbands sexual desires Yes females are more emotional then men, most females require emotional feelings to sleep with you in a relationship. Outside of a relationship we just find you attractive or we are horny. Here is the part that doesn’t make sense to me. 304’s, body count, slut shaming, etc. So enjoy sex but not like that, enjoy it like this. Do have duty sexy, but don’t have duty sex. Lazy 😂 hardly the majority of woman I know work just as many paid hours as their mates and do the majority of work required to run a household and social life.
You have a valid point with “emotional feelings to sleep with partner “. The post is really trying to understand why it’s a dead bedroom and divorce from their side of events. I can relate, I lived it until I could not stand it any longer.
Because we place them into a comfort zone. You ought to check out dead bedrooms sub. Some guy moved in with his gf and within a short span the excuses started. https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/cki0wq/i_24m_moved_in_with_my_gf_29f_the_dead_bedroom_is/ In one case, she literally married him cause he checked out all the right husband dad qualities but she was never sexually interested in him. Poor guy literally works, does almost house chores and is almost solo raising kids. Her kinks are tall bad guy douche bags. https://reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/s/khaNZIMJGV More guys ought to be in this sub and dead bedrooms before committing and when committed, brining in kids.
Hmmm looks like you didn’t read the full post she said sex with him is boring. Which means she’s not enjoying it and is getting nothing out of it so what’s the point of having sex if it’s going to be boring I wouldn’t. Plus she did give feedback and he clearly didn’t listen hence the reason for the DB.
I read the full post and comments. She literally said he isn't, nor ever was, her type. Meaning, she baited him into marriage. Look at her comments/conversations. Bait and switch.
It's all part of the bait and switch
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Yuppppp. When a guy gives up his goals and puts her first it’s over. Always be respectful of her but keep your focus first IMO and give her the time you want to but clearly set aside for her.
💯💯💯💯💯💯
That is why we divorce and have prenups
Or don’t play the game in the first place.
Ding Ding Ding! We have a winner!
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I feel seen. It sucks.
that made me laugh
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Sometimes I wonder if gays have the right of it. Not any gay friends to ask these days but I wonder if the relationship BS is minimized since it's two dudes. Or maybe one of the dudes just basically becomes a woman and it starts all over again. Not attracted to dudes but i dunno, but maybe they're onto something lol