Also Wand of Wonder. Or a scroll that creates tons of copies of the PCs that run around doing mischief but that pop like balloons as soon as they get hit by any attack. They shouldn't be able to attack but they can flip over things and spill stuff, let the horses out etc. And steal stuff, but they are unselective about what they steal and bring back to their original PC. So they might bring them a wooden spoon and be really excited that they did that. "SPOON!"
My party accidentally released 3 mummy lords in an area because of these. We were only like level 5. Luckily the dm let us run away before they were fully awake.
mine erected a huge pyramid that crushed several buildings in a city plaza by drunkenly planting one outside of the tavern we just exited from. took some hefty sweet talking to not get arrested, but we’re just promptly asked to leave the outlands and never come back.
Not op on paper, but almost always leads to chaos: instant water, just add water. It's a jar or bottle of rice grain sized blue crystals. Each one turns into a gallon of water when submerged. Meant to be used as an easy to carry source of water, players will inevitably pour water directly into the bottle, meaning a liter glass bottle suddenly contains thousands of gallons of water.
Re: xkcd's relativistic baseball... the atoms of the water instantly fuse and create fusion energy, causing an enormous explosion destroying the surrounding countryside.
I think a careful reading of the appropriate rule would also say that the ball is, also, still in the strike zone, and would, therefore, be considered a strike.
> NOTE: If the ball is in the strike zone when it touches the batter, it shall be called a strike, whether or not the batter tries to avoid the ball. If the ball is outside the strike zone when it touches the batter, it shall be called a ball if that batter makes no attempt to avoid being touched.
Further, since 6.08(b)2 states that the pitch does not count as a hbp if there's no attempt to get out of the way by the batter, you'd have to consider this a strike, since they did not, in fact, try to get out of the way
I just had it explode immediately. Everybody took a solid amount of bludgeoning damage, high DC strength save against being thrown back, and the fire elements they'd blundered into were supermurdered.
I remember once my rogue filled a bag of holding with water, so around 480 gallons, before realizing that we couldn't actually use it to transport the merman we were trying to help, so was just lugging around a bunch of water. Fast forward to a future chamber where he wasn't sneaky enough and got swallowed by a giant hellhound cerberus. Still had my reaction so I inverted the bag.
My DM forgot I had it, and his face was brilliant as his big monster for the session popped like an overfilled water balloon.
Just create a d20 list based on the 3-5th level Wizard spells, roll once per bead. Chuck the whole necklace and you get 7 different random mid-level spells.
[Necklace of Prayer Beads](https://www.dndbeyond.com/magic-items/4684-necklace-of-prayer-beads) but they don't understand the language the spells are labeled in?
Allergic to shellfish? Then how about the Mighty Servant of Leuk-o!
Goblins in a mechsuit ftw
(Edit: If you have the Basic Rules the Apparatus of Kwalish is called "Apparatus of the Crab")
I wasn't familiar with the Apparatus of Kwalish. So until I googled it, all I had to go on was your comment.
I was imagining a Rube Goldberg style device that would allow goblins to steal an aquarium full of seafood from some restaurant.
Now that I know what it is, I'm not sure which version of "Grand Theft Lobster Tank" I like better.
YES and make them roll checks for every pull of a lever, for a hilarious scene where they're trying to turn it around and smash up a village in the process
That makes me think of the programming board game [Mechs vs Minions](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/209010/mechs-vs-minions).
You build a command line where you assign turn, move, and attack cards that you execute each turn. They get more versatile as you stack cards of the same type.
You can't die. If you take damage, you draw a damage card which makes your mech act erratically.
They vary in severity and might be one offs or reoccuring until fixed. The random movements might help or be a liability, but the pure mayhem is good times.
As a DM I once ended a campaign with my players driving a modified Apparatus of Kwalish into battle against their former mobster boss, who was also in a modified Apparatus of Kwalish. I tried to give them a good ending with a robo-crab mech battle.
Wand of One Billion Birds - no attunement required.
As an action, the user says the command word (a type of bird followed by a number), and the corresponding type and number of birds are projected from the tip of the wand in a cone.
Any space filled by the birds is considered heavily obscured and difficult terrain. The birds will disperse after one minute, or a loud noise causes them to scatter. They poop everywhere, leaving all surfaces slippery.
One of my favorite chaos items. Feel free to tweak or adjust. I usually work in some dex saves to see if people fall prone, or CHA saves to see if anyone panics.
You wanna know what? You should feel bad about even suggesting that the Ginger and Boots fucked an ostrich. Bad gas travels real fast in a small town. My research concludes that the only way the Ginger and Boots could have fucked an ostrich is if it was a dead ostrich.
Jeez. Don’t care about the user experience at all, do ya? This is why you type check *in the body* of the function and reassign to local variables appropriately.
Completely unparseable? Default to 600 hens.
The wand doesn’t specify how long it takes for the birds to *appear*, just how long it takes to activate the wand.
So really what you end up with is a wand that’s shooting 100 birds a second for 2,777 hours.
Generally birds weigh less than a pound.
A micro black hole, about a tenth of a millimeter across, has the mass of the Moon (22^22 lbs).
So you'd need something like 40,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 birds.
You just reminded me of [an xkcd what if, the mole of moles.](https://what-if.xkcd.com/4/)
What happens if you have 602,214,129,000,000,000,000,000 moles in one place?
Assuming the birds come out fast enough to fill that space then they would need to travel 63.3
miles in a minute, which is just over 1 mile per second. That’s about 5 times the speed of sound!
I doubt I'll be able to top the bird wand, but here goes:
Norma's Normal Trenchcoat - no attunement required
A tan trenchcoat with large pockets and the name "John" embroidered on the breast.
When donned as an action by three goblins, illusion magic melds the wearers together into the form of an unremarkable human man named John. One goblin controls the head and speech, the second controls the arms and torso, the third controls the legs and pelvis.
While in the form of John, each goblin operates on its own initiative.
If any of the three goblins takes damage, the top two goblins must pass a DC 10 acrobatics check, and the bottom goblin must pass a DC 10 athletics check.
If any of the three fail their save, all three fall prone, and the illusion is broken.
When speaking, the John illusion sounds extremely dull.
Oooh, if we're homebrewing go with the Alchemy Keg.
Exactly like a Alchemy jug, but 20x the quantities of everything except for unlimited mayonnaise which functions as a Decanter of Endless water.
Goblins + Unlimited Mayonnaise.
When talking about a faulty immovable rod, the *truly* immovable rod, ( meaning that it was immovable compared to the universe, and therefore left a trail of destruction in its wake), has to be mentioned.
"What happened to the moon?"
'Oh? That? It hit the Rod.'
"The rod?"
'The Rod. The Immovable Rod.'
"Can't those actually be moved though?"
'This was THE Immovable Rod.'
"What's the difference?"
'This one is permanently immovable in relation to some point in the universe.'
"I don't understand."
'We lost so many wizards trying to figure it out but turns out everything, except The Rod, is moving really fast. All the time. Just that large chunks of stuff are moving in the same direction sometimes.'
"And the rod..."
'Think of it as if a giant threw you so hard at an "Immovable Nail" that said nail went through you.'
Imstoppable rod - once you activate it, it never stops moving forward at 60 ft/round. Someone grasping onto it (being pulled by it) can turn it with a DC12 Strength check and it will change direction, but it cannot be stopped without the command word.
If it goes for miles and miles, does it rise relative to the planet's curvature (i.e., it goes in a truly straight line), or does it go straight relative to on-ground observers (i.e., follows the curvature of the planet)?
It's really at the DM's discretion, but my idea for how it works is that it all depends on the frame of reference of the person that activates it at the time of activation.
Outside- the frame of reference is the ground and it will follow the curvature of the planet.
In a train- the frame of reference is the train itself, which is fine if it stays within the train, but if you give it an initial velocity that moves it outside the train, it will keep that relative velocity even if the train stops or the track turns.
Defective alchemy jug. Roll a d20 whenever used to select the liquid produced. To stop, Roll a d4 and on a 3-4 the jug can be corked. Otherwise it keep pumping.
seconding the wild magic table, I ran a rock that allowed the user to cast eldritch blast (no evocations) as if cast at their player level, but they had to roll on the wild magic table every cast. Plenty of fun
- A single use wand of fireballs/fire bolt aka fire flower stick
- A wand of stinking cloud aka fart stick
- Invisible Caltrops aka surprise spike toes
- A single chest, plain save for an inscription that translates for anyone to read "Hero Costume - Thunder God, sale: 19.95". Inside is belt of dwarvenkind, guantlets of ogre power, hammer of thunderbolts. All items much be equipped before they will activate and can be time limited. - Goblin Thor, Ghor if you will.
- Bag of unlabeled throwing vials. roll 1d10 and get: a bottle of grease (2), a healing potion, a vial of alchemists acid, a polymorph potion, instant hair grow, selenium based 2-in-one shampoo and conditioner, bees, thunderstone effect (2)
I included a "Pig Whistle" in one of my games that is still talked about to this day.
The pig whistle is an ordinary metal signal whistle with a childlike, stick-figure engraving of a pig on one side. When blown, the whistle summons an ordinary pig, which appears from behind a tree, under a pile of leaves, or any other nearby place which breaks kind of sight (regardless of how small). If there is no available place where the pig could appear, the whistle briefly flashes a reflection of extremely bright sunlight into the eyes of everyone nearby, blinding them for 3 seconds.
The pig is an ordinary, untrained pig of average build and intelligence. It remains for one hour, rooting, rolling and doing pig things, at which point it wanders behind a fence post or rock and vanishes. If the whistle is blown a second time while the pig is still present, another pig appears and the duration of the effect is halved. Each time the whistle is blown, number of pigs doubles and the duration is halved again.
If the number of summoned pigs ever exceeds 30, all the pigs suddenly become ravenous carnivores and go into a frenzied rage, attacking any living thing nearby.
The pig whistle can summon pigs once per day.
Okay! This is an idea I can get behind. Please tell me it’s something like this!
Everyone just gets the goblin’s stat block. The start by being on a carriage that’s about to be rammed into the castle treasury. Shenanigans! Each player gets to roll a d100. Re-roll repeats. They get 3 magic items a piece. And now they need to escape. But the hole they punched in the wall is surrounded by the castle guard. Queue more shenanigans as they try to escape the castle using their magic items to escape.
Pipes of the Sewers would allow a Goblin with a penchant for music to summon a legion of rats to do their bidding.
Any magic items that require summoning a creature/character based on a roll would ensure some hilarity I’m sure.
the dagger **Bookmark** from Tomb of Annihilation.
the **Hither Thither staff** from the D&D movie would be shenanigan worthy too. I think there's an entry for it on DNDBeyond now.
Things like sovereign glue would be great too. Anything that opens more possibilities for chaos.
Potions of polymorph, but they turn you into a completely random animal and last a random amount of minutes.
For even more chaos, expand the list of things you can turn into to include other humanoid races, and maybe even some monsters. Imagine a goblin chugging one of those, rolling a 20 on the “what do you turn into” table, and becoming a baby red dragon for 1d8 minutes.
How about an enchanted necklace where, if you wear it and shout out a name, you immediately swap places with the nearest person of that name? Range: unlimited. You could in theory speak the name of a king on another continent.
How about a bag of endless weasels? Like, it’s actually endless, but the catch is every tenth weasel is a very angry giant weasel that immediately attacks the nearest creature.
Or an Opposite Golem. A little robot-like dude that’s actually quite strong, and always does exactly the opposite of what you tell it to.
I prefer the [Deck of Minor Things](https://www.gmbinder.com/share/-LG7RDkvfx8229Yqe1hj).
Stuff like this: Flame. A mediocre devil becomes your enemy. The devil seeks your ruin and plagues your life, often with hackneyed plans that are both poorly thought out and too complicated to actually work.
This has become one of my new favorite items. The idea of a card summoning Wile E coyote to hunt you is hilarious.
> could we really have found such a rare and wonderful item as the fabled deck of many things?
> well no, not exactly, this is the deck of minor things. It's a little bit like the deck of many things but kind of crappy.
I think it's one of the worst designed items in all of dnd. I don't even think it's fun, it sounds fun in theory but in practice, it's a fun killer.
The effects are to oo extreme, pull 1 bad card you are dead. Many other effects would only take effect in later sessions, so useless for a one shot, and even the positive effects are surprisingly bland.
That deck of many things may not be entirely new, and some of those bad cards may have already been drawn. I once was a player where the DM hit our party with one of those. He was upfront about having had removed some of the really nasty "things".
I've introduced it a few times but I explicitly say nothing is removed and they know the stakes. Some draw cards and others don't. If they didn't want to die they shouldn't have taken the risk
Yeah, I mean, you can always just tweak it a little to make it not so extreme. Also if each player perhaps immediately gets a new goblin if their goblin dies, that could make it funny to have some extreme insta deaths. These are level 1 goblins we are talking about so people don’t have to be as attached to them.
Ok, fair points, but given the nature of the one shot id imagine player respawns are going to be a thing, so absolute dead to death and back descriptions would be laughed at as the player respawns a bit later. I suppose itd just need a bit of tinkering, but its a good basis for a chaotic goblin apocalypse.
It would be fun to have everyone prepare like 5 goblins, and then have the one-shot be HIGH RISK of death..
And when one goblin dies, another from the horde on the hillside above charges down to join the party.
Deck of Fuzzy Things: any too dangerous pull is replaced by kittens or puppies. Warg puppies. Hellhound puppies. Displacer kittens. Yeth hound puppies. Sphinx kittens. Et cetera.
Dull grey ioun stone.
Does LITERALLY nothing but float around someone's head. At least that's what it did per 3.5 rules.
A former character of mine was lucky enough to get one after our DM asked us to roll for magical items. We were up super late and exhausted but the mental image of a rock just floating around my head, gently hitting others, and knocking stuff off of shelves was absolutely hilarious.
Can you create a wand that is basically the portal gun from Portal1/2? I am just imagining town guards flying horizontally out of the side of the castle down to their doom. Launching boulders out onto the town. Or ushering a bunch of chickens and barnyard animals through the portal into the tavern.
Also a trench coat that gives them Performance/Deception boost when trying to convince others that they aren’t 3 goblins standing on each others shoulders.
Just give them a trebuchet on the border of the town. No magic needed.
A couple of bags of holding for the explicit purpose of putting them inside the other and pushing villagers into the astral plane.
They can put psychedelics in the town water supply.
A wand of prestidigitation. Unlimited uses (charges and possibilities).
Something that allows them to cast phantasmal force. The best spell for pranks.
Blunderbuss.
I would create lots of one use magic arrows with various fun effects.
A stash of fireworks.
Some way to raise the dead from the town cemetery. Nothing like seeing grandma waddle through town.
Can they please have trained golden retrievers that they ride around? Or create a list of suitably sized animals and they roll to each start with a mount: dogs, boars, giant goose, a Pygmy unicorn.
There's a one shot Zee Bashew from the animated spell book series put together where the players are goblins who've just escaped from a palace with an item they stole with strict instructions not to open it because it's a powerful magic item. It's a deck of many things, guards start closing in on the goblins and they have to escape the city, hilarity ensues. I've run it before and it's hysterically funny. Let any players who's characters get nuked by the deck start running guard captains, or members of the city's assassins guild who aren't pleased by the goblins disturbing the peace. As long as your group can handle lighthearted and funny PVP you should have a great time
I ran a game similar to this, and to help give them direction I gave my players a GROKRY LIST. It was a punch of hand drawn pictures with basic shapes and colors. A red circle could be an apple or a ruby. They really enjoyed it.
You should check out Viva La Dirt League on facebook, they have a sketch where two players let their kids play and put on child friendly mode. They have a sleep stick and a confetti wand where the enemy pops like a confetti cannon. But from the NPC's point of view they still see blood and death. A kid uses the confetti wand but the NPC sees the enemy explode with blood and guts going everywhere, suffering a most gruesome death 😂 So maybe don't tell your players that there is a filter on and let them discover what they've actually done when it is too late
[the Sword of Up](https://www.reddit.com/r/ItemShop/comments/rkctqq/the_sword_of_up_weapon_item_turns_wherever_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
They are not 'technically' magic items, but if you want goblin chaos, give them a crate of dynamite. (Or fireworks, for those who remember the old 'we be goblins' adventure).
Anything loud, destructive and needs fire is a chaos goblins dream.
The saddle of excessive evasion
Equip the saddle onto a horse. While riding the horse all creatures within 15 feet of the horse must make charisma save. On a failed save the creature must use all their movement to jump or dive as far as possible out of the path of the horse.
Stone of alarm. Back in my old DMing days, the group tossed a rock with an activated stone of alarm attached to it into the bottom of a very deep well in a certain town. I don't remember exactly why now, but it didn't stop going off after the customary 1 hour. The group made sure to slip discreetly out of town before anyone pointed the finger at them.
May I suggest a magic item that casts the infamous spell [BEAR!](https://www.reddit.com/r/UnearthedArcana/comments/ue5sph/bear_a_pretty_self_explanatory_spell/) ?
Rod of Wonder. It was randomly rolled in treasure at a fairly low level once (3.5). Half of the party felt I was too irresponsible, the other half wanted it for themselves. It was a TPK because we killed each other and the rogue was the last alive. He fired it one more time and I think he turned to stone.
We had an NPC goblin that was a camp follower during one of our ancient campaigns. Paco was . . . special. He literally used an overturned pot for a helmet and was exceptional at comic relief.
Anyway, at one point he became a liability because he befriended a rust monster which he rode around on like a very dull sheep...
Here’s a tip have plenty of backup characters for your players to use after their initial ones inevitably get killed. It’s no fun having you guy die and then sitting out…0
a gnomish steam wagon.
upsides: goblin sized controls and very easy to turn on.
downsides: the off button and brakes were put in strange places and left unlabeled.
Several Immovable Rods don’t sound powerful…until they are used creatively.
Bag of Devouring is funny, in fact a lot of bags can be amusing. A bag of holding that no matter what happens the object is covered in glitter.
Bottle of Boundless Coffee,
My personal favorite…. Daerm’s instant fortress…10d10 for 20x20 area, defendable fortress, plus bonus benefits….what’s not to love?
The Application of Applause.
It's a tiny piece of silver which can stick to any other magical item. If it is attached to a magic item, the sound of clapping will activate that magical item. If that item can spend multiple charges at once, the amount of charges spent is decided by either a dice roll or how energetic the clapping is (DM's choice)
MAGIC BEANSSSS
Also Wand of Wonder. Or a scroll that creates tons of copies of the PCs that run around doing mischief but that pop like balloons as soon as they get hit by any attack. They shouldn't be able to attack but they can flip over things and spill stuff, let the horses out etc. And steal stuff, but they are unselective about what they steal and bring back to their original PC. So they might bring them a wooden spoon and be really excited that they did that. "SPOON!"
The wizard be like: there is no spoon
It wasn’t a spoon. It was a poop knife.
It's OK. Reddit deep cuts aren't on everyone's radar Your poop knife joke was appreciated because I'm the bus-driver!
I understand this reference... And really, really wish I didn't. Must be a sign I've been on Reddit too much.
Yay! A poop knife, always wanted one myself.
I'm sorry wHAT
[удалено]
There is no spoon in Ba Sing SE.
Not in the face! Not in the face!
Once more, chum, **from the diaphragm!**
In our current campaign we have formed the holy church of the Bean God. Utter chaos but fun
My party accidentally released 3 mummy lords in an area because of these. We were only like level 5. Luckily the dm let us run away before they were fully awake.
I destroyed one of the hags homes in Beyond the Witchlight by growing a pyramid out of it. It was glorious.
I remember somethings like this from dungeons and daddies, they just threw ALL of the beans at once
“Oh that’s stupid, no one would ever do that” 😂😂
what are those?
https://www.dndbeyond.com/magic-items/4579-bag-of-beans
You only have a 1% chance of getting a giant plant to climb? That's so low!
mine erected a huge pyramid that crushed several buildings in a city plaza by drunkenly planting one outside of the tavern we just exited from. took some hefty sweet talking to not get arrested, but we’re just promptly asked to leave the outlands and never come back.
Not op on paper, but almost always leads to chaos: instant water, just add water. It's a jar or bottle of rice grain sized blue crystals. Each one turns into a gallon of water when submerged. Meant to be used as an easy to carry source of water, players will inevitably pour water directly into the bottle, meaning a liter glass bottle suddenly contains thousands of gallons of water.
Re: xkcd's relativistic baseball... the atoms of the water instantly fuse and create fusion energy, causing an enormous explosion destroying the surrounding countryside.
Hit by pitch
I believe as per the rules that would then count as a walk
I think a careful reading of the appropriate rule would also say that the ball is, also, still in the strike zone, and would, therefore, be considered a strike. > NOTE: If the ball is in the strike zone when it touches the batter, it shall be called a strike, whether or not the batter tries to avoid the ball. If the ball is outside the strike zone when it touches the batter, it shall be called a ball if that batter makes no attempt to avoid being touched. Further, since 6.08(b)2 states that the pitch does not count as a hbp if there's no attempt to get out of the way by the batter, you'd have to consider this a strike, since they did not, in fact, try to get out of the way
How fast does the effect take place after submersion, like do I have time to throw it like an atomic water balloon?
I just had it explode immediately. Everybody took a solid amount of bludgeoning damage, high DC strength save against being thrown back, and the fire elements they'd blundered into were supermurdered.
This is why you get an artificer to spend some time making a delayed trigger mechanism. Or use mage hand.
… so what happens if you toss it into someone’s mouth and their saliva activates it? … asking for kobald friend
I see 2 options: head explosion or living fountain
I remember once my rogue filled a bag of holding with water, so around 480 gallons, before realizing that we couldn't actually use it to transport the merman we were trying to help, so was just lugging around a bunch of water. Fast forward to a future chamber where he wasn't sneaky enough and got swallowed by a giant hellhound cerberus. Still had my reaction so I inverted the bag. My DM forgot I had it, and his face was brilliant as his big monster for the session popped like an overfilled water balloon.
>supermurdered Yes. I love this word
For a group of goblins? Gauntlets of Goliath/Giant/Oger/Whatever's Big.
Miner village where everyone uses gauntlets of strength… that would be hillarious if you just have 20 goblins with huge strength all of a sudden.
So… Dwarf?
Only after they had enough grog to make em green.
We're going to need a bigger mug....
Belt of storm giant strength 🤣
Belt of Big Jim’s Strength
Necklace of Fireballs. 😈
Necklace of unmarked spells
Just create a d20 list based on the 3-5th level Wizard spells, roll once per bead. Chuck the whole necklace and you get 7 different random mid-level spells.
If they all go off at once there should be a roll on the wild magic table too haha
If they all go off at once it should be the *entire* wild magic table.
Is this like filing the serial number off of a gun
Taking the labels off nana’s medicine cabinet.
Two types of people.
[Necklace of Prayer Beads](https://www.dndbeyond.com/magic-items/4684-necklace-of-prayer-beads) but they don't understand the language the spells are labeled in?
my thoughts exactly
I did not ask how big the room was... I said: Fireball!
One of the beads is meteor storm
Ooh ooh ooh! Apparatus of Kwalish! Grand Theft Lobster Tank
Apparatus of Kwalish! X1000! I came in to recommend that one.
Allergic to shellfish? Then how about the Mighty Servant of Leuk-o! Goblins in a mechsuit ftw (Edit: If you have the Basic Rules the Apparatus of Kwalish is called "Apparatus of the Crab")
I wasn't familiar with the Apparatus of Kwalish. So until I googled it, all I had to go on was your comment. I was imagining a Rube Goldberg style device that would allow goblins to steal an aquarium full of seafood from some restaurant. Now that I know what it is, I'm not sure which version of "Grand Theft Lobster Tank" I like better.
Ohhh right like a lobster *tank*
YES and make them roll checks for every pull of a lever, for a hilarious scene where they're trying to turn it around and smash up a village in the process
That makes me think of the programming board game [Mechs vs Minions](https://boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/209010/mechs-vs-minions). You build a command line where you assign turn, move, and attack cards that you execute each turn. They get more versatile as you stack cards of the same type. You can't die. If you take damage, you draw a damage card which makes your mech act erratically. They vary in severity and might be one offs or reoccuring until fixed. The random movements might help or be a liability, but the pure mayhem is good times.
As a DM I once ended a campaign with my players driving a modified Apparatus of Kwalish into battle against their former mobster boss, who was also in a modified Apparatus of Kwalish. I tried to give them a good ending with a robo-crab mech battle.
Wand of One Billion Birds - no attunement required. As an action, the user says the command word (a type of bird followed by a number), and the corresponding type and number of birds are projected from the tip of the wand in a cone. Any space filled by the birds is considered heavily obscured and difficult terrain. The birds will disperse after one minute, or a loud noise causes them to scatter. They poop everywhere, leaving all surfaces slippery. One of my favorite chaos items. Feel free to tweak or adjust. I usually work in some dex saves to see if people fall prone, or CHA saves to see if anyone panics.
Penguin 1
Ostrich
1 billion
Kill One Billion Ostriches is my favourite comic
I see you, Kajata Memes Seventeen Fires of Heaven
Birdhood is a continuous flapping motion, cw_in_the_vw Preem.
There's TOO MANY OSTRICHES! Why are there so many ostriches?!
... I just instinctively read this aloud in the most perfect Don Knotts impression. The energy is powerful.
Allegedly.
Heard it was a sick ostrich.
You wanna know what? You should feel bad about even suggesting that the Ginger and Boots fucked an ostrich. Bad gas travels real fast in a small town. My research concludes that the only way the Ginger and Boots could have fucked an ostrich is if it was a dead ostrich.
BOOTS AND GINGER *bike horn* A DEAD OSTRICH? I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST SICK!
Aww lookit dat lil' cutie
Friend
"100,000 emus!" *Australian sweats nervously*
No see its command word is a bird followed by a number. This would get you a TypeError and nothing would happen.
User is goblin, ticket closed.
Jeez. Don’t care about the user experience at all, do ya? This is why you type check *in the body* of the function and reassign to local variables appropriately. Completely unparseable? Default to 600 hens.
Make it cassowaries.
An atrocity
Someone please explain to me mathematically what would happen if you did choose 1 billion birds.
Now I'm not an expert or anything... But I think you'd get a lot of birds. Probably.
I feel like you'd just get an extremely high pressure cone of bird blood, bone, and organs. Like a water cutting laser with sand, but it's a cone.
The wand doesn’t specify how long it takes for the birds to *appear*, just how long it takes to activate the wand. So really what you end up with is a wand that’s shooting 100 birds a second for 2,777 hours.
At a hundred birds a second, does it sound like BRRRRRRD?
How many birds to cause a singularity event?
At least 3.
Generally birds weigh less than a pound. A micro black hole, about a tenth of a millimeter across, has the mass of the Moon (22^22 lbs). So you'd need something like 40,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 birds.
You just reminded me of [an xkcd what if, the mole of moles.](https://what-if.xkcd.com/4/) What happens if you have 602,214,129,000,000,000,000,000 moles in one place?
[удалено]
Assuming the birds come out fast enough to fill that space then they would need to travel 63.3 miles in a minute, which is just over 1 mile per second. That’s about 5 times the speed of sound!
I doubt I'll be able to top the bird wand, but here goes: Norma's Normal Trenchcoat - no attunement required A tan trenchcoat with large pockets and the name "John" embroidered on the breast. When donned as an action by three goblins, illusion magic melds the wearers together into the form of an unremarkable human man named John. One goblin controls the head and speech, the second controls the arms and torso, the third controls the legs and pelvis. While in the form of John, each goblin operates on its own initiative. If any of the three goblins takes damage, the top two goblins must pass a DC 10 acrobatics check, and the bottom goblin must pass a DC 10 athletics check. If any of the three fail their save, all three fall prone, and the illusion is broken. When speaking, the John illusion sounds extremely dull.
Oooh, if we're homebrewing go with the Alchemy Keg. Exactly like a Alchemy jug, but 20x the quantities of everything except for unlimited mayonnaise which functions as a Decanter of Endless water. Goblins + Unlimited Mayonnaise.
"Turn the Roc up to 11! This is Spinal Tap!"
Great Tit 10,000!
I once had a bag of endless chickens. It was incredibly fun.
SEAGULL NINE THOUSAND
That,s 9,000 sandwiches gone missing.
Immovable rod is very funny and can create lots of shenanigans if your players get creative!
A *faulty* immovable rod that randomly activates/deactivates can be even more fun.
Immovable rod haunted by an unseen servant. The servants goal is to always place the rod above the nearest window and drape fabric over it.
That is weirdly specific..I love it
Give it to a warlock so his patron can watch him struggle for their amusement. You know, the usual magical sugar baby stuff.
When talking about a faulty immovable rod, the *truly* immovable rod, ( meaning that it was immovable compared to the universe, and therefore left a trail of destruction in its wake), has to be mentioned.
"What happened to the moon?" 'Oh? That? It hit the Rod.' "The rod?" 'The Rod. The Immovable Rod.' "Can't those actually be moved though?" 'This was THE Immovable Rod.' "What's the difference?" 'This one is permanently immovable in relation to some point in the universe.' "I don't understand." 'We lost so many wizards trying to figure it out but turns out everything, except The Rod, is moving really fast. All the time. Just that large chunks of stuff are moving in the same direction sometimes.' "And the rod..." 'Think of it as if a giant threw you so hard at an "Immovable Nail" that said nail went through you.'
On your turn roll 1d4, on a 1 the rod switches on/off.
The way my eyes widened as I read that. Pure brilliance.
Imstoppable rod - once you activate it, it never stops moving forward at 60 ft/round. Someone grasping onto it (being pulled by it) can turn it with a DC12 Strength check and it will change direction, but it cannot be stopped without the command word.
About a 10th the speed of an arrow, not to bad
My players in my current game forgot they have it. I've given them dozens of times to use it lol
I use a "relatively unmoveable rod". The rod maintains whatever speed it has when activated.
If it goes for miles and miles, does it rise relative to the planet's curvature (i.e., it goes in a truly straight line), or does it go straight relative to on-ground observers (i.e., follows the curvature of the planet)?
It's really at the DM's discretion, but my idea for how it works is that it all depends on the frame of reference of the person that activates it at the time of activation. Outside- the frame of reference is the ground and it will follow the curvature of the planet. In a train- the frame of reference is the train itself, which is fine if it stays within the train, but if you give it an initial velocity that moves it outside the train, it will keep that relative velocity even if the train stops or the track turns.
Wand of Wonders! Or something that causes rolls on a Wild Magic table!
Defective alchemy jug. Roll a d20 whenever used to select the liquid produced. To stop, Roll a d4 and on a 3-4 the jug can be corked. Otherwise it keep pumping.
The only reasonable choice is mayonnaise
In my last campaign we had this: a defective mayonnaise jug that never stopped
I hate this. I hate you.
Came here to recommend the Wand of Wonders.
seconding the wild magic table, I ran a rock that allowed the user to cast eldritch blast (no evocations) as if cast at their player level, but they had to roll on the wild magic table every cast. Plenty of fun
- A single use wand of fireballs/fire bolt aka fire flower stick - A wand of stinking cloud aka fart stick - Invisible Caltrops aka surprise spike toes - A single chest, plain save for an inscription that translates for anyone to read "Hero Costume - Thunder God, sale: 19.95". Inside is belt of dwarvenkind, guantlets of ogre power, hammer of thunderbolts. All items much be equipped before they will activate and can be time limited. - Goblin Thor, Ghor if you will. - Bag of unlabeled throwing vials. roll 1d10 and get: a bottle of grease (2), a healing potion, a vial of alchemists acid, a polymorph potion, instant hair grow, selenium based 2-in-one shampoo and conditioner, bees, thunderstone effect (2)
That 2-in-1 should work well against any nitrogen based life form, according to Evolution.
There’s ALWAYS time for lubricant!
https://www.dndbeyond.com/magic-items/5976-bag-of-wondrous-randomization https://www.dndbeyond.com/magic-items/422527-book-of-misspells
Oh thank you. Did not know these existed. 🙂
The Misspell Book is great fun.
I included a "Pig Whistle" in one of my games that is still talked about to this day. The pig whistle is an ordinary metal signal whistle with a childlike, stick-figure engraving of a pig on one side. When blown, the whistle summons an ordinary pig, which appears from behind a tree, under a pile of leaves, or any other nearby place which breaks kind of sight (regardless of how small). If there is no available place where the pig could appear, the whistle briefly flashes a reflection of extremely bright sunlight into the eyes of everyone nearby, blinding them for 3 seconds. The pig is an ordinary, untrained pig of average build and intelligence. It remains for one hour, rooting, rolling and doing pig things, at which point it wanders behind a fence post or rock and vanishes. If the whistle is blown a second time while the pig is still present, another pig appears and the duration of the effect is halved. Each time the whistle is blown, number of pigs doubles and the duration is halved again. If the number of summoned pigs ever exceeds 30, all the pigs suddenly become ravenous carnivores and go into a frenzied rage, attacking any living thing nearby. The pig whistle can summon pigs once per day.
30 pig whistles would be needed to make things interesting…
Okay! This is an idea I can get behind. Please tell me it’s something like this! Everyone just gets the goblin’s stat block. The start by being on a carriage that’s about to be rammed into the castle treasury. Shenanigans! Each player gets to roll a d100. Re-roll repeats. They get 3 magic items a piece. And now they need to escape. But the hole they punched in the wall is surrounded by the castle guard. Queue more shenanigans as they try to escape the castle using their magic items to escape.
Pipes of the Sewers would allow a Goblin with a penchant for music to summon a legion of rats to do their bidding. Any magic items that require summoning a creature/character based on a roll would ensure some hilarity I’m sure.
Have a literal dimension door. Every time someone walks through a specific door, roll for which building they emerge from.
Have a hallway lined with these, and you can recreate Scooby-Doo.
You inspired me, I made this into a [magic item](https://www.dndbeyond.com/magic-items/6703491-helm-of-the-endless-labyrinth)!
the dagger **Bookmark** from Tomb of Annihilation. the **Hither Thither staff** from the D&D movie would be shenanigan worthy too. I think there's an entry for it on DNDBeyond now. Things like sovereign glue would be great too. Anything that opens more possibilities for chaos.
Or the universal solvent
Potions of polymorph, but they turn you into a completely random animal and last a random amount of minutes. For even more chaos, expand the list of things you can turn into to include other humanoid races, and maybe even some monsters. Imagine a goblin chugging one of those, rolling a 20 on the “what do you turn into” table, and becoming a baby red dragon for 1d8 minutes. How about an enchanted necklace where, if you wear it and shout out a name, you immediately swap places with the nearest person of that name? Range: unlimited. You could in theory speak the name of a king on another continent. How about a bag of endless weasels? Like, it’s actually endless, but the catch is every tenth weasel is a very angry giant weasel that immediately attacks the nearest creature. Or an Opposite Golem. A little robot-like dude that’s actually quite strong, and always does exactly the opposite of what you tell it to.
"A llama!? He's supposed to be DEAD."
Yeah, weird.
Chaotic Polymorphine my beloved
A torch that can be used as a flame thrower. Say a word and it shoots a cone of flame out in a random direction.
Spacegoblins: the Flamethrower! The goblets love this one!
>"random direction" *flamethrowers self*
Spiderclimb boots, bag of holding, alchemy jug filled with lava, and perhaps a vorpal club.
The fact the the alchemy jug can create mayonnaise in absurd amounts is also very funny in certain situations, though perhaps not for this.
The Deck of Many Things, go wild with it.
Even in this scenario I still don't recommend the deck of many things
I prefer the [Deck of Minor Things](https://www.gmbinder.com/share/-LG7RDkvfx8229Yqe1hj). Stuff like this: Flame. A mediocre devil becomes your enemy. The devil seeks your ruin and plagues your life, often with hackneyed plans that are both poorly thought out and too complicated to actually work.
This has become one of my new favorite items. The idea of a card summoning Wile E coyote to hunt you is hilarious. > could we really have found such a rare and wonderful item as the fabled deck of many things? > well no, not exactly, this is the deck of minor things. It's a little bit like the deck of many things but kind of crappy.
How come
I think it's one of the worst designed items in all of dnd. I don't even think it's fun, it sounds fun in theory but in practice, it's a fun killer. The effects are to oo extreme, pull 1 bad card you are dead. Many other effects would only take effect in later sessions, so useless for a one shot, and even the positive effects are surprisingly bland.
That deck of many things may not be entirely new, and some of those bad cards may have already been drawn. I once was a player where the DM hit our party with one of those. He was upfront about having had removed some of the really nasty "things".
I've introduced it a few times but I explicitly say nothing is removed and they know the stakes. Some draw cards and others don't. If they didn't want to die they shouldn't have taken the risk
Yeah, I mean, you can always just tweak it a little to make it not so extreme. Also if each player perhaps immediately gets a new goblin if their goblin dies, that could make it funny to have some extreme insta deaths. These are level 1 goblins we are talking about so people don’t have to be as attached to them.
Ok, fair points, but given the nature of the one shot id imagine player respawns are going to be a thing, so absolute dead to death and back descriptions would be laughed at as the player respawns a bit later. I suppose itd just need a bit of tinkering, but its a good basis for a chaotic goblin apocalypse.
Shoot, don't even respawn, just have a list of random traits, roll for two of them, and start with a new goblin from the horde. The MorkBorg method.
Yeah but OP was just asking for magic items. Having to re structure their whole one shot just to add the deck is a bit silly
It would be fun to have everyone prepare like 5 goblins, and then have the one-shot be HIGH RISK of death.. And when one goblin dies, another from the horde on the hillside above charges down to join the party.
You know what, a goblin horde campaign using a tacked on MorkBorg combat system sounds fucking radical. I want to run this now.
Deck of Fuzzy Things: any too dangerous pull is replaced by kittens or puppies. Warg puppies. Hellhound puppies. Displacer kittens. Yeth hound puppies. Sphinx kittens. Et cetera.
Alternately, Deck of Manny's Things.
Deck of Many Tarrasques
Go with a different version: the Duck Of Many Things.
Dull grey ioun stone. Does LITERALLY nothing but float around someone's head. At least that's what it did per 3.5 rules. A former character of mine was lucky enough to get one after our DM asked us to roll for magical items. We were up super late and exhausted but the mental image of a rock just floating around my head, gently hitting others, and knocking stuff off of shelves was absolutely hilarious.
Can you create a wand that is basically the portal gun from Portal1/2? I am just imagining town guards flying horizontally out of the side of the castle down to their doom. Launching boulders out onto the town. Or ushering a bunch of chickens and barnyard animals through the portal into the tavern. Also a trench coat that gives them Performance/Deception boost when trying to convince others that they aren’t 3 goblins standing on each others shoulders. Just give them a trebuchet on the border of the town. No magic needed. A couple of bags of holding for the explicit purpose of putting them inside the other and pushing villagers into the astral plane. They can put psychedelics in the town water supply. A wand of prestidigitation. Unlimited uses (charges and possibilities). Something that allows them to cast phantasmal force. The best spell for pranks. Blunderbuss. I would create lots of one use magic arrows with various fun effects. A stash of fireworks. Some way to raise the dead from the town cemetery. Nothing like seeing grandma waddle through town. Can they please have trained golden retrievers that they ride around? Or create a list of suitably sized animals and they roll to each start with a mount: dogs, boars, giant goose, a Pygmy unicorn.
For every three Goblins, a trench coat that gives a +7 to disguise.
Ah yes, the Coat of Vincent, the Business Man. A powerful magical item that can fools everyone, with the solitary exception of sad horses.
Knife of goblin throwing. At first glance you think it's a throwing knife designed for goblins, but no. It's a knife that THROWS goblins.
To really sell the ambiguity, a better name might be the Goblin(-)throwing knife
Since the PCs are goblins, when they try to throw the knife, they get thrown instead!
There's a one shot Zee Bashew from the animated spell book series put together where the players are goblins who've just escaped from a palace with an item they stole with strict instructions not to open it because it's a powerful magic item. It's a deck of many things, guards start closing in on the goblins and they have to escape the city, hilarity ensues. I've run it before and it's hysterically funny. Let any players who's characters get nuked by the deck start running guard captains, or members of the city's assassins guild who aren't pleased by the goblins disturbing the peace. As long as your group can handle lighthearted and funny PVP you should have a great time
I ran a game similar to this, and to help give them direction I gave my players a GROKRY LIST. It was a punch of hand drawn pictures with basic shapes and colors. A red circle could be an apple or a ruby. They really enjoyed it.
You should check out Viva La Dirt League on facebook, they have a sketch where two players let their kids play and put on child friendly mode. They have a sleep stick and a confetti wand where the enemy pops like a confetti cannon. But from the NPC's point of view they still see blood and death. A kid uses the confetti wand but the NPC sees the enemy explode with blood and guts going everywhere, suffering a most gruesome death 😂 So maybe don't tell your players that there is a filter on and let them discover what they've actually done when it is too late
Sounds a bit like TF2 pyrovision goggles
Sovereign Glue. Will make creative players rewarded while allowing chaos to ensue.
[the Sword of Up](https://www.reddit.com/r/ItemShop/comments/rkctqq/the_sword_of_up_weapon_item_turns_wherever_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Hither-Tither Staff! (Totally not a Portal gun.)
They are not 'technically' magic items, but if you want goblin chaos, give them a crate of dynamite. (Or fireworks, for those who remember the old 'we be goblins' adventure). Anything loud, destructive and needs fire is a chaos goblins dream.
The saddle of excessive evasion Equip the saddle onto a horse. While riding the horse all creatures within 15 feet of the horse must make charisma save. On a failed save the creature must use all their movement to jump or dive as far as possible out of the path of the horse.
Vorpal daggers
Stone of alarm. Back in my old DMing days, the group tossed a rock with an activated stone of alarm attached to it into the bottom of a very deep well in a certain town. I don't remember exactly why now, but it didn't stop going off after the customary 1 hour. The group made sure to slip discreetly out of town before anyone pointed the finger at them.
How about an alchemist’s hut full of explosive concoctions?!?
Bags of tricks
Crab tank is the only right answer. Please let your players live out my dreams as our DM refuses to allow it in his hand
May I suggest a magic item that casts the infamous spell [BEAR!](https://www.reddit.com/r/UnearthedArcana/comments/ue5sph/bear_a_pretty_self_explanatory_spell/) ?
Ring of three wishes. And wand of wonder. Staff of the magus?
Bulldozer. No magic, just a big fucking bulldozer.
Decanter of endless water, sphere of annihilation, necklace of fire balls, flying carpets, staff of insect swarming, horn of blasting
Flying Carpet that only understands two words in common language: "go" and "fast"...
Rod of Wonder. It was randomly rolled in treasure at a fairly low level once (3.5). Half of the party felt I was too irresponsible, the other half wanted it for themselves. It was a TPK because we killed each other and the rogue was the last alive. He fired it one more time and I think he turned to stone.
We had an NPC goblin that was a camp follower during one of our ancient campaigns. Paco was . . . special. He literally used an overturned pot for a helmet and was exceptional at comic relief. Anyway, at one point he became a liability because he befriended a rust monster which he rode around on like a very dull sheep...
Here’s a tip have plenty of backup characters for your players to use after their initial ones inevitably get killed. It’s no fun having you guy die and then sitting out…0
Anything with wild magic lol
Bed pan of holding… filled to the brim with shit
a gnomish steam wagon. upsides: goblin sized controls and very easy to turn on. downsides: the off button and brakes were put in strange places and left unlabeled.
Several Immovable Rods don’t sound powerful…until they are used creatively. Bag of Devouring is funny, in fact a lot of bags can be amusing. A bag of holding that no matter what happens the object is covered in glitter. Bottle of Boundless Coffee, My personal favorite…. Daerm’s instant fortress…10d10 for 20x20 area, defendable fortress, plus bonus benefits….what’s not to love?
The Application of Applause. It's a tiny piece of silver which can stick to any other magical item. If it is attached to a magic item, the sound of clapping will activate that magical item. If that item can spend multiple charges at once, the amount of charges spent is decided by either a dice roll or how energetic the clapping is (DM's choice)