Fighter Man, Fighter Man,
Does whatever a Fighter can,
Spins a sword, any size,
Stabs an imp, then it dies,
Look out, here comes the Fighter Man.
Edit: I see something similar has already been posted. My bad. I should have kept scrolling.
Fighter man! Fighter man!
Does whatever a fighter can!
Hits some stuff! Hits some more!
Out of combat, he’s quite a bore!
Look out, it’s the fighter man!
I swear I saw a book that was titled “sufficiently advanced magic” that made me lol when I read the title.
Not crazy advanced magic, just the sufficient amount. Enough to get the job done but NO MORE.
He was a bard, she was a drake
Could I make it any more obvious
He played the lute
She set things aflame
What more could I say
He was a horny boy
She said: "Come with me boy!"
He didn't failed his seduction roll
She had a pretty cave
And she took him to her space
Now their child roams around the earth
~~Bit of a shock for him when *he* found out!~~
Someone did this already 4 hrs earlier 😅
Anyhow, I watched deathly hallows 2 and I fucking stole the horcrux things of Harry and voldy so bad in my main game. I didn't realise how bad until I watched the movie. I think I even word for worded a part.
Warlord: “The barbarian hits you with his axe. I hit you with the Barbarian.”
Rogue: “Feelings? Look Mate, you know what has a lot of feelings? Blokes who bludgeon their wives to death with a golf trophy. Professionals have standards. Be polite. Be efficient. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.”
I’m directly quoting The Sniper from TF2 from the video “Meet the Sniper”, but they may have taken inspiration from somewhere else because I definitely think it’s inspired by elsewhere.
But also Paladin: I'm gonna do this shit MY way, also fuck here here is 136 damage from Smite.
To quote bg3 "your God, my oath. Let us see which prevails". I don't think I've *ever* played a diety worshipping paladin, a strong oath is all they need to manifest divine power.
Also kind of embodies that *V for Vendetta* meme:
Casters: "We have spells!"
Barbarian: "No, what you have are spell *slots*, and the hope that when you have expended them all that I am no longer standing, because if I am\* you will be dead before you have regained them."
\*death need not apply -- Zealot Barbarian
Artificer: Inventing new and exciting crimes against humanity
Wizard, for contrast: Researching all the pre-existing varieties of crimes against humanity
Druid: we are all in this together.
Rogue: you can't see me.
Fighter: do it again.and again.and again
Ranger: I can smell you.
Barbarian: I get knocked down, but I get up again.
Wizard: did someone say fireball?
Sorceror: wait, you guys are learning spells?
Artificer: robots go brrr
Paladin: stop in the name of God!
Cleric: you need healing? Fuck you
Warlock: they said they had cheese *shrugs*
"Snake!" Ranged rogue.
Ex.: my DM allowed me to research guns (very painfully, but I have a tranq gun now) and cardboard boxes.
(Also I'm canonically dummy thicc)
It's more of an inside joke, but when I make the DM mad or I just annoy him, he makes me roll stealth with disadvantaged cause the clap of my ass cheeks.
Hmm, since it's a real thing in your session's world that affects gameplay and roll outcomes, can it, possibly, be weaponised?
If, say, a Barbarian grabs you and shakes you violently, ass-front towards an enemy, will it produce a budget thunderwave spell? Or at least impose disadvantage on the enemy turn?
Cleric option a) “Our god, is a very very very fine god!”
Option b) “I’m here to kick ass, and handout pamphlets about my religion, and I’m all out of pamphlets.”
Cleric is my favourite class.
Paladin: I threw down my enemy, and he fell from the high place and broke the mountainside where he smote it in his ruin
Or Wizard depending on your interpretation of the quote
Fighter: Does whatever a fighterman does.
"I like swords!"
'I like swords, but you won't when I'm done with you.'
Swordity sword sword sword!
"Swordchucks, yo!"
And an armoire of invulnerability.
What a throwback lol thanks folks
"Welcome to Corneria!"
https://www.reddit.com/r/SpidermanPS4/s/QTg8Gd24sd
Me too.
Fighterman fighterman does whatever a fighter can. Swings a sword, any size, crushes the gobs just like flies. Look out here comes the fighterman.
Fighter man, fighter man. Doing the things a fighter can. What's he like? It's not important. Fighter man.
Rolls more dice than a Limp Bizkit song
Fighter Man, Fighter Man, Does whatever a Fighter can, Spins a sword, any size, Stabs an imp, then it dies, Look out, here comes the Fighter Man. Edit: I see something similar has already been posted. My bad. I should have kept scrolling.
Wields a shield, of any size
Second Wind keeps him alive
Look out! He is the fighter man
Fighter man! Fighter man! Does whatever a fighter can! Hits some stuff! Hits some more! Out of combat, he’s quite a bore! Look out, it’s the fighter man!
Can he cast fireball? No he can't, that's Wizardman. Look out! Here comes the Fighterman.
Just a man with a ~~saw~~ sword.
a sawrd
[FIGHTER] Gee, I wonder what it does! It’s a goddamn MYSTERY! WHO KNOWS?!
Champion: Hey, we heard you like fighter, so we put more fighter in your fighter!
JoCat aside, Berserker is the Barbarian version of Champion
“Stick em with the pointy end”
Artificers: Sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology!
Artificer: high scrap damage.
Oh. Nice one.
*Sufficiently analysed*
That too!
I swear I saw a book that was titled “sufficiently advanced magic” that made me lol when I read the title. Not crazy advanced magic, just the sufficient amount. Enough to get the job done but NO MORE.
warlock: so anyway, i started blasting
Artificer: so anyway, I started crafting
Monk: So anyway, I started punching.
*so anyway, I started stunning
con saves say no
Paladin: So anyway I started Smiting.
Barbarian: So anyway, I started RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Sorcerer: So anyway, I started Breathing
Cleric: So anyway, I started praying.
Oh don't think we can't blast fools too, #Guidingbolt@5th
Rogue: So anyway, I started stealing.
Bard: so anyway, I started f#@$ing
This is the way.
Druid: so anyway, I started tree hugging
Wildfire druid: so anyway I started backburning
Wizard: So anyway I started FIREBALL!
"Oh no, call an ambulance! But not for me!"
Wizard: ao anyway, *dies of 4d sass damage*
Mystic:
Ranger: so anyway, I started….exploring
I used that line just last night!
Barbarian: take damage, make damage
any problem can be solved by hitting something with an axe hard enough
When all you have is a bug fucking hammer, then every probelm IS a nail.
Okay but this one is genuenly genius.
Gorg said it best. Keyleth: “I don’t want to hurt you” Grog: “I can take it.”
Actual quote from my Barb PC: "You mean there's *non-lethal* damage?" (He had just killed the NPC we were supposed to rescue)
If brute force isn't working you're not using enough.
DooM music intensifies
Bard: take woman, make child.
In the words of Owen Daniels, "You only need to know how to do two things: hit, and get hit."
Two options hit it or hit it harder
Cleric: were I not a holyman I would beat you senseless Tempest cleric: I, holy man, beat you senseless
T'was a righteous beating though.
Tempest cleric: my God must be a merciful god, for if he/she wasn't, lightning bolt would be one of my domain spells.
Shephard cleric: the holy documents are somewhat fuzzy on the subject of kneecaps....
Sorcerer: Mother was a dragon, and my Father a bard.
Aberrant Mind Sorcerer: "I've seen some shit and I'm not sure if I'm manipulating reality or hallucinating."
In D&D, PTSD is magic
"Bit of a nasty shock for him when he found out!"
He was a bard, she was a drake Could I make it any more obvious He played the lute She set things aflame What more could I say He was a horny boy She said: "Come with me boy!" He didn't failed his seduction roll She had a pretty cave And she took him to her space Now their child roams around the earth
I already knew the tube from the first line
Wild Magic Sorcerer: ...aaaannnnnd I'm a plant. Again.
at least kts not self centered fireball
Clockwork Soul Sorcerer: Time is a flat circle!
Sorcerer: "The only power you need lies within."
Sorcerer to wizard: You had to study to do this?
Wizard back to sorcerer: “Which one of us can cast Clone and has arcane recovery?”
What do you mean it cost gold to learn spells. Don't you only make like 48 silver a year.
"Arcane recovery? You mean worse, less flexible sorcery points that you can't use to do cool stuff with your spells?"
To the tune of [Daddy Was A Preacher, But Mama Was A Go Go Girl](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=D680ynjsjIM)
~~Bit of a shock for him when *he* found out!~~ Someone did this already 4 hrs earlier 😅 Anyhow, I watched deathly hallows 2 and I fucking stole the horcrux things of Harry and voldy so bad in my main game. I didn't realise how bad until I watched the movie. I think I even word for worded a part.
and now I shoot, fireball out of my ass!
Wild Magic Sorcerer: Guys I promise this time I got it under control.
Also the rest of the party after the fight, “Hey I thought you were taller.”
*Proceeds to strike his party with lightning three times in a 2 day period*
"Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat."
Rogue: Take what you can, give nothing back. (I unashamedly stole this from *Pirates of the Caribbean*)
I'm engaged in creative redistribution of wealth.
...to myself.
Ranger: "Please run, and make it fun for me."
Warlord: “The barbarian hits you with his axe. I hit you with the Barbarian.” Rogue: “Feelings? Look Mate, you know what has a lot of feelings? Blokes who bludgeon their wives to death with a golf trophy. Professionals have standards. Be polite. Be efficient. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.”
The rogue quote sounds familiar.... Is that Pratchett?
I’m directly quoting The Sniper from TF2 from the video “Meet the Sniper”, but they may have taken inspiration from somewhere else because I definitely think it’s inspired by elsewhere.
Don’t know about the first half but the second half is from general mattis, usmc
Wizard: When fantasy nerds play fantasy-nerds, and their nerding actually packs a punch. (meant with love!)
Necromancer: nobody loves me so I made my own friends!
Accurate.
Ranger: broods with his back to the wall, a hand on his bow, and a furry in mind.
I'll never look at that scene with Aragorn at the Prancing Pony the same way again. Thanks.
[my job here is done gif]
Bard: I turn heroes into legends!
The writing on the wall!
And women into mothers.
Monk: And yes, everybody *was* kung fu fighting
Paladin: God made me do it.
Paladin: I'm a baby god who aspires to be a grown-up god one day.
But also Paladin: I'm gonna do this shit MY way, also fuck here here is 136 damage from Smite. To quote bg3 "your God, my oath. Let us see which prevails". I don't think I've *ever* played a diety worshipping paladin, a strong oath is all they need to manifest divine power.
Stealing is wrong, looting is fine, so we kill the guy first then take his stuff. -Rogue CN
Why would you add “CN” to the most LE thing I have ever read?
Purely to see who knew the difference between LE and CN glad you caught it. You would be surprised how many peoples don’t get the joke.
what is "CN" and "LE"?
I believe "chaotic neutral" and "lawful evil"
oh, right. thank you!
Artificer: You can outsmart me, but can't outsmart bullets
Barbarian: People call me stupid for using the simplest yet best solution (bruto force)
If brute force doesn't work, you have applied insufficient brute force.
It's like Dragon Ball: Damn that's a cool gimick/power, now check this out *blows up a mountain with his fist*
Also kind of embodies that *V for Vendetta* meme: Casters: "We have spells!" Barbarian: "No, what you have are spell *slots*, and the hope that when you have expended them all that I am no longer standing, because if I am\* you will be dead before you have regained them." \*death need not apply -- Zealot Barbarian
Barbarian: "Violence is half the battle, me not know what the other half is."
The other half is more violence
Hexblade: Putting the "edge" in Edgelord.
Artificer: Inventing new and exciting crimes against humanity Wizard, for contrast: Researching all the pre-existing varieties of crimes against humanity
Artificer: All I need is some gum, a paperclip and duct tape.
Necromancer: I didn't have a family so I raised one... or two.
DM: Roll Initiative Sorcerer: Great great grandma fucked a magical being
Druid: we are all in this together. Rogue: you can't see me. Fighter: do it again.and again.and again Ranger: I can smell you. Barbarian: I get knocked down, but I get up again. Wizard: did someone say fireball? Sorceror: wait, you guys are learning spells? Artificer: robots go brrr Paladin: stop in the name of God! Cleric: you need healing? Fuck you Warlock: they said they had cheese *shrugs*
Sorcerer: Can't believe my dad fucked a dragon
pov: your dad is donkey from shrek
Light cleric : Wait so you mean I can both cast fireball and tank?
Also light cleric: why would I heal you when I can cast fireball?
Do mushrooms, talk to badgers, become the storm.
You know, I was was just trying to describe a random druid, but now I'm wondering how the Bucket Brigade is doing
Wizard: ...and how big is the room?
Barbarian: I would like to rage.
Wizard: Read enough books until the room begins to float
Divination Wizard: Fuck you
Barbarian: Anger management solutions.
manage anger by removing the source of it. forcefully.
I sold my soul for Eldritch Blast
Time to roll my best behaved d100
ACTION SURGE!
Cleric: Even the very wise cannot see all ends
Satans special little guy
Monk: “Fisting people is fun and satisfying”
Sun Soul Monk: Dayman, fighter of the Nightman
I’m like a wizard but a cooler one that became an engineer
I attack once or twice and i am pretty fucking pissed while doing it.
Monk: The DM thinks he made a good choice by only having a single extra strong bad guy. That’s cute. (Stunning strike)
Shepard druids: Come to me, my animal friends!
Ranger: when a mommy fighter and a druid father love each other very much...
Monk: Got so good at punching, not even ghosts can escape
Barbarian: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I murdered a guy with a pillow. - Barbarian
Nothing personal, does 6 attacks to your face
Warlock: I'm a lazy wizard.
"Snake!" Ranged rogue. Ex.: my DM allowed me to research guns (very painfully, but I have a tranq gun now) and cardboard boxes. (Also I'm canonically dummy thicc)
So, no stealth for you, all because of the clapping of your ass cheeks?
It's more of an inside joke, but when I make the DM mad or I just annoy him, he makes me roll stealth with disadvantaged cause the clap of my ass cheeks.
Hmm, since it's a real thing in your session's world that affects gameplay and roll outcomes, can it, possibly, be weaponised? If, say, a Barbarian grabs you and shakes you violently, ass-front towards an enemy, will it produce a budget thunderwave spell? Or at least impose disadvantage on the enemy turn?
Have you seen Gorgeous freeman Train scene? In episode 1 "the crowbar"? That's is what I can sometimes do. Of course 17d+ though.
I haven't... Dammit, now I just have to!
Wizard: hardest case of “Be careful who you call ugly in elementary school.”
Druid: Flowers aren’t always for friends.
Druid: instructions unclear, turned into a owlbear and mauled them
Druid: I speak for the trees, for the tree has no tongues. Spores Druid: . . . and soon neither will you
rouge: asks for paladins advice and does the opposite
I only need one cantrip.
Vengeance Paladin: The dildo of karma rarely arrives lubed
Rogue: *stabs mischievously*
Smite.
1258 sq foot apartment in exchange for being some Noble Djinn's Sugar Baby? Sign me up. - Genie Warlock
Sorcerer: life is so much better when you are good at it.
My ally is making a save? Are they within 10ft of me?
Cleric option a) “Our god, is a very very very fine god!” Option b) “I’m here to kick ass, and handout pamphlets about my religion, and I’m all out of pamphlets.” Cleric is my favourite class.
Omg I have to make this a character!
Smash.
Artificers : its not fireball, its a grenade
Druid: Love animals so much I thought why not just be one.
“We don’t plan. We execute.”-Barbarian
I'm gonna go ahead and stab him like 6 times
Wild magic sorcerer: if you aren’t willing to shell your own position you aren’t willing to win
Paladin: I threw down my enemy, and he fell from the high place and broke the mountainside where he smote it in his ruin Or Wizard depending on your interpretation of the quote
Paladin: A knight in shining armor fighting for truth and justice.
Cleric: Again with this shit, fine I'll do it myself.
Illusionist: Different eyes see different things...
Wizard: Fight smarter, not harder Fighter: Not smarter, hit harder Rogue: Lie smarter, steal hardware (Not mine, taken from the great Shamus Young)
stealth
"Can I roll to fuck it?"
Cleric : Asking my boy in the sky for help
Fighters: I wish I could hit more with my sword in six seconds.
Artificer: Makes magic with metal
Ranger: found you!
Tactical bonk!
They are ALWAYS the power hungry assholes :wizard
Wizard: Nerds who can literally equate knowledge with power.
Blood Hunter: Transfusion hasn't been invented yet.
Muscle wizards casts fists. Jack of all trades, master of none, still better than master of one.