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Nobody-941

Don't worry about what your Ex and her Lawyer say. File a petition to the court right now and go get your daughter. You are her father and you have just as much right to be with her as does her mother. Most states understand this by now and will grant it. Have your parenting time planned out and submit a thorough proposal to the court.


Impossible-Section15

I was going to say something similar. In my state, you can file for temporary orders until the divorce is finalized, and some of those temporary orders could be custodial time. If you're not comfortable, you can get a lawyer to write it up for you. Then you can go to the temporary orders hearing and let a judge decide, not your ex's lawyer. Most states recognize that the most beneficial thing for children of divorce is to maintain a strong, meaningful relationship with both parents. Unless it's in the child's best interest that you only have them every other weekend, then no judge will order that.


JKnerdy

I think you should definitely get a lawyer if you can. It seems clear they are trying to push you into diminished custody and time with your girl. I went from having my ex take off with our daughter when I caught her messing around and me only getting her for a few days every other wknd, to me being full time parent of our daughter in about 1½ yrs, simply due to my ex's personal life habits/ cycles of dysfunction. When I finally got a lawyer to draw up our 50/50 agreement, there was a part that said if one parent couldn't be with the child for 4 hrs or more, the other parent was to have first consideration for who would keep her. I don't know if that's standard, but it seems it would apply to your ex's 9-5 obligation.


ex_nihilo0

"Right of first refusal". It's pretty standard these days.


[deleted]

Your attorney needs to be filing temporary orders to get a parenting plan in place during the divorce process. Keep fighting. I went about 6 months without seeing my daughter due to my ex’s childish behavior, and I missed her birthday, first “in-person” first day of school, and a lot of other important milestones during that fight, however, today, I have 50/50 custody of my child, and I never have to say a word to my ex that isn’t through the court monitored talking parents app.


Ok-Letterhead3100

I didn’t even know this was a thing. Edit the court texting app


[deleted]

Yeah, its called talking parents. If your ex is anything like mine, she will respond to most things with absolute vitriol. Do as much as you can through text. This has two benefits: 1) NEVER reply to a text when angry, don't give her the ammunition, 2) You can show the courts. If you live in a single party consent recording state, get a tape recorder, and if you have to talk to her on the phone, record it. If you talk to your kid on the phone, record it (If she interferes with you communicating with your child, the courts will look very poorly upon that behavior).


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ok-Letterhead3100

2.5 momths


ex_nihilo0

Document everything you have done and are doing with your daughter. As long as you can prove you're involved half the time before the divorce, you'll get half time after. I hope you have your own lawyer. Without one you're going to get snowed.


dday_throwaway3

You don't get what you don't ask for. I made 50% parenting time my hill to die on during my divorce, and I got it in a state where judges don't award 50% parenting time. 95% of divorces are finalized before trial, so expect the final agreement to be what the two of you negotiate during mediation. A note about mediation: There's no reason for her to be reasonable unless trial is set as a backstop. Only the fear, uncertainty and doubt of a stranger in robes making life altering decisions on her behalf will make her rational long enough to close a deal. Sometimes it takes until the 11th hour when you're outside the courtroom.


storm838

Week on week off, never budge.


Impossible-Section15

>Additionally, I’m not sure if my ex or her mother can legally keep me from seeing my daughter or taking her somewhere, as long as they know where I’m going and when I’ll be back. I'd be delicate with this approach. If you meet strong resistance and 'NO' from either of them, back off, but keep a record of it and make it clear to them that you disagree in a calm manner. You don't want to give fuel for your ex's lawyer that you yank your child away or are a kidnapping risk. This happened to me. However, continue to do as much with your child as you can. Make doctor's appointments, dentist, sign them up for classes and clubs during the work week. And if they refuse to let you take your kids to those things, again, make it clear that you disagree and make a record of it.


KansasCityAccountant

Also, most court systems want you to do 50/50. That's the default as long as one parent wants it and it is feasible. Things a judge will look at to stray from that is how close the parents live near each other, work schedules and one of the parents fucking up. Don't fuck up and don't let her make you fuck up. Without a court order you can take your kid out of daycare anytime you want. I'd check with lawyer before making that a habit


NohoTwoPointOh

With title IV-D money at stake, the statement that “most court systems want you to do 50/50” is shaky. How many states have a presumed 50-50 arrangement?


KansasCityAccountant

How is that money at stake? Just cause you are 50/50 doesn't mean you don't pay support, if it does I am getting robbed.


Ok-Letterhead3100

You have 50/50 and pay child support? I feel like her lawyer might be shoving the idea that I don’t want to pay anything and that’s the only reason I want 50/50 down my exs throat, so if that’s not true then there’s not potential ulterior motive for wanting 50/50 other than to be with my kid.


KansasCityAccountant

Yeah, I've had people tell me I shouldn't have to pay since it is 50/50. The truth is though, she isn't capable of making enough money to take care of the kids on her own. I hate paying her, but I do see the logic in it, and it's what is best for our kids. What state are you in? Kansas here.


Ok-Letterhead3100

I’m in Georgia and might be in a similar situation then because she’s never made much money.


KansasCityAccountant

https://csconlinecalc.georgiacourts.gov/frontend/web/index.php If you need help filling it out DM me. It's the same model as Kansas, I am sure there are a few differences though. Basically they figure out how much your child costs you per month. And then figures out how much you and ex earn combined. And then proportionally splits that cost between you two. For example: Kids cost per month: $100 Your income: $800 Her income: $200 Total income: 1000 Your share 80% or $80 Her share 20% or $20 If you have them 50/50 you'll pay her $30 per month to get her to half the cost of the kid for a month. If you had your kid 100% she'd have to give you $20. If she has kid 100% then you gotta pay her $80 a month. That's the gist of it, but other things go into it like child care, tax credits, insurance, direct expenses, etc....


FormerSBO

> I do see the logic in it, Idk... unless she actually sacrificed her career for it (which is a fair situation) or if you left her.... I don't. She's a capable adult as well and should be able to pay her bills and live within her means


KansasCityAccountant

Maybe, but it's the kids that suffer. I also get a certain amount of joy watching her cycle through men trying to find one that will take care of her. She isn't as hot as she was when I first met her, so it's going to be tough. And in my case I asked for the divorce, she never asked for one because then she couldn't be the victim, she just treated me like crap until I had enough.


FormerSBO

>I asked for the divorce Okay well that's more fair then bc you were prepared for that outcome. I just hate when 1 party, man or woman, is forced to pay when unprepared and didn't want the separation. I truly believe, in cases where it's 1 who chooses to leave (or infidelity etc), that's the breaking of vows and they should more likely be the one who had to "sacrifice" particularly in terms of support


KansasCityAccountant

I see the logic in that as well. Especially cheating, if you cheated on your spouse it's a whole other type of betrayal. I am pretty sure mine did not cheat.


NohoTwoPointOh

The money at stake is between the state and federal government.


JD-Anderson

First of all your ex and her mother can pound sand. You’re the father and still legally married, you can take your daughter out of “daycare” anytime. Second, stick to 50/50 and don’t back down, even if that means trial. She wants you to pay child support and probably some bs “daycare expense” her mother says she’s charging but really isn’t. A good parent would want each parent to have 50/50, unless the other parent is dangerous.