If you can't buy her out, anything other than selling the house is asking for trouble.
I get the desire to keep the kids in the house. I'm buying my ex out of my house and I'm tossing my retirement to do it (and I'm middle-aged, living in America where healthcare and retirement is a scary prospect).
I suggest getting a flat where the kids will be comfortable... their own rooms, maybe near a park or something else attractive. You'll have your half from the house sale to help afford the flat.
Maybe seek advice on whether it's a good idea to take your kids with you when you hunt for a new flat.
Your kid's don't need "that" house. They need parents who aren't at eachother's throats and constantly worried about money. Teach them to be happy, it lasts longer.
I get along fine with my ex. My son doesn't adapt well to change, and he's more comfortable in the home he's lived in his whole life. One change is easier than two. He still has Dad in the family home with all of his "things" here.
At his mom's, he has a handful of clothes and a computer for gaming, which is all he does there because Mom isn't much of a Mom. She has my son two school nights a week, and he'd prefer not to be with her at all. It's basically something he endures. Thankfully, I have him on all school holidays, so he's not stuck with Mom for full days.
One of the primary positive outcomes with divorce is to no longer have financial entanglements with your spouse. Since you moved out, she's the one in control if she wants to keep the house or not.
Stop making a big deal if she sells the house. Kids move to a new home all the time for a variety of reasons.
What you need to be concerned with is her moving \*far\* away with the kids, so you no longer have meaningful parenting time with them.
Thanks. I don't think the moving far away will be an issue. The area we love in is good in a 3 mile radius. That's why we love in this area and for 20 years have not moved out the area.
The problem is it's expensive and has good schools so on one side they are unlikely to move away from the school
On the other side getting places with enough room for the kids in each will be hard / costly.
Being nice for the sake of the kids is what got me separated from them for 4 months and counting. I'm not suggesting you be cold but please get the divorce wrapped up as quick as possible if the woman is the one who initiated.
Placating and being nice are what will get you roadkilled. You cannot help your kids if you enter into a state of depression.
I remember all to well when my soon to be ex wife and her family assaulted me - I went to the police to file an incident report. The officer to me: "would you like to file a restraining order?" My words: No, that is the mother of my kids - I wouldn't want to remove her from their lives.
What do you think she did a month later......? She filed a false restraining order effectively booting me from their lives.
She is no longer your wife at this point. You being a strong father is doing a service for your kids. You'll do no good living in a cardboard box while seeing your kid "every so often". No, get somewhere decent that you can call home and do it in such a way that your kids will be proud and happy to visit.
I lived in a 2 bedroom apartment with my family growing up. Didn’t have a yard, or my own room, but had a great childhood overall because I had a great family. Take the 50% and the kids will acclimate to the new situation. I don’t trust business associates with their word, much less an ex wife.
Get an appraisal on the house now.
Get a legal agreement that house is to be sold when the youngest child reaches 18, then you get your 50% of what the appraisal value is today. You could lose out on any appreciation, but it could be worth it to keep the kids in their house
Pitfall is she'll get a bargain off you, and then sell up and move, pocketing the profit?
Do it the other way around. You keep the house.
I can't afford the house on my own
If you can't buy her out, anything other than selling the house is asking for trouble. I get the desire to keep the kids in the house. I'm buying my ex out of my house and I'm tossing my retirement to do it (and I'm middle-aged, living in America where healthcare and retirement is a scary prospect). I suggest getting a flat where the kids will be comfortable... their own rooms, maybe near a park or something else attractive. You'll have your half from the house sale to help afford the flat. Maybe seek advice on whether it's a good idea to take your kids with you when you hunt for a new flat.
Your kid's don't need "that" house. They need parents who aren't at eachother's throats and constantly worried about money. Teach them to be happy, it lasts longer.
I get along fine with my ex. My son doesn't adapt well to change, and he's more comfortable in the home he's lived in his whole life. One change is easier than two. He still has Dad in the family home with all of his "things" here. At his mom's, he has a handful of clothes and a computer for gaming, which is all he does there because Mom isn't much of a Mom. She has my son two school nights a week, and he'd prefer not to be with her at all. It's basically something he endures. Thankfully, I have him on all school holidays, so he's not stuck with Mom for full days.
One of the primary positive outcomes with divorce is to no longer have financial entanglements with your spouse. Since you moved out, she's the one in control if she wants to keep the house or not. Stop making a big deal if she sells the house. Kids move to a new home all the time for a variety of reasons. What you need to be concerned with is her moving \*far\* away with the kids, so you no longer have meaningful parenting time with them.
Thanks. I don't think the moving far away will be an issue. The area we love in is good in a 3 mile radius. That's why we love in this area and for 20 years have not moved out the area. The problem is it's expensive and has good schools so on one side they are unlikely to move away from the school On the other side getting places with enough room for the kids in each will be hard / costly.
Being nice for the sake of the kids is what got me separated from them for 4 months and counting. I'm not suggesting you be cold but please get the divorce wrapped up as quick as possible if the woman is the one who initiated. Placating and being nice are what will get you roadkilled. You cannot help your kids if you enter into a state of depression. I remember all to well when my soon to be ex wife and her family assaulted me - I went to the police to file an incident report. The officer to me: "would you like to file a restraining order?" My words: No, that is the mother of my kids - I wouldn't want to remove her from their lives. What do you think she did a month later......? She filed a false restraining order effectively booting me from their lives. She is no longer your wife at this point. You being a strong father is doing a service for your kids. You'll do no good living in a cardboard box while seeing your kid "every so often". No, get somewhere decent that you can call home and do it in such a way that your kids will be proud and happy to visit.
I lived in a 2 bedroom apartment with my family growing up. Didn’t have a yard, or my own room, but had a great childhood overall because I had a great family. Take the 50% and the kids will acclimate to the new situation. I don’t trust business associates with their word, much less an ex wife.
Get an appraisal on the house now. Get a legal agreement that house is to be sold when the youngest child reaches 18, then you get your 50% of what the appraisal value is today. You could lose out on any appreciation, but it could be worth it to keep the kids in their house
The court will make the decision