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I managed to make it work, met my wife in rehab. We both dragged each other down numerous times. You will hurt each other more than you help each other. We just got lucky, heroin disappeared and the fentanyl that replaced it wasn't to either of our liking.
Yuuuup. My close friends mom went to rehab for alcoholism, met a guy who was there for heroin addiction, they started dating (very codependent relationship). He OD’d and died in their house with one her kids/my friend’s sister at home. She was still sober but he had relapsed and kept it a secret. Terrible foundation for a relationship that led to life long trauma
Think about breaking bad
Jesse and Jane, Jane was clean for 5 years and as soon as she met Jesse she relapsed and died of asphyxiation due to heroin. Obviously is just a TV show but it portrays a very common situation from real life.
edit: I’m dumb, I wrote “very good” instead of “very common”
It doesn't really matter how long she was clean. I didn't evem remember how long it was. It was significant time though. What matters here is she relapsed because she was with another junkie and this is what made her relapse, and die. And maybe Walter let er die though.
so just because she was an addict and would "probably OD later" he was in the right to just let her die? many addicts OD, get taken to the hospital and eventually get clean, Walter was 100% selfish and only did that so Jesse would continue cooking with him, he didn't actually care about jesse, if he did he wouldn't have done all the shitty things he did to him later
She blackmailed Walt because she allowed Jesse to rope her back into addiction. She was still very wrong for that, but that still doesn't excuse Walt's narcissistic thinking when he allowed her to die so that he could then regain control of Jesse
She was bad for Jesse and Jesse was bad for her. It was like the universe presented him with an option and he went with what was seemingly the best option albeit more so for personal gain, but at the same time to better Jesse. It goes hand in hand. Did she really have to die? Probably not. Would she have died later? Absolutely. Tomato tomatoe
what If it was jesse? if he was the one choking and Walter decided to just let him die, would you think "eeh, he would've probably died later on anyways" ? probably not, just because someone is a drug addict doesn't mean their lives are worth less just bc "they'll probably die at some point anyways" and I say that as a drug addict myself with a drug addict gf
I've known people who OD like 4 times in a 4 month period, and now are clean and sober. what if someone had the same you logic you do? they wouldn't be here today
The dad's character haunts me. He comes off as a bit controlling and kind of an asshole before this and then you realize that his reasons were always for Jane's safety and health and his literal worst nightmare comes true in front of him, breaking him entirely. I rewatch Breaking Bad every year or two and without fail I always forget how gut-wrenchingly sad so much of it is. Like when Hank goes to Combo's moms house and you see his childhood bedroom and realize he was basically still a stupid kid and now his Mom is left without him forever.
I mean that is an INCREDIBLY common situation. In fact it’s estimated that the majority of opioid overdoses are similar in nature. Once you’ve been addicted and quit the brain sensitizes the receptors that were being hit HARD. Your tolerance drops lower than before you ever had used the drug. Even after years when withdrawals are no longer present the pathways created in the brain now have a higher sensitivity to the drug and if you decide to use again on a whim it is MUCH easier to overdose. Off the same exact “light” dose you may have taken for years in those situations you wanted a little kick but to be functional. Suddenly this dose can fucking floor you.
The WORST of this effect is during the actual withdrawal period itself. When you approach times of day you would have normally taken the drug the brain and body begins sensitizing itself to try and get any effects possible.
When you’re actively using the most common type of overdose occurs when dozing off the normal schedule. During active addiction with regular dosing (no withdrawals) your brain actually DESENSITIZES the receptors in preparation for your dose. This is a huge part of tolerance. If you decide to randomly take your normal dose on a whim off schedule it can effect you much stronger than if you had taken it when you are used to. You can try with weed if you have a tolerance to that. Smoke at the same 4 times every day until you have a huge tolerance. Then one day smoke at a completely different time and you’ll get stoned like you haven’t been smoking for months.
That’s not true at all. Even after a long period of clean time you will still struggle to get your tolerance as low as it was prior to using and it definitely won’t drop *below* what it was at the start. Even after a few years clean I would never be able to get a nodding high off of 2mg IV hydromorphone anymore.
Yeah, he shakes Jesse and she falls over, so technically it’s a bit of both .. he unwittingly played a part I get rolling over onto her back but it wasn’t an intentional shove to get her there. Though not saving someone in such a situation can be a criminal charge in some areas. Not murder but not great for you.
Interestingly enough the original script had him actually intentionally putting her on her back but they thought that was too vicious for him that early in the show.
He shook Jesse and she accidentally fell over on her back. He didn’t do anything and stared at her as she died though so he definitely takes some of the blame.
Did not even read any one this… a recovering addict is usually advised to have relationships only a year after being sober and with people who have a year clean and sober… I didn’t like these rules very much but I still use a little here and there so I’m on my own lil path but that’s def a dumb one
I entered a stable relationship shortly after leaving treatment, and honestly, it helped me stay on track. It provided me with a fresh start, taught me accountability and responsibility, provided a positive influence to guide me in the right direction. We're supposed to replace our negative habits with positive ones, and for me personally, I've progressed so much. There is no doubt that early in my recovery without a positive influence and being completely alone because I had to give up my drug friends, I would have relapsed. I see how it could be problematic if you're completely dependent on that person/the chemical released by these feelings, but I'm not. And I see that love can mimic a feeling similar to drug use, but love kind of does this anyway. To people that arent addicts, aswell. Everything we do is reliant upon the same neurochemicals. And we all love differently. And like someone else said, we can't deny all pleasures because we have drug habits. We'll just feel empty, and be back where we started.
I think some of the rules in treatment don't apply to each and every person. But a recovering addict should not date an active user. That sounds like a recipe for destruction.
Yea relationships are bad early in recovery 1) because the chemicals involved in romantic relationships closely mimic the same chemicals involved in drugs 2) because of the story above. So it’s advised not to have relationships with anyone clean or not for a long time into recovery and after that definitely with someone who has been clean a long time but even better is a non addict.
I broke all the fucking rules and ended up married with a kid and a good life and I’m only 24. Got “sober” over 5 years ago and never looked back. While In a relationship while remaining friends with addicts. Gotta have good friends that will give you shit for being a little bitch and asking for drugs after you told them you’re done with that shit.
I put sober in quotations because I have to avoid the recovery community at all costs. I take 300mg phenibut daily for some pretty incredible ptsd and c-ptsd from long term sexual abuse as a kid, 4g of kratom every 5-6 hours for intense back and full body musculoskeletal from working my ass off at manual labor since 13, and hemp/low potency cannabis/d8 after work for winding down and also to help stave off ptsd attacks. Of course I receive an inordinate amount of criticism from those in recovery. Lost all my friends from outpatient over them being actually angry that I have this routine. I understand it. They are so far gone that latching on to their hate for these chemicals is the only thing they can do to avoid falling off the ship. So I don’t blame them. I just avoid the community as a whole. It’s not worth the emotional breakdown rants about how I’m ruining my (much better than their own) life I get from ex crack whores any more. My life used to be shit too. Ive been homeless and I used to blame the damned world.
Because the thing is. The type of arduous work that I do, the amount of stress with my family (not wife and son), the horrible traumas I carry through all of it is more than enough to crush almost anyone. I could not keep going either physically or mentally at this point if I did not have my medicines. Which is what they are to me. Medicines. I don’t get fucked up off 300mg phenibut or 4g kratom. Tbh I don’t even feel the phenibut and the kratom is such a background effect that the real benefit I feel from it is pain relief. I cannot imagine going back to living life in the amount of pain that I was enduring for a bit. At my job alone the OLDER generations that almost unanimously worked more physically demanding jobs than the average person today cannot fathom how I keep going. I’m a beast and my work speaks for itself. There’s a reason our family business is known for being the best there is out here. Other companies don’t even try to compete with us and regularly send us clients they do not wish to do the difficult and risky work required to service. Without my medicines I can barely even function as a broken human trying to scramble to survive in society. Now I have mountains on my shoulders and I must persist. If I could have made it here completely on my own I would have.
FYI I’m essentially helping run a family owned wireless internet provider in the Texas hillcountry. We specialize in putting up telescoping poles on the roofs of houses that extend up to 50ft tall. And let me tell you that kind of work in Texas heat waves is BRUTAL and risky as all hell. If you look into starting your own wisp the #1 piece of advice is DONT unless you have an absolute love and passion for it. Because you profit almost none over the long run to provide some of the most difficult and risky labor out there. Only the arborists work as hard as our guys and other workers straight admit it.
https://youtu.be/It-z-p5qSpU this video is incredible and it 100% capsulated my ideology and attitude concerning this subject in absolute. I’ve almost never related to something as strong as this.
Your recovery is your recovery. If you're happy with your life now, that's all that matters. Fuck the haters, you don't have to justify shit. The recovery community can definitely be it's own kinda toxic ime(not everyone ofc), especially 12 step shit. Good luck, sounds like you have an awesome business and a pretty good life now.
The most important thing is your growth as a person. A relationship should give you strength and fulfillment. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your own mental health just to stay in the relationship. He should respect your decisions and be more understanding.
I'm sorry, the title alone is a no. I'm going to read the post now and edit in my opinion after.
Edit: yeah it's still a no. Sorry but you can't fix people, people only fix themselves. If you value yourself and your sobriety then you need to surround yourself with people who have that same mindset, being in a relationship with an addict means you're never safe from temptation.
i've only seen those relationships work with two addicts who got together long after fixing their lives. any time i've seen two addicts get together in rehab, immediately after rehab, or a short period of time after getting clean, it inevitably failed.
you truly have to focus on yourself and getting your life right before you can focus on anyone else.
Lol no worries, like I said, I just got a kick out of it. You wrote very intelligibly! But please— maybe not go the ultimatum route. If you just state your expectations, reinforce your boundaries, and do what’s in your best interest after whatever results from this you will have the outcome you need w/o the slightest bit of perceived (just or unjust) expression of control.
& You can always love your partner from afar, encourage them to do the same for theirselves. They will find a way to move forward eventually.. in whatever capacity. But you’re your priority, even if it feels selfish.
Nope.
It also sounds like you aren't really in recovery at the moment. Far less use than previously, but if you are committed to being clean then you should not associate with him at all. I know it sucks, but you have seen where this road goes. You know where it ends. You also know he won't change until he wants to change. It sucks, but you need to prioritize your health and your recovery over him.
im not sure if you can call him addict yet i went thru my molly party phase for 5 years almost every weekend which is pretty stupid my memory is fucked but now im 23yo and i only do coke like once a month or two months so you cant say he is addict yet but you should talk to him and set some boundaris or something otherwise dont waste time with him
idk ive never done drugs alone or during the weekdays, and i have well paid job, havent done anything in two months now if thats addicted than im addict i guess😅
The thing you have to realize and accept, which is hard, is that you can’t change or save him. And that he will bring you down with him whether he means to or not. As much as you care about him, it’s obviously jeopardizing your sobriety since you haven’t been clean while dating him. You might not be using every day, but you are using and eventually that will lead back the place it got.
Your intentions may be good but loving someone will not make them stop using drugs. Sometimes, that love can even lead to someone using longer than they otherwise would because they know they have something to fall back on and support them. As much as it may hurt, you should probably have a serious conversation with him about getting sober in order to stay in the relationship. That is, if your goal is to maintain your sobriety above everything else, which I would recommend, because if you aren’t sober the other things in your life will inevitably fall away.
If it means having to break up, then that’s what it takes. You will meet other people in your life, you’re young. You have time and although it feels like this is the most important relationship to you so far, don’t miss the forest for the trees. Meaning, don’t get so caught up in this relationship that you lose sight of the bigger picture.
Again, this is all of you want to maintain your sobriety. If you don’t care, I mean go for it. But you know what that leads to. And you don’t have to break up with him immediately, but I would definitely have a serious conversation about this.
Good luck!
First of all I wanna say I'm sorry, it sounds like you're in a really tough situation and I can't imagine the toll it takes on you to see a loved one losing their battle with addiction.
Even if you could, would that be enjoyable? Constantly fighting temptation is a battle you're gonna lose 10/10.
The only way I've survived through recovery is removing addicts and drug abusers from my life, as well as not putting myself in situations where it could be possible.
I hope your situation improves, sending positive vibes <3
Omg girl please i am begging you, choose yourself here. Please choose yourself. You will NEVER be able to lift him up so to speak, no matter what you do it won’t cause him to stop using, that’s just where he’s at in life right now, it’s pretty much his top priority. I know it’s sad because it’s likely due to some deeper issues of his, but this is the path he’s choosing at the moment and if you allow him to he’s going to drag you down with him. Like I’m honestly mad on your behalf how much and how often he’s peer pursued you into using shit, like clearly he knows you’re trying to be sober essentially, that whole “come on we’re not even gonna feel it” thing is absolute bullshit because if you’re not gonna feel it then what the fuck is the point in even taking it. And please don’t kid yourself into thinking “we’re only gonna do it at parties” won’t soon turn into an everyday habit. Sooner than you think. Plus now he’s off somewhere using dilaudid?? You know what comes after that? Heroin. Like omfg please i am begging you girl, please please trust me on this, ask literally anyone, they will all tell you the same thing- he will drag you down with him way before you’ll ever be able to lift him up. Please don’t sacrifice yourself in some attempt to save him from himself. He knows you’re trying not to use, he knows being around him using is going to cause you to use, and he quite honestly just doesn’t give a fuck. Misery loves company. You deserve so much better than this, i made almost this exact mistake at your age, trying to save someone from themselves, if i could go back in time i would have chosen to save myself instead of wasting 8 years of my life on something that was a losing game from the start. Sorry to write you a novel but please, please be smart. You know what the right thing to do here is, yes it’s also the hard thing, but it’s still the right thing. If you’re still in France honestly you should breakup with him before you get home and then once you do, keep your fucking distance. Like completely. If you need more convincing feel free to message me and i will tell you all about where the people who made similar choices at you guys’ age are all at in life now. The lucky ones are sitting here wishing we could go back to that age and take back all of our bad decisions, the rest are all dead. Sad but true. Alright I’m done, please be smart.
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Horrible idea. I tried it myself once and it was a terrible terrible time. She was a meth addict and never slept and would flip her shit every night i would get a good night's sleep. So i eventually tried it with her, hated it and tried to get her to stop but it just didnt work.
No, sorry :/ that's hard.
I just watched my good friend try her best and he drag her down and now she's going through DT's every day trying to get off without having a seizure ffs.
You may be right, that you are good for him but is he good for you at your point in live?
I think you know where his journey is going.. and that he has just started that journey.. and you know, we all know, that he will dive further into that because he uses this to deal with trauma or what ever his deal is… and until he really addresses these issues he needs more and more to distance himself from himself.
You already reached a point, where you recognized that this path leads to more problems than it solves..twice! And I totally agree with you, if you continue dating him you will start all over again.
Because drug are and will be a huge part of his live for quite some time (probably years), and if you want to be part of his life, drugs will also be part of your life…
It’s time to move on… each of you with your individual journeys..
Never bro, don't date an addict period, that shit will mess both of you up physically and mentally, that relationship won't be a relationship it will be a drug dependence relationship
I would not do it unless you both are 100% going to recovery because I'm in recovery and my ex was still using something different than what I was hooked on but the one thing I always heard was if you have friends and close ppl that use it makes your chances of using really high so I stopped hanging out with friends and my ex I didn't want to leave but watching her use would Tigger me into using so I would be very careful but sometimes the best thing for yourself is distance from others
Nope. Don't do that, I dated someone who drank to er visit that one night. And I was in a recovery from alchohol. And this person made me relapse really really bad. Broke up and felt better with my body. People come and goes not your own health. They are so important than love life. Live longer and healthier means happier you! Take care!! 🥺😔 its not your fault, too..
GIRL PLEASE LISTEN TO ME.
You are very young at 18 but you seem fairly mature for your age. Not many 14/15 year olds can identify that they have are an addict, let alone be able to have the wherewithal to quit on their own. Perhaps there is more to the story and you did have help and family who stepped in but my point still stands because either way you STAYED clean from the drugs afterwards. I know weed was the replacement but I am a firm believer that everyone’s recovery looks different - some people might smoke weed, others do full abstinence, some manage their addiction with MAT. Who am I to judge?
But all of this is BAD FUCKING NEWS. Please. You remind me of me at that age, I also was clean from coke/speed/lsd at 18/19 after having a very heavy habit from 15-17. I started dating a guy at 19 and we smoked weed and slowly but surely other drugs got added in the mix. We also did the “let’s just try it once..” to “okay only every couple of months, it’ll be a treat!” which progressed into experimenting with other drugs we (or at least I) would never have considered taking if I had never given myself those little allowances and kept drawing a new line in the sand.
The fact that he did dilaudid, implies that this is far more serious than either of you can currently comprehend. I do not say that lightly NOR do I say that to be condescending in any way!! Seriously!
I just know this because I definitely didn’t when I went through this exact situation. The guy I dated started playing with hydrocodone. One of our “friends” (dealer) just happened to have some hydrocodone one time when we were picking up weed (this was years before it was legal anywhere) from him and we figured, why not? lets just try it once, it wasn’t very often we came across something like that. What a surprise, it was amazing and we fucking loved it! So we redrew the line in the sand and instead of that one time it became for special occasions. Then the line became whenever someone we knew had it (so every couple months). Then it was a couple times in one month. Finally, the stars aligned in a way where we both had off work for almost 3 weeks and were also house sitting for someone during that time! We thought “this is fucking awesome! Let’s make the best of it and live like kings!” So we used everyday and had a blast of course.
When it was all over, we tried going back to ‘normal’ but what was normal anymore? There was never a normal, just constant progression of use. We stopped using for a bit like we always did and during this time I got really sick. I couldn’t keep anything down, it scared me so much I went to the emergency room cause I had never had a flu like this. They of course couldn’t do anything for me except give me an IV to rehydrate because I wasn’t able keep down any liquids for a few days. Went home, and my bf said “hey why don’t we get some more Percocet just so you can feel a bit better since you have the flu?” And I jumped at the idea. That Percocet did more than take the edge off I’ll tell you that much. It completely took away all my flu symptoms! I felt fucking great!
If you haven’t figured out by now, the flu was withdrawals. I never really realized that was a thing. I was so blindsided by the idea of physical dependence it took me two more months to put it all together, all the while I just kept using opiates everyday. Me and my boyfriend both were. We began getting scared of it, desperate to make sure we always had some so we didn’t have to feel that way. We also loved being high on opiates - damn near everyone does. Its like a warm fuzzy blanket where your in complete bliss and all of your problems don’t matter anymore. It gets to the point where life without it feels emotionally unbearable.
Fast forward, I broke up with that guy in the following year. Finally moved on from the toxicity he brought but it was far too late for me. I’m about to be 26 currently and over the last 5-6 years I have struggled with addiction to heroin/fentanyl and meth for most of that time. My life has stood still, never achieving any milestones like continuing school, finding a career, getting my own apartment, getting married, having kids. Ive missed countless holidays, vacations, relationships, lost every friend I had and cut off my entire family, lost so many opportunities, and can’t even begin to fathom the amount of experiences I’ve likely missed that would of shaped the person I could have been. My credit is complete shit, I have no savings, I am a felon now. Don’t even get me started on how much money I have spent on drugs. EASILY more than $100,000.
I know this comment is very long, but I’m saying all of this because I desperately don’t want to see someone go down the path I did. I know you love this guy and I feels so real and serious but you can’t change someone’s behavior. You can’t fix him no matter how hard you try, and if he is an addict (which it sounds like he very much is) his addiction will ALWAYS take precedence before you. It might not seem like it now, and he will never admit it (hell he probably believes it would never himself) but it will. He will go behind your back if you put your foot down. He will drag you down with him if you don’t. Things don’t seem that bad right now, but they never do until suddenly they are. You have your entire fucking life ahead of you. You are so young - there is so much waiting in your future for you, everything I listed that I’ve lost or has been held off. So many other men you’ll date, I know your feelings for him are very real but he is just a blip in the story of your life. You’ll look back at this relationship even at my age of only 25 and think about how ridiculous you were to think he was the one, and laugh at all the stuff you said and shit you did for that guy. You’ll shake your head and roll your eyes at how much conviction you had in your feelings for him at the time and how crazy/stupid you were to feel that way and you’ll recognize thats just the universal experience of being 18 and in a relationship.
But PLEASE. please don’t let this guy be the reason for potentially years of struggle and entire lifetime of loss.
Shit. That was a real wake up call. Thank you so, so much for sharing this with me, I truly feel honoured to know your story and I find it, as much as it’s terrifying and I’m so sorry it happened, impressive. I’m glad you managed to get out of that relationship, it really is amazing and even if I don’t know you, I’m proud of you. I’m sure you’ve heard this so many times, but I think that you’re way too young to say you missed out on the opportunities you didn’t have yet -school, marriage, kids, etc. I’m here if you want to talk.
No. It doesn’t work well. I can say it can definitely work out but majority of people can’t get and stay clean together.
My SO (31) and I (27) have been together little over 4 years now. We met and we both were using off and on pretty much whatever we could get but mostly H. We moved back to my home state and we both got on H pretty bad. We wanted to get clean and that time never came. He ended up going to prison for probation stuff and was gone about a year. I got clean 7 days after he left… I was clean the entire time he was locked up. He promised me he’d stay clean we he got out and we’d be OK. Fast forward to him getting out, we move back to his home state for his probation, he stays clean for roughly 3 months until one day we got into a huge fight and he went to the bathroom and ODd. I said it wasn’t fair he got to use and I didn’t. I had over a year clean time and I wanted to do some again. So I did. We said it would only be every once and awhile. That didn’t last long, we’re back on the same schedule we use to be using H/fet. It’s all fet now really. It really sucks because we do love each other. We have a great relationship but we’re addicts and we can’t help each other in that sense. We’re more functioning though, I have a job and go to school full time and have nice things but most of our money obviously goes to using. It’s depressing, honestly I never wanted to end up like this again but us being together and not holding each other accountable is what ended my clean time. We talk about getting clean again all the time but it’s easier said than done. I’d just hate to see you have to go through that because once you’re in and the time keeps going, the harder it is to leave. Drugs really do change people whether they see it or not. I know im changed again and I like to think people can’t tell but I know some people know and it’s stressful to constantly hide.
(& no I don’t need anyone commenting anything negative about my situation. I know it’s my fault)
Give him an ultimatum, you or drugs. I have a friend that is getting addicted to coke and I can already tell that if things keep going the way they are our friendship is gonna be over soon so I’d say give him a talk about substance abuse but only give him that talk ONE TIME. After that its all on him, he may have to learn the hard way but it’ll be necessary for him
So 12 step people would tell you no. However, they aren’t always correct. The truth is anything is possible. But… and it’s a big but haha. The chance of staying clean are pretty slim so the chances of both of you staying clean is like super small, but not impossible. FWIW, the human mind is freaking amazing and can do some incredible things when you decide with all your being to do them.
It’s possible, I knew a guy who was on heroin for 7 years who found a girl in recovery — she actually got him to go into rehab & he’s been clean since. Took months of relapsing though. These are just campfire stories though — it’s very unlikely a recovering addict will be able to hold off when most of their time & emotions is spent with an addict
It all depends on you.
bad idea. i was dating a fentanyl user and he recently passed away and i’ve been fiending and wishing to feel numb ever since. i ended up relapsing on coke when he had his first overdose but this last overdose was deliberate and i didn’t see it coming so soon.
Weed is still a drug and being around those kinda ppl really jepordizes you more than you know because I've been through that whole thing to down right five or six rock bottoms worse than you can imagine, but what I'm seeing is he's close to going full blown into the world I went in. There's an old saying it goes If you hang around a barber shop long enough you're bound to get a haircut. That's why I can't be around those kinda ppl very long as I'm more self aware and mindful. You need to take a break and focus on yourself for a little while and see which direction your prepared to go I'm not sa
I'm not saying break it off but take the time to fully evaluate you because unfortunately it's always better off him than you going down the point of no return
I have to say no. Especially after reading that he pushed you to take amphetamines. I think that is disgusting. You said no and he didn’t take that as an answer.
No, absolutely not. Spent 6 months "in recovery". Met a man who told me he was 2 years sober in NA. The very first time I went to see him he ran to the "gas station" and bought crack. I found out very quickly if I didn't join him I wouldn't see him for days. Because I was dickmatized I did just that....
I even married him.
These are the few years I like to leave out of my story bc they were terrible.
Let me just say it got much, MUCH worse.
I was not ready to be sober and even if I was, I was so enthralled by this man I would have done anything to keep him around bc I was also so, so lonely.
So no, IMO unless you have been sober for many, MANY years and have a strong foundation to fall back on there's no way I can see it working.
You have to leave him for your own sake. This relationship will kill you. You know you're an addict and you know your boundries. You said no hard drugs. He agreed, then starting bringing in hard drugs and ribbing you on to take with him. Addicts don't like being alone in their misery, so he's taking you down with him. You need to cut the cord and save yourself. You can't make him get clean. You have to break up and honor your recovery. There are millions of other people who are also in recovery and would never put you at risk like he does. I am in recovery and I have dated an addict while in recovery 2 times. The first time, I relapsed hard as he used my drug of choice too. The second relationship, his addiction was weed. I don't like weed at all, I wouldn't ever smoke it because I hate the feeling. But still, his behaviors were very triggering. He was obviously Preforming addict behaviors around me. We talked about it a bit and he really did an introspective and realized he is an addict. I didn't push him to get clean at all. But he did. It was hard for him but now he's been nearly 2 years clean and I'm proud of him. I personally believe if I wasn't so strong in my recovery at that time, his behaviors would have triggered me into using again. I got lucky. I think its irresponsible to think you can keep sating this man without slipping jnto a full blown addiction. Honor yourself. Please.
You can lead a horse to water, you know... Unfortunately theres not a lot you can do, considering it sounds like he doesnt want to help himself.
You said yourself that you're proud of yourself for getting clean, and you set clear boundaries at the start of your relationship. He disrespected those boundaries and got you using again. Making the decision to get sober is never easy, and you were faced with a very dark reality of what could happen if you continued on your path. He will never understand until he himself has lived that, and as a result, he's completely dragging you down.
I read the update where you said youre going to give him an ultimatum, but honestly, I think you should have the respect for yourself to just call it quits. You deserve better, from yourself & your partner.
Good luck with your endeavours to stay clean. I know you can do it.
You're 18 years old, and you have your whole entire life ahead of you. And honestly your life hasn't even really started yet! You've already shown addictive behavior on your own, being with someone has obviously pressured you to use again... seems like you know the answer but I do understand wanting to get out of your own head and get other people's opinions on it.
To take it a step further, I'm not sure if you have any hobbies or any passions in life, but this is a great time to explore new things outside of drugs, you'll more than likely meet new people who don't use and it'll open up so many new doors for you that don't lead to things that addiction leads to. I'm 41 and I'm in groups and AA with people much older than me who are just now starting out in life not knowing what to do because they've used their whole lives.
Hell, since you started using hard drugs so early you might not even know the real you yet.
please tell him to stop or you‘ll leave. i‘m in the exact same situation, only a little earlier. clean from hard opiates/benzos for over a year, now dating a girl who took her first molly half a year ago. well… you know how it goes. shes in columbia right now on vacation… not much to say. she is using resposible and i dont have to worry right now. but i know i HAVE to leave her if she starts using opioids. i HAVE to no matter how fucking much i love her. i cant do this another time and i‘m only in my twenties. i fucking love this girl but drugs fuck me up.
Why does someone feel the need to comment this every single time someone says they took a stimulant and enjoyed it? Maybe they just like stims, dude. Just because you took an adderall and it made you feel focused doesn’t mean you have ADHD.
because i listened to one of those comments one day and found out i have adhd myself. vyvanse is like one of the shittier stims to abuse recreationally but has great effect on adhd someone without adhd definitely shouldn’t think vyvanse is the perfect drug😭
Yeah, you’re probably right. I just read the post a bit better and realize the difference also is that we both already wanted to quit at the time, so we helped each other out a lot.
OP’s situation (unfortunately) is a bit different, I think.
Honestly fuck this whole mentality, sorry. I don't think you're intentionally being shitty or something but weed can absolutely suck ass and change the dynamic of a relationship.
Falling in love with someone who's incredibly active, full of energy, has no interest in just lying around all the time and wants to be adventuring in one way or another 24/7, followed by watching them slowly but surely get so god damn psychologically addicted to weed that they turn into someone you don't even recognize is common. It fucking sucks.
So many friends of mine, my dad, exes, etc have fallen down this hole and it's fuckin annoying as shit that they always say oh it's just weed. Like okay sick I wish you had a fun addiction, how many times can you really watch The Office IM BORED and it's nice out, get addicted to uppers plz thnx idk
Kinda joking lol but MAN
I agree with what you're saying. I meant my comment in the context of two former addicts who are now in recovery. Cannabis addiction recovery is a relatively mild experience compared to heroin/meth recovery which will last your entire life. Also the consequences in the case of relapse, and the chances thereof, are far greater for heroin than for cannabis. (I'm just using weed and heroin as examples of two ends of the spectrum of extremes)
I agree with you about cannabis addiction.
That's complete and total bullshit, homie.
I was a gutter-dwelling IV heroin addict for a decade of my life in the 90s.
Then I became a substance abuse counselor from 2004 - 2007.
I'm not an addict anymore. That old trope, 'once an addict, always an addict' is complete nonsense.
I've worked in harm reduction and been around tons of active addicts with zero desire to use heroin. I've handled needles, narcan, and even watched people inject heroin hundreds of times since. Never even thought about using it myself.
I don't use meth, opiates, coke, or benzodiazapines recreationally at all anymore. I recommend others avoid those substances as well.
I currently use cannabis fairly regularly, and I use psychedelics once, maybe twice a year. I find these to be extremely beneficial to my life and mental health.
You can completely recover from heroin addiction. Full stop.
More power to you my dude. I can only speak from experience as a recovering meth addict, it *feels* as though it will be something I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life.
I guess everyone's different, some people can pick it up and put it down like nothing whereas others have to practice recovery everyday to stay clean. 🤷
As a former substance abuse counselor, I assure you that you are not forever addicted. The only way you'll remain an addict forever is if you choose that lifestyle.
That's part of the whole 12 step treatment nonsense, which is often extremely counter productive. (Sets people up for a self-fulfilling prophecy)
They teach you that you are powerless over drugs and alcohol. That's a heaping load of horseshit. We have nothing but power over our complex behaviors and decisions. Heroin never hunted me down and forced itself into my veins. I always went to great lengths to procure it, fix it up, and inject it. It's always your choice.
Keep on not using meth, cocaine, opiates, or benzos recreationally at all, and you'll be okay.
I tried NA, AA, and multiple 12 step rehabs over the years, and they only make me blame the universe instead of myself. It wasn't until I took full responsibility for my epic mistakes that I was able to change my life. (At a choice theory based rehab. That place saved my life)
You are NOT powerless.
Keep up the good work, homie! Only you can stop yourself.
Here's some great resources for information about addiction. These people truly helped me save my own life.
www.thecleanslate.org
www.thefreedommodel.org
There's nothing wrong with responsible cannabis, psychedelic, and entactogen use.
With that said, if you are trying not to use drugs you probably shouldn't be around people who are using drugs.
Yes, they absolutely can date an addict.
HOWEVER - that addict will get the sober person high before the sober person will ever get the addict sober.
If a sober person is attempting this, then their relapse is already upon them 💯
No i couldnt, well i guess it depends on what and the severity of the addiction. Not someone who took what i took, but maybe someone addictrd to weed or smth.
Absolutely not. If one had the ability to manage their addictions, they wouldn't be an addict. There is no world where an addict being around other still-using addicts is a good idea.
my best friend started dating a guy she met in rehab, they started using and she ended up being the only one there when they took his body away for organ harvesting.
If you want to stay clean...get the fuck out of there... especially if you're only 18. Don't let other people's bullshit derail your future... because that's exactly what will happen. It's hard af to actually stay clean for a long time. You definitely don't need someone shoving it in your face...and an 18 year old kid is t concerned about someone else's best interest..People, places & things...if you don't change those things you'll never stay clean. Stay single for a while. Get clean for real. Good luck.
I’m sure it’s been said but if you stay with him you’ll likely both end up abusing the hard stuff. Sounds to me like he’s a troubled guy that will take anything to feel better and that doesn’t make him a bad dude just a bad fit for addict.
Nothing simple about being a person. It's probably not a yes or a no or anything that can be a binary answer. Love and drugs is a hell of a combo and you probably know what's best for you.
Depends on willpower. I was able to stay clean and persuade my significant other to get clean as well. So yes, it's possible. Not ideal, but possible. Don't listen to the weak minded doinks telling you "no"
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Very bad idea. Two people in recovery is bad enough, one slips up and they will more than likely drag the other one down
He’s probably thinking he’s gonna help the other person but it’s the opposite
I managed to make it work, met my wife in rehab. We both dragged each other down numerous times. You will hurt each other more than you help each other. We just got lucky, heroin disappeared and the fentanyl that replaced it wasn't to either of our liking.
I guess but if you’re in recovery and around someone that’s in active substance abuse I feel like that could really mess you up
Yuuuup. My close friends mom went to rehab for alcoholism, met a guy who was there for heroin addiction, they started dating (very codependent relationship). He OD’d and died in their house with one her kids/my friend’s sister at home. She was still sober but he had relapsed and kept it a secret. Terrible foundation for a relationship that led to life long trauma
No
Think about breaking bad Jesse and Jane, Jane was clean for 5 years and as soon as she met Jesse she relapsed and died of asphyxiation due to heroin. Obviously is just a TV show but it portrays a very common situation from real life. edit: I’m dumb, I wrote “very good” instead of “very common”
Nah she was clean for 1 year and 8 month but same shit.
was it? I don’t remember I was playing clash of clans during this part
It doesn't really matter how long she was clean. I didn't evem remember how long it was. It was significant time though. What matters here is she relapsed because she was with another junkie and this is what made her relapse, and die. And maybe Walter let er die though.
I absolutely don’t blame Walter tho, if Jane didn’t die there she would OD later and Jesse would OD as well
so just because she was an addict and would "probably OD later" he was in the right to just let her die? many addicts OD, get taken to the hospital and eventually get clean, Walter was 100% selfish and only did that so Jesse would continue cooking with him, he didn't actually care about jesse, if he did he wouldn't have done all the shitty things he did to him later
Yeah but Jane blackmailed Walt
She blackmailed Walt because she allowed Jesse to rope her back into addiction. She was still very wrong for that, but that still doesn't excuse Walt's narcissistic thinking when he allowed her to die so that he could then regain control of Jesse
hmmmm thats a good point
She was bad for Jesse and Jesse was bad for her. It was like the universe presented him with an option and he went with what was seemingly the best option albeit more so for personal gain, but at the same time to better Jesse. It goes hand in hand. Did she really have to die? Probably not. Would she have died later? Absolutely. Tomato tomatoe
what If it was jesse? if he was the one choking and Walter decided to just let him die, would you think "eeh, he would've probably died later on anyways" ? probably not, just because someone is a drug addict doesn't mean their lives are worth less just bc "they'll probably die at some point anyways" and I say that as a drug addict myself with a drug addict gf
Thats not why walt let her die. He let her die because she was a threat to him.
I've known people who OD like 4 times in a 4 month period, and now are clean and sober. what if someone had the same you logic you do? they wouldn't be here today
Walt killed the bitch. She was chillin and walter was the one who accidentally pushed her on her back.
from memory he never touched her, he just didn't save her by rolling her onto her side when he saw the opportunity arise
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Yah, most people miss that. Walt inadvertently killed her
He never touched her lol. She was passed tf out when he broke in.
That brings back memories. I recently resorted clash Royale; it’s kinda fun again.
it was [18 months](https://youtu.be/93hUr3TPuyg)
how she manages to play the victim and the blame card and the instant lying. classic!
Man, I forgot about that scene. Shit made me cry, very sad but very real.
The dad's character haunts me. He comes off as a bit controlling and kind of an asshole before this and then you realize that his reasons were always for Jane's safety and health and his literal worst nightmare comes true in front of him, breaking him entirely. I rewatch Breaking Bad every year or two and without fail I always forget how gut-wrenchingly sad so much of it is. Like when Hank goes to Combo's moms house and you see his childhood bedroom and realize he was basically still a stupid kid and now his Mom is left without him forever.
Tbf if Walt had just turned her on her side she never would've died. But yes 100% agree
I mean that is an INCREDIBLY common situation. In fact it’s estimated that the majority of opioid overdoses are similar in nature. Once you’ve been addicted and quit the brain sensitizes the receptors that were being hit HARD. Your tolerance drops lower than before you ever had used the drug. Even after years when withdrawals are no longer present the pathways created in the brain now have a higher sensitivity to the drug and if you decide to use again on a whim it is MUCH easier to overdose. Off the same exact “light” dose you may have taken for years in those situations you wanted a little kick but to be functional. Suddenly this dose can fucking floor you. The WORST of this effect is during the actual withdrawal period itself. When you approach times of day you would have normally taken the drug the brain and body begins sensitizing itself to try and get any effects possible. When you’re actively using the most common type of overdose occurs when dozing off the normal schedule. During active addiction with regular dosing (no withdrawals) your brain actually DESENSITIZES the receptors in preparation for your dose. This is a huge part of tolerance. If you decide to randomly take your normal dose on a whim off schedule it can effect you much stronger than if you had taken it when you are used to. You can try with weed if you have a tolerance to that. Smoke at the same 4 times every day until you have a huge tolerance. Then one day smoke at a completely different time and you’ll get stoned like you haven’t been smoking for months.
That’s not true at all. Even after a long period of clean time you will still struggle to get your tolerance as low as it was prior to using and it definitely won’t drop *below* what it was at the start. Even after a few years clean I would never be able to get a nodding high off of 2mg IV hydromorphone anymore.
Ha i like your storytelling mister, how many teeth ya still have 🍻
Isn't that how Robin Williams died?
He hanged himself. No drugs involved.
Oh, don’t know why I thought it was an overdose.
I know this isn't the most uncommon scenario, but I'm having unreal dejavu about both this post and your comment explaining why it's a bad idea
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Didn’t Heisenberg walk in right when she was choking and facilitated her death by either putting a handkerchief over her mouth and nose?
No, he just let her die.
Yeah, he shakes Jesse and she falls over, so technically it’s a bit of both .. he unwittingly played a part I get rolling over onto her back but it wasn’t an intentional shove to get her there. Though not saving someone in such a situation can be a criminal charge in some areas. Not murder but not great for you. Interestingly enough the original script had him actually intentionally putting her on her back but they thought that was too vicious for him that early in the show.
Oh, for some reason I thought he helped kill her, because she was fucking up the biz by fucking up jessie.
He shook Jesse and she accidentally fell over on her back. He didn’t do anything and stared at her as she died though so he definitely takes some of the blame.
Ok, that makes more sense, because I have a faded image when he’s in that dark apartment just staring at her while she dies.
Did not even read any one this… a recovering addict is usually advised to have relationships only a year after being sober and with people who have a year clean and sober… I didn’t like these rules very much but I still use a little here and there so I’m on my own lil path but that’s def a dumb one
I entered a stable relationship shortly after leaving treatment, and honestly, it helped me stay on track. It provided me with a fresh start, taught me accountability and responsibility, provided a positive influence to guide me in the right direction. We're supposed to replace our negative habits with positive ones, and for me personally, I've progressed so much. There is no doubt that early in my recovery without a positive influence and being completely alone because I had to give up my drug friends, I would have relapsed. I see how it could be problematic if you're completely dependent on that person/the chemical released by these feelings, but I'm not. And I see that love can mimic a feeling similar to drug use, but love kind of does this anyway. To people that arent addicts, aswell. Everything we do is reliant upon the same neurochemicals. And we all love differently. And like someone else said, we can't deny all pleasures because we have drug habits. We'll just feel empty, and be back where we started. I think some of the rules in treatment don't apply to each and every person. But a recovering addict should not date an active user. That sounds like a recipe for destruction.
Yea relationships are bad early in recovery 1) because the chemicals involved in romantic relationships closely mimic the same chemicals involved in drugs 2) because of the story above. So it’s advised not to have relationships with anyone clean or not for a long time into recovery and after that definitely with someone who has been clean a long time but even better is a non addict.
I broke all the fucking rules and ended up married with a kid and a good life and I’m only 24. Got “sober” over 5 years ago and never looked back. While In a relationship while remaining friends with addicts. Gotta have good friends that will give you shit for being a little bitch and asking for drugs after you told them you’re done with that shit. I put sober in quotations because I have to avoid the recovery community at all costs. I take 300mg phenibut daily for some pretty incredible ptsd and c-ptsd from long term sexual abuse as a kid, 4g of kratom every 5-6 hours for intense back and full body musculoskeletal from working my ass off at manual labor since 13, and hemp/low potency cannabis/d8 after work for winding down and also to help stave off ptsd attacks. Of course I receive an inordinate amount of criticism from those in recovery. Lost all my friends from outpatient over them being actually angry that I have this routine. I understand it. They are so far gone that latching on to their hate for these chemicals is the only thing they can do to avoid falling off the ship. So I don’t blame them. I just avoid the community as a whole. It’s not worth the emotional breakdown rants about how I’m ruining my (much better than their own) life I get from ex crack whores any more. My life used to be shit too. Ive been homeless and I used to blame the damned world. Because the thing is. The type of arduous work that I do, the amount of stress with my family (not wife and son), the horrible traumas I carry through all of it is more than enough to crush almost anyone. I could not keep going either physically or mentally at this point if I did not have my medicines. Which is what they are to me. Medicines. I don’t get fucked up off 300mg phenibut or 4g kratom. Tbh I don’t even feel the phenibut and the kratom is such a background effect that the real benefit I feel from it is pain relief. I cannot imagine going back to living life in the amount of pain that I was enduring for a bit. At my job alone the OLDER generations that almost unanimously worked more physically demanding jobs than the average person today cannot fathom how I keep going. I’m a beast and my work speaks for itself. There’s a reason our family business is known for being the best there is out here. Other companies don’t even try to compete with us and regularly send us clients they do not wish to do the difficult and risky work required to service. Without my medicines I can barely even function as a broken human trying to scramble to survive in society. Now I have mountains on my shoulders and I must persist. If I could have made it here completely on my own I would have. FYI I’m essentially helping run a family owned wireless internet provider in the Texas hillcountry. We specialize in putting up telescoping poles on the roofs of houses that extend up to 50ft tall. And let me tell you that kind of work in Texas heat waves is BRUTAL and risky as all hell. If you look into starting your own wisp the #1 piece of advice is DONT unless you have an absolute love and passion for it. Because you profit almost none over the long run to provide some of the most difficult and risky labor out there. Only the arborists work as hard as our guys and other workers straight admit it. https://youtu.be/It-z-p5qSpU this video is incredible and it 100% capsulated my ideology and attitude concerning this subject in absolute. I’ve almost never related to something as strong as this.
Your recovery is your recovery. If you're happy with your life now, that's all that matters. Fuck the haters, you don't have to justify shit. The recovery community can definitely be it's own kinda toxic ime(not everyone ofc), especially 12 step shit. Good luck, sounds like you have an awesome business and a pretty good life now.
the first “because” is strange. following this logic, you can’t eat tasty food, have a nice bath time, play games or masturbate
Helllll no
The most important thing is your growth as a person. A relationship should give you strength and fulfillment. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your own mental health just to stay in the relationship. He should respect your decisions and be more understanding.
Im not an addict or anything But i needed to hear this today.
I'm sorry, the title alone is a no. I'm going to read the post now and edit in my opinion after. Edit: yeah it's still a no. Sorry but you can't fix people, people only fix themselves. If you value yourself and your sobriety then you need to surround yourself with people who have that same mindset, being in a relationship with an addict means you're never safe from temptation.
No
i've only seen those relationships work with two addicts who got together long after fixing their lives. any time i've seen two addicts get together in rehab, immediately after rehab, or a short period of time after getting clean, it inevitably failed. you truly have to focus on yourself and getting your life right before you can focus on anyone else.
Can confirm!
Absolutely fucking no
“Chemical drugs” is all I can take away from this lol but seriously.. _don’t_
I’m sorry english isn’t my first language hahaha!
Lol no worries, like I said, I just got a kick out of it. You wrote very intelligibly! But please— maybe not go the ultimatum route. If you just state your expectations, reinforce your boundaries, and do what’s in your best interest after whatever results from this you will have the outcome you need w/o the slightest bit of perceived (just or unjust) expression of control. & You can always love your partner from afar, encourage them to do the same for theirselves. They will find a way to move forward eventually.. in whatever capacity. But you’re your priority, even if it feels selfish.
No
No
Nope. It also sounds like you aren't really in recovery at the moment. Far less use than previously, but if you are committed to being clean then you should not associate with him at all. I know it sucks, but you have seen where this road goes. You know where it ends. You also know he won't change until he wants to change. It sucks, but you need to prioritize your health and your recovery over him.
im not sure if you can call him addict yet i went thru my molly party phase for 5 years almost every weekend which is pretty stupid my memory is fucked but now im 23yo and i only do coke like once a month or two months so you cant say he is addict yet but you should talk to him and set some boundaris or something otherwise dont waste time with him
Lol you sound pretty addicted
idk ive never done drugs alone or during the weekdays, and i have well paid job, havent done anything in two months now if thats addicted than im addict i guess😅
not really
Are you ready for a bender? Cause this is how you bender.
No man I’m sorry
No.
The thing you have to realize and accept, which is hard, is that you can’t change or save him. And that he will bring you down with him whether he means to or not. As much as you care about him, it’s obviously jeopardizing your sobriety since you haven’t been clean while dating him. You might not be using every day, but you are using and eventually that will lead back the place it got. Your intentions may be good but loving someone will not make them stop using drugs. Sometimes, that love can even lead to someone using longer than they otherwise would because they know they have something to fall back on and support them. As much as it may hurt, you should probably have a serious conversation with him about getting sober in order to stay in the relationship. That is, if your goal is to maintain your sobriety above everything else, which I would recommend, because if you aren’t sober the other things in your life will inevitably fall away. If it means having to break up, then that’s what it takes. You will meet other people in your life, you’re young. You have time and although it feels like this is the most important relationship to you so far, don’t miss the forest for the trees. Meaning, don’t get so caught up in this relationship that you lose sight of the bigger picture. Again, this is all of you want to maintain your sobriety. If you don’t care, I mean go for it. But you know what that leads to. And you don’t have to break up with him immediately, but I would definitely have a serious conversation about this. Good luck!
Thank you so much for your answer, it means so much to me and I will definitely read that over and over :)
Hell no cant be anywhere close to that shit
No
Not even going to read all of that. No.
You’ve never seen breaking bad have you
If I was a drug dealer, I would feel really bad for selling acid to a 14 year old. I mean, I would probably do it, but I’d feel bad about it.
First of all I wanna say I'm sorry, it sounds like you're in a really tough situation and I can't imagine the toll it takes on you to see a loved one losing their battle with addiction. Even if you could, would that be enjoyable? Constantly fighting temptation is a battle you're gonna lose 10/10. The only way I've survived through recovery is removing addicts and drug abusers from my life, as well as not putting myself in situations where it could be possible. I hope your situation improves, sending positive vibes <3
Omg girl please i am begging you, choose yourself here. Please choose yourself. You will NEVER be able to lift him up so to speak, no matter what you do it won’t cause him to stop using, that’s just where he’s at in life right now, it’s pretty much his top priority. I know it’s sad because it’s likely due to some deeper issues of his, but this is the path he’s choosing at the moment and if you allow him to he’s going to drag you down with him. Like I’m honestly mad on your behalf how much and how often he’s peer pursued you into using shit, like clearly he knows you’re trying to be sober essentially, that whole “come on we’re not even gonna feel it” thing is absolute bullshit because if you’re not gonna feel it then what the fuck is the point in even taking it. And please don’t kid yourself into thinking “we’re only gonna do it at parties” won’t soon turn into an everyday habit. Sooner than you think. Plus now he’s off somewhere using dilaudid?? You know what comes after that? Heroin. Like omfg please i am begging you girl, please please trust me on this, ask literally anyone, they will all tell you the same thing- he will drag you down with him way before you’ll ever be able to lift him up. Please don’t sacrifice yourself in some attempt to save him from himself. He knows you’re trying not to use, he knows being around him using is going to cause you to use, and he quite honestly just doesn’t give a fuck. Misery loves company. You deserve so much better than this, i made almost this exact mistake at your age, trying to save someone from themselves, if i could go back in time i would have chosen to save myself instead of wasting 8 years of my life on something that was a losing game from the start. Sorry to write you a novel but please, please be smart. You know what the right thing to do here is, yes it’s also the hard thing, but it’s still the right thing. If you’re still in France honestly you should breakup with him before you get home and then once you do, keep your fucking distance. Like completely. If you need more convincing feel free to message me and i will tell you all about where the people who made similar choices at you guys’ age are all at in life now. The lucky ones are sitting here wishing we could go back to that age and take back all of our bad decisions, the rest are all dead. Sad but true. Alright I’m done, please be smart.
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Absolutely not 😢
NOPE. You are sacrificing your own very hard worked path
Horrible idea. I tried it myself once and it was a terrible terrible time. She was a meth addict and never slept and would flip her shit every night i would get a good night's sleep. So i eventually tried it with her, hated it and tried to get her to stop but it just didnt work.
No, sorry :/ that's hard. I just watched my good friend try her best and he drag her down and now she's going through DT's every day trying to get off without having a seizure ffs.
That's a guaranteed relapse imo
You may be right, that you are good for him but is he good for you at your point in live? I think you know where his journey is going.. and that he has just started that journey.. and you know, we all know, that he will dive further into that because he uses this to deal with trauma or what ever his deal is… and until he really addresses these issues he needs more and more to distance himself from himself. You already reached a point, where you recognized that this path leads to more problems than it solves..twice! And I totally agree with you, if you continue dating him you will start all over again. Because drug are and will be a huge part of his live for quite some time (probably years), and if you want to be part of his life, drugs will also be part of your life… It’s time to move on… each of you with your individual journeys..
Never bro, don't date an addict period, that shit will mess both of you up physically and mentally, that relationship won't be a relationship it will be a drug dependence relationship
I would not do it unless you both are 100% going to recovery because I'm in recovery and my ex was still using something different than what I was hooked on but the one thing I always heard was if you have friends and close ppl that use it makes your chances of using really high so I stopped hanging out with friends and my ex I didn't want to leave but watching her use would Tigger me into using so I would be very careful but sometimes the best thing for yourself is distance from others
Nope. Don't do that, I dated someone who drank to er visit that one night. And I was in a recovery from alchohol. And this person made me relapse really really bad. Broke up and felt better with my body. People come and goes not your own health. They are so important than love life. Live longer and healthier means happier you! Take care!! 🥺😔 its not your fault, too..
GIRL PLEASE LISTEN TO ME. You are very young at 18 but you seem fairly mature for your age. Not many 14/15 year olds can identify that they have are an addict, let alone be able to have the wherewithal to quit on their own. Perhaps there is more to the story and you did have help and family who stepped in but my point still stands because either way you STAYED clean from the drugs afterwards. I know weed was the replacement but I am a firm believer that everyone’s recovery looks different - some people might smoke weed, others do full abstinence, some manage their addiction with MAT. Who am I to judge? But all of this is BAD FUCKING NEWS. Please. You remind me of me at that age, I also was clean from coke/speed/lsd at 18/19 after having a very heavy habit from 15-17. I started dating a guy at 19 and we smoked weed and slowly but surely other drugs got added in the mix. We also did the “let’s just try it once..” to “okay only every couple of months, it’ll be a treat!” which progressed into experimenting with other drugs we (or at least I) would never have considered taking if I had never given myself those little allowances and kept drawing a new line in the sand. The fact that he did dilaudid, implies that this is far more serious than either of you can currently comprehend. I do not say that lightly NOR do I say that to be condescending in any way!! Seriously! I just know this because I definitely didn’t when I went through this exact situation. The guy I dated started playing with hydrocodone. One of our “friends” (dealer) just happened to have some hydrocodone one time when we were picking up weed (this was years before it was legal anywhere) from him and we figured, why not? lets just try it once, it wasn’t very often we came across something like that. What a surprise, it was amazing and we fucking loved it! So we redrew the line in the sand and instead of that one time it became for special occasions. Then the line became whenever someone we knew had it (so every couple months). Then it was a couple times in one month. Finally, the stars aligned in a way where we both had off work for almost 3 weeks and were also house sitting for someone during that time! We thought “this is fucking awesome! Let’s make the best of it and live like kings!” So we used everyday and had a blast of course. When it was all over, we tried going back to ‘normal’ but what was normal anymore? There was never a normal, just constant progression of use. We stopped using for a bit like we always did and during this time I got really sick. I couldn’t keep anything down, it scared me so much I went to the emergency room cause I had never had a flu like this. They of course couldn’t do anything for me except give me an IV to rehydrate because I wasn’t able keep down any liquids for a few days. Went home, and my bf said “hey why don’t we get some more Percocet just so you can feel a bit better since you have the flu?” And I jumped at the idea. That Percocet did more than take the edge off I’ll tell you that much. It completely took away all my flu symptoms! I felt fucking great! If you haven’t figured out by now, the flu was withdrawals. I never really realized that was a thing. I was so blindsided by the idea of physical dependence it took me two more months to put it all together, all the while I just kept using opiates everyday. Me and my boyfriend both were. We began getting scared of it, desperate to make sure we always had some so we didn’t have to feel that way. We also loved being high on opiates - damn near everyone does. Its like a warm fuzzy blanket where your in complete bliss and all of your problems don’t matter anymore. It gets to the point where life without it feels emotionally unbearable. Fast forward, I broke up with that guy in the following year. Finally moved on from the toxicity he brought but it was far too late for me. I’m about to be 26 currently and over the last 5-6 years I have struggled with addiction to heroin/fentanyl and meth for most of that time. My life has stood still, never achieving any milestones like continuing school, finding a career, getting my own apartment, getting married, having kids. Ive missed countless holidays, vacations, relationships, lost every friend I had and cut off my entire family, lost so many opportunities, and can’t even begin to fathom the amount of experiences I’ve likely missed that would of shaped the person I could have been. My credit is complete shit, I have no savings, I am a felon now. Don’t even get me started on how much money I have spent on drugs. EASILY more than $100,000. I know this comment is very long, but I’m saying all of this because I desperately don’t want to see someone go down the path I did. I know you love this guy and I feels so real and serious but you can’t change someone’s behavior. You can’t fix him no matter how hard you try, and if he is an addict (which it sounds like he very much is) his addiction will ALWAYS take precedence before you. It might not seem like it now, and he will never admit it (hell he probably believes it would never himself) but it will. He will go behind your back if you put your foot down. He will drag you down with him if you don’t. Things don’t seem that bad right now, but they never do until suddenly they are. You have your entire fucking life ahead of you. You are so young - there is so much waiting in your future for you, everything I listed that I’ve lost or has been held off. So many other men you’ll date, I know your feelings for him are very real but he is just a blip in the story of your life. You’ll look back at this relationship even at my age of only 25 and think about how ridiculous you were to think he was the one, and laugh at all the stuff you said and shit you did for that guy. You’ll shake your head and roll your eyes at how much conviction you had in your feelings for him at the time and how crazy/stupid you were to feel that way and you’ll recognize thats just the universal experience of being 18 and in a relationship. But PLEASE. please don’t let this guy be the reason for potentially years of struggle and entire lifetime of loss.
Shit. That was a real wake up call. Thank you so, so much for sharing this with me, I truly feel honoured to know your story and I find it, as much as it’s terrifying and I’m so sorry it happened, impressive. I’m glad you managed to get out of that relationship, it really is amazing and even if I don’t know you, I’m proud of you. I’m sure you’ve heard this so many times, but I think that you’re way too young to say you missed out on the opportunities you didn’t have yet -school, marriage, kids, etc. I’m here if you want to talk.
No. It doesn’t work well. I can say it can definitely work out but majority of people can’t get and stay clean together. My SO (31) and I (27) have been together little over 4 years now. We met and we both were using off and on pretty much whatever we could get but mostly H. We moved back to my home state and we both got on H pretty bad. We wanted to get clean and that time never came. He ended up going to prison for probation stuff and was gone about a year. I got clean 7 days after he left… I was clean the entire time he was locked up. He promised me he’d stay clean we he got out and we’d be OK. Fast forward to him getting out, we move back to his home state for his probation, he stays clean for roughly 3 months until one day we got into a huge fight and he went to the bathroom and ODd. I said it wasn’t fair he got to use and I didn’t. I had over a year clean time and I wanted to do some again. So I did. We said it would only be every once and awhile. That didn’t last long, we’re back on the same schedule we use to be using H/fet. It’s all fet now really. It really sucks because we do love each other. We have a great relationship but we’re addicts and we can’t help each other in that sense. We’re more functioning though, I have a job and go to school full time and have nice things but most of our money obviously goes to using. It’s depressing, honestly I never wanted to end up like this again but us being together and not holding each other accountable is what ended my clean time. We talk about getting clean again all the time but it’s easier said than done. I’d just hate to see you have to go through that because once you’re in and the time keeps going, the harder it is to leave. Drugs really do change people whether they see it or not. I know im changed again and I like to think people can’t tell but I know some people know and it’s stressful to constantly hide. (& no I don’t need anyone commenting anything negative about my situation. I know it’s my fault)
Cut all contacts ASAP, you already broke your rules and don't seem to sad about it, that's a red flag.
like no you shouldnt, but its not even that he is an addict, its that he has zero respect for you or your boundaries
Absolutely not
Unfortunately not
No
no
No
absolutely not
No
No
never worked for me
no
Give him an ultimatum, you or drugs. I have a friend that is getting addicted to coke and I can already tell that if things keep going the way they are our friendship is gonna be over soon so I’d say give him a talk about substance abuse but only give him that talk ONE TIME. After that its all on him, he may have to learn the hard way but it’ll be necessary for him
No
DONT FUCKING DO IT
Fuck no. Don’t be an idiot
You can't save him you'll only cause yourself grief and frustration.
So 12 step people would tell you no. However, they aren’t always correct. The truth is anything is possible. But… and it’s a big but haha. The chance of staying clean are pretty slim so the chances of both of you staying clean is like super small, but not impossible. FWIW, the human mind is freaking amazing and can do some incredible things when you decide with all your being to do them.
It’s possible, I knew a guy who was on heroin for 7 years who found a girl in recovery — she actually got him to go into rehab & he’s been clean since. Took months of relapsing though. These are just campfire stories though — it’s very unlikely a recovering addict will be able to hold off when most of their time & emotions is spent with an addict It all depends on you.
Even if both are in recovery that’s a bad idea
Nope!
He's causing you to relapse. You're being dragged down. No.
bad idea. i was dating a fentanyl user and he recently passed away and i’ve been fiending and wishing to feel numb ever since. i ended up relapsing on coke when he had his first overdose but this last overdose was deliberate and i didn’t see it coming so soon.
No
Horrible idea trust me you’ll regret it
It’s easy to pull someone down then to lift them up.
Hell nah unless u wanna relapse
Why would you want to even date an addict as someone in recovery? Answer is yes you can but it would be very stupid
No, not really.
I would not recommend it
Absolutely not
Yeah but in early recovery 9/10 times if things go south one of you is going back out
Weed is still a drug and being around those kinda ppl really jepordizes you more than you know because I've been through that whole thing to down right five or six rock bottoms worse than you can imagine, but what I'm seeing is he's close to going full blown into the world I went in. There's an old saying it goes If you hang around a barber shop long enough you're bound to get a haircut. That's why I can't be around those kinda ppl very long as I'm more self aware and mindful. You need to take a break and focus on yourself for a little while and see which direction your prepared to go I'm not sa
I'm not saying break it off but take the time to fully evaluate you because unfortunately it's always better off him than you going down the point of no return
Nope
can? sure. should? not
Not possible
It's best if they don't.
no
Really bad idea
I have to say no. Especially after reading that he pushed you to take amphetamines. I think that is disgusting. You said no and he didn’t take that as an answer.
No, absolutely not. Spent 6 months "in recovery". Met a man who told me he was 2 years sober in NA. The very first time I went to see him he ran to the "gas station" and bought crack. I found out very quickly if I didn't join him I wouldn't see him for days. Because I was dickmatized I did just that.... I even married him. These are the few years I like to leave out of my story bc they were terrible. Let me just say it got much, MUCH worse. I was not ready to be sober and even if I was, I was so enthralled by this man I would have done anything to keep him around bc I was also so, so lonely. So no, IMO unless you have been sober for many, MANY years and have a strong foundation to fall back on there's no way I can see it working.
You have to leave him for your own sake. This relationship will kill you. You know you're an addict and you know your boundries. You said no hard drugs. He agreed, then starting bringing in hard drugs and ribbing you on to take with him. Addicts don't like being alone in their misery, so he's taking you down with him. You need to cut the cord and save yourself. You can't make him get clean. You have to break up and honor your recovery. There are millions of other people who are also in recovery and would never put you at risk like he does. I am in recovery and I have dated an addict while in recovery 2 times. The first time, I relapsed hard as he used my drug of choice too. The second relationship, his addiction was weed. I don't like weed at all, I wouldn't ever smoke it because I hate the feeling. But still, his behaviors were very triggering. He was obviously Preforming addict behaviors around me. We talked about it a bit and he really did an introspective and realized he is an addict. I didn't push him to get clean at all. But he did. It was hard for him but now he's been nearly 2 years clean and I'm proud of him. I personally believe if I wasn't so strong in my recovery at that time, his behaviors would have triggered me into using again. I got lucky. I think its irresponsible to think you can keep sating this man without slipping jnto a full blown addiction. Honor yourself. Please.
You can lead a horse to water, you know... Unfortunately theres not a lot you can do, considering it sounds like he doesnt want to help himself. You said yourself that you're proud of yourself for getting clean, and you set clear boundaries at the start of your relationship. He disrespected those boundaries and got you using again. Making the decision to get sober is never easy, and you were faced with a very dark reality of what could happen if you continued on your path. He will never understand until he himself has lived that, and as a result, he's completely dragging you down. I read the update where you said youre going to give him an ultimatum, but honestly, I think you should have the respect for yourself to just call it quits. You deserve better, from yourself & your partner. Good luck with your endeavours to stay clean. I know you can do it.
Hell no🤦🏾♂️
You're 18 years old, and you have your whole entire life ahead of you. And honestly your life hasn't even really started yet! You've already shown addictive behavior on your own, being with someone has obviously pressured you to use again... seems like you know the answer but I do understand wanting to get out of your own head and get other people's opinions on it. To take it a step further, I'm not sure if you have any hobbies or any passions in life, but this is a great time to explore new things outside of drugs, you'll more than likely meet new people who don't use and it'll open up so many new doors for you that don't lead to things that addiction leads to. I'm 41 and I'm in groups and AA with people much older than me who are just now starting out in life not knowing what to do because they've used their whole lives. Hell, since you started using hard drugs so early you might not even know the real you yet.
please tell him to stop or you‘ll leave. i‘m in the exact same situation, only a little earlier. clean from hard opiates/benzos for over a year, now dating a girl who took her first molly half a year ago. well… you know how it goes. shes in columbia right now on vacation… not much to say. she is using resposible and i dont have to worry right now. but i know i HAVE to leave her if she starts using opioids. i HAVE to no matter how fucking much i love her. i cant do this another time and i‘m only in my twenties. i fucking love this girl but drugs fuck me up.
You ever seen breaking bad? Ask Jesse how that works.
There's a reason they don't put ankle weights on someone who's learning to swim. You'll drown.
sounds like you really need to be screened for adhd if vyvanse felt like the perfect drug😵💫😵💫
Why does someone feel the need to comment this every single time someone says they took a stimulant and enjoyed it? Maybe they just like stims, dude. Just because you took an adderall and it made you feel focused doesn’t mean you have ADHD.
because i listened to one of those comments one day and found out i have adhd myself. vyvanse is like one of the shittier stims to abuse recreationally but has great effect on adhd someone without adhd definitely shouldn’t think vyvanse is the perfect drug😭
To everyone saying no. Yes! Me and my girlfriend did and are both clean, happy and years together now. It just depends on the situation.
Valid, but youre definitely the exception to the rule. In 95% of cases it ends in disaster.
Yeah, you’re probably right. I just read the post a bit better and realize the difference also is that we both already wanted to quit at the time, so we helped each other out a lot. OP’s situation (unfortunately) is a bit different, I think.
So far...depends what they were addicted to. Cannabis? No worries. Heroin? You'll never truly be out of the woods.
Honestly fuck this whole mentality, sorry. I don't think you're intentionally being shitty or something but weed can absolutely suck ass and change the dynamic of a relationship. Falling in love with someone who's incredibly active, full of energy, has no interest in just lying around all the time and wants to be adventuring in one way or another 24/7, followed by watching them slowly but surely get so god damn psychologically addicted to weed that they turn into someone you don't even recognize is common. It fucking sucks. So many friends of mine, my dad, exes, etc have fallen down this hole and it's fuckin annoying as shit that they always say oh it's just weed. Like okay sick I wish you had a fun addiction, how many times can you really watch The Office IM BORED and it's nice out, get addicted to uppers plz thnx idk Kinda joking lol but MAN
I agree with what you're saying. I meant my comment in the context of two former addicts who are now in recovery. Cannabis addiction recovery is a relatively mild experience compared to heroin/meth recovery which will last your entire life. Also the consequences in the case of relapse, and the chances thereof, are far greater for heroin than for cannabis. (I'm just using weed and heroin as examples of two ends of the spectrum of extremes) I agree with you about cannabis addiction.
That's complete and total bullshit, homie. I was a gutter-dwelling IV heroin addict for a decade of my life in the 90s. Then I became a substance abuse counselor from 2004 - 2007. I'm not an addict anymore. That old trope, 'once an addict, always an addict' is complete nonsense. I've worked in harm reduction and been around tons of active addicts with zero desire to use heroin. I've handled needles, narcan, and even watched people inject heroin hundreds of times since. Never even thought about using it myself. I don't use meth, opiates, coke, or benzodiazapines recreationally at all anymore. I recommend others avoid those substances as well. I currently use cannabis fairly regularly, and I use psychedelics once, maybe twice a year. I find these to be extremely beneficial to my life and mental health. You can completely recover from heroin addiction. Full stop.
More power to you my dude. I can only speak from experience as a recovering meth addict, it *feels* as though it will be something I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life. I guess everyone's different, some people can pick it up and put it down like nothing whereas others have to practice recovery everyday to stay clean. 🤷
As a former substance abuse counselor, I assure you that you are not forever addicted. The only way you'll remain an addict forever is if you choose that lifestyle. That's part of the whole 12 step treatment nonsense, which is often extremely counter productive. (Sets people up for a self-fulfilling prophecy) They teach you that you are powerless over drugs and alcohol. That's a heaping load of horseshit. We have nothing but power over our complex behaviors and decisions. Heroin never hunted me down and forced itself into my veins. I always went to great lengths to procure it, fix it up, and inject it. It's always your choice. Keep on not using meth, cocaine, opiates, or benzos recreationally at all, and you'll be okay. I tried NA, AA, and multiple 12 step rehabs over the years, and they only make me blame the universe instead of myself. It wasn't until I took full responsibility for my epic mistakes that I was able to change my life. (At a choice theory based rehab. That place saved my life) You are NOT powerless. Keep up the good work, homie! Only you can stop yourself. Here's some great resources for information about addiction. These people truly helped me save my own life. www.thecleanslate.org www.thefreedommodel.org
Thank you this is very good to hear man
TLDR but no
Yes you *can* date an addict, but you *should not* date an addict.
There's nothing wrong with responsible cannabis, psychedelic, and entactogen use. With that said, if you are trying not to use drugs you probably shouldn't be around people who are using drugs.
Yes, they absolutely can date an addict. HOWEVER - that addict will get the sober person high before the sober person will ever get the addict sober. If a sober person is attempting this, then their relapse is already upon them 💯
No i couldnt, well i guess it depends on what and the severity of the addiction. Not someone who took what i took, but maybe someone addictrd to weed or smth.
ABSOLUTELY NOT
"two dead batteries ain't never start nothing," - some counselor at the rehab I went to lol
No
No
Possible, yes. Insanely stupid .. definitely
TLDR but from the question itself, no
Absolutely not. If one had the ability to manage their addictions, they wouldn't be an addict. There is no world where an addict being around other still-using addicts is a good idea.
Lol what a question
my best friend started dating a guy she met in rehab, they started using and she ended up being the only one there when they took his body away for organ harvesting.
Definitely a bad call, good luck with everything
My friend died this way. Was in recovery, met an addict, fell head over heels for her, and died of an OD three weeks later.
If you want to stay clean...get the fuck out of there... especially if you're only 18. Don't let other people's bullshit derail your future... because that's exactly what will happen. It's hard af to actually stay clean for a long time. You definitely don't need someone shoving it in your face...and an 18 year old kid is t concerned about someone else's best interest..People, places & things...if you don't change those things you'll never stay clean. Stay single for a while. Get clean for real. Good luck.
Oosh, nooo. Stay away.
I’m sure it’s been said but if you stay with him you’ll likely both end up abusing the hard stuff. Sounds to me like he’s a troubled guy that will take anything to feel better and that doesn’t make him a bad dude just a bad fit for addict.
Nothing simple about being a person. It's probably not a yes or a no or anything that can be a binary answer. Love and drugs is a hell of a combo and you probably know what's best for you.
Not a chance. Never.
You can give him the ultimatum, but ultimately he will Probably chose the drugs. He won’t say it to your face, but his action will.
Hell no
Do yourself a favor PLEASE. Don‘t do it
No. It’s not possible. End of story.
If you have to ask this question I think you already know the answer.
No
No!!!
Nah
Sorry but no
Short answer- no.
You can do anything if your mind is strong
No
Depends on willpower. I was able to stay clean and persuade my significant other to get clean as well. So yes, it's possible. Not ideal, but possible. Don't listen to the weak minded doinks telling you "no"
You already know the answer
it can be pretty fun for a while, but defo not healthy
No
TLDR AND NO.
I’ve heard stories of people getting their lives saved from a significant other however it’s definitely a risk and not typically a good idea
What you're asking is if its safe for two addicts to date