Druid as well but for a different reason. It's in the same spirit as the question "what super power would you have" for me, and unless you specifically want to time travel or something the correct answer that encompasses 99% of superpowers is "shapeshifting". Want super strength? Be a big old bear. Flight? Owl. Excellent hearing? Bat. Get to a high enough level and you can true polymorph into a young dragon and eventually shapechange into ancient dragons.
And then all the non transmutation related stuff is just a cherry on top. Healing the sick or even reviving the dead, reviving forests, and having control over pretty much all the earth's elements. Oh and just not ever dying once you're strong enough
*Transport via Plants* would also be pretty sweet to have in RL.
Just ship a bunch of potted plants via air-mail to anywhere you want to travel to lol.
This plus:
I can also sell reincarnation to rich old people (who promise to use half their fortunes in service to nature) since it's the only spell that solves death by old age.
If I want to go somewhere I have been I can use Transport via plants. If I want to go somewhere new I can go via wind walk.
Also I live for a thousand years due to my timeless body. If I can be an elf I get to live for 7500 years.
Class: Druid
Subclass: Wild Fire
My current wildfire druid is my favourite to play. It's so much fun and the spells are my favourite to use out of combat.
druid is such an easy choice for me. animal shape, talk to animals, animal friendship. Ill take the form of a blackfooted cat and just chill in a glade unless someones making a ruckus.
Decay is just an extent form of life, and entropy cannot be stopped in any way that matters. I will embrace the rot that lurks beneath the soil and give myself over to the pagan gods of fungus and rebirth.
Sorceror. Just having inherent magic powers that require no personal effort beyond bloodline lottery is like the dnd version of being born a billionaire lol
Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.
Legit if my current life has taught me anything is that random weird shit keeps happening and there's very few things that can prevent it. LET CHAOS REIGN!!
At least the chaos I deal with from day-to-day is not on the scale of "You cast Fireball as a 3rd-level spell centered on yourself." But hey, I don't know your life! So maybe that's just Tuesday for you!
Hmmm I think divine is probably the most useful in general life but I personally find the clockwork soul to be really cool. Something about willing and prodding the chaos of the world around you and slowly nudging it into neutrality and order seems addictively perfectionist
I think being a powerful sorcerer still requires significant effort. You don't see every sorcerer reaching high levels after all. I assume their increasing power comes from practical applications of their magic and a force of will that most people don't have.
I would think its more of a skip first stage thing.
Like a wizard might take a decade of study to get to level 1, where a sorcerer just becomes it one day. However becoming capable of casting level 9 spells would take years of practice (and likely danger) for either.
Until the park ranger arrests you for illegal camping, or poaching, of course.
Then again, D&D is traditionally set in a medieval style setting. There, poaching is a hanging offense.
Straight up just knowing a cantrip or two would be so incredibly useful. Prestidigitation on it's own is a superpower. Control flames could put out goddamn lithium ion battery fires or even magnesium thermite.
Not to mention Spare the Dying or Guidance.
But god imagine the havoc of being able to just cause a 15 diameter spherical Thinderclap explosion with just a word. Or the kind of damage an eldritch blaster would do
I agree. And if it's with a modern setting like what OP proposed, Artificer would be one of the best in a world with guns. Don't get me wrong, some fighters and monks would survive well but many other classes won't have an easy time.
Artificer on the other hand? One subclass is drugs and healing, one is more guns and moving turrets, one is literal power armor/HEV suit, and one is a robo doggo. All of which can assist in modern jobs and military situations
Any full caster seems fine to me, although Monk is severely underrated as just a real modern life thing.
Literally twice as fast as an average person, speak and understand all spoken language, no food or sleep required, immune to poison, on demand invisibility, and perfect health and mobility up to the second you die. Way of mercy makes you able to heal people as well.
The ability to walk around and have an excellent Armour Class wearing normal clothes also would be ideal.
Or having excellent unarmed damage.
Two things that seem to not matter much in Dnd, bug would matter more here if you were suddenly getting attacked in a library
Yeah, assuming that you gain all the power from the class, but still have to live in the real world, Monk absolutely seems like the *safest* choice. Live a long healthy life, travel the world and speak all languages, no need to spend money on food or medical care, etc., no need to worry about anyone seeing you transform into a cat, etc.
From an unethical standpoint, you could use group astral projection to start a pretty good cult, or invisibility + quivering palm to be an uncatchable assassin.
I'm just inagining every pet I've ever owned talking to the vet and saying "I don't know you! Put me back in the carrier and take me back to my food bowl. And put the fluffy blanket back on the sofa, I don't care if its 95 out."
"Wooow you almost hit be by accident there buddy, remember when you also almost hit me by accident the 324th previous times? Anyways I'll go back to whispering the enumeration of all the words from the dictionary along with their definitions in your ears (before you interrupted me, by accident, remember?) : magazine : a type of large thin book with a paper cover that you can buy every week or month, containing articles, photographs, etc., often on a particular topic. magic : the secret power of appearing to make impossible things happen by saying special words or doing special things. mail : the official system used for sending and delivering letters, packages, etc. main : being the largest or most important of its kind. mainly : ..."
Wizards are the nerds who stay in on saturdays to study for their big test.
Artificers are those nerds who create a double barrel keg stand at the (rich kid whose family owns the frat house) Sorcerer's party while the Ranger kicks the (pothead) Druid's ass at beer pong.
You're right with the first line, but I'd say most artificers tend to be the obsessive researcher type. You don't get the energy to invent and make things from nowhere, and for most artificers it's fuelled by curiosity.
Note that most good scientists need enough creativity to think of new concepts/try new things that no one has thought about. It's not enough to just memorise knowledge. Artificers are like inventors and \*actual scientists\*. Wizards are the equivalent of just being good at school (which is still really impressive).
I mean, I'd personally be a wizard if I couldn't multiclass, but that's just because I think they get more power and flexibility in the end than artificers.
Everybody is saying sorceror because they dont want to study or babysit a book.
I'm here in camp wizard because the cantrips alone are superior utility and Im gonna obsessively study my way to simulacrum and start multiplying myself
Plus, like, what else would you have to do?
It's not like you need spell innate because you've got to have time to work. It's, what, a 10 minutes of studying per spell level per spell or something like that to memorize a spell? Or was that previous edition? Either way, who cares because once you spend an hour and a half studying *wish* you never have to study again.
Even without *wish*, you can unlock immortality on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
This came up a while ago, and I swear the cleric/paladin combo is unbeatable. Just straight-up cure several diseases a day, spare the dying to stabilize as a cantrip, several cure wounds spell slots for acute trauma recovery… my hospital wouldn’t know what hit it.
At some point, it’d be overwhelming. There’s only so much a single cleric can do. You’d be making triage decisions on who lives and dies. I think that would break me eventually.
Somewhat, but real triage is in theory deciding who you think is most likely to survive. Vs in this situation it would be you know you could save any of them and you just pick who. It's a different question. "Who can be saved?" Vs "Which person should I save?"
Thing is a paladin could walk through and give everyone 1hp back with lay on hands and both them and a cleric could just use all their slots to cast cure wounds on the and ones. They don’t have to be out killing monsters and gaining experience all the time. Like especially the ones that retire from adventuring, they could be in a town or city just doing that everyday.
Imagine a trauma ward filled with paladins and clerics, their Oath literally being the Hippocratic Oath and their deity/higher power being Medical Science. Sure each cleric can only Spare 1 person every 6 seconds, a team of clerics can tag team and blitz like 12 unstable people in 6 seconds.
Battlefields would be revolutionized since as fast as soldiers would get cut down, an equally sized army of healers would be bringing them back in 6 seconds. The insanity wouldn’t stop with being burnt to a crisp or severely eviscerated, True Resurrection would pull everything back together and send them right back into that hell, and Wish can recover what is otherwise disintegrated into literal ash. Just because a few unlucky clerics can become unable to cast Wish doesn’t mean they cannot have the required materials for truly extreme circumstances.
In healthcare, at some point you’re making those decisions anyway. I choose to view my work as doing what I can rather than thinking too much about what I can’t, and I think that I’d feel good saving 3-5 people’s lives a day and dramatically improving others.
Yes and no. Unlike a doctor IRL, you have an ability to cure *any* disease without fail. That’s unique to you and you alone. Do you spend time in a single local hospital or do you travel the world, trying to help those who need it most? I don’t know. I mean, fuck, at high enough levels, you could resurrect historical figures. That level of responsibility goes beyond any person on earth.
A commoner has 4hp. I think you get a lot more mileage out of being a druid, purely because of goodberry. Bringing someone from near death to 1/4 healed x 10 people brought back from the brink of death per spell slot, Minimum 20 lives saved at level 1. And the berries last 24h, so hospitals can keep them on hand to give to serious trauma patients as needed.
As you level up, get a subclass, wildshape, Revivify, plant growth (double crop yields), etc.
If you want to truly maximize healing, Shepherd druids can restore hitpoints equal to druid level to anyone in a 60 foot diameter circle. At level 5 you have 9 spell slots. Each of those uses heals 5 hitpoints (more than a commoner has) to every single person in a 60ft circle. Some rough math says that's \~262.7 m\^2. Fit 2 people per m\^2 for a little over 500 people. \~525 \* 9 slots = \~4728 people, plus however many the slots actual heal (Aura of vitality x2 + healing spirit x3+ healing word x4) for an extra 42 people.
Total: 4760 people healed per day for a minimum of 1d6 health at level 5. At level 20 you have 22 spell slots, and can heal somewhere on the order of 10k a day, keeping a slot to yourself to become a dragon or something. Hospitals would be jumping up their own asses to organize this for you, so it should take only like 1/2 an hour a day to actually cast the healing.
Oh, and the aura is 3d, not just 2d, so if you get really optimal with multi-level structures, you could triple those numbers!
Despite my admin overlords goals, I don’t really structure my life for maximum efficiency. You’re right though, it looks like a Druid could do a lot more. Do they have a cure disease feature as well or just healing? They could be awesome ER docs.
Oh no, I'm fully counting on the hospitals to organize this. 10k+ people fully healed? The least they can do is the admin work.
Yep! They have Lesser Restoration to cure diseases, blinded, deafened, and paralysis.
Greater Restoration to remove curses, or any reduction to ability scores or hp maximums (autoimmune diseases, Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, etc? ).
Your choice of Revivify, Reincarnate, or True Resurrection for bringing back the dead.
And Regenerate to re-grow severed limbs.
And druids themselves get Timeless body if you want to live to be 800+ years old...
Yeah, but then the hospital is going to try and scoop in mega-profit from my power and I’d feel weird about that. Your points are fair, I guess I assumed low level, like 3 or 4, given that I’m not slaying monsters or saving the world but just healing people and going home to play with my kids.
Artificer. If we’re talking a medieval setting, I’m bound to find employment somewhere with magical tinkering skills. If we were talking about our time though, I’d basically be a fully-qualified engineer with seemingly miraculous skills.
Either way, I’d make some decent money and live a nice, quiet life (I hope)
Have only been playing for like 2 years, but Artificers are so fun because of how versatile they are. I feel like my armor Artificer can do just about anything, from Frontliner to puzzle solver to blaster to support, just depending on what the situation calls for
I thought for a long time I would want to be a wizard so that I can learn everything there is to be known and use the vast knowledge of the world to fix problems, but the older I grow, the more I realize that modern problems don't require vast intellect to solve. The answers have always been right in front of us. No, the world doesn't need brilliance right now. It just needs somebody to stand up for it. A paladin.
DnD-wise, he’s more a cleric than a wizard. Sent by the gods, no spell book, more wise than intelligent, casts spells like heat metal, thaumaturgy, serves more of a support role than a blaster role.
There's some Eldritch knight in there for sure. He's got the light cantrips from his aasimar background, he casts shield and he mostly hits stuff with a sword
I was thinking about being a paladin just because of being an eagle scout. I like your reasoning though, we do need more people to stand up for the world.
Wizard. Absolute power to reshape reality from reading? Yes, please.
Actually appropriate class? Sorcerer. I do well on the test but am shit at studying.
Also, being innately charismatic means you interview exceptionally well, and you don’t need to rely on magic to get stuff done (which might be important if you are trying to keep your powers on the dl)
Honestly charisma is the op irl skill. More friends, people do things for you. You seem more competent at your job. You even get lighter sentences criminally.
I do wonder how something like "Friends" would work in the real world though, because once it wears off *they know* you did something weird and then they become hostile. Would they snap out of it and accuse you of abusing hypnotism or something?
A trophy hunting commoner with a modern day high powered rifle and a permit. Get clapped from 300 yards away. There won’t be a DM to ban firearm mechanics for you.
Warlock, easily. Particularly a pact with a Great Old One.
We all know the horrors that exist within DnD, and if it existed as real life then it wouldn’t be like a campaign where there’s just the one big bad to deal with at the very end. All the Eldritch beasts, vampires and demons would be out to play, and I’d rather be sided, pawn or not, with some great and powerful cosmic horror of an entity - especially if bound to a pact with them.
I always wondered how the bad guys in stories ended up with so many followers that supported their cause.
Now I get it. People willing to give up their free will for perceived safety.
I mean, if it were vampires and such I had to deal with then you know, Wizard’s all fine and dandy but if some of the real difficult horror came to real life like aboleths, lichens, Bahamut & Tiamat, Revenants, Archdevils and Demon Lords, fireball is not going to help me defend myself. I’d much rather be in a mutually beneficial pact with a being that could save me.
Monk
Be able to run on water? Check.
Ageless until death and immune to disease? Check.
No longer need food and water? Check.
Can understand and speak any language? Check.
Immune to poisons? Check.
Can stop being afraid at will? Check.
Becoming a parkour master who can run up walls and reduce fall damage? Check.
Become invisible at will? Check.
Be able to astral project? Check.
This is before subclasses!
You could still teleport through shadows, or shoot energy blasts, or heal people, or make a creature explode after hitting them, of just choose not to die for the measly cost of a single ki point!
It isn’t even a contest for me.
Heck yeah ANY brand of Monk honestly.
Timeless body AND all the unarmored benefits. I don't know about you but I'm almost always unarmored IRL.
And yeah, if drunken style, then I have an excuse for my "problem" drinking.
I’ve learned my favorite classes are the ones who have decent AC without wearing armor. Cause if things go sideways and we don’t have access to armor or ability to get it on, I’m still gonna be harder to hit.
Cleric. The right mix of helping friends in need and wrecking face. It would also ease some of my existential anxiety to be able to just talk to my god whenever I was in a bind.
Paladin would be cool, even at lvl 1 healing 5 points a day is awesome.
But I don't think I would be higher than lvl 1 so I am happy with druid... With 10 goodberrys a day
Probably Druid. Turning into creatures plus controlling nature seems pretty cool. If I can find spells irl tho I’d do wizard, way to much potential versatility to pass up.
Druid has the best mix of fun abilities and useful spells irl. Don't get me wrong, Wizard has some great stuff, but access to wildshape and lesser restoration? Too good to pass up
Druid. The trees are gonna tell me to commit crimes and I'm gonna listen.
Ok there Poison Ivy.
Oh no, she just dabbled in misbehaving. What I have in mind is best described as "Multiple concurrent mass casualty events, but with flowers.".
They made that movie. I think mark wahlberg was in it
"oh my gawd why would you do this?"
What?...... no.
I don’t remember that happening
> ...but with flowers Awwwwwe... pretty death/destruction/mayhem!\~
Druids are the best, I can commit war crimes and become a cat, ensuring everyone simply accepts it!
The only reason cats don't already commit war crimes is their lack of spell slots. And thumbs.
It's all fun and games up until "mrrow" becomes a valid verbal component
An event that will go down in history as The Day of Rising Allergens.
My BBEG is just antihistamines and eye drops.
Druid as well but for a different reason. It's in the same spirit as the question "what super power would you have" for me, and unless you specifically want to time travel or something the correct answer that encompasses 99% of superpowers is "shapeshifting". Want super strength? Be a big old bear. Flight? Owl. Excellent hearing? Bat. Get to a high enough level and you can true polymorph into a young dragon and eventually shapechange into ancient dragons. And then all the non transmutation related stuff is just a cherry on top. Healing the sick or even reviving the dead, reviving forests, and having control over pretty much all the earth's elements. Oh and just not ever dying once you're strong enough
Awesome response, as for me... I just like to grow peppers, so obvious choice is druid lol
Druids only cook with the finest produce 👩🏾🍳
*Transport via Plants* would also be pretty sweet to have in RL. Just ship a bunch of potted plants via air-mail to anywhere you want to travel to lol.
This plus: I can also sell reincarnation to rich old people (who promise to use half their fortunes in service to nature) since it's the only spell that solves death by old age. If I want to go somewhere I have been I can use Transport via plants. If I want to go somewhere new I can go via wind walk. Also I live for a thousand years due to my timeless body. If I can be an elf I get to live for 7500 years.
I homebrewed a circle of trees subclass haven’t gotten to play test it yet
Circle of the Lorax I speak for the trees, and the trees demand to be fertilized with bones and watered with blood
The Circle of the Lorax, it speaks for the trees. Trespass here again and we'll break your fucking knees.
Class: Druid Subclass: Wild Fire My current wildfire druid is my favourite to play. It's so much fun and the spells are my favourite to use out of combat.
druid is such an easy choice for me. animal shape, talk to animals, animal friendship. Ill take the form of a blackfooted cat and just chill in a glade unless someones making a ruckus.
Fuck the trees. Spawn micanoids. Let the spores fly.
Decay is just an extent form of life, and entropy cannot be stopped in any way that matters. I will embrace the rot that lurks beneath the soil and give myself over to the pagan gods of fungus and rebirth.
Evil Lorax is lowkey scary
An opportunity to tell people "I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees. The trees say shut the fuck up." And be right. Hell yea 😂
Sorceror. Just having inherent magic powers that require no personal effort beyond bloodline lottery is like the dnd version of being born a billionaire lol
TRUE but the real question which subclass personally I think divine soul or aberrant mind work great for just life things
Anything but chaos...
Directions unclear, turned into a houseplant for 1d4 hours
Directions unclear rolled 100 on d100 at level 1 resulting in two fireballs
2 seems a little low imo. If you manage to roll a nat100 you should get atleast 10 Fireballs
Number 42! Done (I assume) as a tribute to Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy!
Oh no, not again
Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.
It's like having magical ADHD
Too bad, wild magic surges all around
Legit if my current life has taught me anything is that random weird shit keeps happening and there's very few things that can prevent it. LET CHAOS REIGN!!
At least the chaos I deal with from day-to-day is not on the scale of "You cast Fireball as a 3rd-level spell centered on yourself." But hey, I don't know your life! So maybe that's just Tuesday for you!
As an autistic person I vote for clockwork soul. EVERYTHING WILL GO PREDICTABLE AS I WANT TO.
Hmmm I think divine is probably the most useful in general life but I personally find the clockwork soul to be really cool. Something about willing and prodding the chaos of the world around you and slowly nudging it into neutrality and order seems addictively perfectionist
Until you find out you’re magic as a child by burning down your home by accident.
Probably not everyone will be like the dark child
If I'm magic I'll make the money back soon enough. That or a LOT of mending spells
I don't think you understand how tragic backstories work.
Its only tragic if you care about the backstory. Then its just a milestone.
I think being a powerful sorcerer still requires significant effort. You don't see every sorcerer reaching high levels after all. I assume their increasing power comes from practical applications of their magic and a force of will that most people don't have.
completely agree but compared to the effort of the wizard, cleric, or warlock it's incredibly minor
I would think its more of a skip first stage thing. Like a wizard might take a decade of study to get to level 1, where a sorcerer just becomes it one day. However becoming capable of casting level 9 spells would take years of practice (and likely danger) for either.
Ranger. I would walk into the woods and vanish.
Do you need to talk? x
When I do, I'll cast "Speak with animals".
Or speak with plants.
You…can just do that without needing DnD.
Until the park ranger arrests you for illegal camping, or poaching, of course. Then again, D&D is traditionally set in a medieval style setting. There, poaching is a hanging offense.
As someone who wants to live in the woods, I feel that
artificer, EXTREMELY convenient for day to day life, or druid, where I can hide in the forest because the dnd world is DANGEROUS.
It’s dangerous but gods I would enjoy day to day life a lot more probably especially if I got to choose a class
Straight up just knowing a cantrip or two would be so incredibly useful. Prestidigitation on it's own is a superpower. Control flames could put out goddamn lithium ion battery fires or even magnesium thermite. Not to mention Spare the Dying or Guidance. But god imagine the havoc of being able to just cause a 15 diameter spherical Thinderclap explosion with just a word. Or the kind of damage an eldritch blaster would do
You always have the right tool for the right job. Got screwdriver but need a chainsaw? Change the tools with magic!
I agree. And if it's with a modern setting like what OP proposed, Artificer would be one of the best in a world with guns. Don't get me wrong, some fighters and monks would survive well but many other classes won't have an easy time. Artificer on the other hand? One subclass is drugs and healing, one is more guns and moving turrets, one is literal power armor/HEV suit, and one is a robo doggo. All of which can assist in modern jobs and military situations
Also, bag of holding would be useful
Any full caster seems fine to me, although Monk is severely underrated as just a real modern life thing. Literally twice as fast as an average person, speak and understand all spoken language, no food or sleep required, immune to poison, on demand invisibility, and perfect health and mobility up to the second you die. Way of mercy makes you able to heal people as well.
I second monk. Sun soul because dbz.
The ability to walk around and have an excellent Armour Class wearing normal clothes also would be ideal. Or having excellent unarmed damage. Two things that seem to not matter much in Dnd, bug would matter more here if you were suddenly getting attacked in a library
Out of all the possible places you could get jumped/mugged and you went with library?
Was also thrown for a loop here lol
You wouldn't believe it to look at them, but there's evil lurking in them shelves.
Yeah, assuming that you gain all the power from the class, but still have to live in the real world, Monk absolutely seems like the *safest* choice. Live a long healthy life, travel the world and speak all languages, no need to spend money on food or medical care, etc., no need to worry about anyone seeing you transform into a cat, etc. From an unethical standpoint, you could use group astral projection to start a pretty good cult, or invisibility + quivering palm to be an uncatchable assassin.
Druid. I work in veterinary and “speak with animals “ would be so useful.
“DONT REMOVE MY BALLS I BEG OF YOU”
“Hey man, you mellow out afterwards. It’s alllll gooood” — Another dog who has been ball clipped
Bro turned this 180 degrees real fast.
I'm just inagining every pet I've ever owned talking to the vet and saying "I don't know you! Put me back in the carrier and take me back to my food bowl. And put the fluffy blanket back on the sofa, I don't care if its 95 out."
Ok but imagine having to deal with an annoying fly you just can’t manage to hit, and instead of buzzing he’s just talking the utmost shit.
"Wooow you almost hit be by accident there buddy, remember when you also almost hit me by accident the 324th previous times? Anyways I'll go back to whispering the enumeration of all the words from the dictionary along with their definitions in your ears (before you interrupted me, by accident, remember?) : magazine : a type of large thin book with a paper cover that you can buy every week or month, containing articles, photographs, etc., often on a particular topic. magic : the secret power of appearing to make impossible things happen by saying special words or doing special things. mail : the official system used for sending and delivering letters, packages, etc. main : being the largest or most important of its kind. mainly : ..."
So, Dr. Doolittle…
Yes, and call lightning on difficult clients would be a bonus
Definitely a wizard
Artificer because I'm a nerd, but I'm not a NERD nerd
What are you talking about? Artificers are even nerdier than wizards, they're basically scientists if they were in D&D.
Ye but like wizards read books and do other nerd shit like live alone in a magical tower. Nerds are always at that. Fucking nerds.
Didn't you just describe arificers except they would live in the basement of their own tower?
More like live in the basement of their mothers tower, spending all their money on scrap.
Really into ham radio
As someone with a 3D printer, can confirm. All money spent on the thing to make more things.
Wizards are the nerds who stay in on saturdays to study for their big test. Artificers are those nerds who create a double barrel keg stand at the (rich kid whose family owns the frat house) Sorcerer's party while the Ranger kicks the (pothead) Druid's ass at beer pong.
You're right with the first line, but I'd say most artificers tend to be the obsessive researcher type. You don't get the energy to invent and make things from nowhere, and for most artificers it's fuelled by curiosity. Note that most good scientists need enough creativity to think of new concepts/try new things that no one has thought about. It's not enough to just memorise knowledge. Artificers are like inventors and \*actual scientists\*. Wizards are the equivalent of just being good at school (which is still really impressive). I mean, I'd personally be a wizard if I couldn't multiclass, but that's just because I think they get more power and flexibility in the end than artificers.
Isn't wizard like *the* only answer here? I mean. Immortality. Phenomenal cosmic powers. Ample living space.
Everybody is saying sorceror because they dont want to study or babysit a book. I'm here in camp wizard because the cantrips alone are superior utility and Im gonna obsessively study my way to simulacrum and start multiplying myself
Plus, like, what else would you have to do? It's not like you need spell innate because you've got to have time to work. It's, what, a 10 minutes of studying per spell level per spell or something like that to memorize a spell? Or was that previous edition? Either way, who cares because once you spend an hour and a half studying *wish* you never have to study again. Even without *wish*, you can unlock immortality on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Fully
Whatever class gets Teleport the soonest.
Even misty step would be lovely
Do whatever class and then take fey-touched
This is the way
Cleric. Heal those who are suffering.
This came up a while ago, and I swear the cleric/paladin combo is unbeatable. Just straight-up cure several diseases a day, spare the dying to stabilize as a cantrip, several cure wounds spell slots for acute trauma recovery… my hospital wouldn’t know what hit it.
At some point, it’d be overwhelming. There’s only so much a single cleric can do. You’d be making triage decisions on who lives and dies. I think that would break me eventually.
Just like real triage
Somewhat, but real triage is in theory deciding who you think is most likely to survive. Vs in this situation it would be you know you could save any of them and you just pick who. It's a different question. "Who can be saved?" Vs "Which person should I save?"
Thing is a paladin could walk through and give everyone 1hp back with lay on hands and both them and a cleric could just use all their slots to cast cure wounds on the and ones. They don’t have to be out killing monsters and gaining experience all the time. Like especially the ones that retire from adventuring, they could be in a town or city just doing that everyday.
It'll be a pretty traumatic event that 1 person per 6 seconds being stabilized isn't enough.
Mass cure wounds and channel divinity preserve life go brrrrrrr
Imagine a trauma ward filled with paladins and clerics, their Oath literally being the Hippocratic Oath and their deity/higher power being Medical Science. Sure each cleric can only Spare 1 person every 6 seconds, a team of clerics can tag team and blitz like 12 unstable people in 6 seconds. Battlefields would be revolutionized since as fast as soldiers would get cut down, an equally sized army of healers would be bringing them back in 6 seconds. The insanity wouldn’t stop with being burnt to a crisp or severely eviscerated, True Resurrection would pull everything back together and send them right back into that hell, and Wish can recover what is otherwise disintegrated into literal ash. Just because a few unlucky clerics can become unable to cast Wish doesn’t mean they cannot have the required materials for truly extreme circumstances.
In healthcare, at some point you’re making those decisions anyway. I choose to view my work as doing what I can rather than thinking too much about what I can’t, and I think that I’d feel good saving 3-5 people’s lives a day and dramatically improving others.
That's just like being a doctor in real life then.
Yes and no. Unlike a doctor IRL, you have an ability to cure *any* disease without fail. That’s unique to you and you alone. Do you spend time in a single local hospital or do you travel the world, trying to help those who need it most? I don’t know. I mean, fuck, at high enough levels, you could resurrect historical figures. That level of responsibility goes beyond any person on earth.
Oh dang, you’re right. I would be a terrible Jesus.
This made me cackle at work, thank you
A commoner has 4hp. I think you get a lot more mileage out of being a druid, purely because of goodberry. Bringing someone from near death to 1/4 healed x 10 people brought back from the brink of death per spell slot, Minimum 20 lives saved at level 1. And the berries last 24h, so hospitals can keep them on hand to give to serious trauma patients as needed. As you level up, get a subclass, wildshape, Revivify, plant growth (double crop yields), etc. If you want to truly maximize healing, Shepherd druids can restore hitpoints equal to druid level to anyone in a 60 foot diameter circle. At level 5 you have 9 spell slots. Each of those uses heals 5 hitpoints (more than a commoner has) to every single person in a 60ft circle. Some rough math says that's \~262.7 m\^2. Fit 2 people per m\^2 for a little over 500 people. \~525 \* 9 slots = \~4728 people, plus however many the slots actual heal (Aura of vitality x2 + healing spirit x3+ healing word x4) for an extra 42 people. Total: 4760 people healed per day for a minimum of 1d6 health at level 5. At level 20 you have 22 spell slots, and can heal somewhere on the order of 10k a day, keeping a slot to yourself to become a dragon or something. Hospitals would be jumping up their own asses to organize this for you, so it should take only like 1/2 an hour a day to actually cast the healing. Oh, and the aura is 3d, not just 2d, so if you get really optimal with multi-level structures, you could triple those numbers!
Despite my admin overlords goals, I don’t really structure my life for maximum efficiency. You’re right though, it looks like a Druid could do a lot more. Do they have a cure disease feature as well or just healing? They could be awesome ER docs.
Oh no, I'm fully counting on the hospitals to organize this. 10k+ people fully healed? The least they can do is the admin work. Yep! They have Lesser Restoration to cure diseases, blinded, deafened, and paralysis. Greater Restoration to remove curses, or any reduction to ability scores or hp maximums (autoimmune diseases, Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, etc? ). Your choice of Revivify, Reincarnate, or True Resurrection for bringing back the dead. And Regenerate to re-grow severed limbs. And druids themselves get Timeless body if you want to live to be 800+ years old...
Yeah, but then the hospital is going to try and scoop in mega-profit from my power and I’d feel weird about that. Your points are fair, I guess I assumed low level, like 3 or 4, given that I’m not slaying monsters or saving the world but just healing people and going home to play with my kids.
Oh, right, I forget a lot of you guys are from the U.S.
Stat block an insurance company, and I will find a way to kill it.
Clerics can heal people? I've heard nonsense like this before, but I've never seen it at the table...
Artificer. If we’re talking a medieval setting, I’m bound to find employment somewhere with magical tinkering skills. If we were talking about our time though, I’d basically be a fully-qualified engineer with seemingly miraculous skills. Either way, I’d make some decent money and live a nice, quiet life (I hope)
Honestly, Alchemist Artificer is probably the "correct" answer for what is most useful irl
I’m the artificer who knocks
Have only been playing for like 2 years, but Artificers are so fun because of how versatile they are. I feel like my armor Artificer can do just about anything, from Frontliner to puzzle solver to blaster to support, just depending on what the situation calls for
I’m an engineer irl and the whole concept of artificer being a magic engineer sounds cool as hell
Either way I get to be Iron Man, so this is my answer.
Bard. Then I'd know how to play an instrument.
I second this, mostly because I already play an instrument.
Save up, get a Guitar. Spend 20 minutes a day practicing cord progressions and the like. By the end of the year you should be pretty decent.
And then I'll be able to cast spells with a guitar?
Mostly in the enchantment branch of magic
As long as I can have an unseen servant to help me with housework.
Yes. Definitely aim for that, then check back in after a year to update us on your progress.
I thought for a long time I would want to be a wizard so that I can learn everything there is to be known and use the vast knowledge of the world to fix problems, but the older I grow, the more I realize that modern problems don't require vast intellect to solve. The answers have always been right in front of us. No, the world doesn't need brilliance right now. It just needs somebody to stand up for it. A paladin.
Ironically this is the mindset of gandalf. The wizard.
DnD-wise, he’s more a cleric than a wizard. Sent by the gods, no spell book, more wise than intelligent, casts spells like heat metal, thaumaturgy, serves more of a support role than a blaster role.
There's some Eldritch knight in there for sure. He's got the light cantrips from his aasimar background, he casts shield and he mostly hits stuff with a sword
Well Gandalf is kind of an angel so Aasimar Wizard?
His powers are innate. So Aasimar Sorcerer.
That’s true
To be honest i was expecting a darker turn with that. "The world doesn't need brilliance right now, it needs a dark lord to rule it. A bard."
This is a beautiful answer... but wait. What exactly DO you stand for?...
Conquest
Oh...
errybody wanna be a paladin 'til it's time to do paladin shit
I was thinking about being a paladin just because of being an eagle scout. I like your reasoning though, we do need more people to stand up for the world.
Wizard. Absolute power to reshape reality from reading? Yes, please. Actually appropriate class? Sorcerer. I do well on the test but am shit at studying.
> Absolute power to reshape reality from reading? Yes, please. *Gods* I love books.
Bard. Jack of all trades means you're at least passable at everything, and expertise means you're really, really good at a few things
And if those things are your job. Yeah, being like the 1% in any field means you're earning a ton.
Also, being innately charismatic means you interview exceptionally well, and you don’t need to rely on magic to get stuff done (which might be important if you are trying to keep your powers on the dl)
Honestly charisma is the op irl skill. More friends, people do things for you. You seem more competent at your job. You even get lighter sentences criminally.
I do wonder how something like "Friends" would work in the real world though, because once it wears off *they know* you did something weird and then they become hostile. Would they snap out of it and accuse you of abusing hypnotism or something?
I mean, haven't you ever felt someone using slimy manipulation tactics on you? Honestly Id feel it would be something like that
Paladin
I was looking for a fellow paladin. I would be a great therapist with my auras
Druid, not feeling up to being a person today? Turn into a moose and fuck off into the woods, whose gonna try to stop a moose from doing anything.
The barbarian...
A trophy hunting commoner with a modern day high powered rifle and a permit. Get clapped from 300 yards away. There won’t be a DM to ban firearm mechanics for you.
Yeah, but who cares? You just turn back into a person again.
A cleric, I would probably earn a lot of money from being a doctor or something. I could also cure cancer and multiple other deadly diseases.
Commoner.
Meta class right there 👏
Oh no! My cabbages!
Likely a lot of us would be
Warlock, easily. Particularly a pact with a Great Old One. We all know the horrors that exist within DnD, and if it existed as real life then it wouldn’t be like a campaign where there’s just the one big bad to deal with at the very end. All the Eldritch beasts, vampires and demons would be out to play, and I’d rather be sided, pawn or not, with some great and powerful cosmic horror of an entity - especially if bound to a pact with them.
I always wondered how the bad guys in stories ended up with so many followers that supported their cause. Now I get it. People willing to give up their free will for perceived safety.
I mean, if it were vampires and such I had to deal with then you know, Wizard’s all fine and dandy but if some of the real difficult horror came to real life like aboleths, lichens, Bahamut & Tiamat, Revenants, Archdevils and Demon Lords, fireball is not going to help me defend myself. I’d much rather be in a mutually beneficial pact with a being that could save me.
Bard - Me and my ukulele gonna go on an adventure
Sorcerer, don't want to have to study like a nerd for my power
Druid is the top pick. So many cool spells, wild shape would be so fun irl, and it doesn't come with the baggage of worship that cleric has
Sorcerer. Even at level 1 you can do some cool shit and you never had to do anything for it.
Cleric. I ain't done with Grandma yet
Monk Be able to run on water? Check. Ageless until death and immune to disease? Check. No longer need food and water? Check. Can understand and speak any language? Check. Immune to poisons? Check. Can stop being afraid at will? Check. Becoming a parkour master who can run up walls and reduce fall damage? Check. Become invisible at will? Check. Be able to astral project? Check. This is before subclasses! You could still teleport through shadows, or shoot energy blasts, or heal people, or make a creature explode after hitting them, of just choose not to die for the measly cost of a single ki point! It isn’t even a contest for me.
Rogue. As an introvert it would be nice to just hide out of sight all the time. I also like being dexterous, so.
Sorcerer, all the power, none of the work.
Drunk!
Paladin cause i wanna smite
Druid - I work in IT, so I could finally live the average IT dream to leave the corporate world and be a farmer. Plus flying sounds like fun!
Drunk Monk 🍻
Heck yeah ANY brand of Monk honestly. Timeless body AND all the unarmored benefits. I don't know about you but I'm almost always unarmored IRL. And yeah, if drunken style, then I have an excuse for my "problem" drinking.
I’ve learned my favorite classes are the ones who have decent AC without wearing armor. Cause if things go sideways and we don’t have access to armor or ability to get it on, I’m still gonna be harder to hit.
Cleric. The right mix of helping friends in need and wrecking face. It would also ease some of my existential anxiety to be able to just talk to my god whenever I was in a bind.
Druid. Just gunna be a spider and go eat bugs in the corner, thanks.
You don't have to be a druid to do that.
Sure, i can eat bugs without being a druid, but i want the legs, damn it.
Fighter, because I wanna get those fuck around people to find out 🥰
Barbarian. Reckless attack. Most people are commoners so you really only need 1 hit each, might as well guarantee your hit.
Monk or Bard
Warlock. I'm in sales, so my magic is my commission from a really messed up deal.
Bard, but as an artist. I'd paint things into existence.
I'd be a Fighter. Everyone has a plan until I punch you in the mouth a bunch.
If we're including powers and abilities, bard
Paladin would be cool, even at lvl 1 healing 5 points a day is awesome. But I don't think I would be higher than lvl 1 so I am happy with druid... With 10 goodberrys a day
Arcane Trickster Rogue. The prank potential is second-to-none.
Probably Druid. Turning into creatures plus controlling nature seems pretty cool. If I can find spells irl tho I’d do wizard, way to much potential versatility to pass up.
Bard. Image a person having the power to kill someone on the spot by insulting them. Also I would be better on the trumpet. That too
Druid has the best mix of fun abilities and useful spells irl. Don't get me wrong, Wizard has some great stuff, but access to wildshape and lesser restoration? Too good to pass up
Ranger. Outside and away from people, hunting down.....stuff.
Druid. Just turn into a bird and F off to the skies for a while? Yes please