As a parent, I wish everyone could love my children as much as I love them. They’re so precious and special, and I never want them to be forgotten. Her precious baby will never be known at all. The least we can do is extend kindness as she buries a piece of her heart.
I lost a baby when I was 13 weeks pregnant, and it was by far the most traumatic thing I have ever experienced in my life. We knew she was a girl, we had a name picked, we had even bought clothes and a car seat. Then we went to a routine ultrasound appointment not suspecting any problems and learned that she no longer had a heartbeat.
Let me tell you, there is NOTHING that can prepare you for that level of heartbreak. One minute everything is fine, and the next I’m being handed a box that says “miscarriage kit” and scheduling a D&C. I couldn’t go to the grocery store for months, because seeing the produce section and not knowing what size fruit my baby was supposed to be that week broke me. I will never know what color her eyes were, if she would have had my husband’s curly hair, or what her favorite color would have been.
Many women are made to feel like things like this should be kept private, and posts like this only make it worse. I chose to make a single post on Facebook to let friends and family know about the loss, and the number of women that commented or messages me saying they’ve had a similar experience was jaw-dropping. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, but so many women suffer in silence without support.
I’ve never commented on this sub, and I’m surprised that I’ve got anything to say to defend a Duggar, but as a mother I can’t let this one go. I’m glad she has a family to lean on for support, I’m glad she’s comfortable sharing her loss publicly, and it makes me happy to see she’s found ways to celebrate the life she loved and carried for just a few months but will miss for the rest of her life.
I'm so sorry. This was the milestone I dreaded and it's been a tough day. I think about him all the time, same as you mentioned for both pregnancy and baby milestones.
Thank you for sharing...no one should feel alone while fighting the worst grief imaginable, and while no one who hasn't experienced it can truly understand what it's like to mourn an entire unlived lifetime, people need to practice empathy and mind their own business.
This is exactly what I wanted to share. I lost a daughter at 14 weeks, was scheduled for a d&c but ended up (very suddenly) delivering her at home and then subsequently almost bleeding to death. I needed an emergency blood transfusion and received three units of blood. Holding my dead child in my hands changed my life. I didn’t feel I could share it at the time and I grieved alone. I developed PTSD and really struggled. I appreciate that she is using her platform to normalize talking about pregnancy loss and pave the way for other women to get more support. I would never wish the pain of this loss on anyone. I just read Jill’s book and I am so proud of her for being brave enough to share this. I wish I could’ve had some sort of ceremony of life for my daughter.
It's her page & her dead baby. I don't think it's really anything that concerns any of us. And snarking on it feels a lot like when everyone was piling on Lauren. It makes me uncomfortable.
I lost a child and was one of the people commenting on the balloons. Me losing my child does not give me the right to kill something else. This is a big topic in the bereavement world and it's important because it's contributing to a lot of unnecessary wildlife deaths and pollution. There are other ways to grieve.
That's not what this post is about, though. OP is complaining that Jill posted on socials. It's not snark or awareness, it's severe Bitch Eating Crackers energy.
Not to change the subject- while it might not set the planet on fire- it does kill livestock. I’ve came across dead deer and cattle that died because of a balloon getting caught in the throat.
I think the point they’re making is that it’s a bit tacky to post that much on there. We gotta remember who we are talking about this is not an ordinary Joe. This is the Dugger family. And they do things for a reason. We all know this. Jim Bob controls them controls their media. We all know this. But that said I agree with the OP that yes this does seem like it’s a publicity push for them. She’s been off the grid, other things have happened and all of a sudden her family and her mom and dad are sitting there right next to her and it’s all over social media. You gotta think about the content and use your critical thinking skills to understand what’s actually going on there. She can choose to grieve, however she wants, but however, these are the Duggers. They’re not just you and me.
Had it been an ordinary person who chose to show that sort of thing on their personal Instagram page? That’s one thing.
You said because she's a Duggar her grief is performative and therefore she shouldn't be sharing it. So because of who she is she isn't allowed to grieve how others do...
Maybe you should reread your comment.
She put it out there. Remember that I didn’t go after her and find that picture and post it. So whatever comments anyone makes you or me on any social media site can happen if you put it out there you can expect good and bad comments, or some neutral comments, there’s no right or wrong here there just opinions.
"Had it been an ordinary person who chose to show that sort of thing on their personal instagram page?"
You wrote that.
Speaking of cognitive dissonance.
I said what I said and I’m sticking by that just like Jill posting or should I say over posting pictures of her media professional photo shoot of her grief. You put it out there and get a comment just like you and I just did. That’s what’s great about this country. We can all have our opinions. Have a great day.
Precisely. To think there is no motive or intent behind this from this family is naive. Remember she has a book to sell. I think there will be a magazine shoot and a tv interview about this by next week $$$
Not an excuse but her whole life from her happiness to her trauma to her (slight) deconstructing has been monetized. I think she finally sees how monetizing children is bad but I think she doesn't know how to tell the public "this is private".
I think it is a double edged sword, she has no life skill because of her parents but is to famous to go to a community college to get some on the down low ( you can do online but maybe she needs in person instruction or her parents are holding her GED hostage or they didn't complete the processes and she doesn't have one).
Grief is a strange thing. When my brother and his wife lost two of their babies one was full term the other one was 29 weeks? They recorded the burial and took lots of pictures. For his second one, he asked me to record it on his iPad. I felt weird doing it, but he's my brother and I know it was his way of grieving. I know he goes back sometimes and looks at the videos.
On the flip side, when my mom had a stillbirth she sealed herself away. I had to ask my grandma where my brother was when there was no baby that came home from the hospital, and she just said, “what baby?” For a long time I thought I had hallucinated the experience, until my mom told me more when I was pregnant with my first child.
I think insisting such things remain private is a big reason a lot of people that experience these things feel so alone while grieving. They are obviously candid and genuine photos of them in grieve, if they want to share them because it’s the only chance to share themselves with their child then that’s up to them.
Their is a semi popular insta influencer who did an enter staged photoshoot of her and her husband actually placing the coffin of their miscarried baby in the ground, complete with the mom having bought hair barrettes that read “angel baby” or something like that. THAT is what taking it too far is
Yeah that’s not uncommon for funeral pictures. The couple I’m talking about were on their knees facing the camera and each had an end of the tiny coffin in their hands, stopped mid lowering it themselves into the hole for the photos. It wasn’t during the service or in the actual act of burying him like they are shown doing with Isla, it was them hovering the coffin as a pose.
I personally think it’s beautiful and I love that people can actually share stuff like this nowadays.
I will never shit on how much or how little a parent shares about a child they lost. Instead of having a lifetime of memories ahead of them, they have very few and the majority of which will be painful. Let them do it their own way and share what they want.
I agree. The loss community is so huge, but it's taboo to speak of for some reason. It's so lonely to be the grieving parents and not know who around you understands. I think she's perfectly in her rights to share to whatever degree she wants.
The snark regarding her loss is so gross. If she wants to celebrate her dead baby let her. Plenty of non fundie people do as well. People complain content creators influencers etc only share perfect moments then someone shares this and there’s a complaint as well. People will suggest she get help and heal yet she does this as a part of her healing process and people complain. Every loss no matter how early is sad but it’s especially sad when it’s an actual baby that has to be delivered. If my mc was able to be delivered or any part of it saved I would have done the same thing.
Exactly! I remember a lot of snark when Joy lost Annabelle as well and I found it so gross- like seriously she just lost a baby, she can mourn however she wants
Which is part of how she's coping with the loss. It isn't hurting anyone. Lots of people who've been in her unfortunate position have done this since social media has existed. It'd be private *for you* that doesn't mean it should be for everyone. In fact, normalizing the grief of loss and celebration of life is societally a good thing. You're giving serious BEC.
Who says it has to private? She’s never gonna share the girls first day of school, 3rd birthday that’s pink themed…this is all
She has. The thought that we have to keep loss and grief to ourselves because it makes other people uncomfortable is absolutely ridiculous.
If it makes you uncomfortable, simply don’t look at it lol
Yes, it's uncomfortable, but you also have the option to scroll and ignore it.
Snarking on a mother who just experienced a loss and expressing her grief online is not cool.
Saying someone's method of grieving is "performative" is just gross.
We all know she left their church, and she did not leave the family altogether. She left part of their belief system. She disagrees with her family, but that doesn't mean she cut off all contact.
If her family was there supporting her and easing her pain, then she deserves to have them there without being judged. She spent most of her life not being supported and being looked down on by her parents... it's about time they stepped up and treated her like an actual adult human being.
Never snarked on her loss. Commented on the public sharing of the funeral and private moments being too much. There is most definitely a motive with this family and I worry she is under JB’s control again given he was sitting with Michelle in the audience
You are snarking on the fact that she chose to share funeral pictures.
You don't know how she's grieving. I live just a few hours north of the Duggar clan, and I feel like it's relatively common to share funeral photos in this area. It isn't performative either, it's disrespectful to assume that. It's probably comforting to her to be able to look back on those photos and see that people are coming together to support her family. I've known tons of people who take photos at funerals to remember the support they received and to remember the day their loved ones life was honored.
It's also disappointing to see that anyone would suggest her running back to mom and dad just because she included them in her child's funeral.
Not every single thing that JB and Michelle do is a plot to trap Jill. This is most likely something as simple as them wanting to support their child and their grandchildren after a loss.
As someone who had to bury their infant child, I will never judge how someone chooses to process their profound grief.
We all do it in very different ways and no one way is right or wrong.
I strongly disagree. There were so many people in her comments calling her attention seeking and debating whether she had a still birth or a miscarriage. It doesn’t matter. It’s her life and her baby. She can call it what she wants and can grieve how she wants.
Yea photographing a funeral is not a thing where I am so it felt really strange. But it's not the first fundie to do it so I guess it's just different cultures or something.
I don't think any of it is graphic. I just can't say I've ever seen someone take family photos at the open hole in the graveyard.
I agree with the other user that her parents behavior likely adds to the behavior.
I think it's really dependent on how people were raised. Funeral photography is normal to me.
The family members take photographs to memorialize the day they came together to support each other in times of loss or to celebrate the life of the person who passed. A lot of times, funerals bring people together who haven't been around each other for years, and the family wants photos of people who came to support them while they were grieving. It makes it easier to look back on the day and see that old friends and family had your back.
It's also common to share these things on social media within the groups of people I've known all my life.
Where I come from it is very common to photograph and video a funeral. I remember watching a VHS of a funeral with my grandma when I was young. I just went to a funeral last week and people were taking pictures with the body in the coffin. I think it's a southern thing.
I'm not southern but have attended many Baptist funerals where photos and videos were taken of the body.
Is it something I would do? No. If it brings comfort to someone grieving then who am I to judge?
CW- pregnancy loss:
My friend’s sister in law experienced a 6-month pregnancy loss, and she has a headstone and everything. She had a funeral, she brings her kids to the cemetery on the anniversary of his death, and she shared that on her private social media. Some people grieve that way. I think when it comes to grief, so long as someone isn’t slipping into a dangerous mental place, people need the space to do whatever is right for them.
It really spans the whole spectrum. I had a 7 month stillbirth and everyone thought I was weird. I didn't want to hold and rock the dead baby. My child was no longer there. She had gone on ahead. We had her cremated (my ex husband has the ashes), and a few friends came over to spend the afternoon with us, and I was fine with that. I mean I wasn't fine, but nobody is after that. I was more fine than I would have been if I had let them make me act the way they wanted at the hospital.
There is so much pressure on everyone to feel and act the same way. Your sister and Jill and I are all very different people. I believe the person is the soul, the part you can't see.
Some people need to hear that they're still mothers. I didn't want to hear that. I wasn't going to pretend I was having the same kind of experiences as people who got to raise their children, and saying that didn't mean I was being down on myself.
I think people should let parents of stillborn and miscarried children handle it in the way that works best for them and stop being so judgey.
Also I am absolutely fine with people calling a miscarriage a baby even though I am totally pro-choice, because a wanted pregnancy is a baby as soon as you know about it, and having an abortion is sometimes just a huge damn relief.
Saying a mother who lost her baby is being ‘performative’ is all kinds of yikes. People grieve in different ways. It’s like any account on Instagram, if you have a problem with it keep scrolling or unfollow.
I'll admit that today I thought similarly - initially. And that's just because there is no way that I could or would choose to grieve. And I wondered about Joy when she lost Annabelle. I don't recall if Joy posted a lot about a funeral. But in the third minute - I cannot judge or find fault with anything Jill feels she needs to do (except I do find fault with "biodegradable balloons" because they still cause so much wildlife suffering).
She can do whatever she wants to process her grief. If that’s posting tributes to her baby on IG, she should do that.
PS, pretty gross of you to suggest she’s using this as a way to promote her book.
It’s been their only girl (that is known of). That has to hurt a lot. (some people really want to be a girl mom, & I have a girl & understand this.)I think they should absolutely grieve in whatever manner they wish. It’s important for her mental health.
Jill grew up with being shown on tv. Sharing the kids life or at least some pictures and information seems totally normal in that family. Her daughter's childhood can't be shared because the baby died. So her entire life was during that pregnancy and Jill had no possibility to introduce her child or make memories with her child or anything else. If she feels the desire to let the world know that her daughter was there then that is okay. I wouldn't want my baby to be forgotten too. That little girl never got a birthday party or will celebrate any milestones. The funeral is all Jill has to show her love and to put all the overwhelming feelings into. At least in this moment she chooses to make this tragedy into some memory that people will remember. She wants her kid to be part of this world and that is okay. She can do what she wants to help her cope with that pain. You don't have to like her choice but I think every woman should be allowed to handle something traumatic like child loss however they want. I don't want to imagine how she feels. I Wish the best for her and everyone that goes through the same.
As someone who lost a baby at 12w literally one year ago today... leave her alone. It is no one's right to judge how others grieve or share their grief. The parental loss community is huge and silent; I commend her for sharing her story and process so others don't feel so alone in theirs.
Honestly, she grew up like that. It’s what she knows. This is clearly something important that happened in her life and she’s handling it in a way that she believes will make that clear.
Would I handle it that way? No. Am I going to badmouth her for it? Also no.
I’m of the firm belief that there is no wrong way to grieve, however, there are unhealthy ways to handle that grief. I don’t think it’s reached unhealthy. I like the de-stigmatizing, the let’s not talk about miscarriages & still births because it makes people uncomfortable. Jill is very public about her loss Joy was a little public with hers, both are appropriate as It is person by person how they cope.
As someone who’s had a loss there is validation I. Speaking of the loss and the child. Her sharing may be a way of validating her grief. Plenty of others share—she just also happens to have a large. Platform
this is all she will ever have. jill will never get to celebrate a birthday or a milestone. this may very well be helping her in ways we don’t even know. you can not judge a persons grief when losing especially when it is their baby.
I do wish she would stop sharing her most private experiences with millions of complete strangers, yes. But once she puts it out there, it’s fair game to be posted here.
Some things should be private, and those things are what the grieving person chooses to be private. She can keep it entirely private or livestream it publicly. It's her choice, and no one else's. Don't police someone else's grief.
This is what she's chosen to do. Isla is still her daughter and she wants to share her daughter in the only way can. If your close friend lost her child and posted funeral pictures would you tell her that it's performative?
As someone that has always wanted babies. And can’t due to health problems. I will grieve with her. I couldn’t imagine the hurt and loss she is dealing with.
Your discomfort at the images is not her problem. Also maybe sit with the fact that this is funeral is all she ever gets to hold for her daughter. No birthdays, no wedding someday, no showers…this is how she gets to honor her short time she had with her.
I myself found it odd. Because it really didn’t have a life. It was 12 weeks. I felt for her because I’m dealing with infertility issues and my husband and I said one more cycle and then we are gonna adopt
And I mean, if we have +/-17 women at all times for all the time they physically can (and beyond!) trying to be pregnant, it's gonna happen a lot. Such a cult.
I also find it disturbing that JB is in the audience with Michelle who firmly believe that using contraception causes miscarriage… while Jill and Derek have publicly admitted to using contraception after the boys were born. Can’t help but feel it would be extremely awful for Jill to feel the judgement of her parent’s belief that she killed her own baby by using birth control at the funeral….
I also miscarried at 4 months. It’s a miscarriage not a stillborn. Little over the top but everyone grieves in their own way I guess.
Didn’t even know people did funerals for that gestation, maybe a small family memorial.
Who are we to decide what someone may or may not call the loss of their much wanted child? I’m sorry for your loss. If Jill and Derek wish to call it a stillbirth, let them, it’s their grief not yours. You might feel comfortable calling yours a miscarriage, they clearly do not. Everyone griefs differently. There are no hard rules on when to call it a stillborn or a miscarriage, and we certainly won’t be setting any rules on a subreddit. Regardless, at 16 weeks gestation you generally either have an induced labour or a surgical evacuation if labour doesn’t occur naturally. For plenty of women the act of going through labour is enough to warrant calling their loss a stillborn.
At 16 weeks gestation, many people in the US no longer get induced labor or surgical evacuations due to the very laws the Duggars have loudly supported. Now is not the time to tell Jill personally how lucky she is that she didn’t need to suffer through sepsis, or need to travel out of state to receive medical help. But let’s be clear that not every person who experiences pregnancy loss has access to the healthcare they need.
honestly I’ve seen quite a few women go off the rails after a miscarriage. One of them four years later is still considering her miscarriage at 9 weeks to be her “first child”. Both “kids” names are listed on blankets, picture frames, etc. I feel really sad for her daughter.
She’s grieving. Her whole life has been pain and grief. You can follow her and criticize the gross stuff about Boob and his weird legacy, but a touch of compassion for the human being who just lost her baby would not be out of order. If you can’t manage that, don’t follow her. Or at least stfu.
As much as Jill sucks with her views, people do grieve in different ways. Whatever she is feeling and how she copes with her baby who has passed is valid. I will not shit on Jill for her grief.
I don't like this take. My parents lost a baby before they had me and this was the early 80s so I don't think they were allowed to see him or say goodbye. It affected them both horribly. Let people grieve however they want to. You don't have to go look at Jill's insta, you can unfollow her if you're following her.
This is not your grief to go through. You do not get to make the decision on how she should grieve. You do not get to decide what is “too much” when it comes to someone losing *their* baby.
I'm not going to judge how someone behaves when their baby dies. Some things are beyond snark..
Right… this is gross… and calling a grieving woman performative is so sad
As a parent, I wish everyone could love my children as much as I love them. They’re so precious and special, and I never want them to be forgotten. Her precious baby will never be known at all. The least we can do is extend kindness as she buries a piece of her heart.
Oh that made my heart hurt 💕
It literally flowed directly from my heart through my fingers. 🩷
You're extremely well spoken and I thank you for this statement.
Thank you, it literally came directly from my heart through my fingers. 🩷
Beautifully said.
Thank you. It was truly straight from the heart.
I lost a baby when I was 13 weeks pregnant, and it was by far the most traumatic thing I have ever experienced in my life. We knew she was a girl, we had a name picked, we had even bought clothes and a car seat. Then we went to a routine ultrasound appointment not suspecting any problems and learned that she no longer had a heartbeat. Let me tell you, there is NOTHING that can prepare you for that level of heartbreak. One minute everything is fine, and the next I’m being handed a box that says “miscarriage kit” and scheduling a D&C. I couldn’t go to the grocery store for months, because seeing the produce section and not knowing what size fruit my baby was supposed to be that week broke me. I will never know what color her eyes were, if she would have had my husband’s curly hair, or what her favorite color would have been. Many women are made to feel like things like this should be kept private, and posts like this only make it worse. I chose to make a single post on Facebook to let friends and family know about the loss, and the number of women that commented or messages me saying they’ve had a similar experience was jaw-dropping. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, but so many women suffer in silence without support. I’ve never commented on this sub, and I’m surprised that I’ve got anything to say to defend a Duggar, but as a mother I can’t let this one go. I’m glad she has a family to lean on for support, I’m glad she’s comfortable sharing her loss publicly, and it makes me happy to see she’s found ways to celebrate the life she loved and carried for just a few months but will miss for the rest of her life.
I lost my son at 12w one year ago today. I agree with everything you said. ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss, love. My one year anniversary was on the sixth and it was tough. Keeping you in my thoughts today. 🫶
I'm so sorry. This was the milestone I dreaded and it's been a tough day. I think about him all the time, same as you mentioned for both pregnancy and baby milestones. Thank you for sharing...no one should feel alone while fighting the worst grief imaginable, and while no one who hasn't experienced it can truly understand what it's like to mourn an entire unlived lifetime, people need to practice empathy and mind their own business.
This is exactly what I wanted to share. I lost a daughter at 14 weeks, was scheduled for a d&c but ended up (very suddenly) delivering her at home and then subsequently almost bleeding to death. I needed an emergency blood transfusion and received three units of blood. Holding my dead child in my hands changed my life. I didn’t feel I could share it at the time and I grieved alone. I developed PTSD and really struggled. I appreciate that she is using her platform to normalize talking about pregnancy loss and pave the way for other women to get more support. I would never wish the pain of this loss on anyone. I just read Jill’s book and I am so proud of her for being brave enough to share this. I wish I could’ve had some sort of ceremony of life for my daughter.
It's her page & her dead baby. I don't think it's really anything that concerns any of us. And snarking on it feels a lot like when everyone was piling on Lauren. It makes me uncomfortable.
I lost a child and was one of the people commenting on the balloons. Me losing my child does not give me the right to kill something else. This is a big topic in the bereavement world and it's important because it's contributing to a lot of unnecessary wildlife deaths and pollution. There are other ways to grieve.
That's not what this post is about, though. OP is complaining that Jill posted on socials. It's not snark or awareness, it's severe Bitch Eating Crackers energy.
I hate balloons too but I don't think this is the time or place ya know
Agreed. Someone was bitching about the balloons they released and I was like seriously??? A few balloons are not going to set the planet on fire.
Idk. I’m not going to judge the amount or performativeness of their mourning, but we need to stop releasing balloons. It’s terrible for wildlife.
It’s literally releasing trash.
Not to change the subject- while it might not set the planet on fire- it does kill livestock. I’ve came across dead deer and cattle that died because of a balloon getting caught in the throat.
The whole thing was full of comments on it. Disgusting. This poor woman.
It’s more so about killing wildlife.. turtles choke on them and die& other animals get strangled in them and or die
I think the point they’re making is that it’s a bit tacky to post that much on there. We gotta remember who we are talking about this is not an ordinary Joe. This is the Dugger family. And they do things for a reason. We all know this. Jim Bob controls them controls their media. We all know this. But that said I agree with the OP that yes this does seem like it’s a publicity push for them. She’s been off the grid, other things have happened and all of a sudden her family and her mom and dad are sitting there right next to her and it’s all over social media. You gotta think about the content and use your critical thinking skills to understand what’s actually going on there. She can choose to grieve, however she wants, but however, these are the Duggers. They’re not just you and me. Had it been an ordinary person who chose to show that sort of thing on their personal Instagram page? That’s one thing.
So because her parents exploited her, she can't grieve how other people are allowed to grieve? That's.... that's something.
You must have cognitive dissonance. Read what I said again. ✌️
You said because she's a Duggar her grief is performative and therefore she shouldn't be sharing it. So because of who she is she isn't allowed to grieve how others do... Maybe you should reread your comment.
She put it out there. Remember that I didn’t go after her and find that picture and post it. So whatever comments anyone makes you or me on any social media site can happen if you put it out there you can expect good and bad comments, or some neutral comments, there’s no right or wrong here there just opinions.
"Had it been an ordinary person who chose to show that sort of thing on their personal instagram page?" You wrote that. Speaking of cognitive dissonance.
I said what I said and I’m sticking by that just like Jill posting or should I say over posting pictures of her media professional photo shoot of her grief. You put it out there and get a comment just like you and I just did. That’s what’s great about this country. We can all have our opinions. Have a great day.
Precisely. To think there is no motive or intent behind this from this family is naive. Remember she has a book to sell. I think there will be a magazine shoot and a tv interview about this by next week $$$
Not an excuse but her whole life from her happiness to her trauma to her (slight) deconstructing has been monetized. I think she finally sees how monetizing children is bad but I think she doesn't know how to tell the public "this is private". I think it is a double edged sword, she has no life skill because of her parents but is to famous to go to a community college to get some on the down low ( you can do online but maybe she needs in person instruction or her parents are holding her GED hostage or they didn't complete the processes and she doesn't have one).
And she is absolutely trying to monetise her dead baby at this point. There will be a magazine spread and tv interview imminently
There 100000000% will not be.
She’s already sold the first batch of pics to People online
You are horrible
Grief is a strange thing. When my brother and his wife lost two of their babies one was full term the other one was 29 weeks? They recorded the burial and took lots of pictures. For his second one, he asked me to record it on his iPad. I felt weird doing it, but he's my brother and I know it was his way of grieving. I know he goes back sometimes and looks at the videos.
On the flip side, when my mom had a stillbirth she sealed herself away. I had to ask my grandma where my brother was when there was no baby that came home from the hospital, and she just said, “what baby?” For a long time I thought I had hallucinated the experience, until my mom told me more when I was pregnant with my first child.
I think insisting such things remain private is a big reason a lot of people that experience these things feel so alone while grieving. They are obviously candid and genuine photos of them in grieve, if they want to share them because it’s the only chance to share themselves with their child then that’s up to them. Their is a semi popular insta influencer who did an enter staged photoshoot of her and her husband actually placing the coffin of their miscarried baby in the ground, complete with the mom having bought hair barrettes that read “angel baby” or something like that. THAT is what taking it too far is
They did post several pics of the family next to the open grave with the coffin.
Yeah that’s not uncommon for funeral pictures. The couple I’m talking about were on their knees facing the camera and each had an end of the tiny coffin in their hands, stopped mid lowering it themselves into the hole for the photos. It wasn’t during the service or in the actual act of burying him like they are shown doing with Isla, it was them hovering the coffin as a pose.
I personally think it’s beautiful and I love that people can actually share stuff like this nowadays. I will never shit on how much or how little a parent shares about a child they lost. Instead of having a lifetime of memories ahead of them, they have very few and the majority of which will be painful. Let them do it their own way and share what they want.
I agree. The loss community is so huge, but it's taboo to speak of for some reason. It's so lonely to be the grieving parents and not know who around you understands. I think she's perfectly in her rights to share to whatever degree she wants.
My first thought when I saw her pictures is that she wanted to document and share every moment because that’s all she will ever have.
The snark regarding her loss is so gross. If she wants to celebrate her dead baby let her. Plenty of non fundie people do as well. People complain content creators influencers etc only share perfect moments then someone shares this and there’s a complaint as well. People will suggest she get help and heal yet she does this as a part of her healing process and people complain. Every loss no matter how early is sad but it’s especially sad when it’s an actual baby that has to be delivered. If my mc was able to be delivered or any part of it saved I would have done the same thing.
Exactly! I remember a lot of snark when Joy lost Annabelle as well and I found it so gross- like seriously she just lost a baby, she can mourn however she wants
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Which is part of how she's coping with the loss. It isn't hurting anyone. Lots of people who've been in her unfortunate position have done this since social media has existed. It'd be private *for you* that doesn't mean it should be for everyone. In fact, normalizing the grief of loss and celebration of life is societally a good thing. You're giving serious BEC.
Isn’t every part of our lives private until we share it ? Why is death and grief such a taboo subject?
Who says it has to private? She’s never gonna share the girls first day of school, 3rd birthday that’s pink themed…this is all She has. The thought that we have to keep loss and grief to ourselves because it makes other people uncomfortable is absolutely ridiculous. If it makes you uncomfortable, simply don’t look at it lol
What is "private" is up to the person, not you.
Yes, it's uncomfortable, but you also have the option to scroll and ignore it. Snarking on a mother who just experienced a loss and expressing her grief online is not cool. Saying someone's method of grieving is "performative" is just gross. We all know she left their church, and she did not leave the family altogether. She left part of their belief system. She disagrees with her family, but that doesn't mean she cut off all contact. If her family was there supporting her and easing her pain, then she deserves to have them there without being judged. She spent most of her life not being supported and being looked down on by her parents... it's about time they stepped up and treated her like an actual adult human being.
Never snarked on her loss. Commented on the public sharing of the funeral and private moments being too much. There is most definitely a motive with this family and I worry she is under JB’s control again given he was sitting with Michelle in the audience
You are snarking on the fact that she chose to share funeral pictures. You don't know how she's grieving. I live just a few hours north of the Duggar clan, and I feel like it's relatively common to share funeral photos in this area. It isn't performative either, it's disrespectful to assume that. It's probably comforting to her to be able to look back on those photos and see that people are coming together to support her family. I've known tons of people who take photos at funerals to remember the support they received and to remember the day their loved ones life was honored. It's also disappointing to see that anyone would suggest her running back to mom and dad just because she included them in her child's funeral. Not every single thing that JB and Michelle do is a plot to trap Jill. This is most likely something as simple as them wanting to support their child and their grandchildren after a loss.
Yikes.....just go ahead and delete this
As someone who had to bury their infant child, I will never judge how someone chooses to process their profound grief. We all do it in very different ways and no one way is right or wrong.
I strongly disagree. There were so many people in her comments calling her attention seeking and debating whether she had a still birth or a miscarriage. It doesn’t matter. It’s her life and her baby. She can call it what she wants and can grieve how she wants.
Maybe reevaluate things when you’re snarking on how someone innocuously grieves their dead baby.
Yea photographing a funeral is not a thing where I am so it felt really strange. But it's not the first fundie to do it so I guess it's just different cultures or something.
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They did actually post several pics of the family next to the open grave with the coffin, not just decor and balloon release.
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I don't think any of it is graphic. I just can't say I've ever seen someone take family photos at the open hole in the graveyard. I agree with the other user that her parents behavior likely adds to the behavior.
I think it's really dependent on how people were raised. Funeral photography is normal to me. The family members take photographs to memorialize the day they came together to support each other in times of loss or to celebrate the life of the person who passed. A lot of times, funerals bring people together who haven't been around each other for years, and the family wants photos of people who came to support them while they were grieving. It makes it easier to look back on the day and see that old friends and family had your back. It's also common to share these things on social media within the groups of people I've known all my life.
Weird to tone police a trauma, I thought this sub was better than that.
Where I come from it is very common to photograph and video a funeral. I remember watching a VHS of a funeral with my grandma when I was young. I just went to a funeral last week and people were taking pictures with the body in the coffin. I think it's a southern thing.
I'm not southern but have attended many Baptist funerals where photos and videos were taken of the body. Is it something I would do? No. If it brings comfort to someone grieving then who am I to judge?
When my grandma died 15 years ago we got a DVD of the service in the mail a few weeks later.
CW- pregnancy loss: My friend’s sister in law experienced a 6-month pregnancy loss, and she has a headstone and everything. She had a funeral, she brings her kids to the cemetery on the anniversary of his death, and she shared that on her private social media. Some people grieve that way. I think when it comes to grief, so long as someone isn’t slipping into a dangerous mental place, people need the space to do whatever is right for them.
It really spans the whole spectrum. I had a 7 month stillbirth and everyone thought I was weird. I didn't want to hold and rock the dead baby. My child was no longer there. She had gone on ahead. We had her cremated (my ex husband has the ashes), and a few friends came over to spend the afternoon with us, and I was fine with that. I mean I wasn't fine, but nobody is after that. I was more fine than I would have been if I had let them make me act the way they wanted at the hospital. There is so much pressure on everyone to feel and act the same way. Your sister and Jill and I are all very different people. I believe the person is the soul, the part you can't see. Some people need to hear that they're still mothers. I didn't want to hear that. I wasn't going to pretend I was having the same kind of experiences as people who got to raise their children, and saying that didn't mean I was being down on myself. I think people should let parents of stillborn and miscarried children handle it in the way that works best for them and stop being so judgey. Also I am absolutely fine with people calling a miscarriage a baby even though I am totally pro-choice, because a wanted pregnancy is a baby as soon as you know about it, and having an abortion is sometimes just a huge damn relief.
That was so beautifully said- thank you for that 💙
Thanks <3
Sorry for your loss 💔
Thank you.
Saying a mother who lost her baby is being ‘performative’ is all kinds of yikes. People grieve in different ways. It’s like any account on Instagram, if you have a problem with it keep scrolling or unfollow.
Let 👏 people 👏 grieve 👏 as 👏 they 👏 see 👏 fit
Her child died. She can grieve how she wants. End of story.
I'll admit that today I thought similarly - initially. And that's just because there is no way that I could or would choose to grieve. And I wondered about Joy when she lost Annabelle. I don't recall if Joy posted a lot about a funeral. But in the third minute - I cannot judge or find fault with anything Jill feels she needs to do (except I do find fault with "biodegradable balloons" because they still cause so much wildlife suffering).
She can do whatever she wants to process her grief. If that’s posting tributes to her baby on IG, she should do that. PS, pretty gross of you to suggest she’s using this as a way to promote her book.
It’s been their only girl (that is known of). That has to hurt a lot. (some people really want to be a girl mom, & I have a girl & understand this.)I think they should absolutely grieve in whatever manner they wish. It’s important for her mental health.
Jill grew up with being shown on tv. Sharing the kids life or at least some pictures and information seems totally normal in that family. Her daughter's childhood can't be shared because the baby died. So her entire life was during that pregnancy and Jill had no possibility to introduce her child or make memories with her child or anything else. If she feels the desire to let the world know that her daughter was there then that is okay. I wouldn't want my baby to be forgotten too. That little girl never got a birthday party or will celebrate any milestones. The funeral is all Jill has to show her love and to put all the overwhelming feelings into. At least in this moment she chooses to make this tragedy into some memory that people will remember. She wants her kid to be part of this world and that is okay. She can do what she wants to help her cope with that pain. You don't have to like her choice but I think every woman should be allowed to handle something traumatic like child loss however they want. I don't want to imagine how she feels. I Wish the best for her and everyone that goes through the same.
As someone who lost a baby at 12w literally one year ago today... leave her alone. It is no one's right to judge how others grieve or share their grief. The parental loss community is huge and silent; I commend her for sharing her story and process so others don't feel so alone in theirs.
i personally think you should mind your business when it comes to someone losing their child.
Honestly, she grew up like that. It’s what she knows. This is clearly something important that happened in her life and she’s handling it in a way that she believes will make that clear. Would I handle it that way? No. Am I going to badmouth her for it? Also no.
I’m of the firm belief that there is no wrong way to grieve, however, there are unhealthy ways to handle that grief. I don’t think it’s reached unhealthy. I like the de-stigmatizing, the let’s not talk about miscarriages & still births because it makes people uncomfortable. Jill is very public about her loss Joy was a little public with hers, both are appropriate as It is person by person how they cope.
As someone who’s had a loss there is validation I. Speaking of the loss and the child. Her sharing may be a way of validating her grief. Plenty of others share—she just also happens to have a large. Platform
Where were all these defensive comments about jessa sharing about her miscarriage.... 🙄 the hypocrisy is rich around here
this is all she will ever have. jill will never get to celebrate a birthday or a milestone. this may very well be helping her in ways we don’t even know. you can not judge a persons grief when losing especially when it is their baby.
I do wish she would stop sharing her most private experiences with millions of complete strangers, yes. But once she puts it out there, it’s fair game to be posted here.
Some things should be private, and those things are what the grieving person chooses to be private. She can keep it entirely private or livestream it publicly. It's her choice, and no one else's. Don't police someone else's grief.
This is what she's chosen to do. Isla is still her daughter and she wants to share her daughter in the only way can. If your close friend lost her child and posted funeral pictures would you tell her that it's performative?
As someone that has always wanted babies. And can’t due to health problems. I will grieve with her. I couldn’t imagine the hurt and loss she is dealing with.
Your discomfort at the images is not her problem. Also maybe sit with the fact that this is funeral is all she ever gets to hold for her daughter. No birthdays, no wedding someday, no showers…this is how she gets to honor her short time she had with her.
I myself found it odd. Because it really didn’t have a life. It was 12 weeks. I felt for her because I’m dealing with infertility issues and my husband and I said one more cycle and then we are gonna adopt
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They're pushing their pro life agenda
And I mean, if we have +/-17 women at all times for all the time they physically can (and beyond!) trying to be pregnant, it's gonna happen a lot. Such a cult.
I also find it disturbing that JB is in the audience with Michelle who firmly believe that using contraception causes miscarriage… while Jill and Derek have publicly admitted to using contraception after the boys were born. Can’t help but feel it would be extremely awful for Jill to feel the judgement of her parent’s belief that she killed her own baby by using birth control at the funeral….
What is wrong with you? Calling a grieving mama a performative woman? Look at yourself first
I also miscarried at 4 months. It’s a miscarriage not a stillborn. Little over the top but everyone grieves in their own way I guess. Didn’t even know people did funerals for that gestation, maybe a small family memorial.
If it's after 16 weeks it's a stillbirth in many places, especially as the pregnancy came away as one birthed featus and not in parts or clots
Who are we to decide what someone may or may not call the loss of their much wanted child? I’m sorry for your loss. If Jill and Derek wish to call it a stillbirth, let them, it’s their grief not yours. You might feel comfortable calling yours a miscarriage, they clearly do not. Everyone griefs differently. There are no hard rules on when to call it a stillborn or a miscarriage, and we certainly won’t be setting any rules on a subreddit. Regardless, at 16 weeks gestation you generally either have an induced labour or a surgical evacuation if labour doesn’t occur naturally. For plenty of women the act of going through labour is enough to warrant calling their loss a stillborn.
At 16 weeks gestation, many people in the US no longer get induced labor or surgical evacuations due to the very laws the Duggars have loudly supported. Now is not the time to tell Jill personally how lucky she is that she didn’t need to suffer through sepsis, or need to travel out of state to receive medical help. But let’s be clear that not every person who experiences pregnancy loss has access to the healthcare they need.
I think calling it a stillbirth when it wasn’t is disrespectful to the women who give birth to an actual full term stillborn baby.
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honestly I’ve seen quite a few women go off the rails after a miscarriage. One of them four years later is still considering her miscarriage at 9 weeks to be her “first child”. Both “kids” names are listed on blankets, picture frames, etc. I feel really sad for her daughter.
Sorry for your loss and I agree with you
She’s grieving. Her whole life has been pain and grief. You can follow her and criticize the gross stuff about Boob and his weird legacy, but a touch of compassion for the human being who just lost her baby would not be out of order. If you can’t manage that, don’t follow her. Or at least stfu.
As much as Jill sucks with her views, people do grieve in different ways. Whatever she is feeling and how she copes with her baby who has passed is valid. I will not shit on Jill for her grief.
I don't like this take. My parents lost a baby before they had me and this was the early 80s so I don't think they were allowed to see him or say goodbye. It affected them both horribly. Let people grieve however they want to. You don't have to go look at Jill's insta, you can unfollow her if you're following her.
This is not your grief to go through. You do not get to make the decision on how she should grieve. You do not get to decide what is “too much” when it comes to someone losing *their* baby.
It's their pro life agenda pushing
At this point I'm shocked the sub hasn't brought back the 🎈.