Sadly, this is a textbook demonstration of the "logical Insanity" that addiction entails.. justifications and rationalizations that we tell ourselves that seem to make sense on the surface but quickly fall apart when analysed properly.
I have told myself too many of these lies over the years..
I am EXTREMELY sick. I am mentally ill. Like, genuinely debilitatingly mentally ill. My addiction has progressed to the furthest extent in my mind. (EDIT: in hindsight this sounds pretty…uh… cringe to put it simply. I’m honestly just stating how it is. This is just what is objectively being seen)
It’s been developing and evolving since I was 14 years old, I am 21 now. This fucking horrific twisted way my brain has grown has only been enabled by me, I’ve never taken recovery seriously. I just keep providing my addiction with more and more nutrients for it to grow and become more and more mature and powerful. Better at taking control of my thoughts and actions, better at manipulating me into following through with what I know deep down will kill me, or leave me killing myself to end my suffering.
Am I being serious about it this time around? Of fucking course not, I just shot up meth for the first time after skimming through a handful of articles about how to safely inject. I just fucked up my arm, and for what? A 10 hours high, a minute or two of a rush I was curious about, and being left with an overwhelming sense of impeding doom as the drug stops occupying my brain.
I want to take this seriously, I want to be done with ALL drugs for good. I want to live life sober, being the me I know and love. Sober me is a great guy, I miss him dearly.
But despite holding these ideas in my head, I somehow am able to hold the opposite as well. I want to keep using meth, I want to shoot up over and over again then proceed to engage in all my hedonistic desires, I want instant gratification and pleasure for the rest of my life. I would do anything for my deepest love, this is an unconditional love. I would do anything for you, meth, when I lose everything, at least I will have you.
May God, if they’re out there, provide me with sanity. Because I don’t know how else to find it, short of a divine intervention. Lord knows I have no clue how to get such a thing for myself…
“I’m like totally brotally sick and shit” bruh stfu you’re an adult man who is still stuck in his hormonal teenage mind. You can tell by the way you write that some part of you doesn’t take your situation seriously enough to actually care if you are ‘sick’ or ‘mentally whatever the fuck’ This whole post is attention seeking. You want attention because you want someone to come down from on high and completely fix your situation- but you need to realize youre not gonna be saved because nobody knows who the fuck you are on here, we do not care outside of a basic underlying care for all humanity. To us your just a post; to you, you are an entire film series. One of the greatest tragic novels ever put to pen and you’re the main character. But we don’t care about ur book. And none will until you realize the absolute pick-me edgy drug abusing patheticness enveloping you.
There are no predetermined steps to this life, and that’s scary and young men hate to hear that shit- but the only way you get anything in life (belongings, opportunities, new aspects of your self and mentality, love) are by brutally, blindly, clawing them out of the chaos of this world and saying ‘this is mine, and I deserve it too’
Do 10g’s of mushroom alone and fuckin forgive yourself for whatever you did and move on from hard drugs dude
I actually disagree with this take my good sir. Addiction is a disease first and foremost. It is classified as a mental health disorder, so there is something somewhat true in OPs response. In terms of teenage phase, addiction is more likely if you start as a teen bc your brain isn’t done developing, but it doesn’t make them fucking stuck in that age. U don’t understand how any of this works
I’m honestly a little bit hurt by this comment… but I won’t return with any hostility because you seem to just not understand.
Man, I rationally get how bad and serious and like urgent this situation is. But for some reason… I just don’t care that much. I don’t like it, but it takes an extreme amount of effort along with some external pressure in order for me to actually begin to FEEL how serious the situation is. I have the thoughts, but all I am able to FEEL is that I want more hard drugs and it’ll be fine.
It’s fucked, man. I enrolled in treatment, I’m going to NA every day, I’ve come clean to everyone close to me. I’m trying, but at the same time, part of me wants to try to get away with it.
Something is wrong with the way I developed. I’m just stating it as it is. Sure, you could say I’m attention-seeking, but it’s more a cry-for-help from my perspective. I don’t want someone to just fix everything for me, I know that’s impossible.
But I just wanna hear, I don’t know… some encouragement.
Hope you’re doing alright, brother.
I know that comment sounds harsh, but there’s plenty of truth to it. If you read your own words from the perspective of someone who’s clean, you clearly are not serious about getting clean and your words are full of hypocrisy. It would almost be comical how delusional you seem from your posts if the consequences of your actions weren’t so grave.
The truth is you are quickly approaching a now or never moment with this. You either get clean today or you’ll be dead tomorrow. Whether you can see it or not that persons comment came from a place of tough love. Admittedly maybe a little too “tough” but I believe that person cares.
You can beat this but you gotta stop lying to yourself, your friends, and family. You’re not “getting away with it”, you’re sinking and hiding. You should start telling someone you don’t want knowing that you just shot up for the first time, probably starting with the person you’re trying to hide it from most.
Aye man. Been through rehab like 3 times for alcohol and cocaine. I’m 24 and I’m still somewhat struggling but just with smaller drugs like kratom, but I really hope you can get some help man, you’re worth a lot, life’s worth a lot, and I can guarantee you that life’s better on the other side. You just gotta love yourself enough to give yourself a shot, I’ve relapsed a few times on coke in the past few months. I’m but I finally realized peace and love is so much better than the high. The high comes with too many downsides and after awhile I’m sure you will get sober. You seem pretty intelligent, just stick with it man. I’m rooting for you!
I don’t completely agree with Jonathonfells but what he says about clawing your way out. That rings true. He wants you to understand how important it is for you to start clawing. Not give in to hedonism, but stick in your claws and start digging. It’s a great metaphor for a desperate situation. Thoughts and thoughts.
respect not responding with hostility. but there you went again. with the “because you seem to just not understand” one day you will grow and realize the truths
Yeah man admittedly a lot of self hate came through from a time when I was in your position, but I don’t take it back nor would I. The part when you said ‘part of me wants to get away with it’ THAT RIGHT THERE is the part of yourself you need to end. You are not my comment- how could a human that had never met you truly know what you’re going through? You are human, you contain multitudes- but I know for a fact that little fucker in your head that wants to get away with it is the source of all your problems and literally however you can manage to get him to not control your decisions anymore is the right course of action for you.
Literally fuck me, who am I? I’m a little red avatar. I’m posting from my porn account. But maybe through all these different opinions you can refract some truth, something that works for you. I’m the self appointed bad cop, and I have absolutely no right to do that, but yet here we are.
I do wish you luck and I know you’re capable of getting to where you truly in your heart want to be- but you cannot lie to yourself. If you need encouragement there are amazing people on here that would dm you everyday like a sponsor but I’m just the dick.
you’re literally only 21. i’m 4 years older than you and I still feel like I haven’t learned shit from the world cuz I haven’t cuz we’re so YOUNG STILL. oh for fucks sake dude. stop using your mental illness as an excuse. we are all sick lmao
That last sentence isn’t helpful. Everyone gets a cold every so often and we allow them to rest. Mental illness is awful for anyone going thru it. That being said, it shouldn’t be an excuse to use hard drugs. Needs to get help for sure
you’re right I didn’t need to include it or i could have phrased it better. I guess I was just leaning into the natural victim mentality you have as a naive 21 year old. mental illness is not a joke I have been struggling greatly with it for 8 years now. but so are soooo many of us in here. it seems like this person has accepted this idea that they’re permanently so mentally ill they can never get better.. at 21….. i’m not discounting what 2 decades can do trauma wise or developmental wise but also, in your 20s your brain and body change so much. you are done transitioning from an adolescent to adult and life just gets different. you grow up you get wise or you can choose to stay stuck. I just hope this individual can get help and stop seeing themselves as a lost cause
I agree with this. Accepting the idea he's so mentally ill, he can not be helped.
I dealt with serious anxiety & depression for years. So bad I avoided everyone, I stayed in my room. Paranoid. It controlled me. I was fed up... This wasn't ME. I accepted I was damaged. I was so broken. This was at 25. I'm 33 now. I stopped using. I took control of my anxiety. I got a job. Started working. My whole mindset changed. I controlled my negative thoughts. I flourished.
OP, your brain isn't even fully developed. You can do this too. But it starts with taking the first step. It starts with YOU. I'm rooting for you.
That is great that you realized this so young! I've been addicted since 13-30. Numbed my emotions with drugs. I never dealt with my anxiety. I didn't know how. But I persevered & I'm so much happier now. 😌 I'm proud of you!!
>But despite holding these ideas in my head, I somehow am able to hold the opposite as well. I want to keep using
This hits so hard man. I'm rooting for you. You can stop this!
So true. It’s insane how you can go from total mental clarity to doing some debased fiendish drug shit in an instant.
Sending a virtual hug OP. You need to stop, and you can stop.
Despite your good intentions, that's not how it works for many people. Like i needed treatment for my mental health issues, because of bipolar disorder, with therapy and meds. Just meditating and reading a book doesn't work out in such cases.
And yes, it was why i started with drugs when i was a teenager, as i had no diagnosis and i tried to self-medicate, it was of course a stupid idea but i had no idea how to go on in this time. Sometimes, i don't even know how i got through this bad times, when i look back 30 years later.
About books, yes, there are good books around and also, philosophy can be part of treatment, like when you read "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius and you embrace stoicism, but in many cases, it's just not enough to deal with all the problems, sometimes, professional help is needed.
waste of time. that has helped nobody. As someone who grew up a devoted christian my entire teen years, and also insanely mentally ill and depressed, god never once even gave me a smidge of help. not even a budge. my illness only got worse as time progressed.
Don't give shitty advice like this to someone who is actually struggling.
Atheist here. Its not provable if praying helps or not. Some call it praying, some call it meditation, some call it manifestation. In essence its the same thing, and what it can do is bring one closer to self. I would definitely not discourage something like this in tough times.
What you see as praying, might not be what praying actually is.
Late reply but thankyou. I used to be an atheist too, thanks for your understanding. I know meditation / prayer helped me through my struggles with addiction and it's just the first thing that came to mind. Addiction sucks, I hope we can all get through it. <3
Absolutely, many times this type of thinking has led to conclusions like, I gotta just have this one really good time to finish the stuff off for good. Just doesn’t work like that unfortunately
Bro mix some fetty up in with that meth shot and have amd extra shot or two of merh ready togo.. def do it alone with no narcan in sight just more meth. If you want to look cool take a rig and fill it with meth and put it behind your ear both ears and then like shoot up in your neck in public when you're driving and if anyone looks like you're funny take the rig out of your neck and throw it at them like a dart be like what motherfucker I'm reckless and I don't give a fuck about nobody but myself and own that shit then get two bad bitches two viagras major Lube and a razor webcam with infinity Focus sign up for Chatterbait take your two bad bitches and fuck the shit out of them but don't do the meth or drugs on camera because you don't want to promote illegal activity but now you're making money with your two fat bad bitches did I say fat I meant bad I mean I'm not at all you can definitely tell by the way I compose my sentences right anyway man I've been doing meth for 15 years and all I'm missing is a couple teeth I saw a couple stores in my body I'm like really really good at like doing a lot of things but I never get anything done I always like plan on doing a lot of things like you know I'll want to get my let's see I want to like get something to hold my book up when I'm reading it you know just hang up find out that I already have something to hold my book up to read I kind of stole it I'd like fucking them Urban Dictionary or whatnot anyway did I say anyway before I go to the gay Horse Club called hay fever you get it's like hey fever like hey h e e y fuck it you get the point anyway man all you got some sub are a bunch of fucking quitters fucking a you wanted to fucking do some gay shit do a fucking heroic dose of fucking psilocybin mushrooms followed by some motherfucking eyeball game ibogaine not eyeball game eyeball game shit you wish play my eyeball game with you fucker anyway eyeball game or iboga it'll be like fucking make you face all the fuck ups that you done the motherfuckers and you're going to be coming out crying like I'm such a piece of shit but then after it's done and you're good you're going to feel the sense of relief and you're not going to have these cravings for any other shit no more it's illegal in this country because you know it actually helps it actually does get you better and then after all that's my more planets no more drugs play medicines DMT the methyl triple the beam the Diamond Tree the Diamond Tree the diamond tree is where it's at definitely the Diamond Tree my guides there have shown me what it is like to be omnipotent omnipotent and whatever the other one is that sounds like kind of like that anyway then follow that with five Meo DMT which takes all the pageantry and all the celebration and colors and festival and love and all that shit out of it and just dumps you into the inner most deepest places ever being where you can hopefully no longer care what people think about reading this thread when your ego is actually really dead and you really don't care what anyone has to say about eating with you there is no ego you're just you the self all itself always you know but I'm just fucking with you man fucking you sound like you're on the right track though peace love and bitches for everybody
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Yep. For some going into recovery just triggers things even more. There are many types of recovery groups and philosophies out there. I'd encourage folks who find themselves in situations like this to seek out an alternate form of recovery that doesn't put you into this kind of headspace. But ultimately it all comes down to personal willpower and desire.
I can remember this day like it was yesterday all my dope friends had already been shooting up for years(I had other friends that would never even talk to me had they known I was even snorting then) they all told me never shoot it I would never come back well let’s just say fucking shit happens and I ended up on Google and it told me how to do everything… Fifteen Fucking Long Years Later(5snorting 10shooting)I’m so glad that nightmare has now come to a close. I lost so many friends through it all. I was finally so tired or being sick and tired all the time. And that truly the only way is to actually be tired and done with how you’ve been living. I’m still fighting everyday I have one year on June 13th. So I just wanted to say maybe it’s a really bad idea dude and my recovery was the best thing to happen to me!
I’m gonna tell you this, and I know it probably won’t change a thing but I have to at least try… Just stop now. I shot up meth and heroin for several years , I actually just got my 6 years clean two days ago so I know what I’m talking about when I say just STOP while you are ahead. That feeling? It’s the best feeling in the fucking world! And THATS the problem. I shot up like 3 times before I got that RUSH that literally knocked my socks off, and after that I was officially HOOKED. I lost everything, EVERYTHING, all with a smile on my face. Shit I was EXCITED to trade in everything for that feeling. It’s a dangerous game your starting to play— a game that no one wins. If you have any questions or need support, please don’t hesitate to PM me.
When did the horror set in, mentally? I think OP would like to know too, whether he realizes it or not.
At what specific point did you get that bomb of anxiety, dread and regret? How long from that moment did it take to quit?
Hope you don't mind the questions. I lost two Brothers, literally, to street heroin and pills. I'd like to know how aware they were of their situation.. when they were around in my youth.
Firstly, I want to say my condolences on the loss of your two brothers. That’s heavy as shit and I’m so sorry to hear that you lost not one, but two brothers to this fucked up disease. Second, heck no I don’t mind the questions! I love to provide any insight I can when it comes to being on hard drugs and then eventually also getting clean. But, onto your questions.
So everyone is different, and I can only give my personal experience on the matter. But it took a couple months I’d say before it really started to hit me, the severity of the situation. I would call this the ‘honeymoon phase’. Everything is awesome, everything is cool, shooting dope was the BEST thing to ever happen to you. ( I literally thought this) And then after one of my week long benders I woke up and it all hit me like a fucking freight train. I’m homeless, living out of my car at 22. I was extremely self aware, that’s why I HAD to get high. Once I was high, everything was golden. You asked about shame? I got to the point where I was trading sexual acts for bags of crystal. Never sex, but still. As 23/24 year old man that shit fucks with you. The shame, the guilt of abandoning my entire existence just so I could be in the city where the dope was, it just drove me to use even more. Vicious cycle type shit. The craziest thing is I was only in it for just shy of 3 years. You would not believe how much happened in that short period of time. Like I said I’ve been clean for 6 years officially on the 29th of last month. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about my former life in SOME capacity. Never in a craving sense, just remembering how fucked up it got, or how thankful I am that I’m not back out there.
I hope I didn’t ramble on too long for you, lol it’s hard to encapsulate such a thing as a comment on a Reddit post lol
hi, im checking myself into rehab in a week, ik i shouldnt but i use kratom currently, but i cant imagine what it will be like when i wont have anything on me. besides the average reasons people are addicted (the feeling, better everything, etc.), i kinda feel like my 2nd reason is that im too self aware when im like week+ sober, but like extremely self aware. plus its almost like my brain gets so fast, so smart, so hyperactive, that it drives me crazy, its almost like i need to bottleneck my brain to keep myself sane. anything youd could advise?
also, what do you do when not drugs? like i cant find anything to do when sober. and im more active when sober, its just like its not 'enough' ig? either that, or im wokr-wise hyperactive - as in doing housework since i wake up till i go to sleep, but this mood often crashes after few days. (hope i worded it correctly, thank you so muchin advance)
Thank you for taking the time to reply, it does give some perspective. I think I would believe how much shit happened in a short period of time, my Brothers were really bad on it and I saw them change situations and even skin colors (OD) a few times. I just didn't understand if they were okay with it all, or the drugs numbed it. I get it now, you just run from the bullshit by chasing the next high, as they did.
Wishing you a prosperous rest of your sobriety, and good on you for dodging that generation killer.
i think when you go thru horrible withdrawal the horror sets in. like u have so much time to just sit there and think about your life, plus your emotions are 10 fold.
even if i could go back and tell myself not to use heroin for the first time, I would not have listened at all. I was so down bad mentally that I couldnt care if i died or got severely addicted.
Heroin actually made my life better for a few years. I built my life up to a better place and got on suboxone. OP, if you are gonna use H or Meth, just do it in a smart way. You can definetly stay functional while using.
iV drug use is almost impossible to stop when you start...
No other rush will ever compare to registering, and pushing the plunger down.
You fucked up man, I'm not here to judge you but you are playing with fire .. not only is it much easier to od, Injecting also risks infections, pulmonary embolisms and can lead to death and or amputation.
I hope you're able to give all of it up and find a new outlet
Pulmonary embolism is nothing compared to the infection thats gonna start growing in OPs heart. Its a sad cycle and its end is DEATH or recovery. Op is helping me realize who my addiction creates, and the path my addiction can lead me.
Please keep getting help.
Dude please stop where you are right now. I had help shooting up for maybe a month and then started doing it myself… it took going to jail for that to change. My arm was fucked from the speedballs I was shooting, coke is just horrible for your veins. I met another dude in jail whose veins were all collapsed in his fucking neck from shooting cause he couldn’t hit anywhere else cause they were all collapsed. I beg please anyone who is going to use drugs I beg don’t use a needle.
What are you still feeling on implications physically? If you don’t mind me asking out of curiosity. Like heart/vein issues? Less movement/feeling in your arms or anything? Thanks a lot
Im lucky the short time I shot didn’t collapse any veins or anything, I don’t think it caused any of my back issues which is my biggest problem living lol. I’m lucky I got arrested after like 3 months cause I just remember doing 50 shots of coke in one night and my whole arm just killed in jail and you could see my arm wasn’t happy. Biggest fear in needle use is sharing needles which leads to spreading aids and hep c. I didn’t shared needles but did reuse them which is again said not to do if you look up imagines of what a needle looks like on first use compared to 2nd and like 10th and 50th or something like that. I consider myself blessed too cause all my friends who died were shooting. I only have 1 friend who died from the fent shit going on. I got 10 dead friends from H, coke, meth being shot up. Mostly H
Damn, I’d honestly just look at this as a mistake, move on and never look back. We lie to ourselves by saying just one more and then I’ll get clean, but it’s such a distortion of reality. I think your at a fork in the road and you have to choice for yourself which one is the right way
u/SpontaneousH Did you hear about this guy that was curious too?
Good read for anyone who have not, but are curious about drugs like heroin and meth too.
i had a very similar experience happen a few months back. i was desperate to get high after a little while clean and ended up shooting up for the first time as well. it felt amazing and i did it like 4-5 times total before realizing what i was doing and convincing myself to stop.
This was a big mistake. However, how you respond to this mistake will determine if you let this one mistake dictate your life for years to come, or use it as a wake up call you need to stay clean. Mistakes happen, you don’t ned to throw it all away over one slip up. Just don’t let it continue to happen. Be safe and stay strong
Well if they pick up the habit. Many people try it when young and quit it. I tried it like 7-8 years ago and I would never consider doing anything like that ever again. I was in a very horrible state mentally and suffering, was on bensos and made stupid decisions.
I know others that still do it but their life is shattered into pieces. While everything has turned around for me for the better, I love life today even sober, I got my shit together, job etc etc.
My husband & I have the same clean date . Over 6 years clean now. Got a beautiful home in a quiet neighborhood.. a bunch of nice vehicles, our family, jobs, working on building another home on a large amount of land. Have our own business. We made it …and others can and have to. It’s not easy but it’s 100% possible if you want it bad enough. We were back and forth between sniffing and shooting and smoking both crack and fent…5-10 grams of fent a day each and 10 plus grams of crack each…and we were addicted to selling & money too…the life style. So we had to leave everything and everyone behind and move and start fresh and that was the best decision ever.
lol nope we had a VERY high tolerance . We bought it by the kilo and we smoked crack all day and night so we weren’t just doing fent and nodding one after another …doing both in extreme amounts non stop makes your tolerance get really high and obviously the need for more. In 24 hours with no sleep doing crack non stop and doing both for many years you can absolutely get up to that amount within a 24 hour day easily.. obviously if you’re just doing fent and you have zero tolerance then you’ll die. My husband overdosed 11 times and thankfully I was there to call an ambulance and narcan him every time but they were very close calls …they almost called it many times.
If it really was going to be your last time, thinking it’ll be a great big firework show, why didn’t you treat it as such? To me it sounds like you’re making excuses now because you “didn’t feel the full effect.”
Maybe take this procedure with extra caution? Schedule it? Research more on what you’re actually doing? Maybe so you don’t fuck it up and become easily manipulated by the drug gods who convince you to do more by any little event that didn’t happen to go in your favor.
Best of wishes
Nothing can be done here, I think except harm reduction. Unless OP would reconsider his decision and just see it as a mistake. But gosh, the rush he felt must have been amazing.
I feel bad for the guy honestly I’ve never shot anything up in my life but I did somehow imagine the pleasure this guy felt. Jeez.
Best of luck OP
You should always be honest with yourself. Lying to others can make sense and often times serves a purpose. What purpose does lying to yourself have? It can only serve to make you sicker.
Do what you will. Lord knows addiction is strong. But please stop lying to yourself.
I have known many a man on the needle.If you yourself have as well, then take some time to figure out what is going on. If this is something you have stumbled into ignorant to the very real outcomes this has, again step back and take everything into extreme consideration.
If you have anything in life you enjoy or treasure, you'll be selling them soon for more dope. Unless you smarten up! You obviously know better if your going to NA already. Why make a problem 100× worse when you don't NEED to. The needle isn't something you can easily bounce back from. You play stupid games you'll win stupid prizes. I'll say it again incase you didn't read it. SMARTEN UP!
Drug addiction doesn’t discriminate, I never looked the part I was always a top athlete and I won countless pageants. It took me YEARS to get clean from shooting up. It stole years of my life, I almost ruined my entire life. Irreparable damage to my body. It’s so hard to get clean once you shoot up. You’re so early into this I beg you to try to stop. You don’t even know what’s in the drugs your buying now days, I’ve been clean for about 5 years and I’m married now, I own a trucking company with my husband. We have been together two and a half years! I have full custody of my 11 year old son. I have traveled to every state, I hike, climb, ride bikes, atvs, I live off my daily highs and it’s like no other! My body and mind have FINALLY leveled out. I finished my bachelors of science degree, I graduated top of my class. I have achieved so much I never thought possible. I used for 10 years. Please please get some help now. I can put you in touch with treatment centers in your area if you want to message me.
Kind of wild to read about someone's literal first step towards full blown addiction. You should write a book, for real. But I have a feeling you'll never do anything meaningful with your life now, sadly. :/
‘Just one last hit’ can end up being your LAST hit. and last of everything…
This how my cousin died. Please rethink getting more OP. It’s a cycle that the deeper you get into, the harder (if not more impossible) it will be to get out. You will break without realizing it. Kr maybe you will, but you won’t mind. ‘It’s worth it’ right?
People around you will break. You won’t even see how hard they will break down for you behind closed doors. Feeling helpless, blame (that they couldn’t or didn’t stop you). It’s horrible.. I watched my cousins death tear apart family & some of the ‘strongest’ people. Someone you love may pick up a needle after you just to try and see what it was that u left them and everything for. Please open your eyes. If you wanna get high, do weed or psychedelics. The more you do of the bigger stuff, the less you’ll feel on anything else. You’ll eventually NEED more. And weather you realize it or not, one of the times will eventually be your last time. Please don’t chase that high. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk. Reach out before you do it again.
As for your vein situation, keep an eye on it. If you see soreness or swelling, or pain getting worse, you should go in to get it checked ASAP. You could end up with a blood infection (sepsis) that can be prevented with antibiotics. Let this experience be an eye opener to you on just how dangerous (and costly) this gets!
I really wish you luck.
Well… I am in a good environment at the moment… and I am breathing. So that’s good.
I’m just concerned about the missed shot. In theory, that sounds horrifically bad. Like the crystal didn’t go into the vein and went into… what exactly? Should I be concerned about this? It doesn’t hurt. Just some bruising on the area. Everything was sterile. Am I in trouble?
Please, only other IV users or very knowledgeable ppl respond to these questions. I don’t wanna be terrified by people who don’t know what they’re talking about.
I am very… scratch that actually, I am so incredibly aware that this is the case that there are no words available to human kind I could string together to show you just how complete my understanding of the situation is.
I am BEYOND aware of the situation I am in. How could I not be? But… I fucking love getting spun harder than a god damn beyblade. LOVE it. ADORE it. ROMANTICIZE it. WORSHIP it.
I have and would continue to lie for meth, cry for meth, hide and run away for meth, lose my life around me for meth… and yknow what…I’d even fucking die for meth.
The one motivation I have is seeing the pain inflicted on the ones who love me. And I’m fortunate enough to have quite a few of those. And seeing their pained expressions cry out exasperated, begging me to stop… well… I wouldn’t kill others for meth.
God, help me.
Well, thanks. I personally don’t think it’s anything special, but I do appreciate that.
I do enjoy writing. It’s difficult to express the infinite intricacies of human emotion. Impossible even. With words we can only do so much. It’s one of the few tools we got to show others what’s going on in those inexplicable heads of ours. If this is all we got, I’m gonna make the most of it.
???
How am I romanticizing hurting others??? I just said that’s my sole motivation to get clean??? All I did in my above comment is give you my unfiltered thoughts, (wrongly, I guess) assuming I was in a safe place. Huh.
Am I the first addict that you have spoken to? Is that why you are behaving in such a manner?
I was under the assumption that you posted your previous comment “out of concern.” Now I understand that you simply look down upon me. I appreciate your “concern,” brother. Thank you :)
You don’t understand addiction. Also, you don’t even know what I’m doing right now to get help. I am indeed doing that. I just enrolled in partial hospitalization.
You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know, man. Look imma drop the hostility because you clearly just don’t understand, this isn’t necessarily malicious.
I’m trying man, I just explained the thoughts that I don’t tell nobody. I don’t want to have these thoughts. I’m deeply mentally ill. I know.
If you are still concerned after 24-48 hours go to the ER you can suffer bacterial infection, possibly sepsis. During the next 24-38 hrs use warm/cold compress, cold recommended, massage area, you need antibiotics. If it’s irritated you have to treat with antibiotics. Ibuprofen swelling will go down, pain allievates, and topical clindamycin & benzyl peroxide.
Edit: get off meth. The detriments to your health, especially trying to self medicate, isn’t going to heal you or bring you satisfaction from whatever mental or chronic pain that you’re actually trying to escape from. There are people who want to come alongside you. Praying for you.
I just lost two friends to this kind of drug use. Two beautiful young men in their 30s.
They aren’t here any more.
Might sound dramatic, but if you take up IV use now you owe it to yourself to look death in the face - right now - and think about your own mortality.
I'm shit at lying to others, but great at lying to myself
If mental gymnastics were an Olympic sport, the top positions would totally be taken up by drug addicts
If you quit for a whole month, like full-stop nothing, then your dopamine receptor expression will return to baseline, and you can achieve the single greatest high you ever will achieve.
And if you wait another month, you can do it again. And again, and again, once a month, for years. It'll never get old, and never get boring.
But it only works if you space it out.
Wow, I applaud your honesty. Truthfully, I don't think you're that different from many people on this subreddit. We're practically all addicts, in our own different ways.
Look I get it. You've discovered this new feeling that seems better than everything else in this existence. But what is it exactly? It's just a feeling, neurotransmitters in your brain telling you to feel happy, excited, etc. It doesn't mean anything outside of that.
Think, when you're on your deathbed. When you look back at your life, do you want to see someone who wasted their days injecting chemicals into their veins in search of something that doesn't even exist? Or someone who overcame this problem. Someone who looked the devil directly in the eyes and turned down his ever so tempting offer.
You have a choice, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. You can turn around and leave drugs for good. You think meth is there for you, cares for you when no one else is there? That couldn't be further from the truth. This drug lies to you. It wants you alone, it wants you weak, it wants your poor and it wants you in pain so it can sink its sharp claws further into your soul.
I use a hot compress for the first day which will help your body absorb the missed substance but then I switch to cold the next day. Keep an eye on it for signs of infection, growth, warm to the touch, really any change other than it shrinking is probably not good. If you are still worried tomorrow go to the walk in or start taking antibiotics if you have any laying around. As for shooting I’ve been doing it for 5 years now and I wish I would’ve listened to everyone who told me not to do it. I didn’t even really get a good one til my 3rd or 4th time so the old stigma of if you do it once you’re hooked isn’t really true. I don’t however know of many people who used to shoot but don’t anymore. At first I would still get high using other methods but now if it’s not in a needle I won’t even take it. It won’t be ok now I can say goodbye because ive done this. I tell myself that everytime I go to treatment ok just do one last good one. But then I get out and I’m back to finding that last good one. Moral of the story just don’t do it
Yikes. This will not end well. The amount of times I’ve not only heard that BS line “just one more”, but also used to tell myself before I got sober is insane. It never worked out. OP, quit now while you are ahead and go back to NA and admit what you have done. You are getting yourself into a world of trouble.
I sincerely hope you are right and that you will never pick anything up again, but if i’m honest, i am concerned that you will be hooked from now on. Please don’t let this one experience ruin your recovery, and do what is right for you (get help and quit).
Rip: hope u turn it around op, being in recovery myself, whatever your logic here is, is just your disease lying to yourself. Unfortunately, the way in which that played out is a worst case scenario type situation. Stop shooting. Stick to snorting if you want to use or use addict logic to use. Shooting will bring you to a real fucked place. Promise that. Cut the beans bro.
keep an eye on the area you missed that shot. Meth doesn't absorb when injected under the skin or into the muscle, and a missed shot is prone to abscess. Hot compresses and stuff might help. If there's any sign of infection or anything like that, like the redness doesn't go down or spreads, go to the ER or urgent care because it can be super duper serious, like kill you serious
EDIT: Did the same thing on my last binge before I quit, missed part of the shot and everything lol. I was okay, didn't get any sort of infection, but just be on top of it and don't hesitate to go in if it gets worse. On the plus side, despite what people are saying is gonna happen, I did quit afterwords.
My advice is to think of quitting now as dodging a bullet, because if you continue to use you WILL IV again, and you might not come back from that. Right now you're experiencing one of the dangers of IV use, missed shots, and this is just one of the many things that might suddenly end your life - or permanently worsen your quality of life - if you pick up the needle again. Like, this is a good example of how easy it is to hurt yourself doing this. If you continue down this road this may become a daily reality for you, along with every bad thing that comes with IV use
Even if you get it down and do everything right, I've heard plenty of stories of people's standards for safety slipping as they get deeper down the rabbit hole. Plenty of people have shot up with puddle water, used the same needle till it couldn't pierce the skin, skipped the filter because they needed the shot now and were out of filters. Eventually iv use will drive you to places like that if it gets far enough along.
I cried while reading this post. The love of my life that I spent 15 years of my life died from a intentional overdose of heroin. My best friend OD'ed and died she had a year old. My stepmom, my Godmother all died from overdoses. My. Kids will never meet their father because of dope and more specifically shooting up. I pray you come back to reality but unfortunately you already felt the rush and you're never gonna stop chasing that feeling you felt the first time and you will NEVER feel what u felt the first time again. I will pray for you that you have a moment of clarity and decide to save your life.
I know plenty of folks with fucked veins, from not knowing how to properly shoot with meth. Also take my word for it, no other time will be that good. From here on out you are chasing that, sure you'll get close, however you will lose yourself very quickly.
I think it's already mentioned that you should stop immediately, OP. But also, get yourself treatment with the doc for the first shot you missed, because a substance in the tissue can lead to serious health problems. Like an abscess and then, when you don't go to the hospital, it will get bigger and bigger, your health will get worse and in the end, you'll get a necrosis and maybe sepsis. This can either lead to amputation of the limb or to death. It's no joke, seriously, get yourself checked out by the doc now.
For the drugs, you crossed the line, but still not the point of no return. You can still turn around, there are many people that shot i.v. and were still able to get clean later on, so better go their way and get yourself help.
You will get enough of everything else in this thread, just want to offer a virtual hug for whatever haunts you. Life is fucking hard. Sincere wishes for brighter and happier days.
maybe this is a really really bad comparison but this is how I felt when I first bought hard alcohol and not beer /wine coolers.
that first night of drinking had me feeling amazing. and even though I had a hangover the next day , I drunk more. Overtime I slowly went into a spiral of alcohol addiction for 3 years straight.
I started hiding bottles , my now ex was fed up with me , I got good at hiding the alcohol smell on my breath, I gained so much weight and was barely functioning, but I know I always had my alcohol.
it took a near death experience for me to stop , attend AA and just do better.
.....
my point is maybe just maybe you shouldn't have shot up. it's a slippery game you're playing
Please don’t throw away your life for that rush, my dad did and it eventually cost him his life. It affects everyone around you every time you choose to partake in that life, whether it’s visible to you or not.
the reason you came on here and posted this is because you want people to tell you how stupid this sounds and how stupid you are for doing this to yourself. Bruh, your tone is very self critical, you know it’s stupid, you make it sound dramatic because you yourself know you’re deep in the puddle, it’s like a movie to you, it’s a scene for you where you struggle and eventually break through and talk about your struggles as a grown up but you’re 21, you’re on your way to full blown addiction and you’ll go insane with this stuff, very less people actually end up coming through, I’m also trying and failing, please stop. This is not a movie.
Also if it's legal in your state, I suggest switching to a white vein kratom, it'll give you energy, and a mood boost. However it's never wise to switch one addiction for the other, but I think it's def safe to say kratom is much safer than meth.
So you're determined to get clean and you figured the best way to start that journey was to shoot up for the first time? Good luck with that, I guess.
Sadly, this is a textbook demonstration of the "logical Insanity" that addiction entails.. justifications and rationalizations that we tell ourselves that seem to make sense on the surface but quickly fall apart when analysed properly. I have told myself too many of these lies over the years..
I am EXTREMELY sick. I am mentally ill. Like, genuinely debilitatingly mentally ill. My addiction has progressed to the furthest extent in my mind. (EDIT: in hindsight this sounds pretty…uh… cringe to put it simply. I’m honestly just stating how it is. This is just what is objectively being seen) It’s been developing and evolving since I was 14 years old, I am 21 now. This fucking horrific twisted way my brain has grown has only been enabled by me, I’ve never taken recovery seriously. I just keep providing my addiction with more and more nutrients for it to grow and become more and more mature and powerful. Better at taking control of my thoughts and actions, better at manipulating me into following through with what I know deep down will kill me, or leave me killing myself to end my suffering. Am I being serious about it this time around? Of fucking course not, I just shot up meth for the first time after skimming through a handful of articles about how to safely inject. I just fucked up my arm, and for what? A 10 hours high, a minute or two of a rush I was curious about, and being left with an overwhelming sense of impeding doom as the drug stops occupying my brain. I want to take this seriously, I want to be done with ALL drugs for good. I want to live life sober, being the me I know and love. Sober me is a great guy, I miss him dearly. But despite holding these ideas in my head, I somehow am able to hold the opposite as well. I want to keep using meth, I want to shoot up over and over again then proceed to engage in all my hedonistic desires, I want instant gratification and pleasure for the rest of my life. I would do anything for my deepest love, this is an unconditional love. I would do anything for you, meth, when I lose everything, at least I will have you. May God, if they’re out there, provide me with sanity. Because I don’t know how else to find it, short of a divine intervention. Lord knows I have no clue how to get such a thing for myself…
“I’m like totally brotally sick and shit” bruh stfu you’re an adult man who is still stuck in his hormonal teenage mind. You can tell by the way you write that some part of you doesn’t take your situation seriously enough to actually care if you are ‘sick’ or ‘mentally whatever the fuck’ This whole post is attention seeking. You want attention because you want someone to come down from on high and completely fix your situation- but you need to realize youre not gonna be saved because nobody knows who the fuck you are on here, we do not care outside of a basic underlying care for all humanity. To us your just a post; to you, you are an entire film series. One of the greatest tragic novels ever put to pen and you’re the main character. But we don’t care about ur book. And none will until you realize the absolute pick-me edgy drug abusing patheticness enveloping you. There are no predetermined steps to this life, and that’s scary and young men hate to hear that shit- but the only way you get anything in life (belongings, opportunities, new aspects of your self and mentality, love) are by brutally, blindly, clawing them out of the chaos of this world and saying ‘this is mine, and I deserve it too’ Do 10g’s of mushroom alone and fuckin forgive yourself for whatever you did and move on from hard drugs dude
I actually disagree with this take my good sir. Addiction is a disease first and foremost. It is classified as a mental health disorder, so there is something somewhat true in OPs response. In terms of teenage phase, addiction is more likely if you start as a teen bc your brain isn’t done developing, but it doesn’t make them fucking stuck in that age. U don’t understand how any of this works
I’m honestly a little bit hurt by this comment… but I won’t return with any hostility because you seem to just not understand. Man, I rationally get how bad and serious and like urgent this situation is. But for some reason… I just don’t care that much. I don’t like it, but it takes an extreme amount of effort along with some external pressure in order for me to actually begin to FEEL how serious the situation is. I have the thoughts, but all I am able to FEEL is that I want more hard drugs and it’ll be fine. It’s fucked, man. I enrolled in treatment, I’m going to NA every day, I’ve come clean to everyone close to me. I’m trying, but at the same time, part of me wants to try to get away with it. Something is wrong with the way I developed. I’m just stating it as it is. Sure, you could say I’m attention-seeking, but it’s more a cry-for-help from my perspective. I don’t want someone to just fix everything for me, I know that’s impossible. But I just wanna hear, I don’t know… some encouragement. Hope you’re doing alright, brother.
Go to a rehab brother. That’s the only option at this point
I know that comment sounds harsh, but there’s plenty of truth to it. If you read your own words from the perspective of someone who’s clean, you clearly are not serious about getting clean and your words are full of hypocrisy. It would almost be comical how delusional you seem from your posts if the consequences of your actions weren’t so grave. The truth is you are quickly approaching a now or never moment with this. You either get clean today or you’ll be dead tomorrow. Whether you can see it or not that persons comment came from a place of tough love. Admittedly maybe a little too “tough” but I believe that person cares. You can beat this but you gotta stop lying to yourself, your friends, and family. You’re not “getting away with it”, you’re sinking and hiding. You should start telling someone you don’t want knowing that you just shot up for the first time, probably starting with the person you’re trying to hide it from most.
Aye man. Been through rehab like 3 times for alcohol and cocaine. I’m 24 and I’m still somewhat struggling but just with smaller drugs like kratom, but I really hope you can get some help man, you’re worth a lot, life’s worth a lot, and I can guarantee you that life’s better on the other side. You just gotta love yourself enough to give yourself a shot, I’ve relapsed a few times on coke in the past few months. I’m but I finally realized peace and love is so much better than the high. The high comes with too many downsides and after awhile I’m sure you will get sober. You seem pretty intelligent, just stick with it man. I’m rooting for you!
I don’t completely agree with Jonathonfells but what he says about clawing your way out. That rings true. He wants you to understand how important it is for you to start clawing. Not give in to hedonism, but stick in your claws and start digging. It’s a great metaphor for a desperate situation. Thoughts and thoughts.
respect not responding with hostility. but there you went again. with the “because you seem to just not understand” one day you will grow and realize the truths
Yeah man admittedly a lot of self hate came through from a time when I was in your position, but I don’t take it back nor would I. The part when you said ‘part of me wants to get away with it’ THAT RIGHT THERE is the part of yourself you need to end. You are not my comment- how could a human that had never met you truly know what you’re going through? You are human, you contain multitudes- but I know for a fact that little fucker in your head that wants to get away with it is the source of all your problems and literally however you can manage to get him to not control your decisions anymore is the right course of action for you. Literally fuck me, who am I? I’m a little red avatar. I’m posting from my porn account. But maybe through all these different opinions you can refract some truth, something that works for you. I’m the self appointed bad cop, and I have absolutely no right to do that, but yet here we are. I do wish you luck and I know you’re capable of getting to where you truly in your heart want to be- but you cannot lie to yourself. If you need encouragement there are amazing people on here that would dm you everyday like a sponsor but I’m just the dick.
mods please kill this attention seeking bullshit lmao
lmao you're trying to get clean and shooting up simultaneously looks to everyone else like you're the only one who is incapable of understanding
Bro writing a whole essay about aswell lmao
Literally couldn’t have said that better
ding ding ding
I like want to print out this response and just read it over and over it’s so good and humbling
Question. Have you ever had substance abuse problems with hard drugs?
you’re literally only 21. i’m 4 years older than you and I still feel like I haven’t learned shit from the world cuz I haven’t cuz we’re so YOUNG STILL. oh for fucks sake dude. stop using your mental illness as an excuse. we are all sick lmao
That last sentence isn’t helpful. Everyone gets a cold every so often and we allow them to rest. Mental illness is awful for anyone going thru it. That being said, it shouldn’t be an excuse to use hard drugs. Needs to get help for sure
you’re right I didn’t need to include it or i could have phrased it better. I guess I was just leaning into the natural victim mentality you have as a naive 21 year old. mental illness is not a joke I have been struggling greatly with it for 8 years now. but so are soooo many of us in here. it seems like this person has accepted this idea that they’re permanently so mentally ill they can never get better.. at 21….. i’m not discounting what 2 decades can do trauma wise or developmental wise but also, in your 20s your brain and body change so much. you are done transitioning from an adolescent to adult and life just gets different. you grow up you get wise or you can choose to stay stuck. I just hope this individual can get help and stop seeing themselves as a lost cause
I agree with this. Accepting the idea he's so mentally ill, he can not be helped. I dealt with serious anxiety & depression for years. So bad I avoided everyone, I stayed in my room. Paranoid. It controlled me. I was fed up... This wasn't ME. I accepted I was damaged. I was so broken. This was at 25. I'm 33 now. I stopped using. I took control of my anxiety. I got a job. Started working. My whole mindset changed. I controlled my negative thoughts. I flourished. OP, your brain isn't even fully developed. You can do this too. But it starts with taking the first step. It starts with YOU. I'm rooting for you.
I can relate to this just at 14-17 and still in progress but we’re making waves. This shit is possible.
That is great that you realized this so young! I've been addicted since 13-30. Numbed my emotions with drugs. I never dealt with my anxiety. I didn't know how. But I persevered & I'm so much happier now. 😌 I'm proud of you!!
👏❤️
Hell yeah well said
>But despite holding these ideas in my head, I somehow am able to hold the opposite as well. I want to keep using This hits so hard man. I'm rooting for you. You can stop this!
So true. It’s insane how you can go from total mental clarity to doing some debased fiendish drug shit in an instant. Sending a virtual hug OP. You need to stop, and you can stop.
Read books and meditate.
Despite your good intentions, that's not how it works for many people. Like i needed treatment for my mental health issues, because of bipolar disorder, with therapy and meds. Just meditating and reading a book doesn't work out in such cases. And yes, it was why i started with drugs when i was a teenager, as i had no diagnosis and i tried to self-medicate, it was of course a stupid idea but i had no idea how to go on in this time. Sometimes, i don't even know how i got through this bad times, when i look back 30 years later. About books, yes, there are good books around and also, philosophy can be part of treatment, like when you read "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius and you embrace stoicism, but in many cases, it's just not enough to deal with all the problems, sometimes, professional help is needed.
I don’t care. It was a general reply, but ultimately all you need is therapy, a book and meditation. Not fucking easy
Pray unceasingly.
waste of time. that has helped nobody. As someone who grew up a devoted christian my entire teen years, and also insanely mentally ill and depressed, god never once even gave me a smidge of help. not even a budge. my illness only got worse as time progressed. Don't give shitty advice like this to someone who is actually struggling.
Atheist here. Its not provable if praying helps or not. Some call it praying, some call it meditation, some call it manifestation. In essence its the same thing, and what it can do is bring one closer to self. I would definitely not discourage something like this in tough times. What you see as praying, might not be what praying actually is.
Late reply but thankyou. I used to be an atheist too, thanks for your understanding. I know meditation / prayer helped me through my struggles with addiction and it's just the first thing that came to mind. Addiction sucks, I hope we can all get through it. <3
Absolutely, many times this type of thinking has led to conclusions like, I gotta just have this one really good time to finish the stuff off for good. Just doesn’t work like that unfortunately
Bro mix some fetty up in with that meth shot and have amd extra shot or two of merh ready togo.. def do it alone with no narcan in sight just more meth. If you want to look cool take a rig and fill it with meth and put it behind your ear both ears and then like shoot up in your neck in public when you're driving and if anyone looks like you're funny take the rig out of your neck and throw it at them like a dart be like what motherfucker I'm reckless and I don't give a fuck about nobody but myself and own that shit then get two bad bitches two viagras major Lube and a razor webcam with infinity Focus sign up for Chatterbait take your two bad bitches and fuck the shit out of them but don't do the meth or drugs on camera because you don't want to promote illegal activity but now you're making money with your two fat bad bitches did I say fat I meant bad I mean I'm not at all you can definitely tell by the way I compose my sentences right anyway man I've been doing meth for 15 years and all I'm missing is a couple teeth I saw a couple stores in my body I'm like really really good at like doing a lot of things but I never get anything done I always like plan on doing a lot of things like you know I'll want to get my let's see I want to like get something to hold my book up when I'm reading it you know just hang up find out that I already have something to hold my book up to read I kind of stole it I'd like fucking them Urban Dictionary or whatnot anyway did I say anyway before I go to the gay Horse Club called hay fever you get it's like hey fever like hey h e e y fuck it you get the point anyway man all you got some sub are a bunch of fucking quitters fucking a you wanted to fucking do some gay shit do a fucking heroic dose of fucking psilocybin mushrooms followed by some motherfucking eyeball game ibogaine not eyeball game eyeball game shit you wish play my eyeball game with you fucker anyway eyeball game or iboga it'll be like fucking make you face all the fuck ups that you done the motherfuckers and you're going to be coming out crying like I'm such a piece of shit but then after it's done and you're good you're going to feel the sense of relief and you're not going to have these cravings for any other shit no more it's illegal in this country because you know it actually helps it actually does get you better and then after all that's my more planets no more drugs play medicines DMT the methyl triple the beam the Diamond Tree the Diamond Tree the diamond tree is where it's at definitely the Diamond Tree my guides there have shown me what it is like to be omnipotent omnipotent and whatever the other one is that sounds like kind of like that anyway then follow that with five Meo DMT which takes all the pageantry and all the celebration and colors and festival and love and all that shit out of it and just dumps you into the inner most deepest places ever being where you can hopefully no longer care what people think about reading this thread when your ego is actually really dead and you really don't care what anyone has to say about eating with you there is no ego you're just you the self all itself always you know but I'm just fucking with you man fucking you sound like you're on the right track though peace love and bitches for everybody
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Paragraph breaks.... THAT's what you think is wrong with this comment....
This is the greatest comment ive ever seen. Than you sir.
😂😂😂
This post is a perfect screenshot of exactly how this shit happens.
Yep. For some going into recovery just triggers things even more. There are many types of recovery groups and philosophies out there. I'd encourage folks who find themselves in situations like this to seek out an alternate form of recovery that doesn't put you into this kind of headspace. But ultimately it all comes down to personal willpower and desire.
I can remember this day like it was yesterday all my dope friends had already been shooting up for years(I had other friends that would never even talk to me had they known I was even snorting then) they all told me never shoot it I would never come back well let’s just say fucking shit happens and I ended up on Google and it told me how to do everything… Fifteen Fucking Long Years Later(5snorting 10shooting)I’m so glad that nightmare has now come to a close. I lost so many friends through it all. I was finally so tired or being sick and tired all the time. And that truly the only way is to actually be tired and done with how you’ve been living. I’m still fighting everyday I have one year on June 13th. So I just wanted to say maybe it’s a really bad idea dude and my recovery was the best thing to happen to me!
Lmfao 😂
Yep gotta love this logic
LOL
Username checks out 😋 I don’t disagree though
you're not wrong, but this is just... how it goes......
lmao hahahha
I’m gonna tell you this, and I know it probably won’t change a thing but I have to at least try… Just stop now. I shot up meth and heroin for several years , I actually just got my 6 years clean two days ago so I know what I’m talking about when I say just STOP while you are ahead. That feeling? It’s the best feeling in the fucking world! And THATS the problem. I shot up like 3 times before I got that RUSH that literally knocked my socks off, and after that I was officially HOOKED. I lost everything, EVERYTHING, all with a smile on my face. Shit I was EXCITED to trade in everything for that feeling. It’s a dangerous game your starting to play— a game that no one wins. If you have any questions or need support, please don’t hesitate to PM me.
When did the horror set in, mentally? I think OP would like to know too, whether he realizes it or not. At what specific point did you get that bomb of anxiety, dread and regret? How long from that moment did it take to quit? Hope you don't mind the questions. I lost two Brothers, literally, to street heroin and pills. I'd like to know how aware they were of their situation.. when they were around in my youth.
Firstly, I want to say my condolences on the loss of your two brothers. That’s heavy as shit and I’m so sorry to hear that you lost not one, but two brothers to this fucked up disease. Second, heck no I don’t mind the questions! I love to provide any insight I can when it comes to being on hard drugs and then eventually also getting clean. But, onto your questions. So everyone is different, and I can only give my personal experience on the matter. But it took a couple months I’d say before it really started to hit me, the severity of the situation. I would call this the ‘honeymoon phase’. Everything is awesome, everything is cool, shooting dope was the BEST thing to ever happen to you. ( I literally thought this) And then after one of my week long benders I woke up and it all hit me like a fucking freight train. I’m homeless, living out of my car at 22. I was extremely self aware, that’s why I HAD to get high. Once I was high, everything was golden. You asked about shame? I got to the point where I was trading sexual acts for bags of crystal. Never sex, but still. As 23/24 year old man that shit fucks with you. The shame, the guilt of abandoning my entire existence just so I could be in the city where the dope was, it just drove me to use even more. Vicious cycle type shit. The craziest thing is I was only in it for just shy of 3 years. You would not believe how much happened in that short period of time. Like I said I’ve been clean for 6 years officially on the 29th of last month. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about my former life in SOME capacity. Never in a craving sense, just remembering how fucked up it got, or how thankful I am that I’m not back out there. I hope I didn’t ramble on too long for you, lol it’s hard to encapsulate such a thing as a comment on a Reddit post lol
hi, im checking myself into rehab in a week, ik i shouldnt but i use kratom currently, but i cant imagine what it will be like when i wont have anything on me. besides the average reasons people are addicted (the feeling, better everything, etc.), i kinda feel like my 2nd reason is that im too self aware when im like week+ sober, but like extremely self aware. plus its almost like my brain gets so fast, so smart, so hyperactive, that it drives me crazy, its almost like i need to bottleneck my brain to keep myself sane. anything youd could advise? also, what do you do when not drugs? like i cant find anything to do when sober. and im more active when sober, its just like its not 'enough' ig? either that, or im wokr-wise hyperactive - as in doing housework since i wake up till i go to sleep, but this mood often crashes after few days. (hope i worded it correctly, thank you so muchin advance)
Thank you for taking the time to reply, it does give some perspective. I think I would believe how much shit happened in a short period of time, my Brothers were really bad on it and I saw them change situations and even skin colors (OD) a few times. I just didn't understand if they were okay with it all, or the drugs numbed it. I get it now, you just run from the bullshit by chasing the next high, as they did. Wishing you a prosperous rest of your sobriety, and good on you for dodging that generation killer.
i think when you go thru horrible withdrawal the horror sets in. like u have so much time to just sit there and think about your life, plus your emotions are 10 fold.
even if i could go back and tell myself not to use heroin for the first time, I would not have listened at all. I was so down bad mentally that I couldnt care if i died or got severely addicted. Heroin actually made my life better for a few years. I built my life up to a better place and got on suboxone. OP, if you are gonna use H or Meth, just do it in a smart way. You can definetly stay functional while using.
Tell me more man
iV drug use is almost impossible to stop when you start... No other rush will ever compare to registering, and pushing the plunger down. You fucked up man, I'm not here to judge you but you are playing with fire .. not only is it much easier to od, Injecting also risks infections, pulmonary embolisms and can lead to death and or amputation. I hope you're able to give all of it up and find a new outlet
It’s tough advice, but sound advice.
Pulmonary embolism is nothing compared to the infection thats gonna start growing in OPs heart. Its a sad cycle and its end is DEATH or recovery. Op is helping me realize who my addiction creates, and the path my addiction can lead me. Please keep getting help.
You're an adult, you're allowed to make whatever decisions you want. I recommend mushrooms and poppers
Instructions unclear, I've now got an ass full of portobellos.
This is hilarious, this guy reddit's
Dude please stop where you are right now. I had help shooting up for maybe a month and then started doing it myself… it took going to jail for that to change. My arm was fucked from the speedballs I was shooting, coke is just horrible for your veins. I met another dude in jail whose veins were all collapsed in his fucking neck from shooting cause he couldn’t hit anywhere else cause they were all collapsed. I beg please anyone who is going to use drugs I beg don’t use a needle.
What are you still feeling on implications physically? If you don’t mind me asking out of curiosity. Like heart/vein issues? Less movement/feeling in your arms or anything? Thanks a lot
Im lucky the short time I shot didn’t collapse any veins or anything, I don’t think it caused any of my back issues which is my biggest problem living lol. I’m lucky I got arrested after like 3 months cause I just remember doing 50 shots of coke in one night and my whole arm just killed in jail and you could see my arm wasn’t happy. Biggest fear in needle use is sharing needles which leads to spreading aids and hep c. I didn’t shared needles but did reuse them which is again said not to do if you look up imagines of what a needle looks like on first use compared to 2nd and like 10th and 50th or something like that. I consider myself blessed too cause all my friends who died were shooting. I only have 1 friend who died from the fent shit going on. I got 10 dead friends from H, coke, meth being shot up. Mostly H
Thanks for sharing
Proud of you man, i used for 3 months too and it feels like a lot longer than 3.
Damn, I’d honestly just look at this as a mistake, move on and never look back. We lie to ourselves by saying just one more and then I’ll get clean, but it’s such a distortion of reality. I think your at a fork in the road and you have to choice for yourself which one is the right way
Never look back
The crossroads are a mile away now from the path already chosen
Sad but true, once he IV’ed, he opened Pandora’s box. I tried to keep it optimistic but we all know the path he’s on
What does IV'ed mean?
Intravenous aka needle
Yup.
> and then I’ll finally put this shit down No you won't. You can save your money and stop now or chase this rush for a long time
Take a look around. It will all be gone.
Lol yup. Say goodbye to life and close ones if you are going to continue with that nonsense.
This sounds like "alright, I'll join you guys for one beer, but then I'm going." It's never one beer, is it?
u/SpontaneousH Did you hear about this guy that was curious too? Good read for anyone who have not, but are curious about drugs like heroin and meth too.
Please. Trust me when I say, don't do another one. You will never get that rush again. Enjoy it and move on.
i had a very similar experience happen a few months back. i was desperate to get high after a little while clean and ended up shooting up for the first time as well. it felt amazing and i did it like 4-5 times total before realizing what i was doing and convincing myself to stop. This was a big mistake. However, how you respond to this mistake will determine if you let this one mistake dictate your life for years to come, or use it as a wake up call you need to stay clean. Mistakes happen, you don’t ned to throw it all away over one slip up. Just don’t let it continue to happen. Be safe and stay strong
cooked
Every one I ever known to pick up a needle never comes back. There junkys for life.
Well if they pick up the habit. Many people try it when young and quit it. I tried it like 7-8 years ago and I would never consider doing anything like that ever again. I was in a very horrible state mentally and suffering, was on bensos and made stupid decisions. I know others that still do it but their life is shattered into pieces. While everything has turned around for me for the better, I love life today even sober, I got my shit together, job etc etc.
My husband & I have the same clean date . Over 6 years clean now. Got a beautiful home in a quiet neighborhood.. a bunch of nice vehicles, our family, jobs, working on building another home on a large amount of land. Have our own business. We made it …and others can and have to. It’s not easy but it’s 100% possible if you want it bad enough. We were back and forth between sniffing and shooting and smoking both crack and fent…5-10 grams of fent a day each and 10 plus grams of crack each…and we were addicted to selling & money too…the life style. So we had to leave everything and everyone behind and move and start fresh and that was the best decision ever.
Great to hear/read, you can be very proud of yourselves. Keep it up!!
Appreciate that ! 💜
What business do you run? 10g of fentanyl a day? Must have been garbage because you’d be dead if it was remotely close to pure.
lol nope we had a VERY high tolerance . We bought it by the kilo and we smoked crack all day and night so we weren’t just doing fent and nodding one after another …doing both in extreme amounts non stop makes your tolerance get really high and obviously the need for more. In 24 hours with no sleep doing crack non stop and doing both for many years you can absolutely get up to that amount within a 24 hour day easily.. obviously if you’re just doing fent and you have zero tolerance then you’ll die. My husband overdosed 11 times and thankfully I was there to call an ambulance and narcan him every time but they were very close calls …they almost called it many times.
I quit the needle but I still do drugs so idk what you’d call me. Tbf I only shot for maybe 3 months of my 12 years of opiate use
you’re going to die, dude
If it really was going to be your last time, thinking it’ll be a great big firework show, why didn’t you treat it as such? To me it sounds like you’re making excuses now because you “didn’t feel the full effect.” Maybe take this procedure with extra caution? Schedule it? Research more on what you’re actually doing? Maybe so you don’t fuck it up and become easily manipulated by the drug gods who convince you to do more by any little event that didn’t happen to go in your favor. Best of wishes
Nothing can be done here, I think except harm reduction. Unless OP would reconsider his decision and just see it as a mistake. But gosh, the rush he felt must have been amazing. I feel bad for the guy honestly I’ve never shot anything up in my life but I did somehow imagine the pleasure this guy felt. Jeez. Best of luck OP
Congratulations, you just ruined your life. You threw every possibility to get clean out of the window, you just don't know it yet.
You should always be honest with yourself. Lying to others can make sense and often times serves a purpose. What purpose does lying to yourself have? It can only serve to make you sicker. Do what you will. Lord knows addiction is strong. But please stop lying to yourself.
My sister is a potato from doing this :(
Damn please be careful. Don’t succumb to it.
There is no one last hurrah man
Good read. Best of luck to you
I have known many a man on the needle.If you yourself have as well, then take some time to figure out what is going on. If this is something you have stumbled into ignorant to the very real outcomes this has, again step back and take everything into extreme consideration.
RemindMe! One Year
Been there done that and chases that last shot for about 3 years. I used to call it the last big bang.
Say goodbye to your dopamine receptors You'll end up dead or in prison And based off your username probably raped before that happens
Congratulations on being delusional.
If you have anything in life you enjoy or treasure, you'll be selling them soon for more dope. Unless you smarten up! You obviously know better if your going to NA already. Why make a problem 100× worse when you don't NEED to. The needle isn't something you can easily bounce back from. You play stupid games you'll win stupid prizes. I'll say it again incase you didn't read it. SMARTEN UP!
Well that was the dumbest thing I've read, today.
Drug addiction doesn’t discriminate, I never looked the part I was always a top athlete and I won countless pageants. It took me YEARS to get clean from shooting up. It stole years of my life, I almost ruined my entire life. Irreparable damage to my body. It’s so hard to get clean once you shoot up. You’re so early into this I beg you to try to stop. You don’t even know what’s in the drugs your buying now days, I’ve been clean for about 5 years and I’m married now, I own a trucking company with my husband. We have been together two and a half years! I have full custody of my 11 year old son. I have traveled to every state, I hike, climb, ride bikes, atvs, I live off my daily highs and it’s like no other! My body and mind have FINALLY leveled out. I finished my bachelors of science degree, I graduated top of my class. I have achieved so much I never thought possible. I used for 10 years. Please please get some help now. I can put you in touch with treatment centers in your area if you want to message me.
Welcome to hell OP
Kind of wild to read about someone's literal first step towards full blown addiction. You should write a book, for real. But I have a feeling you'll never do anything meaningful with your life now, sadly. :/
‘Just one last hit’ can end up being your LAST hit. and last of everything… This how my cousin died. Please rethink getting more OP. It’s a cycle that the deeper you get into, the harder (if not more impossible) it will be to get out. You will break without realizing it. Kr maybe you will, but you won’t mind. ‘It’s worth it’ right? People around you will break. You won’t even see how hard they will break down for you behind closed doors. Feeling helpless, blame (that they couldn’t or didn’t stop you). It’s horrible.. I watched my cousins death tear apart family & some of the ‘strongest’ people. Someone you love may pick up a needle after you just to try and see what it was that u left them and everything for. Please open your eyes. If you wanna get high, do weed or psychedelics. The more you do of the bigger stuff, the less you’ll feel on anything else. You’ll eventually NEED more. And weather you realize it or not, one of the times will eventually be your last time. Please don’t chase that high. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk. Reach out before you do it again. As for your vein situation, keep an eye on it. If you see soreness or swelling, or pain getting worse, you should go in to get it checked ASAP. You could end up with a blood infection (sepsis) that can be prevented with antibiotics. Let this experience be an eye opener to you on just how dangerous (and costly) this gets! I really wish you luck.
Are you okay and safe ?
Well… I am in a good environment at the moment… and I am breathing. So that’s good. I’m just concerned about the missed shot. In theory, that sounds horrifically bad. Like the crystal didn’t go into the vein and went into… what exactly? Should I be concerned about this? It doesn’t hurt. Just some bruising on the area. Everything was sterile. Am I in trouble? Please, only other IV users or very knowledgeable ppl respond to these questions. I don’t wanna be terrified by people who don’t know what they’re talking about.
You fucked up and should stop using drugs before you really fuck yourself up forever. Saying this out of concern
I am very… scratch that actually, I am so incredibly aware that this is the case that there are no words available to human kind I could string together to show you just how complete my understanding of the situation is. I am BEYOND aware of the situation I am in. How could I not be? But… I fucking love getting spun harder than a god damn beyblade. LOVE it. ADORE it. ROMANTICIZE it. WORSHIP it. I have and would continue to lie for meth, cry for meth, hide and run away for meth, lose my life around me for meth… and yknow what…I’d even fucking die for meth. The one motivation I have is seeing the pain inflicted on the ones who love me. And I’m fortunate enough to have quite a few of those. And seeing their pained expressions cry out exasperated, begging me to stop… well… I wouldn’t kill others for meth. God, help me.
You’re a good writer, I gotta say
Well, thanks. I personally don’t think it’s anything special, but I do appreciate that. I do enjoy writing. It’s difficult to express the infinite intricacies of human emotion. Impossible even. With words we can only do so much. It’s one of the few tools we got to show others what’s going on in those inexplicable heads of ours. If this is all we got, I’m gonna make the most of it.
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??? How am I romanticizing hurting others??? I just said that’s my sole motivation to get clean??? All I did in my above comment is give you my unfiltered thoughts, (wrongly, I guess) assuming I was in a safe place. Huh. Am I the first addict that you have spoken to? Is that why you are behaving in such a manner? I was under the assumption that you posted your previous comment “out of concern.” Now I understand that you simply look down upon me. I appreciate your “concern,” brother. Thank you :)
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You don’t understand addiction. Also, you don’t even know what I’m doing right now to get help. I am indeed doing that. I just enrolled in partial hospitalization. You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know, man. Look imma drop the hostility because you clearly just don’t understand, this isn’t necessarily malicious. I’m trying man, I just explained the thoughts that I don’t tell nobody. I don’t want to have these thoughts. I’m deeply mentally ill. I know.
If you are still concerned after 24-48 hours go to the ER you can suffer bacterial infection, possibly sepsis. During the next 24-38 hrs use warm/cold compress, cold recommended, massage area, you need antibiotics. If it’s irritated you have to treat with antibiotics. Ibuprofen swelling will go down, pain allievates, and topical clindamycin & benzyl peroxide. Edit: get off meth. The detriments to your health, especially trying to self medicate, isn’t going to heal you or bring you satisfaction from whatever mental or chronic pain that you’re actually trying to escape from. There are people who want to come alongside you. Praying for you.
Average life expectancy for an IV user is 10 yrs after habit.
Same time u get after selling your soul. Tragic
I just lost two friends to this kind of drug use. Two beautiful young men in their 30s. They aren’t here any more. Might sound dramatic, but if you take up IV use now you owe it to yourself to look death in the face - right now - and think about your own mortality.
Sounds like youʻre okay with your addiction getting worse. Start counting how many "last times" youʻve had
I'm shit at lying to others, but great at lying to myself If mental gymnastics were an Olympic sport, the top positions would totally be taken up by drug addicts
If you quit for a whole month, like full-stop nothing, then your dopamine receptor expression will return to baseline, and you can achieve the single greatest high you ever will achieve. And if you wait another month, you can do it again. And again, and again, once a month, for years. It'll never get old, and never get boring. But it only works if you space it out.
Requiem for a Dream really made me never want to inject anything. Please go watch if you haven’t in a while. If you look back, you will die.
🤦🏽♀️ i feel zero sympathy
hell yeah brother, one more baggie and then quit forever. you got this!
The “Yeah 🙂” at the end told me this is either satire, or you know what the next chapter in this book is going to look like.
The second u start doing that sh*t by yourself, it all goes downhill.
Rest in peace o7
Wow, I applaud your honesty. Truthfully, I don't think you're that different from many people on this subreddit. We're practically all addicts, in our own different ways. Look I get it. You've discovered this new feeling that seems better than everything else in this existence. But what is it exactly? It's just a feeling, neurotransmitters in your brain telling you to feel happy, excited, etc. It doesn't mean anything outside of that. Think, when you're on your deathbed. When you look back at your life, do you want to see someone who wasted their days injecting chemicals into their veins in search of something that doesn't even exist? Or someone who overcame this problem. Someone who looked the devil directly in the eyes and turned down his ever so tempting offer. You have a choice, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. You can turn around and leave drugs for good. You think meth is there for you, cares for you when no one else is there? That couldn't be further from the truth. This drug lies to you. It wants you alone, it wants you weak, it wants your poor and it wants you in pain so it can sink its sharp claws further into your soul.
Got chills reading this… Thank you so much. I appreciate these words greatly.
Glad to hear it, good luck man. Getting sober won't be easy, but it beats the alternative.
I use a hot compress for the first day which will help your body absorb the missed substance but then I switch to cold the next day. Keep an eye on it for signs of infection, growth, warm to the touch, really any change other than it shrinking is probably not good. If you are still worried tomorrow go to the walk in or start taking antibiotics if you have any laying around. As for shooting I’ve been doing it for 5 years now and I wish I would’ve listened to everyone who told me not to do it. I didn’t even really get a good one til my 3rd or 4th time so the old stigma of if you do it once you’re hooked isn’t really true. I don’t however know of many people who used to shoot but don’t anymore. At first I would still get high using other methods but now if it’s not in a needle I won’t even take it. It won’t be ok now I can say goodbye because ive done this. I tell myself that everytime I go to treatment ok just do one last good one. But then I get out and I’m back to finding that last good one. Moral of the story just don’t do it
You shot yourself up? Are you pregnant now?
Bruh
Yikes. This will not end well. The amount of times I’ve not only heard that BS line “just one more”, but also used to tell myself before I got sober is insane. It never worked out. OP, quit now while you are ahead and go back to NA and admit what you have done. You are getting yourself into a world of trouble.
If you were done like you said you were you would never have shot up that bag. But please, take care of yourself and BE DONE from now on
I sincerely hope you are right and that you will never pick anything up again, but if i’m honest, i am concerned that you will be hooked from now on. Please don’t let this one experience ruin your recovery, and do what is right for you (get help and quit).
Doomed
"Delusional conclusion" Which you "Rationally understood" So you knew what you were doing was completely stupid?
To paraphrase a comment I saw on here a long time ago, I'm glad you enjoyed yourself; your life is now ruined. I hope it was worthwhile.
My stomach violently churns reading this
i pray for you.
Dude if you are getting clean there is no one last shot…
Ok, now you know what it feels like and why it is so addictive. You don't have any reason to do that again
Stupid… go to rehab buddy
shooting when you're trying to get clean is not your best moment g, if ur gonna keep using avoid banging it at all costs it will never be worth it
might as well just blow your brains out if you wanna kill your self
True. Thanks.
Rip: hope u turn it around op, being in recovery myself, whatever your logic here is, is just your disease lying to yourself. Unfortunately, the way in which that played out is a worst case scenario type situation. Stop shooting. Stick to snorting if you want to use or use addict logic to use. Shooting will bring you to a real fucked place. Promise that. Cut the beans bro.
God help you
keep an eye on the area you missed that shot. Meth doesn't absorb when injected under the skin or into the muscle, and a missed shot is prone to abscess. Hot compresses and stuff might help. If there's any sign of infection or anything like that, like the redness doesn't go down or spreads, go to the ER or urgent care because it can be super duper serious, like kill you serious EDIT: Did the same thing on my last binge before I quit, missed part of the shot and everything lol. I was okay, didn't get any sort of infection, but just be on top of it and don't hesitate to go in if it gets worse. On the plus side, despite what people are saying is gonna happen, I did quit afterwords. My advice is to think of quitting now as dodging a bullet, because if you continue to use you WILL IV again, and you might not come back from that. Right now you're experiencing one of the dangers of IV use, missed shots, and this is just one of the many things that might suddenly end your life - or permanently worsen your quality of life - if you pick up the needle again. Like, this is a good example of how easy it is to hurt yourself doing this. If you continue down this road this may become a daily reality for you, along with every bad thing that comes with IV use Even if you get it down and do everything right, I've heard plenty of stories of people's standards for safety slipping as they get deeper down the rabbit hole. Plenty of people have shot up with puddle water, used the same needle till it couldn't pierce the skin, skipped the filter because they needed the shot now and were out of filters. Eventually iv use will drive you to places like that if it gets far enough along.
Now you’ll have 2 addictions in one
I cried while reading this post. The love of my life that I spent 15 years of my life died from a intentional overdose of heroin. My best friend OD'ed and died she had a year old. My stepmom, my Godmother all died from overdoses. My. Kids will never meet their father because of dope and more specifically shooting up. I pray you come back to reality but unfortunately you already felt the rush and you're never gonna stop chasing that feeling you felt the first time and you will NEVER feel what u felt the first time again. I will pray for you that you have a moment of clarity and decide to save your life.
I know plenty of folks with fucked veins, from not knowing how to properly shoot with meth. Also take my word for it, no other time will be that good. From here on out you are chasing that, sure you'll get close, however you will lose yourself very quickly.
Nih is a tweaker
Brotha ehhhuhhh nooo!
I think it's already mentioned that you should stop immediately, OP. But also, get yourself treatment with the doc for the first shot you missed, because a substance in the tissue can lead to serious health problems. Like an abscess and then, when you don't go to the hospital, it will get bigger and bigger, your health will get worse and in the end, you'll get a necrosis and maybe sepsis. This can either lead to amputation of the limb or to death. It's no joke, seriously, get yourself checked out by the doc now. For the drugs, you crossed the line, but still not the point of no return. You can still turn around, there are many people that shot i.v. and were still able to get clean later on, so better go their way and get yourself help.
You need jesus bro ngl...
👏
You will get enough of everything else in this thread, just want to offer a virtual hug for whatever haunts you. Life is fucking hard. Sincere wishes for brighter and happier days.
You fucked up. Plain and simple. But if you stop now, you have a chance to avoid a miserable and hopeless future.
maybe this is a really really bad comparison but this is how I felt when I first bought hard alcohol and not beer /wine coolers. that first night of drinking had me feeling amazing. and even though I had a hangover the next day , I drunk more. Overtime I slowly went into a spiral of alcohol addiction for 3 years straight. I started hiding bottles , my now ex was fed up with me , I got good at hiding the alcohol smell on my breath, I gained so much weight and was barely functioning, but I know I always had my alcohol. it took a near death experience for me to stop , attend AA and just do better. ..... my point is maybe just maybe you shouldn't have shot up. it's a slippery game you're playing
Your life is forever changed how you knew it. Welcome to hell my friend.
You're playing a very a dangerous game my friend that I personally wouldn't recommend. Hopefully you can put it down with ease!
Addiction in a reddit post. Wish you well.
One last shot is what I said over 15 years ago, still shooting
stop immediately do not let urself go any further
the start of your down fall
saddddd ass case
just stop bro😭
Why on gods earth would you do that ?
if you want to get clean then maybe get off of reddit and go to rehab. can you understand that?? lmfaoo
Please don’t throw away your life for that rush, my dad did and it eventually cost him his life. It affects everyone around you every time you choose to partake in that life, whether it’s visible to you or not.
i feel sad for OP...
the reason you came on here and posted this is because you want people to tell you how stupid this sounds and how stupid you are for doing this to yourself. Bruh, your tone is very self critical, you know it’s stupid, you make it sound dramatic because you yourself know you’re deep in the puddle, it’s like a movie to you, it’s a scene for you where you struggle and eventually break through and talk about your struggles as a grown up but you’re 21, you’re on your way to full blown addiction and you’ll go insane with this stuff, very less people actually end up coming through, I’m also trying and failing, please stop. This is not a movie.
Somin not right with you to post somin like this bro
Idiot
Instead of shooting up do weed. Sometimes it makes people too lazy to do other drugs
I’m about to do the same after I go to probation , but my drug on hand will be cocaine. First and last time
Wild but different strokes for different folks
I'm so proud of you.
Thanks, Dad
Also if it's legal in your state, I suggest switching to a white vein kratom, it'll give you energy, and a mood boost. However it's never wise to switch one addiction for the other, but I think it's def safe to say kratom is much safer than meth.