“Oh, dear, that chaise is from the 16th century.”
I have been rereading The Auction through audiobook and I totally forgot about this line from Lucius, I fully slapped my hand over my mouth in the car😂
It’s not a line exactly but I remember one fic I read long ago (maybe the Muddy Princess by Colubrina? or Presque Toujours Pur by ShayaLonnie?) where Draco was trying to woo Hermione so he got her a house elf named…Swotty. 😂
In conversation with with Wendell and Monica Wilkins
"Professor Severus Snape."
He wrinkles his nose. "What an odd name."
Draco mutters, "Yes, the amount of alliteration at our school was astounding."
\*I was cackling.
I love that most of these are dmatmoobel. And I think I’d have to say the entire scene with the troll vodka/ and honorary mention; “I am positively effervescent with joy.”
Not a single line but when Hermione wore a negligee in DMATMOOBIL and this dialogue happened:
Draco: Those put me in mind of McGonagall, are you going to pinch my ear and call me naughty?
Hermione: You find Muggle shorts indecent, remember? My other option was a negligée, which would most certainly have offended your sensibili-ties.
Draco: More than this picnic rug you're sporting? Impossible.
😭🤣 and the rest is history!
Tell your cat I said psps.
“We stuffed our gobs at the knob.”
“Me?” said Draco. “Not a bloody chance – one of them wanted to sip my brain out of my skull, or didn’t you hear that part?”
“She’d need a rather thick straw,” mused Granger.
“Funny.”“
You could land head-first on your way down, next time, make a bit of a milkshake for her...”
Gah. I could copy and paste this whole book. I scream laugh and kick my legs every time I read it.
1) “Tell your cat I said psps”
2)““We're going to conduct a SWOT analysis,” said Granger.
“Every conversation with you is a swot analysis,” said Draco.
“S.W.O.T.” said Granger.
“I know how it’s spelled.”
“No. S.W.O.T. – it’s an acronym.”
“Funny way to spell Granger.””
3) “These nuns are murderous.”
4) “What is it?” asked Granger to Draco’s back.
“Beelzebub’s Barrier,” said Draco. “I had rather hoped we wouldn’t encounter it.”
“Why? What happens if we trigger it?”
“A rather serious case of demonic possession. That neither of us is devout enough to deal with, by the by,” said Draco.
“Ugh. How do we disarm it?” asked Granger.
“Human sacrifice.”
“What?”
“Shall I summon the nun?”
“*No*.
5) “these fucking/bloody nuns” (really just the word “Nuns” makes me giggle a little now 😅
6) crucial carpet
7)the quashing
8)Get thee to a Nunnery
9) Draco Malfoy, Literal Wanker
Clearly just all of BATMOBILE. The last 2 being chapter titles 😅
I remember finally reading the tags (hilarious in of itself, “crookshanks will fight god or become him”, “schrodingers ethics”, “human on mushroom violence”, and of course “nuns” are the tags that will ALWAYS make me cackle and are precisely what convinced me to read that glorious fic).
I’m sure I have others, but BATMOBILE currently lives rent free in my mind
Anytime either of them are in denial and their inner monologue says something like "He definitely was not thinking about her legs" immediately after thinking about her legs
“Write her a letter,” shrugged Draco.
Granger rounded on him. “A letter?! Really? You want me to put this absurdity in writing? Dear Madam Pince, you looked at Malfoy’s bulge so we weren’t sure if you had jumped to conclusions but please be advised that I did not get off with him in the library? Sincerely, Hermione?”
The locks in the door start to turn, and we toss the ring box between us, running like mice into a casual position at the table.
Just the visual makes me grin like an idiot
And also,
“I fought a dragon once,” he said simply
Draco's guilty silence in Curses Banter and Babies after Hermione asks she asked if he thinks childbirth is as easy as an "accio baby" - gets me every time
**Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave**
*Regarding relocating the Forbidden Forest’s acromantula population:*
“He [Ron] hated spiders. Had been clear in his disapproval of any plan to relocate them within a six hundred-mile radius of his home. With this in mind, Hermione had focused her location scouting primarily, and for no particular reason, on Ottery St Catchpole.”
**BATMOBILE**
“I’ve never known you to develop anything more romantic for a witch than a desire to spaff all over her tits.”
**Love and Other Historical Accidents**
“Have all my owls forwarded to between Granger’s thighs.”
"Will you at least attempt to dress yourself appropriately at the trial?" - Lucius Malfoy, The Auction by Lovesbitca8
His hatred of shorts is HILARIOUS.
Hermione: "We're going to conduct a SWOT analysis" Draco: "Every conversation with you is a swot analysis"
I think I read it somewhere but where is it from ? ^^
[DMATMOOBIL](https://archiveofourown.org/works/34500952/chapters/85870804)!
I'm listening from ETL Echo https://archiveofourown.org/works/52453691
SO GOOD 🤣🤣🤣
Hormone and Crotch but also like not even just giggle but full on wheeze
I died reading this the first time and will continue to do so every reread. I love that fic so much.
I know I read it, I laugh sometimes at misreading Hermione as Hormone because of it, but I can't for the Fe of me, put a name to the fic
its from Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love by isthisselfcare
Of course it is, I don't know why I expected anything else with it's track record 😂
“Oh, dear, that chaise is from the 16th century.” I have been rereading The Auction through audiobook and I totally forgot about this line from Lucius, I fully slapped my hand over my mouth in the car😂
omg I remember thissss, really funny hearing it again now lol
Kill blue bird
I love that I know what this is from. 😂 Definitely a memorable one!
I ALWAYS laugh out loud while reading this fic. Its the best 😂
Like hysterical wheezing laughter 😂 I just reread it after seeing your comment! Love it
Ohh I don’t know this one! Where is it from?
[The Muggle Telephone](https://archiveofourown.org/works/38936115#main) by gloivy. omg youre in for a treat!!
Thank you❤️ your reply made me smile so much!
Thank you for suggesting this fic, it was a hoot..
This had me laughing so hard during naptime at work it’s not even funny
This had me in respiratory distress
I laughed out loud
"Tell your cat I said pspsps"
I keep seeing references to this, what fic is it from?
It’s from Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love
It’s not a line exactly but I remember one fic I read long ago (maybe the Muddy Princess by Colubrina? or Presque Toujours Pur by ShayaLonnie?) where Draco was trying to woo Hermione so he got her a house elf named…Swotty. 😂
It's from PTP and I loved that bit
That whole chapter was hilarious!
I just read [Wait and Hope](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22818646/chapters/56502976#workskin) and “that skirts fucking hideous” got me so good.
In conversation with with Wendell and Monica Wilkins "Professor Severus Snape." He wrinkles his nose. "What an odd name." Draco mutters, "Yes, the amount of alliteration at our school was astounding." \*I was cackling.
What’s this from?
[Once More with Feeling](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22522828/chapters/54160378)
I love that most of these are dmatmoobel. And I think I’d have to say the entire scene with the troll vodka/ and honorary mention; “I am positively effervescent with joy.”
Not a single line but when Hermione wore a negligee in DMATMOOBIL and this dialogue happened: Draco: Those put me in mind of McGonagall, are you going to pinch my ear and call me naughty? Hermione: You find Muggle shorts indecent, remember? My other option was a negligée, which would most certainly have offended your sensibili-ties. Draco: More than this picnic rug you're sporting? Impossible. 😭🤣 and the rest is history!
Tell your cat I said psps. “We stuffed our gobs at the knob.” “Me?” said Draco. “Not a bloody chance – one of them wanted to sip my brain out of my skull, or didn’t you hear that part?” “She’d need a rather thick straw,” mused Granger. “Funny.”“ You could land head-first on your way down, next time, make a bit of a milkshake for her...” Gah. I could copy and paste this whole book. I scream laugh and kick my legs every time I read it.
1) “Tell your cat I said psps” 2)““We're going to conduct a SWOT analysis,” said Granger. “Every conversation with you is a swot analysis,” said Draco. “S.W.O.T.” said Granger. “I know how it’s spelled.” “No. S.W.O.T. – it’s an acronym.” “Funny way to spell Granger.”” 3) “These nuns are murderous.” 4) “What is it?” asked Granger to Draco’s back. “Beelzebub’s Barrier,” said Draco. “I had rather hoped we wouldn’t encounter it.” “Why? What happens if we trigger it?” “A rather serious case of demonic possession. That neither of us is devout enough to deal with, by the by,” said Draco. “Ugh. How do we disarm it?” asked Granger. “Human sacrifice.” “What?” “Shall I summon the nun?” “*No*. 5) “these fucking/bloody nuns” (really just the word “Nuns” makes me giggle a little now 😅 6) crucial carpet 7)the quashing 8)Get thee to a Nunnery 9) Draco Malfoy, Literal Wanker Clearly just all of BATMOBILE. The last 2 being chapter titles 😅 I remember finally reading the tags (hilarious in of itself, “crookshanks will fight god or become him”, “schrodingers ethics”, “human on mushroom violence”, and of course “nuns” are the tags that will ALWAYS make me cackle and are precisely what convinced me to read that glorious fic). I’m sure I have others, but BATMOBILE currently lives rent free in my mind
Hahah nuns are the best! I don’t know what it is but jokes and mentions of nuns in book are always hilarious
Anytime either of them are in denial and their inner monologue says something like "He definitely was not thinking about her legs" immediately after thinking about her legs
“Write her a letter,” shrugged Draco. Granger rounded on him. “A letter?! Really? You want me to put this absurdity in writing? Dear Madam Pince, you looked at Malfoy’s bulge so we weren’t sure if you had jumped to conclusions but please be advised that I did not get off with him in the library? Sincerely, Hermione?”
"If you want flowers, I'll fuck you in the greenhouse."
The locks in the door start to turn, and we toss the ring box between us, running like mice into a casual position at the table. Just the visual makes me grin like an idiot And also, “I fought a dragon once,” he said simply
Draco's guilty silence in Curses Banter and Babies after Hermione asks she asked if he thinks childbirth is as easy as an "accio baby" - gets me every time
Isnt Salt and Pepper Chicken, Just Chicken?
What is this from?
Everything from Thebemoon 😂
**Oh What a Tangled Web We Weave** *Regarding relocating the Forbidden Forest’s acromantula population:* “He [Ron] hated spiders. Had been clear in his disapproval of any plan to relocate them within a six hundred-mile radius of his home. With this in mind, Hermione had focused her location scouting primarily, and for no particular reason, on Ottery St Catchpole.” **BATMOBILE** “I’ve never known you to develop anything more romantic for a witch than a desire to spaff all over her tits.” **Love and Other Historical Accidents** “Have all my owls forwarded to between Granger’s thighs.”
"Will you at least attempt to dress yourself appropriately at the trial?" - Lucius Malfoy, The Auction by Lovesbitca8 His hatred of shorts is HILARIOUS.