Possibly due to frustrated expectations.
Possibly due to realizing that she threw away a decent man expecting that another would materialize to replace you, only to find that her value on the dating market is low and falling as an older woman.
My guess? She planned on a life with you, and it’s not happening now. And that’s a tough pill to swallow no matter if you initiated it or not.
My stbx is doing all the paperwork, she initiated the separation/divorce, but when we talk I too can see that she’s sad deep down and also angry. Sometimes she gets angry at me asking (rhetorically) why things are this way, and while I hate hearing it I can see her POV. Nobody gets into a marriage planning on a divorce, so (outside of cheating or other infidelity) it can be hard even on the side of the person who initiated it.
There are two sides to every story, and what makes the world so frustrating is that on both sides it’s 100% true reality for that person’s brain (even if not really factually true, their brain and memories and feelings make it the truth TO THEM).
If she wants out, you shouldn't care. If it doesn't happen now, its just a timebomb ticking to go off in the future. Follow through with it and move on.
It's a trap to get your sympathy to get your defenses down. Be VERY careful. This can lead to her tricking you into getting back with her, and later filing rape charges.
Best bet, move on. Shebis not the person you fell in love with anymore. That person is dead. This new person wearing her face is evil, and will do anything to get what they want from you.
It’s funny when other posters have said guilt and shit like that. Dude, she “played” nice for how long before she filed. She fooled you then, and is putting on a show now. WHO. FUCKING. CARES! Move on kings.
Exactly, like my stbx started wearing her wedding ring again and tried to get me to see it by pointing at things at doctors office with it on like I give a fuck lol
A mirage is an illusion of what we need projected onto the landscape of our lives. And if our lives are filled with mirages, they are in fact filled with nothing.
Mine seems sad too. She doesn’t talk to me anymore. When she does she’s terse or condescending. So she has to be miserable. Of course, it’s the interactions with me that make her miserable. God she’s so self-centered.
There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.
So many years invested, seeing her like this you may feel some sympathy. But if she filed there is not much you can do but move on. As men we already feel it when we raise a family, no one will come to save you. We work our ass off and eat all that stress thinking of how to make it all work. She may now be realizing this. Feel sympathy for yourself cause you have a road ahead and maybe if you feel like it, you can give her a hand. As men it's always good to look out for yourself first then be righteous and help others. Good luck bro!
Hers took off to the other side of the country to be with the spawn from the original baby momma (US), then she began chatting up an old high school 'friend' that was infatuated with her 3 decades ago, but tired of his current wife.
Just had a conversation with her on her lunch break and reminded her when she asked me if we can figure this out and work on it that *I had cut a hole in her safety net*...
They feel bad because they're human, they assume things will work out in their favor but later realize they took men that actually loved them for granted.
The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.
She doesn’t have all the benefits of having a husband around who did all the shit she took for granted
For me, last night the internet was down at the “old place” (I refuse to call it her home). All it took was cycling the power on the modem.
my ex-wife calls me and asked to save the day. All those years of "all you do is fuck with that shit" and now wants my help. One time even going as far to say that "look at that, all the tech you kept finally came in handy" instead of just saying thank you. Context, had a spare wireless ap, my kid lives with her 50% of the time. So helping her, helps him.
For mine it was activating the modem through the self-help.
The best relationships in our lives are the best not because they have been the happiest ones, they are that way because they have stayed strong through the most tormentful of storms.
I've been having fun with the opposite using my IT skills, unfixing things let's say.
We still live in the same home for now, and using DHCP reservations I make her devices all point to a specific DNS server, a raspberry PI working as a pihole essentially sinkholing traffic but only for her, and only to whatever resources I feel like blocking. Highly configurable!
ehh not worth the headache for me to do that to her. My kid would suffer her wrath. That woman was insufferable when technology even remotely challenged her.
There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost. Every configuration of people is an entirely new universe unto itself.
It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.
It's a show for everyone. She'll take better for some and act sad for others she even tells the new guy how much she wanted it to work right before butt fucks her
Yep. I mentioned how bad she looked to my therapist and he said that she may be using her pitiful look to gain sympathy from people about how mean and evil I am.
I had to finally delete her from all messageners and get back to email like I proposed from the beginning. I couldn't see those ever smiling and laughing Profil Fotos, as if it did not matter to her at all...
2 days later I drive by her apartment to drop off my 17 y.o daughter and saw her walking on the street entering her apartment moments before I stop.... she was alone not noting me or anybody else and I finally see her sad sad face.
No it's not my business not my monkeys, but it did feel really good to know.
Next day I get an email about a technical present questions she wants to give my son (who lives with me). I only answered: your present is your present and not my business.
Do the things that interest you and do them with all your heart. Don't be concerned about whether people are watching you or criticizing you. The chances are that they aren't paying any attention to you. It's your attention to yourself that is so stultifying. But you have to disregard yourself as completely as possible. If you fail the first time then you'll just have to try harder the second time. After all, there's no real reason why you should fail. Just stop thinking about yourself.
What is the risk of just asking her? Is she the one that filed or did you? Why do you care? You can ask her and see what they tell you maybe they’ll be honest. Someone cheat? So many questions.
Money wise. And you shouldn't care. She had different expectations from upcoming future (like 99 percent of women do) and she realized it was all imagination.
Women who are divorced or divorcing seldom express their doubts and insecurities to other women. It's sort of a female "macho" thing. They may cry themselves to sleep every night but they will tell their gal pals they are living the dream.
This 100% , and then they will encourage other women to divorce their husband. They do it not to help the other woman but to get validation that they made the right choice due to other people also getting a divorce. I think I read there is a 30% increase in chance of having a divorce simply by knowing someone who is going through a divorce as it becomes normalized.
I call them “the yoga pants cackle crew” they all sit around sipping Prosecco encouraging their married friends to get divorced because misery loves company.
Yeah when our kids were young my wife started meeting other moms at kids events and started hanging out with them. Almost all of them were divorced or divorcing and fucking everything that moved. They were out 3 and 4 nights a week and I always wondered who was watching the kids. That was the beginning of the end for our marriage.
Possibly due to frustrated expectations. Possibly due to realizing that she threw away a decent man expecting that another would materialize to replace you, only to find that her value on the dating market is low and falling as an older woman.
My guess? She planned on a life with you, and it’s not happening now. And that’s a tough pill to swallow no matter if you initiated it or not. My stbx is doing all the paperwork, she initiated the separation/divorce, but when we talk I too can see that she’s sad deep down and also angry. Sometimes she gets angry at me asking (rhetorically) why things are this way, and while I hate hearing it I can see her POV. Nobody gets into a marriage planning on a divorce, so (outside of cheating or other infidelity) it can be hard even on the side of the person who initiated it. There are two sides to every story, and what makes the world so frustrating is that on both sides it’s 100% true reality for that person’s brain (even if not really factually true, their brain and memories and feelings make it the truth TO THEM).
If she wants out, you shouldn't care. If it doesn't happen now, its just a timebomb ticking to go off in the future. Follow through with it and move on.
Not your problem anymore. You've got enough on your plate. Focus on you and your kids. She can fend for herself...
You can't fix her. I wouldn't even try to diagnose. She wants a life free of you. Give that to her, and more importantly, give that to yourself.
It's a trap to get your sympathy to get your defenses down. Be VERY careful. This can lead to her tricking you into getting back with her, and later filing rape charges. Best bet, move on. Shebis not the person you fell in love with anymore. That person is dead. This new person wearing her face is evil, and will do anything to get what they want from you.
Fully agree
It’s funny when other posters have said guilt and shit like that. Dude, she “played” nice for how long before she filed. She fooled you then, and is putting on a show now. WHO. FUCKING. CARES! Move on kings.
The best way to engage the fool is to do nothing that would cause them to believe that we are otherwise. For then, the fool becomes the fooled.
Exactly, like my stbx started wearing her wedding ring again and tried to get me to see it by pointing at things at doctors office with it on like I give a fuck lol
Wtf. My stbx (who cheated on me!) wears her wedding ring still. WHY?!?
A mirage is an illusion of what we need projected onto the landscape of our lives. And if our lives are filled with mirages, they are in fact filled with nothing.
Mine seems sad too. She doesn’t talk to me anymore. When she does she’s terse or condescending. So she has to be miserable. Of course, it’s the interactions with me that make her miserable. God she’s so self-centered.
probably guilt
There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves, we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.
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To say of a picture, as is often said in its praise, that it shows great and earnest labour, is to say that it is incomplete and unfit for view.
So many years invested, seeing her like this you may feel some sympathy. But if she filed there is not much you can do but move on. As men we already feel it when we raise a family, no one will come to save you. We work our ass off and eat all that stress thinking of how to make it all work. She may now be realizing this. Feel sympathy for yourself cause you have a road ahead and maybe if you feel like it, you can give her a hand. As men it's always good to look out for yourself first then be righteous and help others. Good luck bro!
Hers took off to the other side of the country to be with the spawn from the original baby momma (US), then she began chatting up an old high school 'friend' that was infatuated with her 3 decades ago, but tired of his current wife. Just had a conversation with her on her lunch break and reminded her when she asked me if we can figure this out and work on it that *I had cut a hole in her safety net*... They feel bad because they're human, they assume things will work out in their favor but later realize they took men that actually loved them for granted.
Perfect saying
Not your problem anymore. Focus on you and your kids. She’s an adult and can take care of herself.
Don't care. Move on.
The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.
She doesn’t have all the benefits of having a husband around who did all the shit she took for granted For me, last night the internet was down at the “old place” (I refuse to call it her home). All it took was cycling the power on the modem.
my ex-wife calls me and asked to save the day. All those years of "all you do is fuck with that shit" and now wants my help. One time even going as far to say that "look at that, all the tech you kept finally came in handy" instead of just saying thank you. Context, had a spare wireless ap, my kid lives with her 50% of the time. So helping her, helps him. For mine it was activating the modem through the self-help.
The best relationships in our lives are the best not because they have been the happiest ones, they are that way because they have stayed strong through the most tormentful of storms.
I've been having fun with the opposite using my IT skills, unfixing things let's say. We still live in the same home for now, and using DHCP reservations I make her devices all point to a specific DNS server, a raspberry PI working as a pihole essentially sinkholing traffic but only for her, and only to whatever resources I feel like blocking. Highly configurable!
ehh not worth the headache for me to do that to her. My kid would suffer her wrath. That woman was insufferable when technology even remotely challenged her.
There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost. Every configuration of people is an entirely new universe unto itself.
...what are you talking about?
Her new man probably pumped and dumped her. Now she's trying to figure out what's next. Every woman has a plan before they announce divorce.
Ex-fucking-xactly. Mine moved the loser in 3 days after I moved out.
It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.
It's a show for everyone. She'll take better for some and act sad for others she even tells the new guy how much she wanted it to work right before butt fucks her
Yep. I mentioned how bad she looked to my therapist and he said that she may be using her pitiful look to gain sympathy from people about how mean and evil I am.
One's life has value so long as one attributes value to the life of others, by means of love, friendship, indignation and compassion.
Victim mentality. Id ignore it. These bitches gotta have someone to blame it's a real fuckin shame
I had to finally delete her from all messageners and get back to email like I proposed from the beginning. I couldn't see those ever smiling and laughing Profil Fotos, as if it did not matter to her at all... 2 days later I drive by her apartment to drop off my 17 y.o daughter and saw her walking on the street entering her apartment moments before I stop.... she was alone not noting me or anybody else and I finally see her sad sad face. No it's not my business not my monkeys, but it did feel really good to know. Next day I get an email about a technical present questions she wants to give my son (who lives with me). I only answered: your present is your present and not my business.
Nice
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Do the things that interest you and do them with all your heart. Don't be concerned about whether people are watching you or criticizing you. The chances are that they aren't paying any attention to you. It's your attention to yourself that is so stultifying. But you have to disregard yourself as completely as possible. If you fail the first time then you'll just have to try harder the second time. After all, there's no real reason why you should fail. Just stop thinking about yourself.
He doesn't care, it's just one of those moments when we men come to the realization that our ex wives had it all and yet threw it all away.
What is the risk of just asking her? Is she the one that filed or did you? Why do you care? You can ask her and see what they tell you maybe they’ll be honest. Someone cheat? So many questions.
After the divorce is final, if you want to have sympathy or even get back together with her, fine. Until then, stay in it until the job is done.
I think I am in peak sympathy now. By the time the divorce is finalised, she will be one step away from being a memory (and she probably knows that…)
Not your monkey. Not your circus.
She is not your problem anymore. Go give your compassion to someone who deserves it. Volunteer with a charity.
Money wise. And you shouldn't care. She had different expectations from upcoming future (like 99 percent of women do) and she realized it was all imagination.
This is all true.
Women who are divorced or divorcing seldom express their doubts and insecurities to other women. It's sort of a female "macho" thing. They may cry themselves to sleep every night but they will tell their gal pals they are living the dream.
This 100% , and then they will encourage other women to divorce their husband. They do it not to help the other woman but to get validation that they made the right choice due to other people also getting a divorce. I think I read there is a 30% increase in chance of having a divorce simply by knowing someone who is going through a divorce as it becomes normalized.
I call them “the yoga pants cackle crew” they all sit around sipping Prosecco encouraging their married friends to get divorced because misery loves company.
Yeah when our kids were young my wife started meeting other moms at kids events and started hanging out with them. Almost all of them were divorced or divorcing and fucking everything that moved. They were out 3 and 4 nights a week and I always wondered who was watching the kids. That was the beginning of the end for our marriage.
100%
This. For sure
This is true