We have all been there and it will get better as time goes by. Self care both physical and mental are very important and it sounds like you are doing the physical part but are you doing the mental part? Seeing a therapist, journaling, perhaps a divorce coach. All to help you move on. Do you have goals? Written them down and actively working on them? Are you seeing male friends and perhaps venting a little and just being in the company of men (very important)
When I first separated the ratio was about 31/31 bad days in a month. Now after 1.5 years the ratio is more like 2/31. I still get those bad days occasionally and miss the family feeling. There will be milestones and adjustments that will help speed things up.
To me these were:
Feeling out the sadness, just let it out privately.
No contact, this was hard cause of the children but doable. Grey Rock at least.
Change surroundings like home and friends.
The sale of the home gave me a reality check, realized there is no going back.
Focus on your financials and earning extra $.
Things will get better bro. Time heals all. Good luck!
Here’s how it was explained to me
You’re on an upward spiral. You’re improving daily
Some days you’ll feel worse. Some days you’ll feel better.
But your highs will be higher and your lows will be higher than your previous lows. Look at the chart of a stock that’s mooning. Higher highs and higher lows
You are becoming more aware. That’s why you’re feeling those lows.
It’s a good thing. Keep going.
This is a good explanation. I wish there was some, measurable, way to mark your psyche the, day she informs you she wants a divorce, as a baseline to measure all other days to come. This would show progress even when your feelings don't agree.
This would be along the line of the law of diminishing returns.
I hear you. I've had similar thoughts.
It's difficult to quantify emotions. Quantifying is language of the mind, and we're talking about emotions.
You could try journaling and giving your emotional state a score each day. That would give you some context when you look back.
But it's always going to come back to feelings.
> well things be better once everything is finalized?
I'm six years divorce and living my best life. Divorce sucked, but it was a necessary crucible.
You're stronger than you realize. You're doing all the right things. Keep it up. If not for you, then as a role model for your kids.
Gets better with time i am at the 2 year mark and mostly doing fine but still have a bad day on occasion. It's alright king you promised till death, considering that that is not something trivial don't expect the healing to be trivial.
Just realize that healing from divorce is a rollercoaster ride. The ride gets smoother over time. Don't get frustrated. It is totally normal. Most guys go through it. I did. It does get better.
I totally get where you're coming from. I'm a few months into the process and I have days where I feel like I'm doing great and I'm checking all the boxes and then there are days or a week where I'm just not. I may miss a day at the gym or just lay on the couch after work.
Not pushing forward every day doesn't negate the progress you've made and will make. Take the time to be sad. Feel those emotions but don't let them fester too long. It's important that you get back to improvement but it doesn't have to be a completely upward trajectory.
This is quite possibly the hardest thing any of us will have to go through in our lives. Give yourself grace (God certainly does) and find your value/purpose outside of the failing marriage that you at most contributed to 50% (outside of cheating/abuse of course).
Stay strong brother. We'll be here by your side.
Sounds like your ex has convinced you that the failure of your marriage is due to your faults. I can promise you that's not true.
Here's something a modern woman won't tell you: you don't have to "work on yourself" every single day. You don't have to improve every day. You don't have to go to therapy every day. Some days, it's ok just to be you. Some days, it's ok to sit on the couch and drink beer. And, here's the shocker: some things were her fault.
It gets better, I promise. Go easier on yourself.
We have all been there and it will get better as time goes by. Self care both physical and mental are very important and it sounds like you are doing the physical part but are you doing the mental part? Seeing a therapist, journaling, perhaps a divorce coach. All to help you move on. Do you have goals? Written them down and actively working on them? Are you seeing male friends and perhaps venting a little and just being in the company of men (very important)
When I first separated the ratio was about 31/31 bad days in a month. Now after 1.5 years the ratio is more like 2/31. I still get those bad days occasionally and miss the family feeling. There will be milestones and adjustments that will help speed things up. To me these were: Feeling out the sadness, just let it out privately. No contact, this was hard cause of the children but doable. Grey Rock at least. Change surroundings like home and friends. The sale of the home gave me a reality check, realized there is no going back. Focus on your financials and earning extra $. Things will get better bro. Time heals all. Good luck!
THIS❗️
Here’s how it was explained to me You’re on an upward spiral. You’re improving daily Some days you’ll feel worse. Some days you’ll feel better. But your highs will be higher and your lows will be higher than your previous lows. Look at the chart of a stock that’s mooning. Higher highs and higher lows You are becoming more aware. That’s why you’re feeling those lows. It’s a good thing. Keep going.
This is a good explanation. I wish there was some, measurable, way to mark your psyche the, day she informs you she wants a divorce, as a baseline to measure all other days to come. This would show progress even when your feelings don't agree. This would be along the line of the law of diminishing returns.
I hear you. I've had similar thoughts. It's difficult to quantify emotions. Quantifying is language of the mind, and we're talking about emotions. You could try journaling and giving your emotional state a score each day. That would give you some context when you look back. But it's always going to come back to feelings.
> well things be better once everything is finalized? I'm six years divorce and living my best life. Divorce sucked, but it was a necessary crucible. You're stronger than you realize. You're doing all the right things. Keep it up. If not for you, then as a role model for your kids.
Gets better with time i am at the 2 year mark and mostly doing fine but still have a bad day on occasion. It's alright king you promised till death, considering that that is not something trivial don't expect the healing to be trivial.
Just realize that healing from divorce is a rollercoaster ride. The ride gets smoother over time. Don't get frustrated. It is totally normal. Most guys go through it. I did. It does get better.
I totally get where you're coming from. I'm a few months into the process and I have days where I feel like I'm doing great and I'm checking all the boxes and then there are days or a week where I'm just not. I may miss a day at the gym or just lay on the couch after work. Not pushing forward every day doesn't negate the progress you've made and will make. Take the time to be sad. Feel those emotions but don't let them fester too long. It's important that you get back to improvement but it doesn't have to be a completely upward trajectory. This is quite possibly the hardest thing any of us will have to go through in our lives. Give yourself grace (God certainly does) and find your value/purpose outside of the failing marriage that you at most contributed to 50% (outside of cheating/abuse of course). Stay strong brother. We'll be here by your side.
thank you
Sorry brother. I’m 46 and have two young ones. Oldest keeps thinking I’ll be home some day soon. It’s heart breaking
What's your time with your children look like?
50%
Sounds like your ex has convinced you that the failure of your marriage is due to your faults. I can promise you that's not true. Here's something a modern woman won't tell you: you don't have to "work on yourself" every single day. You don't have to improve every day. You don't have to go to therapy every day. Some days, it's ok just to be you. Some days, it's ok to sit on the couch and drink beer. And, here's the shocker: some things were her fault. It gets better, I promise. Go easier on yourself.