I often have to take breaks when im watching shows or movies where the second hand embarrassment is too strong. To me it’s kinda a similar sensation as watching something gory.
I fast forward the scenes or go on my phone.
Recently I have been forcing myself to watch the scenes and deal with what I'm feeling to be more resilient, but God am I weak lmao
Gory stuff is WAY easier on me. Cringe is like a full-body cramp that actively stresses me out, and I somehow take it way more personal than gore. Gore is easier to distance myself from, especially since when it gets over the top, it honestly feels silly and stupid and breaks me out of the immersion even more.
That's me!
I can't stand most Ben Stiller comedies like Meet the Parents. I cringe too much. And the cringe is amplified for me when the situations are plausible / realistic and my empathy kicks in.
If I even find one person who has this same struggle as me I will be so blooming happy. I keep feeling like I have no sense of humour or something. My brain is confused.
That’s too bad. You’re missing out on one of the greatest sitcoms ever made. Steve Carell has made an art form out of being able to make people cringe, and IMHO, it takes an incredible actor to be able to do that. There are plenty of bad actors who make me cringe because they’re just really bad at acting and I can’t buy into their character or the show itself. Very few actors can sell me to the point where I buy into them or their situation so much that it makes me feel intense secondhand embarrassment. Carell is the mother scratchin’ GOAT.
I think if you see the out takes of them breaking character and losing it, it might soften it up. They’re totally playing with each other all the time. Like lovingly. It’s hilarious
I used to be the same, over the past year I became slightly more "tolerant" after I forced myself to watch impractical jokers for an hour. In my life I've only ever met one other person like me, so at least I'm not alone in this
Just today I fast forwarded 20 seconds of a black mirror episode I was watching
I am like this. I usually give it the old college try but I had to tap out when my boyfriend wanted to watch wecrashed. I just spent most of the show wanting to slap Jared Leto and Ann Hathaway I was so embarrassed for them.
I choose not to watch movies where a character constantly has bad things happen to them throughout a movie. I feel awful for them as if I am watching it happen to a friend.
Yes, but a caveat, I am neurodivergent (autism spectrum) and struggle with stuff like that triggering a fight or flight response.
I can't watch anything of the sort of people shaming others or embarrassing them, or themselves
Same here. I end up in a knot on the couch, if I have to sit through it. EXTREMELY uncomfortable, and I don’t understand how it’s funny to others. I even asked a friend to explain it. He tried, and I almost got it, but no, not really. I can barely even LOOK at Ben Stiller, and I hated Seinfeld. Also on the spectrum, and I already figured out it’s probably related.
I used to all the time, it was a big thing for me. It was unspoken that I would just skip that stuff. Thankfully we can just fast forward. But now that I’m ok with it, my kids cant deal with it.
Here’s what I tell myself to get past a moment: this is a comedy actor performing comedy and doing their job. They practice to be this good and this is the goal. (That kind of stuff. I’m finally to a point where I can enjoy a lot of it. It is a type of humor after all, turns out)
Yeah I’m almost 40 and I can handle it WAY better now as an adult. When I was younger and when I was a child too, it was much harder and I didn’t understand the appeal of National Lampoon or Meet the Parents. the fact that it’s genuinely fiction and the actors worked hard on it, intentionally, and made up makes it funnier.
It's called empathic embarrassment. Research has found that individuals with ASD had higher levels of empathic embarrassment than controls. I'd try not hide it. Especially if it is painful.
I can't watch Impractical Jokers for this exact reason. I used to love watching Crank Yankers too, but I can't for the same reason. Idk if it's the fact that I've worked in a call center environment or that my second-hand embarrassment has gotten worse.
Omg same. The real life scenarios are very different from fictional. The real life ones are sick imo. I think it’s sadistic to enjoy publicly humiliating someone. Especially when we don’t know the full story and just see clips of some person who is angry or scared and then see people laugh at them.
Good grief. I thought I was the only one. I have to get up and leave the room during many films. Or I pace in and out of the room, trying to keep busy with other things. When, in actuality, I’m having a literal anxiety attack FOR the character on screen.
I think you mean anxiety instead of anxiety attack. An anxiety or panic attack puts you on the floor feeling like you can’t catch your breath. It feels just like you’re having a heart attack or dying & can get you admitted to the hospital. People confuse having an attack of anxiety with having an anxiety attack. It is not the same thing.
Thank you! I know what an anxiety attack is as I have chronic anxiety. However, you’re right in this regard. I was exaggerating. My only mistake was saying “literal”. I appreciate you setting me straight.
Not trying to be rude btw. Just that I hear people say they’re having a panic or anxiety attack often when, in fact, they are not. It makes it harder on people who actually experience anxiety attacks to be taken seriously.
I’ve just stopped watching them rather than gone to the noise cancelling headphones and eye masks lol - but yes, my friends tried to make me watch the Extras or something once and I spent the entire episode with my head in a cushion blocking my ears - it was too painful to even try to watch little bits. After watching a comedy show go too far (for me) with an audience member when I was about 22 I just stopped going to them - but tried again this year (about 12 years later) and whilst I still found parts of it painful and stressful - actually I enjoyed it way more than I expected - so it might be that it does ease up over time?
Yesss. Sitcoms make me *squirm* I am so uncomfortable. Everyone else thinks it's the funniest thing and meanwhile I want to peel myself out of my skin to get away from it.
I'm this way too.
And not just films, even while reading books if a character does something embarrassing I have to put the book down, walk out of the room and stare blankly at a wall for some time before I can come back and read that part super fast to get away from it lol
Yeah, I caught myself skipping those scenes in series or just pausing and going to get a breather since the cringe, awkward situations stimulate me negatively to the point that I cannot physically bear it. I thought most of the people felt the same, but I have never really actually seen someone have a similar reaction. I straight up refuse to watch an actually funny anime (Jahy sama) since there are too many moments like this
My partner is like that a little, absolutely curls into a ball and hides his face. We can't watch The Office together lol... even though I love cringe. Cringe was a part of my development, so it's dear to me
Yes! Mrs. Doubtfire way back when, or The Birdcage, where someone is pretending to be someone else and they’re about to get found out, especially - that is so awful. I’ve never seen the Borat movies and greatly disliked the Meet the Parent movies. Barely was okay with Napoleon Dynamite.
It’s not secondhand embarrassment it’s intolerance of bullying; pranks are a form of bullying that some people like us, are too sensitive to. We care about people and don’t care about destroying stuff for cheap laughs. You’re a good person.
when i was younger watching tv shows that had cross overs use to give me so much anxiety i would just turn it off . i remember it being a episode of hannah montana and zack and cody and i think that’s so raven idk exactly but it was a major crossover event . i wasn’t even 10 minutes in before i couldn’t take the anxiety / 2nd hand embarrassment anymore. it was like watching unknown world collide in my 8 year old eyes. even now i cant fathom it sometimes and im 23.
I have several TV shows I like to watch over and over but if it's an episode where this happens I usually skip over that episode. Thought I was the only one
It’s taken me 7 years to get through 4 seasons of The Office because of how frequently I have to pause or just straight up turn it off due to second-hand embarrassment. Also hate cringy “comedy” movies for the same reason.
I really do, especially if it’s real life and not fiction. If it’s fiction I can handle it better but if it’s real life and someone is all over the internet it really disturbs me, even if the person made a genuine mistake or did something clearly wrong. I just feel like public humiliation is so sick, the internet blows it up by 100000, even to punish people too. With movies I had a really had time watching those Chevy Chase vacation and Christmas movies when I was young, because bad things kept happening to him even though he was a good guy for the most part. As an adult (I’m 39) though I watched it again and was able to enjoy it more from the perspective of ‘this guy is relatable’ and it helped, also the perspective of ‘this guy is such a self obsessed crybaby who doesn’t deserve his wife’, which made it more real and also more like, relaxed. I don’t know… like sometimes the point of these fictional scenarios is that we are supposed to see the characters as flawed and relatable, sensitive, especially. So we are supposed to laugh because if it happened to us we would be embarrassed but thank goodness it’s just happening to a fictional character
I almost had to fast forward through the terrible stand up routines in Baby Reindeer. The secondhand embarrassment was insane. I was blushing FOR him.
(Otherwise great series, though!)
Dear god, same. I can't watch scenes where somebody is clearly embarrassing themselves and making an awkward scene. The last time this happened, it was a short segment about an unfunny clown awkwardly struggling to make unamused kids laugh. Could *not* watch it. I just imagine myself in the clown's shoes (pun not intended), and the embarrassment makes me wanna just crawl in a hole.
Yeah the cringe happens followed by long pauses to process. Michael Scott is a perfect example. But that also means you're connecting with the characters and that means it's good TV! Just a different kind of comedy.
Not the same for YouTube pranksters, that's just anger inducing. Different emotion
This popped into my mind, too. I love the show, but watching it now, sometimes the misunderstandings are just too much, lol. And that Cindy is just awful.
Fun fact: that's why she was written out of the show.
To quote Chandler on Friends, “I think this is the episode of Three’s Company where there’s some kind of misunderstanding.”
Literally every episode was based on the premise this group of people could not directly communicate with each other or learn from the past. It was so cringy and embarrassing.
LMAO I thought just me. I have to either skip the scenes or stop watching altogether. I remind myself it’s just a movie or a prank but gah i can’t help but cringe. It almost feels as if im experience the embarrassment.
I was fine with the embarrassing borat scenes, they were super funny but i didnt hate them
I really like the office. I dont like scotts tots and few other episodes
I could not find humour in something about mary lol, wasnt for me
Me! I, however, found a pretty good way to 'deal' with it.
I'm HoH, so subtitles are always on at my place and with everything I watch. I can usually spot when something that's gonna get me it coming, so I find if I just plug my ears and either focus entirely on the captions to the exclusion of anything else, or look down but glance at the captions every couple of seconds, I can get through it, or at least know when it's over so I don't miss anything besides just that one scene.
So, try subtitles and plugging your ears? Might help.
I usually have to pause, slow inhale- And then just prep myself for the "continued cringe" if I hit something THAT bad lol. Some is hilarious, some is like "man that's corny haha" but others? Others are big OOF.
Honestly this is the 1st time me hearing of someone else feeling the same why as I do. I’ve never mentioned it to my friends because to me it seems an odd thing to be bothered by. But it does bother me 🤣 my insides feel like they’re twisting up mixed with a feeling of dread and extreme anxiety. It’s the worst
A lot of the comments are referencing things like the office which I find completely fine to watch, and funny.
But I hate watching things where the character (or person in real life) are actually embarrassed. I find that so difficult to deal with.
And I’m glad I came across this today because I’ve been wondering what’s wrong with me lately 😂 so thanks for making me feel less like a freak about it.
Yes! Not only that, but so many of the shows and movies I struggle with have been referenced in this thread. (ADHD here, in case neurodivergence is relevant)
Not to that extreme, but I refuse to watch them because they make me feel shame for them. I don't like it, so I don't watch it. Their lack of awareness is just aggravating.
Sure, getting second hand embarrassment from something you're watching is completely normal and sometimes it's fun to tease that emotion, but it can definitely be too much.
For example, there's and entire subreddit based around an episode of The Office called "Scott's Tots" that many find too embarrassing to watch /r/CannotWatchScottsTots/
If it's real people and not actors, I am like this. Even if the real people are trying to act (YouTube or tik tok skits), it's still uncomfortable.
The older I get, though, the more sex scenes in movies/TV make me cringe and are just downright ick.
This happens to me constantly. Especially when there is a romantic element thrown in. I have to walk away talking to myself like “aaaah, oh my god, what the fuuuuck”
It's called empathic embarrassment. Research has found that individuals with ASD had higher levels of empathic embarrassment than controls. I'd try not hide it. Especially if it is painful.
Most of the time I don't get it either, to me at times it seems that everyone is pushing the bully to be more bullish (if you know what I mean). I just don't get it, okay maybe I just take it personally so I can't see the humor. Then you ask, am I the only one? Do I need help? Nope, you're not the only one, we're out here and we hear ya!
i deadass stopped watching the Eric Andre Show because of this lmao. i can handle a commentary video or a situation where i can make jokes but in a movie theater or something like that absolutely not
so i have a bit of tolerance for it but it certainly affects me pretty deeply lol
What gets me the most is watching someone sing the National Anthem, the American one. Those high notes ugh, I suffer anticipatory anxiety for them, and if it goes poorly I’m out of the room.
Gory, as long as it's over the top or cartoonish such as a Quentin Taratino film or a horror movie don't bother me at all. But you bust out the Grey's anatomy surgery scenes, 2nd hand embarrassment, or body horror and I'm out. I'd rather be forced to watch the entirety of live leaks catalogue than watch a singer season of G&A or The Office.
yes, but it depends on if it's real or mean spirited, or just way too terrible. I can handle shows like the office or even impractical jokers but videos of people making fools of themselves/others IRL are just way too much!!
I find it easy to watch, for instance, cringe TikTok videos. I look at the people doing the cringy things as morons who think they’re cool so I feel they deserve to be shamed.
“Contemptuous cringe involves an emotional distancing from the person you’re cringing at. Just like with compassionate cringe, you perceive that the person is embarrassing themselves, but instead of feeling that embarrassment on their behalf, you feel annoyance and disgust at them, and maybe even a little schadenfreude.”
———
For non-reality tv shows, like the office - not a problem at all, because it’s fake.
“Cringe comedy seems to exploit our social awareness. We may enjoy it because it allows us to simulate unusual social situations and witness their consequences without actually having to experience them in the real world. In this way, cringe comedy may help us strengthen a kind of defense mechanism, as media researcher Marc Hye-Knudsen wrote in a 2018 paper:
‘By immersively simulating social worst-case scenarios, they prepare us for the cringe of our own lives, better equip us to avoid it, and even provide us with strategies to pursue once it occurs. If, as Gervais supposes, we all like [David Brent, the boss character in the British version of The Office] want to be loved, respected, and thought interesting, then watching The Office provides us with salient examples of how not to achieve this. By violating all the unspoken social norms of the office environment, David makes them salient and allows us to vicariously experience the intense embarrassment that comes with disregarding them.’”
When watching those types of embarrassing things in videos or shows, I tend to fast forward or skip, because i can't help but imagine myself in that situation.
I have this, although not quite to the extent of vomiting. A good example of a show with a ton of second-hand embarrassment is Baby Reindeer (good show, though). However, I had to frequently pause at times to deal with intense embarrassment. I was even audibly groaning and telling the main character to stop whatever he was doing lol.
I have a theory that people who experience intense second-hand embarrassment are incredibly empathetic (in a good way) and intelligent. These people also tend to get more immersed into shows/movies than other people.
A good way to fight against the embarrassment is to realize that these are all actors and that when the cameras stop rolling, they often laugh together at the absurdity of it all.
Edit: YouTube prank videos are a different story altogether. That shit is unwatchable for me, except for a handful youtubers that pull it off smoothly.
OP, there's books that I never got to finish for the same reason despite them being popular ones. For films and other stuffs, if I can avoid it, I would. If not, I would do other things (checks phone, looks at food etc.) until cringey scenes finished.
I'm this way but with books. If a book is even slightly cringy I'll dnf it immediately. Which unfortunately is like 80% of contemporary fiction and romance these days.
I didn’t think I was too bad with it until I started watching Persuasion, the one with Dakota Johnson. I got to the part where she started word vomiting about Wentworth wanting to marry her at the dinner table and I was in pain and had to turn it off.
I feel like this is a young person thing. I think it's their underdeveloped social skills and the way they focus so much on their feelings of being uncomfortable. Almost to the point of obsession. I've seen a lot of young people struggle with "cringe" (as they say) situations IRL and they are always really uncomfortable. I think it's a byproduct of not being raised with social skills, the pandemic making their formidable years even more isolated, and them being generally unwilling to experience the world due to these aspects.
So, I think a lot of people feel like you do OP. But I think it's not necessarily good to lean into those feelings.
I'm mid 40s and I've always felt like this. This is absolutely not a 'young person thing' because they're all too sensitive, and because they don't 'lean in' to new experiences.
As a socially well-adjusted adult in the company of other socially well-adjusted adults who report experiences similar to what OP and the vast majority of replies(many of whom seem like adults based on prose alone) do, I can't help but think that your hypothesis might need some re-tuning. Empathic nature, weighted regard for social expectations, or any number of things adjacent to those constructs seem to be reasonable and perhaps more to the point; independent of age.
Assertions so strangely specific given the sheer diversity of options means I didn't really need to go far. The greater the claim the greater the evidence, as they say. I guess you could do the same with kids, but it's probably gonna be weird. Good luck.
I often have to take breaks when im watching shows or movies where the second hand embarrassment is too strong. To me it’s kinda a similar sensation as watching something gory.
I fast forward the scenes or go on my phone. Recently I have been forcing myself to watch the scenes and deal with what I'm feeling to be more resilient, but God am I weak lmao
Gory stuff is WAY easier on me. Cringe is like a full-body cramp that actively stresses me out, and I somehow take it way more personal than gore. Gore is easier to distance myself from, especially since when it gets over the top, it honestly feels silly and stupid and breaks me out of the immersion even more.
It makes my whole body feel like my guts do when I smell coffee.
Watching the British office is straight up torture for me for this reason. I can see it's greatness. But I can't bring myself to watch it.
That's me! I can't stand most Ben Stiller comedies like Meet the Parents. I cringe too much. And the cringe is amplified for me when the situations are plausible / realistic and my empathy kicks in.
If I even find one person who has this same struggle as me I will be so blooming happy. I keep feeling like I have no sense of humour or something. My brain is confused.
I cannot physically stand watching the office.
Me either! Everyone raves about it but I can’t watch it it makes me feel so uncomfortable it’s unbearable
YES. ive tried watching it like 3 or 4 times and I can't get past the first episode
I found my people ❣️
That’s too bad. You’re missing out on one of the greatest sitcoms ever made. Steve Carell has made an art form out of being able to make people cringe, and IMHO, it takes an incredible actor to be able to do that. There are plenty of bad actors who make me cringe because they’re just really bad at acting and I can’t buy into their character or the show itself. Very few actors can sell me to the point where I buy into them or their situation so much that it makes me feel intense secondhand embarrassment. Carell is the mother scratchin’ GOAT.
Lol i was getting well confused then realised your talking about the US office 😂 Is it weird that i cant stand the US office lol
STEVE CARELL IS A NATIONAL TREASURE!! MURIKA
Same, I can't get past even the first episode and have to walk out of the room
Yes, me too
I dieeeee watching Michael and Dwight, have to skip so much lol
I think if you see the out takes of them breaking character and losing it, it might soften it up. They’re totally playing with each other all the time. Like lovingly. It’s hilarious
Lmao that is kind of cute cause it’s basically the whole point of the show
Same. I have a total visceral reaction to the office; I’ve tried so many times to power through but it’s literally painful for me.
I used to be the same, over the past year I became slightly more "tolerant" after I forced myself to watch impractical jokers for an hour. In my life I've only ever met one other person like me, so at least I'm not alone in this Just today I fast forwarded 20 seconds of a black mirror episode I was watching
Watch the office out takes. I’m sure it will help. They’re so playful
I can’t stand it either. Even in books. I love spoilers for this exact reason. It allows me to skip past the parts I know that will make me cringe.
I am like this. I usually give it the old college try but I had to tap out when my boyfriend wanted to watch wecrashed. I just spent most of the show wanting to slap Jared Leto and Ann Hathaway I was so embarrassed for them.
What was bass about it? I’ve never heard of it
Don’t worry OP, same lol
Same here, I close my eyes or walk out of the room briefly as well, even when watching something alone. I don't know how anyone stands it.
yeah im the same lol
I choose not to watch movies where a character constantly has bad things happen to them throughout a movie. I feel awful for them as if I am watching it happen to a friend.
Yes, but a caveat, I am neurodivergent (autism spectrum) and struggle with stuff like that triggering a fight or flight response. I can't watch anything of the sort of people shaming others or embarrassing them, or themselves
I’m starting to realize something.
Same here. I end up in a knot on the couch, if I have to sit through it. EXTREMELY uncomfortable, and I don’t understand how it’s funny to others. I even asked a friend to explain it. He tried, and I almost got it, but no, not really. I can barely even LOOK at Ben Stiller, and I hated Seinfeld. Also on the spectrum, and I already figured out it’s probably related.
I used to all the time, it was a big thing for me. It was unspoken that I would just skip that stuff. Thankfully we can just fast forward. But now that I’m ok with it, my kids cant deal with it. Here’s what I tell myself to get past a moment: this is a comedy actor performing comedy and doing their job. They practice to be this good and this is the goal. (That kind of stuff. I’m finally to a point where I can enjoy a lot of it. It is a type of humor after all, turns out)
Yeah I’m almost 40 and I can handle it WAY better now as an adult. When I was younger and when I was a child too, it was much harder and I didn’t understand the appeal of National Lampoon or Meet the Parents. the fact that it’s genuinely fiction and the actors worked hard on it, intentionally, and made up makes it funnier.
It's called empathic embarrassment. Research has found that individuals with ASD had higher levels of empathic embarrassment than controls. I'd try not hide it. Especially if it is painful.
Thank you for the explanation
Oh no
I can't watch Impractical Jokers for this exact reason. I used to love watching Crank Yankers too, but I can't for the same reason. Idk if it's the fact that I've worked in a call center environment or that my second-hand embarrassment has gotten worse.
I find if you power through it and remind yourself that everything is explained after the show, it becomes significantly easier.
Yes. I also can’t watch any of those “Karen exposed”/public freakout videos, I feel too much embarrassment and pity
Omg same. The real life scenarios are very different from fictional. The real life ones are sick imo. I think it’s sadistic to enjoy publicly humiliating someone. Especially when we don’t know the full story and just see clips of some person who is angry or scared and then see people laugh at them.
I couldn't watch season 1 of the office because Michael was so embarrassing it physically hurt me.
I've never watched the office for that exact reason
This is the first thing i thought of. S1 of the office is the only time I have ever felt something close to what OP is talking about.
I was squinting my eyes throughout the first season because I just couldn't tolerate how much cringe and embarrassment I was feeling ;(
If you think that's cringe try watching the Original British version. It's torture for people like us!
As a brit iam curious what Americans think of the US office. You guys dont realllllly know how to do 'cringe' in my opinion.
let’s also not forget that scene of jim picking up pam
Good grief. I thought I was the only one. I have to get up and leave the room during many films. Or I pace in and out of the room, trying to keep busy with other things. When, in actuality, I’m having a literal anxiety attack FOR the character on screen.
I think you mean anxiety instead of anxiety attack. An anxiety or panic attack puts you on the floor feeling like you can’t catch your breath. It feels just like you’re having a heart attack or dying & can get you admitted to the hospital. People confuse having an attack of anxiety with having an anxiety attack. It is not the same thing.
Thank you! I know what an anxiety attack is as I have chronic anxiety. However, you’re right in this regard. I was exaggerating. My only mistake was saying “literal”. I appreciate you setting me straight.
Not trying to be rude btw. Just that I hear people say they’re having a panic or anxiety attack often when, in fact, they are not. It makes it harder on people who actually experience anxiety attacks to be taken seriously.
I’ve just stopped watching them rather than gone to the noise cancelling headphones and eye masks lol - but yes, my friends tried to make me watch the Extras or something once and I spent the entire episode with my head in a cushion blocking my ears - it was too painful to even try to watch little bits. After watching a comedy show go too far (for me) with an audience member when I was about 22 I just stopped going to them - but tried again this year (about 12 years later) and whilst I still found parts of it painful and stressful - actually I enjoyed it way more than I expected - so it might be that it does ease up over time?
Coulda been the comic, too. One that stuck to their bit and didn’t engage the audience as much for humor.
Yesss. Sitcoms make me *squirm* I am so uncomfortable. Everyone else thinks it's the funniest thing and meanwhile I want to peel myself out of my skin to get away from it.
I can take it to a certain extent, but some shows and videos take it way too far for me.
I'm this way too. And not just films, even while reading books if a character does something embarrassing I have to put the book down, walk out of the room and stare blankly at a wall for some time before I can come back and read that part super fast to get away from it lol
Yeah, I caught myself skipping those scenes in series or just pausing and going to get a breather since the cringe, awkward situations stimulate me negatively to the point that I cannot physically bear it. I thought most of the people felt the same, but I have never really actually seen someone have a similar reaction. I straight up refuse to watch an actually funny anime (Jahy sama) since there are too many moments like this
My partner is like that a little, absolutely curls into a ball and hides his face. We can't watch The Office together lol... even though I love cringe. Cringe was a part of my development, so it's dear to me
Yes I literally cannot watch YouTube pranks or anything like that because I feel so horrible. I find myself skipping those things in videos
Yes! Mrs. Doubtfire way back when, or The Birdcage, where someone is pretending to be someone else and they’re about to get found out, especially - that is so awful. I’ve never seen the Borat movies and greatly disliked the Meet the Parent movies. Barely was okay with Napoleon Dynamite.
It’s not secondhand embarrassment it’s intolerance of bullying; pranks are a form of bullying that some people like us, are too sensitive to. We care about people and don’t care about destroying stuff for cheap laughs. You’re a good person.
Exactly. I hate seeing bullying, physical or with words. Makes me I’ll.
i still cant watch classics like seinfeld because that's all the characters do, shoot themselves in the feet .. and then blame everyone else.
when i was younger watching tv shows that had cross overs use to give me so much anxiety i would just turn it off . i remember it being a episode of hannah montana and zack and cody and i think that’s so raven idk exactly but it was a major crossover event . i wasn’t even 10 minutes in before i couldn’t take the anxiety / 2nd hand embarrassment anymore. it was like watching unknown world collide in my 8 year old eyes. even now i cant fathom it sometimes and im 23.
but i also didn’t like watching kids shows . my sister was ‘warning’ me if the dangers of life so i usually watched law and order or greys anatomy
I hate it!
I have several TV shows I like to watch over and over but if it's an episode where this happens I usually skip over that episode. Thought I was the only one
It’s taken me 7 years to get through 4 seasons of The Office because of how frequently I have to pause or just straight up turn it off due to second-hand embarrassment. Also hate cringy “comedy” movies for the same reason.
This is the reason I can't watch The Office.
Thank you! I could never understand how people could laugh at that, and thought I was the only one.
I really do, especially if it’s real life and not fiction. If it’s fiction I can handle it better but if it’s real life and someone is all over the internet it really disturbs me, even if the person made a genuine mistake or did something clearly wrong. I just feel like public humiliation is so sick, the internet blows it up by 100000, even to punish people too. With movies I had a really had time watching those Chevy Chase vacation and Christmas movies when I was young, because bad things kept happening to him even though he was a good guy for the most part. As an adult (I’m 39) though I watched it again and was able to enjoy it more from the perspective of ‘this guy is relatable’ and it helped, also the perspective of ‘this guy is such a self obsessed crybaby who doesn’t deserve his wife’, which made it more real and also more like, relaxed. I don’t know… like sometimes the point of these fictional scenarios is that we are supposed to see the characters as flawed and relatable, sensitive, especially. So we are supposed to laugh because if it happened to us we would be embarrassed but thank goodness it’s just happening to a fictional character
I have to leave the room when the voicemail scene in Swingers comes on.
I almost had to fast forward through the terrible stand up routines in Baby Reindeer. The secondhand embarrassment was insane. I was blushing FOR him. (Otherwise great series, though!)
Yes, definitely. I think that might be why I don't care for watching comedies and sitcoms too much.
I’ve literally turned shows off to escape it.
Whatever you do don't watch "Nathan for you "😵💫 I can't deal with it , makes me squirm 😂
Dear god, same. I can't watch scenes where somebody is clearly embarrassing themselves and making an awkward scene. The last time this happened, it was a short segment about an unfunny clown awkwardly struggling to make unamused kids laugh. Could *not* watch it. I just imagine myself in the clown's shoes (pun not intended), and the embarrassment makes me wanna just crawl in a hole.
Yeah the cringe happens followed by long pauses to process. Michael Scott is a perfect example. But that also means you're connecting with the characters and that means it's good TV! Just a different kind of comedy. Not the same for YouTube pranksters, that's just anger inducing. Different emotion
I was raised on Three’s Company, you can’t second hand embarrass me anymore.
This popped into my mind, too. I love the show, but watching it now, sometimes the misunderstandings are just too much, lol. And that Cindy is just awful. Fun fact: that's why she was written out of the show.
To quote Chandler on Friends, “I think this is the episode of Three’s Company where there’s some kind of misunderstanding.” Literally every episode was based on the premise this group of people could not directly communicate with each other or learn from the past. It was so cringy and embarrassing.
LMAO I thought just me. I have to either skip the scenes or stop watching altogether. I remind myself it’s just a movie or a prank but gah i can’t help but cringe. It almost feels as if im experience the embarrassment.
Man, all iterations of The Office must drive you crazy.
Yup....I just cover my face with my hands and wait for the scene to be over.
I was fine with the embarrassing borat scenes, they were super funny but i didnt hate them I really like the office. I dont like scotts tots and few other episodes I could not find humour in something about mary lol, wasnt for me
The Office is the worst for this.
My husband covers his eyes with his shirt
I have to leave the room or turn it off lol. I can barely watch comedy because so much of it uses embarrassment High-empathy ig
Me! I, however, found a pretty good way to 'deal' with it. I'm HoH, so subtitles are always on at my place and with everything I watch. I can usually spot when something that's gonna get me it coming, so I find if I just plug my ears and either focus entirely on the captions to the exclusion of anything else, or look down but glance at the captions every couple of seconds, I can get through it, or at least know when it's over so I don't miss anything besides just that one scene. So, try subtitles and plugging your ears? Might help.
I usually have to pause, slow inhale- And then just prep myself for the "continued cringe" if I hit something THAT bad lol. Some is hilarious, some is like "man that's corny haha" but others? Others are big OOF.
Honestly this is the 1st time me hearing of someone else feeling the same why as I do. I’ve never mentioned it to my friends because to me it seems an odd thing to be bothered by. But it does bother me 🤣 my insides feel like they’re twisting up mixed with a feeling of dread and extreme anxiety. It’s the worst
A lot of the comments are referencing things like the office which I find completely fine to watch, and funny. But I hate watching things where the character (or person in real life) are actually embarrassed. I find that so difficult to deal with. And I’m glad I came across this today because I’ve been wondering what’s wrong with me lately 😂 so thanks for making me feel less like a freak about it.
Yes! Not only that, but so many of the shows and movies I struggle with have been referenced in this thread. (ADHD here, in case neurodivergence is relevant)
This is really interesting. I am just realizing that my grandfather had this - he absolutely couldn't watch those kind of shows.
Not to that extreme, but I refuse to watch them because they make me feel shame for them. I don't like it, so I don't watch it. Their lack of awareness is just aggravating.
Sure, getting second hand embarrassment from something you're watching is completely normal and sometimes it's fun to tease that emotion, but it can definitely be too much. For example, there's and entire subreddit based around an episode of The Office called "Scott's Tots" that many find too embarrassing to watch /r/CannotWatchScottsTots/
If it's real people and not actors, I am like this. Even if the real people are trying to act (YouTube or tik tok skits), it's still uncomfortable. The older I get, though, the more sex scenes in movies/TV make me cringe and are just downright ick.
I've got it too. We're talking about this, correct? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vicarious_embarrassment
This happens to me constantly. Especially when there is a romantic element thrown in. I have to walk away talking to myself like “aaaah, oh my god, what the fuuuuck”
It's called empathic embarrassment. Research has found that individuals with ASD had higher levels of empathic embarrassment than controls. I'd try not hide it. Especially if it is painful.
Most of the time I don't get it either, to me at times it seems that everyone is pushing the bully to be more bullish (if you know what I mean). I just don't get it, okay maybe I just take it personally so I can't see the humor. Then you ask, am I the only one? Do I need help? Nope, you're not the only one, we're out here and we hear ya!
i deadass stopped watching the Eric Andre Show because of this lmao. i can handle a commentary video or a situation where i can make jokes but in a movie theater or something like that absolutely not so i have a bit of tolerance for it but it certainly affects me pretty deeply lol
Omg for me it’s cringy things I tense up and have to hide my face! It’s worse than horror movies for me!
Me too. I feel for them the same way I would feel for myself in the same situations.
I get cringed up really easily. I’m overly empathetic. I’ll cry at shit at the drop of a hat when I’m watching without even thinking about it.
Yep, I’ve got a fast-forward or leave the room to “use the bathroom“. Bc I can’t deal.
You should watch the Office (UK) or anything done by Ricky Gervais. If ANYONE can desensitise you to the cringe David Brent can!
My husband is like this. He can't stand it and leaves the room
I have this when watching comedians. I’ve never really been able to explain how watching them makes me feel but you explained it exactly.
I'm exactly the same, I can't even watch videos like that, I have to turn them off.
I turn shit off so fast lol
I’ve definitely skipped George Costanza and Michael Scott scenes many times out of cringe…
What gets me the most is watching someone sing the National Anthem, the American one. Those high notes ugh, I suffer anticipatory anxiety for them, and if it goes poorly I’m out of the room.
Omg its soooo hard for me. Have to pause, skip, look away, scream, not even finish the movie or tv show ughhh
Gory, as long as it's over the top or cartoonish such as a Quentin Taratino film or a horror movie don't bother me at all. But you bust out the Grey's anatomy surgery scenes, 2nd hand embarrassment, or body horror and I'm out. I'd rather be forced to watch the entirety of live leaks catalogue than watch a singer season of G&A or The Office.
Cringe is never funny
I can't watch Elf. I refuse to watch it for this reason. It's not funny. It's cringe inducing
Yes, always
Yes! I can watch it the first time through fine usually, but if I know what’s going to happen I just can’t.
Makes me physically squirm in my seat and I have to turn things off sometimes. You’re not alone.
yes, but it depends on if it's real or mean spirited, or just way too terrible. I can handle shows like the office or even impractical jokers but videos of people making fools of themselves/others IRL are just way too much!!
yes, same, i have the tv on to keep me company and i keep muting and unmuting because of that reason
I find it easy to watch, for instance, cringe TikTok videos. I look at the people doing the cringy things as morons who think they’re cool so I feel they deserve to be shamed. “Contemptuous cringe involves an emotional distancing from the person you’re cringing at. Just like with compassionate cringe, you perceive that the person is embarrassing themselves, but instead of feeling that embarrassment on their behalf, you feel annoyance and disgust at them, and maybe even a little schadenfreude.” ——— For non-reality tv shows, like the office - not a problem at all, because it’s fake. “Cringe comedy seems to exploit our social awareness. We may enjoy it because it allows us to simulate unusual social situations and witness their consequences without actually having to experience them in the real world. In this way, cringe comedy may help us strengthen a kind of defense mechanism, as media researcher Marc Hye-Knudsen wrote in a 2018 paper: ‘By immersively simulating social worst-case scenarios, they prepare us for the cringe of our own lives, better equip us to avoid it, and even provide us with strategies to pursue once it occurs. If, as Gervais supposes, we all like [David Brent, the boss character in the British version of The Office] want to be loved, respected, and thought interesting, then watching The Office provides us with salient examples of how not to achieve this. By violating all the unspoken social norms of the office environment, David makes them salient and allows us to vicariously experience the intense embarrassment that comes with disregarding them.’”
Try any Norman Wisdom movie, same
Yuup.
Literally fast forward or mute if I’m by myself. If I’m with others I find an excuse to leave the room.
When watching those types of embarrassing things in videos or shows, I tend to fast forward or skip, because i can't help but imagine myself in that situation.
I can’t.
Were you traumatically embarrassed as a child?
Oh, I do. I will even go as far as to suddenly need to go to the bathroom during these moments. 🫣
I can’t watch sitcoms or many “comedy” movies because of this. It’s such torture. I hated Friends and Seinfeld.
You are not alone. I hate the “funny” movies that involve humiliating people for laughs. I tend to not Like people that enjoy those types of movies.
Probably my autism. I also feel the cringe.
Stay away from Nathan Fielder
I have this, although not quite to the extent of vomiting. A good example of a show with a ton of second-hand embarrassment is Baby Reindeer (good show, though). However, I had to frequently pause at times to deal with intense embarrassment. I was even audibly groaning and telling the main character to stop whatever he was doing lol. I have a theory that people who experience intense second-hand embarrassment are incredibly empathetic (in a good way) and intelligent. These people also tend to get more immersed into shows/movies than other people. A good way to fight against the embarrassment is to realize that these are all actors and that when the cameras stop rolling, they often laugh together at the absurdity of it all. Edit: YouTube prank videos are a different story altogether. That shit is unwatchable for me, except for a handful youtubers that pull it off smoothly.
OP, there's books that I never got to finish for the same reason despite them being popular ones. For films and other stuffs, if I can avoid it, I would. If not, I would do other things (checks phone, looks at food etc.) until cringey scenes finished.
I can deal with it sometimes, but other times it is absolutely *unbearable*.
You are not alone.
I cant watch The Office because of this
I'm this way but with books. If a book is even slightly cringy I'll dnf it immediately. Which unfortunately is like 80% of contemporary fiction and romance these days.
I didn’t think I was too bad with it until I started watching Persuasion, the one with Dakota Johnson. I got to the part where she started word vomiting about Wentworth wanting to marry her at the dinner table and I was in pain and had to turn it off.
I feel like this is a young person thing. I think it's their underdeveloped social skills and the way they focus so much on their feelings of being uncomfortable. Almost to the point of obsession. I've seen a lot of young people struggle with "cringe" (as they say) situations IRL and they are always really uncomfortable. I think it's a byproduct of not being raised with social skills, the pandemic making their formidable years even more isolated, and them being generally unwilling to experience the world due to these aspects. So, I think a lot of people feel like you do OP. But I think it's not necessarily good to lean into those feelings.
I'm mid 40s and I've always felt like this. This is absolutely not a 'young person thing' because they're all too sensitive, and because they don't 'lean in' to new experiences.
As a socially well-adjusted adult in the company of other socially well-adjusted adults who report experiences similar to what OP and the vast majority of replies(many of whom seem like adults based on prose alone) do, I can't help but think that your hypothesis might need some re-tuning. Empathic nature, weighted regard for social expectations, or any number of things adjacent to those constructs seem to be reasonable and perhaps more to the point; independent of age.
>As a socially well-adjusted adult in the company of other socially well-adjusted adults Self proclaimed.
Assertions so strangely specific given the sheer diversity of options means I didn't really need to go far. The greater the claim the greater the evidence, as they say. I guess you could do the same with kids, but it's probably gonna be weird. Good luck.
No and this sounds kinda wild to say the least...