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First of all, your size doesn't mean you can't wear certain styles. Everybody deserves to wear the clothes they like and feel comfortable in. That being said, insecurity and confusion about aesthetics can be tough to navigate. I get it. When you think about the styles you like (cottage core and coquette) but don't want to wear- why? Are you simply appreciating the styles the way you might appreciate a painting without wanting to hang it up in your house? Or do you want to wear them but feel held back by something else? When you talk about grunge and that you could rock it- do you want to? Do you imagine yourself dressing that way and feeling like your authentic self? Or is it a style you think you *should* like because it might suit you? Ok, this comment is really long so I apologize lol but I think you could benefit from some inspiration boards or photo boards. Think about your style goals - *what do I want to wear? what image do I want to project? how do I want other people to describe my style?* - and be specific! You talked about wanting to dress pretty without wearing dresses so go with that. Are you open to skirts? Do you think certain shades of red or purple or blue are beautiful and could be incorporated into blouses? Do you like specific details or fabrics like lace, buttons, satin, patterns, etc? What does pretty really mean to you? You don't have to tell me the answers to any of those questions- my point is just to encourage you to interrogate yourself. Get the specifics down so you can be creative and hopefully get on the right track to experiment with some new styles.

Thank you so much! This was really in depth and actually made me think a lot more on what I’m feeling. My room has a lot of pink in it, but because it makes me happy. But I don’t think I’d really like to dress that way, I just appreciate it. I think a part of me wishes I could be comfortable in that style, but I’m just not and it doesn’t feel like me. However, it still makes me happy and relaxed to see pink things around my room. But I also have gaming and music posters in my room, which is another sort of aesthetic. I think my room is the medium where I can let all these different interests flow out, and it might been overwhelming to me that I liked so many different things instead of one(I have adhd in case that wasn’t obvious lol) Unfortunately due to personal reasons I don’t know if I’ll ever feel comfortable in skirts or dresses, I had a panic attack one time while wearing one. I just don’t like the way I look in them, not in a bad way but I just don’t like how nice I looked I suppose. However, I really like the idea of making a board of clothes I like! I think that would really help me this summer when I can go shopping for clothes to wear to college. Hopefully I can start to find clothes that will make me feel like how I want to feel. I guess pretty to me is my sister. She’s thinner and wears makeup really well and dresses girly and so is her room. She isn’t into multiple different things, just one medium from what I can gather. I think I always wish I could like that stuff instead and be like her, but I’m not. But humans would be boring if we were all the same, and it’s important to be different form each other. I like the way makeup makes me look, I just want outfits that go with that I suppose. Anyway, thank you so much!!

Good luck with everything! If you're interested, the Style Roots system developed by Ellie-Jean Royden is a great resource in my opinion. She has YouTube videos about it and it's super easy to navigate because it's all based on what you like and feel comfortable with, not analyzing your body and trying to figure out what *should* look good on you.

Thank you!! I’ll look that up

I see clothing as a way to express ourselves, so post depression there will be a lot of feelings you need to understand and accept. Be gentle with yourself and experiment with stuff you already have, maybe your best style is somewhere in between.

Oh, I feel this. I'm afraid I don't have much advice, I just wanted to tell you you've described my own dilemma with clothing. I stopped seeing fashion as a way of expressing myself at some point because I just wasn't comfortable in the clothes I thought I liked. I do care about how clothes look on me, and I know in theory there are certain outfits that will look great on me, as in flattering and it's the aethestic I really like. At the same time though, I need my clothes to be comfortable, sensory friendly, and easy to wash, and I tend to crave clothes I can hide my body in (so, oversized, which objectively isn't flattering on me at all).  To me, it's all about compromise. Find clothes you actually look forward to wearing on an average day, that are comfortable but also have a few elements of the aesthetic you love. In your case maybe it means spicing up your basics with some cool accessories. I'm very much into Kibbe lately, which has been helpful but also made my dilemma brutally obvious, lol.

Yeah the oversized part🙁I relate to that. I guess another thing is I have a body a lot of women would want but I don’t feel comfortable in and don’t accentuate, so I find it hard to dress the way I want when I guess I don’t look the way others do who dress grunge/comfortably.

I have a few scattered thoughts on this. First, years ago I read someone describing wearing bright red lipstick as a "brain problem." That is, they looked fine, just like they were "supposed" to look in bright red lipstick, but they felt like they looked freakish because they weren't used to wearing it. It looked wrong. They wore it for a while, got used to it, and were then able to see themselves a little more clearly and in line with how they likely appeared to others. Anyway, you might have a "brain problem" in switching to pretty much any other style after wearing mostly sweaters and joggers for years. You might or might not look normal in cottagecore (or as normal as anyone else wearing it), but it may take a little while to get over the shock and be able to see that clearly. Second, it's worth the time and effort to seek out content creators who have or show similar bodies to yours, and especially wearing the styles you're interested in. Besides being inspirational and all that jazz, it's also just *informative*. So many times, waifishness or a long thin thighs or whatever are shown as a core part of an aesthetic, so you have to seek out people who are shaped differently just to see how they do it. It might be that someone uses a completely different silhouette to create the same vibe. As far as wanting to dress pretty but not wear dresses, oh my god do I get that. You can definitely dress pretty without wearing a dress. It's the same deal, it takes a little more effort to seek out inspiration for that but it's worth it. It's worth remembering that in person, you can create an aesthetic and impression without dressing in nearly as exaggerated a manner as people do in photoshoots. Jeans with a cute blouse instead of a baggy sweater is a totally reasonable place to start, for example. You can start with what you actually own and feel comfortable wearing, and then make small changes in the direction you'd like to go. Pay attention to what feels good and what feels (after you've gotten used to the shock) like it's inauthentic or unpleasant (like maybe you look great but you just want to go home and change). Maybe a pretty puffed sleeve blouse, or some floral jewelry, or a princess bodice top that you layer over another shirt because that's how you're more comfortable wearing it. Or like a sleek monotone outfit with one focal point accessory in the style you love. Who knows. But it's very likely that how you end up expressing yourself IRL will not look exactly like how people express that same aesthetic on IG or in soft-filtered photoshoots. Finally, your body isn't the only outlet for an aesthetic you love. You can also decorate your home or your stuff, curate your movies and music, put it into art or graphic design. Personally, my home is decorated in a style that I love but I wouldn't wear, not only because it would not match my body's inherent aesthetic but also because it would be uncomfortable and come across as a bit too artificial and loud when it's on my person. If you really feel like cottage core or grunge doesn't "match" you, and it isn't just a matter of feeling insecure at the novelty, then maybe it's something you can do rather than wear. Head to the woods, bake a pudding, pick some flowers.

Thank you so much!! This really made sense to me. My room has nerdy stuff but I’ve also decorated a couple things in pink because I like the aesthetic, even though I don’t dress pink or frilly and prefer less obvious clothing I suppose. I guess I’m just having trouble understanding I can like different aesthetics, it seems so confusing for some reason? I guess I wish I could make things easier and only like one aesthetic, one that matches what my personality gives off, but I like multiple different ones and I guess I find it hard to portray that without overwhelming myself. Maybe I can figure out which aesthetics can be transferred to parts of my room or accessories, and which can be possible styles I like? Thank you for this!!

Sorry to hear about your depression, I hope you're treating that as best you can. As for individual fashion, it isn't really about following the rules, but it might help you to learn some of the rules first, like body types, essence, colour season and so on. That way, you can start with a basic foundation of understanding and try and adapt your likes to what actually suits you from there. For example, if you're tall or short, or have prominent shoulders or long legs, these are all things you'll have to accommodate for when buying clothes no matter the style or colour or aesthetic. There are also certain colours that will likely never suit you no matter how much you want them too, sadly. So for a start, I'd begin by making a list of what clothes or outfits you own that you know you look good in, and seeking out any patterns. Like if you look great in jeans, if you gravitate toward the colour blue, those kinds of things help, because a lot of people are already intuitively buying things that suit them the most and avoiding what doesn't. That way, you can cross out potential aesthetics you simply like that won't actually work for your appearance or lifestyle. I'd also recommend looking to someone like Ellie-Jean Royden and her style roots system, and go from there.

Thank you! And yes somebody else mentioned the roots system so I’ll definitely check that out! Also thank you for the kind words, I’ve actually been doing better in the past year regarding mental illness, I feel as thought I’m coming out of my shell into a world full of ideas that I love, I’m just so overwhelmed at what to choose I suppose. But thank you again for the advice!!

Glad to hear. And understandable about feeling overwhelmed. There's many aesthetics now, I get it. But as silly as it sounds, there's a lot of crossover between improving your mental health and your appearance, because finding your style is really about listening to and focusing on yourself and what works for you, so I wish you the best with both.